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Jay Shetty PodcastJay Shetty Podcast

If you still think about your ex every day and can’t move on, please watch this...

What truth about the relationship have you been ignoring? What makes that truth hard for you to accept? Today, Jay opens up about one of the hardest things we go through, trying to get over someone we once loved. He reminds us that healing isn’t about pretending we’re okay or trying to move on too quickly. It’s about realizing that what we often miss isn’t the person themselves, but how we felt when we were with them: seen, loved, and alive. Jay gently walks us through why breakups hurt so deeply, how our minds are built for connection, and why finding closure really starts with reconnecting to ourselves. Jay also shares how to stop replaying the past and start finding your rhythm again. He reminds us that healing isn’t about erasing the love, it’s about learning from it. You don’t need to have it all figured out today, you just need to take one small step back toward yourself. Because the real journey after a breakup isn’t about getting over someone else, it’s about remembering who you were before them, and discovering who you’re becoming next. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Romanticizing the Past How to Let Go When You Still Miss Them How to Rebuild Your Life After a Breakup How to Move On Without Losing Yourself How to Remember You Were Enough All Along You are not broken for still feeling; you are human for still caring. One day, the memories that hurt will simply remind you of how far you’ve come. Keep showing up for yourself, because the love you’re searching for begins with you. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:53 The Heartbreak After the Breakup 01:24 What to Do When You Can't Get Over Your Ex 05:07 Why Do Breakups Hurt So Bad? 07:52 The Stories You Replay Are Keeping You Stuck 08:39 Myth #1: Time Doesn’t Heal Everything 10:16 Myth #2: Why Closure Isn’t the Answer 13:12 Myth #3: Moving On Doesn’t Mean You Didn’t Care 15:12 Myth #4: Why Getting Back Together Won’t Fix It 17:26 Step #1: The First Step to Real Healing 19:12 Step #2: It’s Okay Not to Be Okay! 20:05 Step #3: Rebuild the Rituals That Ground You 21:14 Step #4: Ask Better Questions to Help You Grow 22:37 Step #5: Turn Your Pain Into Purpose 24:02 What to Do When You Fall Back Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

Jay Shettyhost
Nov 13, 202527mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How to stop obsessing over an ex and truly heal

  1. Breakups hurt so intensely because the brain experiences withdrawal (dopamine/oxytocin) and a loss of identity when “me” becomes “we.”
  2. What you’re often chasing isn’t the person but the feeling you had—seen, wanted, chosen—so healing begins by learning to generate those feelings without them.
  3. Mental “stories” and highlight-reel replaying keep you trapped, especially when you seek safety by forgetting the bad moments that led to the breakup.
  4. Four common myths—time heals everything, closure will fix it, moving on means it wasn’t real, and getting back together will work—can prolong suffering if believed.
  5. Real recovery comes from cutting “hooks” (social media, photos, checking), feeling grief without making it your identity, rebuilding daily rituals, asking better growth questions, and turning pain into purpose while expecting non-linear setbacks.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

You miss the imagined future and who you were with them, not just them.

The longing often targets the identity and storyline you built—your “us”—so naming what version of you you’re grieving helps you stop idealizing the relationship.

Heartbreak is partly withdrawal, so treat it like recovery.

Because attachment involves dopamine and oxytocin, repeated exposure to “hooks” (checking socials, rereading messages) reinforces the craving; reducing contact and cues supports your nervous system.

Chasing closure is usually chasing validation.

Even a perfect explanation rarely satisfies because the deeper pain is fearing their judgment might confirm your own insecurities; closure comes from self-understanding and self-respect, not their final words.

Time doesn’t heal by itself—how you spend time determines healing.

If your daily time is still invested in reminders and monitoring them, you stay psychologically immersed; healing requires changing behaviors that keep the relationship mentally “alive.”

Moving on doesn’t invalidate love; it honors the season it served.

A relationship can be real and still end—like seasons in nature—so letting go can mean integrating lessons rather than denying what mattered.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

You don't miss them, you miss who you thought you'd be with them.

— Jay Shetty

We don't get addicted to people. We get addicted to how we felt around them, how we felt wanted, seen, and chosen.

— Jay Shetty

Healing happens when you stop waiting to feel nothing and start learning to live with what still hurts.

— Jay Shetty

Closure is realizing you may never get the apology, but you're done waiting for it.

— Jay Shetty

Missing someone doesn't mean you're meant for them. It just means they occupied a meaningful chapter of your life, and your heart hasn't caught up to the ending yet.

— Jay Shetty

Emotional addiction and brain chemistry in heartbreakIdentity loss after “we” dissolvesRumination, narrative-building, and selective memoryMyths: time, closure, moving on, reunion fantasies“Focus on the feeling, not the person” reframingDetaching from triggers (social media, photos, playlists)Rituals, journaling prompts, and non-linear healing

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