Jay Shetty PodcastLAYLA TAYLOR EXCLUSIVE: The Truth She Kept Hidden Her Entire Life
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
65 min read · 13,073 words- 0:00 – 0:48
Intro
- JSJay Shetty
Layla, you came here today because there's something you haven't shared. [drumbeat]
- LTLayla Taylor
It's something that I have known since I was little. It's just something that I honestly didn't really know how to formally address for a long period of my life. [drumbeat] We're only on this earth for however long we are here, and I'll be damned if I'm not able to be fully who I am. [drumbeat]
- JSJay Shetty
[instrumental music] Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. My guest today is Layla Taylor. Many of you know Layla from her show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, where she shared her journey through motherhood, divorce, dating, and navigating faith in Utah. Today, she's opening up about experiences she hasn't fully shared before
- 0:48 – 2:45
Coming Out for the First Time
- JSJay Shetty
and the journey that brought her into a new chapter today. Please welcome Layla to On Purpose. Layla Taylor, welcome to On Purpose.
- LTLayla Taylor
Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.
- JSJay Shetty
I am so grateful that you're here today. People know your work. They know parts of your story. They see you on TV. But you came here today because there's something you haven't shared-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... before, and I wanted to give you the space and ask you what's on your heart.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. It's just something that I honestly didn't really know how to formally address for a long period of my life, um, and that it's I'm gay, and I'm bi, and date women and men, and it's just, I think growing up, I didn't fit in for a lot of reasons in my childhood. I grew up in a very predominantly white area, and being a little Black girl, I already stood out so much to my peers and kind of took that on a lot more than I feel like I realized. And I always kind of had these thoughts, and I kind of laugh about it now 'cause I would be watching shows like Pretty Little Liars, and I would watch, like, Shay Mitchell kissing a girl, and I was like, "Wait, like, why is that, like, hot?" But I didn't know, like, what those feelings were 'cause I didn't have queer representation around me of like I could look at it and be like, "Okay, like, this is normal." And it wasn't necessarily that I had parents or... I was, I was Mormon at one point, but I nes- didn't necessarily have that pressure to not do that. I just didn't have people around me that modeled that. And it's just, it's just something that I for a long time didn't know if it was just a phase or something that, you know, maybe I'm just curious, and I would just kind of underplay it for a long period of my life. And I don't know. I just feel like I'm finally in the era that I, I'm over not being truly myself, and I'm over not showing every part of Layla to the world.
- 2:45 – 3:48
Stop Living for Other People
- LTLayla Taylor
And yeah, I'm very proud to be bi, and I'm very proud now to be out. And I hope that if anyone's in a situation that I am as well, that for a long time there I didn't know if I could come out and truly be myself, I hope that they can feel safe to do so and proud to do so.
- JSJay Shetty
First of all, I'm so happy for you.
- LTLayla Taylor
Thank you.
- JSJay Shetty
I can't imagine how good it feels to-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... share it out into the world.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
This is the first time you've talked about it publicly, right?
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I haven't addressed it, yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Why was now the right time for Layla to share this?
- LTLayla Taylor
Honestly, I went through a breakup at the beginning of this year, and I feel like for just a long period of my life, I was constantly living my life for other people, whether if that was, you know, being a mom or I was in a marriage. At one point, I was married. And I just feel like I was always fulfilling other people around me, and it honestly just caused me to never really focus on myself and never be able to, like, really just sit alone with who I am as a person and my feelings and kind of just really get
- 3:48 – 6:33
Choosing to Be Yourself
- LTLayla Taylor
to the root of why I felt certain ways, and I just kind of always just pushed it aside. And again, just I was just like, "Oh, this is just, like, a phase. Like, you're not actually attracted to girls. Like, you're just... You're drunk at a party and you kissed a girl. Like, it's no big deal. Like, you're not, you're not gay, Layla. Like, just ignore that." And I just feel like I just never was in a place that I feel like I could truly authentically focus on it. And I think honestly that breakup was, like, a blessing in disguise 'cause I feel like now I've been fully able to just focus on Layla and, yeah, just focus on who I truly am.
- JSJay Shetty
How does it feel to actually say it out loud and get it off your chest?
- LTLayla Taylor
Good. Honestly, I just feel like it's like, girl, this should've happened forever ago. I don't know why for so long I was so afraid, but it... I mean, there are people that are probably gonna judge me, and there's people that aren't gonna be supportive of it. And luckily for me, like, I'm in a position that I'm surrounded by so much love and so much support, and I know that I haven't told a lot of people around me that I am, so this is honestly they're gonna be finding out for themselves on this podcast. And I know that they're gonna be nothing but supportive though, and I know that's not the case for everybody, and I'm so grateful that I am in the position that I am, that I can truly be myself and feel the love and support, and I just wish that was the same for, like, everyone.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm. Yeah, you're so right. Who, who was the first person you told?
- LTLayla Taylor
My best friend Kate.
- JSJay Shetty
Okay.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. We were actually on a trip together for Miami Swim Week, and I was getting texts from somebody, and she's like, "Who's, who's this person, like, texting you and calling you all the time?" And I was like, "Oh, like, it's no one." At first, she thought it was my ex, and I was like, "No. Like, no. I, I, I'm, I don't circle back with exes. It's not an ex."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
But I was like... And I finally was like, "Kate. Like, Kate, I have to, I have to tell you. Like, it's a girl. Like, I'm, I'm bi." And she's like, "Oh, my gosh. Like, I'm so excited for you. Like, that's amazing." So I... She was obviously the best person for me to tell first because she just, she just knows me so well, and yeah, she was very supportive.
- JSJay Shetty
It must be so relieving when the first person you tell actually sees you.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Right?
- LTLayla Taylor
I feel like she was just like, "Okay, awesome." Like-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
... "Cool." I don't know. I just feel like she didn't really, like, care, not in a bad way, but she was like, "Okay, awesome. Like, I'm glad that, you know, you're happy. That's all I care about."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Have you shared this with any of the other cast members of Secret Lives?
- LTLayla Taylor
No. We've been kind of, not in a bad place, any of us girls. I know that there's some friendships that are, like, in different places than they have been in the past, but I think right now we've just been kind of a little separate Since just, you know, going on that pause from filming and everything like that, so I just haven't seen any of them in person, and I feel like me coming out's not really like a text of like, "Hey, I'm bi." I feel like I kinda wanna see them in person to like let them know. So they might see this before, and then I'll talk to them in person the next time I see them. But yeah, for right now, no one, no one from the group knows.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow. How do you hope they'll react, or do you have no expectation?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think supportive. I don't think that anyone would not be.
- 6:33 – 7:56
Understanding Your Sexuality
- LTLayla Taylor
I think that I lucked out with like a cast that we all have our things, and we're all supportive of each other regardless.
- JSJay Shetty
That's actually amazing.
- LTLayla Taylor
It's awesome. I'm really, I'm lucky for the group of girls that we have.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, that's incredible. Tell me about the first time you realized you were into both men and women.
- LTLayla Taylor
I feel like I can't like necessarily pinpoint. It's k- those kind of like those memories I said that I was like watching Pretty Little Liars and I was like, "Okay," like, "Huh."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
Or just like, you know, again, like I would have like drunk moments. I would like kiss a girl, but I would again always just downplay it. But it wasn't until recently actually that the girl that I'm talking to right now DM'd me, and then we met up and we hung out, and it was just kind of like that first kiss of like it wasn't, this wasn't like a drunk moment. Like, this was me intentionally going into a moment knowing how I felt about women. And the first time, you know, actively dating a woman that I was like, "Okay," like, "This is what I wanna do also." So I think it was like that moment that it wasn't just like a ooh, gotcha moment, and like a this is where I wanna be.
- JSJay Shetty
Wait, did she just send you a DM hoping that you were-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah, yeah. So I actually, I liked one of her TikToks that it was like, I don't even know what it was. I think it was just something, it was a thirst trap or something.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
And I like liked it, and she ended up just sending me like eye emojis, and I was like, "Hey."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
So I don't know. I- she just went on a whim. She told me, she's like, "I didn't know if you were, 'cause I feel like on my page you can't..." Obviously I feel like no one would know that I am into girls, obviously.
- 7:56 – 10:08
Why We Need to Talk About Sex
- LTLayla Taylor
Not until now. She just kinda went on a whim.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow.
- LTLayla Taylor
Maybe like a gut feeling.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- LTLayla Taylor
And I'm, yeah, I'm really glad she did, so.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow, that's awesome.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow, look at you. That's [laughs] like you-
- LTLayla Taylor
I know
- JSJay Shetty
... you haven't even got out there yet-
- LTLayla Taylor
I know
- JSJay Shetty
... and there's, that's, that's amazing
- LTLayla Taylor
... I know already, so. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Did you talk about sexuality growing up? Like, was that a conversation in your family and your home?
- LTLayla Taylor
No, not at all. I think honestly that's one of the reasons why I probably got pregnant at such a young a- young age. I got pregnant when I was 19, and I feel like it wasn't necessarily something that they avoided, 'cause I feel like there was like some moments that they would make small little comments, but they never really sat me down and like ever had like a talk about anything. So I kind of just figured out everything on my own.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow. When you look back now at that time-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... what do you wish little Layla had that was different?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think just a little bit more support. I think I spent a lot of my childhood hiding things from my parents, 'cause I was just really afraid of like their reactions. Just even small, small things. Like, I lost my virginity when I was 15, and that was something my parents probably still to this day don't even know, and I was very like terrified to tell them like little small details. So even like these, when I started to like have these feelings and have, you know, these thoughts, I would have never gone to them in a million years, and I think that's honestly probably why for such a long time I felt like I had to stay closeted, 'cause I just didn't have the support system around me that I wish, you know, as a child that I did have.
- JSJay Shetty
And was that around the same time as Mormonism came into your life as well?
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. So I converted to the church when I was 16.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
What was it about losing your virginity at 15 and converting at 16?
- LTLayla Taylor
I feel like I kind of went through like a, I don't even know, just like a phase that I was kind of rebelling a little bit from like probably like 14 to like right before I converted. And I don't know, it just kind of set me back on track for like a second, but I was still kind of doing, I was still like sleeping with my boyfriends in high school and stuff like that. But it almost just kind of gave me a little bit of like a moral compass I feel like I didn't necessarily have before.
- JSJay Shetty
I can relate to some degree, because I got deep into spirituality when I was 18 years old, and I obviously went and lived as a monk after. But it became part of my life so young.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
I have such a love for the wisdom I learned, and I have such a love for my teachers, but I'm not as much of a fan of the institution.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- 10:08 – 12:50
Why I Became Mormon
- JSJay Shetty
And it's just a really interesting experience as I've got older and older and older.
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
I'm older than you, but as I've got older and older and older from that stage, it's just I have such an interesting relationship with that time in my life, and I'm like, "What it, what was it that you were seeking apart from rebellion? What were you seeking at that time that Mormonism met or f- or made you feel?"
- LTLayla Taylor
I think for me, one of my biggest things, just having a very messy childhood where I didn't have that family consistency that like a lot of families did have in the Mormon church. I feel like I spent a lot of times at my friends' houses kind of avoiding what was going on at home, and I feel like a common theme I would notice between all of them was how strong their families seemed together. So I think just being 16 and being young and kind of optimistic about the world, I was like, "Hey," like, "I'm missing that one thing that would make me have a happy family one day, and that's being Mormon." So I just, it was everyone around me was Mormon. I think 98% of my school was enrolled in seminary, which is like an hour block in your schedule that you can go and like learn more about the church. So everyone around me is Mormon, just like all that I knew. And I just thought that that was, that was the way that you're supposed to live life.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. When you look back on that, what, what are the lessons that you feel have really improved your life, bettered your life, things that have stayed, and then the things that you're like, "I need to unlearn that, need to leave that behind"?
- LTLayla Taylor
I honestly, I feel like I didn't really take a lot away from my experience being Mormon. I think I would go to sacrament meetings, and I would try my best to like attend, but I just feel like my heart was never fully in it. I was really only just there to fit in and to just have one less thing that people would notice was different than my peers. You know? Like, already being Black and like, you know, having these thoughts in the back of my head of like liking girls but not wanting to admit it, it was just like one more thing, and I was like, "Hey, if I check this box off, I'll fit in a little bit more with everyone around me." So I honestly, I don't feel like I really took a lot out of going to church. I truly would just show up to say that I was there. And yeah, like, but it pulled me out of a really dark place. I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues in high school, and obviously dealing with things at home. So it gave me a lot of purpose to kind of keep going and To have motivation that it was gonna work out. So I am grateful for the church in a lot of ways just 'cause it did pull me out of that dark place that I honestly don't think I could have pulled myself out of on my own. Obviously, there's a lot of things within the church that, I mean, now being openly gay, like obviously that's not something that they're supportive of. So there's a lot of things that like I don't love, and I wasn't obviously aware of them [laughs] at the time when I was little and converting. Um, but I'll always be grateful for the positive impact it had on me.
- JSJay Shetty
It's such a natural experience when we're in our teenage years to just wanna fit in.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yes, exactly. Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
To like, just wanna belong.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
To find a place where you don't feel different.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
You don't feel othered. You don't feel like
- 12:50 – 15:12
The Need to Fit In
- JSJay Shetty
there's something hard to understand about you. And you mentioned then, I know you've talked about it on the show as well, being a Black woman in predominantly white areas, white experiences. Talk to me about what that experience was like for you. Like what were the questions in your head or-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... what were the things that you were struggling with, grappling with internally?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think I just didn't have a lot of Black peers around me, so it's just all I saw was just pretty blonde girls with blonde hair and blue eyes or green eyes, and I just think being young and very impressionable, that's what I honestly for a long time thought that that was the definition of beauty. I truly thought that that was what I needed to like look like to fit in and for guys to like me and all those things, and it was just so sad. I remember one of my like s- worst experiences in high school is one night I actually attempted to bleach my skin, which is-
- JSJay Shetty
Wow
- LTLayla Taylor
... so sad that I even did that, but I just thought I had to do all these extremes just to fit in, and I just wish that someone would've just told me that I was pretty and that I was worthy regardless of what color my skin was. And just because I don't look like people around me doesn't mean that I'm any less than them. Honestly, no, but being a mom, I feel like having little boys of my own that look up to me, I'll make sure that they have those affirmations about themselves that like I wasn't taught, and it's just honestly taught me how to be a better mom.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow. Talk to me about the process of even trying to bleach your skin. Like how did that-
- LTLayla Taylor
I-
- JSJay Shetty
... even come about?
- LTLayla Taylor
I just on [laughs] ... Again, me just being little, I was like 10. I thought that if I drew a bath and I put a bunch of bleach in it and then I sat in the bath and scrubbed, it would like cause my skin to lighten. I just think I, I was just very young. I didn't know how that would work. But just anything I could possibly do to like fit in, I wanted to try to do. I mean, even just like my hair, I went onto this on my show of me kind of just finally like owning me being Black and experimenting with my hair. But my whole entire life growing up, my mom taught me that my curly hair was just hard to manage for her, so the second that she could, she started straightening my hair, and that's all I knew for a long time, was just, "Okay, just straighten your hair. Like, don't... If it starts to get curly, like straighten it really quick again. Like you don't want people to know that your hair is like actually naturally curly and has texture." And it's something that I hid for a long time, so I just think any part of myself that would show that I was Black, I was so afraid to, and that breaks my heart to say. But I think it's caused me to do a complete 180 now, being, even though it did take me 25 years to get to this point, that I'm so incredibly
- 15:12 – 16:53
How My Kids Changed Me
- LTLayla Taylor
proud to be Black and to represent a huge community of the world on the show. I feel like I'm in such a unique position being the only Black cast member, and I'm just really, really proud to be able to represent a lot of people.
- JSJay Shetty
Talk to me about that journey from, was it a sense of shame? Was it, or was it just a sense of feeling othered and different?
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And then how do you even get from going there to actually developing a sense of, as you just so beautifully said, a sense of pride, a sense of representation, a sense of I actually am standing for something and that's more important than fitting in? Talk to me about that journey that you've been on.
- LTLayla Taylor
I mean, it was hard. I think, again, I would just shy away from anything that made me feel different, and I honestly think the biggest shift for me was having my own kids. 'Cause they're a quarter Black, but either which way, they're still Black, and I don't want them to feel the things that I felt. And just seeing them and, you know, seeing how beautiful they are and, you know, I want them to be proud of themselves and proud of every single part of themselves, and I can't do that if I'm not proud of me. And I think that was where the big shift for me happened. And, yeah, I mean, it was a hard thing. I remember the first time I wore a wig, I was like, "Oh, my. Take it off," like, "I hate this." Like, just it felt so foreign to me. But I think the more I've been doing it and the more I've just been fully just loving myself, I like love it and I love, you know, just owning me fully.
- JSJay Shetty
I love hearing about how your kids have inspired you to-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... to wanna stand on your own-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... two feet and really represent who you wanna be and what you believe in, and for them to experience that, and it's fascinating how when you're caring for a little person-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... there's almost like all of these lessons and reflections
- 16:53 – 18:15
Becoming a Mom at 19
- JSJay Shetty
that almost make sense almost-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... immediately.
- LTLayla Taylor
I feel like it just honestly alters the way you just handle life and you go forward and just, yeah, it changes the way you think about a lot of things.
- JSJay Shetty
You got pregnant at 19.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
What was your emotion like when you first find out?
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh, terrified. I actually have kind of like, it's funny now. In the moment, it was not funny. I was obviously not being safe with my boyfriend, now, or ex-husband now. Um, and I knew what, you know, would potentially happen if we weren't being, you know, safe. But I didn't think it was a possibility that I would actually be pregnant, and I went to an urgent care 'cause I thought I had some type of weird stomach bug. And they were like, "Is there a possibility that you're pregnant?" I was like, "No, there's, there's like literally no way I'm pregnant." Like, I, "No, no. That wouldn't happen." And they ended up testing me. That's how I found out was in an urgent care on my own, by myself in Provo, Utah, and it was the most terrifying day of my life. At that point, I didn't have a lot of family support. I was kind of not isolated in Utah, but my boyfriend at the time was like all I really, like, had. So when I found out, I was like, "Okay, like I don't know what I'm going to do." At that point, like I didn't know if, like I should move forward with pregnancy. I didn't know if I should put the baby up for adoption. I didn't know if I should marry this guy, date this... I didn't know what to do. I think I had so many questions in my head and didn't know how to proceed, but I, they
- 18:15 – 19:53
Why I Chose Marriage
- LTLayla Taylor
changed my life, both of my kids, for the better, and I'm so, so grateful to be their mom. But it's definitely a terrifying experience to get pregnant when you don't really have the support around you at such, like, a young age.
- JSJay Shetty
How did you decide that marriage was the option and not to actually open yourself up to- Other experiences or explore
- LTLayla Taylor
In my head, I felt like I almost messed up some steps by getting pregnant before we were married, that I was like, "Hey, at least, like, let me give my family, like, a chance of us being together." I think coming from a broken household and experiencing divorce and kind of the very toxic dynamic my parents had growing up with each other, I wanted the opposite of that for my kids. And I think just being so terrified of being a single mom, I was like, "Okay, like I, I have to marry him," and now I'm a single mom. So obviously that didn't, you know, pan out exactly how I was envisioning it to, but I'm still happy that we gave it a shot. I think that obviously, you know, divorce isn't easy and it's not fun, um, but if we wouldn't have gotten married, I wouldn't have had my second baby. So I think everything happens for a reason.
- JSJay Shetty
Big news. Junie just launched at Kroger, and we're celebrating with a free can for you. Because most of us hit that point in the afternoon when our energy dips and our focus starts to fade. Well, that's exactly why we created Junie, a sparkling drink crafted with natural ingredients to lift your mood, sharpen your focus, and give you smooth energy, all without the crash. Now available at Kroger stores, including Ralphs, Fred Meyer, King Soopers, Smith's, and Fry's, where you can grab a free Junie on us. So head to drinkjunie.com/kroger to claim your free can in store
- 19:53 – 21:04
Inside a Toxic Relationship
- JSJay Shetty
so you can feel better and live better. It feels like you've lived so much life-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... in, like, such a short amount of time.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Whether it's conversion, whether it's becoming a mom, whether it's moving from dating to marriage. Like, there's so many. I mean, when you look back on it now, do you kind of go, "God, how did I even do all of that?"
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh, yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I don't know how I'm still standing, but I think it made me who I am. I wouldn't take back anything that I've experienced in my life. I feel like truly I've been put through those challenges to be able to help other people. I say this all the time, but I feel like having a platform, you're put in a position that you can use your platform for good or bad. And truly, if I'm able to just help one person by sharing my story, I feel like that's why I do what I do. And yeah, and just everything has led me to where I am today, and I wouldn't change a thing.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. You've said that at one point your marriage became manipulative.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Was that something that was always there and you kind of ignored it and didn't notice it, or was it something that kind of came later on?
- LTLayla Taylor
No. Unfortunately, we had a very toxic relationship from the start. I just think that we never really knew each other on a deeper level. I think it was very surface level for a long time, and then when we got pregnant, it was just kind of,
- 21:04 – 23:24
Learning to Know Your Worth
- LTLayla Taylor
we felt like we had to get married, like I said. Um, and I just think we never had the proper foundation of a relationship to be able to, you know, withstand being married and, you know, taking on challenges that you obviously occur, that occur when you're married. So I think it was always there. But I was so scared of being a single mom that I was like, "Okay, this is, this is what I have to do. Like, make your husband happy, you know, take care of the home, have the babies, take care of the babies," and that's kind of all that I was doing for that time that I was married. So I just think I ignored everything.
- JSJay Shetty
You were saying a few moments ago that you didn't want to be a single mom, that's why... And you were like, "I deserve to give this a shot"-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... which is why you got married.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
I can't then fathom how hard it was when you're like, "Well, this isn't working. It's toxic, it's manipulative, but the only other option is being single." What was the final straw that made you go, "No, it's okay to accept this fear"? The reason I'm asking is there's a beautiful piece of zen wisdom that says that we'd rather accept the pain we know-
- LTLayla Taylor
Hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... than the pain we don't.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And so the pain you have right now when it's toxic and manipulative, it's like, well, that's better than leaving and being alone.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah, yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And a lot of people stay in jobs, relationships with parents, family for so much longer. Do you think you stayed too long? And what made you shift finally? What was it that really made you go, "I'm willing to accept the uncertainty"?
- LTLayla Taylor
I honestly, I don't think I stayed for too long. I feel like I truly wanted to step away from the marriage knowing that I gave it my all, and attempted as much as I could to, you know, put in place more healthy coping mechanisms when we're going through fights and, like, all these things. I feel like I just wanted to make sure that, like, I really gave it my all. And I think my final straw was just the word divorce would be held over my head a lot, and I think he just knew that that was my biggest fear. Coming from a broken household and seeing that happen in front of me as a little girl, I think that that was just terrifying for me, that concept, and it was kind of a way to get me to fall into line of, like, where I think he wanted me to behave. And I think he just said it for the final time, that it was like, "I can't keep begging you to stay with me. I know my worth and I know that, like, I am a good partner, and if you can't see that, then, like, it's okay." Um, and I'll always have a place for him in my heart. I think that he is a phenomenal dad. Truly one of the best dads I've ever, like, seen,
- 23:24 – 25:54
Starting Over as a Single Mom
- LTLayla Taylor
and witnessing him love my boys is amazing. But I think in terms of just us working out as a partner, um, it just wasn't for us, but yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
What was his reaction when you told him that?
- LTLayla Taylor
Like, the re- See, he was actually the one that brought it up, and normally I would kind of fight back and I was like, "No, don't do this. Like, let's talk this out. Like, let's go to therapy. Let's do this, let's do that." But he just said it for the final time that I was like, "Okay, yeah, like, you're right. Um, probably go pack your stuff and we'll start to figure out, like, the next steps." So I think his reaction wasn't what he expected me to do. I think he normally, he was just used to me just begging and groveling and wanting this to work and all the things. So I think when I finally was like, "You're right, like, let's, let's make this happen," I think it probably caught him off guard. But I mean, I think he had to have known deep down, like, enough would've been enough at some point.
- JSJay Shetty
Gosh. When you finally left and, and were a single mom, how did it feel compared to how you thought it would feel to be free?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think there was so much good around it. Like, I wasn't in a toxic relationship and, you know, like, me and my babies got, like, this fun little night routine that we would do every night, but there was also so much hard things that came at the beginning of my single motherhood journey.
- JSJay Shetty
Tell me about those.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I didn't For a little bit there, I didn't have an income. This was before the show came to be and before I started making money on brand deals. And there was time periods that I was borrowing money from family, and I would be grocery shopping, and I would buy $30 worth of groceries for the whole week. And my kids would get food, but I would eat, like, their scraps after they ate 'cause I couldn't afford to buy that. And I was getting eviction notices plopped on my door, and this was right around the time that we started filming for the show, so while all this was happening behind the scenes. And I was terrified to let anyone know 'cause I was so embarrassed that I was, like, mad at myself. I was like, "You should've just stayed married. At least that... At least married you had food on the table. At least married your lights weren't getting shut off. At least married you could pay your rent." So it was almost, like, a shame thing that I was, "Why did you do this? You should've just stayed with him because now look at you now." And I was trying to almost keep up a facade 'cause I was just embarrassed to tell the girls. I don't honestly even think that some of them know this to this day of, like, how badly I was struggling at the beginning. And then I was showing up to filming every day, trying to slap a smile on my face, not letting anyone know what was happening behind the scenes. So I think, yeah, my start of single motherhood was not good, and I'm very, very grateful to be in the position that I am now. I can't even put into words how grateful I am for the show and for the people around me, like my team, that,
- 25:54 – 27:31
My Lowest Point
- LTLayla Taylor
you know, they believed in me from the start and have been by my side throughout all of this. Um, it, yeah, it was definitely a rocky start, but grateful for it though. It taught me a lot.
- JSJay Shetty
God, I had no idea.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
That, I mean, you're saying it with a smile on your face right now, but...
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I think it just taught me a lot, and it taught me to be very, very grateful for what I have. I will never, ever take for granted the position that I'm in. I think it will never feel real. Even just doing small things, like coming today to do this podcast and being able to, like, buy a flight for myself, that's something that, you know, when I was, at the start of single motherhood I wouldn't have nev- never been able to do. And yeah, I just, I'm just so, so grateful, and I feel like that's why I'm able to look at it, you know, positively now, is that I've seen how hard it can be, and I'm just really grateful that I got to the other side.
- JSJay Shetty
Talk to me about a night during that time which was the worst night. Like, the memory that when you think about it, you were at rock bottom.
- LTLayla Taylor
I don't even know. There's just so many nights that I would just sit there just thinking and questioning how I was gonna keep going for the boys. And there's times that, like, I was debating just texting my ex and being like, "Hey," like, "I need you to, like, take the kids, and I might need to, like, go move in with my sister." Like, I just at that point I didn't know how to continue on the road that I was on. And it was scary 'cause all I wanted to do was just be a mom for them and to show up for them, 'cause that's what they deserve. They were innocent little babies. They deserve to, like, not have to worry about where their next meal was coming from. And it was hard and it was scary 'cause I just also just didn't wanna tell anyone around me 'cause it was just a lot of embarrassment.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- LTLayla Taylor
And I shouldn't have been embarrassed. I wish I would've asked for help
- 27:31 – 29:05
Learning to Date Again
- LTLayla Taylor
from more people, but I think I'm such a, not prideful person, but it's just so hard for me to ask for help. I think growing up I never asked for help from, like, my parents for small things. When I was dealing with my mental health issues, I really had no idea. When I was dealing with my eating disorder issues, I had no idea. So I think I've just been, like, ingrained since a little girl to just kind of, like, shut your mouth and suck it up, and it'll maybe work out. And yeah, I think just, yeah, there was just a lot of nights of just I didn't know how I was gonna move forward.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I mean, I, I feel like we don't realize how easy it is to end up in a position like that, and how difficult it is, and that's why so many of us will stay longer in relationships-
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm-hmm, yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... or wherever we are, because the alternative is a path that you're like, "Why did I do this to myself?" Like, "Why am I putting myself through this pain?" When did you start to be open to the idea of dating again and meeting someone new, and how were you starting to navigate that?
- LTLayla Taylor
Honestly, I dated pretty quickly after me and my ex separated. I think for a long period of my life I used to seek validation in other people really bad, and I think it was almost, like, because I had those, you know, those abandonment wounds that I, you know, suffered from from when I was a little girl. I just always put my self-worth into how other people viewed me and how other people perceived me, and I think I would put that a lot onto my partners. So I just feel like I never really knew how to be alone, and that honestly, it would, like, scare me. Like, I don't have someone that I can, like, rely on all the time, not even just, like, you know, physically or, like, you know, financially. It's more just,
- 29:05 – 30:32
Finding Yourself in Solitude
- LTLayla Taylor
like, emotional. Like, I didn't wanna be alone with my thoughts. I didn't wanna be alone in general. And I think I would just always jump into relationships, and I feel like I would see comments online of people, like, "Oh, she's just, she's in another relationship other, every other season." Like, I actually, like, you guys are right for that honestly. There was a long period of my life that I just felt like I couldn't be alone with myself, and that's, you know, that led me to not be able to be authentic to me because I didn't know who I was for such a long time.
- JSJay Shetty
Do you think you feel more comfortable being alone now?
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh, yeah. I feel like I honestly value my alone time. I feel like that's why, how I've been able to come, you know, to the conclusion and, you know, finally accept that I am bi, and I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was with somebody. So I really do value my alone time. I feel like it's given me a lot of perspective and just, yeah, being able to find out who I am.
- JSJay Shetty
What was it about being alone that gave you that confidence to look within and actually be comfortable with saying that out loud?
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I think, again, just not living for other people and just being able to fully focus on me. And I don't know, I just feel like, yeah, just not having to do things for other people's approval I feel like really helped me.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, it's only when you switch off all the noise from outside-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... that you can actually hear your inner voice.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And then when it gets louder, you realize, "Oh, that's what I should've been listening to all along."
- LTLayla Taylor
The whole time, yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Not listen to all of these other opinions and ideas and expectations and
- 30:32 – 33:08
The Conversation Women Need to Have
- JSJay Shetty
everything else everyone wants me to do. But you're so right. You have to find that alone time and-
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... I often ask people how many months in their life they've actually spent alone.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And when I say alone, I don't mean- Dating, pursuing with some- I mean, where you weren't thinking about that.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And it's quite shocking to me that if you speak to an adult, there'll be, there'll be like weeks. Like, people are constantly looking for relationships or in one, and you don't actually get the space to do what you just said.
- LTLayla Taylor
100%, yeah. It's, it's hard to be alone, and it's hard to be, like, alone with your thoughts and to be able to just feel emotions, especially, like, post-breakup there's people that, you know, rebound and do those things to kind of like, you know, mute those thoughts that you have and all those things. And yeah, I just think it's fairly, it's really good to be alone [laughs] sometimes.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] One of the storylines on the show is this idea that you're not satisfied by your male sexual partners.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Was that difficult to say out loud? Like, were you scared to-
- LTLayla Taylor
I honestly, when I said it in the moment, I was just... I forget that the cameras are there half of the time, and I'll just be like, "Oh, I'm just, like, with my girls." And I just shared something I didn't think it would have the impact that it did until the season came out and I had so many DMs of women being like, "I haven't, and thank you for sharing this and making me feel less, you know, alone in that situation." And yeah, I just didn't think it was going to be such a big thing for me to share, and probably a good thing that I didn't realize that in the moment, 'cause then I probably would've been like, "Oh my God, no, wait, cut that." But I'm, I'm glad that I did 'cause I feel like it opened up a really big conversation for people that had dealt with that.
- JSJay Shetty
Talk to me about that wider conversation, because I think it's almost like all those men are gonna feel terrible about themselves, obviously.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
I did get some comments like that of people being like, "Oh, like I feel so bad for her exes." And, like, that wasn't-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- LTLayla Taylor
... my intentions to, like-
- JSJay Shetty
Of course not. No, no
- LTLayla Taylor
... throw them under the bus, yeah, and be like, "Yeah, you, like, never made me." It was more of just, like, kind of breaking that taboo that I think, especially, I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I think for me, dating men for so long, I would view sex as I needed to make sure the man always was pleasured every single time, and, like, I don't really matter. As long as, like, they're good and taken care of, then, like, it's good and, like, that's all in my head I thought sex was for such a long time. And it opened up that conversation that I feel like a lot of people felt the same way. And yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
It's such a fascinating conversation because of how patriarchal society-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... has wired us, how porn has wired us.
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm.
- JSJay Shetty
A lot of that is so wired that way and geared that way, that sadly it naturally ends up resulting in
- 33:08 – 36:26
Why Sex Education Matters
- JSJay Shetty
how we feel sex is in real life. And I think men are kind of trained in that way and conditioned to think that. And then, like you said, women end up getting trained that way.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And then you end up in this position where until someone calls it out.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. And I didn't realize that it was, like, a thing. I just, I was like, I d- I didn't even know what it felt like 'cause I have never experienced that. And knowing that, like, people are like, "Oh, no, like, my boyfriend makes sure he's every single time I do." I'm like, "What are you talking about?" Like-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- LTLayla Taylor
... I, I just never experienced that because I just didn't think that that's how it worked. And I think it also relates back to what I said earlier, of like I didn't have, like, the birds and the bee conversation with my parents. Like, I didn't know how any of that worked. And-
- JSJay Shetty
That's fascinating
- LTLayla Taylor
... I think that probably led to that as well, of me just having, like, this preconceived idea of what sex was in my head for such a long time.
- JSJay Shetty
It's almost like when you were pregnant from having sex was the first time you actually-
- LTLayla Taylor
Honestly, yeah. 'Cause, like, I knew what it was. Like, I know, like, how sex should, like, end, but, like, I just didn't know, like, the details, I guess.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah. Sex education in America obviously isn't doing any-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah, not great. We need to step it up
- JSJay Shetty
... doing any good to anyone.
- LTLayla Taylor
[laughs] Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, at school. Like it's... I think about that all the time. I'm just like, how is it that it's taught so poorly in schools? And no one really has a clue.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I didn't get any sex ed classes growing up.
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, you didn't?
- LTLayla Taylor
No.
- JSJay Shetty
Not at all?
- LTLayla Taylor
Not one. Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow.
- LTLayla Taylor
So I, I think it just gives-
- JSJay Shetty
Is that because of where... No. Yeah, what-
- LTLayla Taylor
I think maybe where I grew up-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah
- LTLayla Taylor
... it was, again, like very predominantly Mormon, and I just think that, again, people, a lot of people think that if you don't address it, then, like, people won't be curious about it. But I think if anything, at, at least for me and my perspective being, you know, very young and having sex for the first time, I think it made me more curious if anything. So I think me going, now being a parent, like, I wanna address these things with my kids and address and be like, "We're all gonna have those urges." And like-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- LTLayla Taylor
... "This is what you do if you're in this situation," and, like, teach them how to have safe sex and all the things. So again, I think all my experiences in life have just really led me to rewire my brain on how I wanna be a parent and hopefully, you know, other people same thing. 'Cause I think, yeah, my faults, uh, not that they're faults, but I think those experiences have led me to want to kind of do things differently.
- 36:26 – 36:59
Letting Go of Perfection
- JSJay Shetty
but saying that they're not because that's what the standard is. And it's fascinating to me how you kind of get stuck in these anti-authenticity loops-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... where you think you're being authentic because you're trying to live up to this ideal.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
But then no one's actually living up to it and we're all pretending we are. So I've always found it so interesting how humans, because this isn't about, it actually isn't about religion or God. It's, it's how humans can gather to kind of set a standard And people either pretend to live up to the standard or they
- 36:59 – 38:51
Accepting Who You Are
- JSJay Shetty
don't know what to do with it.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. And they fake it kind of. Keeping up with the Joneses I feel like is like a phrase that we have in Utah that everyone, you know, we all have our secrets and like our things that we don't share, and it's just kind of to keep up that facade that you, you know, are this perfect member.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. When did you let go of that, wanting to be the perfect member?
- LTLayla Taylor
I haven't been active probably for four or five years now, but when I was married, um, me and my ex would go sometimes, like here and there, but we weren't really active members either. It was, again, kind of the same thing to kind of keep the facade up and, you know, keep with what we thought we had to do. But when we separated, I was like, "Okay," like I finally am like, I'm able to not have to keep up this facade that I know that I tru- truly don't believe in, which was, yeah, that was nice.
- JSJay Shetty
How did you decide that you were finally ready to start dating women?
- LTLayla Taylor
I don't know if like there was like an exact moment that I remember, like it just like dawned on me. I think just it felt right.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm. But did you feel like there was, you said earlier, like there was this sense of like you, you should've done this the whole time.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Like-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... is there a sense of like lost time or that I held myself back?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think everything played out how like it was supposed to. I think obviously I wish I would've, you know, came out a lot sooner, but I also think I was going through so much that it would've been still swept under the rug like it did for so long. I just think a lot of things just were not more important in that moment, but just took precedence a little bit, like becoming a single mom and like things that I dealt with in childhood and all those things. I just think it just never felt like the right time to like just dive into it. And I think honestly, just like the concept of coming out in general is just kind of something that I've never really understood.
- 38:51 – 39:40
Facing Your Biggest Fear
- LTLayla Taylor
And obviously, like I can hold space for people that like are taught either in their homes or like in their religions that, you know, love is between a man and a woman. But I think the concept that we're all just born straight is something that like I've never been able to fully like conceptualize, and coming out and just having to say like, "I like girls and boys," is just, I never could see myself like sitting down at a podcast and saying this. But I also understand like the position that I'm in, that there's so many people that look up to me and maybe, you know, resonate with my story, and if I can help someone feel just more comfortable to be able to be true to themselves, then I wanna do that. But yeah, I feel like I just never could picture myself like coming out in this way. I just thought that maybe I would just show up with a girl one day and people would be like, "Oh," and I'd be like, "Yeah. What, what about it?"
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
But yeah, so I just think I just never had like an idea in my head of like when it was going to happen. I just think, I just always thought it was gonna happen at some point.
- 39:40 – 41:07
Dating Women for the First Time
- JSJay Shetty
What was your like biggest fear in your mind with what it would feel like to come out? Like what was the-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... thing that you were like, "I keep getting close."
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
"I'm about to say it. I'm about to act on it, but I-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... this keeps blocking me."
- LTLayla Taylor
I think it was just so foreign for me because I, you know, dated for m- for so long, my whole entire life, and that's all I knew. Like, I obviously had like, you know, experiences with women, but like I never in depth, you know, got to know a woman on like a intimate level and all those things. So I think for me, for so long it was just very foreign and scary. Um, but I think, you know, you can't get over that without getting through it, and I think I just was like, "Hey, like, you know that you are. Stop being like scared of like the what-ifs and like the unknown, and just, you could, just gotta dive in," so.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. What, what surprised you about dating women compared to men?
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh my gosh. Everything.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
Not like surprised me, but like-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- LTLayla Taylor
... already just like more like emotionally aware about certain things and very patient. I feel like at least who I'm talking to right now, she's just been very understanding and kind of letting me take this at my own pace because it is just still foreign to me and it is so, so new. Um, and yeah, I just think the level of like understanding and just like being there for me, yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm. How do you feel about certain people who may disagree, may not be happy about it, may have different views?
- 41:07 – 43:00
The Reality of Parenting
- JSJay Shetty
Like I'm sure you've thought about that and had to think about it-
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh, for sure
- JSJay Shetty
... being so public and-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah, I think I have tried to like play by the books, you know, in certain ways. I feel like looking back on like my experience even on the show, I feel like season one and season two I tried so hard to do everything right and I still had people that hated me. And now, you know, being more vocal and being more outspoken, I still have people that hate me, and I just think we're only on this earth for, you know, however long we are here, and I'll be damned if like I'm not able to be fully who I am. And if you don't like that, then that's okay. And I can understand if like you were raised a certain way and you have certain values and standards maybe. But I think for me, I just, yeah, I just, it shouldn't bug you if people choose to love whoever they wanna love. I think it's just, it's nobody's, nobody's business at the end of the day.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Is there, is there any of it that does affect you or get through to you? I know, I know for me there's always, there's always something that kind of just like creeps through and you're like, "Oh, man," like I just, I wish, like I always say I, I wish I could sit everyone down and tell them what my intention was and how I feel and who I am, and if they got to spend like an hour with me then maybe they'd feel different. But is there anything that ever just like gets to you sometimes and you're like, "Oh, this keeps me up at night"?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think the only insult that people can ever say to me that like actually like is like, "Oh, that hurt a little bit" is anything to do with parenting.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- LTLayla Taylor
I think that's like the one thing that I'm like I'm so protective over my babies, so that's something that like I didn't get growing up, and I think that's the one thing that will always just kind of hit home is if someone says something about like my parenting. I think everything else, like looks, say what you wanna say. Now if I'm being gay and that offends you, say what you wanna say, but I'm like my babies, don't say anything about them ever. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. I feel, and I feel like the internet is good at talking about everyone's babies.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yes.
- JSJay Shetty
And mothering s- mother's like-
- LTLayla Taylor
And motherhood and parenting, yes
- JSJay Shetty
... parenting stuff and motherhood. I feel like I
- 43:00 – 44:16
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids
- JSJay Shetty
get, it's so, I can't imagine how hard that is as a mom-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... or a dad or a parent. Like, I can't imagine how difficult that is because everyone's kinda telling you like, "This is the right way," and, "That's wrong," and-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
I mean, that seems exhausting.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I think parenting is just, it's such a one-off experience for every single person. Like, every child is different, every parent's different, and there's no textbook for how to parent properly. There's no textbook of how to handle situations of, you know, how to just be a parent. It's hard. It's, it's challenging every single day. It teaches me new things about myself that I didn't even know before. And yeah, I think that's the one thing that I'm like, just parents, we're doing our best, and ultimately, just as long as your kid's health and, you know, mental health is being protected in the day and they're happy and healthy, that's all that matters, so.
- JSJay Shetty
You've, you've mentioned that for your kids right now, you've talked about health and mental health a couple of times. Like, what do you do for yours and your kids' health and mental health? Like, what are the priorities?
- LTLayla Taylor
Definitely a lot of affirmations. I didn't really hear a lot of that growing up. I feel like I honestly had very negative self-worth. I don't think, I know. I had very negative self-worth for a long time 'cause I felt like I heard the opposite a lot growing up. Even just small things like my mom would be looking in the mirror and she's like, "Oh, I'm so fat," or, or this,
- 44:16 – 46:41
Healing Low Self-Worth
- LTLayla Taylor
or my dad would say, you know, mean comments to my mom. So I just felt like I never heard positive self-talk about themselves or others around them. And I think my biggest thing for my boys that we do, like, affirmations, like, I have them sit in front of the mirror and say like, "I'm handsome, and I'm smart, and I'm loved, and I'm cared for," and like all these things that kind of just, like, set their mind already of just being grateful and loving themselves. I think that that's just so important, and that honestly can set you up for success in your life in so many ways, whether that's, you know, your career path, school, um, confidence in sports, you know, confidence in relationships. Just so many things. I just think that uplifting yourself is so, so important and so undervalued, and I just think that that's like my biggest thing with my boys, that I just want them to love themselves and love everyone around them and just be good people.
- JSJay Shetty
That makes sense. And when you said self-worth, I was wondering, talk to me about the moments in your life where you experienced low self-worth.
- LTLayla Taylor
A lot of it stemmed from, like I mentioned, just growing up, just being the only Black kid in a room full of 30 students and I'm the only, only kid there that's Black. I think that's triggered a lot in me, just not valuing myself and my individuality. But I think also I struggled with an eating disorder, um, throughout high school and then it resurfaced here about probably a year ago, and I feel like I'm kind of in remission from it right now. Um, and I'm really, really proud of myself for getting that to that point again. But I think I've always had a very jaded perspective of, you know, my worth and my image and all those things, and I think I'm finally in the position that I am realizing that like, again, those, those negative self-talks can affect my children. And they view their mommy as beautiful and kind and, you know, all these good things, and I want to be able to say those things about myself back. And I try to look at myself as like a little girl, that I would never, like, see a little girl standing there and be like, "You're ugly," or, "You're fat," or, "No one likes you at school." Like, I would never do that, so I try to talk to myself as if I was like that little girl.
- JSJay Shetty
I've such a concern for young women right now, especially in terms of what they're exposed to online, the name-calling, the criticism of women's bodies. It just, it just feels like we- we're, we're going backwards.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Like we haven't gone in the right direction.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And I can't imagine what it feels like to be a mom and have kids, and-
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... whether they're young
- 46:41 – 47:58
Using Your Platform for Good
- JSJay Shetty
boys or young girls or-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... young children that are having to grow up right now and be exposed to all of that. I'm like, I'm sure you feel so protective.
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh my God.
- JSJay Shetty
But also, what do you do?
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. I think it's inevitable, but hopefully setting them up with the right tools to handle those things properly, I think is what I'm trying to do for my kids. I think, I don't think I would've maybe not experienced the things that I would ha- or I did. I mean, either which way, like, I couldn't change the circumstances of where I grew up. But if I had those, you know, coping mechanisms that were healthy, I think I would've been able to overcome those a lot better than I did. Um, so I think just being able to instill those in my boys and, you know, and everyone, I think that that's how you get through those things, is just being able to have the proper tools to handle them.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. It sounds like you're investing in all the right stuff. I mean, it's-
- LTLayla Taylor
You can hope, right? [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] What I find phenomenal is just, it just shows us that as soon as you feel responsible for someone else, you realize how valuable it is what you put in your mind, your body, and everything else.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Right? Like, that's what it comes from. As soon as you realize that your actions affect someone else, you start to take so much more accountability and responsibility for everything you eat, consume, read, listen to.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah. Honestly, even though, even on that too, like having
- 47:58 – 49:03
Opening Your Heart Again
- LTLayla Taylor
a platform as well, I think that there's so many, you know, young women, men that watch our pages and watch the show, and I wouldn't want to affect them and have my poor choices affect them as well, and they, you know, mirror those. So I think being in the position that we are, um, all of us women on the show, I think that, again, using our platforms for good is, it's beneficial for like a lot of people.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. What's your... If you could say, "This is what I wanna use my platform for right now," what would you say it is?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think owning single motherhood and being proud to be a single mom, um, owning being a Black woman, owning being a woman, um, and now o- owning being a bi woman. So yeah, I think just being truly authentic to, like, who yourself, I hope that that's what people take away from my page.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Have you spoken to your partner and potentially even your children about your new relationship?
- LTLayla Taylor
N- they aren't really involved with it right now. I think obviously I'm still kind of exploring and kind of trying to navigate
- 49:03 – 52:30
If You're Afraid to Come Out
- LTLayla Taylor
this, so until I feel more steady, 'cause it's not like I'm gonna change my mind like I know that I am, um, I think I'm just gonna kind of just handle it on my own until, yeah. Until the time feels more right
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. And, and what's co-parenting like in the situation? You were talking about how your ex-
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... is a great dad-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... and so good to the boys. Like, what does that setup look like for you right now?
- LTLayla Taylor
We're just finally in a place that the emotions have died down. You know, the initial adjustment period of, like, getting into a good swing of things with co-parenting has finally, like, set in, and I think that, at least I can say from my behalf, I just, I want the best for him. Um, and I think we're in a really good place with co-parenting that we just, we want the boys to be happy, and we're doing that, you know, coincide next to each other, and I think that, yeah, we're in, like, a good rhythm, which is nice.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. If there's someone who's listening right now and they're struggling to come out, they're struggling to leave a toxic relationship, what would you say to them?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think for me personally, I think I've just been in survival mode, like, my whole entire life, whether if it was surviving my childhood, surviving becoming a single mom, surviving now single motherhood, surviving my eating disorder, surviving just all these things. I just feel like I've just constantly been in fight or flight, and life is not meant to just be sur- survived. You're supposed to enjoy life, and you're supposed to live it to its fullest, and I think to do that, you have to be authentic and fully yourself, and it's scary, [laughs] and it's hard to do that. But who are you living your life for if it's not for yourself? And I, you know, it took me 25 years to fully be completely proud of every single part of myself, and I wish it happened sooner, but I think everything happens for a reason. So I just think if you're out there and you're, you're afraid or you're scared, be more scared of not being who you are, I think is, like, my piece of advice.
- JSJay Shetty
Awesome.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
How old are you now?
- LTLayla Taylor
25.
- JSJay Shetty
You're very wise and strong. [laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
Aw, thank you. Thank you so much.
- JSJay Shetty
You're, you're so coherent. I'm like, "What?"
- LTLayla Taylor
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Like, how? Like, how did you just say that? Like-
- LTLayla Taylor
Thank you
- JSJay Shetty
... it's unbelievable how much life you've squeezed into 25 years.
- LTLayla Taylor
I know. I'm like, "I need a little bit of a break." I don't know.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
I'm like, "A little bit le- less challenges, please." I'm just kidding. No, I'm, I'm grateful for everything that I've gone through. I think it made me who I am.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. But also it's like you're saying, "I wish I learned it sooner," but I'm like, 25 is-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... pretty early to have-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah, no, I know
- JSJay Shetty
... some of this figured out.
- LTLayla Taylor
There's so many people out there that are 65, and they still haven't come out. So I think I'm very grateful that I felt safe enough at this point to do that, and I hope that for everyone.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Did you talk to other people who had come out and asked them about their experience? Like, have you-
- 52:30 – 57:20
Layla on Final Five
- LTLayla Taylor
girl, it doesn't matter. We just want you to be happy."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. What are, what are you most excited to do now that you're out and-
- LTLayla Taylor
Oh my gosh
- JSJay Shetty
... able to say out loud?
- LTLayla Taylor
Make out with her in public. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- LTLayla Taylor
And not have someone be like, "What is going on? Is that Layla from Secret Life with a girl?" Just, yeah, just be able to be, like, fully me and own it.
- JSJay Shetty
I'm sure after this, hopefully you feel safe, and, you know, I think, I think that's what I always wish for people when they're making big changes in their life and-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... making these moves, is that people feel safe. I think that's something everyone deserves for their choices. When people are not breaking the law or doing something wrong or-
- LTLayla Taylor
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... it's almost like, can people just feel safe for their choices that are true to their soul and their heart? And-
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... I, I really hope, Layla, that you feel safe.
- LTLayla Taylor
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And that, you know, you get to explore the life and experience the life that you really, really want.
- LTLayla Taylor
Thank you. I appreciate that so much.
- JSJay Shetty
Layla, we end every episode of On Purpose with a Final Five.
- LTLayla Taylor
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
These questions have to be answered in one sentence.
- LTLayla Taylor
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
And so Layla-
- LTLayla Taylor
Let's do it
- JSJay Shetty
... these are your Final Five. Uh, question number one: What is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
- LTLayla Taylor
Your love for yourself has to be stronger than your desire to be loved.
- JSJay Shetty
That's great advice. Who told you that?
- LTLayla Taylor
I think I just saw it on, like, Pinterest. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] I love that.
- LTLayla Taylor
Actually, but I feel like it's like-
- JSJay Shetty
That's so good
Episode duration: 57:21
Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript
Transcript of episode TWdo5rsuW70
