Jada Pinkett Smith On How To Heal Your Past And Love Yourself Again

Jada Pinkett Smith 0:00 You know, and understanding that life is not an enemy, you know, and that adversity is not meant to steal things from you. It is actually meant to help you find the things within you that help you find the giant within actually.

Jay Shetty 0:17 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 0:17 You know? But that, and just learning how to lay down love more. [upbeat music]

Jay Shetty 0:28 Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you. I'm so amazed at how you're all so committed and dedicated to listen, to learn, and grow every single week, and I truly am grateful to each and every one of you that's listening or watching right now. And today, my heart is filled, literally filled with gratitude, with joy, with a deep sense of appreciation because I'm getting to have a conversation with someone who I have admired and respected from afar for so much of my life. And within the last year, I'm honored, genuinely honored and privileged to call a dear, dear friend. And even though we've only known each other for maybe about a year now, I feel like I've known her for lifetimes, and I mean that. Literally, I feel like I've known her forever. And today's guest, as you know already, is none other than Jada Pinkett Smith.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:29 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:30 She's an incredible actress, producer, creator, musician, mother, philanthropist, and so much more. She's the host of the number one show on Facebook. As we all know it, it's been nominated for tons of awards-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:44 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:45 ... Red Table Talk, where they dive in, into this table of purification, this table of transparency, as she calls it, and shed light on these tough topics that we never get to speak about. And she's one of these people that from the moment you meet her, her whole energy will just captivate you and embrace you.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:03 Mm.

Jay Shetty 2:03 Like, you'll feel this big hug, and I felt that way from the moment I met Jada. And I'm so grateful that today she's on On Purpose. Jada, thank you for being here.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:12 Aw, Jay.

Jay Shetty 2:12 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:13 Don't bring me to tears. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:14 Oh, I meant it. You know I meant it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:16 I know, I know, I know.

Jay Shetty 2:17 I... You know I meant it. I send you these long-

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:19 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:19 ... like, deep messages every time we exchange because it's just who I am. I can't not tell you how much-

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:24 Yeah

Jay Shetty 2:24 ... I've loved you from afar for so long. And now to be your friend and to call you family and someone that-

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:30 Yeah

Jay Shetty 2:30 ... since I've met, I feel like I've known you, like, for lifetimes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:33 It does feel that way, and you've been so instrumental in my growth. And, you know, we just really vibe in some places that you can't really share with everybody, you know? Just where you're willing to walk with me on my spiritual path, and I, I just appreciate you for that, you and your beautiful wife.

Jay Shetty 2:52 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:52 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:53 Yeah. I wish she was here today.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:54 I know. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:54 She's in London, so she doesn't get back-

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:56 Oh, okay

Jay Shetty 2:56 ... till tomorrow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 2:57 Got it

Jay Shetty 2:57 And so, yeah, she would have loved to see. When I told her you were coming on today, she was very happy.

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:01 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 3:01 Yeah, you've, you've really... I still remember that day when you surprised her of being on the show.

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:06 Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:07 Because... I, I just wanna start there because... So, so I met Jada when I was asked by Facebook to host the launch of Red Table Talk.

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:15 Right.

Jay Shetty 3:15 And we met behind the scenes for a few moments, and that became this conversation that connected us.

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:20 Yes.

Jay Shetty 3:21 And then we went on and... I mean, Red Table Talk is just phenomenal. We all love it. We're so happy you're doing it. I wanna dive into that. But then we come to the show, and literally, that whole morning, my wife's like, "What should I wear?" And I'm like, "You're not even gonna be on camera."

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:33 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:33 Like, I was just like, "Jada's interview..." Like, I was like, "I'm going on camera. You're not going on..." I did that whole man thing, right?

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:39 Right. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:39 And I was just like, "You're not even gonna be on camera." I was like, "Why are you worrying so much?"

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:42 Right.

Jay Shetty 3:43 And we get there, and then you're like... You, you know, you and your team are like, "Well, you should both do it." [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:46 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 3:47 And I'm-

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:47 I was like, "You have to. You gotta come, you gotta come on."

Jay Shetty 3:49 I'm holding my hand. Yeah, I'm holding my head in my hand.

Jada Pinkett Smith 3:50 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:51 Anyway, but you've always been so loving to both of us, and we've learned so much from you and the family. And anyway, thank you for being here. But I wanna start off with talking about your childhood.

Jada Pinkett Smith 4:01 Okay.

Jay Shetty 4:01 Because we've talked about it a bit before as well and-

Jada Pinkett Smith 4:03 Yeah

Jay Shetty 4:03 ... I wanna hear about what was so formative about your childhood into who you are today. What are the experiences that form, form the parts that you love, form the parts that you're working through-

Jada Pinkett Smith 4:16 Yeah

Jay Shetty 4:16 ... form the parts that you're editing, you know?

Jada Pinkett Smith 4:18 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 4:18 Let's start there.

Jada Pinkett Smith 4:19 It's so funny because the components of my childhood, um, and the experiences that I had in my childhood that have formed what I love are also the same experiences that have formed the characteristics within me that aren't so pretty, right? So I had a lot of adversity during my childhood, you know. And my mother was a heroin addict, and my father was an addict, alcoholic, criminal, as he would describe himself. And, um, so I did a lot of growing up, um, having to teach myself, uh, let's say, uh... The ways of the world were kinda thrown at me in the streets of Baltimore. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 5:07 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 5:07 You know what I mean? And, um, I think that because I had, uh, such independence at such a young age, I really, um... I could really see who I was and who I wasn't, right?

Jay Shetty 5:27 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 5:27 There were a lot of strengths I was able to acquire at a very young age.

Jay Shetty 5:32 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 5:32 A lot of what we would call motherwit, you know what I'm saying?

Jay Shetty 5:36 Yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 5:36 It's like that knowledge that you don't learn in, you know, the textbooks at, at school-

Jay Shetty 5:41 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 5:41 ... but through life, right? And so I would say that I got prepared for a lot of things at an early age, you know, that at, at a, a point or time in my life, um, it w- I didn't necessarily see it as a gift. So I went through a lot of depression, um, uh, in my early 20s, um, and just- Feeling like life isn't supposed to be this hard

Jay Shetty 6:10 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:10 You know what I'm saying?

Jay Shetty 6:12 Yeah, that's so true.

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:12 And like, yeah, you know?

Jay Shetty 6:13 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:13 And I really, as life has gone on, I just realized, eh-

Jay Shetty 6:18 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:19 ... that's kind of what life is. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 6:20 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:21 And that you're not unique.

Jay Shetty 6:23 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:23 You know, that people are suffering everywhere.

Jay Shetty 6:26 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:26 Everybody has a story, you know? And then I was able to take my life experiences and find the good in it-

Jay Shetty 6:33 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:33 ... which was, that's the very thing that made it possible for me to come to LA by myself at the age of 18-

Jay Shetty 6:40 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:41 ... and work out a career for myself and c- and craft a life for myself.

Jay Shetty 6:47 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 6:47 You know what I mean? But I, I, I'm, I have been working through and am still working through, um, you know, and understanding that life is not an enemy, you know, and that adversity is not meant to steal things from you. It is actually meant to help you find the things within you that help you find the giant within, actually.

Jay Shetty 7:12 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:12 You know, but that and just learning how to lay down my warrior.

Jay Shetty 7:17 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:17 You know, the f- yeah, man, Jay, that's just-

Jay Shetty 7:20 Oh

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:20 ... yeah, that's, that's been a consistent struggle.

Jay Shetty 7:25 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:25 You know? Because as soon as I'm in trouble or as soon as I feel hurt, the first place I go to is fight.

Jay Shetty 7:32 Right.

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:32 Right?

Jay Shetty 7:32 Right, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:33 And so, yeah, I've had to really learn how to, uh, lay down that warrior and even in my, within the biggest hurts-

Jay Shetty 7:47 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:48 ... sit with that pain with an open heart.

Jay Shetty 7:52 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:53 And that is, woo, Jay. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 7:56 Oh, that's, that's the hardest. Yeah, we already like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 7:58 Right

Jay Shetty 7:59 ... holding on. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:00 You know?

Jay Shetty 8:01 Yeah. Ooh.

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:01 Um, yeah, so that, that's-

Jay Shetty 8:04 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:04 ... you know, I, I, I love the warrior within me-

Jay Shetty 8:07 Yes

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:07 ... and specifically the spiritual warrior that has, you know, come out of my life experiences.

Jay Shetty 8:14 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:14 But that street warrior-

Jay Shetty 8:15 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:17 ... that street warrior's a humdoozy. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 8:21 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:21 You know?

Jay Shetty 8:21 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:21 And, and, and she can be cruel, and she can be, um, deeply unloving.

Jay Shetty 8:27 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:27 You know what I mean? And so that, that, that's the shadow area within myself-

Jay Shetty 8:32 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:32 ... that I am at least now far more conscious of than I've ever been.

Jay Shetty 8:37 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:37 And even if she comes out, I can grab her quick-

Jay Shetty 8:40 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:40 ... before she, she-

Jay Shetty 8:41 You got the moves, yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 8:42 Right, you know what I mean? And so, you know, it's all about just getting to those deeper levels of consciousness. Um, you know, you, you, you might not necessarily be able to dissolve those, um, aspects of your, you know, shadow as quickly as you want.

Jay Shetty 8:59 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:00 But as long as you're, you know, as I get more and more conscious of those, uh, shadow aspects, um, I can just get the reins of it a bit faster and replace it with-

Jay Shetty 9:14 Absolutely

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:14 ... something that's closer to love.

Jay Shetty 9:16 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:17 You know?

Jay Shetty 9:17 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:17 But I also realize that I'm... I think one of the biggest realizations that I've made is that [laughs] I'm actually learning how to love.

Jay Shetty 9:28 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:29 I think that a lot of us-

Jay Shetty 9:31 Wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:31 Yeah. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 9:32 Both yourself and others.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:33 Yes.

Jay Shetty 9:34 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:34 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:37 This, this is Jada, everyone.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:38 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:38 Like, this, you know, you have, you have a show where you interview people, and I'm so glad that we get to, the tables have turned today.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:44 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:44 There's no table, but the tables have turned today.

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:46 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 9:47 And I'm so glad that we get to hear you. Like, just in five minutes, you've basically given us a whole thesis-

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:51 Right

Jay Shetty 9:52 ... on, on how to grow in our lives. I'm so glad we get to just hear you talk. I'm just listening today. I'm like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 9:56 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:57 I just wanna listen because the world needs this, and, and it needs to hear you say it. You're so kind. You're so patient with everyone else. It's like, yeah, so.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:04 Thank you, Jay.

Jay Shetty 10:05 Yeah. I, I wanna dive into, you know, I was just saying that you're so patient when I, when, when I, when you interviewed me or whenever I watch any of your interviews, you're just, you're such a listener, and the best quality I take away from you, Willow, and Adrian from that day was just you three are, like, the best listeners.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:22 Wow, thank you.

Jay Shetty 10:23 You, you engage people in a way that makes them find stuff they didn't even know that was in them.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:28 Right.

Jay Shetty 10:29 And, and my only hope, and I'm, I'm asking you to bless me to do this, I'm trying to do the same back for you today.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:34 You always do it, though, Jay. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 10:36 No, but you're-

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:36 Just 'cause we in front of cameras today.

Jay Shetty 10:38 Yeah. No, I mean seriously.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:39 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 10:39 But, but I mean it. I really mean it. But let's dive into what you said because let's ta- I mean, there's tons of stuff I wanna sh- from what you just said. Life is not the enemy.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:46 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 10:47 Such a powerful statement.

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:48 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 10:49 I feel like from what you just said you went through with your mother and your father-

Jada Pinkett Smith 10:53 Yeah

Jay Shetty 10:53 ... there are people who are listening who have similar experiences. There are people who have no idea what that feels like. But all of us, in our own way, like you said, feel life is the enemy at some point.

Jada Pinkett Smith 11:04 Yes.

Jay Shetty 11:04 How did you face that feeling that life is the enemy? How do you face that in the first instance? You've talked about the transformation, but when you first get to grips with that, how did you grapple with that?

Jada Pinkett Smith 11:16 I really started coming outside of myself and looking at the world and having conversations with people about their life-

Jay Shetty 11:28 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 11:28 ... and realizing I wasn't the only one that was hurting.

Jay Shetty 11:32 Mm, so powerful.

Jada Pinkett Smith 11:34 You know what I mean? And that mostly everybody you're, that you'll meet is hurting at some capacity, but hurt is hurt, so everybody's trying to measure, well, you, you don't hurt as much as I do. Ah, da, da. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 11:45 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 11:46 You know, hurt is hurt. And so once I realized that that was the thing that we had in common, you know, that... And, and that's not the only thing we have in common-

Jay Shetty 11:56 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 11:56 ... but that's usually, you know, those trauma patterns are usually the things that we run into fiercely, that, that create more suffering and more conflict between people, right?

Jay Shetty 12:08 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:08 And so I really started looking at that and realizing, oh, wait a minute, hold it, hold it, hold it. Okay, now you have to get out of your ego. You have to stop thinking that You are so special that you're the only one that hurts this way.

Jay Shetty 12:24 Yes. Wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:25 Because that's ego on the other side. I think that p- you know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 12:28 Yes, that's exactly it. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:30 Yeah. And I r- like, I had to really confront how egotistical I was in my martyrdom.

Jay Shetty 12:38 Yes. Thank you.

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:39 We- right

Jay Shetty 12:40 Yes, absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:40 We never really talk about that side of ego.

Jay Shetty 12:45 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:45 We always look at the boisterous, you know, full of themselves kinda, but that other spectrum of the ego, that to me can be a bit more insidious-

Jay Shetty 12:57 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 12:57 ... because it's not, it's not recognized in the same way as how we identify-

Jay Shetty 13:05 Yes

Jada Pinkett Smith 13:05 ... ego. And when I came upon [laughs] that one, and I mean fiercely egotistical in, oh, how I suffer, and no one suffers like me, and it was, like, all of that.

Jay Shetty 13:20 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 13:20 And bringing more suffering into my life in order to prove and to build on that martyrdom.

Jay Shetty 13:30 Wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 13:31 And J- I, I, I mean, I was floored.

Jay Shetty 13:33 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 13:33 I was floored in that discovery of myself and that face of my ego that had really taken the lead in, of my life.

Jay Shetty 13:46 Yeah. I love the way you just put that. I, I think you're, I, I completely agree because the ego wants to be the most anything, so we look at ego, like you're saying, we look at the ego as, like, oh, I'm the best at this-

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:00 Right

Jay Shetty 14:00 ... or I'm the most accomplished.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:03 Right.

Jay Shetty 14:04 But then on the flip side, what you're talking about, which is the insidious, as you said-

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:08 Yes

Jay Shetty 14:08 ... ego, it's the I'm the most pained.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:10 Yes.

Jay Shetty 14:11 I'm the most hurt. I've had the most wrong done to me.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:14 Yes.

Jay Shetty 14:15 And so exactly, it's that ego just pushing it aside. And unfortunately, like you said, because we don't think of that as ego-

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:20 Right

Jay Shetty 14:21 ... we actually... And, and what you said, which, which really just blew my mind now, you were like, "Actually, we go and collect more pain to prove that we are the most pained."

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:30 That was my life.

Jay Shetty 14:31 Yeah, that's crazy. I never put it that way. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:33 Isn't it? And you put it, that's exactly what it is.

Jay Shetty 14:35 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:35 Crazy.

Jay Shetty 14:35 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:36 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 14:37 I didn't mean to say about you.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:38 No, no.

Jay Shetty 14:38 I'm not talking about you. I'm saying about myself.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:40 No, crazy. You can call me crazy any day, Jay.

Jay Shetty 14:42 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:42 Because it's, you know, it, it, it is a level of insanity.

Jay Shetty 14:47 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:47 And I had to really look at that.

Jay Shetty 14:48 Yeah. Me too.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:50 You know?

Jay Shetty 14:50 Me too.

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:50 And I, I had to, um, make a lot of changes-

Jay Shetty 14:56 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 14:57 ... in my life and have the courage to make those changes.

Jay Shetty 15:02 Yeah. Absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 15:03 'Cause you know more than anybody, it's not easy-

Jay Shetty 15:06 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 15:06 ... to grapple with those ideas and energies within.

Jay Shetty 15:12 Absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 15:12 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:13 And there's, that's beautiful. The second thing that really stood out when you were, when you were sharing the earlier notes with us, when you said you had to lay down the warrior, and when you say that, what I hear is, I hear so many people thinking like they're fighting for justice.

Jada Pinkett Smith 15:30 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:31 Or they're fighting for justice for themselves. We're fighting for what we think is right. We're fighting for what we believe is right. And when you say, "I had to lay down that warrior that always wants to fight and get going" and that sounds like a very tough thing to do, again, because everything about you when you're fighting feels like you're doing what's right. Like, I hear that so often where people are like, "But I know I'm right, and I know they're wrong." And it's like we know. We're like so, it's so factual in our head.

Jada Pinkett Smith 15:58 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:58 But you're actually talking about actually laying down the warrior has given you more peace.

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:01 Yes.

Jay Shetty 16:02 So tell us about that process.

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:04 Yeah, and it's not even... Let me tell you what's deep-

Jay Shetty 16:08 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:08 ... about that inner warrior when it comes to specifically dealing with relationships that are close to you.

Jay Shetty 16:19 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:20 You know, whether they're friendships, whether they're marriages, whether they're parent-child relationships, right? For someone like me who's dealt with a lot of loss and heartbreak in my life, one of the things that I did in order to survive it was to create this wall and kinda this invincibility.

Jay Shetty 16:48 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:49 That warrior, right?

Jay Shetty 16:51 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:51 That comes and goes, "You can't take me out."

Jay Shetty 16:54 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 16:54 "So bring it." Right? So now when you are confronted with heartbreak with someone who you say you love, and the warrior wants to come and go, "What's up? What you got?"

Jay Shetty 17:12 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:14 So that's not loving, and it's surely not gonna create more love.

Jay Shetty 17:19 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:21 But it's been the defense mechanism that's protected me from the wolves, the bears on the street.

Jay Shetty 17:30 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:31 Where I grew up, you weren't allowed to be open and loving. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 17:38 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:38 Right?

Jay Shetty 17:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:40 You know?

Jay Shetty 17:40 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:40 It's like-

Jay Shetty 17:41 You're not allowed

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:41 ... that'd get you killed, basically.

Jay Shetty 17:43 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:44 What you had to be was sly.

Jay Shetty 17:46 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:47 Slick. You know what I'm saying? You had to have one up on everybody else, right? And so-

Jay Shetty 17:55 Such a tough way to be

Jada Pinkett Smith 17:55 ... it is. And you, you definitely, you know, you, you also have to, in order to protect yourself in the war zones that I grew up in, it's like, you know, there's a little killer that's inside of you.

Jay Shetty 18:10 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:11 You know what I'm saying?

Jay Shetty 18:12 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:12 And so all of these, um, aspects of my personality that have been nurtured, and even coming out to LA at a young age and dealing with all these- All these su- what I call pseudo wolves

Jay Shetty 18:26 Yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:27 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 18:28 They're not, they're not even there. I mean

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:29 I'm like, I, I, just, yeah, please.

Jay Shetty 18:31 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:32 Right? Um, but yet and still, having to have that killer instinct on point.

Jay Shetty 18:38 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:39 You know? And that's kind of where Will and I connected.

Jay Shetty 18:44 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:44 That inner killer.

Jay Shetty 18:46 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:46 You know what I'm saying?

Jay Shetty 18:47 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:47 It's like we know how to fight.

Jay Shetty 18:51 Yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 18:51 [laughs] You know what I mean? And so, um, so then when it's time for he and I to actually have some openness-

Jay Shetty 19:01 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:01 ... ugh, right?

Jay Shetty 19:03 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:04 Because of what we've nurtured.

Jay Shetty 19:06 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:07 And I have a lot of people around me that I have relationships with that come from those kind of backgrounds and environments.

Jay Shetty 19:13 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:13 And it makes it very difficult to get to loving, kind, compassionate, gentle spaces within and without, right?

Jay Shetty 19:31 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:31 And so even learning to have that, 'cause that killer instinct will turn on you, and that's what you don't realize. It's like you think you're protecting yourself from other people and from the world, but at the end of the day, you're shutting yourself from yourself.

Jay Shetty 19:47 Wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:49 Right?

Jay Shetty 19:49 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 19:49 And to the point you don't know... You, you, you're not even connected to your soul, your heart, your like... And when, when I had to wake up and out of that fog of how I had been operating and my heart and spirit weren't actually in the lead, ugh.

Jay Shetty 20:10 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:11 That is such a hard confront-

Jay Shetty 20:13 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:14 ... when you have to look at the things within yourself that don't confirm who you thought you were.

Jay Shetty 20:22 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:24 And then you have to look at how it's affected people you actually care about.

Jay Shetty 20:28 Mm. That's hard.

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:29 But that's the work.

Jay Shetty 20:30 Yeah. That's the work.

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:31 That's the work.

Jay Shetty 20:31 But it's beautiful that you could see it and separate it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:35 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 20:35 Because I think half the time, the challenge is people just see it as them.

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:39 It's not.

Jay Shetty 20:39 Right? Like that feeling of like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:41 Yeah

Jay Shetty 20:41 ... I am just this. And like if you had just accepted, you're like, "Oh, I'm just Baltimore. I'm just street. I'm just, this is just who I am-

Jada Pinkett Smith 20:48 Yeah. No

Jay Shetty 20:48 ... and, and I can't change it because it's who my conditioning is. But that's what I'm saying, like it's, it takes such a moment to be able to separate and go, "Wait a minute. I can either lead from the heart, I can lead from this, or I can be led by whatever it is," right?

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:05 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 21:05 Like the opposite.

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:06 I think it was really my... I guess when I turned 40-

Jay Shetty 21:11 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:11 ... I really got serious about my spiritual practices and, and, and my spiritual connection. I always knew that there was a power higher than me, but I wasn't connected.

Jay Shetty 21:22 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:23 So it's different knowing-

Jay Shetty 21:24 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:25 ... that there's a higher power, and then actually taking the time to cultivate that relationship.

Jay Shetty 21:31 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:31 You and I have talked a lot about that.

Jay Shetty 21:33 Yes. Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:33 And once I started really cultivating, and that, that takes such a discipline and, and such a deep trust, right? Um, cultivating that relationship with that higher source, and started to realize the beauty and the depth of love that was in that, that's in that source. I said, "Well, this is what I am-

Jay Shetty 21:59 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 21:59 ... because this is where I'm f- this is what I'm made from."

Jay Shetty 22:02 Yes. Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:04 All this other stuff has been acquired.

Jay Shetty 22:06 Wow. Yeah, this is actually where I'm from.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:09 Right. This is actually-

Jay Shetty 22:10 Yeah. This is actually where I'm from

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:10 ... this is, this is it

Jay Shetty 22:11 But I think I'm from this.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:12 But I think that I'm of Baltimore. No, no, no, no, no.

Jay Shetty 22:16 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:16 I'm of, uh, the source.

Jay Shetty 22:17 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:18 Right?

Jay Shetty 22:18 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:18 And so I've been stepping towards, you know, shedding all the ideas of what I believe that I am. So it's just been a lot of ego death.

Jay Shetty 22:33 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:34 You know? It's a constant ego death.

Jay Shetty 22:40 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:40 I feel like every day-

Jay Shetty 22:42 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 22:42 ... some aspect of myself is dying, and that, I completely understand, you know, why some people just choose not to do it.

Jay Shetty 22:55 Yeah, because it's almost like a part of you mourns every time even a bad part dies.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:01 Whew.

Jay Shetty 23:01 Right? It's like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:01 'Cause they're good friends.

Jay Shetty 23:02 Yeah. Exactly.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:03 Believe it or not. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 23:04 They're good friends. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. They feel close.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:06 Yes.

Jay Shetty 23:07 They feel close because it's been a part of you for 10, 20, 30, 40 years-

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:10 Yes

Jay Shetty 23:10 ... whatever it is. And so every time it dies, you feel like you've lost a part of who you are.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:14 Yes.

Jay Shetty 23:15 But we're saying that it's not really you.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:17 Really you.

Jay Shetty 23:18 Yeah. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:19 You know? So it's almost like you have to send off those aspects of yourself with o- and one of the things that I've learned-

Jay Shetty 23:27 Mm. Tell us.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:29 Ugh. You gotta love those shadows.

Jay Shetty 23:31 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:33 You gotta love them.

Jay Shetty 23:34 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:35 They might-

Jay Shetty 23:35 That's what I thought

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:36 ... uh, like, you know, it's like those shadow pieces got me. They helped me survive.

Jay Shetty 23:46 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:47 Maybe not at the highest level, but I'm here.

Jay Shetty 23:51 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 23:51 And I, you know, you just send them off with thank yous. You know, for this next part, I, I just don't need that, but thank you for all of it, the good, the bad, the, the challenging, the, the, you know, the joyous, w- uh, just for all of it. And so I feel like in the bigger scope of the spiritual spectrum-

Jay Shetty 24:23 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 24:25 ... when we can embrace our own shadow- It decreases, it dissipates the, that, like, negative energy that's put into shadow, right?

Jay Shetty 24:37 Yes. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 24:38 Yes.

Jay Shetty 24:39 Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 24:40 Yes. So ultimately, in the collective shadow, we can help-

Jay Shetty 24:45 Yes

Jada Pinkett Smith 24:45 ... bring light.

Jay Shetty 24:47 Yeah. Wow. Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 24:47 You know? As we're dealing with our own personal shadows.

Jay Shetty 24:51 Thank you so much for that, that, the thank yous to your shadows.

Jada Pinkett Smith 24:56 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 24:56 Like that love to your shadows. That is so powerful because I feel like if you try and drop something out of haste-

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:02 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:02 ... or out of, like, resentment-

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:04 Yes

Jay Shetty 25:04 ... you just pick it back up as quickly.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:06 You do.

Jay Shetty 25:06 Because you don't really detach.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:08 You don't.

Jay Shetty 25:08 And so when, that's so powerful. Thank you for that. Like, just that, just as simply as you put it of just, just love your shadows and love them to leave.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:15 Yes.

Jay Shetty 25:16 Right? Like, love them as they leave. Not-

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:18 Love them

Jay Shetty 25:18 ... not this, like, not this, like, resentment. Like, "Oh, I don't need you anymore."

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:23 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:23 "Get out of here." Like that, that kind of warrior, again.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:26 Absolutely.

Jay Shetty 25:27 Thinking that, thinking that you're protecting yourself, but actually you're just making it easy for them to creep back in.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:31 That aversion is just-

Jay Shetty 25:33 Yeah. Aversion, yes

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:33 ... yeah. Is just as ... You know, I've lea- Listen, I've learned that any extreme, you know, I, I was the queen of extremes. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 25:42 [laughs] The queen of extremes. I love that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:43 You know?

Jay Shetty 25:44 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:44 Queen of extremes, and now I'm trying to be the queen of neutrality.

Jay Shetty 25:47 Ooh, I like it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:48 Yeah. And so-

Jay Shetty 25:49 I love it

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:50 ... yeah, no, no big highs, no big lows.

Jay Shetty 25:52 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:52 You know? Because it's all on each s- on each side is pitfalls.

Jay Shetty 25:57 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 25:58 You know? And so, um, you know, for me to just, I'm, I'm always trying to, uh, find that mental place for right perception.

Jay Shetty 26:13 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:14 You know?

Jay Shetty 26:14 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:15 So any extreme gets us into false ideas of some kind.

Jay Shetty 26:19 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:20 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:20 It's so true.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:21 It is.

Jay Shetty 26:22 It is so true. You're so right.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:24 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:24 Because that, in, in the Gita it said that attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:29 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:30 So-

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:30 You know, the Gita's my book. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 26:31 Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. It's my book too. Like, it's my, yeah. It's my book too.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:35 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:35 Uh, it's, yeah, and, and that, that statement is so powerful because-

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:39 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 26:39 ... we think, oh, those who are attached are going down the wrong path.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:43 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 26:44 But it's also those who are falsely averse, uh, or what sometimes the books call it as monkey renunciation.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:50 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:51 Right?

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:51 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:51 Like, a monkey just, like, playfully will say, "Oh, I don't need that banana. I don't need that."

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:55 Right.

Jay Shetty 26:55 But really in its heart it's, like, craving it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 26:57 Yep.

Jay Shetty 26:57 And it pulls it back into its life. So yeah, that's a really-

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:01 It's a tricky dance

Jay Shetty 27:02 ... fine, yeah, it's a tricky d- dance. That's, I like that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:04 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 27:05 But I like that word because when you th- see it as a dance-

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:08 It is. It's a dance

Jay Shetty 27:10 ... yeah, it's a dance. Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:10 ... all of it is.

Jay Shetty 27:11 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:11 You know? I mean, [sighs] just realizing that, you know, the, the, the other thing, you know, the, we're having this conversation days after-

Jay Shetty 27:23 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:23 ... you know, the tragic death of Kobe.

Jay Shetty 27:25 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 27:25 And, uh, the feeling and the idea of impermanence is absolutely terrifying, and the ego, and I even went through this after hearing about Kobe and having certain situations in my life and realizing how the ego just came in and shut me down. People were talking about how they were opening up, and what happened and what I realized is now having, in my life right now, having to deal with the idea of impermanence, how so not only do you have to walk in this life with openness, but knowing that there's no ground underneath you.

Jay Shetty 28:13 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:14 And the way in which the ego wants it to h- to be.

Jay Shetty 28:18 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:19 So as soon as that happened, my ego came in and said, "We gotta get control."

Jay Shetty 28:26 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:26 "We gotta get control."

Jay Shetty 28:30 Just, like, shocked into being.

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:32 To, yeah.

Jay Shetty 28:32 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:33 Shocked into get control.

Jay Shetty 28:35 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:36 And it was like, oh. But it was such, it was like it just showed me that next level of-

Jay Shetty 28:43 Of

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:43 ... purification that needs to happen within-

Jay Shetty 28:45 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 28:45 ... and the acceptance of impermanence and knowing that I don't have the ground under my feet in the way in which my ego wants. But what I have learned is that the ground under my feet is that of a higher source.

Jay Shetty 29:02 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:04 That's the only ground-

Jay Shetty 29:07 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:07 ... to walk on.

Jay Shetty 29:08 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:08 It's the only ground.

Jay Shetty 29:09 It's the only safe ground.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:10 It's the only safe ground.

Jay Shetty 29:11 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:11 It's the only thing that one can truly rely on.

Jay Shetty 29:17 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:18 And that our human interactions are for our lessons.

Jay Shetty 29:21 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:22 Not for reliability in that way. You know, if you come across relationships-

Jay Shetty 29:28 Oh, yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:28 ... and people that you can rely on 50% of the time, 60% of the time, 70%, that's a win.

Jay Shetty 29:35 Yeah. It's huge.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:35 It's huge. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:37 It's huge. Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:37 It's huge.

Jay Shetty 29:37 Be so grateful for that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:38 Yes. And I think that oftentimes we come into these false ideas of what our human relating is supposed to be about.

Jay Shetty 29:47 Ah, yeah. Tell us about that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:49 Mkay.

Jay Shetty 29:50 Yeah. Tell us about that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 29:52 This is probably one a lot of people not gonna wanna hear. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:55 No, I, I think it's good. I think the more we talk about, and this is what, and you're, you're an expert at this and, and you do it out of compassion. It's like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 30:00 Right

Jay Shetty 30:01 ... we're talking about these things as people who've s- who are going through it too.

Jada Pinkett Smith 30:06 Yes.

Jay Shetty 30:06 Like, as in, you know, we've always talked about it in that way. Like, when you're saying all of this, I'm like, "Oh, I did that. I did that. I did that. I do that. I still do that."

Jada Pinkett Smith 30:13 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 30:13 Like, you know, it's, it's, it's not coming from a place. So yeah, tell us from that place where, how you-

Jada Pinkett Smith 30:18 So from that place and just recognizing that what I've learned, and I've learned this from my own faults And where I think I've shown up for people or, you know, um, or where I've failed people, you know? Um, and realizing in, in my own relating with people that relationships are simply there to show us ourselves.

Jay Shetty 30:56 Wow. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 30:58 And I think a lot of times we go into relationships, we, you know, we gravitate to friends, or we gravitate to lovers-

Jay Shetty 31:05 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:05 ... or husbands or wives and what have you.

Jay Shetty 31:07 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:08 And we're like, "This person is supposed to know how to love me."

Jay Shetty 31:14 Yes. Oh, wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:16 Right?

Jay Shetty 31:16 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:16 And so when the inevitable-

Jay Shetty 31:19 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:19 ... disappointment comes up [laughs]

Jay Shetty 31:22 Inevitable.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:23 Inevitable.

Jay Shetty 31:23 Yeah, inevitable. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:24 You know, of how-

Jay Shetty 31:25 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:25 ... this person has failed you, how this person has hurt you-

Jay Shetty 31:28 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:28 ... how this person has betrayed you, how this person hasn't been the most integrous. We could go on-

Jay Shetty 31:33 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:33 ... and on and on, right? Now, we are taking it personally, and we're looking at something is wrong with me or something is wrong with them, but something's wrong.

Jay Shetty 31:45 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:46 Right?

Jay Shetty 31:47 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:48 Once again-

Jay Shetty 31:49 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:50 ... the ability to lay the ego down-

Jay Shetty 31:53 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 31:53 ... and look at the mirror, right, and say, "What is this showing me about myself?"

Jay Shetty 32:03 Mm-hmm. So hard to do.

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:04 It's so hard to do, 'cause at the end of the day, no matter what's happening... Now, now, I'm not talking about people who've been victimized in a certain manner.

Jay Shetty 32:13 Correct. Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:13 Right? I'm, I'm talking about-

Jay Shetty 32:14 This could be... Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:15 ... Right. I'm talking about, um, consensual relationships-

Jay Shetty 32:20 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:20 ... that go awry.

Jay Shetty 32:21 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:22 No matter what, I've had to realize that no matter what circumstance I'm in and no matter what's happened, I have to take responsibility.

Jay Shetty 32:34 Mm-hmm. This is gonna help a lot of people pushing through that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:38 Yeah. That's a hard one.

Jay Shetty 32:40 Yeah, it is hard. Like, and I guess it's even harder when you have kids.

Jada Pinkett Smith 32:44 I think one of the most difficult aspects of, in, in my history of relating, um, in those moments that I wanted to hang on to victim, or I wanted to hang on to blame, I would have that moment where I had to look at the situation and go, "Well, you let this into your life, so why?"

Jay Shetty 33:09 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:09 And let's look at that because at the end-

Jay Shetty 33:11 Yes

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:11 ... of the day, Jada-

Jay Shetty 33:12 Yes

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:12 ... that's all you have control over.

Jay Shetty 33:14 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:15 Right?

Jay Shetty 33:15 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:17 So when I had to start looking at how I was relating to people, how I was being affected, and how I was affecting them-

Jay Shetty 33:26 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:27 ... but then making the choice to only look at my part-

Jay Shetty 33:30 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:31 ... ooh, JJ.

Jay Shetty 33:32 [laughs] Oh, that responsibility.

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:36 That level of responsibility, but what it reveals to you about why you're making the choices that you're making and inviting certain dynamics and people into your life. 'Cause at the end of the day, it's your invite.

Jay Shetty 33:56 Wow. Yes. It's you invited them into your life.

Jada Pinkett Smith 33:59 You invited it.

Jay Shetty 34:00 You wrote it, you chose it. No one forced you.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:02 You chose it. So now you have to look at the why because that same saying of, "Nobody can do to you what you don't allow."

Jay Shetty 34:14 Ah, yes. Absolutely. Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:17 Well, when I tell you that's a painful one to have to... Ooh, ah. Because first of all-

Jay Shetty 34:22 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:22 ... it goes against everything we've been taught about what love is supposed to look like, what romantic love is.

Jay Shetty 34:28 Wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:29 Oh, man, right?

Jay Shetty 34:30 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:31 It's like I don't need to look at me.

Jay Shetty 34:32 No.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:33 He's the one that went out and did da, da, da, da, da.

Jay Shetty 34:36 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:37 Yeah, but you chose him.

Jay Shetty 34:38 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:38 So let's talk about it.

Jay Shetty 34:39 Yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:40 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 34:41 So well put.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:42 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 34:42 It's your invite. It's like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:43 It was your invite

Jay Shetty 34:43 ... it's like if someone comes to a party at your house-

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:47 Right

Jay Shetty 34:47 ... and you didn't like how they behaved, you could be upset with them, or you could be like, "But I sent them the invite," right?

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:54 You sent the invite.

Jay Shetty 34:54 Like, and that's why I love the word invite-

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:55 Right

Jay Shetty 34:56 ... 'cause it's that same thing, but you've got to look at the fact I invited them.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:58 Right.

Jay Shetty 34:58 I'm the one who told them to come.

Jada Pinkett Smith 34:59 Right.

Jay Shetty 35:00 And maybe in the back of your head you even knew that they would probably do something like that, but you still invited them-

Jada Pinkett Smith 35:05 Yep

Jay Shetty 35:05 ... whether it was an obligation, expectation, whether it was lust, whether it, whatever it was that-

Jada Pinkett Smith 35:10 Yes.

Jay Shetty 35:11 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 35:11 And that part, what you have to really look at is like, oh, I invited this person in because of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then when you look at why they were invited in the first place, then you realize why the circumstance is what it is. But I realized in my own life if I wasn't willing to take responsibility for that, my life would not change.

Jay Shetty 35:35 100%.

Jada Pinkett Smith 35:36 And we stay stuck-

Jay Shetty 35:37 [clears throat]

Jada Pinkett Smith 35:38 ... in certain patterns when we're not willing to look at ourselves. [exhales] Yeah.

Jay Shetty 35:47 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 35:48 It's a hard piece.

Jay Shetty 35:49 Yeah. That is, that's, that's... I mean, that is the best way I've ever heard it being put because I think we, we hear that self-reflection piece a lot, but it's, it's really that, what you've just put the, like, the magnifying glass on of just it's your invite. You made the choice.

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:05 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 36:05 You selected it, and when you realize why you did that, that's what your actual enemy. Like, that's what you're actually up against.

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:12 Yes.

Jay Shetty 36:12 You're not up against that person. You're up against this conditioning or habit or pattern-

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:18 Yes

Jay Shetty 36:19 ... that is making you choose that type of a person in your life.

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:22 And we're, it's never the person. That's the thing I realized.

Jay Shetty 36:26 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:26 It's always me.

Jay Shetty 36:28 [laughs] Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:30 It's always me And I can make a choice. And what I realize is that that's self-love

Jay Shetty 36:41 That's real self-love

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:41 That's real self-love

Jay Shetty 36:43 Yeah. It's not just-

Jada Pinkett Smith 36:44 When we can have the love, love ourselves enough to have the courage to look at ourselves and be honest, look at our patterns, look at our creates, and then make the changes, have the courage then to make the changes that we need that reflect a more loving embrace of ourselves, nobody can do that. I don't care how much they love you. Now, what we can do is be responsible enough to bring people in our lives who do, um, who assist in nourishing-

Jay Shetty 37:29 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 37:29 ... that self-love. But people can't create it, and I think a lot of times we try to look for relationships that buoy us up.

Jay Shetty 37:38 Ah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 37:38 Relationships that confirm ideas of what we think we are.

Jay Shetty 37:44 Mm. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 37:46 Right?

Jay Shetty 37:46 Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 37:49 And we rely on people to confirm us-

Jay Shetty 37:55 Yeah, yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 37:55 ... versus relying on ourselves and the self-love patterns that we have the courage to create to confirm us.

Jay Shetty 38:11 Y- absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:12 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 38:12 Absolutely. And I've heard you say that, that actually, when you surrounded yourself with people who are honest with you-

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:18 Yes

Jay Shetty 38:18 ... that that's what really helped, right? Because if you're always surrounding yourself with yes people or confirmation people, then you're just creating that bubble of confirmation.

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:29 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 38:30 But, but you actually were saying that, how, but how do we... There's two things there, because I find, like, attracting people to be honest with you requires two things.

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:39 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 38:39 One is that you're ready.

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:41 [laughs] Yeah.

Jay Shetty 38:42 Like, we all say, like, "I want real feedback," right? But it's like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:45 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 38:45 ... do I really want real feedback? Like, how, and, and that's why you've gotta ask that to the people that you really want it from. Like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:52 Yeah

Jay Shetty 38:52 ... you can't just throw that around. Like, you don't just go out in the streets and go, "Give me feedback."

Jada Pinkett Smith 38:55 Right.

Jay Shetty 38:55 Like, but, but one thing is you've gotta be ready for honesty, and the second thing is you've gotta be able to give honesty to others and yourself, too. Because if you're struggling to give honesty, then how do you think that person feels about giving it to you or to anyone? And so we create this cycle of, of this circle of dishonesty, and even if it's not dishonest, like, we're not trying to lie to anyone-

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:17 Right

Jay Shetty 39:17 ... or manipulate. It's just I'm just gonna hide it and harbor it, right?

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:20 Exactly. Where that, that's a lot of what happens in relationships, that people spend a lot of time figuring out how not to be found out.

Jay Shetty 39:29 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:30 Right? So whether it's like, "Oh, I don't want this person to know, you know, this person I really care about to know that I'm actually scared in this area."

Jay Shetty 39:38 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:38 "I don't want my friend to see that, uh, I actually don't f- don't know what I'm doing." What-

Jay Shetty 39:45 Yeah [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:45 ... whatever it is.

Jay Shetty 39:46 Whatever it is.

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:46 You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 39:47 Yeah, whatever it is.

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:47 We spend so much time masking.

Jay Shetty 39:50 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:50 You know? Feeling as though we need to be something.

Jay Shetty 39:55 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 39:55 You know? One of the things that I will say about long-term relating, um, is that you do get worn down to a place where things can get so raw in the most beautiful way that there's just no more room for pretending, and that you know each other so well you can't hide.

Jay Shetty 40:26 [exhales]

Jada Pinkett Smith 40:28 And then you come to a place in your relating where you go, "Now, am I just gonna leave this and then-"

Jay Shetty 40:37 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 40:37 ... "go someplace else, create another relationship where I can be more confirmed on what I'd rather see myself as?"

Jay Shetty 40:45 Yeah, and create more of a buffer-

Jada Pinkett Smith 40:47 Right

Jay Shetty 40:47 ... to hide it again

Jada Pinkett Smith 40:47 ... a buffer to hide it, or am I gonna stay in this and get to my true self?

Jay Shetty 40:54 [exhales] Wow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 40:55 And that's usually what the decision comes down to, right?

Jay Shetty 41:02 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:02 And-

Jay Shetty 41:03 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:04 ... it's a hard-

Jay Shetty 41:06 It's hard

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:06 ... confront. And, you know, even in, when I see that people decide to go their separate ways, I go, "I get it."

Jay Shetty 41:13 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:15 I get it, 'cause it's-

Jay Shetty 41:16 It's hard

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:19 ... it's, it is so excruciating, you know? But if you can find the friendship, and that's another thing you, there, there's this friendship that c- that blossoms.

Jay Shetty 41:32 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:32 You know, that super, you know, just basically, um, exceeds whatever romantic ideals or, you know, I, whatever fantasies that you had about your relationship, right?

Jay Shetty 41:51 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:51 And there's this, this friendship and this, this, this spiritual partnership-

Jay Shetty 41:56 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 41:57 ... that starts to be created once you are willing to walk the landmines of the traumatized child together.

Jay Shetty 42:11 [exhales]

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:13 'Cause that's all it is. That's what it comes down to.

Jay Shetty 42:15 Yeah. It's two traumatized kids.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:16 Two tr- traumatized kids trying to figure it out.

Jay Shetty 42:18 Yeah. What are they gonna figure out?

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:20 And when you sit down and you go, "Okay, we're gonna walk this landmine together. Now, you might lose a couple limbs. You good with that?"

Jay Shetty 42:25 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:27 [laughs] They'll grow back.

Jay Shetty 42:29 Uh, yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:29 They'll grow back, you know? If we get, we get to the other side, they gonna grow back.

Jay Shetty 42:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:34 You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 42:34 And they'll be better.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:35 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 42:35 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:35 And they'll be better.

Jay Shetty 42:36 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:36 They'll be better. They'll be stronger, you know?

Jay Shetty 42:38 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:38 But it, it's-

Jay Shetty 42:38 But that's, and I think that's the challenge for so many people, that, and, and I think this is not- This is not mutually exclusive, but it's like, I think, feel, I hear a lot of this, and tell me if you feel the same way. I hear a lot of one partner trying to go on this path-

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:55 Yeah

Jay Shetty 42:55 ... and one struggling.

Jada Pinkett Smith 42:57 Yeah, [laughs] it's always that. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 42:58 Right? Like, it's always kind of like that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:00 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 43:00 It's rarely that it's like, oh, here's two people... And, and, you know, with me and Radhi, it was very much like we did it, we did some processing together, but we also did a lot of processing separately.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:09 Have to.

Jay Shetty 43:10 And I wasn't even conscious that she was doing it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:13 Right.

Jay Shetty 43:13 Like, I, I didn't even know. Like, if I'm completely honest, I'm like, there were times when we were just distant and working on stuff independently.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:21 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 43:21 And then when we both figured out our own time, we came back in our own timing and continued to push forward. And so, but I find for a lot of people, they d- they feel that they're trying. They're trying to face themselves. They're trying to take on those lessons, but then they're, like, trying to pull someone up.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:36 Right.

Jay Shetty 43:37 And, and then they're, like, trying to get everyone through the landmine.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:39 Right.

Jay Shetty 43:40 And, and it's kind of like, it feels like a lot of pressure. That, that sounds like a hard place to be. What's your thoughts on that? Like, what have been your re- realization? I'm not looking for a solution or answer.

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:49 Right.

Jay Shetty 43:50 Just like, what's been your reflection or realization seeing people go through that, hearing that, and wanting to support and help them too?

Jada Pinkett Smith 43:56 I would say that in relationships and when it comes to growth, it's that seesaw.

Jay Shetty 44:04 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:04 There are times when, you know, sometimes your partner is gonna have to pull you.

Jay Shetty 44:10 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:11 Sometimes you're gonna have to pull your partner. Sometimes you do have to go your separate ways-

Jay Shetty 44:15 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:15 ... and figure out a whole lot of things. 'Cause the first thing you have to figure out is who you wanna be.

Jay Shetty 44:20 Definitely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:21 Who you wanna be.

Jay Shetty 44:22 Definitely. And that's-

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:23 That's what it comes down to

Jay Shetty 44:24 ... yeah, that's what it comes down to.

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:25 What kind of life do you wanna have? Who do you wanna be?

Jay Shetty 44:28 Yeah. And then you can actually communicate that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:30 Right.

Jay Shetty 44:30 'Cause half the time we're just expecting people to be mind readers.

Jada Pinkett Smith 44:33 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 44:33 Like, I felt like that for so long. I just wanted people, because... And it was because my mom could always read my mind, and this is what really helped me. I just started to look at, and, and this is something that really helped me, which I hope it helps anyone who's listening or watching right now. Like, I sat there and I was like, "What do I emulate that my parents did with me that I am now projecting onto my wife or my partner, whoever it is?" And when I started to do that, I started to see all the good things and all the things-

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:03 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 45:03 ... that I don't wanna be, but I'm like, oh, because my mom could always predict and read my mind when I was young, I always expected my partner to be able to do that same thing.

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:13 Right.

Jay Shetty 45:14 With no information, [laughs] with no communication, with no, with no help from me.

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:18 Right.

Jay Shetty 45:19 They should just know.

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:20 And I had the opposite.

Jay Shetty 45:21 Right.

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:22 I wanted to have that mirroring from my parents, and because I didn't have it-

Jay Shetty 45:27 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:27 ... I expected it from Will.

Jay Shetty 45:29 Right. And it's so... We end up doing the same thing. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:31 You end up doing the same thing, whether you have it or whether you don't.

Jay Shetty 45:33 Yeah, you don't, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:33 You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 45:34 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:34 And so the, it, it, it comes down to that, like, us coming out of our, you know, uh, what do you call it? The, the, the, the, the child and-

Jay Shetty 45:47 Traumatized child, as you said. Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 45:48 ... yeah, tr- tr- traumatized child or, or, you know, uh, in your case, you know, it's, you had a, you actually had an experience that you were trying to recreate.

Jay Shetty 45:59 Re- re- repeat.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:00 Right?

Jay Shetty 46:00 Yeah, repeat.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:00 Repeat.

Jay Shetty 46:00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:01 You know?

Jay Shetty 46:01 Exactly.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:02 And so a beautiful one at that.

Jay Shetty 46:03 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:04 And, um-

Jay Shetty 46:05 But a rare one too, like, a hard to predict

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:07 ... very rare.

Jay Shetty 46:07 Like, how can I just... You know, it's, you can't just be like... You ca- you can't expect anyone to live up to that, you know? It's... And, and, and also it's like, what are you expecting that person to live up to? Why?

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:18 Right.

Jay Shetty 46:18 Like, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:18 But, you know, that's a part of all the, the, the, uh, ideas of romanticism too.

Jay Shetty 46:25 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:25 That when somebody really loves you, they know.

Jay Shetty 46:27 They just know.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:27 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 46:29 [laughs] Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:30 You know?

Jay Shetty 46:30 They just know.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:31 They just know.

Jay Shetty 46:32 Yeah. If they don't know, then it's not love.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:33 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 46:34 Yeah. Which is not true.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:35 It's not true.

Jay Shetty 46:36 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:36 But so many of us operate off of that idea.

Jay Shetty 46:40 Movies, media, and music.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:41 Yes.

Jay Shetty 46:41 Like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:42 It's just, ugh.

Jay Shetty 46:43 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:44 They just, ugh.

Jay Shetty 46:45 Yeah. You really expect that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:45 It's, it's a lot of fantasy. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 46:46 That's such a great point. You so expect it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:49 You really do.

Jay Shetty 46:49 You expect them to know, and you're like... And, and this magic fairy dust-

Jada Pinkett Smith 46:53 Yes

Jay Shetty 46:53 ... of them knowing, and, and then you put it all on that. So even if someone treats you really badly, but they knew what gift you wanted, or they knew what you wanted to do on your birthday-

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:03 Yes

Jay Shetty 47:03 ... you take that as this-

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:05 The thing

Jay Shetty 47:05 ... the thing, even if they treat you like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:07 Crap

Jay Shetty 47:08 ... crap in between.

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:09 Nope.

Jay Shetty 47:09 Yeah, it gets messy. You've defined for us so many words today, I feel. Like, you've really given us, either defined or you've, you've deeply taken us to the, you've really taken us to the depths of so many words today. Like, genuinely, like w- when we talk about ego, we talk about self-love.

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:26 Mm.

Jay Shetty 47:26 What is your, and you asked me this too, and I'm intrigued by yours. What is your most current, and I say most current because we're trying to evolve always.

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:34 Right.

Jay Shetty 47:35 What's, like, your most current definition and understanding of love? Like, what, where i- where is that at right now, and, and how is your viewpoint of where it is?

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:45 Well, I can tell you probably more clearly what I know love isn't.

Jay Shetty 47:50 Let's start there.

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:51 Okay.

Jay Shetty 47:51 It's a good place to start.

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:52 Yeah, because I'm still, in all honesty, Jay-

Jay Shetty 47:56 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 47:56 ... I'm still trying to figure out what love is.

Jay Shetty 48:00 Yeah. Me too.

Jada Pinkett Smith 48:01 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 48:02 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 48:02 You know? And I think it's a journey, and I think that right now where I've started is self-love.

Jay Shetty 48:08 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 48:09 You know? And, like, ugh, on the deepest, most excruciating level ever, right? But I, what I'm very clear about is that I have no love to offer anyone if I don't love myself.

Jay Shetty 48:20 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 48:20 And I'm talking about on a very deep level, right? Um, through and through. Because I just got to a place where I wanted to, um, heal myself so that I have that to offer instead of all my trauma. I'm tired of hurting people.

Jay Shetty 48:42 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 48:42 And that all comes from, um- ... my traumas. And so I was, I've made it a point to just do some really deep healing, 'cause for this next part of my life, I just, I, I wanna leave a legacy of love. You know what I mean? Um, and so what I, what I have realized love is not is, uh, romanticism.

Jay Shetty 49:08 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:09 When I tell you I've thrown that out the window. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 49:13 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:14 I'm like, "That ain't it."

Jay Shetty 49:15 Yep.

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:17 Right?

Jay Shetty 49:17 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:18 I don't want any parts of it.

Jay Shetty 49:21 Yeah, the false, the fake-

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:21 All the false-

Jay Shetty 49:23 ... the magnified view

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:24 ... magnified, projected, "I need you to be this."

Jay Shetty 49:26 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:28 I don't want it. Um, and so what I'm, what I'm looking to do, you know, I'm in the process of learning to love myself and love others, and I know that true love is not unkind. I know that true love is compassionate. True love is not always easy.

Jay Shetty 49:55 That's for sure.

Jada Pinkett Smith 49:56 Right? But it's not cruel.

Jay Shetty 50:02 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:04 And ego has no place.

Jay Shetty 50:05 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:07 So that's what I know it's not.

Jay Shetty 50:09 Love that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:10 Right?

Jay Shetty 50:11 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:11 Um, and what I do know also, and this is just me, I feel as though true love has to go from here to here to there.

Jay Shetty 50:23 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:24 So it's actually that, that higher source, it has to come from my connection to my connection through the higher source-

Jay Shetty 50:40 Back

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:40 ... back. 'Cause this right here, I'll mess it up every time.

Jay Shetty 50:44 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:45 Believe it. Believe it.

Jay Shetty 50:48 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:48 I'll mess it up every time.

Jay Shetty 50:50 Yeah. And it's, and it's not an-

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:52 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 50:52 Like, it's like a-

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:53 It's just-

Jay Shetty 50:54 It's, yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:54 ... you, it's, it's... And I, I, I think it's a brilliant design-

Jay Shetty 50:58 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 50:58 ... of the highest.

Jay Shetty 51:00 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:00 You wanna love, you better come know me.

Jay Shetty 51:02 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:03 You really wanna love somebody, you really wanna know yourself, really wanna love yourself, you better come know me.

Jay Shetty 51:08 Yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:10 You can try this.

Jay Shetty 51:11 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:11 You can try acquiring all these things and-

Jay Shetty 51:14 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:14 ... "Oh, I'll give you all the riches you want. Oh, you can have all that." See if it buys you love. See if it gives you the love you're looking for.

Jay Shetty 51:25 Mm. And it doesn't.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:27 It's a brilliant design.

Jay Shetty 51:29 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:29 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 51:30 And masterful because it works for anyone and everyone.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:33 It does.

Jay Shetty 51:33 That's when you know it's a design. Like, I love that you-

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:36 Yes

Jay Shetty 51:36 ... I've, I've never heard it put that way, but you've really... When you describe it as a design, almost like a law.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:42 Yes.

Jay Shetty 51:42 It's like a law. It's been-

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:43 It's a law.

Jay Shetty 51:44 It's a law. And so that law is so... When you think of it as a law, you just realize that there is no... Like, because I feel like when, when you first fall in love-

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:56 Yeah

Jay Shetty 51:56 ... you, you think you're the exception.

Jada Pinkett Smith 51:59 You do.

Jay Shetty 51:59 Like, there is no couple who does not think-

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:01 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 52:01 ... that they are the exception, me included.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:03 Yes, me included.

Jay Shetty 52:04 You know, when I, you know, yeah, when I first got married, I was just like, "Yeah, I'm the exception though."

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:07 Right. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 52:07 You know? Like, I'm like, I'm like, you know, the, my ego's, like, really proud. Like, I'm like, "Yeah, I did it differently. I got it right."

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:12 Right.

Jay Shetty 52:13 "My friend's got it wrong. I'm gonna get it right." You know, that feeling.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:16 Yep.

Jay Shetty 52:16 Then you get into it and you're like, "Oh, okay." [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:19 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 52:20 Because it's a law.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:21 It is.

Jay Shetty 52:21 It's not, it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter how evolved you think you are.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:25 Yep.

Jay Shetty 52:25 It doesn't matter how spiritual you think you are. Like, if you think you are all those things, then you've missed the whole law. You missed the whole goal.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:33 You've, yes.

Jay Shetty 52:34 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:34 That's it.

Jay Shetty 52:34 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:35 You've missed it.

Jay Shetty 52:36 Yeah, you've missed it. And, and I love that you've said it's designed and it's law. When, when we look at those language, it's just so clear. Like, it's designed this way. Don't try and be that one person who breaks that design or avoids it. It doesn't work like that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:50 That's the ego and the arrogance-

Jay Shetty 52:52 Yeah, it's the ego, yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:52 ... that comes with it.

Jay Shetty 52:53 Thinking I can do better.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:54 Yeah, I can do better, and, you know, I know better.

Jay Shetty 52:56 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:57 I'm smarter than.

Jay Shetty 52:57 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 52:58 And then, you know, all those kind of romantic feelings, they're so powerful and so strong-

Jay Shetty 53:04 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:04 ... that, you know, you f- it makes you feel like you've reached an, a height-

Jay Shetty 53:10 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:10 ... that is beyond what it actually is.

Jay Shetty 53:13 Yeah. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:14 It's actually not... It's a heightened state that's not in the highest ranks of love.

Jay Shetty 53:22 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:23 It's actually in the, in a pretty low rank. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 53:25 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:26 You know, once you really get into it.

Jay Shetty 53:29 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:29 You know?

Jay Shetty 53:29 And, and how have you changed that imagery? 'Cause I feel like with you and, you know, I, you, recently you were in Vietnam.

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:35 Right.

Jay Shetty 53:35 You know, I know that you travel spiritually. I know we wanna go to India together.

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:39 Yes.

Jay Shetty 53:39 Like, there's just, you've started crafting your life in a way where your imagery is changing. What I mean by that is, like, we ha- like, when, when we hear the word love-

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:50 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 53:51 ... we have a mental picture based on movies, media, and music. When you have a, when you think of romance, you have a mental picture-

Jada Pinkett Smith 53:56 Right

Jay Shetty 53:57 ... on what it looks like because of movies, media, and music. Like, we have these mental pictures, but you've been changing where you visit, what you read, who you spend time-

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:04 Yeah

Jay Shetty 54:04 ... like, you've, it's not just, like, you just, you're not just thinking about this stuff.

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:08 No.

Jay Shetty 54:09 My point is, like, you're making a real effort to travel, but also travel internally-

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:15 Yeah

Jay Shetty 54:15 ... with books, with listening, with teachers, whatever it may be, to, to go there. It's not just like, you don't, you can't just start thinking this and then it happens, if that makes sense.

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:23 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 54:24 Does that make sense?

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:24 It makes a lot of sense.

Jay Shetty 54:25 Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about any experiences that you've had where you've, you've traveled or you've been that have just left, like, a... Or even, and it could be travel through a book. Like, anything that had a, left a big impression on you where there, there was something which gave you more faith in what you're saying, that gave you even more strength in what you're saying about how love goes up and then back, if that makes sense.

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:50 It makes all the sense in the world. And I would say [laughs]

Jay Shetty 54:57 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 54:58 My deepest travel has been in my bedroom in meditation.

Jay Shetty 55:05 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 55:07 You know, meditation, people think about it in, in really lofty terms, right? So I'll- I'm gonna take meditation out for a minute-

Jay Shetty 55:17 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 55:17 ... and just say in my bedroom in stillness.

Jay Shetty 55:20 Love it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 55:21 'Cause if you can just be still, right?

Jay Shetty 55:24 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 55:25 And in stillness is where I learn to have a very intimate relationship with myself and a very intimate relationship with the higher source, right? In those moments when I'm in a deep, painful struggle, and I have to sit in the fire of that pain-

Jay Shetty 55:50 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 55:52 ... and I have to look at what's coming up, why it's coming up, and just have the patience to sit with myself, and eventually that higher source comes in with an embrace of some kind-

Jay Shetty 56:16 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 56:17 ... that helps me understand why I am where I am and helps me see what I need to change within, whatever trauma pattern within, that I need to change-

Jay Shetty 56:35 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 56:36 ... in order to dissolve a cycle that I'm in, a cycle that I'm trying to get out of, or, or a pain that I'm in.

Jay Shetty 56:44 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 56:45 Usually when I'm, I realize if I'm in a enormous amount of pain of some kind, then I have a false belief.

Jay Shetty 56:52 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 56:53 So I sit in stillness, and I listen until I can recognize the false belief, and it may not come in one sitting, right?

Jay Shetty 57:02 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:02 It might take two, might take three, but it always comes because once the universe knows your intention-

Jay Shetty 57:10 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:10 ... you know what I mean, and what you're in search for, honestly what you're in search for, the universe gives you the answers. Right? And so-

Jay Shetty 57:22 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:22 ... that's been my biggest travel-

Jay Shetty 57:23 Yeah. That is-

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:24 ... is inward. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 57:26 That is the best answer-

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:27 Yeah

Jay Shetty 57:28 ... because that's available to everyone.

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:30 Yes.

Jay Shetty 57:30 That's what I love about it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:31 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 57:31 As soon as you said that, just, like, it's available to each and every one of us. It's not about going... You don't need to go anywhere, and I, I've often s- you know, like, I've often said, like, a, a monk is simply a traveler except the journey's within.

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:44 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 57:44 Like, that's the real travel.

Jada Pinkett Smith 57:45 That's the real travel.

Jay Shetty 57:46 And, and you don't need to. And, and what you just said so beautifully about stillness and, and the way you describe it and what you were saying that if I... You just said, if I... You said, "If I'm experiencing any pain, it's because of a belief."

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:01 Yes.

Jay Shetty 58:01 Right? It's because of a belief that I have, and that's so powerful. Like, that is so profound. And, and when you went a step further, it's like it has to be, what you said about intention with the universe, it has to be a request, not a demand. Usually, our question to the universe is not a question. It's rhetorical. It's like, "Why is this happening to me?"

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:23 [laughs] Right.

Jay Shetty 58:24 That's not stillness. That's not what you're saying.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:26 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 58:26 It's n- you, you're not... You know, when you're sitting there and you're just like, "Why is this happening to me? What's going on?" Like, "Why am I... Like, that's not stillness. That's not a question.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:34 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 58:34 A question is like, where's this pain coming from?

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:37 Yes.

Jay Shetty 58:37 Where's this belief-

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:38 Why? What is-

Jay Shetty 58:39 Why does this belief exist?

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:40 Show me.

Jay Shetty 58:40 Show me.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:41 I'm always-

Jay Shetty 58:41 It's, it's a-

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:42 Yes

Jay Shetty 58:42 ... with someone I was speaking to the other day, they, they called it an innocent request. Like, they, you know, it has to have that, that intention of that innocent request.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:50 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 58:51 Please tell me. Like, genuinely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:52 Just exactly.

Jay Shetty 58:53 Not like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:54 It's a-

Jay Shetty 58:54 Not like tell me.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:54 No. It's gotta be-

Jay Shetty 58:55 Tell me now.

Jada Pinkett Smith 58:56 Because that's that energy that closes us.

Jay Shetty 59:00 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:00 It has to be the most... The thing that I've realized in my journey is surrender.

Jay Shetty 59:08 So true.

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:10 Right?

Jay Shetty 59:10 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:10 And I'm only at a very elementary level of surrender, you know?

Jay Shetty 59:15 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:15 And trying to get to, uh... I'm, I'm, every day, Jay, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm trying to deepen my bow, you know, to, um, my heart, to the heart of others, to the highest, um, just trying to find those levels of surrender to bring me, um, the peace and the love within that I can share

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:45 with others, you know? And I think for me too, I've learned that love is not red. It's blue.

Jay Shetty 59:54 Tell us.

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:54 Love is really cool.

Jay Shetty 59:57 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 59:58 It's all fiery and passionate, you know?

Jay Shetty 1:00:00 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:01 It's like you get moments of that.

Jay Shetty 1:00:03 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:04 Right? You get moments of that, but if you expect your foundation, love has to be calm, gentle, and it has to have a certain stillness in order to really penetrate-

Jay Shetty 1:00:28 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:28 ... in a way in which you can embrace all the beauty and all that's ugly as well. And I think that people think love is supposed to just be beautiful-

Jay Shetty 1:00:42 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:42 ... and fluffy. Well, when we get to true love, yes.

Jay Shetty 1:00:45 [laughs] Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:47 It is.

Jay Shetty 1:00:48 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:48 All of it.

Jay Shetty 1:00:48 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:49 You can smile at it all.

Jay Shetty 1:00:52 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:52 Right?

Jay Shetty 1:00:53 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:53 That's what blue love gives you. Red love? All kinds of aversions

Jay Shetty 1:00:57 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:00:58 All kinds of, "Nah, not that. No, n- uh-uh, you can't be that"

Jay Shetty 1:01:02 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:02 "Uh-uh, that's not acceptable. Uh-uh"

Jay Shetty 1:01:04 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:04 It's got so many-

Jay Shetty 1:01:05 Restrictions and-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:06 ... conditions

Jay Shetty 1:01:06 Yeah, conditions, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:07 You know, I say blue love is the unconditional love-

Jay Shetty 1:01:10 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:10 ... and that's where I'm trying to live.

Jay Shetty 1:01:11 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:12 You know? And it's, it's, it's a headache getting there.

Jay Shetty 1:01:15 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:15 You know? But that's one of the reasons why I'm looking forward to our trip to India.

Jay Shetty 1:01:22 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:22 Um, you know, I'm, I'ma have to put my good, my big girl pants on because-

Jay Shetty 1:01:26 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:27 ... you know, India's one of those pl-

Jay Shetty 1:01:28 I could there [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:28 Yeah, I know. But, you know, India's one of those places that-

Jay Shetty 1:01:34 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:34 ... you gotta embrace it all. It's so, it's a lot of suffering. I mean-

Jay Shetty 1:01:38 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:38 ... I have a very, very difficult time-

Jay Shetty 1:01:44 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:44 ... looking at and being confronted with suffering.

Jay Shetty 1:01:47 Yeah, definitely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:49 And India has a special kind.

Jay Shetty 1:01:51 It does.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:52 Right?

Jay Shetty 1:01:52 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:53 And I am looking forward to that confront-

Jay Shetty 1:01:57 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:01:57 ... you know, because it's going to be that next place within me to be able to, that blue love I'm talking about.

Jay Shetty 1:02:09 Mm. Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:09 When you look at it and you understand that in the, um, in the, what I call the spiritual ecosystem-

Jay Shetty 1:02:18 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:20 ... there can be no aversion.

Jay Shetty 1:02:21 No, there can't.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:23 You know?

Jay Shetty 1:02:23 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:23 And so, you know, just being able to embrace it. But it, it, it also has shown me that that's where my codependency comes from.

Jay Shetty 1:02:30 Totally.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:31 Always trying to, uh, prevent suffering, you know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 1:02:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:35 It, and, and only to create it.

Jay Shetty 1:02:36 Yeah, exactly.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:37 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:02:37 Exactly.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:38 And only to create more.

Jay Shetty 1:02:40 That's so interesting.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:40 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:02:41 That is so interesting.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:42 Yep.

Jay Shetty 1:02:43 All of us wants to prevent suffering, but actually that is what ends up us creating more suffering. Wow, that is so... I never thought about it like that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:50 I've created a lot of suffering in my life-

Jay Shetty 1:02:53 Oh, yeah. Me too, yeah. That-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:54 ... with people-

Jay Shetty 1:02:55 I already said that

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:02:55 ... that I care about in trying to prevent their suffering

Jay Shetty 1:02:59 ... their suffering

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:00 ... only to create more.

Jay Shetty 1:03:01 Oh.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:02 Yeah, it's a pain. That, that, that's been a jagged pill to swallow for me, you know? But it, it's lessons, really painful lessons I've had to have in order to see my codependency.

Jay Shetty 1:03:13 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:13 I couldn't see it.

Jay Shetty 1:03:13 No. Yeah, there's no way.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:15 I was like, h- what, how do you hurt people by helping people?

Jay Shetty 1:03:17 Yeah, yeah. [laughs] Yeah, how does it make sense?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:19 Oh.

Jay Shetty 1:03:19 It doesn't.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:20 Let me show you. [laughs] Bow.

Jay Shetty 1:03:22 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:22 How does that feel?

Jay Shetty 1:03:23 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:23 Well, I don't like it.

Jay Shetty 1:03:24 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:25 There you go.

Jay Shetty 1:03:25 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:26 You know? Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:03:26 And, and that's the amazing thing about, about India, what you were saying, to, to go back a few steps, was, like, India's a place where nothing's hidden.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:35 Nothing.

Jay Shetty 1:03:36 You see someone being born on the street-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:40 Yep

Jay Shetty 1:03:40 ... and you see s- like, people dying and suffering on the street.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:43 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:03:43 And it's like nothing's hidden.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:44 And it's this extreme.

Jay Shetty 1:03:45 And it's the extremes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:46 You have the, the-

Jay Shetty 1:03:47 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:47 ... you know.

Jay Shetty 1:03:48 Yeah, definitely

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:49 ... beauty-

Jay Shetty 1:03:49 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:49 ... and rich and, you know.

Jay Shetty 1:03:51 Totally.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:51 In India, everything is right th- I mean the-

Jay Shetty 1:03:55 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:55 ... extremes of it all.

Jay Shetty 1:03:57 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:03:57 You know what I mean? And it, it, it's a lot for me.

Jay Shetty 1:04:02 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:02 It's a lot to have.

Jay Shetty 1:04:03 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:04 You know? But it's, it's, it's where my lesson-

Jay Shetty 1:04:07 Correct

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:08 ... you know? You're like-

Jay Shetty 1:04:09 Everything, everything we're trying to like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:10 Yes. We're trying to like, ay

Jay Shetty 1:04:11 ... like, like moonwalk away from.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:12 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:04:12 Like, you know? Yeah, like, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:13 You know? To just be able-

Jay Shetty 1:04:14 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:14 ... to walk in it and have it-

Jay Shetty 1:04:16 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:16 ... and, and embrace it.

Jay Shetty 1:04:16 At the right time.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:17 At the right time.

Jay Shetty 1:04:17 When it... Yeah, at the right time.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:18 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:04:18 We have to, we have to recognize that, too, that it's, again, the extreme point comes back to everything because it's like you can push things too far-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:25 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:04:25 ... and you can do things too soon.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:27 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:04:27 And, and the right time doesn't really exi- like, there's never gonna be a right time, but it is... You know, you have to take that sense check. And the more self-aware-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:34 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:04:34 ... you become, you know when you're stronger and readier-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:37 Yep

Jay Shetty 1:04:37 ... and you're prepared. And so how have you done this with Willow and Jaden? Because I think, you know, I've, I've had the fortune of spending some time with Willow.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:46 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:04:46 And she's an old soul.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:48 She is.

Jay Shetty 1:04:49 Like, she's incredible. And I've got to spend a little bit of time with Jaden.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:53 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:04:53 And I look at him more from afar and the work he's done.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:04:56 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:04:56 And I'm always telling you how impressed I am and how, how incredible it is to see the work he's doing, uh, for the world.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:02 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:05:03 And, and so for me, it's like, how did you... And, and again, like, and I know you don't see this way, and that's why I'm setting it up. It's like I'm not asking this from the point of view of like, "Jada, you're perfect, and how are the kids perfect?"

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:11 Oh, no.

Jay Shetty 1:05:11 Like, I'm not, I'm not asking from that perspective 'cause I know you wouldn't want that either.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:15 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:05:15 I'm asking it from the perspective of, like, when I met them, they seem like people who are curious. They're, they are knowledgeable for sure, far beyond their years, but they're experimenters. They're open. They're not s- they're not fearful. They're okay with getting it wrong. You know?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:31 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:05:31 There's, there's an openness to them and a, and a playfulness-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:34 Yes

Jay Shetty 1:05:34 ... in a, in a, in a good way. Uh, and, and I've just been deeply... And I wouldn't even use the word impressed. I think I've just been so in awe when I'm with them and, and just at the humans they are-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:44 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:05:44 ... and how they connect and interact. And, and so, I mean, of course you should be very proud that they're just such unbelievable... And th- this, we haven't even talked about their talents.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:51 No. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:05:52 But I'm talking about them as people.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:05:53 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:05:53 Like, how, how have you tried and how have you and Will tried so much to give them the values of curiosity, of gratitude, of love, of kindness? Because they're aspiring for these same things in their own ways.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:06 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:06:07 But they're aspiring for these same... They're not aspiring for other stuff-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:10 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:06:10 ... from the conversations I've had with them. Like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:12 No, they're

Jay Shetty 1:06:12 ... they're aspiring for what we're talking about now-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:14 They are

Jay Shetty 1:06:14 ... in their own way, in their own time.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:15 In their own way.

Jay Shetty 1:06:17 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:17 Um, I, I, I wish I could take credit for-

Jay Shetty 1:06:20 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:20 ... for all of that, but they, they really c- came to me. Um-

Jay Shetty 1:06:26 Wow

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:26 ... you know, they were given to me. My... Let me even change that. I've been... They were born through me.

Jay Shetty 1:06:37 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:38 They aren't mine.

Jay Shetty 1:06:39 Oh, beautiful. Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:41 Um, but they came like that.

Jay Shetty 1:06:43 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:44 You know? The, I, I would have to say a lot of that is the blessings of the highest-

Jay Shetty 1:06:49 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:06:49 ... you know? And, um, I will say that Will and I, in regards to the foundation that we created for Jaden and Willow, and I'll, I'll talk about Trey after, um- One of the gifts that my mother gave me, even in the chaos of addiction, was that she stood out of my way Yeah And I was allowed to self-actualize early. [sighs] Right? And try a lot of things out, you know, and, and, and, and, and, you know, win and fail by my own hand. Mm-hmm. And Will and I wanted to offer... We offered that to Willow and Jaden as well. They self-actualized- Yeah ... very early, right? I, my, my belief is the greatest gift you can give a child is to give them to themselves as fast as possible. [sighs] Right? And that's scary, too. It's- For a parent with the control- I've had a lot of s- With the trying to prevent suffering Yes. Yes I mean, that's why I asked it straight off, because I'm like- It's been... Yeah You know, and it's trying. As a parent. You know, it's been really trying. Mm-hmm. But you have to have the courage to be, you know, at, at, look at the, um... What are those little bumpers that are- [laughs] ... o- on the, in the bowling alley? Oh, yeah, yeah. Where you put the bumpers up. Yeah, yeah. So the ball's not gonna fall in the gutter. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? [laughs] Yeah, you're not gonna go that far. [laughs] Exactly, so as they were growing up- Mm-hmm ... just realizing how close the bumpers needed to be, and as they got older, just being able to move them further- Mm-hmm ... further- Mm ... further, further until now they're just... You, you, you c- Now they fill up. [laughs] Now they can play without them. You got it. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, um, trusting that the same, the same source does, that looked over me and has protected me is the same... So there's... Let me tell you something. There's no better parent. [laughs] And I got that firsthand. Yeah. So I, I, because of my experience, 'cause I was really parented by- Mm ... wh- when I didn't even know it. Yeah. When I think back on my childhood and the kind of crap- [laughs] ... I was into, how many times, how many situations I put myself in that would have, uh... Me being here is a miracle. Mm. And I'm not just saying that to be- Mm ... like on some whatever. Yeah, yeah. Right? That's real talk. Yeah. That goes for Will and I both. Yeah, yeah. Right? And so when I started to look at my life in that way and how I'd been protected and the harsh lessons I had been given, I was like, "Well, the source is a far better pa- [laughs] Fair ... parent than I ever could be. Yeah, yeah. [laughs] Let me just fall back. Yeah. [laughs] And just, you know, we gonna put these bu- Witness ... Right. Yeah ... and put these bumpers up and just witness, you know? Yeah. And, and the great thing is, is that when things get real for them- Mm ... they call us. Yeah, of course. And they ask. Of course. I- But they have that friendship with you They have a friendship with us both- Mm ... and a, and a real trust. Yeah. A real trust that I'm so grateful for, and I think it's because I never really treated my kids like children. I didn't even know how to do that because that's not how I was raised. Yeah. You know, I, I just didn't- You didn't... Yeah ... I didn't relate to them like that- Mm, mm ... 'cause I wasn't related to like that. Mm. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Like, my father at seven told me, "Hey, listen, I'm an addict, I'm an alcoholic, and I'm a criminal. I can't be your dad." Wow. At seven, right? And so I had a lot of respect for that 'cause I was like, "Okay, I know what it... Thank you." At seven. At seven. Seven. I was like, "Oh, okay. Okay, cool." It wasn't like, "Oh, I can't have my dad," right? Yeah. It was like, "Oh, I-" You said, "I know where you're at." "I know where I..." Right. He's, he's verbalized it. He verbalized it. He didn't play no games. I... And till my, till today, that's how I am. That's amazing. If you could just be straight up with me, we're good. That's amazing. You know what I mean? And so I did not play games with my kids. I didn't really know how to be a kid parent. Yeah. You know what I- You didn't test them the way like parents- I didn't like... Yeah, it wasn't like, who... You know, it was just like, "Hey, listen, we in this together." Yeah. "Mommy's gonna make some mistakes, you know what I'm saying?" Yeah. "So what's popping?" [laughs] "What's going on with you?" Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like- Yeah ... and I just kept them at my hip. Yeah. You... They went where I went. Yeah. They would, they were just at my hip constantly. Yeah. But I didn't do the like... I wasn't the soccer mom. Yeah. I wasn't like the... It was like, "Look, um, mom's got a gig in Australia. We're all packing up and going to Australia for a year, and you rolling with me." Yeah. "You're gonna be on set with me." [laughs] You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's just what it's gonna be. And they... You just at Mommy's hip. Yeah. They just... Uh, when I went on tour doing my metal music, "Hey, Mommy's going on tour." Yeah. "We about to be doing some metal stuff." [laughs] Yeah. [laughs] Wicked wisdom. Um, yeah, wicked wisdom. Yeah. Um, it's a new experience. [laughs] This is gonna be good for everybody. Um, you rolling with me. So you know, and just living life together. Yeah. You know? And allowing them to experience and express, um, and make decisions about their lives at very early ages. Even like Jaden's always been a night owl. Could never get him to go to sleep at a n- [laughs] You still can't. Yeah. [laughs] He would never lay down until I did. And as he got older and, you know, he'd be working or he had, um, school or what have you, I wasn't gonna fight him about going to bed at a particular time. I just wasn't. We would, we would negotiate how long he could play video games. [laughs] You know? I remember those conversations with my mom. Yeah. Yeah. [laughs] You know? But I would have to... I would go, "So you know," I said, "I want you to pay attention to your, um- Your level of energy throughout the day

Jay Shetty 1:13:16 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:17 ... you know, with you going, um, you go to bed whenever you want

Jay Shetty 1:13:20 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:21 But you have to be responsible for that.

Jay Shetty 1:13:23 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:23 So he would go to bed at- and then, you know, figure out his bedtime.

Jay Shetty 1:13:29 Totally.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:29 Right?

Jay Shetty 1:13:29 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:29 So it'd be even just little things like that-

Jay Shetty 1:13:31 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:31 ... at, like, eight, seven yea-

Jay Shetty 1:13:33 Let them, yeah, yeah [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:33 ... eight, seven years old. Or if there was a violation.

Jay Shetty 1:13:36 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:36 You know, not asking them, "What do you, what do you think we should do about... If, if you were the parent in this situation-

Jay Shetty 1:13:46 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:46 ... how would you handle-

Jay Shetty 1:13:47 Ah, I like that question. That's a great question

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:49 ... I told you off the video games at 8:00, you tried to be slick-

Jay Shetty 1:13:53 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:53 ... and you played till 9:00.

Jay Shetty 1:13:54 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:13:55 You violated our agreement. What would you do in my position?

Jay Shetty 1:13:59 Ooh. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:01 "Oh, Mommy, I think..." I'd probably, I'd probably tell my kid they couldn't play video games for two weeks.

Jay Shetty 1:14:11 [laughs] He just put himself into it.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:15 That works for me.

Jay Shetty 1:14:16 I love, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:16 Does that work for you?

Jay Shetty 1:14:17 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:18 "Yeah." I said, "Okay, are we in agreement? No video games for two weeks?"

Jay Shetty 1:14:23 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:23 "Yeah."

Jay Shetty 1:14:23 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:24 So also, instead of me putting boundaries in on them, teaching them how to do it for themselves.

Jay Shetty 1:14:29 Oh, wow. I love that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:30 Which I think is a big one.

Jay Shetty 1:14:31 That's huge. I mean, as an adult-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:33 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:14:34 ... most of us don't know how to put boundaries on ourselves.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:35 And not trying to put shame on mistakes.

Jay Shetty 1:14:37 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:38 That was another big one.

Jay Shetty 1:14:39 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:39 I hated being felt, I hated feeling like I had to have some kind of shame on mistakes I made as a child.

Jay Shetty 1:14:48 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:48 And so I really, I always told my kids, like, "Tell me the truth-

Jay Shetty 1:14:53 Mm-hmm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:54 ... and we gonna work it out."

Jay Shetty 1:14:55 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:14:55 And we always did, so I never had to, um, punish in a certain way. It was just like, "We're gonna talk about this and then I want you to tell me what boundaries you would put on, in on yourself-

Jay Shetty 1:15:08 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:08 ... in an honest way."

Jay Shetty 1:15:09 That's such a powerful way.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:15:11 There's so much self-development and self-growth in that for them already.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:15 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:15:15 I mean, that's, yeah, that, that's, I, I look at my parenting and my parents were always, how I describe them with me at least, like, until 14 it was, there was a lot of pressure. There was a lot of, uh, what's the right word? There was a lot of constraints-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:30 Right

Jay Shetty 1:15:30 ... in, like, what it, I was meant to be. And then I, when I turned 14, for whatever reason, I started to rebel and get stuff wrong and make my own mistakes and fight for my independence.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:40 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:15:40 And from that day on, my parents started to slowly back away and be supportive from a distance.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:45 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:15:46 And that's where my parents have been since that day, but that's 'cause my parents were waiting for me to be able to tell them that, "Hey, look, I'm ready now."

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:52 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:15:52 "I don't really want you to be that for me anymore."

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:15:56 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:15:56 "And, and I wanna make my own decisions." And so when people talk about, like, how is it becoming a monk or, like, doing this, it's like, actually it wasn't that hard because my parents were just supportive from a distance.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:04 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:16:04 They never really, they've never really tried to make my choices for me after 14. Up until that point, they were very involved.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:10 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:16:11 And then when they saw that, "Oh, he's not gonna listen. Like, he's not, you know, they're gonna let me..." And so it's interesting how... But I love what you're saying, this about self boundaries, self-discipline.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:21 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:16:21 'Cause that's what it is. It's called self-discipline.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:22 It's self-discipline.

Jay Shetty 1:16:23 Yet the only way you're disciplined is by someone else-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:25 Exactly

Jay Shetty 1:16:26 ... in your life growing up, so you never know what self-discipline means.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:29 It is.

Jay Shetty 1:16:29 But you've, you've actually helped your children learn self-discipline.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:32 Absolutely.

Jay Shetty 1:16:33 That's huge.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:34 And-

Jay Shetty 1:16:34 That's huge

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:34 ... you talk about at 14 your, your parents backing off.

Jay Shetty 1:16:38 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:39 Jayden at 15-

Jay Shetty 1:16:40 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:40 ... made a request to leave the house.

Jay Shetty 1:16:42 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:44 That was one of the most excruciating decisions I made in my life-

Jay Shetty 1:16:46 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:47 ... was letting him leave.

Jay Shetty 1:16:48 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:49 But I knew he needed it.

Jay Shetty 1:16:50 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:51 I knew, and I told Will, I said, "We'll be lucky to keep him in this house till he's 16." I knew that when he was three.

Jay Shetty 1:16:57 Yeah. [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:16:58 You know what I'm saying? And so-

Jay Shetty 1:16:59 I love that

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:00 ... at 15, and very respectfully-

Jay Shetty 1:17:06 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:06 ... was like, "It's time for me to go. I need to go out here and feel the rain."

Jay Shetty 1:17:11 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:11 And I knew he was right, and I had to let him go at 15. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:17:18 And that's always hard for a parent.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:19 It is.

Jay Shetty 1:17:19 I don't know what that feels like, yeah, so.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:21 Best decision I ever made.

Jay Shetty 1:17:22 Yeah. Still, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:23 I always knew that. I mean, I was in the rain at 12.

Jay Shetty 1:17:25 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:26 And I was like, "If he can't, if he can't survive the rain in Calabasas at 15-"

Jay Shetty 1:17:30 [laughs]

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:30 ... I was surviving the rain at 12 in Baltimore.

Jay Shetty 1:17:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:33 You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 1:17:34 Yeah, absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:35 And so I also love that I had the experiences that I had and the extremes that I had because I have been willing to allow my kids to engage in life in a certain manner without being utterly fearful.

Jay Shetty 1:17:56 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:17:56 Like, some parents, like, uh, people would say to me all the time, "You let him go at 15?" Like, yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:18:00 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:01 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:18:02 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:02 He had the resources.

Jay Shetty 1:18:03 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:03 He made his own money.

Jay Shetty 1:18:05 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:05 You know what I'm saying? It's like-

Jay Shetty 1:18:08 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:08 ... if he can't, if he can't survive in, in, in, you know, what's been created for him and what he's created for himself-

Jay Shetty 1:18:15 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:15 ... then-

Jay Shetty 1:18:16 That's a beautiful way of looking at it, yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:17 ... yeah, I'm like, he... I was like, I completely, utterly trust-

Jay Shetty 1:18:20 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:20 ... that he, he's got this.

Jay Shetty 1:18:22 Yeah, absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:22 And he did.

Jay Shetty 1:18:23 Yeah, exactly. He did, and he is.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:25 He is.

Jay Shetty 1:18:25 It's amazing.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:25 He's cool, you know?

Jay Shetty 1:18:27 Yeah. I love that. When I'm hearing you talk, and everyone who's listening to you talk, what I want everyone to realize today is what I love about when Jada shares about what she's going through and going through still and what we're working through and we're working together, it's like... And I, and I don't like using this 'cause it's so cliche. I'm trying to find better language for it so we can do it together, but it's like, it's the real deep work.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:48 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:18:48 Like, it's, it's not, this isn't, like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:50 The fluffy kind of-

Jay Shetty 1:18:51 It's not fluffy like self-care

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:53 ... yeah

Jay Shetty 1:18:53 ... like just tell yourself you love yourself every day. Like, it's not that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:18:56 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 1:18:56 Like, please do not... When, when Jada talked about self-care, if you've listened to this episode, you know it's not that.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:01 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 1:19:01 Like, this isn't just the, like, be nice to yourself.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:03 Right. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:19:04 Like, being nice to yourself means looking at all your demons and your-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:07 [laughs] Yes

Jay Shetty 1:19:08 ... and the pains and the ev-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:09 Yes

Jay Shetty 1:19:09 ... like, that's what it really means to be nice to yourself.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:19:11 Like, if you're being nice to this room, you clean it clearly. You go into every corner.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:15 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:19:16 You don't just say, "Oh, you're a beautiful room." You, you, you clean it and you purify it in every place. And when you talk about Red Table Talk as the table of purification-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:23 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:19:24 ... and the table of transparency, for me it's like what I see you doing is Everything you're doing, even Hala, you know?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:30 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:19:30 And so all the work that you're doing now is like it feels like you have infused all of what you've learned and grown in, and you're now trying to share it-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:38 Trying

Jay Shetty 1:19:38 ... through your work.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:39 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:19:40 No, but you're, I mean, beautifully sharing it. Like, I mean, the conversations you've had at the table, Hala, like all the work you're doing now, it's, it's just completely infused with purpose and with, with a desire to help, but not preach. You're not preaching. There's no, there's no like-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:54 I can't preach. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:19:56 You can. I mean, you can preach. You can preach.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:19:58 I was gonna say I can't do that.

Jay Shetty 1:19:58 You can definitely preach, but you're not, you're not doing it in that way. You're doing the most compassionate ki- Because I've only ever met this Jada.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:04 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:20:05 Right? So, so for me, when I'm looking at you, I am so... And that's what's always, and I said this to you, and I said it to Will when, you know, when we were together, I was like what, what you both do with your platform and the growth you've had and the incredible careers you have, but the fact that your heart is doing this, like to me, that's, that's what excites me so much. Like, that's what gives me so much faith and hope and, like, just, just so much, like, vigor to even do what I do-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:30 Right

Jay Shetty 1:20:30 ... when I see both of you do it, and I'm like despite everything, you could do anything you wanted right now. You could do anything, and you know that. You could do anything.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:37 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:20:37 You don't have to do anything. But you wanna do this.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:39 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:20:40 And that just shows how important it is.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:41 Yeah, I feel like-

Jay Shetty 1:20:43 You know what I mean?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:44 I just feel like, um, the more that we can share about our journeys, you know, it's like, because we're all journeying, you know-

Jay Shetty 1:20:57 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:20:57 ... at some capacity. And so it's just like I know that in my life when people had the courage to really talk to me-

Jay Shetty 1:21:05 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:21:06 ... and I'm saying really talk to me-

Jay Shetty 1:21:10 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:21:10 ... it helped change the trajectory of my life with a conversation.

Jay Shetty 1:21:17 Mm-hmm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:21:18 But it has to come from real places and experience. You know, Clarissa Pinkola has this, um, this saying, the, the, uh, the well-written upon woman, right? And I look at people in that way. It's like people sometimes are so shameful or feel-

Jay Shetty 1:21:42 Mm

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:21:42 ... so ashamed about experiences that they've had or, um, things that they've done or pitfalls and, um, I always say you have nothing to share if you haven't been through something.

Jay Shetty 1:21:54 Yeah, totally.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:21:55 You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 1:21:56 It would be such a boring story.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:21:57 Yeah, and it's like that's where we get the real deep lessons.

Jay Shetty 1:22:01 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:01 You know? And I had a friend of mine who's, who's going through a really bad divorce, and I was telling her, I was like, "Man, just know this. There are some really powerful blessings on the other side of pain."

Jay Shetty 1:22:16 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:16 "I promise you."

Jay Shetty 1:22:17 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:18 You know, if we're, if we're willing to embrace the experience in that way.

Jay Shetty 1:22:24 Absolutely.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:24 You know? So.

Jay Shetty 1:22:25 It's amazing.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:22:26 Thank you, Jada.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:26 Thank you, Jay.

Jay Shetty 1:22:27 You're an amazing interviewee. Is there, is there anything that I have not asked you that you wish I did?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:32 No.

Jay Shetty 1:22:32 And you're like, "Jay, if I was sitting here-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:36 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:22:36 ... I'd want you to ask me this," right? [laughs] 'Cause you're an amazing host and amazing interviewer, so I'm like, you know, but-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:39 Yeah, no, this has been great

Jay Shetty 1:22:41 ... no, thank you. We, we, we-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:41 It's always so great talking to you

Jay Shetty 1:22:43 ... all right. I mean, my conversations with you are by far some of my favorite conversations that we've had.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:49 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:22:49 And we've talked for hours.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:50 We have.

Jay Shetty 1:22:50 And so-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:50 We can go, that's for sure. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:22:52 Yeah, we can go. So we end every interview with a final five.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:55 Yep.

Jay Shetty 1:22:55 And these are rapid fire questions.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:22:56 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:22:57 So you have to answer in one word or one sentence maximum.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:00 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:23:01 So we're gonna find this hard-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:02 Okay

Jay Shetty 1:23:03 ... because we can talk.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:04 Got it.

Jay Shetty 1:23:04 And I also will go off on a tangent. So these are your final five.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:09 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:23:10 Uh, what's something you once took for granted that you value now?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:15 People.

Jay Shetty 1:23:17 Beautiful. Uh, what's the one question you ask yourself the most?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:22 Probably would be who are you?

Jay Shetty 1:23:24 Yeah. Beautiful.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:26 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:23:26 Okay. Question number three: what's the best advice you've ever received or read or heard or been given?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:33 Laugh now 'cause you're gonna laugh later.

Jay Shetty 1:23:36 Oh, okay.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:37 Ruby Dee.

Jay Shetty 1:23:38 Nice.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:38 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:23:38 I like it. Okay. Question number four: the worst advice you've ever received. [laughs] You're like this is a lot.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:44 The worst advice I've ever received is from myself. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:23:47 [laughs] That's how humble you are. That's beautiful.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:50 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:23:51 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:51 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:23:52 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:52 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:23:52 Anything that you say to yourself.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:54 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:23:54 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:54 It's like it's... I've given myself some of the worst advice.

Jay Shetty 1:23:58 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:58 Jesus.

Jay Shetty 1:23:59 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:23:59 Yeah, just like, uh, you know, going in, show them, you know-

Jay Shetty 1:24:04 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:04 ... who's boss. You know, whatever.

Jay Shetty 1:24:06 Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:06 Like all that, you know?

Jay Shetty 1:24:07 All that. Yeah, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:07 It's just the worst advice. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:24:09 Yeah. It is the worst. That's, that's, that's special though.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:24:12 That's special though that you can say that to yourself.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:14 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:24:14 That just shows. Most people will remember something bad they've been told, but-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:17 No

Jay Shetty 1:24:17 ... you went for yourself.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:18 I've given myself-

Jay Shetty 1:24:19 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:19 ... the worst advice. Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:24:22 I love that. And fifth and final question, if, if you could give everyone one practice or one habit that they should practice in 2020, every day, a daily practice or a daily habit, and a simple one, it can be anything, what would you want the world to do?

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:38 Stillness.

Jay Shetty 1:24:39 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:39 Any amount of stillness you can give yourself, whether it's five minutes, whether it's three hours.

Jay Shetty 1:24:43 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:45 Go someplace, be quiet.

Jay Shetty 1:24:47 Mm.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:24:47 Turn your phone off, turn off everything, and just sit in stillness so you can hear yourself, right? And if, the longer you stay, you will hear beyond yourself, right?

Jay Shetty 1:25:04 Yes.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:04 Into those higher... Reach into that higher, right?

Jay Shetty 1:25:10 Yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:10 But that would be my advice, just find the courage to be still.

Jay Shetty 1:25:15 That's beautiful.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:16 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:25:17 Love it. Thank you so much, Jada.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:19 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:25:19 Thank you. This has been so wonderful. Like, I, I feel like everything you shared today, again, as always, was just so open, so honest. You're so able to just go there and talk about all your beautiful paths that you've taken within, and thank you for taking us on the journey with you. But thank you for doing this. I'm just-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:37 Thank you for having me, Jay

Jay Shetty 1:25:39 ... so, so grateful to have you as a friend and so grateful to have these exchanges and for many more-

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:43 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:25:44 ... uh, to keep, you know, for a lifetime of working through all this purification. Purification's the best word.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:49 It is.

Jay Shetty 1:25:50 It's the best word. It's, it's not pain. It's not healing. It's purification.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:53 Purification.

Jay Shetty 1:25:54 Like, we need to, you know... But yeah, thank you so much.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:25:57 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:25:57 So grateful to you, and I know my audience is very grateful too, so.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:26:00 Well, thank you for having me.

Jay Shetty 1:26:02 Yeah. It's been, yeah.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:26:02 I, I love talking to you, and-

Jay Shetty 1:26:03 Yeah

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:26:04 ... um, this was a much needed conversation today.

Jay Shetty 1:26:08 Okay.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:26:09 And a nice way to start my day, Jay.

Jay Shetty 1:26:10 Oh, good.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:26:10 So thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:26:11 No, I'm glad.

Jada Pinkett Smith 1:26:12 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:26:12 That means the world to me. Thank you so much. If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like a Monk, from thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make sure you order today.