FIND YOUR PURPOSE - How To Manifest SUCCESS & ABUNDANCE In 2023 | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty

Lewis Howes 0:00 The key to finding someone is to write a list of all the things that you want in that person. Become the person of your dreams, and you'll attract them.

Jay Shetty 0:09 You've been through some incredible transformations and transitions in life.

Lewis Howes 0:14 Still doing it, man. Every day.

Jay Shetty 0:15 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 0:16 Every day I gotta, I gotta grow and transition, man.

Jay Shetty 0:18 But, but let's take it right back to the beginning.

Lewis Howes 0:21 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 0:22 Because I think that there was... Obviously, when you took out The Mask of Masculinity, and you started talking more about your childhood and experiences you'd been through that had formed your life today-

Lewis Howes 0:32 Yeah

Jay Shetty 0:32 ... and you started to get this courage to be able to share it, which took-

Lewis Howes 0:36 Uh-huh

Jay Shetty 0:36 ... so much vulnerability and humility and so much from you.

Lewis Howes 0:41 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 0:42 Tell us about how that, and coming to grips with that, opened up more growth in your life.

Lewis Howes 0:49 Well, I think we all have some type of trauma that we've dealt with, whether it may be neglect or abandonment, uh, sexual abuse, emotional trauma, something. Or someone just said something to us that we felt like we've held onto for decades that we can't forget, some kid, a friend, a parent that said something to us. And so I don't wanna minimize or maximize anyone's trauma, 'cause everyone has their own stuff they've been through. Personally, I grew up in a small town in Delaware, Ohio, which is, uh, as Middle America as it can get, and my third memory is being raped by a man. So I have very few memories from my childhood before five. But when I was five years old, I was raped by a man, who was probably 16 or 17 year old, uh, guy, who was the son of a babysitter that I would go to after kindergarten. My mom was working. My dad was working. The... I was the youngest of four, and so they were always working till later at night. So I would go to babysitters every day, and, um, that was one of my first memories, is this experience. Except for 25 years I never told anyone, 'cause I was so ashamed that if people actually knew this about me, they would not love me. They would not like me. No one would wanna be my friend. [lips smack] They would look down on me, all this stuff. I would be less than a human if they actually knew that I was sexually abused. And I think that was a lot of the conditioning of just growing up in the '80s and '90s, especially in Ohio, and I think in the Midwest in general. Not everyone had this, but I think where I grew up, I wasn't allowed to put my arm around a buddy of mine. You know, when we hang out, it's like we hug each other.

Jay Shetty 2:24 Ah.

Lewis Howes 2:24 I pick you up, or like we put our arm around.

Jay Shetty 2:26 Like I jump on you. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 2:26 I know, you jump on me.

Jay Shetty 2:27 On stage.

Lewis Howes 2:27 I'm like, "Ah, I love this." And, but that wasn't acceptable as a kid growing up for me. Like, I wanted to put my arm around people and, like, hug my friends, but in school they would push me off and call me names. "Don't be a little girl. Don't be gay. Don't be this. Don't be that." Like, it wasn't cool to be affectionate, even in a non-sexual friendship way. And so when I saw that, I was, I was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, that other boys didn't accept me for putting my arm around them as a friend, I was like, "If they actually knew about me, what I've gone through, they would disown... They would ne- reject me from society," was kind of the story I told myself. And I also just didn't have examples of... [lips smack] I was in sports, and I never saw athletes opening up about sexual abuse. I just never, ever saw it. I never saw them opening up about mental health issues, what they're, which is what's happening now. More are doing that. But as a kid, I never saw that model. And so I just said, "Okay, I gotta act like this didn't happen. I gotta be as

Lewis Howes 3:27 tough as I can so no one can hurt me again. I have to be as big and strong as possible to make sure that no one ever abuses me again." And that was kind of the, the story of my life for 25 years. My brother then went to prison when I was 8 until I was 12. He, he got caught up in the war on drugs in America in the, in the '90s for selling drugs to an undercover cop. So in a small town, there wasn't a lot of people in the neighborhood whose kids went to prison that I knew of. He was the only one. And on my block, everyone knew that my brother was in prison. So that meant the other parents wouldn't let their kids hang out with me for four and a half years, essentially. So now I have this time where I'm not hanging out with people. I'm essentially trying... I remember one time I, [lips smack] I had to spend money to hang out with a couple of kids who had a club in their basement. They had, like, this little private club, and I had to either answer a couple questions that they asked me, and if I got it right, I could be in the friend club, or I had to give them money. And they asked me a couple questions, which I still don't know the answers to today, and I remember feeling like, "Okay, I'm so dumb that because I'm not smart, people don't wanna hang out with me." And I went home and begged my mom for money. She put it in a little shoebox, all the change she had, to give them so I could hang out with them. And I remember after that day, spending that time with them, I was like... I felt really low. I felt really sad and depressed. I was like, "Man, I'm just, like, a nothing. Like, no one cares about me. If I have to pay money to have friends, how horrible of a human being am I?" And I think those moments, like, really shaped me, and I said, "I'd rather be, like, isolated and alone than being around people that don't care if I'm, like, you know, that I'm so dumb they don't wanna hang out with me, or if I can't provide them with money." I was like, "I'd rather be alone." And so I spent a lot of time alone, observing people and dealing with my own insecurities for [lips smack] pretty much throughout my teens. And I really look, look at my life in four

Lewis Howes 5:29 phases, like pre-teen, teen to 22, my 20s, and then 30 to now, which is 37. It's been kind of like four phases, which has been very confusing up till the last seven years. And it wasn't until I finally opened up about sexual trauma and sharing it out loud, first with a small group of people, then with my family and friends, then to my platform and to the world. It's still the most downloaded thing I've ever shared out on my podcast. You know, it's It's still something I get every week from people where they're sharing in about how they're opening up for the first time, because I didn't have a model growing up. And I felt like once I started to share my shame about sexual trauma, it no longer had power over me. It took some time to heal, but it no longer became a thing that crippled me and made me insecure. It's kind of like, you know, in 8 Mile when he's like, "This happened to me, and they cheated on my girl and this, and I shot myself," and whatever. It's like, once I started to share a lot of vulnerable things that I didn't want anyone to know about me, then I learned who my real family, who my real friends were, and I could start to fall in love with myself more. And I don't think I ever loved myself fully. I loved the mask that I wore. I loved, like, that I'm a jock, that I'm an athlete, that I'm successful in business, but I didn't love the inside. And I think it's a hard life to live if we don't learn how to love ourselves.

Jay Shetty 7:00 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 7:00 So that's been, that's been the journey. And, you know, I was also in the special needs classes. I almost flunked out of English senior year. So it's just a ch- challenging... I just re- never remember really happy times growing up because I never learned how to love myself. You have great videos that say, you know, [lip smack] they teach us how to memorize things in school, but they don't teach us how to deal with failure. They don't teach us how to deal with a broken heart. You know, those are the things that I struggle with the most. Like, I was always failing in school. I, no girls liked me. You know, I was always heartbroken, all this stuff, and I didn't know how to lose gracefully because my whole identity was tied around winning and gaining acceptance from people when I won in sports or when I broke a record. It was like people acknowledged me, and they saw me for the first time because I had a talent, whereas I never felt seen as a kid. You know, my parents saw me, and they were there for me, but I, the story I said is, "People don't care about me," even when they did. And I, and I think I just never learned the skill of loving myself until seven years ago, really, the process. And if people could fully love themselves and be proud of themselves, there'd just be a lot less mental and emotional suffering. So that's been kind of the journey in a nutshell.

Jay Shetty 8:18 I mean, that's phenomenal, man. Like, it's, you know, when, when I know you as you now over the last three years, you have one of the most kindest hearts I know.

Lewis Howes 8:29 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 8:29 You're one of the most open and loving people I know. You're, without a doubt, one of the most generous people I know. And, and to me, it's like, I can't ever imagine you not being those things-

Lewis Howes 8:40 Yeah

Jay Shetty 8:40 ... because you do it so effortlessly in one sense.

Lewis Howes 8:44 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 8:44 It can appear that way.

Lewis Howes 8:46 So if I would've met you 10 years ago, I probably wouldn't even recognize you, right?

Jay Shetty 8:49 [laughs] Yeah.

Lewis Howes 8:49 It's like you're a completely different person, but I didn't see that life.

Jay Shetty 8:52 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 8:52 I've seen only the last three years of you being, like, this incredible source of wisdom for the world that's gone viral and a, a great heart and a thoughtful mind. But I think, um, a lot of us go through these challenges.

Jay Shetty 9:06 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 9:06 You know, and we're, we're in the public, so we're talking a lot about our, our life. And so it's, it can be very scary if we haven't accepted ourselves to then say, "This is who I am." I know Michelle Obama talked about mild depression, I think it was a couple of days ago or recently, based on when this podcast comes out, where she's like, "I'm struggling." And she shared it publicly for the first time, which I think is really courageous. But when people are in the public eye, it's almost like we're forced to tear down our, our masks and our walls. Otherwise, we're being inauthentic to ourselves if we're only putting out this perfect image. And for years, I put out a perfect image or this ideal of, like, who I wanted to be in the world, and I was afraid of what... if people really saw who I was, they would never accept me. Kind of like when I was a kid. If they truly knew what happened, I wouldn't have friends.

Jay Shetty 9:59 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 10:00 And again, when I... And I realized, like, at 30, enough was enough. I was dealing with so much inner suffering. On the outside, everything looked great. Making great money, sold a business for seven figures, uh, you know, had girls who were interested in me. I had cool stuff. I was playing sports. People were admiring what I was accomplishing on the outside, but I was [lip smack] never proud of who I was on the inside and what I was afraid of. I had such deep insecurity that if anyone knew who I was, no one would ever love me. And I think once I got to a place of fully accepting myself, starting a healing journey, and sharing it with people and realizing I'm not dead, like, I'm not gonna die here, and people still love me, and people still care about me. Even more they like me. Because I'm being more real, it creates a deeper connection. And that's when I started to realize, like, oh, there's this thing called vulnerability that is actually probably the biggest superpower in the world that most people don't use. And that's kind of all I've just done is just been more and more open, more and more real, and it's still hard. You know, it's like, it's still hard to do sometimes, but I feel like it's the only way.

Jay Shetty 11:16 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 11:16 And there are certain things, and I'm not saying you should just publicly talk about everything of your fears and your insecurities. I think there's a time and place for everything. I just felt, like, a responsibility seven years ago to open up about these things because I didn't see another model. I didn't see another, you know, jock, white man opening up about stuff. And now when I see guys like Kevin Love talking about, uh, having mental breakdowns on the court and actually writing articles and speak- being an advocate for this, I'm like, "Great, now there's more athletes that look like him who might feel comfortable opening up at 10, at 12, at 14." I saw a young NBA player, um, [lip smack] I'm forgetting his name, recently, like, shaved his head on Instagram and said he's doing this and he feels free 'cause he was sexually abused over and over as a kid. I think he's a rookie NBA basketball player, and I'm like, "This is amazing that someone is posting this on Instagram who has a platform." 'Cause he's starting to heal, and maybe there... He's a, he's a young Black guy, and I'm like, maybe there's other young Black men who would never open up about this, and now they have the permission to, to share, and I think that's incredible. So I felt, like, a responsibility to, to start opening up publicly about these things, and I think you do such a great job on your videos of, like, addressing all these scary things that are hard for us; depression, mental illness, cheating, relationship breakups, divorce. Like, all these things that people are scared to go through, you're addressing, and I think that's what's helping heal the world.

Jay Shetty 12:44 Yeah, man. When you, when I hear you say every example that you're sharing right now, it's almost like you had to choose to do the hardest thing.

Lewis Howes 12:54 The scariest thing is, like, the way. You know? Whereas Ryan Holiday says the obstacle is the way, like, your greatest fears is the way. This is something I've been doing as a kid since my teens of realizing, okay, what are my fears? Because these are holding me back from being the greatest version of myself. So every year I would create a list of my biggest fears. I remember when I was a teenager, it was girls. I think every teenage boy is afraid of talking to girls-

Jay Shetty 13:22 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 13:22 ... getting rejected by girls, like, all that stuff is very scary. And for me, I remember it was like, I don't have confidence around girls. I don't know what to say. I'm a stutterer. I don't have anything funny. Like, I just-

Jay Shetty 13:34 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 13:34 ... stumble over my words. And I said to myself, okay, the summer when I was 16, I said, "Every day, when I see a girl that I'm interested in or is attracted to, I'm going to run, not in a creepy way up to them, but I'm gonna run towards them and start a conversation. When it gives me little butterflies, like, I don't care if I'm at the pool or the gym or the walking down the street, I have to go up to them." It was a challenge-

Jay Shetty 13:58 I love it

Lewis Howes 13:59 ... for 90 days to do this.

Jay Shetty 14:01 You should have videoed it. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 14:02 I should have. I wish. And for 90 days I did this, and I tell you what, the first couple weeks I was just humiliated. It was the worst feeling in the world because you're f- I faced my greatest fear, rejection, humiliation, uh, not being enough. They don't like me. Whatever it is. [clears throat] And by the end of the summer, I kid you not, I must have had, I don't know, 50 phone numbers and just lots of fun. You know, I'm not acting on any of these things. I'm just, like, having fun and overcoming a fear, and I think if human beings were able to create more contained challenges for themselves to overcome their inner insecurities, that's the greatest game you can play. Like, I used to play a lot of physical sports, but this is the greatest inner sport that you can play, is writing a list of your biggest fears and then giving yourself parameters and a, uh, a timeframe. So I did this with girls, and I was like, oh, it worked. I feel confident. I can say hi to people without being afraid. Then when I was 23, I did it with public speaking. I could not stand up in front of three people and say anything without sweating, without trembling. It was that crippling, and I know public speaking is a big fear for a lot of people. And I met someone who was a professional public speaker, and I said, "Tell me what I need to do to overcome this fear." He said, "You need to join Toastmasters. You need to go every single week until you're not afraid." So I gave myself a year. I said, I'm gonna do this every single week. I would film my speeches. It was horrible, but I... Every week I would get better, and at the end of the year, I remember being able to speak in front of this group of 15, 20 people in the club and speak without notes, you know, remember my speech, give it with poise, give it with everything I needed to do, and I was like, wow, I'm not afraid anymore. And I've done that with salsa dancing. You know, for salsa dancing I spent 90 days all in on salsa dancing. I was terrified that I could not dance. But I did the same challenge for myself, and I constantly do that, you know? I did this with opening up about sexual abuse. I was like, I'm terrified. For 25 years, no one's h- knows this except for me, and I never thought I would tell anyone, but I knew I was cheating myself by not at least processing the healing because it was something inside that was holding me back. And every year, um, luckily I'm faced with challenges every year that force me to address my fears, that force me to level up, to own my mistakes, to take accountability and responsibility and, and improve, and I think that's a beautiful thing of life is, like, I never wanna be not afraid of something because then I'm done.

Jay Shetty 16:37 Mm.

Lewis Howes 16:37 So I always wanna have something where I'm like, uh, right now it's Spanish. I have been wanting to practice to learn Spanish for 20 years.

Jay Shetty 16:45 Now you have to. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 16:46 Now I've got a Me- now I've got a Mexican girlfriend, and even the first year of our relationship I said, "Okay, I'm gonna do this," but I put it off. Like, I keep making excuses because every time I jump into a new app, uh, a new class, whatever it is, I get... My brain hurts so much from learning something that's challenging. This is why I didn't do well in school, 'cause I was just like, "I can't do this. I, I give up. Let me go play a sport." And I was just like, this is gonna suck for a couple of years. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm gonna be so much more proud of myself from accomplishing it in a few years, and what I'm gonna learn about myself in the process is gonna be greater than actually being fluent. But I just keep thinking back to, like, if I died today, would I regret not going after this fear? Would I regret that I didn't share this with my girlfriend, my husband, my wife, my kids, that I didn't go back to school, that I didn't write the book, launch the podcast, whatever it is. Would I regret it? And for me, I just never wanna regret. So I'm like, okay, I've now found a process. I've hired someone to do three days a week. I'm fitting it in my calendar. This is a priority every day, and it sucks right now 'cause I feel like I'm not learning any... I'm-

Jay Shetty 18:00 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 18:01 I can't speak still. But it's like, it's gonna take years, and I just need to trust the process and appreciate all the little wins.

Jay Shetty 18:10 Mm.

Lewis Howes 18:10 And not try to be fluent right away. Just be like, okay, I know a couple more words today. And that's what I think if people could do that, their life would be that much more magical. If you wrote down your biggest fears and you started tackling them every year.

Jay Shetty 18:24 Lewis, you're in flow, man. This is amazing stuff.

Lewis Howes 18:26 Become the Batman.

Jay Shetty 18:27 Th- this is a [laughs]

Lewis Howes 18:28 Become Batman.

Jay Shetty 18:29 This is amazing stuff. Like, I want everyone who's listening and watching right now to do what Lewis is saying right now. I literally want you to get out a piece of pen and paper. If you're not, then take a screenshot of where we are right now, come back to this later on, and do this because what he's saying is so powerful. Like, literally, it's so profound. Like, I love the fact that you've just consistently challenged, and challenged, and challenged.

Lewis Howes 18:50 Constantly.

Jay Shetty 18:50 And it just starts with writing down your fears and finding one thing you can do for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, whatever it is for you, and just doing that one thing every day.

Lewis Howes 19:01 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:01 And it's doing, it's acting. It's not just thinking about it. And so those are-

Lewis Howes 19:05 Yeah. I mean, your next book is gonna be Act Like a Monk.

Jay Shetty 19:06 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 19:07 And it's gonna be, the actions you take.

Jay Shetty 19:09 No.

Lewis Howes 19:09 But, uh, yeah, what would you say is your... Over the last three years-

Jay Shetty 19:13 Yeah

Lewis Howes 19:13 ... what were the biggest fears you had that you had to conquer? Or wh- and what's the biggest fear you have right now that you haven't conquered yet?

Jay Shetty 19:20 I think that the first thing that came to mind was after my first video went viral.

Lewis Howes 19:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:27 So-

Lewis Howes 19:28 It had a million views.

Jay Shetty 19:29 So yeah, the first one got a, got a million views in, like, seven days.

Lewis Howes 19:32 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:32 The second one got, like, a million views in 24 hours, and then ended up getting, like, a total of 160 million views across pages. This was when the HuffPost was sharing it.

Lewis Howes 19:40 Yeah. It was 2017, 2016.

Jay Shetty 19:42 2016. 2016. Mid 2016.

Lewis Howes 19:45 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 19:45 And my first fear became I don't wanna make any more videos.

Lewis Howes 19:49 What?

Jay Shetty 19:49 Because I was scared that they wouldn't do as well.

Lewis Howes 19:52 Oh my gosh.

Jay Shetty 19:53 And this is the crazy thing of the fear of... See, when, when you're starting, your fear is a failure, and then when you kind of have a breakthrough, your fear becomes of success.

Lewis Howes 20:03 It is. I mean, it's like, who said this? Uh, I think Liz Gilbert says something like, "Well, I'm never gonna be as successful as my last book that sold, like, 10 million copies of Eat Pray Love." And it's like, how do you live life knowing that you may never... Hopefully you keep creating stuff, but, but that didn't happen with you. You've been making videos that have got 300 million views and beyond, right?

Jay Shetty 20:25 Yeah, so that was the first fear I had to overcome was like-

Lewis Howes 20:28 Yeah

Jay Shetty 20:28 ... the, the fear before that was, well, who's gonna care?

Lewis Howes 20:31 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 20:31 So that was the biggest fear before starting, but you talked a lot about that. So-

Lewis Howes 20:34 Yeah

Jay Shetty 20:34 ... I just went on the opposite end of the fear of you've had your little breakthrough. You've got a little taste or a glimpse of people now caring, and now you're like, "Well, what if they don't care the next time?"

Lewis Howes 20:44 So did that-

Jay Shetty 20:44 What if-

Lewis Howes 20:45 Did that, uh, cripple you from wanting to create more or less or...?

Jay Shetty 20:49 I, I made less. I, I think at that time I was making one video per month because I was so scared.

Lewis Howes 20:55 So when I met you at Nasdaq, were you still only doing one a month?

Jay Shetty 20:59 At that time, I had just started getting more infor-

Lewis Howes 21:05 One every two weeks or something.

Jay Shetty 21:06 Yeah, probably, yeah. It wasn't, I wasn't able-

Lewis Howes 21:08 When I met you, or when I... After that, I was like, "You need to be doing three a week."

Jay Shetty 21:11 Yeah. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 21:11 I was like, "You need to go hard, like, all in on this."

Jay Shetty 21:15 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 21:15 'Cause you were like, "Yeah, maybe I'll start a podcast and write a book," then I go, "Wait, and go all in on video right now."

Jay Shetty 21:22 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 21:22 Tunnel vision on just how can I... This was your gift. And I think people get distracted too early, where it's like, "Okay, this is my gift. It's working, and let me do this, this, and this 'cause it's cool." But you went all in and you, you freaking crushed.

Jay Shetty 21:37 Yeah. So that was, that was one of the fears. Uh-

Lewis Howes 21:40 Yeah

Jay Shetty 21:40 ... the, the other fear was, you know, in, when we were in New York, and we've talked about this before, me and Radhi had moved there six months ago.

Lewis Howes 21:47 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 21:47 I decided that I had to venture out into creating my own thing, and I was four months away from being broke. We had four months left to pay rent and groceries.

Lewis Howes 21:56 No way, man.

Jay Shetty 21:56 That's it. That's literally what we had left.

Lewis Howes 21:58 And you were like, "Okay, I'm gonna go leave HuffPo or be part-time, and then go create more," which takes money, time, and energy.

Jay Shetty 22:04 Yeah. And, and I realized that I had to make that journey to start building and creating because I wanted to create stuff that I really wanted to create and put out.

Lewis Howes 22:12 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 22:12 But at the same time, that came with the risk of, hey, we just got married a year ago. We moved here six months ago. I know no one in New York. No one really knows me, and now I'm trying to create something from scratch in a city where I was full of unknowns.

Lewis Howes 22:27 Right. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:28 So that fear came out. The, the only solution to that fear was literally I woke up the next day and I emailed, just like you did kind of with the, with the girls at that time, but I emailed every person-

Lewis Howes 22:41 You emailed a bunch of girls?

Jay Shetty 22:42 No, no. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 22:42 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:43 Can you imagine? I emailed every person I'd ever had any interaction with that may need a video, and I said, "I will edit your videos. I will shoot your videos. I will create videos for you." And so I just started creating content.

Lewis Howes 22:59 Full-on hustle, scrappy mode.

Jay Shetty 23:00 Literally, just to survive.

Lewis Howes 23:02 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 23:03 Just to survive.

Lewis Howes 23:04 And what happened when, after, like, a week of sending those out, what happened?

Jay Shetty 23:07 I was getting a few people emailing back, and I realized that it was all a game of odds, that I got back as much as I put in. So if I sent 100 emails, I got 10 responses. If I sent 1,000 emails, I was getting 100 responses. And I was literally trying to find any way through to, like, seeing people who'd retweeted me on Twitter and reaching out to them, and-

Lewis Howes 23:25 Smart

Jay Shetty 23:25 ... like, just any-

Lewis Howes 23:26 Just DM, "Hey, do you need some video work? I can help you."

Jay Shetty 23:28 Totally. Like, just looking at someone's job title-

Lewis Howes 23:30 Yeah, yeah

Jay Shetty 23:30 ... in LinkedIn and going, like, "Who's this person?" Because I wanted to build something for myself, but I wasn't sure that people were going to allow me to create what I wanted to create straight away.

Lewis Howes 23:40 And also, there wasn't, like, a monetization plan three years ago on Facebook-

Jay Shetty 23:43 No

Lewis Howes 23:44 ... or I guess maybe YouTube, but it wasn't, like, a way to make money with your content. You were just, "I'm impacting the world, and that's why maybe I'll do a book, and this and that to make some money." But you couldn't monetize really then.

Jay Shetty 23:55 No. And, and, and it was... Monetization's never been my goal. Like, in the beginning, the goal was simply to make an impact, and then I realized that without money, you can't scale the impact.

Lewis Howes 24:06 It's true.

Jay Shetty 24:06 And that was the clear decision that I had to rewire my relationship with money.

Lewis Howes 24:11 Mm.

Jay Shetty 24:11 I had to rewire my relationship.

Lewis Howes 24:12 So was that a big fear?

Jay Shetty 24:13 That was a big fear.

Lewis Howes 24:14 We've talked about this a bunch before, but why was money a big fear for you?

Jay Shetty 24:18 Well, I think I grew up in a family where we always had just enough. So the language around money was, "We have just enough. We have just enough. We have just enough." And almost there was, not necessarily through my parents, but there was a negative kind of narrative that I grew up with that to be rich or wealthy you had to backstab-

Lewis Howes 24:38 Mm

Jay Shetty 24:38 ... lie, cheat, steal, or do something dodgy.

Lewis Howes 24:42 Or not be there for your family or, you know-

Jay Shetty 24:44 Correct

Lewis Howes 24:44 ... sacrifice time.

Jay Shetty 24:46 Totally, like it couldn't be done in a healthy way.

Lewis Howes 24:49 Mm.

Jay Shetty 24:49 You couldn't become wealthy in a healthy way, right?

Lewis Howes 24:52 Right, right, right.

Jay Shetty 24:52 Something like that was kind of-

Lewis Howes 24:53 What was the switch for you then when you realized, oh no, like money is a good thing to make more of an impact, and I actually need to focus on this or add, you know, overcome this fear?

Jay Shetty 25:03 Well, I think being in a place where you're four months away from being broke-

Lewis Howes 25:05 [laughs] You're like, "I need to make some money." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 25:07 You, you realize that fear doesn't help you be creative.

Lewis Howes 25:11 Mm.

Jay Shetty 25:12 So your creativity actually shrinks when you're under immense pressure and fear.

Lewis Howes 25:18 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:18 Because creativity, of course, creativity also comes from pain, but creativity also needs abundance-

Lewis Howes 25:25 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:25 ... to, to really flourish.

Lewis Howes 25:26 That's true. You have a great part in your... You have a great chapter or section in your book that says, "Follow the pain in your heart."

Jay Shetty 25:32 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 25:33 And it sounds like you had a pain in your heart, like, "I gotta pay for rent, and I've got this creative endeavor that I really wanna take on," and so you went all in on that.

Jay Shetty 25:41 Yeah, exactly. The fear now that I think that I'm, I'm really... I theoretically understand, but I'm still working on-

Lewis Howes 25:48 You haven't done

Jay Shetty 25:49 ... that I haven't done yet, is I wish I could talk to every person that followed me on social and share my heart with them. Like, I wish-

Lewis Howes 26:01 Wow.

Jay Shetty 26:01 My fear is that people don't understand my heart.

Lewis Howes 26:04 Mm.

Jay Shetty 26:05 And theoretically, I know that no one will ever fully understand me, and so I have to be able to let go of that. But I think it's hard, like you said, when you're living a public life, and you want to be able to share your truth with people, and you want everyone to understand you. Like, for example, if me and you are talking, we can give each other time of day to understand each other.

Lewis Howes 26:27 Yes. Context, conversation, a back and forth.

Jay Shetty 26:30 Yeah, depth and, like-

Lewis Howes 26:32 Yeah

Jay Shetty 26:32 ... reflection, but when you have, even if you have a video or you have a podcast, speaking to someone one-on-one is a totally different experience. That's why podcasts work, because even though we know-

Lewis Howes 26:43 Yeah

Jay Shetty 26:43 ... other people are gonna hear this, really it's a conversation between us.

Lewis Howes 26:47 What is the thing that you really wish people understood about you, about your heart? If you had-

Jay Shetty 26:52 Yeah

Lewis Howes 26:53 ... 60 seconds to two minutes to share that-

Jay Shetty 26:55 Yeah

Lewis Howes 26:55 ... direct to your audience-

Jay Shetty 26:56 Yeah

Lewis Howes 26:56 ... what would you say that's-

Jay Shetty 26:58 I'd say-

Lewis Howes 26:58 ... you really want them to hear?

Jay Shetty 27:00 Yeah, I'd say that I'd want people to know that my intention has always been to serve. It always will be. That's the place I come from. And that I try my best every single day to do what I love in a way that can help other people grow.

Lewis Howes 27:18 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 27:19 And that I'm not perfect. Uh, I, I'm, I don't have it all figured out, but I'm learning along the way, and I'm sharing what I've learned.

Lewis Howes 27:29 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 27:30 And that, to me, is, you know... That, to me, is probably in 60-second version.

Lewis Howes 27:34 Sure, sure.

Jay Shetty 27:34 What would you say yours is? What would you say-

Lewis Howes 27:36 Well, I think it's a lot of pressure for, especially since you're a monk, you probably have more pressure, because people assume that, like, you're supposed to be this perfect, spiritual... I don't know. I'm just making an assumption, but that might be part of the pressure. And I think people need to understand that we're all human beings just trying to, like, figure it out.

Jay Shetty 27:51 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 27:52 And, and I know your heart, and I know what you've been through, and I know the challenges and things you've overcome, and I think it's, it's unfortunate that anyone with any size of an audience has a pressure to be perfect with everything in their life.

Jay Shetty 28:05 Mm.

Lewis Howes 28:05 And there's so much happening in the world right now where they're just canceling everyone, where it seems like it's exhausting.

Jay Shetty 28:11 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 28:11 Like, you have to be perfect, and that's why people are more afraid than ever to be vulnerable-

Jay Shetty 28:14 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 28:14 ... because it's just another thing to knock people down.

Jay Shetty 28:17 Yeah. Well, that's what I was gonna ask you. Has there ever been a time where you felt you were vulnerable and open where actually you found people took advantage of it or distanced themself from you? Or have you always found that vulnerability-

Lewis Howes 28:32 Mm

Jay Shetty 28:32 ... has acted in this superpower? And there's no right or wrong answer. I really wanna know, like, have you always found that vulnerability? And then, and then what is that vulnerability, if that's the case? How was it done artfully that, uh-

Lewis Howes 28:43 Um, the first thing that's coming up is I was really worried. I didn't think people would receive me for opening up about sexual trauma. I didn't think they would... I thought they would, like, say nasty things or whatever, distance themselves, but it was, like, the complete opposite, where that vulnerability really... And again, I wasn't doing it for some type of marketing strategy. I was just like, "I need to get this off my chest," and I wanted to share it. Um, gosh, I'm trying to think of, like, being vulnerable, a time where it didn't work. I feel like it always works out.

Jay Shetty 29:14 Mm.

Lewis Howes 29:15 I think, uh, you know, a year and a half ago, I was going through a breakup, and that was a very vulnerable time for me, because I had people that didn't have the full context and weren't actually reaching out to me to ask me questions. They were just making assumptions, and that was more of a painful challenge to go through of realizing, "Oh, here's who my real friends are, and here's who people who have just, like, always taken for years, but when I'm going through something where they don't really know what's going on, they make assumptions, and they don't become vulnerable with me." So that was, like, a, a moment where I was like, "Man, that kinda sucks that," you know. Uh, but it was also great in the fact that I learned who my friends were.

Jay Shetty 29:56 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 29:56 And so it was like I got to purge a lot of people, and you were really instrumental in helping me, like, you know, people are gonna come and go. You can't hold on to relationships. And you don't wanna hold on to a relationship if they're single-sided or if they're judgmental or if they're, whatever, righteous about something without actually taking the time to be thoughtful, ask questions, listen with an open heart, and hear what's actually really going on.

Jay Shetty 30:20 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 30:20 And I think that was a, that was a time where I was like It's hard in the moment when you're in it, but I kept saying to myself, "I'm gonna have hindsight now, hindsight now, hindsight now." By the end of this year, it's New Year's Eve, like, I'm gonna be in a completely different place, and this is all gonna be happening-

Jay Shetty 30:36 That's powerful

Lewis Howes 30:37 ... it's, it's all gonna be happening and serving me in a much greater way that's gonna set me up for something that I would never been able to do in the future. And I feel like the adversity that we go through sets us up for incredible things. But it's so hard to see it and go through it in that moment. But by the end of that year, I was with a woman, the woman of my dreams. I was... purged relationships that were takers of me for years, just wanting me to promote them and help them and make introductions, who were only single-sided. I purged these judgmental people out of my life. I developed deeper relationships with the people I had who were there for me, you being one of them. And I freed myself of the need to please other people.

Jay Shetty 31:24 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 31:24 And that was a, that was another fear of mine, which was like, I want everyone to like me.

Jay Shetty 31:29 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 31:30 I want everyone to understand me. Kinda like you.

Jay Shetty 31:31 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 31:31 It's like, ah, but they, if they actually knew what was really happening, they would know what's going on in my heart and all these things, but... And so when I freed myself of that, it was like, I'm in a, I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and I'll tell you why. She's the woman of my dreams, yet if we broke up tomorrow, I'd be okay. Because I'm such at peace knowing that this is happening for me, and she's in my life for a reason right now, and hopefully it lasts a long time, but if it doesn't, for whatever reason, we weren't supposed to force it, and it's setting me up for something that I learned to, to use in the next relationship or the next part of my life. And I've never been in a re- I'm getting chills right now 'cause I've never been in a relationship where I've been able to say, like, I'd be okay-

Jay Shetty 32:19 Mm

Lewis Howes 32:20 ... if it didn't work out.

Jay Shetty 32:21 Mm.

Lewis Howes 32:22 And that's why I stayed in relationships too long, because I was too afraid to let it go and feel alone and feel insecure. And now I'm just like, if she broke up with me or if we decided it wasn't the right fit, I'd be at peace because I'm not attached. And this is something you taught me, is about really being unattached to the outcome. Like, being unattached to whatever it looks like, and knowing that if I keep focusing on my heart, if I keep focusing on giving, if I keep focusing on growing, if I keep focusing on loving people and loving myself, then I'm going to reject and attract the right things in my life, whether it be my relationships intimately, business partnerships, friends. You're going to repel people that don't wanna be in that energy, and you're going to be a magnet to beautiful things.

Jay Shetty 33:07 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 33:08 And that's why, like, the first time in my life, in my mind, I'm like, my mind is calm and my heart is at peace because I'm not attached to something needing to look a certain way. It feels beautiful.

Jay Shetty 33:20 What a beautiful place to be, man.

Lewis Howes 33:21 I'd be, I'd be sad... Listen, I don't wanna end the relationship.

Jay Shetty 33:23 I get it.

Lewis Howes 33:24 I'd be sad. I'd be like, okay, I'm sure there'd be some grieving, but I... just, like, I feel like I've been through so many hard things-

Jay Shetty 33:30 Mm

Lewis Howes 33:31 ... in my life emotionally, internally, that I'm like, "I'm fine."

Jay Shetty 33:34 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 33:34 "I'm okay. I'm alive."

Jay Shetty 33:35 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 33:36 "I'm here." And it's actually e- it's almost like that thing that didn't work out pushed me up higher to the next greater thing.

Jay Shetty 33:44 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 33:44 And that relationship taught me this lesson that's allowed me to do this thing. And this person is getting me to actually learn Spanish, which has been something I wanna do for 20 years. And this person got me to open my heart and talk about sexual abuse, and it's like it's all helping me and serve me-

Jay Shetty 34:00 Mm

Lewis Howes 34:00 ... to then serve and give more energy to the world. And I think that's what people need to look at is, like, the challenge that I'm facing right now, the adversity you're facing, whether it be COVID, a relationship, your, you lost your job, like, you need to look at this as the greatest gift of your life because it is. If you look at it as the greatest adversity, then you'll stay in that space for much longer until you realize this is a beautiful gift and it's serving me. Where do I find the lesson, and how can I lean into the lesson and grow from there?

Jay Shetty 34:29 That is beautiful, man. Well said. Like, that is-

Lewis Howes 34:31 You know?

Jay Shetty 34:32 ... truly just-

Lewis Howes 34:32 You know?

Jay Shetty 34:33 ... you're speaking to our hearts right now. Like, that is such a beautiful place to live-

Lewis Howes 34:37 Yeah

Jay Shetty 34:37 ... it sounds like.

Lewis Howes 34:38 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 34:38 Because it is a complete relationship with yourself-

Lewis Howes 34:42 Gosh, man

Jay Shetty 34:43 ... first-

Lewis Howes 34:44 If, if-

Jay Shetty 34:44 ... which is what you started with

Lewis Howes 34:45 ... I, I think, uh, the most interesting relationship we have is the relationship we have with ourself or source or God or higher, or our power, but I think the, the self-image we have... Like, I remember looking in the mirror as a kid and not loving myself. And if, if you can look in the mirror without narcissism, but actually, like, pure love for all that you've had to overcome, all that you've been through, all you've accomplished, your way of being, how you've been kind to human beings and kind to yourself, and if you can fully look in the mirror and say, "I love you, and I'm grateful for you, and I'm proud of you," those are three of the most incredible things that a person could say, 'cause most people can't say those things today. I bet if you're listening or watching this right now, that there's a lot of people that can't look themselves in the mirror, take their clothes off down to their underwear and say, "I love you, I'm proud of you, and you matter."

Jay Shetty 35:43 Mm.

Lewis Howes 35:43 Right? Those three things are probably things that it's hard. Maybe you love some things, but you don't love everything.

Jay Shetty 35:48 Mm.

Lewis Howes 35:49 And I... There's a lot I wanna work on. I'm not perfect. I... There's a lot of flaws, but it's like at the end of the day, I ask myself, "Did I show up and do the best I could," like you. "Did I give to the best that I could, and am I following my mission, my purpose?" You know? And Think Like a Monk, you give a clear outline of how to discover and follow your purpose.

Jay Shetty 36:11 Mm.

Lewis Howes 36:11 Without a purpose, we are really feeling lost-

Jay Shetty 36:14 Mm

Lewis Howes 36:14 ... and we're gonna feel like we're never enough 'cause we're chasing a bunch of things that aren't the mission. So that's why I, I keep going back to your book 'cause I think it's really, like, the, the handbook for living a great life for people that if... You know, I got an early copy, so I feel blessed-

Jay Shetty 36:27 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 36:27 ... to be able to, like, learn this stuff now and apply it to my life, but- You know, it wasn't until a few years ago when I really was able to look at myself in the mirror and say like, "I'm proud of you."

Jay Shetty 36:37 Mm.

Lewis Howes 36:37 "And I love you, and you matter." And I think that's sad, but also exciting at the same time because I think if people can learn that quicker, they're just gonna have much more peace in their heart, and that's what we all need.

Jay Shetty 36:51 Lewis Howes, man, this is... Literally everything you're saying today is just like, it's hitting the heart.

Lewis Howes 36:56 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 36:56 Like, I'm hearing you speak today-

Lewis Howes 36:58 Uh-huh

Jay Shetty 36:58 ... and we speak often, so I'm, I'm used to having conversations with you, and we always have like three, four-hour conversations-

Lewis Howes 37:03 Yeah

Jay Shetty 37:03 ... whether we're walking or sitting. But everything you're saying today is like going straight to the heart.

Lewis Howes 37:08 Mm.

Jay Shetty 37:08 Like, it's just decluttering for me.

Lewis Howes 37:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:11 And so I'm hoping that everyone who's listening or watching right now, you're listening to Lewis going, "I need more of this guy in my life."

Lewis Howes 37:17 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 37:18 Because he's so clear, so crystal clear.

Lewis Howes 37:20 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:21 And, and I can tell that it's because you've done the work over the last few years. Like, this isn't just... See, saying those things that you-

Lewis Howes 37:28 Not just theory.

Jay Shetty 37:29 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 37:29 Not just reading it.

Jay Shetty 37:30 It's not theory, and it's also not just reading the lines, right? You're not just saying that to yourself in the mirror-

Lewis Howes 37:35 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 37:36 ... to say it to yourself.

Lewis Howes 37:37 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:37 You're doing the internal work to be able to say that to yourself in a genuine, authentic way-

Lewis Howes 37:43 Yeah

Jay Shetty 37:44 ... with the understanding still that you wanna grow.

Lewis Howes 37:46 Yeah. Listen, I'm not in front of the mirror every day saying these things to myself.

Jay Shetty 37:49 You're not? Like-

Lewis Howes 37:49 No. I'm not like-

Jay Shetty 37:50 In your underwear [laughs]

Lewis Howes 37:50 ... I'm not like in my underwear. But, but I've done it before.

Jay Shetty 37:53 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 37:53 And I think you need to ask... It could be a reflective question: Could I stand in front of the mirror-

Jay Shetty 37:57 Yeah

Lewis Howes 37:58 ... and look at myself? And every day, I, I think about something every day that is... You know, I don't meditate every day, although I try to. You know, I wish I was as disciplined as you, two hours in the morning. But I, I do about a 15-minute meditation almost daily-

Jay Shetty 38:14 Yeah

Lewis Howes 38:14 ... um, called the Soul Sync. That's really worked for me. But every day, it might just be a few minutes, but every day I think about the greatest version of myself. What is like the greatest version of Lewis Howes look like? And if he was, from a distance, walking towards me, if I could soak that in for 10 seconds, the way he walked, his posture, his energy, his aura, his love, what would I be feeling? What would I be experiencing? I try to imagine myself, the greatest perfect version of myself walking towards me and then staring me straight in the eyes. And I try to imagine what are the things that I'm not doing that are not getting me closer to that right now. How can I eliminate those things? [smacks lips] What are the things I am doing that's gonna get me closer? How can I do more of those things? And I'm a big visual guy. So for me, visualization allows me to paint a picture in my mind, and then h- and hopefully apply it in the real world by taking action. Um, but I try to... That's my meditation. It's like, what's, what's holding me back? What's missing? And what does that greatest version of me have when he walks close to me? And I think if we look at our lives like that, where we start to imagine, what could I do? Not that I'm ever gonna reach that, but what could I be doing better? And am I closer every single day to that great image of myself that I wanna be, the thing that makes me proud, the thing that makes me feel like I matter and that I love myself?

Jay Shetty 39:39 Mm.

Lewis Howes 39:39 And I think, um, [smacks lips] it's a, it's a powerful, uh, technique that I use daily to, to help me get there.

Jay Shetty 39:46 Dude, that's so powerful.

Lewis Howes 39:47 It's fun.

Jay Shetty 39:48 That's so powerful.

Lewis Howes 39:49 It's fun.

Jay Shetty 39:49 Because visualizing... Most of us are visual thinkers, or at least the ones of us that are, and all of us love visuals-

Lewis Howes 39:55 Yes

Jay Shetty 39:55 ... whether it's movies or music videos or... And you're so right that when you start to see it clearly in your mind, and you've always talked about this.

Lewis Howes 40:03 Yes.

Jay Shetty 40:03 I've heard you talk about this on Ellen, I've heard you talk about this, uh, on multiple interviews, where you always talk about like it starts with a dream.

Lewis Howes 40:10 Yes.

Jay Shetty 40:10 But it's like the dream is something you have to see first.

Lewis Howes 40:13 Yep.

Jay Shetty 40:14 Right? And that is what a dream is. When you go to sleep and you dream, it means you saw something.

Lewis Howes 40:18 Yes.

Jay Shetty 40:18 And, and that's where it starts. And, and I wanna start here by talking about something that you've got that started as a dream-

Lewis Howes 40:24 Mm

Jay Shetty 40:24 ... that started as a visual in your mind, that now is about to reach its 1,000th episode-

Lewis Howes 40:30 Yeah

Jay Shetty 40:30 ... which is your podcast, The School of Greatness, which is what-

Lewis Howes 40:33 It's crazy, man

Jay Shetty 40:33 ... the first book was, uh, based on. For those of you who haven't read it-

Lewis Howes 40:37 Yeah

Jay Shetty 40:37 ... this is, uh, Lewis's first-ever book, New York Times best-selling author of this book, The School of Greatness. But you're on your thousandth episode.

Lewis Howes 40:45 Crazy, man. Yeah, I wanna... You know, I remember as I started to go through my healing process seven and a half, eight years ago, I had an idea. I was like, "I just wanna interview great minds," and 'cause I'm learning from so many great people. I was a great networker, and I would get a seat at the table, and I would get a one-on-one call with them. And I was like, "Man, I just wish everyone could hear the information that they're sharing." And I always thought I was asking the dumbest questions when I would talk to them, like the most basic, dumb questions. But for whatever reason, they were like so grateful that I asked them. And I was like, "God, but I just feel like no- everyone will make fun of me if I ask these questions." So I had a... You know, I was like, "I feel like I'm doing a disservice by getting all this knowledge and not sharing it with other people," my dumb questions, right? And, um, I was like, "I just wanna launch a show." This was way before podcast was po- popular. 2012, I had the idea, and I was like, "I wanna launch this show. I wanna do it once a week." And I had one episode with one listener to start, and now we're 250 million downloads, a thousand episodes in. And I didn't know what would, what would happen from the dream. It was just like, "I just wanna create this thing and start it, and I wanna do it for a year." It was an experiment, just like everything else. 'Cause I wasn't a polished interviewer. I didn't have radio skills. I wasn't like an on-camera host. I was none of that. But I was like, "This is an experiment to overcome fears, to put myself out there and allow people to hear me ask dumb questions. And hopefully, based on me learning, they can learn." And I think a lot of people that have a dream of doing something, they're, they're just wrapped up in so much fear that if you could just get it started and be consistent, you'll see so many beautiful things that come from it. I never knew I would launch a book from the podcast or the second book or a live event or coaching or co- Like, I didn't... They all stemmed from people saying We want more. Can you create something else?

Jay Shetty 42:36 Yes.

Lewis Howes 42:36 Same thing with you.

Jay Shetty 42:37 Yes, totally.

Lewis Howes 42:37 You probably never knew when I, I'm gonna do these videos once a month and in- inspire people. You never knew that you would have this book that is going to be a number one New York Time bestseller, international phenomenon. I'm calling it now-

Jay Shetty 42:48 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 42:48 ... before it comes out. You didn't know you'd have a podcast that's now one of the top 50 in the world on iTunes. You didn't know these things would come, come from it, but you had a dream of like, "I just wanna create videos and inspire people." And because you leaned into your, your talent, your skill set of being like a great learner from your, your education years to monk life, to then being a great teacher, and your m- love for movies and creativity and putting it into your creation in a unique and different way, you had the trifecta, the perfect storm that allowed you to share your gift with the world, and it worked. And so you kept leaning into it. And then because of that impact, okay, you're gonna have this book, the podcast, TV shows, movies, like, whatever you wanna do is gonna happen. But if you never overcame the fear of putting out that first video, and then the fear of success of doing it consistently, you wouldn't have the rest of this.

Jay Shetty 43:43 Yeah, I think about that all the time. I consistently think about what my life would be if I listened to the rejections and the failures and didn't put that first video out, and I wonder how you would feel. And by the way, anyone who's listening or watching right now, you can tell that Lewis is a really good interviewer because he keeps making it about the other person.

Lewis Howes 44:02 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 44:03 And that shows you why he's such a brilliant interviewer. Like, it's like, why are we talking about me again? [laughs]

Lewis Howes 44:07 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 44:07 Like, why, why do we keep talking about me? Uh, and I'm not trying to make it about me at all, but this is Lewis. This is why he's such a great interviewer. And when I... You know, me and Lewis, we've interviewed a couple people together or been at tables where Lewis is asking question.

Lewis Howes 44:19 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 44:20 I actually believe that you ask the best questions.

Lewis Howes 44:23 Oh, okay.

Jay Shetty 44:23 Like, when you ask a question, it, it's often a question I've never even thought of.

Lewis Howes 44:27 Mm.

Jay Shetty 44:28 And I definitely don't think it's stupid, but, but there's a depth to the way you answer because you really wanna hear the-

Lewis Howes 44:35 Mm.

Jay Shetty 44:35 You really wanna learn.

Lewis Howes 44:36 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 44:37 And, and you have that. And I remember my, my, one of my monk teachers teaching me that, he said that if you ever feel you gave a good class or if you ever failed that, feel that you gave a good sermon or a lecture-

Lewis Howes 44:49 Mm

Jay Shetty 44:49 ... he said, "You should always remember that it, it is because of the sincerity and eagerness of the audience." And he said that, "If you felt that you delivered, it's because that audience was so receptive to hear."

Lewis Howes 45:04 It's like we've both been at conferences where we've spoken where the audiences were not engaged, and you might've been like, "I'm up here dancing like a monkey, freaking sweating, jumping around-"

Jay Shetty 45:12 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 45:12 "... telling the best stories ever," and it feels like crickets still.

Jay Shetty 45:16 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 45:16 And, and everyone's on their phone, and you're like... But when you go into a, a room, uh, where it's just like they're just sitting on the edge of their seat because they're just excited to hear you, whatever reason the context was set up, you're just like, you can say whatever, they laugh in a moment.

Jay Shetty 45:28 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 45:28 It's probably like a comedian where it's like, you know, you go into a comedy club-

Jay Shetty 45:32 Yeah

Lewis Howes 45:32 ... and if they're not receptive, you gotta work.

Jay Shetty 45:34 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 45:35 It doesn't matter if you do your best stuff, it's about the audience as well.

Jay Shetty 45:37 But you're that guy. You're, you're that receptive audience-

Lewis Howes 45:39 Yeah

Jay Shetty 45:40 ... always.

Lewis Howes 45:40 I love to learn from everyone.

Jay Shetty 45:42 On the... Yeah.

Lewis Howes 45:42 You have a, I think you have a chapter in your book on how to learn from everyone.

Jay Shetty 45:44 Yeah. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 45:46 And it's, I've been, I f- as the... This is one of my, I guess, as I reflect back, like, every adversity is for us if we find a lesson in it.

Jay Shetty 45:54 Mm.

Lewis Howes 45:55 I just felt like, why am I so stupid?

Jay Shetty 45:57 Mm.

Lewis Howes 45:57 Like, every year in class, I never got ab- above the bottom four in our, in our grade cards. So they used to rank us. I don't know if they did this in London, but they used to rank our grade cards.

Jay Shetty 46:09 Oh, yeah.

Lewis Howes 46:09 And I never dropped, or never got past the bottom four, ever-

Jay Shetty 46:14 Yeah

Lewis Howes 46:15 ... ever from what I, my memory. And I remember just, it was just a confirmation of how stupid I am. It was just like, "Well, you suck. It doesn't matter how many tutors, how many special needs classes you're in, you're never gonna be smart." It was like the story. But I was like, "Ah, but I feel like if I observe people differently, and if I learn to connect with people in a different way, and if I ask different questions, and I just observe human behavior, people will still wanna connect with me, not based on how smart I am or my grade card, but because I just care."

Jay Shetty 46:47 Mm.

Lewis Howes 46:47 And I remember hearing the quote, I think it was from Roosevelt, that was, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

Jay Shetty 46:54 Yes.

Lewis Howes 46:54 And I heard that as a teenager and I was like, "I have a chance, like, in this life because I'm never gonna know as much as anyone else. I'm always gonna be the dumbest person in every room, and in fact, I try to be. And yet it's not a competition of who's smarter, who's not, and it's not a competition of who cares more or not, but just showing that you do care is always going to be to your advantage."

Jay Shetty 47:18 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely, man. Absolutely. But I wanna do a quick activity with you with the Thousandth podcast.

Lewis Howes 47:24 Okay.

Jay Shetty 47:25 I'm nowhere near, so I can't imagine what you're talking about.

Lewis Howes 47:27 What are you on right now?

Jay Shetty 47:28 I think we're on, like, what? We're nearly reached one and a half years, so, and we do two a week.

Lewis Howes 47:33 Yes.

Jay Shetty 47:34 So we're-

Lewis Howes 47:34 150, is that right?

Jay Shetty 47:35 Yeah, exactly. Yes.

Lewis Howes 47:36 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 47:36 We're like at a 10th.

Lewis Howes 47:37 170? Okay.

Jay Shetty 47:37 We're literally like 10th or a fifth of what you've done.

Lewis Howes 47:40 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 47:41 So when you look at 1,000 episodes, and I really do wanna focus on this because, you know, you wrote a whole book-

Lewis Howes 47:46 Yeah

Jay Shetty 47:46 ... about the podcast with, with interviews.

Lewis Howes 47:48 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 47:49 I, I wanna focus in on a few, and, and I know it's not gonna be an easy exercise because you know what's coming. But, but the reason why I'm gonna ask these questions is because I want to hear how much these are not just questions for you. They're really like you're in your own classroom.

Lewis Howes 48:06 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 48:06 Like, you know, you, we're in Lewis's classroom-

Lewis Howes 48:09 Sure

Jay Shetty 48:09 ... which is the School of Greatness.

Lewis Howes 48:10 Yep.

Jay Shetty 48:11 Which is what's so beautiful about the name, because it's almost the school you didn't have, the school I didn't have, and the school no one had.

Lewis Howes 48:17 School I wish I had.

Jay Shetty 48:18 Exactly, and so you've created that. So let's start with who do you think in your podcast would have made a brilliant school teacher? Which guest would have made, like, the best school teacher that you would have went to have?

Lewis Howes 48:31 I mean, that's pretty easy. I think you would have been the best because-

Jay Shetty 48:33 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 48:34 ... because you were a teacher, and you stru- I'm not just saying this because you're here. You're probably the first one I would have thought of even if you didn't say that. But because you just know how to structure challenging things into easy concepts. And for me, that's what I'm always trying to bridge the gap from. This is a challenging idea, uh, concept. I don't understand this, so let me find the expert who can make it simple, and then I can ask a question that I second and say, "Okay, so you're telling me that if we just do this, this, and this, we'll be happy." Right?

Jay Shetty 49:03 Yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes 49:03 It's like, how can I solve these problems? And so I think you do such a brilliant job of showing it through visual and through quotes and through your own, uh, experience to make it something we can see, feel, and experience-

Jay Shetty 49:19 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 49:19 ... uh, as a teacher. So I think you're, you're one of the best.

Jay Shetty 49:22 All right.

Lewis Howes 49:22 I, let me think. I mean, Brene Brown, 'cause she is a teacher.

Jay Shetty 49:25 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 49:25 She's a professor.

Jay Shetty 49:26 A professor.

Lewis Howes 49:26 Yeah, so I think she is great of, of that. Um, ah, this guy I just had on, Dr. Ivan Joseph, who's a sports psychologist-

Jay Shetty 49:37 Wow

Lewis Howes 49:37 ... professor. I think he's brilliant. So I've had a lot of professors on-

Jay Shetty 49:40 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 49:41 ... from Harvard and stuff like that. But-

Jay Shetty 49:42 Yeah

Lewis Howes 49:43 ... the non-teacher, I think you. Um, yeah, Brene, but she's a teacher, so.

Jay Shetty 49:47 The next question is, who has taught you the most, and what is it, the most fascinating relationship lesson? So who have you had on that's really given you a-

Lewis Howes 49:56 [sighs]

Jay Shetty 49:56 ... relationship insight?

Lewis Howes 49:57 Um, the first thing that comes to mind-

Jay Shetty 49:59 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 49:59 ... is Rob Bell-

Jay Shetty 50:01 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 50:01 ... who is a... I don't know if you know who he is. He's like a spiritual pastor.

Jay Shetty 50:04 I know who he is, but I've never-

Lewis Howes 50:05 Yeah

Jay Shetty 50:05 ... I've never met him.

Lewis Howes 50:06 I've had him on a few times, and I'm... Every time he comes on, I feel like he speaks to my heart. He told me about relationships and marriage. I'm probably gonna butcher it, but he was like, "You create love in the space between when you guys are together."

Jay Shetty 50:21 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 50:21 It's not when you're together where love is created, it's the space to twen- between when you're thinking about the person.

Jay Shetty 50:26 Wow.

Lewis Howes 50:28 And it may... It reminded me of a, a quote by, I think it was Yo-Yo Ma, who said, like, "Harmony is in between the notes."

Jay Shetty 50:35 Mm.

Lewis Howes 50:35 Like in music, it's like it's in be- the harmony is made in between the notes, right? It's like that's where the music is actually heard, in between the notes. And I think when he said that, it, it connected me to that. I was like, "You know, it's interesting that love is like this, the space you have apart." And that might be, like, 30 minutes or days, but it's the space in between. So that was really insightful, and I'm probably butchering it, but it was about-

Jay Shetty 51:00 No, that's beautiful, man

Lewis Howes 51:01 ... something about that. And, um, [lips smack] I really remember when I had Matthew Hussey on, I've had him on a couple times. He said, [lips smack] you know, the key to finding someone great, someone you love, like your soulmate, the person you really want to be with, is to write a list of all the things that you want in that person, and then go become all those things.

Jay Shetty 51:23 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 51:24 So it's like in order to find the person of your dreams, become the person of your dreams, and you'll attract them.

Jay Shetty 51:30 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 51:30 So I thought that was really cool.

Jay Shetty 51:31 Love it.

Lewis Howes 51:32 Just, like, taking accountability for your own life.

Jay Shetty 51:34 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 51:34 And I s- and you see, like, all these pr- people talking about, like, online dating, like the profiles people put on there are like, "You need to be this, and you need..."

Jay Shetty 51:44 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 51:44 It's talking about the other people, like what they're looking for, and, "Don't be this." But it's like, are you those things?

Jay Shetty 51:49 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 51:49 Or are you just expecting someone else?

Jay Shetty 51:50 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 51:51 So always becoming a better version of yourself, uh, in relationships.

Jay Shetty 51:54 I love that. These are already great ones. Like, I mean, that, both of those are beautiful, but that first one, especially about how love is created when you're not together.

Lewis Howes 52:02 Yeah, the space between.

Jay Shetty 52:03 I mean, that, that's, that's really... Like, I'm gonna have to take that and meditate on that-

Lewis Howes 52:07 Well, my-

Jay Shetty 52:08 ... 'cause that's like-

Lewis Howes 52:08 Yeah, my girlfriend's in, you know, at home right now. She's not here.

Jay Shetty 52:11 She's in Mexico.

Lewis Howes 52:11 She's in Mexico right now. And, um, [lips smack] you learn about, like, how deep is your love.

Jay Shetty 52:17 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 52:17 Are you getting distracted because they're not there? Are you paying more attention? You know, are you proud of yourself for the actions you take when they don't see you?

Jay Shetty 52:28 Mm.

Lewis Howes 52:28 So I'm, I'm thinking of those things more and more, and I think it could be easy to be excited when you're together. But then when you have time apart, out of sight, out of mind-

Jay Shetty 52:36 Yeah

Lewis Howes 52:36 ... do you still care and think about that person?

Jay Shetty 52:38 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 52:38 Do you still show up with details and attention and love and commitment and compassion? 'Cause it tests you when you have a lot of time apart.

Jay Shetty 52:46 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 52:47 And so it's, uh, yeah, it's a beautiful text.

Jay Shetty 52:50 Yeah. What it, what it says to me also, in agreement with everything you said, is, is also like, I feel like real friends are people that even if you don't see them for some time-

Lewis Howes 53:00 It could be years

Jay Shetty 53:01 ... it could be years, you just pick up where you left off.

Lewis Howes 53:04 Pick up, yeah.

Jay Shetty 53:04 Because the relationship was so strong in the in between.

Lewis Howes 53:07 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 53:07 The space in between didn't affect it because-

Lewis Howes 53:09 Yeah

Jay Shetty 53:09 ... you care about that person. You get their heart. And I have friends like that back in London that I know that even if we don't talk for months, and right now I haven't been back to England for, like, seven, eight months-

Lewis Howes 53:19 You pick it right back up

Jay Shetty 53:20 ... but you can just pick it back up, and I love that statement. I think there's so much truth in that. Okay, great.

Lewis Howes 53:24 One more thing on relationships.

Jay Shetty 53:25 Okay, yeah, go on. Yeah, yeah, go, go.

Lewis Howes 53:25 Unless you want to cut me off.

Jay Shetty 53:26 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 53:27 I just did an interview with a guy named Stefan Speaks, who-

Jay Shetty 53:31 Mm

Lewis Howes 53:31 ... who shared-

Jay Shetty 53:32 I love his stuff, yeah

Lewis Howes 53:32 ... who shared a concept that I believe you shared something very similar in one of our interviews where he said, he said three things. I asked him about three things. I said, "Chemistry, connection, compatibility." And you've talked about chemistry and compatibility before, and I think chemistry. But I said, "Can you be in a relationship? Can it work long term where you're truly fulfilled, um, without one of these things?" And he said, "Yes, compatibility. You don't need compatibility to be fully like magnets." He's like, "But you can't do it with just connection and compatibility alone. You need chemistry. Otherwise, it's a different type of relationship."

Jay Shetty 54:15 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 54:15 It's just like you need the chemistry because connection... He was like, connection can be... [lips smack] Like, you can get a group of people, a sports team together, and they may not like each other, but you can teach them how to build connection.

Jay Shetty 54:27 Mm.

Lewis Howes 54:27 Like to work together. They may not be compatible, but you can teach that, and they can be successful.

Jay Shetty 54:33 Mm.

Lewis Howes 54:34 Uh, but in an intimate relationship, you need chemistry. You need to be drawn to each other. You can't just say... And this is why you hear all these people say, these girls say, "Gosh, he looked great on paper. Like, he checked every box off my list. He was the perfect guy, but there was just something missing, that spark, that-" ... chemistry

Jay Shetty 54:51 Yeah

Lewis Howes 54:51 And it's, you can make it work, but you're never gonna be truly like, "This is the person I wanna be with-

Jay Shetty 54:57 Yeah

Lewis Howes 54:58 ... because of chemistry." So that was interesting of, of his perspective on it-

Jay Shetty 55:01 Yeah, yeah

Lewis Howes 55:02 ... that you need chemistry and connection. You don't necessarily need compatibility because sometimes the opposites attract, and you can... If you have chemistry, you'll sacrifice and go to the ballet if you don't want to.

Jay Shetty 55:13 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 55:13 You'll, you'll watch a movie in Spanish because you, you love your partner. It's if you don't have chemistry, you're more resentful of trying to do more for that person-

Jay Shetty 55:22 Interesting

Lewis Howes 55:23 ... because you don't have the chemistry. You're just like, "Okay, well, I have to do this."

Jay Shetty 55:27 Right.

Lewis Howes 55:28 As opposed to, "Of course, I would love to do this because I love the- we have so much chemistry." So that was his perspective-

Jay Shetty 55:34 Yeah

Lewis Howes 55:34 ... which I thought was interesting.

Jay Shetty 55:35 I love that. This is, this is great, by the way. Okay. Now, the next one that I wanna ask you is, who has given you the best money and finance masterclass advice?

Lewis Howes 55:44 [laughs] Um-

Jay Shetty 55:45 And I know you've had some incredible, like-

Lewis Howes 55:46 Yeah

Jay Shetty 55:47 ... financial gurus like Ramit and-

Lewis Howes 55:49 Gosh, man, it's... The first thing that came to mind is Sarah Blakely-

Jay Shetty 55:54 Mm

Lewis Howes 55:54 ... and Grant Cardone.

Jay Shetty 55:55 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 55:56 Um, there's a lot of them, but I- those are the ones that just popped in my mind. Sarah Blakely said something interesting to me. She said for years, I think it was seven years, she was working as a door-to-door fax machine or copy machine salesperson, where she would go to offices, knock on the door and say, "I'm selling you this fax machine." Seven years, I think it was how long it was. She had an idea to do this legging thing for women called Spanx, and she said, "The idea would've never happened without my dad asking me a question every day, uh, when I'd come home from school and at the dinner table." And she, she said, "My dad would ask me, 'What did you fail at today?'" And she wouldn't really be celebrated unless she failed at something.

Jay Shetty 56:42 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 56:44 And her dad instilling that in her said, "I would not have gone and kept failing at this idea. I would've ca- kept my job and been door to door for probably 30 years or whatever. But because I had this idea of it's, it's all learning, it's not failure, that allowed me to grow," and now she's a self-made billionaire. So that is kind of a mindset thing, and I would say I think money is all about mindset. Grant Cardone, um, when I had him on, he had a, a fund that was like $100 million fund that he turned into 1.3 billion, I think, in the next year and a half when I had him on again. And I challenged him. I said, "Why are you not at a billion dollars when you're at 100 million?" And I said, "What would it take for you to get there if you needed to get there in the next few months?" And he's like, "It's just not possible. It's not possible to go that fast, that big, that fast." And I go, "But what would it take if you had to, if your life was on the line, your kid's life or whatever? Like, if there was a way, what would that way be?"

Jay Shetty 57:40 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 57:41 And I remember sitting there just being like kind of frustrated that I was asking the question, but also, like, he's like, "Okay, um, well," and he starts thinking. He's unlocking his mind, like, "If I had to do it, what would I do? Well, I would f- find this person, and I would do this." And he just started unlocking something new, and it was almost like he'd never thought of that it would be possible that quick, that he didn't allow his mind to imagine the possibilities. So I bel- I truly believe that money's all around imagination and mindset 'cause I never was, never thought I'd be an entrepreneur. I never thought I would make any money. I was like, "I'm gonna get a job, and I'll just take whatever people give me."

Jay Shetty 58:20 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 58:20 I was like, "Why would anyone ever give me money?" And a lot of it was I just didn't believe in myself, and I didn't think I had skills that I could package and sell. And once I shifted that and just started learning about money more and what it really is, I was like, "Okay, this isn't that hard once you get past that initial, like, someone giving you $100." Then I was like, "Oh, I can do this over and over again, and how do I multiply?" So I'd say those two ideas.

Jay Shetty 58:43 Those are brilliant, man.

Lewis Howes 58:43 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 58:43 This is great. Everyone's getting recommendations.

Lewis Howes 58:46 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 58:46 So we've already had recommendations of Matthew Hussey, Rob Bell-

Lewis Howes 58:50 Yeah

Jay Shetty 58:50 ... Stefan Speaks episode, Grant Cardone-

Lewis Howes 58:53 Yeah

Jay Shetty 58:53 ... Sarah Blakely. Like, these are all great recommendations-

Lewis Howes 58:56 Yeah, fun

Jay Shetty 58:57 ... of episodes to go and listen to right now.

Lewis Howes 58:58 Sure.

Jay Shetty 58:58 Anyone who's listening or watching and is asking questions about relationships and money. For me, it's like I always think of, like, the three biggest decisions we make in our life are, uh, how we feel about ourselves, who we give our love to, and what we do for money. Like, those are the three biggest decisions you're gonna make.

Lewis Howes 59:14 See, you just do a great way of framing everything, you know?

Jay Shetty 59:16 And, and-

Lewis Howes 59:16 It's like, so what we d- what was the first one?

Jay Shetty 59:18 The first one is how we feel about ourself. Like what you said.

Lewis Howes 59:20 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 59:21 Like, that's one of the biggest decisions you make. The second one is who you give your love to and who you get love from, and the third one is what you do for money.

Lewis Howes 59:28 Ah, so true.

Jay Shetty 59:28 And, and the f- and the fourth one is how you serve the world. Who have you interviewed that you think has really found a unique or different way? 'Cause I know you've interviewed, like, philanthropists and charity people.

Lewis Howes 59:39 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 59:39 Like, has there been anyone who, like-

Lewis Howes 59:40 I would say I would add a fifth one to that.

Jay Shetty 59:42 Yeah. Add.

Lewis Howes 59:43 What do you do to take care of your health?

Jay Shetty 59:45 Yes.

Lewis Howes 59:46 Like mental and physical health.

Jay Shetty 59:47 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 59:47 Like how are you taking care of your physical body to have the energy to then-

Jay Shetty 59:50 Absolutely

Lewis Howes 59:50 ... give love and receive love? But sorry to cut that question off.

Jay Shetty 59:53 No, no, no.

Lewis Howes 59:53 It was-

Jay Shetty 59:53 That's good. No, it's good. So those... Actually, let's do both those questions. So who's given the best, uh, advice around service and making a difference in the world?

Lewis Howes 1:00:01 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:00:01 Not just advice, but someone who may be doing something really amazing.

Lewis Howes 1:00:04 Adam Braun, for me-

Jay Shetty 1:00:05 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:00:05 ... is someone I think of instantly. He had the idea to honor his grandmother, who was a Holocaust survivor, and say, "I want to do something good in the world. I want to build a school for kids. I want to help kids in need. I want to honor my grandmother by having it named after her, the school." He built one school, and now I think they've built, I don't know, 300 or 400 schools. And when I interviewed him, just his way of thinking about service was so much greater than me at the time. I was just like, man, his life is truly on purpose.

Jay Shetty 1:00:37 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:00:37 Like, this is the essence of On Purpose-

Jay Shetty 1:00:40 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:00:40 ... is Adam Braun and his commitment to serving his cause, which was education for all, 'cause he believed that educa- if we're educated, we can make better decisions. We can have better tools, resources. We can help our family, help ourselves. And there's so many people that aren't educated in, in the world, so-

Jay Shetty 1:00:59 And you've been out to Guatemala

Lewis Howes 1:01:00 ... I've been to Guatemala-

Jay Shetty 1:01:01 Yeah

Lewis Howes 1:01:01 ... four times. I've been to Ghana once, I've been to Laos once to build schools and just be a part of it, and I've been doing it for seven, eight years now. So, you know, we, we can't solve every problem in the world. There's a lot of causes that we could serve, and I think we have to find out what lights us up, like the pain in our heart. I go back to your book, like you find the pain in your heart and lean into that. For me, being in a school that didn't work for me is painful. Like school is a painful thing, so how do I make it fun?

Jay Shetty 1:01:30 That's the podcast.

Lewis Howes 1:01:31 And how do I give back to kids who just don't even have a structure or a teacher in their setting, like, who don't speak my language? How can I serve in that way? And so that's why I, I was drawn to Pencils of Promise and, and Adam and how he's just like such on a mission for it. So for me, man, it's pretty inspiring. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:01:52 I love that, man. And then you added the fifth one, which I agree with. Who's given you the most interesting, like, physical wellbeing insight? Because you've been an athlete.

Lewis Howes 1:02:00 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:00 You are an athlete.

Lewis Howes 1:02:01 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:02 You've consistently... You understand your body really well. You know, you, you love taking your body to the extreme.

Lewis Howes 1:02:08 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:02:08 Who's... And your mind, too. Who in the podcast has given you like physical health advice or insight that kinda changed the way you saw-

Lewis Howes 1:02:17 I had someone recently, Ro- Dr. Rhonda Patrick, uh, who is really inspiring. She's been... She's like a human guinea pig. She wears like a, I think it's like a glucose meter or something where she, everything she eats, she tracks like her blood levels to say like, okay, she's studying food and nutrition all day, looking at every research paper. So Rhonda Patrick was really inspiring. Mark Hyman I've had on a few times. He's great. I think you've interviewed him too, but yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:39 Just two days ago.

Lewis Howes 1:02:40 Oh, you did? Yeah, he's great. So, um, Dr. Gundry's great. There's a lot of great experts out there. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:46 Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. What, what I love about your podcast is 1,000 episodes is no small achievement. Like, genuinely, like I'm glad that we're celebrating it together.

Lewis Howes 1:02:56 Yeah, man. Appreciate it.

Jay Shetty 1:02:56 And, and I want this to be a celebration. Like, I want everyone who's listening to this podcast to go and listen to an episode of Lewis'-

Lewis Howes 1:03:03 Thanks, man

Jay Shetty 1:03:03 ... podcast. So everyone who's listening to this one, go and listen to an episode of Lewis's podcast.

Lewis Howes 1:03:08 Go listen to the one that we did, the recent one.

Jay Shetty 1:03:10 You can.

Lewis Howes 1:03:11 It's pretty amazing, 'cause I feel like I get the best out of you from-

Jay Shetty 1:03:14 You, I mean, you, you got m- more out of me that day, and then we're doing a round two as well.

Lewis Howes 1:03:18 It's amazing. Yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:03:18 It was amazing, and it was such a weird day, too. But, uh-

Lewis Howes 1:03:22 It's crazy

Jay Shetty 1:03:22 ... but, but no, I, I really feel like the reason why I asked Lewis these questions is I wanted you to hear the breadth of guidance and the depth of audience.

Lewis Howes 1:03:30 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:03:30 And the fact that you've done 1,000 episodes and you still remember insights, and you didn't do well at school, shows that you've built the school that you needed.

Lewis Howes 1:03:38 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:03:38 Because, because you could-

Lewis Howes 1:03:39 Well, when you're interested in topics, and you find the right teacher, and it inspires you, you're willing to retain more information. And I've, trust me, I've forgotten way more [laughs] than I've remembered, but, um-

Jay Shetty 1:03:51 But that's what it's about.

Lewis Howes 1:03:52 Yeah. I think it's, I think something that I learned from you is like we should always be learning. We should always be learning from everyone. We should always be learning from ourselves on what's working, what's not working. And we should always be seeking different ways to learn-

Jay Shetty 1:04:05 Yeah

Lewis Howes 1:04:05 ... whether it be like, I'm gonna discover, I'm gonna listen to something new that I wouldn't normally do. I'm gonna read a chapter in a book that I normally wouldn't read. I'm gonna go schedule a, a, a meeting with someone that I normally is not in my industry.

Jay Shetty 1:04:17 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:04:18 And I think if we can learn in those ways, we're always going to be full of life.

Jay Shetty 1:04:23 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:04:24 It's when we stop learning and start thinking we have it all figured out in our space or in our life and relationships, that's when we start to lose our life.

Jay Shetty 1:04:32 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:04:32 But we become full of life when we have more knowledge and richness to it. So-

Jay Shetty 1:04:36 Yeah

Lewis Howes 1:04:37 ... you're a, you're a great mentor in the fact that, like you have dedicated your life to learning. You know, you went, you, you went away to essentially stop normal life to go be a lifelong learner as a monk, and then you came back, and you continue to do it, and then you share with the world, which is a beautiful, uh, life, man.

Jay Shetty 1:04:58 Well, no, I, I thank you for paving the way for podcasts like mine. Like, genuinely, like without the School of Greatness being such a legacy podcast, like podcasts like mine that are newer wouldn't... You know, you, you're part of creating the community and audience of people aspiring to learn these things.

Lewis Howes 1:05:16 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:05:16 Like, you've been a part of that, and, and that's not... You know, and, and whether you like hearing or not-

Lewis Howes 1:05:21 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:05:21 ... I want, I want you to know that-

Lewis Howes 1:05:22 I appreciate it. Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:05:23 ... because, you know, I used to watch you do your thing before we even knew each other.

Lewis Howes 1:05:28 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:05:29 So I had seen your books. I had seen your work. I followed you on social media. I... You know, for me, it was like you were and are a leader in this space.

Lewis Howes 1:05:39 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:05:39 And, and have paved the way for so many more people to do it.

Lewis Howes 1:05:42 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:05:43 And, you know, you've interviewed everyone, like you said, from doctors to health experts-

Lewis Howes 1:05:47 Mm

Jay Shetty 1:05:47 ... to Kevin Hart and Kobe Bryant-

Lewis Howes 1:05:50 Mike Tyson

Jay Shetty 1:05:50 ... Kenneth Rodman and Mike Tyson.

Lewis Howes 1:05:52 Yeah, yeah. Crazy.

Jay Shetty 1:05:52 Like, you know, the, the, the breadth of the people that you've interviewed, and the depth, Bre-

Lewis Howes 1:05:56 Mm

Jay Shetty 1:05:56 ... the Brene Browns and, you know, so many incredible guests, Brendan Burchard, and so many other-

Lewis Howes 1:06:01 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:06:01 ... of our mutual friends. Like, I just feel like it takes a lot to keep going for something for this long.

Lewis Howes 1:06:09 It's-

Jay Shetty 1:06:09 And I-

Lewis Howes 1:06:10 It's not easy.

Jay Shetty 1:06:11 Yeah. And I have so much-

Lewis Howes 1:06:12 'Cause you've been doing it for a year and a half now. You know how much work it is just for-

Jay Shetty 1:06:15 I mean, the podcast is potentially some of the hardest work.

Lewis Howes 1:06:17 [laughs] It's so much energy, time.

Jay Shetty 1:06:19 So much energy and time.

Lewis Howes 1:06:20 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:06:20 And, and longevity is something that you... I- it's not easy.

Lewis Howes 1:06:28 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:06:28 It's so easy to run... And I've heard you say this before, like you start a podcast for like six episodes and no one listens, so people close it down.

Lewis Howes 1:06:34 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:06:34 Or you make videos for 10 and no one likes it, so you close it down. And, you know, to keep going for 1,000 episodes and to keep-

Lewis Howes 1:06:41 Mm

Jay Shetty 1:06:41 ... growing, like you just said to me, you know, we just had... I was saying to you, we just had our biggest month last month on the podcast.

Lewis Howes 1:06:46 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:06:46 And you said you just had-

Lewis Howes 1:06:47 I know. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:06:48 And you... And it's like the fact that after 1,000 episodes you're still having your biggest month shows that you're doing something right.

Lewis Howes 1:06:56 It's crazy, man. I just feel very grateful because it's something I still enjoy. And the moment I stop enjoying it is the moment I'll have to shift what I'm doing because I think... Or, you know, have someone else host it or whatever it may be. But I, I see myself wanting to do this for another five years because- I was asking questions, dumb questions as a five-year-old-

Jay Shetty 1:07:15 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 1:07:16 ... 15-year-old, 25, 37 now, and I don't feel like I'm ever gonna know the answers.

Jay Shetty 1:07:21 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:07:22 I'm gonna know some answers, and I'm gonna have some tools.

Jay Shetty 1:07:25 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 1:07:25 There's always gonna be a different tool or a different way to look at things. And as our society evolves, I mean, look at everything that's happened in Black Lives Matter and political world, and as, as things just ev- our health with, uh, the coronavirus. Like, as things evolve and information becomes more accessible, we need to learn these things to evolve as a society.

Jay Shetty 1:07:45 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 1:07:45 How can we be better human beings? How can we strengthen our bodies and our immune system? How can we heal ourselves when there's so much seeming trauma in the air?

Jay Shetty 1:07:53 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 1:07:54 How do we protect our own inner thoughts?

Jay Shetty 1:07:57 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 1:07:58 There's always gonna be something we need to learn, and that's why I'm, um, I'm always gonna be a humble student and servant.

Jay Shetty 1:08:05 I love it, man. The perfection, perfection of life.

Lewis Howes 1:08:07 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:08:08 That's the perfection of life.

Lewis Howes 1:08:09 Be a humble servant, man, and a humble student.

Jay Shetty 1:08:11 Yeah. I love it. Lewis, I wanna give you your final five, which are the final five questions that we ask on On Purpose. Uh, and these are the fast five, so questions are usually answered with one word or one sentence. Uh-

Lewis Howes 1:08:23 One word or one sentence.

Jay Shetty 1:08:24 Correct.

Lewis Howes 1:08:25 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:08:25 Uh, we'll probably go into a few of these answers, because I know I'm gonna love them and be interested.

Lewis Howes 1:08:31 Sweet.

Jay Shetty 1:08:31 What are the top three questions that you think you ask a lot of guests that give you their heart, and how can people also ask those questions in their own life?

Lewis Howes 1:08:41 Um, it's usually before the interview.

Jay Shetty 1:08:44 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 1:08:45 I ask everyone, "Is there anything off limits?" And if they say no, then I say, "Then do I have permission to go anywhere and everywhere to make this the most powerful conversation you've ever had?"

Jay Shetty 1:08:58 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:08:58 To ground them.

Jay Shetty 1:08:59 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:09:00 So asking people for permission, I think, is a great question. "Do I have permission to ask you some challenging questions that, that are gonna help me and help us connect more?" Or, "Do I have permission to maybe talk about stuff you would never talk about?" Like, asking for permission-

Jay Shetty 1:09:15 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:09:15 ... I think, is a powerful question. Second question. Did I... I'm such an against the question of, "What do you do? Where'd you go to school? What's your work?" I'm just, like, over that question, 'cause I've been to so many networking events, and that's what I get all the time, that I try to just ask a question that most people would never th- think to hear or get when they meet someone new, which is simple stuff. Like, "What are you most grateful for right now?"

Jay Shetty 1:09:44 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:09:45 "What are you most excited about in your life right now? What's something you wish you were doing that you're not doing right now that would excite you?" Any one of those three gets people to, like, stop, pause, and they, they almost always look up.

Jay Shetty 1:09:57 Yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:09:57 Like, "Huh." 'Cause they have to search for it.

Jay Shetty 1:09:59 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:09:59 It's not a quick response, "Oh, I'm in marketing," "I'm in this IT," "I'm" whatever. It's, "Let me connect to, like, a higher source, to my heart, to, like, and dream for a second." And if you get people to dream and connect to their heart, they're always gonna get deeper into the relationship and deeper into the conversation. That by the end of this 5, 10-minute conversation, they're gonna go away saying, "That's the most interesting person I've met today."

Jay Shetty 1:10:22 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:10:22 And you didn't have to say anything.

Jay Shetty 1:10:24 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:10:24 You don't have to show off. You don't have to talk about yourself. You just have to ask a better question. So that would be the second one. The third one, um, [sighs] what are you most proud of in your life?

Jay Shetty 1:10:38 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:10:39 I think people really like to think about the things they're proud of.

Jay Shetty 1:10:43 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:10:43 And then also think it's about what they're not proud of. So it gets them focused on how they can become better. So those three things.

Jay Shetty 1:10:49 I love those, man. Okay, so number one challenge for everyone-

Lewis Howes 1:10:51 [clears throat]

Jay Shetty 1:10:51 ... listening or watching right now, I want you to ask those three questions to someone in your life.

Lewis Howes 1:10:55 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:10:55 'Cause they're such easy questions to ask. And actually, even the permission question is so beautiful, because it's gonna allow that person to open up to you.

Lewis Howes 1:11:03 To be more vulnerable.

Jay Shetty 1:11:04 Yeah, I love that.

Lewis Howes 1:11:04 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:11:05 Yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna improve vulnerability in your life.

Lewis Howes 1:11:08 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:11:08 So everyone, I want you to find one person this week that you're gonna ask those three questions to.

Lewis Howes 1:11:13 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:11:13 Because they're beautiful. Okay, great. Uh, second question for you is what do, what is something in life that you're certain about that you think other people would disagree with you on?

Lewis Howes 1:11:24 I mean, something I grew up in-

Jay Shetty 1:11:25 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:11:25 ... which is a, uh, a philosophy, a, a religion, a mindset that, um... Two things. One, I grew up in a religion called Christian Science, which is the s- which is actually the same religion that Ellen grew up in.

Jay Shetty 1:11:38 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:11:39 Her, her dad passed away a couple of years ago, and he was a Christian Scientist till the day he died. She did a nice little memorial on TV talking about it. But Ellen had some challenges in the religion because, um, e- extreme Christian Scientists, I would say, do not support, like, same-sex relationships.

Jay Shetty 1:11:58 Right.

Lewis Howes 1:11:58 So I think there was some challenge there that was really, like, uh, struggling for her. And I'm no longer, let's say, a, you know, in the religion per se, but I believe in some of the philosophies that it taught me early on. I don't believe with all of it, but there's some of it. And number one is we are just an idea. We are thoughts, and we are spiritual thoughts, and we can heal the physical body through spiritual thought.

Jay Shetty 1:12:25 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:12:25 So that's one thing-

Jay Shetty 1:12:26 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:12:26 ... idea that I think people would say-

Jay Shetty 1:12:28 Love that idea

Lewis Howes 1:12:28 ... "Well, I don't agree with that because-

Jay Shetty 1:12:30 Right

Lewis Howes 1:12:30 ... we're matter and this and the-"

Jay Shetty 1:12:31 Right. Right, right.

Lewis Howes 1:12:32 And, um, my grandfather used to tell me that Christian Science also stands for, the CS, the, the letters, also stand for common sense.

Jay Shetty 1:12:43 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:12:43 And that if you are in pain, if you've broken something, you know, go to the hospital, get it set, take medicine if you need to, so you can get back to a place of a peaceful mind, and then heal yourself with your thoughts.

Jay Shetty 1:12:54 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:12:55 So it's funny coming back and doing the podcast now, hearing guys like Joe Dispenza and Marisa Peer and all these other great, and yourself, talking about, like, it's all in the thought. It's in the mind. It's in, like, how you think about yourself and how you reflect about yourself and your imagination. That I'm like, "This is all stuff I heard growing up in this religion."

Jay Shetty 1:13:12 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:13:12 So I truly believe that we are spiritual ideas, even though I wrestle with it sometimes when I feel physical stuff, and I'm in a physical body. But- We are led by our spiritual thought. Uh, the second thing is some- a lesson my dad taught me as well. He never celebrated my birthday, and I think you've seen a video of me talking about this.

Jay Shetty 1:13:32 I love that video.

Lewis Howes 1:13:33 And I remember when I was, like, nine or 10, I was upset around my birthday time, and I was like, "Dad, why don't we celebrate my birthday? Do you not love me? And, uh, my friends have... Uh, the kids in school have, like, birthday parties and this and that, and they get cakes and balloons and presents, and I never got anything." And I was like, "Do you not love me?" And he said, "I love you very much."

Jay Shetty 1:13:53 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:13:53 "But I, I love you so much that I don't want to celebrate your age, 'cause I never want you to be limited by how young or how old you are," because so many people that he kn- knew would always say, "I'm too old to do this."

Jay Shetty 1:14:05 Wow.

Lewis Howes 1:14:05 "I'm too young to do this. I could never do this. My time has passed." And I was like, "You can still buy me a cake, Dad."

Jay Shetty 1:14:11 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 1:14:12 Like, take me out to ice cream. And he s- he did. He just celebrated me in other ways. But that lesson has stuck with me because it was painful, and it hurt me that it didn't happen for many years. But when I learned the lesson, I started to really appreciate and say, "You know what? You're right." Like, and when I was an early teenager I was like, "Screw it, I can be a varsity as a freshman. Like, who cares if these guys are four years older than me? I've been working harder for the last four years. I can play with these guy..." Like, I never doubted myself or my abilities to have a shot at something.

Jay Shetty 1:14:44 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:14:44 And I think it was like this... [sighs] I don't know. It was this... I just didn't have a programming that limited me early on in certain things. I'm sure I'm limited in other ways, but it wasn't holding me back from going after what I wanted, and I think that never has held me back from, like, launching a book or a podcast or events. Like, things I'd never done in my life and didn't know how to do, it didn't stop me from trying.

Jay Shetty 1:15:07 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:15:07 So I was grateful for those ideas.

Jay Shetty 1:15:09 Those are amazing, man.

Lewis Howes 1:15:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:15:11 Those are big ones. They're deep ones.

Lewis Howes 1:15:12 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:15:13 I love those. It's interesting what you were saying about your father.

Lewis Howes 1:15:17 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 1:15:18 And, and it's really about understanding why he did it-

Lewis Howes 1:15:21 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:15:21 ... which is what makes it so interesting, and, and whether-

Lewis Howes 1:15:24 'Cause he didn't explain it for years until I came to him and said-

Jay Shetty 1:15:27 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 1:15:28 ... "Do you not love me?"

Jay Shetty 1:15:29 [laughs] And, and, and I felt that way. So with my parents too, like, we never really celebrated my achievements. So we always celebrate my birthday, but if I achieve something, we didn't really celebrate it. So if I got good grades, it was like, "Okay." If I-

Lewis Howes 1:15:43 You got straight As, they were just like, it was expected.

Jay Shetty 1:15:45 Expected. It was expected that I would do something like that, not because I always did, but just because it was kind of gra- taken... Not taken for granted, but expected-

Lewis Howes 1:15:53 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 1:15:53 ... is the right word. And so I don't think they did this consciously, but what it did for me, and this is partly why I think it's always about how you perceive something, the way I took that is it stopped me seeking their validation. Because they never had a big response to what I was doing, I just started having my own response to what I was doing.

Lewis Howes 1:16:15 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:16:15 So I stopped wanting them or needing them to be proud or to be excited for me or anything, because I was like-

Lewis Howes 1:16:21 Powerful

Jay Shetty 1:16:22 ... "I'm just gonna give that to myself."

Lewis Howes 1:16:23 So that was a... Was that a good thing then, that they did not acknowledge your accomplishments, or was it-

Jay Shetty 1:16:27 I think for me, I took it as a great thing.

Lewis Howes 1:16:29 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:16:30 Uh, and, and then the other thing that it gave me was I always stopped being complacent. Because, because we didn't over-exaggerate a celebration, I could always gradually go and go, "Okay, what's next? What am I gonna build next? What am I gonna focus next?"

Lewis Howes 1:16:47 Mm.

Jay Shetty 1:16:47 And I think my wife definitely has brought more of a celebratory aspect in my life. You've been to my-

Lewis Howes 1:16:52 We need that.

Jay Shetty 1:16:52 You've... Yeah, we do need that.

Lewis Howes 1:16:53 'Cause we, 'cause me and you, we're just like, "Okay, it's done. Go."

Jay Shetty 1:16:56 Yeah. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 1:16:56 "Next. Bigger. Better."

Jay Shetty 1:16:57 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:16:57 "It's not good enough." Like, we need-

Jay Shetty 1:16:58 Yeah

Lewis Howes 1:16:59 ... to, like, "Okay, let's take a moment."

Jay Shetty 1:17:00 Yeah, exactly.

Lewis Howes 1:17:01 Like, I think-

Jay Shetty 1:17:01 And you were at my surprise party, uh, two years ago.

Lewis Howes 1:17:04 By the way, if you wanna get on Jay's good side, he loves birthdays.

Jay Shetty 1:17:07 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 1:17:08 So send him a nice gift or something or just a, a nice card, and he will remember it, for sure.

Jay Shetty 1:17:13 Yeah, meaningful. It does-

Lewis Howes 1:17:14 Meaningful, yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:17:14 Yeah, meaningful. Yeah. Ask me something that I would... Like, my, my, my definition of a gift is something that I wouldn't get for myself.

Lewis Howes 1:17:21 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:17:21 Like, and so it doesn't have-

Lewis Howes 1:17:22 A handwritten card is a meaningful gift.

Jay Shetty 1:17:24 Totally, 'cause I, I wouldn't write a card to myself.

Lewis Howes 1:17:26 [laughs] Jay-

Jay Shetty 1:17:26 Dude

Lewis Howes 1:17:27 ... you're amazing to myself. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:17:29 [laughs] No, I appreciate birthdays, 'cause my parents always did a big thing on birthdays.

Lewis Howes 1:17:32 I... Yeah, of course.

Jay Shetty 1:17:33 But, but yeah, you've been to my parties, and my wife has really brought celebration to my life-

Lewis Howes 1:17:36 Yeah, she has

Jay Shetty 1:17:36 ... 'cause she comes from a family where they celebrate a lot. Um, but anyway, okay, that is question number two.

Lewis Howes 1:17:42 Ooh, rambling here.

Jay Shetty 1:17:43 Going back to it. Okay. Number three is a question that I know people would love to hear from you. If someone wants to, uh, start reading, what are three books that you would recommend that have had a big impact on your life?

Lewis Howes 1:17:59 I mean, I've only read about 15 books in my life, probably-

Jay Shetty 1:18:02 That's great

Lewis Howes 1:18:02 ... cover to cover. So the ones that have been impactful to me is The Alchemist, which I think is one of your favorite.

Jay Shetty 1:18:07 Love it, yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:18:08 The Alchemist, I think, uh, you know, it comes back to, like, the treasure in our heart and what's already within us, and, like, just discovering that and finding that, and I think so often we get comparison game, we get off track, we get distraction game where we don't remember, like, what's our true legend inside of us. So that's, that's one. I would say... [sighs] I'm not g- I mean, I'm not saying this 'cause you're here. I think your book Think Like a Monk is seriously just, like, an amazing... Like, I wanna keep going through it, because it's just, like, every two pages has an example, a model, a framework where it's, you can apply to your life.

Jay Shetty 1:18:43 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 1:18:44 So I think that's the modern version of probably, like, 10 to 20 books of the past in the personal growth space and in this kind of mindset space that I think is gonna be the, the standard for the next 10 years. So I would say that one, and then I would say, um... [sighs] There's a book that just popped in my mind called Influence by Robert Cialdini.

Jay Shetty 1:19:04 Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

Lewis Howes 1:19:05 Which-

Jay Shetty 1:19:05 I've never read that

Lewis Howes 1:19:06 ... which I just believe so much about life is understanding human nature, and human psychology, and human behavior.

Jay Shetty 1:19:14 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:19:14 You know, you and I study human beha- behavior a lot, and so much of this is it doesn't matter how talented you are, if you can't influence someone to see your talent, or to buy your talent-

Jay Shetty 1:19:25 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:19:25 ... or to watch your talent, or read your talent. It doesn't matter unless you learn how to influence, in an ethical, moral way, other people to desire something that you can create, whether that's- Uh, influence people to desire you in an intimate relationship, a friendship, uh, you know, your family members so they desire you. Like, all these things, understanding these are, I think it's seven areas of how to influence-

Jay Shetty 1:19:49 Oh, wow

Lewis Howes 1:19:49 ... people on anything. And I learned this back when I was learning online marketing. When I was making no money, I read this book, and it gave me the tools to then say, "I have an idea. How do I get people to buy into this idea?" It's the same strategies that politicians use and, you know, when, when people are trying to build a campaign. So Amazon uses these strategies. Like, every big company uses these-

Jay Shetty 1:20:11 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:20:11 ... kind of seven or eight key factors of influence. And so-

Jay Shetty 1:20:15 Nice

Lewis Howes 1:20:15 ... I would say that book. It's a much more dense kind of, like, research-based book.

Jay Shetty 1:20:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:20:19 Probably stuff you would like.

Jay Shetty 1:20:20 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 1:20:21 It's not an easy read, but it's like, it tells all the research behind it all, so.

Jay Shetty 1:20:24 Nice.

Lewis Howes 1:20:25 Those three.

Jay Shetty 1:20:26 All right. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Question number four and five. Four is, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

Lewis Howes 1:20:34 I'm trying to think of the right word. I think it's, I think it's patience.

Jay Shetty 1:20:37 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:20:38 Uh, it's, it's probably patience coupled with, [sighs] what's the word? Just not, trying not to react-

Jay Shetty 1:20:50 Mm

Lewis Howes 1:20:50 ... and constantly put myself in another person's shoes. It's just, like, a lack of patience and perspective and not reacting when someone else is trying to come at you.

Jay Shetty 1:21:00 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:21:00 So I've... It's been really challenging, but it's, like, teaching, I've been learning how to do that better, to just breathe, make sure... Uh, and when I react it's like, oh, I didn't follow the meditation in the morning. I need to meditate more. It's like, so just having patience and more perspective has been the big lesson.

Jay Shetty 1:21:16 I love that, man. Okay, and fifth and final question. If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Lewis Howes 1:21:25 [sighs] Gosh, the first thing that came to my mind was you have to believe in yourself 'cause I believe that-

Jay Shetty 1:21:33 Oh, what a law

Lewis Howes 1:21:33 ... I believe that self-doubt is the killer of every dream.

Jay Shetty 1:21:37 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:21:37 And so many of us die with our dreams in the graveyard. We don't have dreams that... We have imagination and we don't manifest the ma- imagination. We don't become the alchemists of our life and create something beautiful, our talent, our gift, our purpose, because of doubt.

Jay Shetty 1:21:52 Mm.

Lewis Howes 1:21:53 And if we believed in ourself more, we would be ruthless in our actions on creating it or at least going for it. So I'd say the law of believing in yourself and that there is no such thing as self-doubt. Um, that's the first thing that came to mind, but I would also say, like, just loving and having more compassion, like the law of love and compassion, because that would end every war and every fight and political issues. Like, just having that law of love would be amazing.

Jay Shetty 1:22:25 Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love. If you're listening to this and you're in an unhappy situation, I get it. I get how hard it is. One of the things that can help is to say, this demon would come out with another person, too