Jay Shetty Podcast

If you still think about your ex every day and can’t move on, please watch this...

What truth about the relationship have you been ignoring? What makes that truth hard for you to accept? Today, Jay opens up about one of the hardest things we go through, trying to get over someone we once loved. He reminds us that healing isn’t about pretending we’re okay or trying to move on too quickly. It’s about realizing that what we often miss isn’t the person themselves, but how we felt when we were with them: seen, loved, and alive. Jay gently walks us through why breakups hurt so deeply, how our minds are built for connection, and why finding closure really starts with reconnecting to ourselves. Jay also shares how to stop replaying the past and start finding your rhythm again. He reminds us that healing isn’t about erasing the love, it’s about learning from it. You don’t need to have it all figured out today, you just need to take one small step back toward yourself. Because the real journey after a breakup isn’t about getting over someone else, it’s about remembering who you were before them, and discovering who you’re becoming next. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Romanticizing the Past How to Let Go When You Still Miss Them How to Rebuild Your Life After a Breakup How to Move On Without Losing Yourself How to Remember You Were Enough All Along You are not broken for still feeling; you are human for still caring. One day, the memories that hurt will simply remind you of how far you’ve come. Keep showing up for yourself, because the love you’re searching for begins with you. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:53 The Heartbreak After the Breakup 01:24 What to Do When You Can't Get Over Your Ex 05:07 Why Do Breakups Hurt So Bad? 07:52 The Stories You Replay Are Keeping You Stuck 08:39 Myth #1: Time Doesn’t Heal Everything 10:16 Myth #2: Why Closure Isn’t the Answer 13:12 Myth #3: Moving On Doesn’t Mean You Didn’t Care 15:12 Myth #4: Why Getting Back Together Won’t Fix It 17:26 Step #1: The First Step to Real Healing 19:12 Step #2: It’s Okay Not to Be Okay! 20:05 Step #3: Rebuild the Rituals That Ground You 21:14 Step #4: Ask Better Questions to Help You Grow 22:37 Step #5: Turn Your Pain Into Purpose 24:02 What to Do When You Fall Back Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

JSJay Shettyhost

Nov 14, 2025·27m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   Reframing what you miss: the feeling and the future, not the person

   Jay opens by naming a hard truth: after a breakup, you often don’t miss the person as much as the version of yourself—and the future—you imagined with them. He sets the core reframe for the episode: healing starts by focusing on the feeling you associated with them and learning to generate it without them.

2. 2

   Why breakups hurt so much: withdrawal + identity loss

   He explains why heartbreak can feel physical: love involves brain chemicals tied to reward and bonding, so separation resembles withdrawal. Beyond chemistry, the deeper pain comes from losing an “us” identity that shaped routines, plans, and self-image.

3. 3

   The replay trap: how your mind rewrites the ending

   Jay describes the mental compulsion to re-run conversations and search for the single moment you ‘messed up.’ He argues this is not healing; it’s the mind trying to keep the story alive by inventing meanings without facts.

4. 4

   You’re not addicted to them—you’re addicted to how you felt

   He sharpens the key idea: the craving is for feelings like being wanted, seen, and chosen. The way out is to identify what felt most alive in the relationship and build pathways to experience that through self, friends, and community.

5. 5

   Owning your emotions: people don’t give feelings, they trigger what’s inside

   Using a Wayne Dyer analogy, Jay argues others don’t “create” your emotions; they draw out what already exists. This framing helps you reclaim the qualities you loved feeling and recognize they remain accessible within you.

6. 6

   Myth #1 — “Time heals everything” (and the hooks that stop healing)

   Jay challenges the cliché that time alone heals heartbreak. Time helps only if you stop using it to stay connected through “hooks” like stalking social media, revisiting photos, and tracking updates.

7. 7

   Myth #2 — “I just need closure” (why answers won’t satisfy)

   He reframes closure as a choice rather than something granted by an ex. Even perfect explanations often lead to more questions because the underlying need is validation and self-worth, not information.

8. 8

   Myth #3 — “Moving on means it wasn’t real” (seasonal love and daily investment)

   Jay argues that moving on doesn’t invalidate love; it means the relationship had a season. He distinguishes real love from temporary feeling by emphasizing consistent daily investment—‘watering the flower.’

9. 9

   Myth #4 — “If they came back, it would work” (hope without change)

   He warns that fantasizing about reunions often involves self-silencing and ignoring the original issues. Hope without structural change recreates the same dynamic—and invites short-term comfort at the cost of long-term pain.

10. 10

    Step 1: Stop feeding the fantasy (cut inputs, see the full story)

    Jay’s first action step is to stop romanticizing the highlight reel. He recommends removing “breadcrumbs” like social media and playlists, and writing a balanced list of why you weren’t right for each other to interrupt idealization.

11. 11

    Step 2: Feel without dramatizing (grief is healthy, identity isn’t)

    He normalizes sadness and grief while cautioning against making heartbreak your identity. A key journaling prompt shifts interpretation from worth (“I’m not enough”) to needs (“What did this teach me?”).

12. 12

    Steps 3–5: Rebuild rituals, ask better questions, turn pain into purpose

    Jay outlines how structure restores stability: replace shared routines with new anchors and support. He suggests asking who you were becoming in the relationship—and using heartbreak as fuel for growth, illustrated by the Kintsugi metaphor of repairing cracks with gold.

13. 13

    When you slip back: non-linear healing and practical substitutions

    He closes by normalizing relapse moments—healing often moves forward then back. The practical strategy is replacement: text a friend instead of your ex, build new connections instead of rereading old messages, and measure progress by self-respect.