How To DISCONNECT From Social Media & FIND YOURSELF AGAIN! | Lala Anthony & Jay Shetty

Lala Anthony 0:00 Every character is different, so you never get to a point where you're like, "Oh, I've mastered this thing. I can do it all." I mean, even my character on Power changes so much that it becomes so challenging for me to go through all her transitions and changes. So you have to be disciplined, you have to take it seriously, and an actor's work is, is never done. I mean, I'm in acting class with some amazing actors that you're like, "You don't need to be in acting class." And it's like, no, you constantly have to work on your craft and, and sharpen your skill.

Jay Shetty 0:26 [upbeat music]

Jay Shetty 0:28 Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast for self, work, and love. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful that you take time out of your days, evenings, wherever you are, to invest in yourself and personal growth. This is On Purpose. You're in the right place, and today's guest is someone that I can't wait to talk to. I'm always fascinated by people's meaningful experiences, unique perspectives, and backgrounds, and today's guest will not disappoint.

Lala Anthony 0:56 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 0:57 Today's guest is absolutely incredible. I'm excited to hear about her perspectives and viewpoints on a few things that you'll really wanna find out about, too. And her background is phenomenal. She's an American TV personality.

Lala Anthony 1:09 Hey.

Jay Shetty 1:09 She's a New York Times best-selling author. She's an executive producer, a business woman, and an actress. Her name is Lala Anthony. Lala, thank you so much for doing this.

Lala Anthony 1:18 I am so happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Jay Shetty 1:22 Oh, no. Thank you.

Lala Anthony 1:23 This is exciting.

Jay Shetty 1:24 I know, and I'm so grateful because we literally got introduced to each other recently.

Lala Anthony 1:27 I know.

Jay Shetty 1:28 And we're making this happen already.

Lala Anthony 1:29 I know, but I feel like we've known each other forever.

Jay Shetty 1:31 Oh.

Lala Anthony 1:31 We're just like, hey, it's a great connection and a great feeling, and I'm happy to be here.

Jay Shetty 1:35 Absolutely, and I'm just warning the audience, we were just about to get under a cover-

Lala Anthony 1:39 I know, exactly

Jay Shetty 1:40 ... and go to sleep because it's very zen in this room.

Lala Anthony 1:41 It's so zen in here. It's so zen. I was like, I just need a robe and, and a blanket.

Jay Shetty 1:46 [laughs] I love it. We'll arrange for it afterwards-

Lala Anthony 1:48 Okay, perfect

Jay Shetty 1:48 ... if you have time, but you're on a busy schedule right now.

Lala Anthony 1:51 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:51 You've been around promoting Power.

Lala Anthony 1:53 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:53 Sharing the word of Power. Let's start with that. Tell us a bit about that.

Lala Anthony 1:56 So Power, I've been on the show for six seasons, and season six is premiering in August, so we made a big announcement today on Good Morning America that it premieres in August. It's also the final season of Power, which people are disappointed about, I know.

Jay Shetty 2:10 [laughs]

Lala Anthony 2:10 I feel the same way. So you know this season is gonna be just a rollercoaster ride, which is what Power is. It never disappoints, and our fans are super excited, and we're excited, you know, for the final season and just to kinda see where it takes all the characters and stuff.

Jay Shetty 2:25 Absolutely. Well, that's what's happening today. I wanna go all the way back to the beginning-

Lala Anthony 2:30 Okay

Jay Shetty 2:30 ... of you when you were 15-

Lala Anthony 2:32 Okay [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:32 ... and you get this break at Hot97-

Lala Anthony 2:35 Yes

Jay Shetty 2:35 ... in Atlanta.

Lala Anthony 2:36 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 2:37 Tell me about why that experience was so meaningful to you and how that was such a great start for you.

Lala Anthony 2:42 So it started because I've always just loved music, and I've loved hip hop music from before I can remember. And at 15, I remember hearing that the Wu-Tang Clan, they were opening up a clothing store in Atlanta, and I had just moved to Atlanta. And I was like, "Oh, I gotta go see the Wu-Tang Clan." Like, I gotta get there. You know, in line like everybody else, waiting, excited, and I saw these people, like, putting up posters and giving out flyers. And I was like, "What do you guys do?" And they were like, "Oh, we're interns for a radio station." And I was like, "That's a cool job. I, I would do something like that." And they were like, "Well, here's the guy's number. You have to, like, call or email or something." So I ended up emailing, and he told me that you had to be, um, 18 to get the job. So I went back to the hood-

Jay Shetty 3:29 [laughs]

Lala Anthony 3:29 ... got a fake ID-

Jay Shetty 3:30 [laughs]

Lala Anthony 3:31 ... said I was 18, and got the job as an intern, and that's kind of what started my career in radio, TV, acting, producing film. But it all started with, you know, my love of music, my love of hip hop. So I'm always just so gracious to music in general because that's how my career started.

Jay Shetty 3:51 I love that. Kids, go get a fake ID-

Lala Anthony 3:53 Ex-

Jay Shetty 3:54 ... if you're too young to get a job.

Lala Anthony 3:55 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:56 No, I love that.

Lala Anthony 3:57 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:57 But sometimes what it takes is just that passion, that persistence.

Lala Anthony 4:00 Exactly, exactly.

Jay Shetty 4:00 You weren't gonna take no for an answer.

Lala Anthony 4:01 I wasn't gonna take no for an answer.

Jay Shetty 4:03 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 4:03 And I wasn't gonna let two or three years get in my way, so I was like, no, I, I'm doing this, and it worked, and eventually I was honest and told the truth, but by then I had proven myself as a hard worker and dedicated and, you know, secured the job. And also at that time at the radio station, Ludacris was an intern as well. He was going by the name of Chris Lolita, and-

Jay Shetty 4:23 [laughs]

Lala Anthony 4:23 ... he had been there, you know, a bit before me, and we hit it off, and we started a radio show together. But it's incredible when I sit back now and just see how far his journey has come, and then along with mine. Like, he used to just talk about, "I'm gonna be this famous rapper one day. People are gonna buy my album. I'm gonna be an actor. I'm gonna do all these things." And to actually see how you can manifest something just by believing it and saying it, and then it really happens, is just such a fascinating thing to watch.

Jay Shetty 4:52 I love that. And what's the difference that you've seen now that you're saying tracking your career, even Ludacris, who you worked with? What have you seen is the difference between people saying things are going to happen and then actually making them come true? Whether it's manifestation or belief, what has been the difference? 'Cause I'm sure you've heard a lot of people say stuff, too, and it didn't happen for them.

Lala Anthony 5:09 Right. I mean, I definitely think s- a lot of it is the work. You know, putting in the work. It's really easy to just say, "Okay, I wanna do this," but there's so much work behind it, and there's so many people or things that will get in the way of you becoming whatever. And a lot of us get so discouraged. Like, by the time the third door is closed in your face, you're like, "You know what? I give up," or, "Maybe this is not it." And a lot of it is, you know, timing and, you know, things just kind of falling in place. For me, it's definitely a strong belief in God, and it's about being blessed because I know none of this would happen without any of that. So, you know, things just started kinda clicking, but I think with some people, we give up a little bit too fast, or as soon as it gets hard, that's when we're like, "Okay, I, I'm done. I can't do this." And, and I think some of the best things come right after fear or right after, you know, those hard moments. That's when you finally get your breakthroughs, but some of us never get to see that because we stop too early.

Jay Shetty 6:06 Yeah, you're so right.

Lala Anthony 6:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 6:07 Most of us stop too early.

Lala Anthony 6:08 Yeah, I think so.

Jay Shetty 6:09 You're so right, whether it's that third door-

Lala Anthony 6:11 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 6:11 ... fourth door, you never know if it's gonna be the seventh or the 70th.

Lala Anthony 6:14 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 6:15 But you gotta keep going. What's been the fuel in your life that's, like, kept you pushing in those moments?

Lala Anthony 6:20 So I'm super competitive, so I'm just like-

Jay Shetty 6:21 I love that. [laughs]

Lala Anthony 6:22 ... "Oh, no one's gonna tell me no. I'm gonna do this no matter what." And I have felt the way we just talked about when it comes to my acting career because for so long it's like, okay, Lala from MTV or Lala the radio host, and when I wanted to transition into acting, I just felt like I wasn't being taken seriously because I was looked at at all these other things. And I always talk to people about not allowing yourself to be put in a box.

Jay Shetty 6:45 Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 6:45 Because people would love to put you in a box,, "Okay, you're, you know, the host of this. That's all you can do. You were on the radio, that's all you can do." And I'm like, I don't understand that. Like, I'm in acting class. I'm taking it seriously. I have a passion for it. Why can't I do that as well? And so, you know, it's all about breaking barriers, and to this day I still have to do that because I'm still Lala from MTV. I'm still Lala the radio host. I'm still Lala with all these other things behind my name, and I just wanna be looked at as Lala the actress who does an incredible job on, you know, the show Power and other things I've done, and continue to grow from there.

Jay Shetty 7:19 Yeah, and I love that. That's such practical advice for people today.

Lala Anthony 7:23 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 7:23 Because whatever our boxes are, everyone has them.

Lala Anthony 7:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 7:26 Everyone has them.

Lala Anthony 7:27 It's so true.

Jay Shetty 7:27 And whether it's boxes from your past or from even something like at one point it felt like your biggest break-

Lala Anthony 7:32 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 7:32 ... but then it becomes your box.

Lala Anthony 7:34 It's so-

Jay Shetty 7:34 Right? Like-

Lala Anthony 7:35 That is, that is true, and that's how I felt with MTV.

Jay Shetty 7:38 Mm.

Lala Anthony 7:38 Like, I have such a respect for MTV, and it did so much for my career. And at that point I was like, I'm an MTV VJ. Like, when I was a VJ I was, you know, 19 years old, and that's what everyone wanted to do. That was when they were, like, searching the whole country to hire a VJ, and I became one. And I remember it being, like, the biggest thing, and then as I was exiting from MTV it became the box because then it was just like, you're a VJ. That's all you can do.

Jay Shetty 8:04 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 8:04 You can do nothing else. And I just had to continue to fight through that, and I'm glad that I didn't give up because there were many times where I was like, started believing, well, maybe that is all that I can do, and maybe after MTV that was it. Like, I reached my peak and it was great, and that's all that's in store for me. But I had to believe that there was more and kind of push through that.

Jay Shetty 8:24 Yeah. I love that. I personally find that so inspiring, especially because you've done it.

Lala Anthony 8:27 Yeah. Thank you.

Jay Shetty 8:27 Like, now when I'm hearing you say it, and you've done that-

Lala Anthony 8:30 Right

Jay Shetty 8:30 ... and you've broken out and, you know, I was saying earlier, you've been a New York Times bestselling author. Like, you've written two books.

Lala Anthony 8:36 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 8:36 Two, right? Yeah.

Lala Anthony 8:37 Yes.

Jay Shetty 8:37 Two, two huge books. You've been out there. You're an actress. You're, you're an executive producer now. Like, I feel like you've really done that. And so for anyone who's h- listening right now, just don't buy into the box.

Lala Anthony 8:48 Don't buy into the box.

Jay Shetty 8:48 Right? Don't buy into the box that people keep putting you into.

Lala Anthony 8:50 Don't buy into the box. I'm always talking about that, and it's so important. You can do more than one thing and actually be great at it.

Jay Shetty 8:57 Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 8:57 Like, who's to say you can only do this and only do that? Like, there's no such thing. And there's no rules in life. There's just no rules to any of this. We make our own rules, and that's what we have to continue to remind ourselves of.

Jay Shetty 9:09 Yeah. Did you find, though, that when you were doing that and building it, you were, like, mastering one thing and then building the next? Is that kind of how it went?

Lala Anthony 9:18 For me, I would find, like, I always said when it, when it started feeling like a job-

Jay Shetty 9:23 Mm

Lala Anthony 9:23 ... I knew I was ready for the next thing. When it started feeling like, [sighs] "Okay, I gotta do this again today," and I wasn't enjoying it as much, that was my trigger to say, "Okay, well, what's next?" So for me, starting in radio, okay, what's next? TV. That seems like the transition. Okay, now I'm on TV. I'm a host. What's next? Okay, acting. That seems like the next transition. Okay, what's next? Producing, writing, you know, whatever. So I would just know when it started feeling like a job and I was losing my excitement for it. So now I'm in a place where I'm super excited about acting. I'm super excited about producing and my clothing line and, you know, writing another book and creating my own content. So that's what all my energy is going into-

Jay Shetty 10:05 Yeah

Lala Anthony 10:05 ... you know, right now.

Jay Shetty 10:06 Absolutely. Is this part of your clothing line?

Lala Anthony 10:08 No.

Jay Shetty 10:08 No. [laughs]

Lala Anthony 10:08 I wish it was. It's a, it's a denim clothing line-

Jay Shetty 10:10 Okay

Lala Anthony 10:10 ... that's available pretty much everywhere. So, um, shout out to everybody that supports that. We're doing really well in the denim space.

Jay Shetty 10:18 Yeah. No, I, I love that. I think that's such a powerful lesson to share because-

Lala Anthony 10:21 Yeah

Jay Shetty 10:21 ... I think so many of us have passions, have desires, and we're like, "Oh, but I haven't studied that" or-

Lala Anthony 10:27 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 10:27 ... "I never learned that" or, "I don't know anyone who's done that." And so when people see, like, people like yourself, then they can break out. But tell me one life lesson or career tip that you learned from each industry because I think there are very few people in the world that you can sit with who've done a lot of different things-

Lala Anthony 10:41 Right, right

Jay Shetty 10:42 ... successfully and at, at a high level.

Lala Anthony 10:44 Right.

Jay Shetty 10:44 So tell me one thing that you learned from, let's say, radio. Let's start there. What was one thing that radio taught you?

Lala Anthony 10:49 So radio taught me to be confident in my personality because radio no one sees you, so you have to lead with your personality, which is your voice and what you're talking about. You have to draw people in with that. You- there's no antics of let me show my face, let me do this. This was before, you know, podcasts that are being recorded and all that stuff. You were just in a radio station, and people didn't have a clue how you look, so it was all about what you were projecting on those airwaves and how you draw them in, and that's where I think I gained my confidence in believing in myself and feeling like my personality was enough because that's what was driving people to listen to my show.

Jay Shetty 11:24 Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 11:24 So that's what I learned from radio.

Jay Shetty 11:27 Okay. Awesome. Tell us what you learned from being an actress.

Lala Anthony 11:30 From being an actress-

Jay Shetty 11:31 It's really good now too

Lala Anthony 11:31 ... I just learned that you can't fake it. Like, you have to really take it seriously, and I'm still in classes and, you know, I'm always asking questions about acting and learning more. A actor's job is never done. Like, you never know everything. And then probably in most things, but like in radio, I got to a point where I knew a lot. I knew how to work the board. I knew how to do the breaks. I kinda had it all figured out. There wasn't too much that I couldn't do. But in acting, every character is different, so you never get to a point-

Jay Shetty 11:59 Mm-hmm

Lala Anthony 11:59 ... where you're like, "Oh, I've mastered this thing. I can do it all." I mean, even my character on Power changes so much that it becomes so challenging w- ... for me to go through all her transitions and changes. So you have to be disciplined, you have to take it seriously, and an actor's work is, is never done. I mean, I'm in acting class with some amazing actors that you're like, "You don't need to be in acting class." And it's like, no, you constantly have to work on your craft and, and sharpen your skill. Um, and that's what I learned for acting. It's definitely been the tougher of my career choices.

Jay Shetty 12:29 Absolutely.

Lala Anthony 12:30 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:30 No, it doesn't sound easy at all.

Lala Anthony 12:31 At all.

Jay Shetty 12:31 And this one's gonna be interesting because I'm writing my first book right now.

Lala Anthony 12:34 Okay.

Jay Shetty 12:35 So I was gonna ask you, what did you learn-

Lala Anthony 12:36 Yes

Jay Shetty 12:36 ... from writing two big books?

Lala Anthony 12:37 So I would definitely say the books, I learned that the books became like therapy for me.

Jay Shetty 12:42 Mm.

Lala Anthony 12:42 It became my own therapy session because I was able to just talk about feelings and emotions that maybe I had never talked about before, things that I had kept bottled in before. And I felt like during the process of writing the book, it became very therapeutic to me. It became like a therapy session, and I wasn't afraid to share with the world. And, um, it worked. It worked, [laughs] you know?

Jay Shetty 13:04 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 13:04 People really seemed to like the books. But I think for anyone writing a book, and including yourself, people appreciate honesty, they appreciate authenticity, they appreciate that we all have flaws. Like, none of us are perfect, and I didn't want to paint this perfect picture, 'cause I'm not perfect. And I think people really related to that.

Jay Shetty 13:22 Yeah, and I love that about you. I've really loved that when, when we were prepping for this interview, and-

Lala Anthony 13:27 Mm

Jay Shetty 13:27 ... my team and I were getting together, one of the things I do love about you is that you're so raw and open-

Lala Anthony 13:31 Thank you

Jay Shetty 13:31 ... and authentic.

Lala Anthony 13:32 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 13:32 And even today when you walked into the room, like, I felt your energy.

Lala Anthony 13:35 [laughs] Thank you.

Jay Shetty 13:35 I was like, "This is so nice," you know?

Lala Anthony 13:37 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 13:37 Like, when you're meeting someone for the first time, even though you do feel like, I feel like I've known you too-

Lala Anthony 13:41 Right

Jay Shetty 13:41 ... but it's like, that's such a comforting feeling.

Lala Anthony 13:43 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 13:43 And I think you really give that to people.

Lala Anthony 13:45 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 13:45 And you give that to people through all your work.

Lala Anthony 13:47 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 13:47 Even when I see you in movies, I'm like, "Oh, she could be my friend."

Lala Anthony 13:50 Oh, thank you.

Jay Shetty 13:50 Like, you know? And it's like-

Lala Anthony 13:51 Thank you

Jay Shetty 13:51 ... you know, you're a friend of the main character. Then you're like, you know, I'm just like, "She could be my friend." And that's, I think that's a very, that's a very unique talent.

Lala Anthony 13:58 I appreciate you saying that.

Jay Shetty 14:00 Thank you.

Lala Anthony 14:00 And I, I do appreciate that, and I've found that in this industry and in this world, like, people wanna work with people that they like. People wanna work with people that are nice, and sometimes we forget that. Like, p- I can get a job over someone who might be way more talented than me because I'm gonna be nice to work with. People are gonna wanna come to work and work with me. So for people out there listening, you know, it's just such a small thing, but kindness really does go a long way, and kindness can be that deciding factor that sets you apart from somebody else. So I try to never forget that.

Jay Shetty 14:31 Yeah, that's beautiful. So when y- you... I, I'm bringing this up in context. You were 15, you were at Hot 97-

Lala Anthony 14:36 Yes

Jay Shetty 14:36 ... which is an amazing place. When I was 15, I was a paperboy.

Lala Anthony 14:39 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 14:40 So I used to go deliver papers around.

Lala Anthony 14:41 Right, right.

Jay Shetty 14:41 So I used to, like, five streets in my area. I used to put my headphones on, and the only person I'd listen to at that time was 50 Cent.

Lala Anthony 14:48 Oh my God.

Jay Shetty 14:48 And so, yeah, I would sit there-

Lala Anthony 14:50 I just left him. He was at Good Morning America with us.

Jay Shetty 14:51 Really? Oh, no way.

Lala Anthony 14:52 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 14:52 Yeah. And so I'd, I'd put the headphones on, and it was the Get Rich or Die Tryin' album.

Lala Anthony 14:56 That is so funny.

Jay Shetty 14:56 And I would sit there, and I, I would know every word, and I would go and deliver my papers listening, listening to 50 Cent. What's he like to work with?

Lala Anthony 15:02 Oh, he's amazing. I've known him since the radio and MTV days.

Jay Shetty 15:06 Wow.

Lala Anthony 15:06 So this is a, woo, you're talking almost a 15-year relationship now, you know, of knowing each other, and he's so talented. I knew about the show before it came into existence, and he talked about it and how big it was gonna be, and everything he said came to fruition. And that's another example of speaking it, believing it, and doing the hard work behind it and seeing it happen. So I'm always super grateful to him for believing in me and giving me an opportunity because, um, it's been great.

Jay Shetty 15:35 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 15:35 It's been really great.

Jay Shetty 15:36 That's awesome. Well, it's so nice for us to see, you know, powerhouses coming together-

Lala Anthony 15:40 Mm

Jay Shetty 15:40 ... people collaborating. I think it's such an important message for people everywhere.

Lala Anthony 15:45 Yeah, definitely.

Jay Shetty 15:45 When they see people coming together, doing things together, rather than like we're all on our own islands and our own towers-

Lala Anthony 15:50 Right

Jay Shetty 15:50 ... and we don't kind of see each other.

Lala Anthony 15:52 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:52 But w- you know, to see that I think is such a powerful message too.

Lala Anthony 15:54 No, it definitely is, and I think, you know, that kind of energy feeds off each other. 'Cause when you're around someone that's powerful or successful, like, it motivates you, and you wanna go harder. So I like to surround myself with people like that, that keep me motivated, and I never feel like I'm doing enough, even though I barely sleep. I slept two hours last night.

Jay Shetty 16:12 Oh, wow.

Lala Anthony 16:12 I, I just am constantly moving. You know, I'm also a mom, and that takes precedence over everything. But-

Jay Shetty 16:18 Yeah

Lala Anthony 16:18 ... I love just being around people that motivate me to continue to be better.

Jay Shetty 16:22 I love that. How have you done that? You, you brought that up, and I wanna dive into that. How have you done that? You've continually evolved your career.

Lala Anthony 16:28 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 16:29 You're learning, you're going to acting classes, and you're a mother.

Lala Anthony 16:32 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 16:32 How have you done that? Because I get a lot of parents listening to the podcast.

Lala Anthony 16:35 Right.

Jay Shetty 16:36 A lot of people asking, "Hey, how do I balance my passion and my purpose-

Lala Anthony 16:38 Right

Jay Shetty 16:39 ... or my, my side hustle?" And all this kind of stuff. So what are your thoughts on that?

Lala Anthony 16:42 So I get asked that question a lot, and I think for me, you know, I've been blessed to have a great family structure that can help me, you know, be able to do a multiple, do multiple different things. But my son is always and will always be my top priority. So I think you have to prioritize, like, you know, what's important. And I've realized that we can't just do it all at one time. So I've gotten good at, like, okay, this week, this is my, outside of Cayenne, my son, this is my priority. I'm gonna focus on the clothing line stuff, or I'm gonna focus on Power, I'm gonna fo- Like, I just have to prioritize because there's so much going on. If I'm, like, trying to do it all in one day, I just don't feel like I do the best job at any of it. So I think prioritizing is, like, the first step.

Jay Shetty 17:23 Yeah, spot on. Yeah, you can have it all, just not all at the same time.

Lala Anthony 17:26 That is very true.

Jay Shetty 17:27 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 17:27 And I've always believed that. And as far as balance is concerned, balance is a funny thing, 'cause I feel like balance changes, and at different points, something is losing out. So if I'm super, super about the career and that, you know, maybe it's a little less time with Cayenne. If I'm all about Cayenne, then it's less time with the career. So some things al- it's like a constant, you know, tug of war, but you, you find a way to figure it out.

Jay Shetty 17:51 Yeah, and I think we put too much pressure on ourselves.

Lala Anthony 17:53 Yeah, we do.

Jay Shetty 17:54 Because we're like, "Oh my God, ev- everything's gonna be equal this week."

Lala Anthony 17:57 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 17:57 "Like, I've got to spend equal amount of time on this, and my kid, and my- ... project and the clothing line.

Lala Anthony 18:02 Yeah

Jay Shetty 18:02 And it's, you're gonna fail at that.

Lala Anthony 18:04 You're gonna fail. And I think we also put ourselves on these, like, timelines. Like, okay, by... It could be even a age timeline. By, you know, 30 I should be married with two kids and own a house and this, and by 35 I should have this. And then when you're looking and maybe life isn't panning out that way, all of a sudden you feel like a failure. You feel like you haven't, you know, met these timelines. And I think, you know, we cannot put those pressures on ourselves. I mean, people have started careers way later in life. Now people are starting families way later in life. You know, people are getting married later in life, and marriage isn't even a priority to a lot of people anymore. It's more about, you know, career and being independent, different things. So you just kinda gotta do what's best for you and don't feel like it's a timeline you have to put yourself on, or a checkbox. Okay, 20 I did this, 25 this, 30 this. You just kinda gotta just let it flow, and everybody moves at a different pace.

Jay Shetty 18:53 Yeah. It's, again, not buying into the boxes.

Lala Anthony 18:55 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 18:55 It's just another type of box.

Lala Anthony 18:57 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 18:57 And, and those pressures are, are the worst-

Lala Anthony 18:59 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 18:59 ... because you're forcing yourself to make big decisions-

Lala Anthony 19:04 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 19:04 ... based on a timeline that some random person invented.

Lala Anthony 19:06 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 19:07 Right? Like-

Lala Anthony 19:07 Exactly

Jay Shetty 19:07 ... you're forcing yourself to make the biggest decisions of life. Career decisions, love decisions-

Lala Anthony 19:11 Right

Jay Shetty 19:12 ... chi- having children decisions.

Lala Anthony 19:13 Right. And the world has changed over, the world continues to change over the years, so a timeline that might've made sense 10 years ago now doesn't make sense. We've, we have social media now. We have different access to different things. So people are just moving differently than even 10 years ago, even five years ago. So it constantly changes, so these timelines are so out of date to me now.

Jay Shetty 19:33 Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 19:33 Like, you just gotta kinda, again, I think it's important to encourage people to move at their own pace.

Jay Shetty 19:38 Yeah. I love that. That's beautiful. I've, I've made so many videos on that subject-

Lala Anthony 19:41 Yeah

Jay Shetty 19:41 ... because it's so, so prevalent in society, where everyone's defining their lives based on others' timelines. Another thing I make a lot of videos on, which I love that you comment on so openly, you've written books about, is relationships.

Lala Anthony 19:53 Yes.

Jay Shetty 19:53 Because I see so many people struggling with relationships. Partly that's because we only post the best stuff.

Lala Anthony 19:59 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 19:59 We only post the stuff that looks nice, and therefore, when we look at everyone else on Instagram, ev- looks like everyone's in love and I'm the only-

Lala Anthony 20:05 Everyone's having the best time

Jay Shetty 20:06 Yeah, and I'm the only one

Lala Anthony 20:06 ... and I'm the only one that's, like, in a fucked up, like, the best situation. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 20:10 Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, exactly. Like, that's how we feel.

Lala Anthony 20:11 Right.

Jay Shetty 20:11 Like, we feel like, oh, I'm the only one-

Lala Anthony 20:13 Right

Jay Shetty 20:13 ... who's, like, struggling or not in love or not with someone-

Lala Anthony 20:15 Right

Jay Shetty 20:15 ... or whatever it may be. What are some of the biggest relationship lessons that you've learned that you think are really important for people to hear?

Lala Anthony 20:21 I think that, you know, you have to focus on your own relationship and not worry about what everyone's doing. And if you don't have a relationship, that doesn't mean you're less of a person, it just means you're focusing on something else, and I feel like everything happens when it does. And we- that's why they say doing it for the Gram. Everything on the Gram looks picture perfect and spectacular. You got filters, you got FaceTune, you got this, you got that. Everyone's just, like, s- stepping out of Vogue magazine a- on Instagram. Like, it's not real life, you know? Instagram is to showcase, for most people, you know, your best moments. For me, I, I, I show a little bit of everything, but people wanna showcase their, showcase their best moments, and it's not real, so you can't compare to that. And only you know what's going on in your relationship and your situation, and I think that's what matters. And as long as you're happy, that's ultimately what matters. Now, if you're not happy, it shouldn't be based on what everyone else is doing. It should be based on what's going on in your relationship. And if you're not happy, then that's something for you to figure out. But one way to easily not be happy is to be constantly comparing yourself to another relationship that you see on Instagram.

Jay Shetty 21:23 Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 21:23 And you don't even know what's going on. It takes one second to smile for a picture or, "Put your arm around me, Jay. Let's act like we're so in love," and as soon as they say, "Stay," like, "I hate you" and then like...

Jay Shetty 21:32 [laughs]

Lala Anthony 21:32 You don't know what's going on behind the scenes. So never compare yourself or feel like... You know, I have a lot of friends too that will tell their partners, like, "I wish you were more like so-and-so," or, "I wish you acted more like so-and-so," based on a social media picture or, you know, just what they see on Instagram. I think that's a little unfair. And I'm not saying everyone's unhappy. You do have people that are in amazing relationships and posting and just living this blissful life and, you know, more power to them, but that's not across the board. That's not everybody.

Jay Shetty 22:02 Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's a great principle, never to compare-

Lala Anthony 22:05 Yeah

Jay Shetty 22:05 ... what you have going on to anyone else-

Lala Anthony 22:07 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 22:07 ... because you don't even know the story.

Lala Anthony 22:08 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 22:09 You're only seeing 1% of it.

Lala Anthony 22:10 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 22:11 So there's no point of starting there. Absolutely. And another thing that I get a lot of my audience reaching out about is breakups. So many people going through breaks, uh-

Lala Anthony 22:18 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 22:18 ... breakups. It's kind of like they feel like it consumes their whole life. We've all been through breakups.

Lala Anthony 22:23 Right, right.

Jay Shetty 22:23 Like, what are your thoughts around that? When people are going through a breakup, so what have you seen as the best lessons for healing and moving forward?

Lala Anthony 22:29 I think, you know, breakups are always tough when you're, you love somebody, you give somebody your heart, and it doesn't work out. But I'm always a avid believer that, you know, everything happens for a reason. And while it's going on, it doesn't make sense, but how many times have we looked back later and say, "Oh, that's why that happened," or, "I wouldn't have been here if that didn't happen. I wouldn't have met this person if that didn't happen." Like, you have to believe that things work out the way they're supposed to. And for me, the best way to deal with that is, you know, I keep myself busy, you know, dive into something else, whether it's your children or work or your passion, and just keep good energy around you, and that'll help you kinda get through. But sitting around alone or moping or, like, the world is coming to an end, that's not gonna help. I'm always like, "Stay busy. Stay active." You know, just start doing, just start doing a lot of shit.

Jay Shetty 23:17 [laughs]

Lala Anthony 23:18 Just start going because that's the best way to keep your mind busy, and ultimately you'll start seeing that every day it gets, like, a little bit easier.

Jay Shetty 23:26 Yeah. No, and I think you're right. I think when you're dealing with something and you get active about it-

Lala Anthony 23:30 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 23:30 ... and you don't just sit there and, like, overthink and procrastinate-

Lala Anthony 23:34 Yeah

Jay Shetty 23:34 ... and then just overanalyze-

Lala Anthony 23:36 Right

Jay Shetty 23:36 ... you start moving and then things start coming up.

Lala Anthony 23:38 It's so true.

Jay Shetty 23:39 And then you just have more momentum to deal with them.

Lala Anthony 23:41 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 23:41 Rather than if you just sit there, you can just literally feel like everything is closing in on you.

Lala Anthony 23:45 You definitely can.

Jay Shetty 23:46 Right?

Lala Anthony 23:46 You definitely can. So I would de- definitely say, you know, stay moving, and in the end, it all somehow makes sense. And again, when you look back, you're like, "Oh, that's why that happened," or, "That's why that didn't work out." I felt like, I mean, I've had breakups where I was like This is the end. Like, I won't be able to wake up after this. Like, my life is over after this. And now looking back, it's like I see why it happened that way, and maybe I wouldn't be where I am now if I stayed in certain situations that, you know, were holding me back for whatever reason. So it all works out in the end.

Jay Shetty 24:18 Mm-hmm.

Lala Anthony 24:18 It definitely does.

Jay Shetty 24:19 I, I get a real, like, when I'm, when I'm around you today, I g- I'm getting a bit of, like, a spiritual frequency.

Lala Anthony 24:24 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 24:24 And it's like you're operating on a, some, some high plane.

Lala Anthony 24:26 Well, I will say, Jay, you'll like this. I just got back from, uh, Hippocrates-

Jay Shetty 24:30 Oh

Lala Anthony 24:31 ... in, uh, West Palm Beach, which is like a spiritual meditation center. So I went there for a week. Um, I try to do that or an ashram every week. So I'm kind of fresh-

Jay Shetty 24:39 Every week?

Lala Anthony 24:39 No, e- every year.

Jay Shetty 24:40 Oh, wow. [laughs]

Lala Anthony 24:40 Every year. So I'm kind of fresh off that, and I just, you're probably feeling a lot of that, 'cause Hippocrates is all about, like, mental care clarity and spiritual clarity, and just kind of unplugging and getting in touch with yourself. And I think in this industry it's just go, go, go, that it's nice to, like, not be on the phone, not be on Instagram, and just really work on you. So I was there for a week, and I always find it to be life-changing and kind of sent me, set me on the path for what the rest of the year is gonna look like.

Jay Shetty 25:08 That's beautiful. What clarity did you gain from that? What was it that stayed, that stayed with you so far? I know it's only been a week.

Lala Anthony 25:13 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:13 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 25:13 It definitely stays with me every time I do it, is that, like, you're not missing anything. You know, when you're not on Instagram or answering every email, like, the world is still standing. Everything's okay. Like, you're not missing anything. Okay, you might not know who wore what yesterday, but does that really matter in the big scheme of things? So it, it, it allows you to appreciate more of the moments of just sitting outside and breathing the air, looking at trees, you know, sitting and having conversations with people. How often do people even talk anymore? We were at dinner last night, and we were literally like, "Put your phones down," because everyone's just on their phone and no one's enjoying each other or having conversation. So at Hippocrates you're forced to do that, and you're also forced to mingle with people that in your life you may have never crossed paths with. People from all over the world, people dealing with illnesses from, you know, cancer to addictions, to all kind of things, and you're sitting there and you're realizing that everyone is so similar and dealing with so many of, of the same things. So I was just inspired by a lot of those relationships and conversations that I had there, and I really felt like I made friends there that I'll have for the rest of my life.

Jay Shetty 26:20 Oh, that's beautiful.

Lala Anthony 26:21 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:21 Yeah, I do the same thing. So I, I, I don't know if I've told you before, if you knew, that I lived as a monk for three years.

Lala Anthony 26:26 Okay, I didn't know that.

Jay Shetty 26:26 Yeah. So I actually go back to India to live as a monk-

Lala Anthony 26:29 Wow

Jay Shetty 26:29 ... every year for 21 days again. So I did it for three years-

Lala Anthony 26:31 Okay

Jay Shetty 26:32 ... when I was 22 to 25.

Lala Anthony 26:33 Okay.

Jay Shetty 26:33 And then now every single year I go back for 21 days to an ashram.

Lala Anthony 26:37 So when is, when is your next one?

Jay Shetty 26:38 January. Usually every January to start my year. And then it's the same thing. It's like I go away for three weeks, and my team's like, "Are you sure you wanna go away for three weeks?"

Lala Anthony 26:45 Right. Right.

Jay Shetty 26:45 "Like, what's gonna happen?" I'm like, "No, trust me." Like, this, my spiritual conviction is so high that if this commitment is, goes well and correctly, then everything else will fall into place.

Lala Anthony 26:55 See, that, and-

Jay Shetty 26:55 But if you don't get this foundation right, everything else will fall apart.

Lala Anthony 26:58 And another thing you'll, you'll always find that it never feels like the right time.

Jay Shetty 27:02 No.

Lala Anthony 27:02 You can always talk yourself-

Jay Shetty 27:03 Yeah

Lala Anthony 27:03 ... out of it. It's another podcast, another movie, another this, and it's like now is not the right time. But if you don't put your foot down and make it the right time, it's never gonna be the right time. 'Cause I can always find more work to do. I can always find more to put on Cayenne's schedule. I can always find more. But I had to just stop and say, "I'm taking this week for myself to unplug and just do what I need to do." And I even felt like a week wasn't even enough. Usually at Hippocrates it's the same thing. It's a three-week program.

Jay Shetty 27:30 Right.

Lala Anthony 27:30 I couldn't do the three weeks, but when I was there, I could see how people easily do the three weeks. Like, you feel like you need that.

Jay Shetty 27:38 Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. And whenever I, whenever I've done that, I've always realized that even if I've missed out on big things-

Lala Anthony 27:44 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 27:44 ... when I come back, better things come to me.

Lala Anthony 27:47 Yeah, for sure.

Jay Shetty 27:47 And I've noticed that every time, and I'm not just saying that as a cliche, it's real. Like-

Lala Anthony 27:51 Right

Jay Shetty 27:51 ... every time I go there, I make that commitment, and I know I'm missing out on a few things, but as soon as I come back, better doors open up.

Lala Anthony 27:55 Right. Right.

Jay Shetty 27:56 And yeah.

Lala Anthony 27:56 That is so cool that you do that. I, I'm so-

Jay Shetty 27:58 We've gotta talk more about that.

Lala Anthony 27:59 Yeah, I'm, if you see my eyes-

Jay Shetty 28:00 Yeah. Yeah

Lala Anthony 28:00 ... I'm like, I'm into that.

Jay Shetty 28:01 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 28:01 I'm like, "Do you ever take someone with you?" I'm like, "I want-

Jay Shetty 28:03 Yeah. Yeah

Lala Anthony 28:03 ... I want some details on that."

Jay Shetty 28:04 Yeah, yeah.

Lala Anthony 28:05 That's really cool.

Jay Shetty 28:05 Exactly. Yeah. We should go together.

Lala Anthony 28:06 That is cool.

Jay Shetty 28:06 I used to do retreats to India every year-

Lala Anthony 28:08 Wow

Jay Shetty 28:08 ... and take people, because I wanted people to have the same experience-

Lala Anthony 28:11 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 28:11 ... of disconnecting, being somewhere where you're not familiar with.

Lala Anthony 28:14 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 28:14 And when you go somewhere where you don't know anyone and no one knows you, the growth is just incredible.

Lala Anthony 28:19 And that's how I felt at Hippocrates.

Jay Shetty 28:20 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 28:20 Like, no one know, knew who I was. I was just like everyone else, and just connecting, and it was so cool. It was about the last day that people started to, like, "Wait, are you..." But up until then, it was just, like, just learning people and being my authentic self, and not, like, feeling like I had to be on per se. And, and that was just such an incredible experience.

Jay Shetty 28:41 Awesome. So we've got our final five questions-

Lala Anthony 28:43 Okay

Jay Shetty 28:43 ... that we do on every episode.

Lala Anthony 28:45 Okay.

Jay Shetty 28:45 These are our rapid fire. So you can either answer with one word-

Lala Anthony 28:48 Okay

Jay Shetty 28:48 ... three words, or one sentence. Like, that's it.

Lala Anthony 28:50 Okay.

Jay Shetty 28:50 No more than that.

Lala Anthony 28:51 Okay.

Jay Shetty 28:51 I'm giving you the barriers because-

Lala Anthony 28:53 Okay, got it

Jay Shetty 28:53 ... sometimes guests like to-

Lala Anthony 28:55 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 28:55 ... share more.

Lala Anthony 28:56 Okay.

Jay Shetty 28:56 Okay. So the first question I'm gonna ask you is, what feels like your biggest accomplishment so far?

Lala Anthony 29:01 My son.

Jay Shetty 29:02 Oh, that's beautiful.

Lala Anthony 29:03 Yes.

Jay Shetty 29:03 I love that. Okay, next question. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

Lala Anthony 29:07 Thank God-

Jay Shetty 29:08 Nice

Lala Anthony 29:08 ... for another day.

Jay Shetty 29:09 Awesome. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed?

Lala Anthony 29:11 Thank God for another day. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:13 Love it. That's beautiful.

Lala Anthony 29:14 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:14 Uh, what is a mantra that you live by?

Lala Anthony 29:18 Love yourself from the inside out.

Jay Shetty 29:20 Mm.

Lala Anthony 29:21 And that's something my dad taught me, but loving yourself from the inside out.

Jay Shetty 29:23 You can tell us more if you want. I like that.

Lala Anthony 29:24 Okay. Loving yourself from the inside out, and I want to give that to our listeners here today, because it's something that I live by, and it's something that's so important. You know, we're so worried about the outer, the clothes, the makeup, the this, or how do I look, that we forget to love ourselves from the inside out. And to me, that's where it all starts with. So you could see people, like, with whack clothes, hair looking crazy, but for some reason they're, like, shining in the room and super confident, and feel great because they're loving themselves from the inside out. It has nothing to do with all this ex- exterior stuff. So I have to always remind myself to love myself from the inside out.

Jay Shetty 29:58 Awesome. And fifth and final question, if you could get everyone in the world to do one habit or one practice every single day for 30 days, what would it be?

Lala Anthony 30:07 I think it would be to look in the mirror and give yourself a compliment. I just don't think we do that enough. Like, we spend so much time wanting to get outside recognition or, you know, social media recognition, or likes or comments. Like, we have to love ourselves and give ourselves that love before we expect to get it from anyone else or, you know, feel validated because it comes from everyone else. So that's the first thing I could think of.

Jay Shetty 30:35 I love that.

Lala Anthony 30:35 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 30:35 No one's ever said that before.

Lala Anthony 30:36 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 30:36 That's awesome.

Lala Anthony 30:37 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 30:37 I love that answer.

Lala Anthony 30:37 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 30:37 Lala, you're amazing.

Lala Anthony 30:38 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 30:38 We're gonna have to do another one of these-

Lala Anthony 30:39 I would love to

Jay Shetty 30:40 ... and go deep. Like-

Lala Anthony 30:41 Yeah, no, I gotta hear about this India trip.

Jay Shetty 30:44 Yeah.

Lala Anthony 30:44 Like, I have a lot more that we should definitely talk about.

Jay Shetty 30:47 Amazing. Well, thank you.

Lala Anthony 30:47 But I am so glad that you-

Jay Shetty 30:48 Yeah

Lala Anthony 30:48 ... brought me here today.

Jay Shetty 30:49 Yeah, me too. Thank you so much for coming on as well.

Lala Anthony 30:51 Of course.

Jay Shetty 30:51 Everyone, thank you for listening, watching, whichever one you've been doing. Whether you're walking your dog, whether you're driving to and from work, or whether you're at work right now and you wanted a bit of a break, thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure you share this. Tag me and Lala with your best insights, the best quotes that she said. Anything that she said that resonated with you, feel free to tag both of us on Instagram. Share those insights. Spread the message. Thank you so much for listening and watching.

Lala Anthony 31:13 Yes. Thank you, guys, so much. I'm @Lala, so mine is super easy.

Jay Shetty 31:16 Super.

Lala Anthony 31:16 So definitely find me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all that good stuff. I'm dying to hear from everybody. I love interacting, and thank you so much for having me.

Jay Shetty 31:24 Awesome. Thank you, Lala.

Lala Anthony 31:25 All right.

Jay Shetty 31:25 Thank you so much. If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like a Monk, from thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make sure you order today.