The BIG SIGNS You've Found THE ONE... (Find The Perfect Relationship) | Jay & Radhi Shetty

Jay Shetty 0:00 Be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves.

Radhi Shetty 0:06 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 0:06 Because chances are, if you like them the way they are when they are with other people, then you're likely to love them when they're with you, too. How did we meet?

Radhi Shetty 0:15 Okay, so how did we meet? Do you wanna tell the story?

Jay Shetty 0:17 No, you tell it.

Radhi Shetty 0:18 No, it's okay. You can tell it better.

Jay Shetty 0:19 Okay, I'll tell it.

Radhi Shetty 0:19 Okay, yeah, you tell it. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 0:20 [laughs] Okay, so we... The first time I actually met Radhi was before I became a monk, and I met her very briefly. I thought she was beautiful and, and, and attractive-

Radhi Shetty 0:35 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 0:35 ... but I didn't really think anything of it. Like, I just... I genuinely just was so focused on what I was doing at life at that time, and I was so spiritually inclined and spiritually focused that I, I literally didn't think anything of it.

Radhi Shetty 0:48 Yeah, and my mum introduced me to you.

Jay Shetty 0:51 Yes.

Radhi Shetty 0:51 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 0:51 So I should tell that story.

Radhi Shetty 0:53 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 0:53 So actually, I met Radhi's mum even before I met her.

Radhi Shetty 0:57 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 0:58 And so I was training to become a monk, and I met Radhi's mum, and I was asked to show her how to do a particular, uh, service at the temple. So I had to take her around, et cetera. Now, the incredible thing about this is that that is the only time-

Radhi Shetty 1:17 You ever asked [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:17 ... while I was there that I was ever asked to show-

Radhi Shetty 1:21 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:21 ... another person how to do this service. So the one day that I had to show-

Radhi Shetty 1:26 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:26 ... someone how to do this particular service, this voluntary service at the temple-

Radhi Shetty 1:30 It was my mumma

Jay Shetty 1:30 ... was the one day that her mum turned up. And at that time, I didn't know she had a daughter. I didn't know anything about this lady. I was like, "Oh, she's around my mum's age."

Radhi Shetty 1:38 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:39 And, and she was, she was wonderful, and, and we got along, but I was just showing her what to do, and then literally didn't speak to her.

Radhi Shetty 1:45 No. And then my mum wanted me to get more involved in, um... and I really wanted to get more involved in, um, like the spiritual side of my life. And so she met him and wanted me to, um, get introduced to the youth community there. And so she passed on my number to you, but you passed it on to your sister.

Jay Shetty 2:04 Yeah, absolutely.

Radhi Shetty 2:05 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:05 Yeah, so I passed it on to my sister. I was like, "No, I need to stay focused, do my thing." And my sister's very spiritually inclined, too. Big shout-out to Amy.

Radhi Shetty 2:12 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:13 And, and then, yeah, and then you guys got connected, and you became friends.

Radhi Shetty 2:16 Yeah. And actually, at that point, my mum had said to me, "Oh, you know, I met this really nice, um, really nice guy at the temple." And she was like, to me, "Oh, after I met him, I prayed, and I was like, 'Oh, I hope my daughter meets somebody like this.'"

Jay Shetty 2:26 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 2:26 "I know he's gonna be a monk, but I hope she meets someone that's like this, 'cause he seems really nice." Um, little did he know what was gonna happen. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 2:33 And then? Go on.

Radhi Shetty 2:35 And then, um, then what happened? He became a monk.

Jay Shetty 2:39 Mm-hmm.

Radhi Shetty 2:40 I heard you speak. Oh, I heard him speak all the time, because he used to do lots of, um, youth programs or university talks. And so-

Jay Shetty 2:49 Sessions on philosophy, meditation.

Radhi Shetty 2:51 Yeah, philosophy, meditation. And I was just like, "Oh, my gosh, he's such an incredible speaker," and the way that he, um, makes such incredible wisdom so relevant to us, who were, like, young teenagers or... Yeah, yeah, not young teenagers anymore.

Jay Shetty 3:05 You weren't a teenager. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 3:05 I was a teenager. I was still a teenager.

Jay Shetty 3:06 No, you weren't.

Radhi Shetty 3:07 Wasn't I 18?

Jay Shetty 3:07 No, you weren't.

Radhi Shetty 3:08 No, I wasn't. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:09 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 3:09 How old was I?

Jay Shetty 3:10 One thing you're gonna realize throughout this whole interview-

Radhi Shetty 3:12 Yeah, I'm so bad at time

Jay Shetty 3:12 ... is that I'm the one who remembers all the dates.

Radhi Shetty 3:14 I'm like-

Jay Shetty 3:15 I'm the one who remembers everything

Radhi Shetty 3:16 ... yeah, I don't remember anything. I barely remember things that happened, like, two years ago. Um, so no, I wasn't a teenager. I was out of university, which feels like a long time ago. So I was in my 20s, and, uh, yeah, I saw him speak, and I just thought it was so incredible how he was able to articulate such, yeah, such deep wisdom in a way that was so relevant to people who were so young and, and probably wouldn't have been so interested in reading a book about it. Um, and so I was in awe of him, and he also looked really cool. He had, like, a bald head. He didn't look like the type of person who was gonna be speaking about these things. He had, like, tattoos and a bald head. But then he was in robes, and I was like, "This is really, really cool but weird at the same time." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:56 [laughs] You're so strange.

Radhi Shetty 3:57 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 3:58 [laughs] And, and then it was... Then when I left being a monk, which is a whole story in itself, we can talk about that another day. When I, when I left being a monk, her and my sister were really, really close.

Radhi Shetty 4:09 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 4:10 And me and my sister are really, really close. I trust my sister. She's one of my best friends. And-

Radhi Shetty 4:15 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 4:15 ... I sat down with her one day, and she said, "Well, you know what? Radhi likes someone." And, and I was just like, "Oh, who?" And I was thinking she was gonna say some other person's name.

Radhi Shetty 4:24 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 4:24 And she's like, "She really likes you." And I was like, "Oh, I, I really like her. Like, I'd love to get to know her better." And we'd, we'd interacted. We'd had-

Radhi Shetty 4:32 Yeah

Jay Shetty 4:32 ... we'd got to know each other a bit better, because we'd organized charity events together, et cetera.

Radhi Shetty 4:36 Yeah, we had.

Jay Shetty 4:37 And so I, I'd seen her not in the role of being a girlfriend, obviously, or someone that I was dating. I'd seen her interact with other people-

Radhi Shetty 4:46 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 4:47 ... other, other humans, uh, inside a project management organization, organizing events. So I'd seen her personality and, like, observed how she behaved around certain people, how she had talked to people, how she interacted with people. And, and based on all those things, I, I thought she was a great person. So when my sister told me that, I was, I was secretly quite happy as well.

Radhi Shetty 5:08 And I always heard about him through his sister, and his sister would talk about him with so much love and affection. And he treats her like she's his baby. No matter how old she gets, she's literally like his baby. And I used to see, like, conversations between them. I used to be like, "Oh, my gosh, he's so sweet. Like, he's so sweet," even though he's... Yeah, he's gone off being a monk, but he was still really, really caring and loving towards, towards his sister and his family. And then, yeah, I had told her that I liked him before, before, uh, he knew about it, or before you'd probably even thought about it.

Jay Shetty 5:37 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 5:37 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 5:38 So then, so then that was it, really. That's how we met. We almost met before I became a monk, barely, barely connected-

Radhi Shetty 5:44 But yeah, no, we had conversations

Jay Shetty 5:45 ... et cetera. Yeah, never had conversations.

Radhi Shetty 5:47 Yeah, never had conversations.

Jay Shetty 5:47 Never spoke, but, but had just seen each other in our own elements.

Radhi Shetty 5:51 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 5:52 And then when I left, left being a monk, uh, you know, later that year, we, we started going out.

Radhi Shetty 5:59 We did.

Jay Shetty 5:59 And so that was- Around the, towards the end of 2013

Radhi Shetty 6:03 And then it just went really fast.

Jay Shetty 6:04 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 6:04 We both, we both kind of, as soon as we spoke about it, we both knew that we wanted to be with each other, and we were really certain about it. And it could have gone really wrong-

Jay Shetty 6:13 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 6:13 But we were like, we could have both been really crazy. Um, but it ended up just working out. We both really had kind of understood each other just by observing one another I guess. And, um, there were a few surprises I'm sure. But, um-

Jay Shetty 6:25 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 6:26 [laughs] We, yeah, we got along straight away, and we were both pretty much went from, "Yeah, I really like you," to, "Yeah, I love you," in like a day.

Jay Shetty 6:32 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 6:32 And then it was like, "Yeah, we wanna get married," in like a week.

Jay Shetty 6:34 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 6:34 Um, as in we didn't get married in a week, but we wanted to, we said we wanted to get married eventually in a week after that. Um, and then we ended up spending a lot of time at each other's homes, right? Um, he was spending a lot of time at my house for ages. Um, I mean, that's pretty much where I took him to have all of our dates because [laughs] I loved being around my family, and I was like, best of both worlds. I can be around the person that I wanna spend the rest of my life with and the people that I've spent most of my life with. Um, and so yeah, most of our dates would, would involve my parents-

Jay Shetty 7:03 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 7:04 ... um, and my sister and my brother-in-law at the time. And so we got to know each other kind of in our own environments as well really fast, which I think helped us fast-forward a lot easier.

Jay Shetty 7:15 Yeah, absolutely.

Radhi Shetty 7:16 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 7:16 And, and I remember that my sister gave me like an action plan. She's like, "This is what you're gonna get along on."

Radhi Shetty 7:21 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 7:21 "This is what you're gonna struggle with."

Radhi Shetty 7:23 Oh, yeah.

Jay Shetty 7:23 "And this is gonna be your challenges." And, and, and I definitely owe it to her to bring us together.

Radhi Shetty 7:27 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 7:27 Like, I think she was a huge part of-

Radhi Shetty 7:29 I completely agree. She was

Jay Shetty 7:30 ... us being together, my sister definitely. And, and she was like, sh- because she knows me so well, and I feel she got to know you well as well-

Radhi Shetty 7:36 Definitely

Jay Shetty 7:36 ... she was just like, "This is what you guys are gonna agree on."

Radhi Shetty 7:38 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 7:38 "This is what you're not gonna agree on. This..." Yeah, and it was just, it was so nice to have that-

Radhi Shetty 7:43 Yeah

Jay Shetty 7:43 ... because you could go into a relationship having more understanding of the other person.

Radhi Shetty 7:48 Can I just say, one of the things she said that we wouldn't get along on is Bollywood, because I loved Bollywood songs and films at the time, but y- you like a good Bollywood song-

Jay Shetty 7:56 Questionable

Radhi Shetty 7:56 ... once in a while. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 7:57 Questionable. Yeah, questionable. Yeah. No, I, I decided to get over that.

Radhi Shetty 8:00 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 8:01 Like, and, and you, you barely, yeah.

Radhi Shetty 8:02 Yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 8:03 You, you could've got over it.

Radhi Shetty 8:03 Still, still have a love for it. Still have-

Jay Shetty 8:05 Yeah. But yeah, we spent a, a lot of our time at each other's parent's homes and with our families-

Radhi Shetty 8:09 We did, yeah

Jay Shetty 8:10 ... which was great because you got to be yourself. I used to love what your mom used to tell you [laughs] when she'd come over.

Radhi Shetty 8:13 My mom was so funny. So obvious- like, it was a person to her that was, you know, we were dating. And so usually you would put in a lot of effort in the way that you dress and, uh, doing your hair when y- the person you're dating comes over. But, um, yeah, I would literally be in the same clothes that I was wearing, like, the whole day, which was pretty much like pajama bottoms and, and a really scruffy top. And my mom would be like, "Do you not wanna maybe-"

Jay Shetty 8:38 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 8:38 "... you know, put a different top on, or you don't wanna change your trousers?" I was like, "No, Mom, if he can't love me in what I'm wearing right now, which is what he's probably gonna see me in for the rest of his life, then it's just not meant to be, okay? We have... [laughs] Like, he has to love me for..." And she went, "Okay, but you could try, you know, a little bit." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 8:53 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 8:54 I was like, "No." And it worked, so. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 8:56 And yeah. [laughs] And she's so beautiful and cute, like, even when she's dressed all hobo chic, I'm just like, "I love it," you know?

Radhi Shetty 9:02 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:02 And, and it's quite nice actually. Like, I've, I've, I genuinely believe this, like I've, I've rarely see her with makeup on. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 9:08 Yes. Same.

Jay Shetty 9:09 And so like, it's, it's fun when you, when you fall in love with someone w- based on who they are and their personality and their energy and-

Radhi Shetty 9:15 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 9:15 ... all of that beauty shines through, so yeah. I love you. So that leads us nicely on to the next point-

Radhi Shetty 9:21 Okay. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:21 ... that our friends wanted to discuss, which is what's the key to starting off a relationship well?

Radhi Shetty 9:27 What's the key to starting a relationship well?

Jay Shetty 9:28 Like, what's the key to starting it off well? So one thing for me was, was this, that because we didn't see each other in dating environments-

Radhi Shetty 9:37 Yeah

Jay Shetty 9:37 ... a lot, I feel like dating environments put this pressure of being in an interview. So I compared dates to interviews. It's almost like you have to put your best foot forward. You wear your best clothes. You try and say all the best things. And even if it's not the best actually, it's us trying to be right, and that's what we do in interviews. When you go on an interview for a job, it's like you wanna be the right fit.

Radhi Shetty 9:57 For that person.

Jay Shetty 9:58 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 9:58 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 9:58 And that's what happens in a dating scenario. Like, you're sitting opposite a desk just like you do in an interview.

Radhi Shetty 10:02 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 10:03 And then someone's asking you a question, and you're like, "Okay, well, what do I have to say to make them like me or to say the right thing?" Whereas we didn't really get to do that.

Radhi Shetty 10:10 No. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 10:10 And I'm not saying that that was a conscious choice, but now when I look back at it and I reflect on it and introspect on it, I'm like, we didn't really get an opportunity-

Radhi Shetty 10:19 No

Jay Shetty 10:19 ... to date in that sense, and that means that I got exposed to the real her either by seeing her in a charity organization, seeing her in a real-life scenario, how does she treat normal people, and then how she is with her family. And I'm like, that's the best view you can get of someone. And so when I look at that in terms of giving advice or tips or whatever, my recommendation is be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves.

Radhi Shetty 10:47 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 10:48 Because chances are, if you like them the way they are when they are with other people, then you're likely to love them when they're with you too. And so often we only see people that we are considering being romantic with or dating, et cetera, we only see them in dates and dinners and movie nights and whatever it is, right?

Radhi Shetty 11:04 Mm-hmm. Yeah, I agree. I feel like you seeing... And also seeing people with the people that they're closest to, because you can't really fake it with the people that you're closest to.

Jay Shetty 11:13 Mm-hmm.

Radhi Shetty 11:13 I mean, and if you can, you can do it for a really short period of time, and you also end up seeing them being probably at their worst and at their best. Because you can be the most loving to your family, but you can also be the worst person towards your family because they're the ones that accept it. And so yeah, I feel like you get a good image of who the person is through, through interacting with them that way.

Jay Shetty 11:31 Absolutely.

Radhi Shetty 11:31 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 11:32 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 11:32 Good point.

Jay Shetty 11:33 Thanks.

Radhi Shetty 11:33 Nicely said. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 11:34 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 11:35 It's true, yeah. And, and, and the other thing is I, so when we first got together, I'd left being a monk probably like seven months before, so it'd been like a seven-month gap, and I didn't have a job.

Radhi Shetty 11:47 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 11:47 I had-

Radhi Shetty 11:48 Oh, yeah

Jay Shetty 11:48 ... I had no job. I had no money.

Radhi Shetty 11:50 Nope. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 11:51 I was getting rejected left, right, and center from every single place that I was applying to, because I'd been a monk for three years, and no one wanted to hire someone who had monk written on their resume.

Radhi Shetty 12:02 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 12:02 Like, no one's like, "Oh yeah, we'd love your transferable skills."

Radhi Shetty 12:05 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 12:05 Like, you know? Like, what do you know? And so, "Oh, you can meditate for four hours. Great. We need that in our organization."

Radhi Shetty 12:10 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 12:11 So it was just, there was no, I had nothing really.

Radhi Shetty 12:14 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:15 And- That's a great way to start [laughs] dating someone, because there's very... I remember I used to save up, so I used to, like, try and work part-time.

Radhi Shetty 12:23 Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 12:23 And I was doing everything I could to-

Radhi Shetty 12:25 You were tutoring

Jay Shetty 12:25 ... I was tutoring.

Radhi Shetty 12:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:26 So I would, like, I would be tutoring young people for their exams or university exams, et cetera, and I would, I'd be making, like, you know, 15 pounds an hour or whatever it was. And I remember I'd save up so I could take her out on a date at the end of the month.

Radhi Shetty 12:39 Yeah

Jay Shetty 12:39 And so that we could do something fun. And, and I loved the fact, I loved that because I met her at a time when, when I had nothing, and she accepted me for it.

Radhi Shetty 12:49 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:50 And I love her for that. And also, her, her parents were always really cool about it. So sometimes that can be a big pressure from parents and expectations, but her parents were really cool about it. They never made me feel uncomfortable about it or anything. And my parents obviously were very comfortable with me. They were just like, "Follow your heart, do what's right for you." Very, very encouraging. And I'm, I'm not, I don't come from a well-off background at all or anything, so it's not that I had a backup plan, but my parents were still very, very encouraging and supportive.

Radhi Shetty 13:17 Mm. Yeah, I, I, I... That was never, uh, in my mind, to be honest. I was, I knew I wanted to be with you, and so I was like, to my mom, "Even if we end up living in a really tiny house just by, like, near the temple that I used to go to, and just, I know that I want to spend my life with him, so whatever it ends up being." And you were really, really, um, enthusiastic, and you had so much purpose. And even from the beginning, like, you were so driven to do whatever you wanted to do. I didn't know what that was at the time. Um, but I, you were so driven that I just knew whatever it was, whatever we were meant to be was what was gonna happen. And so, and I knew you would never, you would always, like, gonna be there to take care of me, and I felt that from the beginning. Like, I always felt supported. You wanna hold hands? Yeah.

Jay Shetty 13:58 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 13:58 I'm not good at PDA.

Jay Shetty 13:59 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 13:59 So I'm gonna not do that. Um-

Jay Shetty 14:01 Oh my God, just been rejected on camera.

Radhi Shetty 14:03 There you go.

Jay Shetty 14:03 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 14:04 Um, yeah, so that was [laughs] it was, it was really nice, and I feel like he had a lot of the qualities that I always felt... I would always grow up saying, "Oh, I really want a husband that was like my dad." Like, I love my dad, and he was always someone that I felt very protected and supported by. And so I d- definitely, now looking back at it, I felt those qualities in him as I got to know him. And so I thought, yeah, that was, that was nice. And my parents, yeah, my parents, my parents didn't care either. I always thought it would be, you know, you always think in Indian families that's gonna be an issue. But they loved him from the start. He's got really good... I don't know whether you guys have noticed, but he's got a really good way of saying things and, and winning people over by his words. [laughs] So, um-

Jay Shetty 14:41 It's real, though

Radhi Shetty 14:41 ... I know, that's why it's genuine and it's sweet. So from those interactions, I think my parents trusted him very easily as well. Um-

Jay Shetty 14:47 Yeah, I really get along with your parents.

Radhi Shetty 14:49 I know. Yeah, and it was so great for me, because Aimee was already like my sister, and me and your mom got along straight away 'cause we bonded over food. And so yeah, it was really easy for us both to, to join into each family.

Jay Shetty 15:01 But yeah, another thing I think that's really important at the start of a relationship is self-awareness and setting expectations. So I feel that having done the work as a monk and having been through that experience myself, I'd gained so much self-awareness. So I was really aware of what type of partner I needed in my life. I was really aware of what I needed in my life to flourish, to thrive. And so when I met someone, it was very easy for me, it was very easy and simple for me to communicate my expectations to her, and be like... I, I, I remember one of the things I said and-

Radhi Shetty 15:37 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:37 ... this is not offensive at all, it's, it's genuinely how I felt at the time. And I said that, "If you want a husband who goes to IKEA on the weekends and, and to the cinema, like, I'm not that guy." And I didn't mean that as a bad thing, if anyone is that. What I meant that as is I wanna be someone who lives a life of purpose, and I want my life to be about service, and I want my life to have an impact on people's lives. And I need a partner that's gonna understand that, embrace that, and roll with that as well, and wants to live not a normal life, because that wasn't gonna work for me if I really wanted to have an impact, if I really wanted to make a difference, if I really wanted to serve. And so that wasn't an ego thing. It wasn't me thinking I'm, I'm better or above or special. It was me saying, "This is a priority for me."

Radhi Shetty 16:20 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 16:21 "And I don't need it to be your priority, but I need you to understand it to be mine." And I think this is really important that we should feel that if we're genuinely committed to something, when you make someone aware, and same back from her side too, like, when she, and she'll share hers, but when she's made me aware of what her priorities are and what's important to her-

Radhi Shetty 16:40 Mm

Jay Shetty 16:41 ... you start respecting what's important to the other person rather than expecting them to trade theirs, right? And that's usually what happens in relationships in the beginning, is instead of showing respect for the other people's passion, you expect them to change their passion for yours-

Radhi Shetty 16:56 Mm

Jay Shetty 16:56 ... or compromise and be excited about your stuff. And, and I don't think that that's the right way. I think it's us being clear about ourselves, communicating that, and then respecting what the other person communicates. That is-

Radhi Shetty 17:07 And I think we discussed that really early on, actually.

Jay Shetty 17:09 Yeah, for sure.

Radhi Shetty 17:10 And just to be clear, he has come to IKEA with me on the weekends. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 17:12 [laughs] And movies too.

Radhi Shetty 17:14 Yeah, and movies too. Um, but yeah, no, I, I understood the, the point of it. And I remember at that time when he was really pushing for what he wanted to do, um, he was very, very busy, and so there were certain things... I mean, he spent a lot of time with me and my family. But we had just agreed that, look, if there was extended things that I had to go to, because with families, there's always other things that you have to go to, like family friends or relatives' houses for every event possible. And if that happened, then I knew that I was okay with him not coming to them, and I said that to him from the beginning, that-

Jay Shetty 17:44 You're amazing as well for doing that

Radhi Shetty 17:45 ... if you need to go and do something which is, I know, for you more important, not because, for, for the purpose that you want to live, then I totally understand that comes above you just coming to another party which people are not probably gonna remember. Like, it's, it's okay. Um, and I think that was really, actually really important for us. Because you can always hear what other people say, like family members or friends or whatever will always have a different opinion. And so as long as you feel like you have, um, discussed it and you really understand that person's point of view, then you don't feel kind of, it doesn't rub off on you when people say things, because you understand it deeply. Whereas if you don't, then I think it's really easy to get swayed by other people's view of life or other people's way of relationships or whatever it is. Like, you can get, that can rub off on you very easily. But if you really understand that person and why they're doing it, I think that can make a big difference to you supporting them in why then, why they're doing it.

Jay Shetty 18:42 Thank you.

Radhi Shetty 18:42 Oh my God-

Jay Shetty 18:43 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 18:43 ... this, this holding hands thing.

Jay Shetty 18:45 And, and we had, and we had to, you know, realize, and I really appreciated that from her. Like, I, I really valued that-

Radhi Shetty 18:52 Yeah

Jay Shetty 18:52 ... because it wasn't about seeing something as less, it was about seeing something as a priority for me.

Radhi Shetty 18:58 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 18:59 And, and having someone who understood that and trusted me-

Radhi Shetty 19:03 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 19:03 ... and, and allow me to have that space strengthened us.

Radhi Shetty 19:06 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:06 And we also very quickly became our... We became a team.

Radhi Shetty 19:10 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 19:11 So when it came to our families or, like, demands, and for anyone who's from an Asian family or an Indian family knows that-

Radhi Shetty 19:17 It's a big deal

Jay Shetty 19:18 ... it's a big deal.

Radhi Shetty 19:19 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 19:19 Like, family's a big deal-

Radhi Shetty 19:20 Yeah

Jay Shetty 19:20 ... and it gets very involved in a relationship. And I remember saying to her really early on, I was like, "It's me and you. Like, we're a team."

Radhi Shetty 19:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:27 "Like, it's us. And, and we have to think like that because we've gotta wake up next to each other every single day-

Radhi Shetty 19:32 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 19:32 ... of our lives. We've gotta go to sleep together with each other every day of our lives. We've gotta be in each other's face and space every single day of each other of our lives."

Radhi Shetty 19:40 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 19:40 "So it's, it's us. We have to be a team." And, and then very quickly, like, I found that when, when it was anything to do with my family or my commitments, et cetera, then I would have her back.

Radhi Shetty 19:49 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:49 And whenever she was anywhere and it was about me, she would have my back, and that built, like, a really strong bond early on for us.

Radhi Shetty 19:55 Yeah, I a- I completely agree. And even if we wanted to discuss it between us and we had a different opinion to the other person, at least to the, like, people that we were speaking to, if we had each other's back, the other person felt supported and, and comforted by that. Whereas I feel if you're... Yeah, you- it's just so hard to fight that battle between, between the person that you love and, like, the people that you, you've spent your whole life with. Um, but I think when you know you're going to... When you understand the reason behind it, I just... Yeah, I keep coming back to that, but I really think it makes such a difference.

Jay Shetty 20:26 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 20:27 I remember earlier on in our relationship when we were talking about spending time with each other's family or even each other, uh, you said something to me which has stuck with me for a really long time-

Jay Shetty 20:36 I'm scary

Radhi Shetty 20:36 ... still now.

Jay Shetty 20:37 Scary, huh?

Radhi Shetty 20:38 Um, no, it was really good. He was saying how, you know, we can spend so much quantity of time with people, and it can be spent doing so many different things. You're with each other, but you're actually doing, like... Okay, you're watching a film, or you're, um, on your phones, or you're spending the whole day together, but how much are you actually interacting with each other? And so I really loved that he would always choose quality time over necessarily, no, like, over, like, quantity. So even if he's spending a short amount of time with me or my family or my friends, he would always make sure he's got... Like, they've got his full attention. Like, he would really make them feel, and he genuinely felt that way, that he was investing his full self into that moment, and I think that made- makes such a difference. And I never understood that at the time because it was always like, you know, when you're spending time with family, it's just s- family time. But it really made me think about how I spend time with people rather than the amount of time I spend time with people. And as I've seen you do that while we've been together, I just think, I've noticed how much people appreciate your full attention and how deeply you connect to them even in such a short pa- space of time. Whereas I've been, like, the type of person who can spend an hour with someone, and my mind can be somewhere else, and it's, it's a training-

Jay Shetty 21:48 It's fun

Radhi Shetty 21:48 ... no, it is. It's a training thing, definitely, and I've learned that from you. But it's an incredible quality to have to be able to invest your full self into a conversation or a person. And that's why, like, he... It's actually really annoying, but he remembers everything. Like, he remembers everybody's name, everything I said, like, five weeks ago, everything I was wearing. Like, it's an amazing quality, but it can also be very annoying because I don't have that memory. So he's like, "No, you said this, like, three weeks ago." It's like, "No, I didn't."

Jay Shetty 22:13 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 22:14 But I don't have, like, a book that I write things down in, so I have to take his word for it. But yeah.

Jay Shetty 22:17 Five, five almonds a day, guys. Five almonds a day.

Radhi Shetty 22:19 Five almonds, yes.

Jay Shetty 22:20 As my mom would tell me. But no, I-

Radhi Shetty 22:22 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:22 Thank you. I really appreciate that.

Radhi Shetty 22:23 Yeah, I remember that-

Jay Shetty 22:24 It's really kind, but-

Radhi Shetty 22:24 ... from quality time

Jay Shetty 22:25 ... and, and, you know, she'd always make an effort to... And this is where it comes to using your skills and talents.

Radhi Shetty 22:30 Mm.

Jay Shetty 22:30 Like, she'd always make an effort to, like, cook amazing stuff for my family. I remember when you made my sister a Minion cake-

Radhi Shetty 22:35 Oh, yeah

Jay Shetty 22:35 ... for her birthday.

Radhi Shetty 22:36 That took me a day and a half.

Jay Shetty 22:37 [laughs] And it looked epic.

Radhi Shetty 22:38 But it was so worth it.

Jay Shetty 22:39 Like, it looked so good.

Radhi Shetty 22:40 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:40 Like, it l- And I love Minions, too, so it was, it was so cute. And, and my mom still remembers the first torte you ever made-

Radhi Shetty 22:47 When I first came over

Jay Shetty 22:48 ... and brought it over when you first came over.

Radhi Shetty 22:49 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 22:49 And it's just, it's those things. So, you know, using your talents, using your skills, and, and people appreciate that even more than, like, taking a week or taking time, like she's saying, like, quantity. But the, the quality of a thought-

Radhi Shetty 23:04 Yeah

Jay Shetty 23:04 ... right? Even when people say, like, "It's the thought that counts," it's not. It's the quality of the thought that counts.

Radhi Shetty 23:09 Mm.

Jay Shetty 23:09 Like, that's, that's where we make an impact in people's lives. Third topic that our friends want us to discuss is love languages and-

Radhi Shetty 23:17 Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 23:18 ... and, and, and realizing and recognizing our own love languages and the love languages of someone else. So if you don't know what the love languages are, it's a great book by Gary Chapman. I've made lots of videos on it. So there are five love languages, and the five love languages are quality time, touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts. So all of us have multiple love languages, but we have a priority, a hierarchy order, and we both mostly value one or two as our top love languages, and everyone has them. So you can think about yours as well. This was an interesting lesson for me in relationships.

Radhi Shetty 23:52 It took a while-

Jay Shetty 23:53 It took a while

Radhi Shetty 23:53 ... for us to get there.

Jay Shetty 23:55 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 23:55 Definitely took a while.

Jay Shetty 23:56 It did.

Radhi Shetty 23:57 And we got it really wrong-

Jay Shetty 23:58 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 23:58 ... for a long time. [laughs] Like, it was... Yeah, it was definitely been a journey, for sure.

Jay Shetty 24:03 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 24:03 Because you always end up trying to give the person what you want. Like, it's, it's such a natural thing-

Jay Shetty 24:09 She's stealing my points.

Radhi Shetty 24:10 Oh, sorry, guys.

Jay Shetty 24:10 No, no, no. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 24:11 I forgot it's your show. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 24:13 [laughs] No, it's your show.

Radhi Shetty 24:14 Um, yeah, no, no, I'm just saying that it's so... I'm just th- thinking about it back 'cause I'm thinking about all the things I got wrong. Um, but it's so easy to always wanna give other people what you love receiving or what you love doing, um, for that person. Like, and I feel like your love languages can be different in what you like giving to other people and what you like receiving from other people. Like, I love cooking for people, and I really appreciate a good meal, but I wouldn't necessarily say that that's my way of showing love. It's not necessarily my way that I feel love given to me. Um, and yeah, I think it took a lot of trial and error.

Jay Shetty 24:47 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 24:47 It was a serious experiment going on-

Jay Shetty 24:49 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 24:49 ... for a couple of years-

Jay Shetty 24:51 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 24:51 ... until-

Jay Shetty 24:51 And she, and she's holding back right now, but literally-

Radhi Shetty 24:53 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 24:54 ... Radhi is hilarious. Like, she's, she's- The funniest person I know, she makes me laugh the most

Radhi Shetty 24:59 Yeah, I'm nervous right now

Jay Shetty 25:00 And, and when I- yeah

Radhi Shetty 25:01 Yeah [laughs]

Jay Shetty 25:01 And she's, she's getting into it. She's getting into it. You just need to go find some stories on Instagram. But when I, when-

Radhi Shetty 25:06 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 25:06 ... I first met her, and when you see her, you're like, "Oh, she's an elegant-"

Radhi Shetty 25:10 Oh, yeah

Jay Shetty 25:10 ... woman.

Radhi Shetty 25:11 She's elegant.

Jay Shetty 25:11 Elegant, graceful young woman. And, and I was just like, and I was just like, "Okay, so maybe she likes, like, like-

Radhi Shetty 25:18 Oh, yeah

Jay Shetty 25:19 ... grand gestures and elegant posh places." Like, that's what I thought, and this just shows us how, A, the media makes us assume what people like, or we, based on how someone appears, we assume what they like. And so that's what I did. I got it completely wrong.

Radhi Shetty 25:33 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 25:34 And I remember organizing our first date. We went to watch a theater show, which was actually really fun. And then we went to this restaurant that I booked, and this restaurant's called Locanda Locatelli.

Radhi Shetty 25:43 Which he must have, like, tutored for about a month to afford-

Jay Shetty 25:47 Tut- at that time

Radhi Shetty 25:47 ... that one-day date.

Jay Shetty 25:48 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 25:48 Literally.

Jay Shetty 25:49 Yeah, it was expensive. And this restaurant is, like, highly in demand, like David Beckham goes there, and it's, it's one of these, like, you know, very posh, very grand restaurant. And I thought that's what I needed to do. And it, and I was totally wrong.

Radhi Shetty 26:01 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 26:01 Like, we sat there. She looked so uninterested in this place and the date.

Radhi Shetty 26:05 And even, and I had to wear heels, and I don't wear heels.

Jay Shetty 26:07 Yeah. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 26:07 Like, literally, it was like I was in a dress I wouldn't normally wear because I thought that's what he wanted. So I was literally in like a dress that, like a really girly dress, which I wouldn't normally wear, and heels, which I normally wouldn't wear. Um, and so we were both sitting in this restaurant [laughs] and I was really hungry at the end of it, and I said to him at the end, I was like, "Look, even if you just take me on a walk in a really good supermarket" or what do they call it here? Grocery store?

Jay Shetty 26:30 Yeah, super- yeah.

Radhi Shetty 26:31 Grocery store, supermarket. I was like, "That is, like, the most epic date you could take me on. Get me a few treats from, like, the, from the shelves. We'll go down the gluten-free vegan aisle."

Jay Shetty 26:39 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 26:39 That would be the best date. And so after that, I think you kind of started understanding.

Jay Shetty 26:45 I think I still got it wrong a few times.

Radhi Shetty 26:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah, a few times. Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 26:47 Yeah, it was just ... And this is my point, like, we all get stuff wrong because of previous experiences, the media, what we think-

Radhi Shetty 26:54 Yeah

Jay Shetty 26:54 ... like all that kind of stuff. And I just kept, I got it wrong for a while, uh, because I just kept thinking about ... And then I was like, "Okay, she likes food. Okay, let's ..." Then, then [laughs] then I had a moment where it's like, oh, she likes food. So then all I did was buy her cards with food puns and food jokes.

Radhi Shetty 27:07 Which I really liked. So-

Jay Shetty 27:08 And then we only went to, like-

Radhi Shetty 27:09 That was good

Jay Shetty 27:09 ... food places for all our dates. So I was starting to get closer.

Radhi Shetty 27:11 You did. You took me on a, a date where we went cooking at, like, a-

Jay Shetty 27:15 Oh, that was fun

Radhi Shetty 27:15 ... Jamie Oliver thing.

Jay Shetty 27:16 Yeah, that was really good.

Radhi Shetty 27:16 That was fun.

Jay Shetty 27:17 Oh, yeah, that was a good date.

Radhi Shetty 27:18 Yeah, you did good. You did good.

Jay Shetty 27:19 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 27:19 Um, but yeah, it did take a lot. And even when I was ... And he's a gifts person.

Jay Shetty 27:23 Yeah, so I'm gifts and words of affirmation.

Radhi Shetty 27:25 And I think I'm wo- definitely words of affirmation and quality time maybe.

Jay Shetty 27:31 Yeah, I think so.

Radhi Shetty 27:31 Yeah, quality time. Do you like ... Yeah, do you like quality time? I think that they're my two.

Jay Shetty 27:35 Yeah, so you got it.

Radhi Shetty 27:36 Um, and yeah, what was I saying?

Jay Shetty 27:39 You were saying you like gifts. Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 27:41 Yeah, so I, I'm like, I'm not so much of a gift person. I don't think I ever really have been. Um, even, like, on my birthdays and stuff, like, all I really remember growing up is my dad would just take a day off and spend that time with me, and I used to just love that aspect of it rather than the gifts. I do like gifts, but they're just not my main thing. Um, and so I was trying to buy a gift for you, and he wanted, like, an iPad-type thing.

Jay Shetty 28:05 No, I wanted an iPad.

Radhi Shetty 28:06 You want ... [laughs] Okay, fine.

Jay Shetty 28:07 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 28:08 I thought he wanted an iPad-type thing, and so I was, like, looking around-

Jay Shetty 28:12 You thought I wanted a tablet

Radhi Shetty 28:13 ... I thought he wanted a tablet, and so I was literally looking around for the best spec and, like, really, really good, like, details of whatever was good and also good pricing-

Jay Shetty 28:22 A good price

Radhi Shetty 28:22 ... 'cause obviously, like, a good bargain is, is you need that if you're Indian.

Jay Shetty 28:25 Gujarati life.

Radhi Shetty 28:26 Um, yeah, if you're Gujarati, you need a good bargain. And so I was looking around, and I found this amazing ASUS tablet.

Jay Shetty 28:32 What is ASUS?

Radhi Shetty 28:33 An ASUS is a good brand, everybody. And so I thought, "Look, this looks like a really good one. Let me buy it." Got it, packed it up, gave it to him. I have never seen disappointment, like, so bad in my life from opening a gift because when he says he wants an, like, a tablet, he wanted an iPad. Um, and so I learned that he likes really, like, good quality, expensive gifts-

Jay Shetty 28:55 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 28:56 ... which I probably still haven't got.

Jay Shetty 28:58 No, but, but-

Radhi Shetty 28:58 Now, now I just tell him that I don't get gifts. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:00 But last year she organized the most incredible surprise birthday party. So I've loved surprises, and this is another thing about our childhood, et cetera, is I've loved surprises since I was a kid-

Radhi Shetty 29:12 Yeah

Jay Shetty 29:12 ... because my mom would always surprise me on my birthday.

Radhi Shetty 29:15 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 29:15 And so I'd really encourage you to reflect on where your preferences and priorities and things that you love get, like where does that come from? So for me, my love for surprises in life and in everything comes from my mom surprising me on my birthday.

Radhi Shetty 29:29 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 29:30 And I've never ... As you grow up, surprises become harder and harder to do for people.

Radhi Shetty 29:34 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 29:35 And last year she organized the most epic birthday surprise ever. So it happened two months after my birthday, so I was-

Radhi Shetty 29:41 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:42 ... not expecting it at all. She'd told me she was, like, cooking and catering for a friend's event, so she was cooking this whole week, like, working so hard on all of this stuff, and I was just like, "How important is this friend?"

Radhi Shetty 29:53 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:53 Because she was going through extreme lengths. And I was like, wow, like, she's really dedicated to this friend. And I, that was cool. Like, I appreciated it, and I was like, I love seeing her in her element and loving cooking for someone that she loves, and that was beautiful. And then I think I'm going to an event with my manager and my team the same night, so I'm like, "Oh, sorry, I won't be able to make it to your event," et cetera.

Radhi Shetty 30:14 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 30:14 Like, "I've got this. You've got that. Have fun." Like, "I hope it goes really, really well." And then I turn up, I open the door to this event, and it's, like, all of my friends from LA, like everyone that I love, everyone that really loves and believes in me, like they were all there. Everyone showed up. She made sure that literally every single person that I care about was there.

Radhi Shetty 30:32 I was like a stalker girlfriend looking through his phone at everyone that he mentioned.

Jay Shetty 30:36 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 30:36 I'd be like, "Let me find that person's number. Let me get that person's email address."

Jay Shetty 30:39 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 30:39 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 30:40 And literally it was just, it was genuinely, after my wedding, after that, the best thing that's ever happened to me. Like, it was that good. It was just amazing. Like, it was the most beautiful event. It was really heartfelt, really meaningful. We had an illusionist. I love magicians and illusionists.

Radhi Shetty 30:56 Yeah, you do.

Jay Shetty 30:57 And had an incredible show. We had an incredible DJ playing violin to some of my favorite songs. All my favorite people were there from, from LA specifically because it was in LA, and I just, I was just so blown away. Like, genuinely, I was, like, speechless for the first time in my life because she'd- ... completely outdone any expectation I could have ever had of a plan

Radhi Shetty 31:20 Which was the hardest thing ever for me, because it was the first time I wanted to show him that I really understood his love language. Um, and also, like, the effort that goes, that, that you go through to make something like that happen, one, I had no idea until I actually started going through it. And usually I would get to a point where I would find, like, a obstacle, and I'd be like, "You know what? It's just, I'll just take him somewhere instead."

Jay Shetty 31:41 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 31:41 Like, forget it. I don't need to do this. But he puts in a lot of thought into a lot of the dates that he plans, and so I really, really wanted to show him that I, like, that I really understand it, and, like, that I've observed things about him, and I really notice what he loves and, and, uh, appreciates. And so it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 31:58 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 31:58 Like, it was so hard. Pl- I'm not a planner. I'm not good at organizing. I'm, I'm just... It's not, not my, like, t- I wouldn't say it's my top three skills, let's just say that. But, um, I was just so happy that I did it, because, and it was genuinely, like, the love that I have for him is the only thing that got me through it, because otherwise I would have... Just basically never call me for party planning. Never.

Jay Shetty 32:18 But-

Radhi Shetty 32:18 I'm not a party planner

Jay Shetty 32:18 ... I'm so blessed to have her in my life.

Radhi Shetty 32:20 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 32:20 Because, and she cooked for everyone too, so.

Radhi Shetty 32:22 I did, yeah. It was-

Jay Shetty 32:22 She cooked for everyone. She organized the event. There were like 80 people there. It was amazing, and, and I'm so grateful to you for doing that. Like, literally, it was the best thing I could-

Radhi Shetty 32:29 I'm glad you liked it

Jay Shetty 32:30 ... could have ever... I loved it

Radhi Shetty 32:30 Thank God, 'cause imagine you hated it.

Jay Shetty 32:32 No, I loved it. I loved it. It was amazing. And, and yeah, it was just, it was incredible. And it just shows, like, we've been together now for nearly six years.

Radhi Shetty 32:41 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 32:42 And it takes time to learn about each other. It takes time to grow each other. But the point is, are you waking up enthusiastic and energetic every day to fall in love with that person again? Like, that's the question you have to ask yourself. Like, are you looking for more reasons to get that person to change for you, or are you looking for more reasons to be like, "No, I want us to fall more in love. I want us to learn about each other. I wanna give more to you every day. I wanna be better for you every day"? Or are you looking for how that person can be better for you?

Radhi Shetty 33:13 Mm.

Jay Shetty 33:13 And if it's the other way around, then most likely that relationship's not gonna last too long, or it's gonna be very one way. But if it's like, how can I be better for that person every single day? And it may take time, and it has taken us time-

Radhi Shetty 33:24 Yeah

Jay Shetty 33:25 ... to, to completely understand each other more, et cetera. And we've been through a lot, and I wanna get to that as well. But that, you know, it takes time, and it's okay, as long as you're waking up every day with that-

Radhi Shetty 33:34 Yeah

Jay Shetty 33:34 ... intention, with that motive, with that desire.

Radhi Shetty 33:36 Yeah, I definitely think it's about what you feel you're bringing to the other person, rather than what you feel you can get from the other person. I think that makes such a difference. Because-

Jay Shetty 33:44 When both people do that.

Radhi Shetty 33:45 Yeah, when both people do that. When you feel like, okay, well, this is what I can provide. Like, and the, I love what you say about everyone having different skills, because even in a relationship, I think I have so, we are very different in a lot of ways. In majority of the ways we're very different.

Jay Shetty 33:59 I have to say we're totally different.

Radhi Shetty 34:00 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 34:00 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 34:00 And so instead of seeing that as things that are taking us apart from each other, I think we've really tried to say, "Okay, cool. I love being in the kitchen," for example, um, "and you're really good at doing all the math stuff to do with bills, and I really don't wanna do that." And so instead of trying to be like, "Oh, no, we should be equal," and like, you know, doing this and doing that, no, let's just play to our strengths. And I think that made a huge difference, because I didn't feel pressure to do things which I really don't feel comfortable doing. If I had to do them, I would have. But thankfully, we both kind of are good at areas which the other person is maybe not so good at.

Jay Shetty 34:33 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 34:33 And so, um, we just played to our strengths, and, and we weren't annoyed at the other person for not being able to do those things. We just understood that we have skills in different areas, and we can contribute to the relationship with those skills, rather than trying to be, like, all-rounders in all areas-

Jay Shetty 34:47 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 34:47 ... which doesn't work for us.

Jay Shetty 34:49 And, and the key to that, I love that, and the key to that is valuing what the other person brings as equal to you.

Radhi Shetty 34:55 As equal, yeah.

Jay Shetty 34:56 Right? So it's like, it's not saying, oh, if your skill is different to mine, but my skill does this.

Radhi Shetty 35:03 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 35:04 Like, my skill fulfills this, or my skill, uh, sorts this out, like that's more important. And I think that's where it gets hard, where we either try and equalize our skills, which I agree with you is not a good idea-

Radhi Shetty 35:13 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 35:13 ... it's good to play to your strengths. Or the opposite thing people do is they do their skill, but then they think their skill adds more value to the relationship.

Radhi Shetty 35:20 Mm.

Jay Shetty 35:20 And I think that, again, just ruins it. Like, it's like you're on a team. Like, when you look at a sports team, one player can't say, "I'm more important than the rest of the team."

Radhi Shetty 35:29 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 35:29 It's a team game, and it, I'm gonna try and do a food analogy now.

Radhi Shetty 35:33 You love football, yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 35:33 I'm trying to give a food analogy now. Like-

Radhi Shetty 35:34 Don't do it. Don't try.

Jay Shetty 35:35 Like, no, like, let, hear me out. Hear me out.

Radhi Shetty 35:36 There you go.

Jay Shetty 35:37 Okay?

Radhi Shetty 35:37 Go on.

Jay Shetty 35:37 Like, one ingredient can't be like to the other ingredient, "I'm more important than you."

Radhi Shetty 35:42 Yes.

Jay Shetty 35:42 Yeah?

Radhi Shetty 35:43 Yes.

Jay Shetty 35:43 That's good. Yeah, yeah. Because you need all of them, right?

Radhi Shetty 35:44 Unless you're salt.

Jay Shetty 35:46 No, but still, but-

Radhi Shetty 35:47 Yeah, okay, fine.

Jay Shetty 35:47 Yeah. It's like-

Radhi Shetty 35:48 I'll give you that. I'll give you that

Jay Shetty 35:48 ... you, you can't have one ingredient that's more important than the other ingredient. And-

Radhi Shetty 35:52 Yeah, that's true

Jay Shetty 35:52 ... and so, yeah. It's, it-

Radhi Shetty 35:53 I totally agree.

Jay Shetty 35:54 Okay.

Radhi Shetty 35:54 No, I agree.

Jay Shetty 35:54 Right.

Radhi Shetty 35:54 You did, you did great.

Jay Shetty 35:55 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 35:55 That was a great food analogy.

Jay Shetty 35:56 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 35:57 Um, but I remember this actually, because when we, I've been a housewife for a while. Like, I, I, I stayed, worked from home, and I'm studying and stuff, so I remember when-

Jay Shetty 36:07 Well, you work from home.

Radhi Shetty 36:08 I work from home.

Jay Shetty 36:08 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 36:08 But I still, I, as in, yeah, I'm more of a housewife than I am working. Um, and so, and I love that. I love doing, I love cooking, and I love doing all the things that I do do. Um, but when we were in New York, I remember he was working, uh, at that time for Huffington Post. So he was out most of the day, and he would just come back in the evening. And he would come back, and I would have just finished cooking, and he would always be like, "Oh," like, "can I do anything for you? Can I wash up? Like, you've been working hard all day." And that, for me, was such a big thing, because it's like, actually in my mind I was like, he's been working hard all day. But he would come home and ask me if I needed a massage or if I wanted, um, him to wash up or do anything in the house. And, like, a lot of people think that that should just be a given. Like, oh, like, yeah, fi- I've been doing the house stuff all day, so come home and you should be washing the dishes. But I just think actually if you see it as that's such a sweet thing for him to have done, in my eyes, because he could not do that. We could all just not do a lot of things, but if we put in that extra bit of effort and show that person that I value you and what you're doing just as much as I value what I'm doing. Like, people, uh, you know, going to work seems like you're going out and doing the hard work, but you also saw that I was doing the washing or the cleaning or the cooking, and you valued it in the same way as going to work. And I thought that was a really, yeah, that was a, that was a big thing for me. And he's, he's been like that the whole time, so.

Jay Shetty 37:25 No, no, I, I think it's the same. I, I think for me as well, like, she was so good at doing that. Like, she would put her heart into it, right? It wasn't just- Doing it. And I think that's the point here. It's, it's not about doing the activity, it's about putting your heart into it. Like, it would always be like, "Oh, let me..." Here's the ph- like the other day, I was just like, we just got back from India, and when I'm in India, I eat dosas a lot. Dosas are incredible if you know what they are. If you don't know what they are, go get a dosa.

Radhi Shetty 37:48 Yes. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 37:48 And, and I love them. And I was literally just like to her, I was like, "I miss dosas."

Radhi Shetty 37:51 Every day.

Jay Shetty 37:52 Every morning.

Radhi Shetty 37:52 Every morning. I was like, "Oh, I miss having an Indian breakfast."

Jay Shetty 37:54 Every morning. And the next thing, the next thing I know, she ordered a dosa maker.

Radhi Shetty 37:56 [laughs] Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:56 And we had dosas. And it just-

Radhi Shetty 37:57 It went terribly wrong, everyone.

Jay Shetty 37:59 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 37:59 Terribly wrong.

Jay Shetty 38:00 But still I loved it. Like, it was the j-

Radhi Shetty 38:02 Yeah

Jay Shetty 38:02 ... it was, it was the love in it. And I think that's the same, you know, she believes in, uh, cooking with devotion and seasoning with love, and for me, she lives that every single day. Like, that's, there's not a day when I don't feel like food is an offering of love. So then you can't help but value it. Like, it's not, you don't have to, it's not hard. It's not hard to value it. That's what I'm trying to say.

Radhi Shetty 38:24 Thanks.

Jay Shetty 38:25 But yeah.

Radhi Shetty 38:26 This is getting a bit sweet, isn't it?

Jay Shetty 38:27 I know. Why don't you change it up?

Radhi Shetty 38:29 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 38:29 I'm leaving it to you to make it funny.

Radhi Shetty 38:31 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 38:31 See, see, I'm the romantic in the relationship-

Radhi Shetty 38:33 Yes

Jay Shetty 38:33 ... she's the comedy.

Radhi Shetty 38:34 This is always the case. Like, my, his cards to me-

Jay Shetty 38:37 So this is a rom-com

Radhi Shetty 38:38 ... yes.

Jay Shetty 38:38 The under-

Radhi Shetty 38:39 This is a rom-com.

Jay Shetty 38:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Radhi Shetty 38:40 His cards to me are, like, the sweetest, really genuine, from the heart, and my cards are, like, funny, weird poems that are like, "I really like your face. You don't know how to make cake." Like, literally, those are, th- [laughs] those are what my cards were like. I don't think, I think maybe one out of-

Jay Shetty 38:57 She's not lying

Radhi Shetty 38:58 ... 15 cards were maybe somewhat, like, sweet and loving, but otherwise, yeah, I've always been the, the jokester, and you generally are the sweet one.

Jay Shetty 39:06 You are.

Radhi Shetty 39:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 39:07 You are. There's a-

Radhi Shetty 39:08 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 39:08 I'm, I'm gonna live up to my, live up to my romantic tag in this relationship.

Radhi Shetty 39:14 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 39:15 'Cause I always say this to her because I mean it, and it's, uh, I don't know who said it, but it's, it's beautiful, and it said that, "They said, if you-

Radhi Shetty 39:23 Oh, no.

Jay Shetty 39:23 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 39:24 I know what he's gonna say.

Jay Shetty 39:26 They-

Radhi Shetty 39:26 Everybody cue the, cue the romantic music.

Jay Shetty 39:29 And the tissues.

Radhi Shetty 39:30 And the tea.

Jay Shetty 39:30 Someone get the tissues out. Someone get the t-

Radhi Shetty 39:31 Anybody need tea?

Jay Shetty 39:32 Someone get the cheese board out.

Radhi Shetty 39:33 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 39:34 Uh, if you... [laughs] "They said if you wanted her to fall in love with you, you have to make her laugh. But now every time she laughs, I'm the one who falls in love."

Radhi Shetty 39:44 And I'm pretty sure that's from a grime artist-

Jay Shetty 39:46 No, it's not [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 39:47 ... in London, in some sort of a rap song.

Jay Shetty 39:50 It's great, though.

Radhi Shetty 39:51 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 39:51 I mean, to say such a beaut- anyway, I love it.

Radhi Shetty 39:52 It is a really, I really like it.

Jay Shetty 39:53 Okay. Topic number four: What's your favorite thing to do together?

Radhi Shetty 39:56 Um-

Jay Shetty 39:56 So our friends wanted to, us to discuss. This is easy.

Radhi Shetty 39:59 What's our favorite thing to do together? Eat.

Jay Shetty 40:02 No.

Radhi Shetty 40:02 Oh, sorry, that's my favorite thing to do.

Jay Shetty 40:03 Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, go.

Radhi Shetty 40:04 Um, what's our favorite thing to do together?

Jay Shetty 40:06 I had an easy answer for this. This is obviously difficult.

Radhi Shetty 40:09 Oh, okay. I like, um, what do we like? What do we like to do together?

Jay Shetty 40:14 Mine was activities and experiences.

Radhi Shetty 40:16 Oh.

Jay Shetty 40:16 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 40:16 I thought it was, like, a specific one.

Jay Shetty 40:18 No, like, activities we-

Radhi Shetty 40:19 Yeah, we love doing that. Like, escape rooms, and we went to a virtual reality escape room the other day.

Jay Shetty 40:24 That was really good. You organized that, yeah.

Radhi Shetty 40:24 Uh, we went on a hike.

Jay Shetty 40:25 You got a hair in your-

Radhi Shetty 40:26 Oh, thanks. Um, uh, we go on hikes and we just love doing, yeah, experiences. You're right. Experiences and activities.

Jay Shetty 40:34 Yes.

Radhi Shetty 40:34 We do try and do, like, we've gone through the thing of where we try and go shopping together or movies and stuff, but we generally find we have a lot more fun when we're doing activities where we're contributing to something together.

Jay Shetty 40:45 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 40:45 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 40:45 Like, one of the first dates we went on was GO Ape.

Radhi Shetty 40:47 Oh, yeah.

Jay Shetty 40:47 And so for anyone who doesn't know what GO Ape is, GO Ape is like a assault course-

Radhi Shetty 40:52 Mm

Jay Shetty 40:53 ... but in the air.

Radhi Shetty 40:54 Yeah, that was so fun.

Jay Shetty 40:54 So you're, like, swinging around. It's like Tarzan kind of stuff. And, and we loved it-

Radhi Shetty 40:58 Yeah

Jay Shetty 40:58 ... because it was just, like, it was active, we were both doing stuff together, helping each other out. We love escape rooms, even though there are ti- I think we've evolved. We've evolved. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 41:06 Yeah. Like, the first time I went on an escape roo- with, to an escape room with him, I was like, "We are never doing this again."

Jay Shetty 41:11 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 41:11 Because I'm so relaxed-

Jay Shetty 41:13 And I like winning

Radhi Shetty 41:13 ... and I'm just like, "Oh, you know, if we win, it's fine. If we don't win, it's the, like, you know, it's we participated, and that's what counts." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 41:19 Yeah, right, no.

Radhi Shetty 41:20 And he's like, "Come on, we have to do this. Get over there." Um-

Jay Shetty 41:24 I'm not angry

Radhi Shetty 41:25 ... yeah, you're not angry, but you're, like, very enthusiastic.

Jay Shetty 41:27 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 41:27 And so I'm sitting on the chair, like, we're meant to be escaping a prison, and I'm just sitting there with, like, a hammer in my hand, and he's, like, looking around everywhere trying to search for a... He's like, "Why are you not helping?"

Jay Shetty 41:37 And then the trapdoor opens because she, like, by mistake-

Radhi Shetty 41:39 Yeah, and I get it right anyway-

Jay Shetty 41:41 Yeah, yeah. She gets, she gets us out

Radhi Shetty 41:41 ... just by being chilled out.

Jay Shetty 41:42 So now I've realized, trust her.

Radhi Shetty 41:44 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 41:45 So we did that recently and I trusted her.

Radhi Shetty 41:47 And it was good.

Jay Shetty 41:47 I think-

Radhi Shetty 41:47 And I actually got quite-

Jay Shetty 41:48 You did well.

Radhi Shetty 41:49 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 41:49 You did well. We enjoyed it. It was really fun.

Radhi Shetty 41:50 We did.

Jay Shetty 41:50 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 41:51 That was really fun.

Jay Shetty 41:51 Activities and experiences, getting outdoors-

Radhi Shetty 41:53 Yeah

Jay Shetty 41:54 ... doing stuff together, solving puzzles, something that engages us in talking, discussing.

Radhi Shetty 41:59 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 42:00 Doing, achieving something together is a great date.

Radhi Shetty 42:03 Yeah. We do like doing that.

Jay Shetty 42:03 Like, achieving something together. When you, when we went for that cooking class, for example, like, we cooked a meal together. Like, that was fun, and then we ate it. When you, when you create together-

Radhi Shetty 42:12 Yeah

Jay Shetty 42:12 ... it's such a special experience.

Radhi Shetty 42:14 Yeah, that's so true, actually.

Jay Shetty 42:15 And, and I think that more of us should find time with our other halves, or even people you're dating or getting to know, to, to create together.

Radhi Shetty 42:22 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 42:22 You just learn more about the person. It's so much quicker, so much easier.

Radhi Shetty 42:25 We've also started spending a lot of time, because, um, of how our schedules work, sometimes we end up just spending time together where we're just catching up and talking, which actually is quite nice.

Jay Shetty 42:35 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 42:35 Because we didn't used to do that, and I think that used to get us to a point where we felt like we maybe didn't know each other as well as we wanted to, or understand each other as well as we wanted to. But now we, we do take out time to just, yeah, like, catch up and, and ask the other person about what's going on. Me more so than him. He used to do this anyway. But I now am asking a lot more questions and I'm, we really try to invest our interest into the other person, which is great.

Jay Shetty 43:00 Yeah. And we love meditating together.

Radhi Shetty 43:01 And we love going to get vegan donuts together. Yes.

Jay Shetty 43:03 So, yes, that's true. So I'm gonna go to meditation first.

Radhi Shetty 43:06 Okay, fine, yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 43:06 But literally when we met, I used to teach her philosophy and meditation.

Radhi Shetty 43:09 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 43:10 And I say this all the time, she's now a better meditator than me. She's more serious, she's more focused, she's more sincere, she's more devoted. It's amazing. Like, being able to have that in my life is so powerful, and that I put above anyone bringing in conscious, spiritual intention and energy into a relationship. That's above someone bringing money, that's above someone bringing anything else. Like, that's just the most powerful thing that you can bring into a relationship because i- It's, it's helping you eternally. It's helping you for the rest of your life. And I think it's undervalued of how much bringing positive, beautiful, spiritual energy is into a relationship, and you've been doing that since day one in our relationship. Like, she literally, for the first, I think first few years we were dating, she was, like, waking up at 4:00 AM and going to meditate with the monks every morning, right? Like, with, with the community. And, and she did that, like, while she was working a job, while she was planning our wedding, while she was working at the hospital, et cetera, and all the rest of it. And so I feel that you've prioritized your spiritual practices so highly, and I love you for that, and it's made such a difference in our relationship. And it, for me it's like, what can I do to let you keep having that? Like, what can I do to keep letting you be that light in our life? Because that's something that you can't buy. Like, you can't, you can't buy that anywhere. You can't just make that happen anywhere, and, and I value that more than any other contribution.

Radhi Shetty 44:38 And I learned it all-

Jay Shetty 44:39 That's the best thing

Radhi Shetty 44:39 ... from him, so. I did. I learned, I actually learned it all from him. Like, he, him and my mom have been, like, the two, and my grandma, they've been the people who have really been the key factors of spirituality in my life, and obviously my spiritual teacher, too. Um, but yeah, he, [clears throat] he has really shown me what leading a spiritual path and really focusing on it, what you can actually become from it. And I think that's a great motivation, because all the qualities and everything that he is now that's positive has come from the time when he was a monk. Um, I, I think. Would you agree?

Jay Shetty 45:11 Oh, 100%.

Radhi Shetty 45:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 45:12 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 45:12 And, um, yeah, I just really feel that seeing someone live it after they've really gone through an intense period of being in a spiritual mindset, um, in a intense spiritual mindset for that long a period, um, I really see those qualities in him day to day, and how he reacts to things day to day is, is the product of his hard work that he's put in during that time. And I think that's a great motivation for me, because I'm just like, well, I'm, I wanna see life in that way. Like, I wanna see situations in that way or react to people in that way or interact with people in this way, and I think everything has been from that time in your life. And so, yeah, I really think he's been a great inspiration for me in that area. Um, and I just know that that's what brings me the most happiness, and when I don't do those practices, I know it's every part of my life suffering. So I know that if I really feel like I'm not dedicating enough time to, uh, my spiritual practices, then I'm a lot snappier with you and I'm a lot, like-

Jay Shetty 46:12 Me too

Radhi Shetty 46:13 ... my relationship suffer, my, um, quality of... Like, the rest of the day just doesn't feel like it's got as much quality as it could have. I haven't get, got the most out of the rest of my day because I haven't prioritized my s- my soul and, like, my connection, uh, to God at, at the beginning of the day, and for me, that's so important. And so, yeah, I think it really, I ha- it definitely does impact relationships, well, my relationships around me if I don't have that in my life consistently and with quality. I think it makes a huge difference.

Jay Shetty 46:44 Yeah, it's like your relationship to your spiritual practice is the most important relationship.

Radhi Shetty 46:47 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 46:47 And because of that relationship being right-

Radhi Shetty 46:49 It filters into everything else

Jay Shetty 46:50 ... it filters into everything

Radhi Shetty 46:51 Completely. How I feel in my spiritual practice is how I end up feeling towards other people around me, and so if I don't feel like I've put my best into that, then I know it filters through everywhere else, and I, I've observed that in myself. And so I think for the sanity of everyone around me, I have to make sure I do it, too, because it's not just me it affects. It affects everybody I come into contact with, because I'm a product of that, I feel.

Jay Shetty 47:15 Mm.

Radhi Shetty 47:16 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 47:16 Do you wanna add, add anything on that?

Radhi Shetty 47:18 No, I think I'm good. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 47:19 No? Okay.

Radhi Shetty 47:19 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 47:19 All right. Next thing is, what's your favorite thing about each other?

Radhi Shetty 47:23 Oh, I feel like we've said enough now, you know?

Jay Shetty 47:25 Yeah?

Radhi Shetty 47:26 Uh, no, I'm joking.

Jay Shetty 47:26 Uh-

Radhi Shetty 47:26 Oh, no, I'm joking. We can-

Jay Shetty 47:27 Yeah, we've said a lot.

Radhi Shetty 47:28 I have to say one thing. I wanna say one thing. I think one of my fav- the favorite thing about you is how you see things, how you see situations. Like, they say that with a monk mindset, you should be able to see things very, it's called equ- equin- what's the word?

Jay Shetty 47:44 Equipoised, equilibrium or-

Radhi Shetty 47:45 Equipoised, yeah

Jay Shetty 47:46 ... equanimity.

Radhi Shetty 47:46 Equanimity. I always get that word wrong. So when you, whether something goes bad or something goes good, you're able to s- have a very, like, neutral mindset to that situation and not get too excited when things go really, really well and not get too sad when things get really bad. And I think from all the ups and downs that we've been through, whether it's with your career or, um, whatever it's been, every time something goes wrong, even if, like, you miss a plane, whatever it is, he never gets to a point where he's like, "Oh my gosh, this is the worst thing ever," which is my usual reaction to, like, before would've been my usual reaction to things. He is always just like, "It's just part of the plan. Like, this just makes the story so much better." And I just really appreciate that, because it's made me not overreact and made me see perspective in so many situations and made me realize that actually, yeah, like, that quality of... And he doesn't get too excited anything good that happens, like, whether he wins awards or whatever. Like, the coolest thing may happen and he never gets too excited. Like, he appreciates it and he just, you know, in his mind, he prays and offers it back to his spiritual teacher, and I just think it's such a deep practice to have to not get too excited and, and bask in your success. Is that, is bask the right word?

Jay Shetty 48:54 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 48:54 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 48:55 That's fine.

Radhi Shetty 48:55 And not, um, be too sad and, and, like, kind of sit in your sadness for too long, and I think he really has that great balance of being able to snap out of things and seeing things. He doesn't even have to snap out of it. He just doesn't see it in that way. Like, he's trained his mind to see things in a way where everything is just part of the journey and nothing is up, up, up and down, up and down, up and down. It's all quite, like a, like a little wave-

Jay Shetty 49:19 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 49:19 ... rather than like a tide. Um, so yeah.

Jay Shetty 49:23 Thanks. I really appreciate that.

Radhi Shetty 49:25 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 49:25 And hers is so easy. Anyone who's met her already knows this. Literally, like, every one of my friends I introduce her to-

Radhi Shetty 49:31 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 49:31 ... they, they, they fall in love with her and become best friends with her, and then-

Radhi Shetty 49:34 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 49:34 ... and then I'm third-wheeling all of a sudden.

Radhi Shetty 49:37 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 49:37 And, and I love that. Like, it's the best feeling in the world that everyone I introduce her to or everyone she meets, she just has this pure, genuine light. And all I'm like in life is like, "Don't screw that up. Like, don't mess that up. Like, like let her be that light. Like just let her be what she is." And you know, how her parents have raised her, like how her grandmother's had an impact on her. Like everything she has, like her spiritual teacher, her spirituality, everything that she has, like it's so pure and genuine and, and full of love. Like, I always tell her she's, she's like the best person I've met. And, and I just want, you know, I just want everyone to experience that. Like that's, I want everyone to experience that. And that's partly why we're doing this, this podcast, is because I want everyone to experience that. There are people in the world who just have no agendas, that are love, that are being love at all times, that don't have any like negative motive towards anyone, or don't wanna have like envy or jealousy or bring someone else down to feel better. And, and I think she has that in abundance, and everyone feels it. Like as soon as she walks into a room, she lights it up with, with her presence and energy. And that doesn't mean like being the loudest person in the room. She's n- rarely that. It doesn't mean being the most talkative person, it just means being that energy. And I know all of you who know her know that and feel it, and, and I get to feel it every day. So.

Radhi Shetty 50:57 I mean-

Jay Shetty 50:58 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 50:58 ... I don't think that's true, but thanks. [laughs] I do, I do love... I've just realized com- I, I mean, I've been through so many ups and downs of my own journey of, you know, jealousy and whatever it is, and not being that person for people, and not being someone who can help so- who can be the joy for somebody else. But going through that and coming out the other end through a lot of journaling, I've talked about this before, and, and a lot of introspection, I just realized I actually get so much more joy out of being other people's joy. Like I love making people laugh. I love making people feel loved, and I love making people feel like they're cared for and, and looked after and wh- whatever it is. I love... And I've realized actually it's more of a selfish thing because I love doing that for other people. I get the joy out of it. And so, um, yeah, I think if you can light up someone's life in some small way or like make someone laugh, you just never know what they're going through. And so-

Jay Shetty 51:52 Totally

Radhi Shetty 51:52 ... I just think it's such a sweet thing to share and give out to someone. Like you can give a lot of things out, but if you're able to give love and, and happiness to someone in a small way every single day, like it's such a beautiful, it's a gift. Like it's such a sweet gift to, to give out to people.

Jay Shetty 52:08 Mm-hmm.

Radhi Shetty 52:08 So, um, I'm grateful that I'm able to do that for you sometimes and for other people. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 52:13 Thanks for giving that.

Radhi Shetty 52:14 Sorry guys, I do an American accent whenever I'm like... [laughs] It's probably the worst American accent that you guys have heard, but I do accents, yeah.

Jay Shetty 52:21 I love her accents.

Radhi Shetty 52:22 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 52:23 'Cause I'm terrible at them. They're fun.

Radhi Shetty 52:25 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 52:25 Okay. Next thing is-

Radhi Shetty 52:27 Yeah

Jay Shetty 52:27 ... do you fight and how do you deal with that conflict?

Radhi Shetty 52:30 Yeah, we fight.

Jay Shetty 52:30 Yeah, we fight. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 52:31 Yeah, we do fight. Um, but I mean, I have to say fights don't last that long with us.

Jay Shetty 52:36 Mm-hmm.

Radhi Shetty 52:37 I think that's probably the key thing. Like we have been through, especially when we weren't understanding each other's love languages, especially when I wasn't understanding him more so than the other way around, um, when we argued, my thing would be shutting down and not wanting to speak about it and like not communicating and not answering phone calls. Uh, and for him it would be like, "No, I wanna talk about it and I wanna get through it, and let's like, let's really discuss everything." And at the time it just felt like, for me, I was like, "No, I need space." But the more I've, um, accepted the way that he likes to resolve things, the more I've realized that actually it's so, makes so much more sense. Because yeah, you may need space for a short period of time, but unless you talk through it and process it together, you never get over that. And then it's brought up in the next argument, and the argument after that, and the argument after that. Whereas if you're able to really sit down and work through whatever, even if it's a really small issue like picking your shoes up from in front of the door, which is something we've spoken about a few times.

Jay Shetty 53:31 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 53:32 But even with something as small as that, just discussing and explaining, "Okay, fine, this makes me feel like you don't value me because who else are you expecting to pick up those shoes?" For example. It's a mutual thing. I, I leave my shoes there too. But I'm just saying even if you break it down to that level of saying, "Actually it's not the action, it's what I feel you're thinking when you're doing that action." Um, and so it's, it usually isn't the action. It's usually not what the person's done, it's usually how it makes you feel from that person's action. If that makes sense.

Jay Shetty 54:01 That makes loads of sense.

Radhi Shetty 54:01 Um-

Jay Shetty 54:02 Great point

Radhi Shetty 54:02 ... and so I think breaking it down to that level of the feeling you're getting from that person by him doing that or by her doing that actually resolves the issue so much faster. And that has been completely you because he really, we, we re- never, we've never slept really on an argument. We've at least discussed it before and I really, really believe in that. I heard it so much, but the more we've argued [laughs] and the more we've resolved it before we've gone to sleep, like the next morning we are fresh and ready to go like nothing's happened. And not because we're ignoring it, and not because we're pretending like it didn't happen or we've brushed it under the rug, but because we have really talked about it and tried to understand it from each other's point of view. And I think, I really think that's made such a big difference to the way we argue.

Jay Shetty 54:45 Yeah, I think that's a great point. That's such an important point. I think the point around it's not about the action that hurts, it's about how that action makes someone feel-

Radhi Shetty 54:53 Mm

Jay Shetty 54:53 ... is so much more important. Because sometimes I'm doing something really small and I'm getting it wrong, but I'm like, "Oh, it's so small."

Radhi Shetty 55:01 Mm.

Jay Shetty 55:01 But then she's like, "No, it's big." And I'm like, "Well, how's it big?" And then she's like, "Because this is how it makes me feel." I'm like, "Oh, that is big." Right?

Radhi Shetty 55:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 55:07 And then I have that moment of like, aha, like the penny drops and I'm, "Oh, okay, it's big. It's not small again." And I-

Radhi Shetty 55:14 Because you're never really doing things to... Like, it's not like you're doing it intentionally.

Jay Shetty 55:17 Totally.

Radhi Shetty 55:17 And I also know, and it's also understanding that aspect of it, like saying that I... And always reminding yourself that if you know that person loves you, then they are never gonna be doing things to intentionally like prod at you or intentionally, um, make you feel a negative emotion. And, and if we are doing that, then we should be very aware of it. And sometimes saying things like remarks of, that are in a sarcastic tone or whatever, actually those things can build up and you feel like you're saying in a jokey way. I have to, I used to do that all the time. Saying things in like a sarcastic funny way to try and get a point across to you. But now I realize that actually just asking you in a polite way, in a sweet way, in a loving way, can ha- have so much more impact than me sarcastically throwing something in there. Um, and yeah, so I think the way that we say things and the thought behind it actually makes such a difference. And now I know, like whenever you do anything, even if it's small, when I proce- I process it in my mind before I say a lot of things to you, and actually it goes away because I'm like, I know the intention is not that. And if I do want you to do something, then I'll just ask you politely, and I've noticed the difference that it makes, um, in, in the way that we speak to each other and when we think about it and process it like that rather than, rather than just shouting out whatever comes into our mind. Like, that's not tr- that's not gonna help. Like, not being able to control what's coming out of your mouth.

Jay Shetty 56:33 Yeah. And anyone who says they don't argue isn't true. Like, everyone argues.

Radhi Shetty 56:37 Mm.

Jay Shetty 56:37 Everyone fights, everyone has disagreements, and they're good, and they're good to work through because disagreements usually just arise because we all had different upbringings. We all had different backgrounds.

Radhi Shetty 56:47 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 56:47 We're all raised differently. We're raised in different amounts of space. We're raised in differently in terms of responsibility. And so now you're putting two different people with two different responsibilities together, and if you don't argue about it, you don't disagree about it, if you don't talk it out, then all you do, like she said, is you just end up living the same thing again-

Radhi Shetty 57:03 Over and over

Jay Shetty 57:03 ... and again and again. It's really important to draw boundaries as well, like recognizing, like this, these are certain things that really annoy me. Like, to say that when you first move in with someone.

Radhi Shetty 57:14 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 57:14 These are the things that annoy me, like, these are my top three things-

Radhi Shetty 57:17 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 57:17 ... that will get on my nerves, like, let's try and avoid that. And the other person gets to say the same. You're gonna just avoid so much hassle-

Radhi Shetty 57:23 Yeah

Jay Shetty 57:23 ... rather than like thinking, oh, for the first week it's fine, I'm gonna do everything for that person, and then you end up feeling upset because they're not reciprocating whatever. Just, just set your expectations, draw the boundaries, be really open and honest about what works for you and what doesn't.

Radhi Shetty 57:38 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 57:38 And then, and then figure out which parts you can help each other on.

Radhi Shetty 57:41 Agreed.

Jay Shetty 57:42 So I'm gonna ask you one more question for us, then I wanna talk a lot about you.

Radhi Shetty 57:46 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 57:47 So anyone who's watching or listening right now, if you've got this far, I hope you've enjoyed it. We've been introducing you to the world of us, but I really also wanna introduce you to the world of my wife. She's incredibly talented. She's got so many great insights. I want you to learn about her and, and fall in love with her as much as I am. But before we do that, we take the last question. So the last question is, how do you deal with my hectic travel schedule and-

Radhi Shetty 58:10 Yeah, I get asked that a lot

Jay Shetty 58:11 ... and my type of work?

Radhi Shetty 58:12 Yeah. Um, I think we've both been very independent people in our relationship, and I think when it comes to us being separate, like it's just letting the other person get done what they need to get done. If I need to be away for work or you need to be away for work, I know it's not that you-

Jay Shetty 58:30 We both travel.

Radhi Shetty 58:31 Yeah. I know that it's not-

Jay Shetty 58:32 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 58:32 ... that you want to be away from me or that I want to be away from you, it's that we need to get stuff done. It's not the end of the world. We love each other, but we also need to go and do what we love doing. And so when I can, I travel with you, but if I can't, I catch up with the stuff that I really need to get done that maybe I'm not able to do in condensed, like, time when we're together. And so you just use it as an opportunity to get those things done. And yeah, I just think, I just think we're inde- we're, we're really good at being independent and we're really good at being together.

Jay Shetty 59:02 Mm.

Radhi Shetty 59:02 And I don't know whether that answered the question, but-

Jay Shetty 59:04 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 59:05 ... yeah.

Jay Shetty 59:05 Yeah, no, and I miss her when I'm away from her.

Radhi Shetty 59:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 59:07 It's not like I don't miss her, and we both travel for work, so I can be away. I'm usually away for shorter stints more regularly, and she's away for longer stints irregularly.

Radhi Shetty 59:17 Yes.

Jay Shetty 59:17 That's kind of how-

Radhi Shetty 59:18 Agreed, mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 59:18 ... it works. So she could be away for like a month or two, but that happens like once or twice a year, and then I could be away for like three nights, but I do that regularly-

Radhi Shetty 59:27 Yeah

Jay Shetty 59:27 ... like every month. And so we, we've both learned that we get more done personally, which is really powerful-

Radhi Shetty 59:34 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 59:34 ... 'cause you get to focus on what you're doing, I get to focus on what I'm doing.

Radhi Shetty 59:37 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 59:37 We miss each other more, so when we get back together, we're really excited to be-

Radhi Shetty 59:40 Yeah

Jay Shetty 59:40 ... with each other, so that adds another level of, uh, incredible beauty in a relationship. And, and the other thing is, I think, I really believe that you have to be whole to then enhance each other in a relationship.

Radhi Shetty 59:53 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 59:53 I don't know if you wanna talk about this. Like, you don't complete each other in a relationship. It's not half and half.

Radhi Shetty 59:58 Yeah. I don't-

Jay Shetty 59:58 It's whole and whole coming together. It's, it's a full person and another full person filling each other up more and overflowing. It's not about I'm half full, you're half full, together we're full.

Radhi Shetty 1:00:09 Yeah, or like I'm trying to, I'm, I've got a part missing of me that I'm trying to fulfill from that other person. I don't think that works because it, it's, it's unnatural to feel like this person's gonna fill a part of you. Like, it has to be you being the whole person. Like you said, I just don't think we can expect another person to fill us or a gap in us. Um, yeah, and I think, I think that that makes a big difference, definitely, of being apart from each other. Because, and I also think that, I, yeah, I feel like I wanna say this too, that every relationship is so different, and I don't think that this would necessarily work for a lot of people or, or a few people, but I don't think it would necessarily work for everybody. And some people really need that time where they're with that person all the time or messaging that person all the time, and that's totally fine.

Jay Shetty 1:00:57 Absolutely.

Radhi Shetty 1:00:57 But when I speak about our relationship, I just always feel like I, I make it clear that this, like, this is just works for us. This works for us, and it's great, but I don't think that it necessarily works for everybody out there, and I don't think what works for everybody out there is gonna work for us. And I think that it's a big, that, that's a big deal because I think we look up to different couples or you see people in your life, your friends, and how they are in their relationship, and you kind of see things that you may want in a relationship and you think that that's what you want, but you never really know until you're in a relationship with somebody and you notice how you both complement each other. Because their c- their qualities are completely different to your qualities. And so, yeah, I just, I just wanted to add that because it works-

Jay Shetty 1:01:40 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 1:01:40 ... for us, but I don't think it's necessarily gonna work for-

Jay Shetty 1:01:43 Yeah

Radhi Shetty 1:01:43 ... for everybody out there.

Jay Shetty 1:01:43 And there's no, these, so there's foundational things in relationship and there's flexible things. Foundational stuff is like respect- Like appreciating each other's values-

Radhi Shetty 1:01:52 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:01:52 ... appreciating each other's goals-

Radhi Shetty 1:01:54 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:01:54 ... understanding each other's backgrounds. Those are foundational things. Like, that applies to every relationship un- under the sun.

Radhi Shetty 1:01:59 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:01:59 Like, no matter which relationship you're in, including friendships, parents, everything.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:03 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:03 And then there's flexible stuff like this, which isn't, can't be forced into everyone.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:08 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:02:09 Like how you should deal with being apart, how you should travel, schedules. Like, all the kind of functional stuff-

Radhi Shetty 1:02:14 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 1:02:14 ... that is not a thing that there's a right or wrong way.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:18 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:18 The foundational stuff, there is stuff that works and there's stuff that doesn't.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:21 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:02:21 The flexible stuff is adaptable, is different for different people. Exactly what you said.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:26 Amazing. So now I wanna move into what I'm really excited for all of you to hear. I hope that gave you a big insight into our relationship, our life.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:35 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:02:35 Uh, we got married... Uh, I didn't mention this, but we got married in 2016.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:40 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:02:41 April.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:42 23rd. [laughs] Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:44 That was good.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:45 [laughs] I remember it.

Jay Shetty 1:02:46 And [laughs] yeah. And we've now been together for nearly three years.

Radhi Shetty 1:02:50 Wow, yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:02:50 Uh, it's been incredible being married, and I'll come back to that as well. But I really want you to hear about my wife's incredible insights, especially because they're so related to health, right? Mental, physical, personal wellbeing, and she's definitely someone who lives and breathes what she shares. It's, it's not just stuff that she talks about. I've actually probably never seen someone who's, who's practicing what they preach as much. And so I'd love for you to hear these insights, so I'm gonna ask you a few questions, Radhi. My first question for you is how did you fall in love with food?

Radhi Shetty 1:03:24 How did I fall in love with food? I've always been a big foodie. Growing up, I was, um, fairly overweight until the age of about 15.

Jay Shetty 1:03:33 Let's talk about that. Yeah

Radhi Shetty 1:03:34 Yeah, about 15. Um, probably started losing weight around the age of 16. Um, but yeah, I, I grew up, I grew up always loving food, always loving carbs. Like, I loved bread and all the things I probably shouldn't have. And my mom was actually a personal trai- my mom was a fitness instructor, so she had, like, slick abs, like, growing up. Um, and was never really bothered by my weight until I went to school and, um, yeah, l- long story short, I loved food from being younger. My mom is an incredible cook. My grandma's an incredible cook. Uh, my sister's also an incredible cook. Everyone... Like, I've been surrounded by great cooks my whole life. And so my mom would always make beautiful food from around the world. Wherever we traveled, she'd always bring that home with us, and she'd make wonderful dishes. And so, yeah, I think being spoilt by that, being, when I was younger, I grew up with a really, um, unique taste in food because I'd experienced so much being, growing up. Um, and then my mom actually suggested I go into doing nutrition and dietetics at, at college or university, and, um, I did that, and that's where my love for nutrition grew. Like, I absolutely loved understanding the qualities of food and how they can affect our bodies. And, um, I never really was into con- conventional medi- medicine. Like, I never liked taking anything for my body. I really, really believed in how natural things or foods and plants can really change the way that our body reacts to things or disease or, um, yeah, health conditions. And so that's where my love for nutrition grew and food. And then I came across Ayurveda, and I actually don't know how. It must have been... I don't know how I came across it. I actually can't remember. I know my biggest exposure to it was when I, when we moved to New York. But, um, that was pretty much encompassed everything that I ever thought I w- like, everything I wanted to believe in, it had that in, in, in one, one science. And Ayurveda is actually, Ayur means life and Veda means knowledge, so it's literally the science of life. And it encompasses mind, body, and soul, and it really believes in the mind-body connection, but also completely believes, and, and has, has solid science behind how food and the qualities of the different foods and how they can affect your body and how they can be healing and how they can be medicine or they can be toxins. The same food can be that for, for d- different people. And I love it because it's so individual and so personalized that our bodies are so different. Your body will react to a tomato completely differently than mine would. And so I really appreciate that because every single body's so unique. Like, you can't have the same medicine for one person as you do for thousands and millions of people out there. It just doesn't make sense. Our genetics are different. Our body's makeup is different. Our elements in our bodies are different. And so Ayurveda really encompasses all of that. And so that completely grew my love for food, um, and healing of food. And yeah, I've always believed in, you know, we always talk about how love, um, the m- a mother's love, like mother's cooking is the best because of the love that she puts in it. And in Ayurveda, it really believes that the consciousness, and this is one of the things that I loved most about Ayurveda. It talks about how the consciousness that you cook in or the consciousness that the food's been made in actually gets infused into that person. And so however that person's... You know, everything that we're cooking with is, um, is living. Like, a- every fruit, every vegetable, it's, it's, it's, it's a, you know, it's a plant. It grows. It has living cells, and so it takes in our energy. And so whatever energy you're putting into that food while you're cooking it is what the other person is, is digesting and, and eating. And so I thought that was such a beautiful aspect of it because you can change how a person feels through the energy that you're putting into even their food. Um, and so my love for food grew even bigger-

Jay Shetty 1:07:13 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 1:07:13 ... after hearing that. Um, and yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:07:17 Amazing.

Radhi Shetty 1:07:17 That was, that's how I fell in love with food.

Jay Shetty 1:07:19 That's awesome. I love that. And it's been fun watching you fall more in love with food-

Radhi Shetty 1:07:23 Mm

Jay Shetty 1:07:23 ... and Ayurveda. Tell the audience about, like, a few simple wellbeing tips for the day. So whether it's food or whether it's essential oils or whether it's anything in your life that you add-

Radhi Shetty 1:07:35 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 1:07:35 ... split them up. So tell me three simple tips that people can do daily with their food. Let's start with that or-

Radhi Shetty 1:07:40 With food.

Jay Shetty 1:07:41 With food, yeah.

Radhi Shetty 1:07:42 Um, simple tips. I would say have three- ... meals a day, but your largest meal should be in the afternoon. Um, our body is in sync with nature, and so when the sun is at its highest, we believe we- in Ayurveda, they believe we have a digestive fire in our stomach. And so when the sun is at its highest is when our digestion is the strongest, and so that's when we should, uh, it's when the nutrients are, um, assimilated into our bodies a lot better, um, when the food is broken down so much faster and efficiently. And so if we're able to eat our largest meal in the afternoon, our heaviest meal in the afternoon, then that's actually a lot more beneficial to our body. And having our lightest meal in the evening because... This is the second tip now. Yeah, number two. Um, have your lightest meal in the aft- in the evening because, one, your quality of sleep will be so much better.

Jay Shetty 1:08:29 Mm.

Radhi Shetty 1:08:29 Your body's not trying to work while you're sleeping. When you sleep, you want every part of your body to be relaxed, and every part of your body to feel like it's getting the rest to, uh, to rejuvenate and to replenish for the next day. And so if you're able to, um, have a meal that's much lighter, like soups or even a smoothie, then, um, your body's able to rest, and your food is... A lot of food that's not digested turns into toxins in your body, and so if your body's trying to shut down and you're still putting lots of food into your body, it actually ends up turning into toxins a lot, a lot, a lot more toxins are produced if you're digesting food overnight. And number three, drink lukewarm water. Never drink ice water. Um, ice water or really, really cold beverages actually dampens your digestive fire, and so, um, you kind of wanna drink drinks which are either room temperature or warm. Warm drinks and hot drinks really stimulate, uh, a lot of things in your body, but really keep, um, your body purified and help with toxins elimination in your body as well. So those are my three tips.

Jay Shetty 1:09:33 That's great tips.

Radhi Shetty 1:09:34 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:09:34 Yeah, and, and that's so important because I feel so many people eat really late and then go to sleep straight away.

Radhi Shetty 1:09:42 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:09:42 So it's like a lot of people are eating at 8:00 PM, 9:00 PM-

Radhi Shetty 1:09:45 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 1:09:45 ... 10:00 PM and then going to sleep straight away.

Radhi Shetty 1:09:47 Then straight to sleep, yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:09:48 Or sleeping after midnight-

Radhi Shetty 1:09:49 Uh-huh

Jay Shetty 1:09:49 ... obviously. But you're actually saying we should a, eat less in the evening.

Radhi Shetty 1:09:53 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:09:54 And then, of course, you believe in sleeping early.

Radhi Shetty 1:09:55 Yes, definitely.

Jay Shetty 1:09:56 But, but the point is, yeah, okay, that makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot, a lot of sense.

Radhi Shetty 1:10:00 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:10:00 Tell me, some of the things that I wanted to talk to you about was around another few tips on wellbeing and wellness that you think would be useful to people.

Radhi Shetty 1:10:09 Um, wellbeing and wellness. Um, okay, so I definitely believe in meditating early in the morning, um, because, well, throughout the day, there are different energies that can affect you. And so in the morning when, before the, ideally before the sun rises, but before the sun rises is when you've still got the calming effect of the moon. And so your mind is a lot more rested. Your mind is fresh because you've just woken up, but also you haven't been affected by the... Like, the world is still asleep. Like, a lot of people are still asleep, and so you don't have that much energy around you. And so I feel if your mind is calmer and the sun hasn't risen, sun actually brings about the energy of doing and going and get, like getting things done, whereas before the sun rises, if you're able to meditate then, you actually will get a deeper, uh, more focused meditation in the morning. Um, another lifestyle tip I'd give is using a tongue scraper.

Jay Shetty 1:11:03 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 1:11:04 Like, that is so important. In a Western, um, in Western culture, it's not normal to use a tongue scraper. I don't know if anyone's seen it, but it's literally so simple. It's like a copper or a metal, um, rod-type thing-

Jay Shetty 1:11:17 U

Radhi Shetty 1:11:17 ... which has... Huh?

Jay Shetty 1:11:18 It's like a U-shape.

Radhi Shetty 1:11:19 Like a U-shape-

Jay Shetty 1:11:20 Upside-down U

Radhi Shetty 1:11:20 ... that you can basically s- you scrape off all the, it sounds gross, but you scrape off all the, um, toxins off your tongue in the morning and in the evening. You can use it when you brush your teeth. Um, and actually, the to- if you end up swallowing those toxins, that can be the beginning of, like, toxin, like the toxics, toxins building up in your body. And so using a tongue scraper is an Ayurvedic must. Like, you sh- you have to use a tongue scraper. You can get it off Amazon. You can get it everywhere. It's just a really simple thing to avoid toxins building up in your body.

Jay Shetty 1:11:48 [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 1:11:49 Um, and did you say one more?

Jay Shetty 1:11:50 Yeah.

Radhi Shetty 1:11:51 Um, one more health tip I would, or lifestyle tip I would recommend, sleeping early. Um, you know, there's so much s- normal science behind it, but even just to get a good amount of sleep before 12:00, um, I mean, I've read so much about it, but it really does rejuvenate you. The quality of sleep that you get is so different, um, compared to sleeping really late, um, and doing it on a regular basis. It reduces your immune system. Um, it makes you really groggy in the morning. I, I find that. I really, and if I have too many late nights for a long period of time, I, it really affects my immunity. Like, I know I'm gonna get unwell or I'm gonna catch a cold. Um, and so sleeping early is also, if you can, there are lots of people who can't 'cause of jobs, but if you can sleep early, eat in the afternoon, wake up early, that's like the ideal situation. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:12:39 Love it. Yeah, no, really practical tips.

Radhi Shetty 1:12:41 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:12:41 I think those are things that anyone and everyone can do.

Radhi Shetty 1:12:44 Can incorporate, yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:12:44 It does, yeah. I love those because they're just so universal.

Radhi Shetty 1:12:47 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:12:48 It's not gonna take someone a huge lifestyle change. It's not gonna cost anything.

Radhi Shetty 1:12:52 No.

Jay Shetty 1:12:52 Like, it's totally free to do all of these things.

Radhi Shetty 1:12:54 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:12:54 You don't have to learn a lot. Like, there's nothing to research. [laughs]

Radhi Shetty 1:12:57 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 1:12:57 You know, and, and I know that you have, because you are a dietician and a nutritionist-

Radhi Shetty 1:13:02 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:13:02 ... by qualification and by going to university, et cetera. So I do know that everything that you speak about is highly researched and focused, but I love how good you are at making it so simple-

Radhi Shetty 1:13:12 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:13:12 ... and so, like, easy to understand. And obviously if you want more tips, et cetera, you can go follow, uh, Radhi after this and find out more about what she's posting about regularly. I want you to tell me about why did health become so important to you? Because I know this for a fact, that I really always focused on my mental health and my mind, and for a long time, mastering my mind was, like, one of my biggest focuses, and that's, that's where I spent a lot of my life. And when I married Radhi, she was very much focused, not only on the mind, but on the body more. And when I say body, I don't just mean in looking aesthetically good, I mean feeling good, being active, being genuinely healthy beyond size or shape or any of that stuff. And, and that's really helped me in my personal life. I know for a fact that I eat better, I exercise more, I take care of myself physically because of you.

Radhi Shetty 1:14:01 Mm.

Jay Shetty 1:14:01 And so I want you to tell me why you started to find health so important, and then I want you to tell me a bit about your perspective on body shape, size, and our addiction to looking a certain way as opposed to feeling a certain way.

Radhi Shetty 1:14:13 Health became a really important part of my life because, yeah, I grew up, I mentioned I grew up, um, fairly overweight, and at the beginning it was a lot more to do with changing the shape of my body. I really wanted to lose weight, and, um, at that time I knew I didn't wanna do anything too extreme. Like I n- I, I, because I did my nutrition degree, I understood and I'd heard a lot about how yo-yo dieting can really affect your metabolism. And so for me, I didn't wanna do the extremes of like eating barely anything to then get- trying to get back to a normal diet, which I know I've seen people that's, that they've done that and it ends up making you put on even more weight afterwards and harder to lose weight after that. So I really wanted a healthy, sustainable way of doing that. And so, I mean, at the beginning it was at college and it was at, I mean, at university, and I started just cooking for me and my friends a lot at, at s- at university 'cause I lived out. And yeah, it was, it was, to be honest, I kind of just fell into it. Through, through the nutrition degree I ended up learning a lot more about it, so I started cooking a lot more, uh, vegetables. And I mean, I grew up vegetarian and so my diet was also predominantly based on lentils and pulses and, and vegetables and, you know, all the Indian spices and flavors. And so yeah, that's where my health, my, this beginning of my health journey started, was to lose weight. And then like I said, when I came into Ayurveda and I started understanding that, it just grew my passion for it a lot more. Um, but the, the s- the inspiration for it was definitely through, through weight loss. But I knew I didn't wanna do it in an un- unhealthy way. Um, and body image. Um, yeah, I, I think that's something, growing up I always, always thought that, that to be healthy, a good image of health was, my image of my own health was based on other people's body shape or body size. And looking around at everybody around me, I always used to think that, okay, for me to be healthy, I needed to be slim. Like, I needed to be very skinny. And as I've grown up and I've, I've been through my ups and downs with my weight and with, um, my journey of health, I really realized that actually I've got to this point and when I feel the best, like my version of health is when my organs feel like they're working at its best, when my skin feels incredible, when my digestion feels great, when, um, my hair, my nails, you know, all the, all the indicators that I feel represent good health, that I've learned is good health, when those things are happening, and also when my mind feels good. Like, when do I feel at my most comfortable? Is it when I have, is it when I'm a specific body shape or is it when I'm working out and I feel great about it? Or am I struggling to get myself to the gym because of the goal that I have? Like, I feel fine. If my goal is to lose weight, then for me it's been really difficult to sustain it and, and because I want to eat. Like, I, I really enjoy eating. I really enjoy eating different foods and, and having a great balance in life. And so for me it became more about how I feel and, and how my whole body feels in different ways, rather than it being an indication of different body sizes and body shape. And I mean, I love getting into shape. Like I love, I love working out and it's part of my day, part of my routine on a daily basis. And I don't believe that either end of the weight spectrum is healthy. There are health conditions associated to both. But I have realized that body trends change all the time. Like, you know, there's gonna be a different body shape that's in fashion next week and the week after that and the month after that and the year after that. But if I am constantly trying to change my shape according to that, I'm not sure that that's what health means. Like, there's so much more to what h- being healthy means than just body shape and body size. Um, and so yeah, I think that that's what it means to me. I mean, I've, I've, I've struggled with it growing up, um, but at the moment now, after being through so much on that journey, I really feel like that's what health means to me and that's where I feel the happiest, when I'm thinking about health in that way.

Jay Shetty 1:18:11 Yeah. I love that answer. It's so true. I, I grew up, because I grew up overweight as well, when I lost weight for the first time, I believed that being skinny or being slim was health.

Radhi Shetty 1:18:25 Mm.

Jay Shetty 1:18:25 And then when I realized that it definitely wasn't because I went through my own health challenges, I was just like, "Oh wow, like health doesn't mean just not eating fatty foods." Like, which is really as basic and simplistic as my knowledge was for so long.

Radhi Shetty 1:18:39 Mm.

Jay Shetty 1:18:39 And so hearing you say that, obviously having you coach me in my life every day is amazing. I really value it. It's changed my life for sure in terms of how I feel and what I eat and what I do and how I use my time. So, so thank you so much. And, and definitely if you follow Radhi afterwards, you'll find so many great insights and more expert thoughts and practices that I think are genuine and prac- you know, they're practical for all of us, and, and that's what I love about them, that what she's saying works for everyone, they're universal, and it's not about getting a specific goal externally, it's about getting a specific goal internally.

Radhi Shetty 1:19:11 Mm. And I don't think there's anything... I think it's incredible if someone wants to change th- like, I think it's incredible if someone has a goal of what they want their body to be.

Jay Shetty 1:19:18 Sure.

Radhi Shetty 1:19:18 But all I'm trying to say is that I don't think just body shape is an indication of health.

Jay Shetty 1:19:23 Correct.

Radhi Shetty 1:19:23 Which I feel is, um, is seen as health in a lo- in a lot of ways. Like a lot of fitness pages or a lot of, a lot of, um, exercise pages, they show most of the body shapes are similar. They are, they are in a specific, in a specific form, in a specific shape, and I just think it's incredible how beautifully unique everybody's body is. And it's, like that is the beauty of the world, that everybody is so beautiful and everyone is so unique in their own way, that why should everybody be aspiring for the same body shape? Why can't we all have our own individual shape and that be the beauty of it? Because yeah, like I, trends change. Like face trends change, bodies trends change. Um, the way we speak changes. Our di- like, you know, our slang changes constantly. I just think everything's changing so much that if we try and just focus on who we want to be and change according to our own motivation, rather than other people's view or how we see other people, that will make a big difference to our, our mental state as well.

Jay Shetty 1:20:20 Amazing.

Radhi Shetty 1:20:20 Which is a journey I'm still going on, guys.

Jay Shetty 1:20:22 Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love.

Host 1:20:28 If you are getting crazy nervous on a date-

Jay Shetty 1:20:32 Mm-hmm

Host 1:20:33 ... you're already va- y- y- that's already a reflection of the fact that you've valued the wrong things