Lauren London ON: Trauma, Spirituality & How to Recover From Loss

1. 0:00 – 3:39

   Intro

   1. LLLauren London0:00

      For me personally, it was 'cause I didn't have a choice. There was no other option. That was taken away from me with the passing of my son's father that I was forced into, I'm alone now. Who do you trust? When you don't have anything else to lean on and stand on, all you have is what you came here with. It's you and the divine. [upbeat music]

   2. JSJay Shetty0:31

      Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, I love these episodes when I get to sit down with dear friends, people that I've spent deep quality heartfelt time with, and I get the opportunity to share them with you because they have such a wealth of insight, such a wealth of wisdom, such a wealth of life experience. But I have to move into my interviewer mode and make sure that you know about how epic they are as well behind the scenes. I mean, they, they are doing a lot more than being my friend. Uh, so today's guest is none other than Lauren London, an LA native. Her career skyrocketed after starring in the film ATL. And Ms. London's career in the years since ATL includes a number of feature films and television series, including This Christmas, Next Day Air, Tyler Perry's Madea: Big Happy Family, I Love You, Beth Cooper, Baggage Claim, The Perfect Match, as well as television series HBO's Entourage, 90210, Single Ladies, and The Game. In 2019, she appeared in the BET series Games People Play, which is currently in production on season two. Season one centered around London's character, Vanessa King. And then this was a movie that I just saw recently, in the spring of 2021, Tom Clancy's Without Remorse starring Michael B. Jordan was released, with Lauren starring as Pam Kelly. Uh, there are so many more amazing things that Lauren's working on behind the scenes, so many other incredible things that are in production. A Netflix miniseries, True Story, alongside Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes, and she's producing much more further projects as well. Beyond all of this amazingness on screen, what I can truly say is that having spent pretty much, like, four hours a week with this incredible woman for the past 12 months, maybe more, is that there are very few people who carry the energy she carries. And in any room Lauren walks into, she lights it up with love, with grace, with this beautiful presence. And my wife and I are not only huge fans of her work on screen, we believe she's one of the most hilarious people off screen. Uh, we love you, Lauren. Thank you so much for doing the On Purpose podcast, and it is so great to have you on the show. Thanks for being here, Lauren.

   3. LLLauren London3:04

      Oh, thank you, Jay.

   4. JSJay Shetty3:06

      [laughs]

   5. LLLauren London3:06

      Man, the introduction was, like, A plus plus.

   6. JSJay Shetty3:09

      [laughs]

   7. LLLauren London3:09

      You made me excited about myself.

   8. JSJay Shetty3:11

      [laughs]

   9. LLLauren London3:11

      I'm like, "I guess I've been working for a while." [laughs]

   10. JSJay Shetty3:15

       You've, you know, you've done so much in your career, and I always feel blessed when I get to see people on screen and off screen because I think we're all humans that have real lives and real experiences. But I mean, everything in that intro was true, so congratulations to you. I mean, you know, it's, it's all your hard-

   11. LLLauren London3:35

       Oh, thank you

   12. JSJay Shetty3:35

       ... work and all your achievements. I, I hope we get a special appearance

2. 3:39 – 7:26

   Strengthening faith and reconnecting with God

   1. JSJay Shetty3:39

      from Cross or Cam today in the shot.

   2. LLLauren London3:41

      [laughs]

   3. JSJay Shetty3:42

      Uh, you know, one, one can only hope. [laughs] One can-

   4. LLLauren London3:45

      I'm sure Cross is gonna want a snack very soon.

   5. JSJay Shetty3:47

      [laughs] Uh, but Lauren, I wanna start with just diving straight in. You know, you have experienced so much in your career, so many amazing life-changing moments, but at the same time in your personal life you've been given so many surprises and pivots and, and changes and challenges. And I wanna hear about your journey as to how you found grace, spiritual connection, and have you been guided by that through some of the most difficult things that anyone in the world would ever have to experience?

   6. LLLauren London4:24

      You know, my spiritual journey, it had so many transformations. So I had a very, um, traumatic childhood you could say, with just a lot of abuse and, you know, neglect, and, um, not at the hands of my mother though. Let me clear that up. And so I was very, very connected to God at a really early age. I just remember hearing God very, very, very clear. And then, you know, as I grew up, I lost a bit of my connection to God, and then re- got reintroduced to God in another way in my early adulthood. And then really when Nip passed, I felt like that was when I had to really, really get to know God personally, not in theory, not in idea, not, you know, only when things are good to pray and devote. It made me feel like I wanted to really understand our purpose here on earth, why we were here, what are we to do here. I didn't wanna live a life in vain. I want it to be on purpose, and I, I, so it just, it was this, like this thirst for the truth. I think when tragedy happens, you just, you can either just survive or survive and thrive, and I really made the choice to survive and thrive, and I feel like I can only do that through the grace of God and just being a servant of God.

   7. JSJay Shetty5:57

      That's beautiful, Lauren. Thank you for sharing that. Let's, let's go back to that early childhood that you were mentioning. What was, like, a pivotal moment in your childhood that you believe has defined- ... who you are and how you show up. What was a moment that happened in those early years that you think taught you something so powerful that shaped who you are today?

   8. LLLauren London6:18

      Well, you know, I think when you, you know, my parents were really young, and they, they really tried the best, you know, with what they had and just the tools they had in their toolbox. And so I learned, um, very early about betrayal and, um, how being alone, 'cause I was a only child and there was a lot of violence around me and towards me, how I could only depend on God. And I learned that very early on that the humans and the adults in my life might not have been the best protectors, but that I was okay because I had faith in God. And that depending on God and leaning on God and trusting that I would be okay really carried me through my young childhood and my adulthood. And just, you know, clearly no one's perfect and our parents are human. I think that was a really hard lesson for me to learn, was that my parents were just humans.

   9. JSJay Shetty7:16

      I, I think you, you've raised such an interesting point there because when I think about what you're saying, I think it's so natural as a young person to look for

3. 7:26 – 10:41

   At the age when you express what you had internalized

   1. JSJay Shetty7:26

      role models, to look for protectors, to look for shelter, to look for another human to be under their wing. And when you're young and that breaks, you kind of keep looking sometimes in the wrong places too, and I know I did that in my own life where when I couldn't find it from what seemed like the natural, traditional places of shelter, I started to find it in the wrong areas. Did you ever feel that you went down that path when you were younger where you were taking shelter of things that now you wouldn't want your kids to do, but you kind of had no choice before you got to that God place? It's almost like before that. Tell us a bit about that journey of, like, looking for-

   2. LLLauren London8:09

      Oh my God

   3. JSJay Shetty8:10

      ... shelter in, in humans. [laughs]

   4. LLLauren London8:12

      I looked at everything outside of... There was also a moment where I just, you know, my faith dwindled because life happened, and I was like, "Well, why would this happen? Clearly there is no power to be. Life is just crumbling around me." I was just looking outside of myself for validation. I didn't have a really good strong sense of self-worth. And so, you know, kids, I think children in- internalize everything when they're really young, and then around adolescent, people always think adolescents are so troubled and, but that's when you start to express everything you've internalized, that age. And so around, like, 14, 15, I started to express everything I had internalized and, you know, I started to drink and smoke and skip school or not go to school, you know, completely not go to school at all. And I got kicked out of high school. And I went from, like, an honors student, which is, like, you know, very magnet and all, all these AP classes to never going back to school because I was so, my anger was starting to come out from everything I had went through. And yeah, that, and then I had a dream around, like, 19 of just years of acting out that I died, and I was like, how? This is so crazy. How? Like, no, I'm not sick. No one knows. I'm, like, walking out of my mom's house, and this figure was there, and the figure was like, you know, I t- kind of explained to me that I was leaving Earth. It was such a eerie dream, and I was like, "Where's Jesus?" And the figure was like, "He's not here for you." And I woke up immediately. It was Sunday morning, and I literally drove myself to church, and my life changed after that.

   5. JSJay Shetty10:01

      Wow. How... I mean, that, those kind of dreams, do you have dreams like that often, or was that, like, a one-off? And was that, like, a, at that time, had you had other dreams around that time that were different to that?

   6. LLLauren London10:11

      No, I used to have, like, very dreams that were kind of like premonitions when I was younger. I, I u- you know, of, like, areas and s- and places that I would eventually see when I was older. Um, so but nothing like that. That was very specific, I think, to my need of transformation.

   7. JSJay Shetty10:32

      I really like the theme, Lauren, that you've kind of touched on in your own life and in your past because I think you're spot on that when we're young, and even when we get

4. 10:41 – 13:01

   Finding protection from a higher being

   1. JSJay Shetty10:41

      older, we're constantly looking for a protector and shelter. And we almost go from like, "Will you be my protector?" And then that person lets us down, and then we go to this person and say, "Well, no, you be my protector," and then they let us down, and we keep doing that. The fact that you've raised that is really powerful because I think sometimes we don't even know we're doing that because you're not saying it in those words. You're not saying, "Be my protector" but inside, in your heart, that's kind of what you're looking for. Tell us about those lessons you learned when you went down the wrong paths and chose some of the wrong shelters.

   2. LLLauren London11:14

      I think what I, really what I've learned from being younger and looking outside of myself for protection and safety and comfort was that the ultimate comfort and protection comes from a higher power. It, it came from God for me. And I, I was telling you just being a single mother and a single woman now, and, you know, yes, I have family, and I have friends that are protectors. But ultimately, my protection is divine, and it comes from God. And really trusting that now, and I, I didn't trust it before. And I think when you've gone through tragedy or trauma in any part of life, it really makes you... You know, they don't talk about how it really, it challenges your relationship with God, and it, am I really being protected? This was something really ... horrible has happened. Am I really safe? Something horrible has happened. And, you know, I'm learning that even now that I am protected and that it is okay to lean into that, to not have to always be around people or, you know, not always feeling like I'm not protected if I'm alone, that I am totally in trust with God. That's a lesson I'm still learning today, that I'm trying to just cultivate even more.

   3. JSJay Shetty12:39

      Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it, how we've created this animosity with being alone? Like, we think of being alone or lonely as such a negative thing, and it's almost been ingrained in our life since we were young, where it's like if you were the kid at school who didn't have lots of friends, you were the loner, and if you got invited

5. 13:01 – 16:05

   When you don’t have anything to lean on

   1. JSJay Shetty13:01

      to a wedding and you didn't have a plus one, it was like, "Oh, what's wrong with you?" And it's like we've always been told that you need a better half or someone to complete you. Like, the language has always been, being alone is a weakness, and that being alone means you've been abandoned. It's almost like we think being alone means abandonment, but that's not true. You can be happy alone and have great relationships and friends, but know where your shelter is. I wanna hear about how long it takes you and what you have to go through to gain that trust that there's something beyond, because now when you're looking back, it obviously makes sense, but if you, if you remember being in that position, the last thing you wanna do is trust that there's something greater or deeper or more powerful because you're like, "Well, I, I don't even have that trust in myself," you know? And we keep transferring our trust to humans. And so I just wanna hear about some of the pain that comes with that or some of the challenges that come with that or, or some of that journey before you were able to be... When I see you now, and obviously we know each other, and I see you be so confident in that space, I kind of wanna hear where that confidence came from.

   2. LLLauren London14:15

      You know, for me personally, I think it's all, it's really based on the individual and someone's individual journey. For me personally, it was 'cause I didn't have a choice. There was no other option. Um, that was taken away from me, where I was in a house. I wasn't alone. I was in a relationship. You know, I was protected and covered, and then that was tragically taken away with the passing, you know, of my son's father that I was forced into, I'm alone now. And who do you trust as far as yourself, God? What's that relationship like? When you don't have anything else to lean on and stand on, all you have is what you came here with. It's you and the divine. And so I was kind of pushed into communication with God. I had to start really talking to God, real, not just reading the books and, um, you know, I always say, like, applying it and, and reading it are two different things. You can read all the books everywhere. You can speak, recite what you read in the book, but once you apply what you read, that's a different ballgame. And so I had to learn application.

   3. JSJay Shetty15:34

      Yeah. That's such a, such a great point from communication and application. I think that's, that's so powerful. Let's... I've loved watching you, uh, be a mom. I've only ever known you in this, this phase of your life. Like, I, I didn't know, I haven't known you, uh, before. And you have two incredible sons who are just so fun to be with. Uh, Cam is, like, the ultimate gentleman, and, you know, this, this very, like, almost regal [laughs] person who's just, like,

6. 16:05 – 19:09

   The ultimate lesson of not having control

   1. JSJay Shetty16:05

      so well-spoken, so gentle, so smart and intellectual as well. Uh, and then you have Cross, who's just, like, the cutest little being in the world and just has so much, like, spontaneous energy, has your humor, you know, that, that kind of vibe. And, and I see how much they love you and how much you love them and, and that connection. It's so beautiful. Lauren, I'm asking you this probably for the first time. I've never asked you this before because I, I, I believe it's not an easy question to answer, but how does it feel to have a plan for life and have a picture of what life looks like and then have that picture be torn? Like, what does that actually feel like? Because I think that's something that we underestimate because not everyone goes through that fully. But the extent to which you've been through that, we may all get little pieces of that. And so I feel your experience can be a real blessing for everyone, and I know you can share it with that heart. So I'd love to ask you that question now.

   2. LLLauren London17:04

      It is the ultimate lesson in control, not having control, letting go. It's really when you have this plan for your life, as you should, we should manifest, we should set goals. You should, right? You should have intentions. And if the, when, if or when that gets derailed and you have plan B now to go off that you didn't plan on, it is the ultimate test of surrender, letting it go, letting God now move in your life. You know, I think for me it was, I had this idea, I had the, we had the kids, we had a family, and the head of the household is not here anymore. Does that mean I have no purpose here anymore? No. I still have a purpose. I still have a mission, and now I have to tap into myself. You know? I had to surrender my idea of what I thought my life should be and give God and give my children the opportunity for a happy life. Give God my life so that now my life is what the divine wants from me. And so I flow with the river. I'm not holding onto the rocks. I'm not grasping onto things that, you know, you have to let go of. It is literally the, I'm gonna say again, the ultimate test of surrendering. You have to surrender. Because at the end of the day, as much control as we think we have, we do not. And it's actually very powerful to surrender. We think that it's a weakness, but it's so much power in letting go and flowing with the river. 'Cause life is gonna do what it's gonna do, and we are all gonna get chin-checked by life one way or another. So I might as well focus on my enlightenment and roll with the river and not fight with the rocks.

   3. JSJay Shetty19:05

      Wow. [laughs] Lauren, that was, I mean, you know, hearing

7. 19:09 – 22:54

   This shared love for reading and spiritual bonding

   1. JSJay Shetty19:09

      that from you, I, I hope that people are gonna replay that part to themselves again and again and again because everything you just said, and the fact that you're saying it in what you've experienced, that's what gives it so much power, right? These are not just words and these are not just ideas. It's not just a concept. It's like you're actually having to apply this in your daily life. Tell us about, Lauren, what is it that we didn't know about Nipsey and you and, and the connection you had? What is it that we didn't see, that we didn't know, that, that people may not be aware of that you shared, that you learned from each other, that you grew from each other? What were the things you taught him and he taught you that, that made this so powerful and, you know, made this incredible unit that has continued to propel you to greater heights?

   2. LLLauren London20:01

      You know, I always say that, like, we were very avid readers, and so when we moved in together and put our books together, you can really see whose books were whose. [laughs] So like he was very, um, a very, he was an intellectual and, um, I always say he was like a spiritual intellectual and I was a spiritual emotional person. So all my books were like on hard and, you know. And so to me, it really represented masculine and feminine energy. Um, I think something that people don't know is that we were always talking about how we could have a better relationship with God individually and our purpose and our missions in life and, you know, who, how we just wanted to be on purpose as individuals and how we just helped each other on our own individual missions, and that our relationship was actually more spiritual than it was anything, and that we bonded on our, you know, quest for the truth.

   3. JSJay Shetty21:10

      That's, I mean, I, what I love about hearing that is that anyone who is in a relationship right now or wants to be in a relationship who's listening to us, that feels like such a great North Star. Like, that feels like such a beautiful point to connect. And it sounds so normal for you because that's what you both were, like you just described, but that's not very normal, as we both know. Like, that's not what relationships are based on. Like, that's not why we come together. It's not what we think about. It's not really what we put in the center. But that center feels so strong. Sorry, were you about to say something, Lauren? I didn't, I didn't wanna cut you off.

   4. LLLauren London21:46

      That's how we started and, and we weren't perfect, and we definitely had [laughs] our, like, you know, it was a lot of human moments. But I think in relationship it's really important in the beginning if you set an intention, what is, what is our union, how is our union going to participate with everyone else? How are we gonna contribute? How does our union contribute to people outside of us, not just us? You know, not just between, you know, oh, you love me, you give me pleasure. It has to be deeper than that or it kind of fades away. So I think we were very intentional on like how us together, how does that contribute to our community?

   5. JSJay Shetty22:27

      Yeah. And I, and I think that community part is also, again, such a powerful point, that it doesn't just stop at your quest for the truth, it's what you both do in service to your community, and that's a space that you're, you continue to be active in, you're bo- you were both active in. Like, that's such a big priority for you. And I, I think that that's another great relationship connection that you've spoken about there. There is, like if your relationship is

8. 22:54 – 25:33

   We are all masculine and feminine energy

   1. JSJay Shetty22:54

      based around the quest for the truth, not just pleasure, but then your relationship is based around community service and giving back, these are the things that really bring you close to someone that you, that you deeply love and you share together. You, you spoke a bit about the masculine and feminine energy there, and I loved how you described yourself as the spiritual emotional and him as the spiritual intellectual. That's, that's a really cool way of looking at it. When, when you ... Tell us a bit about what you've learned about the masculine and feminine energy that has helped you that you think our listeners may find an introduction if they're not as aware of, uh, s- those ideas. What are some of the things that you've taken away that you think have really helped you?

   2. LLLauren London23:36

      You know, just being aware that we are all, uh, masculine and feminine energy. You know, you think it's just one way or the other, but that we have s- we're all intertwined and we have that in us. I sometimes operate out of my masculine more than my feminine. You know, especially, um, [laughs] just I, I think I do more than anything and, and, and starting to open myself up to my feminine energy more and more. Um, I've learned ... That, I think that was my, that's my biggest takeaway really from that is that it is all in all of us. It's not one or the other, and that it is so okay to nurture both sides at the same time or some, or one side you might nurture more than the other, and that's okay. I just, you know- It's like the best of both worlds.

   3. JSJay Shetty24:30

      Yeah. No, I agree with that, and I ... Knowing which one to use when, and knowing which one to nourish is such an important decision. And whereas if you just base it on gender and you say, "Well, I'm only feminine or masculine," whatever it may be, you almost miss out on recognizing that there are powers in both that are accessible-

   4. LLLauren London24:51

      So-

   5. JSJay Shetty24:51

      ... to all of us all the time. I, I know for a fact, I, I remember meeting someone a few years ago, and I don't know if I ever told you this, but I met someone a few years ago, and, and I don't really connect with him that much anymore either, but he said to me, he said, he goes, "Jay, you are, you are, like, completely balanced in your masculine and feminine." And I was like, I didn't, I, I ... When I first heard that, it was a while ago, I was like, "I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or as a diss." And so, but-

   6. LLLauren London25:17

      It's both compliment.

   7. JSJay Shetty25:18

      Yeah, yeah. No, I, I learned that afterwards, you know? It's like my-

   8. LLLauren London25:21

      [laughs]

   9. JSJay Shetty25:21

      ... my masculine ego got in the way of, like, what are you trying to say?

   10. LLLauren London25:25

       No, because feminine is creativity and intuition, and as spiritual beings, we just, you know, yeah,

9. 25:33 – 29:28

   A time when it’s difficult to go back to acting

   1. LLLauren London25:33

      you wanna be tapped into that intuition and that create.

   2. JSJay Shetty25:36

      I'm glad you raised that actually, that, you know, feminine energy offt- often we don't understand the depth of it, but creativity, intuition, connection, synergy, like, all of this comes from that, and so that's a really great reminder. I heard you, Lauren, in an interview, you mentioned that you almost made a decision to not go back to acting anymore.

   3. LLLauren London25:58

      Yeah.

   4. JSJay Shetty25:58

      And, and I wanted to know more about that because obviously you have gone back and you have moved forward, but there was a point where obviously that, that required an act of bravery. Can you tell us what was it that was stopping you, and then what helped you move back in?

   5. LLLauren London26:13

      What was stopping me was that, you know, life changed, and so my perspective on life changed, and, you know, I ... My field, the audition process and the rejection and the, the politics of, you know, what came with what I do did not align with what I was seeking anymore. I didn't want to have to politic. I didn't wanna have to, um, you know, do things I felt weren't in alignment with my truth, and I just wanted to be myself fully. If I could participate in a project wholly, I would do it, but if I could not, I didn't wanna be fake and not give of myself in a real way. And so I was like, you know, I don't really wanna run that race anymore. And so a project, Without Remorse, came, and I was like, "Eh, I'm not sure." I, I, I don't want to do this little, you know, what felt like a hamster wheel for me. I didn't like the idea of competition and going against ... I, I didn't like that, and so I was like, "I don't know if I wanna do that anymore." And so Michael was like, "Look, just read the script." And so I read the script, and what drew me to it was that I could participate authentically. Like, I can genuinely, um, play this role because I really resonated with the fact that she passes and he has all these visions of her, and that she's still communicating with him, just not physically but spiritually, and that's exactly where I, you know, where I felt I was at the time. And so it was just perfect. It was in alignment with a story I wanted to tell. I could really give my truth to this, and it didn't have that, um, it didn't have a negative energy on it. It felt, it felt like, it felt, I don't wanna say easy 'cause it wasn't easy, but it felt like it was just pretty much in alignment, you know? It was in such a ... It flowed. And so, and not that I'm expecting everything to be easy, but I didn't want the, a, a certain energy on it, and this had a really good energy on it, and I trusted it and went back.

   6. JSJay Shetty28:38

      Yeah, and I, I really felt that when me and Raddy watched the movie together, that we really felt that too, that, you know, looking at it from that perspective of, of knowing you and speaking to you about it and then watching the movie and just being like, "Wow," like, you know, how, how must have that been for Lauren to play that role? But, but then to hear you say what you're saying to me now, I'm just like, wow, like, that, that's therapeutic. It's healing. It's, it's powerful-

   7. LLLauren London29:04

      Love it

   8. JSJay Shetty29:05

      ... because you're, you're transferring that pain into purpose, right? You're, like, bringing it through, and you're letting it flow, and that, that's so powerful that you're able to transform your pain in this way, and, and that feels like a, a massively worthy reason to go back to anything-

   9. LLLauren London29:21

      Thank you

   10. JSJay Shetty29:22

       ... uh, and how you're selecting it. And I, and I love what you said there. I think, you know, I just, I like pointing out things that

10. 29:28 – 35:13

    Using your story to help and encourage others

    1. JSJay Shetty29:28

       sometimes we miss. You said, "I'm not expecting it to be easy, but I want it to be in alignment," and I think that is such a powerful lesson for all of us, that if we're looking for ease, chances are we don't wanna do anything because nothing's easy.

    2. LLLauren London29:44

       [laughs] That's it, huh?

    3. JSJay Shetty29:45

       But, yeah, but it's like that alignment, uh, and you've devoted time in helping other people who've lost their loved ones through gun violence. Uh, can you walk us through how this has been helping you in your healing journey, and why it's important for people to help even when we feel like we've lost? Because I think what often happen is when we feel like we've gone through something, we most often don't feel like we're in a position to help.

    4. LLLauren London30:13

       Mm.

    5. JSJay Shetty30:13

       But when you've actually gone out and done that, can you tell us how that has actually helped healing or support? What have you learned from that?

    6. LLLauren London30:20

       You know, I think personally that service is our purpose, um, and that we do it in different ways. I, I, I went to New York and I, um, worked with a organization called Life Camp. Where they help, um, you know, victims of gun violence, and they try to stop gun violence. And, um, a woman by the name of Erica, who is amazing, runs this organization. It made, it also m- I saw, it also made me not feel so alone, and that how close we are as humans and how connected we are, and we feel like our individual stories are the things that make us so separate, but it's actually the thing that really connects us. And that as I was talking to these young women and these single mothers that were younger than me, I got so much strength from them. 'Cause so much we, so m- so many times we think what we go through is just us, and how did this happen to me? And it's not the way to think like that. It's like, who am I? Why not me? Why is this not happening to me? It's happening to all around the world. How can I be of service? How can my story help someone else through their story? So many times I read a book or listen to someone's testimony, and they have no idea how encouraging that is for me at that time. And so I just want my, I don't wanna ha- I don't wanna have my pain in vain. I would like to give my pain some purpose and transmute the pain into purpose. And if I could help or encourage or motivate or pull through, I will sign up for that every day, all the time.

    7. JSJay Shetty32:03

       That's beautiful. I'm so glad you shared that because, again, it just comes back to the same thing that we don't want people... I, I think it's those times when you feel you have nothing to give is when by giving you have so much to gain, right? It's like when you feel you have nothing to give-

    8. LLLauren London32:19

       Oh my gosh, yeah

    9. JSJay Shetty32:20

       ... but, but in that moment, when you choose to give, when you actually feel like you have nothing to give, you get so much back from it. And, and I feel like if-

    10. LLLauren London32:28

        Well, that's when you're supposed to give, right? Isn't that when, isn't that when you're supposed to give, when you feel like, you know, when you're really depressed, when you're really... They say when you're really down, go, go do something for someone else. Step outside of yourself and go do something for someone else.

    11. JSJay Shetty32:46

        Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I, and I think if, if we can all find daily, weekly, monthly ways of doing that by working with organizations that are important to us, and I, I think this is one of the things that I've noticed too as well. When we look around in the world, there's so much pain, and there's so much stress and pressure, and it's overwhelming. But if you just go and do one tiny act of service in your local area, in your local community, you don't have to go and change the world. You don't have to go and, like, raise lots of money or do this, like, big thing. You can do this really small thing every week. And not only is that gonna, going to improve the world, of course, it's improving the world. It's gonna change someone's life. It's gonna change yours too. And I think we underestimate what it feels like to change one person's life. And, and I always think about, like, if you had the option of when we're like, "Oh, but that only helps three people," if you think about those three people and their life experience, I'm sure you would 1000% choose to change their experience. And I think we, we've got lost this, we've got lost in this world now of, like, numbers and millions of dollars and big change-

    12. LLLauren London33:59

        Absolutely

    13. JSJay Shetty33:59

        ... and we, we forget that the community is change. Like, that is the world. Does that make sense?

    14. LLLauren London34:04

        It's right where you s- it's to- it's right where you step. You know? I don't, I think it's the small things that equal up to a big thing, and the big thing is service. You know? Like, it's integrity. Like, are you gonna do this when no one is watching? Absolutely. You know? Am I gonna make... I, it's also, like, I'm very intentional on my day. So if I know I'm gonna be working around a lot of people, my intention is that, you know, I represent God, that I don't give someone, I don't put my stuff on someone else, that I bring good energy to a set, that, you know, if someone's having a hard day, I don't have to try to make them better, but I can just represent, you know, some goodness, you know, and some truth. And so I think it's important also to set intentions when you're around a lot of people.

    15. JSJay Shetty34:56

        I remember you telling me that when you're on set, you, like, choose your own playlist to make sure the energy's right and the vibe's right and, like, you know, I think that-

    16. LLLauren London35:04

        Endless. I get on that, in that trailer, and I play my little jazz or my self-care playlist. I light my incense.

11. 35:13 – 39:47

    Lessons we can learn from our children

    1. LLLauren London35:13

       I sage. I pray. I just put myself in a space because I don't wanna be influenced by my environment. I want the environment to be influenced by me.

    2. JSJay Shetty35:24

       Absolutely. Well said. Well said. Lauren, I wanna hear about, we spoke about this earlier briefly, but I wanna dive into it, being a mother, you know, and we s- we spoke about Cam and Cross, who, who, you know, I've enjoyed spending the time that I have with them. Uh, tell us about what you've been trying to share with them, what lessons, what guidance you've been trying to pass on to them, but also what have you learned from both of them in your own life too? Like, what have, what have you taken from them? Where, where have they taught you? Because I know they have.

    3. LLLauren London35:55

       I think I've learned from them more than they'll ever be able to learn from me. They're really, um, they're really resilient, and, like, uncon... They love me regardless of what I see in myself sometimes or when I'm down. You know, Cameron's heart. He has a really big heart, and when I was his age, I closed my heart up because there was a lot of trauma around me, and I didn't, I used to think that vulnerability was weakness. And I realize how easy it is for him to be vulnerable and how easy it is for him to share his heart and his feelings and how strong and brave that is And so a lot of times I'll be in a situation, I will even say like, "What would Cam do?" 'Cause his intentions are so pure and heartfelt, and his compassion, you know? Um, and Cross is very f- and I learned from him his freedom of being himself. Total freedom. He is fearless. He's like, "I got this. If I don't get, got it right now, I'm gonna get it." Um, you know, I didn't have siblings growing up, so watching siblings, that love is like, aw, like I hope if I ever come back that I get to have a sibling that I grow up in the house with, 'cause it's beautiful. It's like they're a part of each other in a way. And, um, I personally like to instill in my kids integrity, honor, um, honesty. You know, you get in big trouble for lying in this household. Um, and acceptance of yourself fully. You know, I've been really big on like, you know, Cam had a test today he was really nervous about and I'm like, "Look, if you don't ace the test, you don't ace the test. Did you try your best? Yes. Did we study? Yes. You don't have to ace it. You have to show up and show out, and that's it. The, the result of that, it's in the universe, and sometimes we don't get the result of our, you know, actions right away. So just make sure you put your best foot forward." And just, I teach them a lot about God and how there's a karma checkbook, so just make sure you're always putting good pennies in your karma bank. And I'm always like, "You know, there's always an opportunity to have good karma, so make sure you pay attention to all your opportunities around."

    4. JSJay Shetty38:33

       I love what, I love what you mentioned there, one thing around the idea of you don't always get the reward for the hard work and that activity in that moment, and I think that is such a powerful thing to teach a young person. Because we always think, like for example, I studied for this test but I didn't get the result, so that study was useless. And we don't realize that that study may be really powerful like five, 10 years down the line when you remember that one piece of insight and it actually gets a win. And, and that is such a powerful, powerful thing to teach someone, that the immediate result is not how powerful that input was. Like, the immediate result is not how powerful your effort was in that situation. You're going to get to see that for many, many years. That-

    5. LLLauren London39:21

       You said it much better than me-

    6. JSJay Shetty39:23

       No

    7. LLLauren London39:23

       ... but that's what I was for. [laughs]

    8. JSJay Shetty39:25

       Not at all.

    9. LLLauren London39:26

       But not-

    10. JSJay Shetty39:26

        I'm just, I'm just listening.

    11. LLLauren London39:27

        Yeah.

    12. JSJay Shetty39:27

        I'm just trying to listen to you really attentively, because I feel like there's so many things that you've worked on and you've practiced that have become so normal for you. And when I'm listening to you, I'm like, wow, that's actually really profound. Like, that's a really powerful point, and the fact that you're thinking about teaching that to your kids, like it's, you're not just saying,

12. 39:47 – 42:24

    Creating motivational content

    1. JSJay Shetty39:47

       "Oh, it doesn't matter if you don't ace the test." What you're actually saying is, "It doesn't matter if you ace the test, because what you learned is gonna help you at some point, and I want you to see that. I want you to recognize that you studied, and that's going to support you in more ways than this test."

    2. LLLauren London40:01

       Totally.

    3. JSJay Shetty40:02

       This test is, this test is not the proof that you studied. And-

    4. LLLauren London40:05

       No

    5. JSJay Shetty40:05

       ... yeah. And, and-

    6. LLLauren London40:06

       The fact that you studied is the, that's it.

    7. JSJay Shetty40:09

       Yeah, yeah. That's really beautiful. I, I, I love hearing that. And, uh, tell, tell us about as you continue to move on now, what are the things, Lauren, now at this stage in your life, you know, you've done so much service, you've worked for the community, you're embedded, you're, you're supporting others, people are supporting you. What are the things that excite you now? Like, what, where is it, where are you now? What, what brings joy to Lauren now?

    8. LLLauren London40:32

       Uh, I really like creating content that I feel is inspirational or motiva- motivation. Um, that really excites me. I've been working on a couple lines with Puma with clothes, and just the intention behind that. Like, I don't wanna just put out the clothes. What is it, what are the clothes saying? How are the clothes gonna make someone feel? What intention are we putting behind the clothes? And, you know, honestly, really simple things like Sundays, I love doing, you know, devotional service on Sundays and learning more about God and applying that. But also just like chilling and watching TV with my kids. Y- you know, like I used to think it was these massive things that brought me joy, and so I would always seek those really big things. And really it's like a really comfortable room with the kids, and they're ... listening to them laugh or listening to them play together and, you know, clean socks and fresh sheets. Like, those things bring me big joy. And, you know, hanging with friends and listening to music, just those things, and creating things that come from my heart.

    9. JSJay Shetty42:00

       Definitely, yeah. Big shout-out to your, I say Puma back in England, so, but I know it's Puma out here.

    10. LLLauren London42:06

        [laughs]

    11. JSJay Shetty42:06

        We say Puma. Uh, but-

    12. LLLauren London42:08

        Really?

    13. JSJay Shetty42:09

        Yeah. We, yeah, e- every time I say Puma, I just feel so, it just, I'm like, wow, like that's so, it's so, for my mind, it's crazy. But yeah, we call it Puma back in England, but, but Puma, yeah, the Forever Stronger line, uh, me and Riley's are big, Riley are big fans, and it's, uh,

13. 42:24 – 45:41

    Being in the spirit of celebration

    1. JSJay Shetty42:24

       it's always nice to wear something that means something and that represents something for you. And, and yeah, I, I, I love that you're bringing that into fashion and places like that to have that meaningfulness and that presence and that power. And, you know, one thing I remember we spoke about which I really appreciate from you, and you even mentioned it today, where you were like, "I wanted to let go of that competition in the industry and that comparison." Walk us through how you've worked through that, because this isn't something that only you experience. It's actually what's been created by most industries, where people are put against each other, people are made to compete for things. You're made to believe there's only one spot, there's only one thing, and if you get it, then you're losing and you're winning. How have you worked through that personally? How have you been trying to apply the wisdom around that area of your life around comparison and competition that I think we all struggle with?

    2. LLLauren London43:18

       Yeah, you know, I, I remember hearing something Reverend Michael said about being in the spirit of celebration. So when something really good happens to someone else, celebrate it. Because when you're in that spirit of celebration, you're just giving out, um, messages to the universe that you like to celebrate, so then the universe gives you things to celebrate. So I celebrate everyone's wins. You know, I've never, I've, I've never really been an envious ... I don't, I, I never really carry that energy, even young, so that's why it always feels funny when it's around me. So like I celebrate everyone's wins because I know that that would, that, that is my, that's mine too. It's just the energy of celebration and, um, genuinely knowing that there's enough to go around, that we live in an abundant universe. So just because someone is eating doesn't mean that I don't have food on the way, doesn't mean I can't eat either. It's just that there's an abundance of it all. So I just celebrate everyone's, you know, wins and, you know, congratulate and send really good energy out to especially, you know, women and Black women like myself that are doing this. It's not easy. I just am like a, I love women, so I'm like a woman, like I love women winning. I just sit in the spirit of abundance and celebration.

    3. JSJay Shetty44:54

       Yeah, I think when we start realizing that actually when people in our space win, the space wins, and so it's not like, you know, it's when you make it about one versus one, it can feel like a loss, but when you see it as a community, an industry, a, a space within an industry, when that's winning, that means everyone's winning. I always think about it like, you know, if you look at it through house prices, it's like if someone on your street sells their house for a lot of money, everyone's prices just went up. Like everyone on that street-

    4. LLLauren London45:26

       Mm-hmm

    5. JSJay Shetty45:26

       ... just benefited. But you can look at that and be like, "Oh, but they just made loads of money and so no one's gonna buy my house," but it's like actually that's not true. The whole value of the whole street just increased, right?

    6. LLLauren London45:37

       In that competition, you know, mind frame, you're just blocking

14. 45:41 – 49:29

    Lauren on Final Five

    1. LLLauren London45:42

       all the beautiful things God has for you. You know? If I'm, you know, you just, that's why you're supposed to celebrate people when they've succeeded at something or have accomplished something because you just open your world for more to celebrate. So I'm not into blocking my blessings. I like all my blessings, [laughs] so I love everyone's blessings.

    2. JSJay Shetty46:04

       Absolutely. I love that. Lauren, we end every On Purpose episode with a final five, so these questions have to be answered with one word or one sentence maximum, so you can have one sentence.

    3. LLLauren London46:15

       [laughs]

    4. JSJay Shetty46:16

       Let's do, uh, Lauren London, these are your final five. Question number one: What is the best advice you've ever received?

    5. LLLauren London46:25

       What you give out to the world, you keep.

    6. JSJay Shetty46:28

       Ooh, I like that. I like that. That's good. We've never had that. I like that. That's good advice. Uh, what is the worst advice you've ever received or the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?

    7. LLLauren London46:38

       Someone making someone like your possession, like you have to keep them or don't do this or you're gonna lose them. That's really bad advice.

    8. JSJay Shetty46:46

       Yes. Good, good, good advice on the bad advice. All right.

    9. LLLauren London46:49

       [laughs]

    10. JSJay Shetty46:49

        Question number three: Uh, what, how would you define your current purpose in life?

    11. LLLauren London46:55

        Transmuting pain into purpose.

    12. JSJay Shetty47:00

        Beautiful. I love that. Uh, question number four: What is something that you used to value that you don't value anymore?

    13. LLLauren London47:09

        Clothes.

    14. JSJay Shetty47:09

        [laughs]

    15. LLLauren London47:10

        [laughs]

    16. JSJay Shetty47:11

        I love that. I love that. That's such a great answer. I love it.

    17. LLLauren London47:15

        I don't really

    18. JSJay Shetty47:15

        [laughs]

    19. LLLauren London47:15

        ... designer s- clothes and stuff. Love, appreciate them, but it, I don't really.

    20. JSJay Shetty47:22

        All right. Fifth and final question: If you could make one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

    21. LLLauren London47:30

        I feel like there would be stricter punishment and longer, uh, harsher punishment on child abusers.

    22. JSJay Shetty47:38

        Wow. To hopefully, to hopefully limit people from doing it to-

    23. LLLauren London47:42

        Yeah

    24. JSJay Shetty47:42

        ... yeah.

    25. LLLauren London47:43

        And, and, or the punishment of people that harm children would be, you know, I know it's not so spiritual of me, but it'd be harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh.

    26. JSJay Shetty47:53

        Yeah. Thank you, Lauren. Lauren, is there anything that I haven't asked you but is in your heart, on your mind, in your soul that you wanna share with our On Purpose community today? You've been so generous and kind with your time. Me and Radi adore you. This has been such a powerful-

    27. LLLauren London48:08

        Thank you

    28. JSJay Shetty48:09

        ... conversation. Uh, yeah, is there anything that's on your heart or mind or soul that you wanna share that I haven't asked you?

    29. LLLauren London48:14

        I feel like you've asked me really good questions and really in-depth questions. I just, you know, I'm just honored that I, anyone would wanna listen to me, for real. So I'm just grateful to be here. [laughs]

    30. JSJay Shetty48:28

        Uh, Lauren, we love you. Everyone who's been listening or watching, make sure that you tag Lauren and I on Instagram, on Twitter, wherever you're using social media because I love seeing and I love my guests to see what resonated with you, what connected with you. I love bringing you into the conversation so that we can notice what really left a mark on you and impacted you. So make sure you tag us both on Instagram and Twitter. Lauren, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time. I can't wait to see you again in this new year.

Episode duration: 49:29