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Jessica Alba ON: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome & Perfectionism to Live Your Best Life

Jessica Alba sits down with Jay Shetty to talk about her struggles in the film industry as a woman of color, how pushing people to develop their potential doesn’t isn’t always a positive deed, coming to terms with the truth when people are…

Jessica AlbaguestJay Shettyhost

Aug 30, 202148mWatch on YouTube

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Transcript

45 min read · 8,525 words

0:00 – 5:04
Intro
1. JAJessica Alba
  Why not me? And why can't I be intelligent? Why do I feel so unworthy? I would say that that is still something I still struggle with. You know, when you don't see yourself in positions of power, even in entertainment, the way that, you know, you see women and you see people of color portrayed, that's how you're gonna see yourself in a way, in a lot of ways. That's how, and that's also more importantly, how other people will see you, and so they're going to treat you accordingly, and you just kind of have to break through. [upbeat music]
2. JSJay Shetty
  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I'm so proud of the amazing community that we've developed over the last two years, and I appreciate all your reviews, all your comments on Instagram, and everything that you share with your friends and family. Now, today's guest is someone who was actually on my original list that I wanted to interview when I first launched the podcast two years ago. I've been a big fan of hers throughout her whole career and all the different transitions that she's been through. I'm speaking about none other than Jessica Alba. Jessica, thank you so much, uh, for joining the podcast today and for doing this with me. I'm genuinely so happy to be with you.
3. JAJessica Alba
  Thank you for having me. It's an honor to be here.
4. JSJay Shetty
  Well, yeah, I know it's been a tough 12 months, and I, I wanted to start by just saying, you know, I, I hope that you're well. I hope your family's well. I know that your family struggled with COVID quite a lot at this time, and, you know, I'm sending my best wishes and my love, and just wanted to make sure everyone's okay. And would you be kind enough to share with us how you and your family have been able to cope through this very difficult time and having so many people being affected?
5. JAJessica Alba
  I basically [laughs] got it from being in a small juice shop, [laughs] and, uh, there was one other person in there that was sick, obviously, and, uh, and so that's how I got it. And I was one of those fortunate cases where it wasn't, um, you know, severe symptoms. Uh, but, uh, and it, it, you know, truly isolating and being careful and wearing a mask, um, really does, uh, keep other people safe, and even in my own home, that's, that was the case. You have to wear a mask around especially elderly people. Um, and you, and you just have to be safe, and you just have to get vaccinated. Um, so it's not worth it, [laughs] I can say, like, just based off of the, what happened to my family. It's just not worth it. And, and, and if, if you can get vaccinated, I highly recommend it, um, just to, in any way, keep yourself from getting as sick as people did in my family.
6. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Well, we're sending our prayers and love to you, Jessica, and everyone in your family, and, and everyone in-
7. JAJessica Alba
  Thank you
8. JSJay Shetty
  ... who's listening and watching who also lost someone during this time. And, you know, I've shared some of my stories on the podcast of people that I lost as well, so thank you for sharing that really important message, Jessica, as well from, from your experience. You know, you've played so many roles in your life. You know, you're an actor, you're an entrepreneur, you're a mother, you're a, a family person. Like, you're, you play so many roles. What I'm interested in is which one of these roles has created the greatest growth and development in your life? Which role has had the biggest impact on you as an individual, Jessica?
9. JAJessica Alba
  I would say all of it, right? Base- Every stage of my life, um, I feel like I've always had... I think you w- you have to have the mindset or, or the mental for ev- you know, wanting to evolve and wanting to get better, and I think I was just born with that, right? Um, and I also was, pretty early on, I had a consciousness about purpose, and un- and this, this feeling that, you know, we're all here for a reason. Um, life is precious, and at any moment, right, it can go. Um, or you're here. And so what are you gonna do with the life that, that you're given the opportunity to live? So as far back as I had any sort of real understanding of, of myself and a consciousness, I felt like I had a, I had a purpose. I didn't know what it was. I came from very simple, humble, um, family, and, uh, you know, I, what I've done in my life and what I've, I've achieved was in no way, shape, or form given to me, handed to me. I mean, I think if anything, there was nothing but blocks and challenges and walls and reasons why I shouldn't dream or even have the audacity to think that I could become anything. Every stage I, of every piece of my
5:04 – 8:20
Which role has had the most impact in your life?
1. JAJessica Alba
  life, I f- I feel like I'm always looking to be better and do better. So when I actually got the opportunity to be an actress at the age of 12, and, um, I started working on the re- on a regular basis, um, I would, you know, w- I prayed a lot, you know, whether it's God or spirit or whatever it is that people pray to, um, I felt like if I could just channel, like, I wanna do good. I know I'm here to do good. I'm not sure what that end goal is, but I promise that if I get any breakthrough, um, I will do good with, with my success, and I always attributed success with, with being able to do good. And, uh, and then when I became a mom, um, you know, that really, my sense of self and I would say my insecurities as a person, um, over silly things, um- Really sort of kept me, I think, from fully realizing my potential before I became a mom. But when I became a mom, those insecurities sort of went away, and, and I think it unlocked a piece. And then having a successful business also, um, unlocked another piece.
2. JSJay Shetty
  For me, that is such a beautiful foundation to start anything from because it's so open. I think often we start thinking that a purpose is something specific, and it's dialed in, and it's focused, and there's a clear goal. And often that can actually take us away from that innocence, and that joy, and that impact. Where do you think that came from for you? Was it your parenting? Was it something you experienced as a child? Where did that intention to do something good come from and that desire to have a positive impact come from?
3. JAJessica Alba
  You know, I think because it was such a struggle and so hard for my parents, they were young when they had me, and every day was a very... W- it was a very kind of tumultuous environment just because they were in survival mode every day, struggling to get by. And they also didn't have necessarily the maturity or the tools to have context, so it, it's like they were, they were just kind of, like, grabbing at anything, right? And, and they were constantly sort of, like, getting in their own way or... You know, it was just a lot. Um, and their relationship is very much like they love to fight and make up, fight and make up, fight and make up, and that's their dynamic, right? Um, and you know, it, it, it was, uh, confusing for me as a kid because I didn't know that that was their, their dynamic, you know? And I also didn't know that, like, I think I just wanted, uh, peace, and I wanted security, and I wanted a sense of, um, financial security to mean meant that, uh, you could then have peace and not be so stressed out. Um, and so I think that to me was like, how are some people born into families where it's not like this and, and others are? And then given just, you know, I can't do anything
8:20 – 11:40
When you’re a teenager with a child, what opportunities will you have?
1. JAJessica Alba
  about the circumstance I was born into, how can I sort of, like, change that narrative or create the life that I, that I felt, um, you know, I wanted to live? Um, and I think in the process of wanting a different way to, to operate, right? Um, I also knew that, like, my parents in a lot of ways were just sort of, like, products of certain systems. When you have to support a family, how can you sort of, like, get ahead? Um, and they were learning as they were going, you know? It's sort of like flying the plane and fixing it [laughs] at the same time. Um, and so, you know, they, they did the best they could and, um, you know, I have a lot of... It wasn't until I became a parent, I think, that I had... I really understood how difficult it was for them, um, just being so young and not necessarily having the tools and not having, you know, their, a, a setup, right? To thrive.
2. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, no, I, I, I couldn't agree with you more. We did a podcast last year, and it was called The Six Reasons You Need to Develop the Emotional Skills Your Parents Didn't Have a Chance to Develop. Because the idea is they didn't have that opportunity. They didn't have the hindsight. They didn't have the experiences. Do you find that as being a parent, that you're able now to show your children, like, this balanced view of peace and obviously anxiety and stress and pressure and all the incredible things that you're achieving because you're a high performer, you're extremely busy? Are you, are you kind of having that conversation with them so that they understand you a bit more? Tell us a bit about that.
3. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah, there's, there's definitely a, like, a wokeness or a, a, a self-awareness that happens when people... It's like before it was only the select few that get to be global citizens, where now, uh, because of, you know, w- access that people have to information, we all are global citizens. There is, um, access to so much information about how to do things better and be better and be more effective, be happier, right? Um, and so, you know, like this podcast, right? There wasn't this podcast [laughs] when my parents were, you know, young. There were- We live now in a culture where, um, so many, so much of the stuff that just wasn't sort of serving humanity has been broken down and there's this generation, um, that's sort of thinking through, like, I guess sort of like, yes, we built these civilizations based off of, like, necessity, a lot of these things that are power and ego-driven, right? Um, but now we're in a place where it's, uh, more about compassion, mindfulness, right? Openness, and that's how we're going to thrive and, and, you know, continue to thrive as, as a human race. Um, and, and so I think, you know, for my
11:40 – 15:19
Showing your children a balanced view of peace, anxiety, and pressure
1. JAJessica Alba
  kids, I try to exemplify, uh, whatever that is and, and at the same time, you know, they are very aware of my faults, right? They're very aware that I, you know, get stressed and I, you know, get irritable, and I don't sleep enough, and all of those things. Um, but you know, we have a, we have a dialogue about it and, and you know, I try to create a space of compassion. Um, obviously- For, for them, but also, you know, just for them to, to sort of like know that I'm trying, I'm at least trying, you know?
2. JSJay Shetty
  It's a wonderful thing. I think if children know that you're trying... Like you said, kids are so self-aware. I don't have children yet, uh, with my wife, but, but we plan on having them, and it's... I, I can only look at it from seeing my friends or having been a child myself and always wondering like, you know, kids are so aware, but if you make them a part of the dialogue and they, they feel like you're honest with them and everything that you just mentioned, I think that creates such a... It creates a healthier, honest space and an open space, rather than an unhealthy environment where there seems to be too much hierarchy or too much control or too much limitation. You said creating an environment of compassion. I think, you know, for children to grow up in an environment where they can be compassionate on themselves, too, I, I think that is such a, you know, that's such a brilliant, brilliant energy to grow up around. I, I wonder, Jessica, when you were going through transitions, because wh- when I look at your work and your career and your journey and your purpose, there've been so many transitions along the way. Uh, which transition made you feel the most insecure, a sense of Imposter Syndrome? I feel these are things that people-
3. JAJessica Alba
  [laughs]
4. JSJay Shetty
  People struggle with that so much-
5. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah
6. JSJay Shetty
  ... today. People are-
7. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah
8. JSJay Shetty
  ... you know, everyone's trying to, I think everyone's been trying to switch their career. They're trying to become something they didn't train to be. They're... And, and I feel like you'd have some really good words of advice.
9. JAJessica Alba
  That's the story of my life. [laughs]
10. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. [laughs]
11. JAJessica Alba
  Um, I felt like I had Imposter Syndrome always, uh, in everything, at every stage. Uh, from like, you know, going to school with kids who I, you know, when I got out of the, when we got out, out of the military, uh, when I was nine, we moved into my grandparents' house, and it was like a predominantly white m- you know, middle class, uh, suburb, and there just weren't people that looked like us. You know, we were living in my grandparents' house. That was like a very different circumstance than most people. Most people had like, you know, uh, domestic help, and they had like all the things, and their parents were, had, you know, these established careers and were a little bit older and, um, and they were, you know, mostly white. And so coming from like, uh, with us, you know, I'm, we're living, my grandparents would stay with us half the week and, you know, my parents are, in a way, like children when they're around the parents, right?
12. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
13. JAJessica Alba
  And then we're the children as well.
14. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
15. JAJessica Alba
  So there was like this very different... So I felt like an Imposter Syndrome there for sure, and then when I started acting, I was like, you know, I guess I always felt like maybe I did, I, I guess I felt like I didn't belong, and Hollywood didn't make space for people that look like me or were me, you know? They'd called me, um, exotic, right? It was like even the word, uh, Mexican American or like, you know, uh, Latina, like that was like such a specific thing to
15:19 – 21:41
Feeling like you don’t belong because of your skin color
1. JAJessica Alba
  be that, and it was like not me. And I was like, "Wait a minute, but there's a lot of people that [laughs] are like me that are here, you know, um, in this country." But it's just Hollywood didn't recognize it, and so I didn't even have a place in Hollywood. And I remember, um, twice, uh, um, presenting at the, uh, at the Oscars, and I just felt so uncomfortable backstage. I was like, "I just want to get up. I just want to do the thing, and I just want to leave."
2. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
3. JAJessica Alba
  And I was like... And I was with my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, and I was like, "Oh my God." And, and I, there were a few actors that could tell how sort of nervous I was, and they were so sweet. And then I jumped into being an entrepreneur, and again, I'm in rooms where I'm the only woman. I've never done this before. Everyone has like, you know, fancy degrees, um, from business schools and Ivy Leagues. And, uh, I've, you know, never had a desk job, didn't do any of that. I stopped. I got my GED, and I, you know, um, started working so young. And so I'm sitting here, um, again, trying to find my way, and about three years into Honest, I learned the operations of the business completely. And in all the meetings where my, you know, business partners were like, "No, no, no, you do the, the, that thing, and we're gonna do this thing," and I, uh, basically said, "No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna learn," and I learned. Um, and then I challenged them with stuff-
4. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
5. JAJessica Alba
  ... that didn't make sense. And then I was like, "You know what? I'm, maybe, maybe I do belong, and maybe I am smart, and maybe I do deserve to be here. Um, and maybe people are just judging me b- based off of like their own insecurities," you know? But it took me quite a bit to sort of like get to that place. And at that point I, I was like 30... So you're 33. I think I was like 34 when it all kind of like started to come together, and I had two kids by then. [laughs] And, uh, two careers, you know? And, and it took me a hot minute, you know?
6. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. That's amazing. Well, I, I think that's a great lesson for all of us in patience around, you know, we are gonna feel that Imposter Syndrome, we are gonna feel that insecurity. And what I'm, what I'm hearing from you is it's not really like, "Oh, this is what I did, and this broke it through, and this is what I did." It was more just you had to be patient with yourself, and you had to allow it to naturally develop when you found your home in Honest and your kind of like sacred space in creating Honest that feels like such a strong foundation to, to who you are today and such a, the bigger part of your story and a big part of your story.
7. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah, it wasn't like an overnight. It was sort of like-
8. JSJay Shetty
  Yes
9. JAJessica Alba
  ... along the way. And then when I started like making space for like- Why not me? And why can't I be intelligent? Why do I, why do I feel so unworthy, you know? Or I don't deserve this. Um, and, you know, I think over the years I'm still- I mean, I, I would say that that is still something I still struggle with. You know, when you don't see yourself in positions of power, in, um, even in entertainment, the way that y- you know, you see women and you see people of color portrayed, that's how you're gonna see yourself in a way, in a lot of ways. That's how- and that's also more importantly, how other people will see you. And so they're going to treat you accordingly, and you just kind of have to break through
10. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. And, and I guess that's what you're saying, that confidence is just built on not thinking about what everyone else is saying or thinking or believing.
11. JAJessica Alba
  Who cares?
12. JSJay Shetty
  That's, that's literally the only-
13. JAJessica Alba
  Exactly
14. JSJay Shetty
  ... thing that breaks you through. Yeah.
15. JAJessica Alba
  'Cause they're just products of their own stuff.
16. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
17. JAJessica Alba
  Right?
18. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Everyone's living in their own echo chambers, and their own ceilings, and their own... Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I- obviously, you called your company The Honest Company. I was interested to ask you something I, I hope you've never been asked before, but the- around the idea of, you know, what's the most difficult thing you've had to be honest with someone about? You know, what, when, when has it been most difficult to be honest with someone? Because it's such a beautiful value and beautiful quality, but at the same time, it can be a really hard quality to practice. Uh, and I don't just mean in your company, I mean, just generally, like, tell us how you handle that when you have to really be honest with someone, but it's, it's a challenge.
19. JAJessica Alba
  I've learned, I think, over the years how to, um, probably starting with myself, um, it's like that inner dialogue of how you talk about yourself, um, and how you sort of, like, treat yourself, um, and give space for yourself. And when I started speaking honestly to myself and being real with myself in a kind way, it, it helped, um, then me do that with everyone around me, right? Um, but when I'm, my inner dialogue is so, like, boom, boom, boom, like harsh, then that kind of- that's the way the honesty comes out, right, with, uh, the way that I communicate and interact with other folks. Um, it's, it's a beautiful value, to be honest, but I think it can be, like you said, tough to take when it's delivered, um, through the lens of harshness. Um, what, what has been har- what has- who's been or what's been the most difficult thing about honesty? I mean, I don't know. I, I actually really love honesty and for me, it's sort of the starting point to being able to then move forward. If you're not- if you don't have that clarity of honesty of, of any situation or circumstance, then you're just living in a delusion. Um, you know, then it's hard to, like, grasp. You're sort of on shaky ground. Feels like a solid foundation to then move from.
20. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, absolutely. No, I, I couldn't agree with you more. I love the idea of the more honest we are with ourselves, the easier it is to be honest with others. And I think
21:41 – 24:36
When is it the most difficult to be honest to someone?
1. JSJay Shetty
  honesty is something that we often say we want, but then when we receive it, we're like, "No, no, no, don't tell me that," you know? It's, we, we kind of have this, uh, like you said, the double-edged sword is a perfect way of describing it as a value and quality because often people will say, "Oh, I wish people were more honest with me. I wish people would tell me the truth." But then when they hear the truth or someone's honest with them, it's quite hard to, to take it in, even if it's-
2. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah, yeah. So you're saying... It's interesting, like you, I, I, I've heard you talk about when you were in the corporate world, you got a coach, and you probably had to see yourself in a very honest way, in a way that you probably never saw yourself before, and that is super humbling-
3. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
4. JAJessica Alba
  ... 'cause I've done the same. [laughs] You know, the professional... 'Cause it's sort of like a therapist, but it's mixed with we're going to... Therapy sometimes feels like it's an endless sort of winding road, and da, da, da. This is like therapy with a goal. [laughs]
5. JSJay Shetty
  Coaching in the corporate world is definitely more forward-facing, it's more building, it's more development, and it's taking you somewhere. And I've, I've always been grateful to surround myself with coaches and experts and mentors in specific areas so that they can be honest with me with the area that they are knowledgeable in or have wisdom and experience in. Have you found good mentors in your life? How did you find them? Or do you find that you've had to kind of learn along the way? What's been your journey with that, with coaching mentors and outside help and support?
6. JAJessica Alba
  It's weird, like when I put the energy out there that I'm open to learn and I have, like, an awareness of, like, something that needs to be worked on, it's like the universe brings them in. They bring in the people or the circumstances or the relationships or the conversations, right? And it's not just one thing, it's sort of multiple things, right? It could be, like, a pattern that, um, my daughter and I are having. Uh, and then it's also, like I have a conversation with a friend who's, you know, going through an illness, and it hits it there again. And then, um, I go to the doctor, and my doctor brings up the same thing, you know? And you're just like, "Okay, the dots are connecting."
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. JAJessica Alba
  S- the, the spirit guides are coming in and helping me here. [laughs] Um, you know, whatever that is, God, a spirit, um- And so y- I think, you know, if you're open to being better and evolving, th- the universe will align to bring you, uh, all of those teachers, right? And I think there's also, like, you, you talk about meditation, but there's also whatever that meditation
24:36 – 26:01
We always want honesty but when we’re presented with the truth, it’s difficult to accept
1. JAJessica Alba
  is for someone just to like give yourself the space to sort of like sit and, um, and try to focus on that, um, on, on sort of like the, the stillness, which is very hard for, I think, type A people [laughs]
2. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, yeah, yeah
3. JAJessica Alba
  ... to like be still. [laughs]
4. JSJay Shetty
  Well, you, you sound like a... I, I mean, from what you're sharing, you sound completely like a spiritual type A person, uh, in a good way, in a, in a good way.
5. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah.
6. JSJay Shetty
  And, you know, I can hear that. You know, while you've been speaking, the language you use just so naturally flows between spirit and strategy and effort-
7. JAJessica Alba
  [laughs]
8. JSJay Shetty
  ... and energy. Like, you know, it's like you're, you're in between both of those. Like, you've used words and language from both a spiritual and a strategic sense, and I wonder where that, you know, being that little girl at 12 years old who was, who was praying and didn't know even what to and saying, "Oh, I hope I can do good in the world," like, now that you've seen the universe, God, whatever you wanna call it, reciprocate with you and you've felt that, how much more strength does that give you in that process? I wanna hear a bit about maybe that spiritual side that you shared earlier on. When you've seen that being returned in you trying to do good, how does that feel?
9. JAJessica Alba
  It sort of like reassures me, um, that like
26:01 – 28:30
Accepting life coaches and outside help
1. JAJessica Alba
  the journey is real and those sort of like trusting my gut, um, and having, um... It's sort of like putting in the work, um, then when the opportunities arise, you can then be there and be ready for it, but you have to put in the work and prepare. Um, and so I think I was so focused on putting in the work, and I never knew. I was like, "Are the opportunities ever gonna arise?"
2. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
3. JAJessica Alba
  You know, who knows?
4. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
5. JAJessica Alba
  Um, but it's true that when you put in the work and you're trying, you will get those, those, um, opportunities, um, to progress and, and, um, and, and doors will open, um, if you're being honest with yourself, right, um, and being authentic. And so for me, I think I... Before, it was sort of like, "I think this is it."
6. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
7. JAJessica Alba
  "I think this is how this works," where now I'm like, "I know this is how this works." So then f- it, it gives me sort of peace of mind that also it doesn't have to be such a grind and such a struggle. Um, and my world used to be very black and white, and I live much more in the gray area now.
8. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
9. JAJessica Alba
  Um, and um, and where I was like all or nothing, um, I'm trying to be a bit more soft in my approach, um, and more of a warm hug than a s- a strong punch [laughs]
10. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
11. JAJessica Alba
  ... which is what I used to be. [laughs] So-
12. JSJay Shetty
  Do you, and do you think that's natural in like the journey of like building something to then having built something successful, of course? Do you think that's natural? Do you think that that transition of that hard punch to that warm hug, as you said it, feels like a natural transition, and it kind of has to go in that order, or do you feel not everyone has to do it that way? Is that-
13. JAJessica Alba
  I don't think people have to do it that way.
14. JSJay Shetty
  Right.
15. JAJessica Alba
  That was just my way, right?
16. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, yeah.
17. JAJessica Alba
  I- it's your life circumstance, right, and, and your fight or flight mode and your survival, uh, sort of instincts that is really sort of like how you cope or, or deal with things. I appreciate what got me here, but I know it's not gonna take me to that next stage. Um, and I don't think everyone's journey is the same, but I do think that
28:30 – 31:44
When you put in the work, you will get those opportunities
1. JAJessica Alba
  anyone who seeks to be successful in life has to have relentless perseverance.
2. JSJay Shetty
  As someone who's so energetically focused, as someone who's so present with yourself in what you're creating and the energy you wanna put out, what do you think are some of the things that you want the people around you to gain from you, learn from you, whether it's your children, whether the people that work with you on a day-to-day basis? What are the, some of the, some of the, uh, exchanges and values that you're hoping that you can give out to people?
3. JAJessica Alba
  I don't know. [laughs] I, I feel like I've never... I, maybe I- I'm not there yet. It's, I actually, listening to you and, and you... I mean, I, l- let's put it this way. I feel uncomfortable even saying that I have fans. Um, and I'm in entertainment, and that's like a normal, you know... And I, I don't know, it just makes me feel like, "Wait, what?" Being forward, uh, or progressive or thinking ahead of like what is the impact that I wanna have on people that are around me on, on the daily, uh, is, is maybe like my next, my next thing to think about [laughs]
4. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
5. JAJessica Alba
  ... or process 'cause I just, I feel like, I don't know, I've been so focused on all of the other things. I, I think the thing that I do intuitively is I see people's potential, and I see who they could be, um, and not... And, and, and I think I'm learning how to deliver that when people are ready 'cause people aren't always ready for it, right? People aren't always like ready to b- To, or, or willing or wanting even to reach their full potential or to be their, their best self. And, and, but I see sort of like the, the shining bright light of, of someone's potential, and it's so clear to me when I see people that that's what I see in them. I see this other side of themselves and, and I interface with them in that way. Um, but that isn't always like what they're actually ready for. Um, so, but I, um, I think I n- I'm learning how to be a little bit more self-aware, to only talk to people about [laughs] that when, um, when they're, when they want it, instead of just like, "Here's what you should do with..." You know? Um, 'cause it can be a little bossy as well.
6. JSJay Shetty
  That's a wonderful and honest answer. And, and I d- I didn't want anything else. I honestly just wanted to know how you felt about that. And so, you know, hearing that that's what you want to work on next, and that's what you're trying to grow now and develop now, I mean, you know, I think that's so wonderful for our audience to hear because I think w- we're all going step by step. We all have things to work on, and if
31:44 – 35:52
Seeing people’s potential and learning to help them reach their full potential
1. JSJay Shetty
  that's the next thing that you're focusing on, that's, that's brilliant, and I don't think it's... I don't think we're always fully conscious. I think there is this expectation, and that's what I'm loving so much about this conversation, is that there's often an external expectation that someone has everything figured out, and everything's perfect, and everything's going on. And we obviously know that's not true, but, but often that's the perception. And, and to just hear that, "Hey, I'm trying to figure this out, and I'm learning about this, and, and this is what I'm listening to," I think that is just such a healthy thing for people to hear. Does that make sense?
2. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think people will see your life through their lens and through their experience without having the context of what you go through and your consciousness, right, as you operate in the world. Um, you know, I look at like Jeff Bezos, and I'm like, "That guy's got it figured out," you know?
3. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
4. JAJessica Alba
  Like, he seems really happy. He's going to space. Or Richard Branson, you know? And I'm like, they're, they're so accomplished. They've like, multiple times have gotten hit after hit after hit of like goodness in business. And they also are like, you know, doing good with their platform. You know, like, it's like they... It... I don't know. I... And so for me, I guess I could see how through my experience I, I project onto others, and so I could see how that could happen.
5. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. I, I love hearing that, you know, at every stage we're all projecting onto someone else. And, and I'm sure, I don't know Jeff Bezos, but I'm guessing that you can do it in business, and then now you're looking at another industry, and you're looking at an athlete, or you're looking at an actor or a musician or-
6. JAJessica Alba
  But he's also just like a very like, he feels like a very joyful person, just like a happy guy.
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. JAJessica Alba
  You know? [laughs] And that's like, to me, I'm like, I love seeing happy people. I'm like, yes.
9. JSJay Shetty
  I will let you know once we have him on the podcast, definitely. I'll, uh, I'll f- uh, I'll let you know. But, uh, tell me, tell me about have you ever struggled with or have you ever worked through perfectionism? I feel like being a perfectionist is something that happens in art, it happens in business, it happens as a CEO, as an entrepreneur. Tell us a bit about that, because I think my audience and community o- often ask me this, and I'd love to hear your opinion on this. It's, yeah, like I'm struggling with, you know, being a perfectionist and getting things perfect and getting things right. Tell us about your journey with perfectionism.
10. JAJessica Alba
  I am 100% a detail-oriented perfectionist. Um, but I would say that oftentimes that's used as an excuse to not actually do anything, because you're constantly tweaking something before you, um, just do it, um, and commit. And my, uh, my partner at Honest, my CEO, he dropped this really amazing nugget like early on, like a month into, uh, us working together and when he came on to be, um, the CEO of Honest. And he was like, um, y- it's the 80/20 rule. Like it should be 80% there, and you know, 20% whatever. It's not right, it's not totally buttoned up, but you're going to learn so much once you put it out there, and you're gonna have to sort of be malleable enough to sort of like tweak and change as you go, um, from there. But you just have to like put it out there and, and try it, um, before you even really know. 'Cause you could be perfecting and, and you know, all these details matter so much, but then you put it out there and you were putting all of your energy into the wrong thing, right? No one cares at the end of the day about all those things that you cared so much about. Um, and so, um, I think, I think you should be a, a detail-oriented person, and you should have a point of view, and you should have like conviction about your point of view. 'Cause you know, we're not robots, right? That's what matters. Um, but at
35:52 – 37:19
People will see your life in their own lens
1. JAJessica Alba
  the end of the day it can't hinder you from, um, putting yourself out there or trying something or innovating, you know?
2. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think, I think that's a great piece of advice. And hearing that early on I'm sure made a big difference, uh, to your path and to your journey. And you know, just a couple of seconds ago you said you love, you love happy people. Uh, and I was wondering what you think, uh, some habits that you've seen in the happy people that you've known, the people that you've met around you in your own life, what are some of the happy habits that you think happy people have, habits that you have? You seem happy, uh, from, from my perspective and in this conversation. You've laughed a ton and smiled a ton, and you know, you're not taking everything too seriously and allow yourself... So tell me a bit about what are the- Uh, happiness habits that you think that you've practiced and ones that you've seen even in the people around you that you, you admire and aspire for.
3. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah. It's interesting. Like, to me, happiness s- is more like an, like it looks like a glow, like an energy. It's more of like an energy, uh, for me, association. Like, children are very, you know, they're like these bubbles of light. You know? They just sort of like ... You can see these little, like, l- light auras. [laughs] You know? You can see their aura, just these like golden, bright white
37:19 – 39:47
Perfectionism is used as an excuse to not do anything
1. JAJessica Alba
  lights of, of ... You can see that happiness, right? And you can feel when someone is just, like, cool with themselves and just happy, and they emit this positive energy. We're all energy, right? That's science, right? We're- there's- we're all negative and i- and, and, and, uh, positive energy, but if you are putting more positive, that's what's going to emit from you, your sort of energy field, right? Um, and, uh, you know, there's like ... It was interesting. My, my niece, um, when she was 10 or 11, she was, did something for the science fair, and she's like a devastatingly beautiful girl and, like, wickedly talent- talented, but she's very shy. Um, and she did this science experiment that she got into, like, some science fair, and she basically took two plants, and one plant she gave loving words to, and the other plant she said hateful words to. And in, like, a few days, the same plant treated the same way with the same water, same light, everything, the one with the negative, um, energy or, you know, the negative words, it, it died. Like, it literally was like it, the soil dried up. It died. It was done. And the other one was, like, growing, like flourishing. And, um, it, it's just so true that you emit this, uh, such positivity and love, right? So happiness to me looks like love and light. Um, and I, I don't know. Sometimes people are just quiet, and you can see it.
2. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Yeah. I think you're right. I think you're right, and I, I love that, I love that she chose to do that experiment. That, that sounds ... That's amazing. What a wonderful experiment to do and, uh-
3. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah, for like a little girl, too. You know?
4. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
5. JAJessica Alba
  It's really cool.
6. JSJay Shetty
  It's such a, such a special experiment, and to kind of get that proof so early on in life that energy's real and what we say to ourselves is real and what we say to others is real. You, you said earlier, and, and I love this answer that you gave when I asked you about, you know, what energy do you wanna give out to people, and you, you actually flipped it on its head, and it was a great answer, is that you were like, "Well, actually, I just notice potential in people." And, and I was wondering, when you see someone who you see potential in, but they don't see potential in themselves, how do you respond to
39:47 – 43:11
If you’re putting in more positive energy, that’s what you're going to emit
1. JSJay Shetty
  that? I'm sure you meet people like that all the time, where you see that-
2. JAJessica Alba
  I used to be relentless about pushing people towards it, and they then built up a sort of defense with me because it was like they weren't ready for it. And so I've learned over the years to maybe keep it, to just keep it to myself and kind of, like, nudge people and more, like, ask questions and let them come to it themselves. 'Cause, like, the more they feel, like, it was their idea and you just sort of, like, serve up the prompts for them to sort of think about it and reflect on it, um, and they're either gonna bite and be into it or they're not.
3. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
4. JAJessica Alba
  And that's their journey. And, like, even though you know they're not happy, even though you know they're stuck, even though you know, like, it could be so much better, but if that's their life choice, you kinda have to also respect the journey. You know?
5. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, definitely. You, you've said a few times, another, another pattern that I'm hearing is, you know, and, and I really appreciate it, is your approach to, like, just not forcing people to change or not ma- judging someone or not making someone feel like you're preaching to them or teaching them or coaching them. Like, I can see that from your approach, that's not how you think about it, and you really want people to come to things at their own time and in their own pace and even, even in their own way, that it's their idea, as you just said. Is that something you think you've experienced as well, and that's why you believe in it so much? Or is it something that ... Or, or is that something that you saw because maybe you were quite preached to and taught and judged and coached, and you realized that that, people didn't respond to that so much?
6. JAJessica Alba
  I think it was more of, like, me learning how people ... Like, I was like, who are the people who I've seen potential in and they've, like, sort of, they break through, and they actually, like, move in that direction? And then I see potential in others, and they're like, no.
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. JAJessica Alba
  Um, and, and so I guess it's just being mindful of ... Maybe my kids. Maybe it's my kids.
9. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
10. JAJessica Alba
  I think my kids have taught me a lot about that. The more I tell them something, the more they resist, and they look at it as parenting, and I'm just bossing them around. And my d- Honor even told me last night it was so, so annoying, and over, like, something so stupid. Anyway, um, you know, she's, she wants to redo her room, and I'm like, cool. So I'm like, Pinterest board. Like, show me your inspo. And she was like, "And my friend, she just redid her room, and she has, like, all these plants, and it's very bohemian, and I love it so much," and da da da. And I was like, "Did her mom help her with it?" And she was like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "Cool. How does that make you feel?" And she was like, "It doesn't make me feel like anything. I think it's great. Her mom's really nice." And I was like, "Cool." And she was like, "Mom, I just want this to be my project, and I don't want you to, you know, tell me what to do," or, "I don't want your advice on, you know, what you like." She's like, "I wanna come to these thoughts on my own." You know? And she's, like, so, um- She's so sweet, sure, her little soul. But, you know, she's, the way she puts it to me just makes it so clear how people process, right?
11. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
12. JAJessica Alba
  Um, and so that's, that's how I get a lot of my lessons
43:11 – 47:52
Nudge people and ask questions and let them come to terms with their potential
1. JAJessica Alba
  is just the way that my oldest especially reacts, um, off of me on simple things, and then you can kind of apply it to more complex things.
2. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I, I, I love that example. I think it's amazing. I, I think that's partly why whenev- whenever I talk to my children I'm like, yeah, you've gotta be ready to, you know, when- whenever I think about having kids, I'm, I'm always saying to myself, "I've gotta be ready to be humbled and taught and coached by them and, and have to learn by them."
3. JAJessica Alba
  Yeah.
4. JSJay Shetty
  And if I'm not ready for that, then it's not the right time yet.
5. JAJessica Alba
  I just don't know if you're ever ready or not ready. I don't know. I just kind of feel like your kids choose you because they're, they're, they're going through their journey, right? Um, and your souls sort of, like, choose each other in a way at, at, at the right time. Um, I spoke to a, uh, this, this woman, she's a, a seer, uh, and I see her once a year as sort of like a, a gift to myself, and she talked about my son for, gosh, seven years before he came. Like, she saw him, and there was another one in France who also saw him, and, um, and they described him perfectly. And they're like, "It's not the right time." Like, "He's gonna come at this time, and this is s- the r- the dynamic of your relationship with your husband and then your other two, and that's when he's gonna come in." And they were right. You know, spiritually we were all in such a different place, and our family dynamic was in such a different place when he came through. Um, but they saw him [laughs] like waiting, and I was like, you know, meanwhile, I, you know, I was like, "I am not having two more kids," you know? And then I was like, "I'm not having one more kid." [laughs] Um, uh, and so it's interesting how they sort of choose you, and they're waiting for the right time.
6. JSJay Shetty
  Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that. I, I, I absolutely love that message, and it's, it's wonderful to think that for people who are trying to be parents, who wanna be parents, who are parents, to realize how much, you know, children chose to be there and, and you somehow cho- chose each other and your souls chose each other. I think that's, it's absolutely wonderful. Jessica, I wanna thank you for just being, uh, so incredible. For anyone who's listening to this, you will not know that we had technical issues and, and sound issues-
7. JAJessica Alba
  [laughs]
8. JSJay Shetty
  ... and all of this, but I just wanna thank Jessica. Her energy did not wane. She did not change her, she's just been wonderful throughout this whole episode and just been giving so many thoughtful and reflective answers, and I wanna, you know, honor you for that, Jessica, 'cause it's, it's hard when we're doing this through a screen and all the rest of it, but you've, you know, you've just been amazing. So thank you so much to you, and thank you to your team who's been, uh, you know, behind the scenes. But we end every episode with a Final Five. These are the Fast Five questions. So each word, each question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. And so Jessica Alba, these are your Fast Five. Are you ready?
9. JAJessica Alba
  Mm-hmm.
10. JSJay Shetty
  Okay. Awesome. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever received?
11. JAJessica Alba
  Patience.
12. JSJay Shetty
  What is the worst advice you have ever received? It can be more than one word. It can be a sentence.
13. JAJessica Alba
  The worst advice is that you can't do it.
14. JSJay Shetty
  Hmm.
15. JAJessica Alba
  Of course you can.
16. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Love that. Uh, question number three, your current purpose in life, the way you see it right now, the way you see what you're doing right now and why you're doing it.
17. JAJessica Alba
  To channel light.
18. JSJay Shetty
  Okay, question number four, what's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you do just before you go to bed?
19. JAJessica Alba
  Check my calendar. [laughs]
20. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs] True. Good answer.
21. JAJessica Alba
  Both. Both times. [laughs]
22. JSJay Shetty
  Both. Yeah, both. [laughs] That's a great answer. Uh, and, and question number five, the last question I'm gonna put you through the pain of answering is, uh, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
23. JAJessica Alba
  Compassion. Everyone has to be compassionate.
24. JSJay Shetty
  Love that. Beautiful. Jessica Alba, everyone. Thank you so much, Jessica, for sharing your, uh, wonderful, abundant energy. I'm so glad that this conversation went off in so many wonderfully spiritual directions, energy-based conversations. Uh, I'm really, really happy and thankful for your time. I really do hope we get to connect in person one day without all of the, uh, all of the challenges of being digitally connected. But, uh, a big, big thank you to you. If you've been listening or watching wherever you are in the world right now, please
47:52 – 50:12
Our children will always choose us
1. JSJay Shetty
  make sure that you share your biggest insights on Instagram. Tag me and Jessica as well. We'd love to see what resonated with you, what wisdom's going to stay with you, and what you're going to try and practice this week. Thank you for tuning in again, and Jessica, a big thank you to you and your team again.
2. JAJessica Alba
  Thank you. Thanks for having me.
3. JSJay Shetty
  [upbeat music] If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like a Monk, from thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make sure you order today.