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Jay Shetty Podcast

Tennis Champion Nick Kyrgios Opens Up On His Darkest Days "No one knew..."

Today, I'm honored to welcome celebrated athlete and seven-time ATP title winner, Nick Kyrgios, to the podcast.

Nick KyrgiosguestJay Shettyhost

Dec 11, 20231h 33mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Time away from tennis: not missing the sport, valuing life off-court
Jay Shetty asks how Nick Kyrgios’s relationship with tennis has changed while injured and away. Nick admits he often doesn’t miss tennis when he steps away, and he’s been enjoying time with his partner, family, and friends—though the sport is still part of his identity.
- •Nick says it’s “scary” that he doesn’t miss tennis much when he’s away
- •He contrasts himself with athletes who feel hungry to return after time off
- •He describes the travel demands of tennis and missing family and friends
- •He acknowledges tennis is what he’s known since childhood and tied to how others know him
A childhood that began with hating tennis—and the pressure of family sacrifice
Nick shares that he hated tennis as a kid and initially cried through early sessions. After a coach noticed he was picking it up quickly, his parents invested heavily, and Nick describes feeling imposter syndrome as his life rapidly changed once he started succeeding.
- •Nick says he was chubby as a kid and his mom pushed him into sport
- •He recalls crying at the courts and hating tennis at first
- •A coach’s early validation became a turning point for family commitment
- •Nick describes his parents’ sacrifices and the weight of expectations
- •He says he never envisioned beating top players and now feels imposter syndrome
The “bad boy” label: media branding vs. who he says he is
Jay raises the “bad boy of tennis” reputation, and Nick explains how painful it has been to be misbranded. He describes himself off-court as generous, caring, and thoughtful, and says it has been exhausting trying to convince people he’s not the caricature they expect.
- •Nick says the media branded him as “crazy” and a “bad boy”
- •He describes how people assume he’s a bad person before meeting him
- •He says the label set in early on tour and has affected his family and partner
- •He describes giving up on trying to make everyone understand him
- •He says people often want to meet only the version they’ve seen on-court
On-court emotion, selective clips, and why anger can look like his whole identity
Nick explains he becomes a different person when competing and that his emotions show how much he cares. He argues that broadcasts highlight brief outbursts, making it seem like that’s the entire match, and says that misrepresentation is hard to control.
- •Nick says he’s always been emotional on court and hates losing
- •He frames anger as an outlet for pressure during long matches
- •He criticizes how short clips (20–30 seconds) become the dominant story
- •He says most of the time he’s respectful and composed
- •Jay reflects that Nick seems calm and kind in person, creating a stark contrast
2019: negative social media, substance use, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts
Nick recounts 2019 as the darkest period of his life, driven by constant negative messages and a growing belief that critics might be right. He describes drinking nightly, isolating, entering a psychiatric ward in London, self-harm, and having suicidal thoughts while still competing publicly.
- •Nick says negativity was highly accessible through social media and seeped in subconsciously
- •He describes doubting himself and falling into unhealthy habits
- •He recounts drinking every night and ignoring friends’ concerns
- •He says he went to a psychiatric ward in London and was advised to stay longer
- •He describes self-harm and concealing it (including wearing an arm sleeve)
- •He recalls suicidal thoughts in Acapulco while still going on to win a tournament
Getting through the darkest moments: playing for others and living “in bonus land”
Jay asks how Nick broke through those moments, and Nick describes shifting his purpose toward family, fans, and especially kids who look up to him. He says his loved ones standing by him saved his life, and he now tries to live day-by-day with a mindset that everything is a bonus.
- •Nick says he stopped centering decisions only on his feelings and began focusing outward
- •He describes being motivated by fans and meeting a Make-A-Wish child
- •He says he might have quit earlier if he played purely based on emotions
- •He credits his family and close circle with standing by him through reckless behavior
- •He repeats that everything now feels like a “bonus” after wanting to end his life
- •He says he avoids over-planning and stays present because anything can be taken away
Wimbledon final: disbelief, presence in the moment, and what the stage meant
Nick describes making the Wimbledon final as surreal and almost funny in disbelief, emphasizing how present he felt walking onto the court. He frames the run as a moment when sacrifices and training made sense, and says he isn’t defined by losing the final because it still felt like a bonus.
- •Nick says he was laughing inside and felt it “shouldn’t be me”
- •He describes walking out with Djokovic behind him and the royal family watching
- •He says that moment made every sacrifice and training decision make sense
- •He recalls stepping on court felt like being “home” despite not sleeping well
- •He says he isn’t disappointed in a consuming way because the experience itself was a bonus
Exhaustion, pain, and imagining life after tennis
The conversation shifts to the long-term toll of performance pressure and injuries. Nick says he’s exhausted, in daily pain, and has had multiple surgeries; he talks about being content with life and considering a limited timeline to play before retiring on his own terms.
- •Nick says his anger on court is tied to caring and wanting success for his whole team
- •He admits he hoped winning Wimbledon might silence critics, then calls it “false hope”
- •He says he’s tired and physically hurting, including pain when walking
- •He says difficult years accelerated his exhaustion and made him feel like a “circus animal”
- •He states he’s at peace with playing about one to two more years and then stopping
Rehab uncertainty and the pressure of expectations to return
Jay asks how Nick handles anxiety about people expecting him to play by a certain time. Nick describes the slow grind of rehab and the desire to return only if he can reach a high level again, rather than coming back just to be decent.
- •Nick describes the pressure of public expectations while he’s still recovering
- •He says rehab requires months of strength, consistency, and diligence
- •He emphasizes he wants to return to competing at the top level, not just participate
- •He acknowledges he’s only human and recovery takes time
Haters, “the villain” persona, and how different countries feel to play in
Nick explores what he wishes critics understood, and how he sometimes played into a villain character because it attracted attention and brand interest. He also compares crowd and media experiences across countries, describing why he dislikes playing in Australia and England, and why he feels at home in the US and enjoys Asia.
- •Nick says he’d want to ask haters why they dislike him and listen more
- •He describes being pre-judged as arrogant, crazy, and volatile—even by people close to him initially
- •He says he sometimes played the character because that’s what audiences and brands wanted
- •He recalls a moment in Australia where being booed after a long match deeply affected him
- •He says he feels scrutinized in England and energized in the US Open environment
- •He adds that he loves playing in Asia for the respect and appreciation of entertainment
Tennis, privilege, and the mental load of nonstop public judgment
Nick argues tennis is a “white privileged sport” and says his identity and personality put him “behind the eight ball” from the start. Jay and Nick discuss how constant media attention and online criticism can overwhelm the brain, and Nick questions whether the damage to his relationship with the sport can be repaired.
- •Nick says he felt he was fighting more than the opponent: media and public narratives too
- •He describes feeling he couldn’t win: good behavior was “boring,” mistakes proved the stereotype
- •He reacts to a photo where he looks spent and explains being used for marketing despite feeling mistreated
- •Nick says if he could redo life, he wouldn’t pick up a racket, despite tennis building his life
- •He shares a traumatic incident involving someone coming to his house and threatening his mother
- •Jay frames the harm as what comes with the sport—media, scrutiny, and volume of opinions
Relationships in the spotlight: boundaries, respect, and social media expectations
Jay asks how Nick maintains a healthy relationship under public scrutiny. Nick credits strong boundaries, respect, patience, and diligence on social media, and says prior toxic relationships taught him what doesn’t work.
- •Nick calls being in a public relationship “brutal” and says people try to tear you down
- •He emphasizes strong boundaries and mutual respect as the foundation
- •He shares advice from his mother about patience and communication
- •He says social media behavior can build tension and must be handled carefully
- •Jay adds that different partners can have different sharing styles without it indicating problems
Life beyond tennis: gratitude, family gatherings, travel, and what keeps him motivated
Nick describes finding joy in simple off-court moments, especially time with family after a period when he withdrew from them. He shares traditions like a large family Christmas party, discusses travel and favorite places, and says seeing young kids imitate his style motivates him.
- •Nick says his proudest off-court moments are dinners and laughter with family
- •He describes an annual Christmas party at home with hundreds of people and themes
- •He says receiving videos of kids copying his shots and serve style feels meaningful
- •He references admiration for athletes who influence culture and authenticity
- •He talks about enjoying travel with his girlfriend, training, and attending basketball games
- •He names Australia as the best place in the world and highlights love for Asia’s food and culture
Grief, overthinking, and lessons from tennis about bouncing back
Nick shares that losing his grandmother still weighs on him, especially feeling he didn’t spend enough time with her as his career accelerated. He also reflects on replaying the Wimbledon final mentally for months, then explains how tennis teaches quick recovery from losses and emotional balance.
- •Nick describes his grandmother as his best friend and caregiver in childhood
- •He says career demands pulled him away from time he wishes he had with her
- •He explains nighttime overthinking and reframing grief as love and longing
- •He says he was two sets away from winning Wimbledon and obsessed over it for months
- •He describes tennis as teaching you to be a good loser and bounce back quickly
- •He says consistency and resetting matter because one good week can change everything
Press conferences, regret, anger resets, routines, and the Final Five
Nick explains why press conferences can bring out a side of him he regrets, citing lack of time to digest emotions after long matches and feeling attacked by media. He discusses racket-breaking as a possible reset when followed by a productive response, admits he struggles with routines and dark thoughts, and closes with Jay’s Final Five questions—including a law about living someone’s day before criticizing them.
- •Nick says post-match media happens too soon, before he’s eaten or processed emotions
- •He admits regretting moments where he came across disrespectful because it doesn’t reflect who he is
- •He says breaking a racket can sometimes release steam, but the response afterward is what matters
- •He says routine and consistency are his hardest challenges; he’s still a work in progress
- •He identifies a recurring struggle: feeling he’s “not enough” and fearing he’s letting people down
- •In the Final Five, he shares a best advice quote about highs and lows, and proposes a law requiring critics to do the person’s job for one business day

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