Tiffany Haddish UNFILTERED: "It’s been the hardest two years of my whole existence...”

Tiffany Haddish 0:00 [instrumental music plays] Kind of would like to start a service where, like, retired basketball players can hold you like a baby.

Jay Shetty 0:04 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 0:06 [laughs] I asked Shaq, I said, "Would you hold me like a baby and, like, then burp me?" And he was like, "Girl, you crazy. You so damn silly." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 0:12 [upbeat music plays] We got a special guest in the building. Emmy Award-winning actress and comedian. Became the first Black female comic to host SNL. Please welcome Tiffany Haddish.

Tiffany Haddish 0:21 I was like, "Where are you? When can I see you? I need to see you. I miss you." [sighs]

Jay Shetty 0:28 [instrumental music plays] Hey, everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last 90 days, 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you and the world. Subscribe right now. [upbeat music plays] The number one health and wellness podcast.

Tiffany Haddish 1:07 Jay Shetty.

Speaker 1:08 Jay Shetty.

Speaker 1:09 The one, the only Jay Shetty. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:13 Tiffany, what is the best part about being Tiffany Haddish?

Tiffany Haddish 1:17 Oh, the best part about being Tiffany H- what's the best part about being me, girl? I don't know. I tell, I have so much fun. I have

Tiffany Haddish 1:23 a lot of fun.

Jay Shetty 1:24 I can tell.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24 I carry a lot, but I'm built for it.

Jay Shetty 1:27 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:27 And I have a lot of fun doing it. Sometimes I complain about it, sometimes I whine, but I'm built for it.

Jay Shetty 1:34 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:34 And I enjoy it.

Jay Shetty 1:35 When did you realize you were built for it?

Tiffany Haddish 1:37 Probably when I was, like, 21, 22. 'Cause, uh ... Yeah, 22. I say 22, 'cause at 21 I was like, "I don't wanna be here on this planet no more. This sucks." Like, feels like everybody's taking their pain out on me. Like, but what I realized is, like, oh, I'm, I love to hear people laughing. Maybe they're bringing me their pain and taking that ... 'Cause I'm supposed to transmute that into laughter.

Jay Shetty 2:01 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 2:01 I'm supposed to take that and flip it for them. And once I learn how to do that and perfect it, then, the easier it'll be for me.

Jay Shetty 2:10 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 2:10 And it is easier in relationships for me now, but, uh, when it comes to other things, it's a lot more difficult. Like cleaning my room.

Jay Shetty 2:18 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 2:19 I'm a, I am a hoarder. I think I'm a

Tiffany Haddish 2:22 emotional hoarder, and it shows up, it manifests in my bedroom.

Jay Shetty 2:24 What kind of things do you hoard?

Tiffany Haddish 2:26 Clothes.

Jay Shetty 2:27 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 2:27 Uh, knick-knacks, gadgets. I love gadgets. I don't know why I bring the gadget to the bed like it's gonna do something magical in the bed, and it's not even for the bed. It's probably for the kitchen.

Jay Shetty 2:35 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 2:36 But I'm like, "Let me see how this gadget work," and I like exper- I, I'm big on experimenting, and I do a lot of it in my bedroom 'cause that's my layer and I don't let, like, people in my room. So, like, I got a microscope in there. It's, like, half laboratory, half office, half-

Jay Shetty 2:50 Wow

Tiffany Haddish 2:50 ... closet, half, "What this, all this over here?"

Jay Shetty 2:53 So if I walk into your b- I'm not allowed, but if I was to walk into your bedroom, would I fall over and trip over and hurt myself or?

Tiffany Haddish 2:58 You would trip over a basket of clothes, and then you would be like, "What is that in the corner? Are you, are you building something? Like, is ... What kind of electronics is that? And then, like, why is there clothes all over here? And then, what's that on the bed? And are, are you making jewelry or are you sorting the jewelry?"

Jay Shetty 3:11 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 3:11 Like, what is going on?

Jay Shetty 3:13 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 3:13 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 3:13 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 3:14 Yeah, it's a lot going on.

Jay Shetty 3:15 You need to show me a picture later.

Tiffany Haddish 3:16 I'm not gonna show you no picture.

Jay Shetty 3:17 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 3:17 It's embarrassing. It's embar- when I look at it, I'm like, "Geez, Tiffany, your brain is everywhere."

Jay Shetty 3:22 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 3:23 That's what it feels like.

Jay Shetty 3:24 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 3:24 I f- 'cause I imagine that, like, your, your bedroom is a reflection of your mind.

Jay Shetty 3:29 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 3:29 'Cause it's where I do spend most of my time in the house, and, like, all the rest of the house is pretty clean. There might be some little boxes in the corner here, by, like, mail on the table, but I go through that, sort that out real quick. But the, my room, I don't know. It's like, uh, I'll get to that when I feel like it.

Jay Shetty 3:45 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 3:45 Uh, I'ma play with this right now. Let me see how these sea monkeys are doing in the corner over here.

Jay Shetty 3:50 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 3:50 Let me see what this is doing. Like, I don't know.

Jay Shetty 3:52 Do you have pets in your room too?

Tiffany Haddish 3:54 I mean, no. I s- it's some sea monkeys. Are those pets?

Jay Shetty 3:56 I don't know. I don't know. You tell me.

Tiffany Haddish 3:57 I don't think those are pets.

Jay Shetty 3:58 You tell me.

Tiffany Haddish 3:59 No, that's, that's a experiment.

Jay Shetty 4:00 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 4:00 Uh, those a, those a, those a shrimp. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 4:03 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 4:03 But, I mean, my cat might come in there occasionally.

Jay Shetty 4:06 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 4:06 And, uh, if I get really, like, lonely or whatever, I'll bring the dog in.

Jay Shetty 4:10 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 4:11 You know? And then the dog is, like, burrowing herself in my dirty clothes.

Jay Shetty 4:14 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 4:15 And I get her out of there 'cause she likes to chew the crotch of my underwears, my dirty underwears.

Jay Shetty 4:18 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 4:18 I don't like it. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 4:20 And you like that chaos? Like, you, you, you like waking up to that, sleeping in that? That, that kind of gets you cr-

Tiffany Haddish 4:25 It feels cozy.

Jay Shetty 4:26 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 4:27 I don't have a man. I don't have nobody else's mind to sort but my own, so.

Jay Shetty 4:32 Yes.

Tiffany Haddish 4:32 When men do spend the night, I, uh, only let them sleep in the guest room.

Jay Shetty 4:36 Got it.

Tiffany Haddish 4:36 So, uh, 'cause they're guests in my house. Until you pay bills, you can't come up in the, in the main room. And when they start paying my bills, then I guess that's when I'll clean up my room and-

Jay Shetty 4:45 Nice

Tiffany Haddish 4:45 ... make space for them.

Jay Shetty 4:46 Nice. I'm a classic Virgo, so everything for me has to be-

Tiffany Haddish 4:49 Organized

Jay Shetty 4:49 ... organized, like, tidy. Everything has to be in its place. Like, I think I can ... I walk into a room and I can spot the one thing that's, like, half a centimeter off, and I need to put it back in its place.

Tiffany Haddish 4:58 And see, that's, and that would be the kind of guy I would like to date.

Jay Shetty 5:01 Right. Right.

Tiffany Haddish 5:01 So that he can, like, clean up after me.

Jay Shetty 5:03 Got it. Understood.

Tiffany Haddish 5:04 And then I'll make him laugh and stuff and bring him joy, have adventure for him. I have some adventures for you. Not too much drama. I'm not big on the drama, but I am big on adventure, experiences, and then I'm, but I'm messy.

Jay Shetty 5:16 Yeah. That's cool. You're allowed to be messy.

Tiffany Haddish 5:18 But I'm not dirty, but it's, like, you know.

Jay Shetty 5:20 I get it. I get it.

Tiffany Haddish 5:21 It's a mess.

Jay Shetty 5:21 Yeah. And I, I mean, I, I saw that you said you've been celibate

Jay Shetty 5:24 for the past six months. Uh, is that-

Tiffany Haddish 5:26 Who said that?

Jay Shetty 5:27 Is that true?

Tiffany Haddish 5:27 It, uh ... Okay, so, okay, okay, so.

Jay Shetty 5:30 Is that true?

Tiffany Haddish 5:31 I mean, does kissing count?

Jay Shetty 5:33 No. As in that's still celibate.

Tiffany Haddish 5:34 I'm just not ... Yeah, okay. I'm not being penetrated, that's for sure. No penetration.

Jay Shetty 5:38 Is that an intentional choice? Was that something you were trying to work up to and practice, or?

Tiffany Haddish 5:43 Is it been six months, though? I guess so. October does-

Jay Shetty 5:45 You're the only person who can tell us that

Tiffany Haddish 5:47 ... October does make it six months. Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, 'cause I don't just, I just don't wanna lay down with nobody, just anybody, you know? I just feel like, dang, I am the prize and these dudes gotta qualify. Like, it al- and when I think about, like, my track record of, like, who I lay down with, it, it takes, like, a year or so for, for me to even warm up. It's a, it's a line.

Jay Shetty 6:07 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 6:08 It's a line of dudes that's, you know. Hey, Tiff, hey. I mean, I love going to free dinners.

Jay Shetty 6:12 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 6:12 I'll go on free dinner dates, you know. I mean, not free dinner dates, but, like, yeah, it's free for me, so yeah. But it do cost me money to get, you know, cute and stuff, and the gas in the car, whatever, but-

Jay Shetty 6:21 Yeah, yeah

Tiffany Haddish 6:21 ... yeah.

Jay Shetty 6:22 You know, I ask because obviously I, when I lived as a monk I was celebrate for three years, so it was like a, it was a big, big, big commitment in my life, so.

Tiffany Haddish 6:28 Did it make you feel like, "Ah!"

Jay Shetty 6:30 In the beginning, yes.

Tiffany Haddish 6:32 Really?

Jay Shetty 6:32 For sure. For sure. It was hard. But then as-

Tiffany Haddish 6:34 I bet it was hard

Jay Shetty 6:35 ... as ti- yeah, as time went on. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 6:38 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 6:39 Oh, Tiffany. Early you, early you.

Tiffany Haddish 6:42 It, it feels easy. I don't know. I've been working out a lot.

Jay Shetty 6:44 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 6:44 So I feel like I get my sexual, like, frustrations out in a workout.

Jay Shetty 6:48 Right.

Tiffany Haddish 6:48 And then like I said, gadgets.

Jay Shetty 6:50 Did it take you a while to raise your standards? Like, where did this qualification ra- did, this language, this vocabulary you have right now around dating, was that something that has come with time? Is that something that was always there, that, that lo-

Tiffany Haddish 7:01 No, it was definitely not always there. Definitely. If you read the book, you know that it was not always there. Um, I f- just feel like it's like it's certain things that I want for myself, and I want to, um, share the success. And what I've learned is when you're, like, uh, laying down with people that's not really as ambitious as you are, or comfortable in their skin, or confident with who they are, or even just not even necessarily confident, just know who they are, um, it becomes a problem. And I think when you lay down with somebody, you are sharing your soul. You are sharing a piece of yourself. You're giving a little piece of yourself up. And I don't... I think, like, I only got so much soul left, and I don't wanna necessarily just give it over to anybody, you know. I don't think... I don't know if the soul grows. I don't know if you can rejuvenate new soul like you do skin or hair, but it just feels like I don't wanna subject myself to it. Also, now once I let you inside my body, I gotta know you, got to get to know, gotta learn you and all that stuff. Like... And, um, and then I... So scientifically.

Jay Shetty 8:02 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 8:02 Okay, now we gonna get into the science of it all, right?

Jay Shetty 8:04 Put some research on it, Tiffany.

Tiffany Haddish 8:05 Yeah, yeah. So I did my scientific research. I was reading about how, you know, once you let somebody, um, ejaculate his sperm, right? Once it... The uterus is very absorbent, so you absorb all of that into your bloodstream, right? So now you, like, attracted to them. So, like, when the Bible says, uh, "You will only desire your husband," this is part why. Because now he's, like, in your blood, like, in, like, bonding with your DNA. And if you get pregnant by this person, it takes, like, six months or so for them to get out of your DNA. And if you decide to have a baby or get pregnant by this person, those stem cells from that baby is in you forever.

Jay Shetty 8:43 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 8:43 So they are forever a part of you. Do I forever wanna be a part of somebody who's, like, mentally ill? Do I forever want this person to be, like, in my eyeballs, in my brain, in my [laughs] like, in my heart?

Jay Shetty 8:56 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 8:56 The stem cells from them and what we, like, you know, could have potentially made, do I forever want that? And then I think about, like, like, hoes and why they be so crazy, and it's because it's too many personalities, too much in there.

Jay Shetty 9:08 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 9:08 That's how I see it anyway. That's my scienti- that's science from Tiffany Haddish.

Jay Shetty 9:10 When, when is, when is the Tiffany Haddish sex ed masterclass coming out? 'Cause this-

Tiffany Haddish 9:13 Uh, well, there's a smo- there's a short sex ed portion in the book. Um, you know, I think I woulda been a great sex education teacher.

Jay Shetty 9:20 Uh, that's what I'm thinking listening to you right now.

Tiffany Haddish 9:22 Yeah, I think I woulda been really good at that.

Jay Shetty 9:24 I think we need to get a national program out.

Tiffany Haddish 9:25 Yeah, 'cause I notice, like, females that I know that, like, are really emotional and, like, going, like, always the world is, like, oh, in a, in a uproar. And then if you find out, like, how many bo- what's their body count and, like, i- and especially if it's a high body count, it's a lot of them probably didn't have no condom on. And then you probably, you probably absorbed a lot of that stuff. And who's to say they didn't... They might've been pregnant, didn't realize they were pregnant and just thought, "Oh, this is a hard period," but re- really they might've been having a miscarriage, or it was just a pregnancy that didn't stick. Whatever. Like, it's a lot, it's a lot.

Jay Shetty 9:56 Mm. This-

Tiffany Haddish 9:57 It's a lot

Jay Shetty 9:57 ... it sounds like this has obviously been something that, I know we're laughing, but at the same time we're learning, like, this has been something you've been learning about, thinking about, reflecting on. Especially when you dive into your book, as we were talking about earlier, you make everything sound really funny, and there's this expression of the feeling, but then there's the deep pain and the stress that comes from it. Were there particular romantic experiences that were hard for you to get over? Was... A lot of our audience is struggling with breakups, is struggling with missing their exes, struggling with trying to move on and find the

Jay Shetty 10:29 right person. What, what have you been through that you could share with those people that may help them?

Tiffany Haddish 10:34 Uh, yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna be real clear with you. I... The people that I was missing, I probably shouldn't have been missing, right? Like, the ones that, like, inflicted a lot of physical pain on me. The ones that inflicted emotional pain on me. I think I talked about one of them in this book. I ta- I know I talked about the, the ex in the other book. But this book, um, like, okay, so I had this, like, you know, homie lover friend for a long time. A long, long, long, long time. He's very disrespectful to me, very kinda messed up to me, but in my mind we was... We could get married. We'd have the most beautiful babies. He handsome. I'm pretty. Like, it would be so cool. He's smart and intellectual. I'm kinda smart, I think. Like, it would be fun.

Jay Shetty 11:16 You are smart.

Tiffany Haddish 11:16 We have the best conversations. Like, we have fun, but then he would treat me like crap, right? So, like... And I would, I would subject myself to that man, and I would be, like, happy to be in his presence, but at the same time when he's not around I'd be hurting so bad. Hurting so bad. Like, and fiending for him. Like a, like, kinda, like, I don't know what it's like to do, like, hard drugs, but I'm imagining that's the hard drug right there.

Jay Shetty 11:42 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 11:42 The D, that D, like, when we really like. Like, that could be the hard drug. And breaking myself from that. And that would be like, "Okay, what else do you love? What else do you care about? Put your energy into something else." I seen a, like, all online, like, "Oh, Tiffany's fiending for... Oh, she's still pining over this guy that she was dating." Like, that was fun. That relationship was fun Only thing I miss about that relationship is the fun. Everything else was like, eh, eh, cool.

Jay Shetty 12:10 Hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 12:10 But we had a lot of fun. Um, and people I have fun with, I miss all of them. When I don't get to see them often, when I don't talk to them, I miss all of them, even if they were a bad influence, I, I miss them all. But I'm not like, "Oh, God, I gotta have them," or talking mess about them. Like, no, I genuinely love that person, wish them the best. I'm busy doing this now, they're busy doing that now, cool. But was there a particular... Like, yeah, that one, the, that homie lover friend who was, like, on and off for, like, almost 20 years. Oh, he-

Jay Shetty 12:39 Wow, 20 years.

Tiffany Haddish 12:40 Yes. I can be loyal, I can be loyal with the homie lover friends, you know? It's like, oh, we not... We, we on, but we not in a relationship.

Jay Shetty 12:49 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 12:49 But in my mind-

Jay Shetty 12:51 Married

Tiffany Haddish 12:51 ... I painted this... Yeah, we was married. We was... I was cooking for him and doing all kind of stuff, like, you know, make sure his telephone stayed on so I could talk to him. Stupid stuff. Stupid. Just dumb, just dumb. Then, like, oh, I realized, "Okay, this isn't gonna go nowhere, so I'ma go with this guy that likes me," and then that don't, like, pan out 'cause really I'm still fiending over this dude. Then, okay, that didn't work out. Then, no, no, no, I'ma get married. Somebody wanna marry me, I'm getting married. You don't wanna marry me? Somebody else gonna marry me. And then that didn't really pan out 'cause I, I didn't wanna get small. Like, yeah, I didn't wanna be small. And then, [sighs] then it was just like free-for-all, you know? What you working with? What's up, baby? You got... As long as you got a good credit score. What's your credit score? 'Cause that means you're gonna be responsible with my heart, at least I think you are, I hope you are. And then, uh... But now I got a whole criteria.

Jay Shetty 13:46 What did you find, that people that had a good, good credit score, did that have any correlation with-

Tiffany Haddish 13:51 I feel like it, it, it had a lot to do with how they treat me. Good credit score, they're, like, more responsible.

Jay Shetty 13:57 Oh, really?

Tiffany Haddish 13:57 They show up on time.

Jay Shetty 13:57 You saw that?

Tiffany Haddish 13:58 I noticed that, yeah.

Jay Shetty 13:59 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 13:59 I saw that. Like, I, I would ask, like, "Hey, do you know your credit score? First of all, I think that's something you should know, 'cause that's your grown-up report card." I just wanted to see how responsible they were, and most of them were very... Like, I, I have yet to meet somebody with a pretty high credit score that wasn't, like, reliable.

Jay Shetty 14:15 You didn't find that you met people who were arrogant or showboating?

Tiffany Haddish 14:18 Nah, they... No, no, they might've been arrogant.

Jay Shetty 14:19 Right.

Tiffany Haddish 14:20 They might've been, like, showboating, but they were responsible.

Jay Shetty 14:23 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 14:23 I want somebody to be responsible with my heart.

Jay Shetty 14:25 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 14:25 Like, it's a... I got a big heart, right? Got a lot of love to give, and I, I'm very forgiving and all that, but, like, don't abuse it. It's been abused enough.

Jay Shetty 14:36 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 14:36 And I don't wanna have to, like, attack you.

Jay Shetty 14:38 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 14:39 I don't wanna have to, like, be vicious with you. That's why, like, I would say the last, like, five relationships I've had, like, I really respect those dudes because they were, they were kind with my heart. You know, they, they, for the be- for what they could, you know? They were good, good with my heart.

Jay Shetty 14:55 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 14:55 They didn't, like, [censored] it up-

Jay Shetty 14:57 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 14:57 ... where I'm just like, "F men. I'm, bring on the pussies. I'm gay now." I think I'm still, like, two or three heartbreaks away from that.

Jay Shetty 15:04 Right.

Tiffany Haddish 15:05 I don't even think that's a thing, though, for me. I really think I'm a gay man, but that's, that's neither here nor there.

Jay Shetty 15:09 [laughs] And what are your criteria now? [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 15:12 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:13 You said, uh, that's a lot of information, Tiffany.

Tiffany Haddish 15:15 I mean, I think I was a man-

Jay Shetty 15:16 I'm processing it

Tiffany Haddish 15:16 ... in my past. Like, you, you believe

Tiffany Haddish 15:18 in past lives?

Jay Shetty 15:18 Yeah, we were talk... I think we were messaging about this.

Tiffany Haddish 15:21 Yeah, we were.

Jay Shetty 15:21 Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 15:22 I think I was a man in my past life.

Jay Shetty 15:24 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 15:24 And I think I was a man that was kinda messed up. I think I was like, maybe I had a really big penis and I was a womanizer, and maybe I was bisexual. Maybe I hurt a lotta hearts, and I feel like in this life, God said, "Okay, I'ma... You, you gonna suffer some, but you gonna win, too."

Jay Shetty 15:39 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 15:39 And I think that's why I got endometriosis.

Jay Shetty 15:42 Right.

Tiffany Haddish 15:42 So I can really understand the pain of a woman.

Jay Shetty 15:44 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 15:45 And-

Jay Shetty 15:45 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 15:45 ... understand the value of the heart.

Jay Shetty 15:47 My wife jokes with me that she thinks we were married in our past life, but she was the guy and I was the girl.

Tiffany Haddish 15:52 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:52 So that's, that's, that's, like, the trade-off. 'Cause I'm the romantic one.

Tiffany Haddish 15:55 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 15:55 I'm the one writing her notes and messages.

Tiffany Haddish 15:58 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 15:58 And I wanna do all the grand gestures and stuff.

Tiffany Haddish 16:00 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 16:00 And I'm the one interior designing our home and doing-

Tiffany Haddish 16:03 Uh-huh

Jay Shetty 16:03 ... all of that stuff, and she does not care.

Tiffany Haddish 16:05 And she's like... No, she's like-

Jay Shetty 16:06 She doesn't-

Tiffany Haddish 16:06 ... "Let's get money and go on a trip."

Jay Shetty 16:07 [laughs] She-

Tiffany Haddish 16:08 "Let's have some fun. Let's go do an adventure."

Jay Shetty 16:09 [laughs] Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 16:10 "Let's go do an adventure."

Jay Shetty 16:10 I like adventure. I like adventure. But you were saying you have criteria now.

Tiffany Haddish 16:14 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 16:14 What, what are the cri- what are the criteria to date Tiffany, Tiffany

Jay Shetty 16:17 Haddish?

Tiffany Haddish 16:17 Uh, um, okay, so now that I'm older, I can't have that criteria of, like, "Ooh, he can't have no kids," because, uh, we're older now. So I expect, like, if he has kids, cool, but they need to be, like, grown, 18 or over. Uh, 'cause I don't wanna deal, like, with baby mama drama, and I feel like, you know, I wanna... I, I like communicating like an adult. Also, he needs to have his own career-

Jay Shetty 16:40 Mm-hmm

Tiffany Haddish 16:40 ... or some sort of business. You know what I'm saying? He needs to have, like, a EIN number. I think that's really important. He knows how to... needs to know how to run something. Uh, 'cause, you know, men, I think men like to, uh, have control and power over women and wanna run women and wanna be the leader. Well, can you... How's your business? Does your business run well? Or do you have, do you have long-term employees? Do you... Like, is that doing well? Like, 'cause, 'cause now I'ma... if I'm gonna give you access to me, I need to know that you know how to do that. Good credit score. Now, I will forgive if maybe your credit score fell off for a minute 'cause you had to go to the doctor or something happened, you know? Whatever, okay, I might could forgive that, but then also I want you to be physically healthy and fit, so, I mean, you better be on top of your health.

Jay Shetty 17:22 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 17:22 Like, 'cause I'm trying my best with mine, and I don't wanna be changing nobody's diapers that's grown.

Jay Shetty 17:28 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 17:29 If you have pubic hairs, I don't think I should be changing your diaper.

Jay Shetty 17:31 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 17:32 That's it.

Jay Shetty 17:32 I fi- I find that to be the biggest one. Like, I find so many people don't grow up till so much later in life, and I find so many of my friends are either with guys or girls or whoever it may be that feel young.

Tiffany Haddish 17:46 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 17:46 Like, they feel like they are the person's parent.

Tiffany Haddish 17:48 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 17:49 And they're their partner's parent, and they, they're-

Tiffany Haddish 17:50 Yeah, I don't want that

Jay Shetty 17:51 ... they're cooking for them, cleaning for them, taking care of all of this stuff. It's, it's, it's bizarre to me that we're still living in that time.

Tiffany Haddish 17:57 Yeah, I don't wanna feel like I'm your parent. I don't wanna feel like I'm your doctor. But if you got, like, a cold or something or you feeling like you got a little back pain, I'd love to rub your back, and I, and I come up with elixirs and stuff to make you feel better-

Jay Shetty 18:09 Really?

Tiffany Haddish 18:09 ... or whatever. Yeah, but you need to come Already showing up pretty healthy.

Jay Shetty 18:12 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 18:12 Like, think of it as like the military.

Jay Shetty 18:14 What's in these elixirs?

Tiffany Haddish 18:15 Oh, these elixirs. You know, we got ginger, we got turmeric. You know, we got the little vitamins and nutrients. You know, uh-

Jay Shetty 18:22 Nice

Tiffany Haddish 18:22 ... uh, s- aloe vera. Things from my garden. Uh-

Jay Shetty 18:25 You grow some of

Jay Shetty 18:26 this stuff?

Tiffany Haddish 18:26 I gr- I grow this stuff.

Jay Shetty 18:27 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 18:27 Yeah. I grow food. Like, and also-

Jay Shetty 18:29 Wow

Tiffany Haddish 18:29 ... I need a guy that's not afraid to get a little dirty, you know? Help me in the garden. Like-

Jay Shetty 18:33 Mm

Tiffany Haddish 18:33 ... don't be afraid of bees and stuff 'cause I got bees and I harvest honey.

Jay Shetty 18:37 Wait, do you have the full hazmat suit and all that stuff?

Tiffany Haddish 18:39 Yeah, I got the whole suit, but I barely-

Jay Shetty 18:41 They're always cool. I think it's cool to have

Tiffany Haddish 18:41 ... I barely... I don't know why you call it a hazmat suit, but-

Jay Shetty 18:43 Yeah, what's it called? What is it?

Tiffany Haddish 18:44 It, it's a beekeeper suit.

Jay Shetty 18:45 What's the name of it? The beekeeper suit.

Tiffany Haddish 18:45 [laughs] The beekeeper suit.

Jay Shetty 18:46 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 18:47 Uh, keep you from being stung. But I also, some, most of the time I sit out there with no suit on. I just sit and talk to them, listen to them, like, sing to the bees.

Jay Shetty 18:55 How many bees will you have on you at one time?

Tiffany Haddish 18:57 I don't know. I'll be sitting there counting, like, ooh, let me, I got 100 bees. Like-

Jay Shetty 19:00 No

Tiffany Haddish 19:00 ... they don't, they don't sit on me. Like, they-

Jay Shetty 19:02 Okay

Tiffany Haddish 19:02 ... they go, they be around me.

Jay Shetty 19:03 Right, right, right.

Tiffany Haddish 19:04 I'll be singing, telling them stories, telling jokes. Maybe complaining. Uh, I'm pretty sure my neighbors hear me. Um, so maybe the neighbors feel like I'm, like, crazy, talking to myself or talking on the phone or whatever. I don't know. I sing songs to them all the time. Um, my favorite song is D- and I know the bees are probably like, "Why is she singing this song to us?" But I like, "Butterfly, come here. You stand upon my hand. I will not harm you. I never need alarm you. I want to see your pretty wings."

Jay Shetty 19:35 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 19:36 "Tiny, dainty, colorful things. Orange and yellow, pretty fellow." And I change the colors every time.

Jay Shetty 19:43 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 19:43 I sing that and then I sing Skinamarinky Dinky Dink to the... Songs that make me happy.

Jay Shetty 19:47 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 19:48 I sing to them. Mostly when I'm stressed out, I go sit out with the bees.

Jay Shetty 19:51 So you s- when you're stressed out, you sing, sing to the bees.

Tiffany Haddish 19:54 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:55 Sit outdoors.

Tiffany Haddish 19:56 Yeah, sit outdoors.

Jay Shetty 19:56 That seems to help.

Tiffany Haddish 19:56 Lay in the grass next to them. Sometimes I just listen to them and imagine they telling me stories and I'm just really listening to the hive buzz and it's... They say that there's a, the C tone or there's a tone in a beehive that helps get rid of PTSD.

Jay Shetty 20:11 Oh, I didn't know that. Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 20:12 Yeah, yeah. That's, that's what they say. When I was doing my research on bees, that was something like that. The noise-

Jay Shetty 20:17 That's fascinating

Tiffany Haddish 20:18 ... of a hive helps with PTSD. Uh, so I like that noise.

Jay Shetty 20:23 Wow, that's fascinating.

Tiffany Haddish 20:24 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 20:24 And that, that you learned while you were getting the bees or afterwards or before?

Tiffany Haddish 20:28 Once I got the bees.

Jay Shetty 20:29 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 20:29 Yeah, once I got the bees I learned that. You know-

Jay Shetty 20:31 Wow

Tiffany Haddish 20:31 ... I was like, "Oh, I'm in a relationship now with thousands. Let's, let's figure this out. How's this gonna work?"

Jay Shetty 20:37 Are you a queen bee?

Tiffany Haddish 20:38 Um, there's a queen bee.

Jay Shetty 20:39 There's a queen bee.

Tiffany Haddish 20:40 I'm the m- I'm, I'm the master queen.

Jay Shetty 20:42 Oh, master queen.

Tiffany Haddish 20:43 I'm the friend of the bees.

Jay Shetty 20:44 Okay. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 20:45 I feed them. I give them, like, you know, spirulina with some, some sugar water or some, like, chlorophyll with sugar water and stuff like that.

Jay Shetty 20:53 You're, like, really in touch with nature. Like, nature seems to be-

Tiffany Haddish 20:56 I love nature. That's where I can, like... You can go sit in a tree, like, in the trees, but I do be in the trees sometimes. [laughs] You can go sit near the trees or in the trees, and you could cry and the trees are not gonna be like, "What's wrong with you?" You know? If anything, they'll, like, blow the leaves and, like, rub your shoulder or something, you know?

Jay Shetty 21:13 Yeah. Wow. That's fascinating.

Tiffany Haddish 21:14 In my mi- in my mind, that's what I imagine.

Jay Shetty 21:16 Yeah. Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 21:17 I have a very vivid imagination, so.

Jay Shetty 21:19 And has that always been like that since you were young?

Tiffany Haddish 21:21 Always

Tiffany Haddish 21:22 been like that. Always.

Jay Shetty 21:23 Did you have an imaginary friend growing up?

Tiffany Haddish 21:25 Yes, I did. I had two.

Jay Shetty 21:26 What were their names?

Tiffany Haddish 21:27 [laughs] Carbalita and, uh, Cracker. Cracker was a bird, and I used to be like, "Cracker want a Polly" and I would break crackers up on my shoulders and stuff. It was really the... imaginary friends was to make real friends.

Jay Shetty 21:44 I mean-

Tiffany Haddish 21:44 Yeah

Jay Shetty 21:44 ... they, they were a coping mechanism for kids as well.

Tiffany Haddish 21:47 For sure.

Jay Shetty 21:47 Yeah, they're huge.

Tiffany Haddish 21:47 Coping mechanism. I felt, in my mind, they listened to everything I said. I know exactly what they look like in my mind. I used to really rock 'em hard in junior high and, uh, we used to be like, "Cracker, what's an- answer number seven?" And they'd be like, "Tiffany's being racist." And I'm like, "No, I'm not. I'm talking to my bird." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:04 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 22:04 Like, you know? [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:06 And Carbalita?

Tiffany Haddish 22:07 And Carbalita, yeah, she's like a Puerto Rican mommy.

Jay Shetty 22:10 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 22:11 Yeah, yeah. And she was also-

Jay Shetty 22:12 What was her role?

Tiffany Haddish 22:13 Her role was, like, to keep people away from me.

Jay Shetty 22:16 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 22:16 Yeah, so I'd be like, "Ooh, you can't sit here. Carbalita's sitting there. You can't sit right there."

Jay Shetty 22:20 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 22:20 "That's her seat."

Jay Shetty 22:21 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 22:22 You know? "Carbalita said that you cute."

Jay Shetty 22:24 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 22:25 "She wanna know if you want to, uh, share your coffee cake with her."

Jay Shetty 22:28 Yeah, so she was that in between, that go between-

Tiffany Haddish 22:30 Yeah, yeah

Jay Shetty 22:31 ... and making sure who comes close, who stays far.

Tiffany Haddish 22:32 Yeah, yeah. And people would laugh. They'd be like, "Girl, you silly as hell."

Jay Shetty 22:35 Yeah. It's fascinating, isn't it? I, I feel like that whole idea of imaginary friends, it's like, if you thought about that when you were young you'd laugh at it. But now when you look back, you're like, "Oh, wait, there was a role that that person played that I didn't have someone else play in my life, so I created someone."

Tiffany Haddish 22:50 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 22:50 For something.

Tiffany Haddish 22:50 Yeah. I would be like, my sister would be trying to play with me. I'd be like, "You can't play. Carbalita says she doing this one. You can't do that one. Carbalita didn't..." Really, I just didn't want my sister to be-

Jay Shetty 22:59 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 22:59 ... doing it, but I didn't wanna tell her, "I don't want you to do it." So I'd say, "Carbalita didn't want it."

Jay Shetty 23:03 Yeah. Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 23:03 But it was really me.

Jay Shetty 23:05 Wow. Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 23:05 I really didn't want her to.

Jay Shetty 23:07 So you told us the best things about being Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany, what are the

Jay Shetty 23:10 worst things about being Tiffany Haddish?

Tiffany Haddish 23:12 The worst thing about being Tiffany Haddish is, uh, Tiffany Haddish is always under attack, and you gotta just let that happen, I guess. I guess that's just a part of being famous. But also, I just feel like that's been my whole life. It's always somebody's been hating, somebody's talking mess, somebody... But, uh, at least back in the 1900s, people did it to your face.

Jay Shetty 23:31 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 23:31 But if they talk behind your back, if somebody told you they was talking behind your back, then you went up to approach them and say, "You say this about me?" They would either say yes or no. Like, there would be, like, you know, accounta- you could hold someone accountable for what they were saying. Uh, even if there was a reporter, you know, you could call up to the, the newspaper and say, "I wanna talk to this reporter. Why you say this about me?" And then they'll tell you why they said what they said, right? But, um, now it's like everybody say whatever they want, and they think they can't be touched.

Jay Shetty 24:00 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 24:01 But that's why I'm investing in technology, that'll help-

Jay Shetty 24:03 You are?

Tiffany Haddish 24:04 Yeah. Allow me to be able to call them.

Jay Shetty 24:06 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 24:06 "Why you feel like this?"

Jay Shetty 24:08 What do you... Huh?

Tiffany Haddish 24:08 "What did I do to you? Did I sleep with your man and I don't know it?"

Jay Shetty 24:11 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 24:11 "What, what's the, what's the issue with you? Why you s- why you putting out such mean words?"

Jay Shetty 24:16 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 24:16 I mean, I think it's so crazy right now with social media because- I mean, suicide with teenagers right now is at a all- with children, all-time high. Higher than it's ever been in the history of humans. Because they can read, and they're seeing what people say.

Jay Shetty 24:32 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 24:32 Like, I work with a lot of foster youths, and my kids, they be telling me they want, they don't want me to be famous no more because they don't like what people saying about me, and it makes them cry.

Jay Shetty 24:40 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 24:40 It hurts them. So

Tiffany Haddish 24:42 while... And, and I'm like, "Don't worry. It doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. That's normal. It's normal." If I wa- if I didn't have people talking mess about me, then I wouldn't be doing good. I mean, do you believe in Jesus? If you believe in Jesus, everybody was talking mess about him, too, and then look, you know, and look what happened, you know? They're like, "I don't want you to be assassinated like Jesus. I don't want you to die." Like, I'm not gonna die. Okay, I will die.

Jay Shetty 25:04 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 25:04 But I'm not gonna die that way, I'm pretty sure. I hope I die during sex, but I'm not gonna die in that way, I don't think. But, you know... And I don't know. But, like, we can't fester on that, and don't... Just block that person. Just take those negative words off your thing. Like, block those words. But I would love to be able to just call these people because what I f- what I've found, um, is the people that be hating, usually they really love me.

Jay Shetty 25:29 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 25:29 They really, they study me super hard. They spend hours and hours making videos and, like, just saying mean stuff and talking about... But you spend hours of your life studying me.

Jay Shetty 25:42 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 25:42 There's some love there.

Jay Shetty 25:43 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 25:44 There's some... You gotta really care about me to a certain extent, so I'm honored, but it sucks because you're not brave enough to say it to my face. That I'll run into them at a party and they'll be like, "Ooh, can I get a picture?" And I'm like, "Why? Why do you want a picture with me? You, you did a horribly mean video about me."

Jay Shetty 26:01 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 26:01 "Oh, you saw that? You saw?" "Yeah, I saw. You put my name in the title."

Jay Shetty 26:06 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 26:06 You don't think the algorithm is gonna shoot me things that got my name in it? When Google first came out, Bing, all of them, when they first came out, what's the first thing you looked up? I looked up my name. And so the algorithm knows I care about me, so it's gonna send me the stuff about me. So you were seen. I see you.

Jay Shetty 26:26 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 26:27 And I'ma tell you to your face 'cause I'm not fake.

Jay Shetty 26:30 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 26:31 I'm a actual human.

Jay Shetty 26:32 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 26:32 And I wish it was the 1900s when you could slap somebody for talking shit, but now you can't even slap nobody no more. They wanna sue you or whatever. Like, punks.

Jay Shetty 26:41 [laughs] So that's, that's the hard, that's the, that's the worst part. That's the-

Tiffany Haddish 26:46 That's the hard part, yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the hard part.

Tiffany Haddish 26:47 'Cause I, I really wanna fight, but I can't, I can't... That's not a battle worth fighting, right?

Jay Shetty 26:51 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 26:52 But on my period, I will, um, use my, my fake little page, and I will chime in a little bit.

Jay Shetty 26:59 Oh, is it?

Tiffany Haddish 26:59 And take it back to the '90s.

Jay Shetty 27:00 It's a Finsta.

Tiffany Haddish 27:01 Yeah, a Finsta. That's what they call it, right?

Jay Shetty 27:03 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 27:04 Fake, a fake Insta.

Jay Shetty 27:05 Yeah, fake Insta.

Tiffany Haddish 27:05 But it's not a Insta. It's a, it's a Twitter.

Jay Shetty 27:08 Oh, it's a Twit- Okay. So it's, uh-

Tiffany Haddish 27:10 Or a X.

Jay Shetty 27:10 It's X, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 27:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 27:11 It's a, it's a fake a-

Tiffany Haddish 27:12 Yeah, Sarah be going in.

Jay Shetty 27:13 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 27:14 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 27:15 How does that help?

Tiffany Haddish 27:16 It feels good.

Jay Shetty 27:17 It feels good?

Tiffany Haddish 27:18 It's like a little release.

Jay Shetty 27:19 And this is Sarah kind of like Carmelita who's, like, protecting Tiffany, or no?

Tiffany Haddish 27:23 Nah, Sarah's my middle name. It's me.

Jay Shetty 27:25 Oh. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 27:27 [laughs] It's me. But I would love to develop, like, a AI boyfriend that, like, protects me.

Jay Shetty 27:33 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 27:33 And, like, make him look really good and stuff, and he have the, you know, Instagram account, and just, like, program him to protect me and to, like, shut down people and, like, yeah. But I found out, I hired a forensic, uh, tech guy, and I found out, like, 75% of the hate I get is bots.

Jay Shetty 27:50 Oh.

Tiffany Haddish 27:50 It's not even real people.

Jay Shetty 27:52 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 27:52 And the other 25% is people responding to the bots or making a, making videos because of what they read from the bots.

Jay Shetty 27:58 Oh my gosh.

Tiffany Haddish 27:59 It's not even real.

Jay Shetty 28:00 That's crazy.

Tiffany Haddish 28:00 A lot of these articles be AI articles, not even real articles.

Jay Shetty 28:03 No way.

Tiffany Haddish 28:04 Yeah. It's my name. But that's how powerful my name is. Like, that's w- at least that's what they make me think, like, my name is so dope, like, they want those clicks. They want that, you know, like, "I did this to T- like, I got all these clicks now, all these followers 'cause I talk shit about Tiffany."

Jay Shetty 28:21 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 28:21 Like, it's kinda dope.

Jay Shetty 28:23 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 28:24 It's kinda dope. It's kinda dope. But key, like, hot words will bring in the bots.

Jay Shetty 28:27 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 28:28 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 28:28 Yeah. Wow. You're, you're... I'm learning a lot from you today.

Tiffany Haddish 28:31 Yeah, yeah. You can hire-

Jay Shetty 28:32 There's like tech ed, sex ed. It's like-

Tiffany Haddish 28:33 Yeah, I'm a, I'm multifaceted-

Jay Shetty 28:35 Yeah, I know

Tiffany Haddish 28:35 ... like a little onion.

Jay Shetty 28:36 It's great. It's amazing.

Tiffany Haddish 28:37 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 28:37 I lo- I love how curious your mind is. Like, uh, I've, I've already learned about bees. Like, it's fascinating. It's fascinating. I, I wanna go backwards, Tiffany, because I feel like one of the things you do in this book is you really let us into some of the, the trauma, the challenges, the, the difficult experiences. And as I said to you before, what I find amazing about the way you communicate is that we feel what you felt even if we've not been there.

Tiffany Haddish 29:03 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 29:03 And I think the way you write in this book is really powerful.

Tiffany Haddish 29:06 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 29:06 Like you said earlier, you said, "I think I'm smart." You're smart because the way you express yourself lands and resonates even if you just read one or two lines that just grab hold of you. And at the same time, you're making everyone laugh through the book, too. But I wanna kinda go backwards because you did have a really... You've had, you had many different challenging, traumatic relationships in your life. I wanna start with your mother because

Jay Shetty 29:32 she went through something horrific herself which, when I, when I read about that, I was like, "I can't even believe what she's had to go through and then how it impact on you." I was gonna ask you, has that relationship ever had an opportunity to heal or improve? Like, does it-

Tiffany Haddish 29:46 It's getting better

Jay Shetty 29:47 ... is it even possible? Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 29:47 Better and better every day. Better and better every day 'cause I have a better understanding. You know, um, I used to be really mad at her and really, like, upset with her, like, "Just take your meds. Just, just heal already. Just be back to my mommy, my, like, my everything," you know? I always think about this time when, um... Like, I loved that woman. I, like, really, really, really loved that woman. Like, like, immensely. Like, that's my first love. This woman fed me, clothed me. ... taught me. I love this woman, and it's like she came back from that accident somebody else. Not, not the woman that I love. But that's her, that's her meat suit, that's her body, but that's not my mommy. And I get glimpses of her, and as time has gone by and, you know, I've l- I've used my money to like get her the best of the best and get her healthy and get her on track and, um, and get my, get my sister the education. My sister's helping me. Like, we help each other. We, we are working as a team, right? And, uh, to see like the progress is like, it's, it's such a... It's like, okay, well, they say money's the root of all evil. But if you know how to use it right, it's a tool, and if you know how to use it right, you can help like heal and get like glimpses of what was. And, um, I remember when I was a little girl, I wanted to like just make her happy. That's all I wanted to do, make her happy. And she would work these graveyard, uh, hours at the post office, and I was like 3. And I wanted to make her eggs 'cause she would come in and make me eggs, right? And I used to always try to cook for her. Always I'd pull all the pots and pans and everything out like, "I'm, I'm gonna cook for my mommy and I'ma play music, too." Like, [laughs] you know? Like, waste all this food. I'll put oatmeal, Worcestershire sauce, Lawry's Seasoned Salt, all that stuff in like... And she'd be like, "No, no, stop messing around in my stuff," and I'd get a spanking. This one particular day, though, I was p- determined to make her some eggs. So I did everything I saw her do the day before. So I got, uh, I got the eggs out the refrigerator. I did all the eggs. All the eggs.

Jay Shetty 32:02 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 32:02 I didn't take the shells off of them. Put all the eggs in this Tupperware bowl. I stirred it all up.

Jay Shetty 32:06 Oh, boy.

Tiffany Haddish 32:07 I put pepper, I put garlic salt, I put Lawry's Seasoned Salt. Stirred 'em all up, stirred 'em all up, stirred 'em all up. And then I turned on the fire on the stove and I just put the Tupperware container [laughs] on top of the fire. And I was stirring it. I was like, "Why is it not doing what it's supposed to do?"

Jay Shetty 32:23 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 32:23 And then it's like plastic, it's like smoking and it's burning. And my mom comes in there, and she had just got off work, right? So she's in the bathroom, whatever. My mom comes in, "What are you doing? Oh, my goodness!" She gives me a whooping. She turn, you know, turns off the fire, cleans it, gives me a spanking, says, "You not supposed to do this. You don't touch the stove. You don't this." And I was just like, "I was trying to make you breakfast. I was trying to make you breakfast."

Jay Shetty 32:45 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 32:46 And she stopped. And this is what I loved about my mommy. This is wh- She's the best mommy. She was the best. What I loved about her, she stopped, right? And she was like, "I'ma teach you. If you gonna keep doing this, I gotta teach you how to do this." So we cleaned the stove and everything together. She got some... went and got some more eggs, 'cause I had did all the eggs. I had did all the eggs. She got more eggs and stuff. We went to the grocery store. She said, "This how you buy the eggs. This how you this, this how you that." We get home. She's like, "Okay, I'ma show you how to make this." And she sh- got another Tupperware bowl. She said, "This is just for mixing, okay? And you use this and you do a dash like that, and do the dash." And I do the dash. And she did, "You just then a dash." And I did the dash. And then another dash, right? And she's like stirring it up. She's showing me how to stir it up. I stir it up and she said, "Okay. Now, you see this skillet?" This a cast iron skillet. "You put the eggs in here. Always in the cast iron. And then you have to have butter, Tiffany, so the eggs can slide." And then she sh- gimme the butter and then she let me scoop the butter and put the butter in there. And then she said, "Now you turn the fire on. But you don't turn it on super high. You turn it on medium 'cause you don't want your er- eggs to burn, okay?" And I'm like, "Okay." And so I turn the eggs on medium. And then she's like, "Very good, very good. Now pour the eggs in there." And I pour it and she said, "Pour it in slow. You don't gotta pour it fast." I'm like, "Oh, oh, slow, slow."

Jay Shetty 34:06 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 34:07 And she said, "Now take your thi- your spoon and spi- stir it, stir it. This is scrambled eggs. You making scrambled." I was like, "Scrambled! Scrambled!" I was so happy. I so happy. Now I had got my, I got my ass lit, I almost burned down the house.

Jay Shetty 34:21 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 34:21 And now she's teaching me how to do it. And we did it and we ate the eggs together. And I, I just remember I was like in love with this woman for teaching me this. And then she's like, "Now you have to clean up. When you cook, you gotta clean." So then it was then we cleaned the dishes together. And then after that I was her dishwasher. I always washed the dishes. Whenever she cooked, I was in there trying to cook with her. I mean, I was cutting up vegetables and stuff at three and four years old. Like, I was the sous chef. I was always like, I wanted to be her best friend, helper, everything. Like, and she taught me a lot. Like, every... Like, I helped grocery shopping, all that. When my sisters was born, I'm changing diapers, I'm making bottles. I'm her best helper. I'm her everything. Like, that was... I loved her. I still love her. But I miss that mommy. I miss that mommy. And I'm her helper now, um, but she like to fight me, so [laughs] we gotta be careful 'cause I can't be showing up to work with a black eye. 'Cause she different now. I miss that mommy, though.

Jay Shetty 35:27 I can't imagine how

Jay Shetty 35:28 hard it is to-

Tiffany Haddish 35:29 [sighs]

Jay Shetty 35:30 ... know someone that intimately, that closely, and then they're not that person because of a horrific accident that she had, so it was totally out of her control. And now not only do you have to get to know this new person, you miss this person that you just so beautifully described. When did you start even letting yourself process that grief? 'Cause I can imagine it's just shock.

Tiffany Haddish 35:58 Processing that grief? I mean, I don't know. I think, I think when my grandma passed, who was my first best friend, uh, who I still miss terribly, I think that's when, uh, I think that's, uh, when I started really like, "Okay." Like, the last, since she's been gone, it's been two years. I think it's been the hardest two years of my whole existence. 'Cause that was my shield That was my, like, protector. I could tell her all my dreams. Like, and she would be like, "Well, if you wanna do that, you better figure this out. You better figure..." Like, she was, like, a good sounding board for me and was my first best friend. And I don't even... Some days I don't even know how I get out the bed 'cause I miss her so much.

Jay Shetty 36:41 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 36:41 But then also I don't wanna let her down, and she... But she installed so much, like, um, no, don't give up. Don't be a quitter.

Jay Shetty 36:49 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 36:50 Like, we're not, we're not quitters over here, so you can't quit. So figure it out.

Jay Shetty 36:55 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 36:55 Even if you gotta half-ass do it, half-ass do it. Get it done. Figure it out.

Jay Shetty 36:59 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 37:00 And so that's what I do. But I also had to, like, learn to, like... I, I've been learning how to grieve.

Jay Shetty 37:09 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 37:09 I've been learning how to sit in. And, and like, [sighs] some people tell me I shouldn't make jokes out of everything, but that's how I process.

Jay Shetty 37:18 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 37:18 And I think you use the same, the same muscles. The muscles that you use to cry, same muscles you use to laugh. It hurts so much when you cry. I mean, sometimes I cry so hard I throw up, and it is ugh. Like-

Jay Shetty 37:30 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 37:31 ... even though I could use the abs, but [laughs] it's like-

Jay Shetty 37:34 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 37:34 ... I don't w- I don't want that. I'd rather have the abs from laughing so hard. I'd rather... Like, so I'll get to a point where I'm like, "Oh, I miss my grandma," and I'll try to remember something. I'll click on something that's, like, in my brain. Like, I'm clicking on, like, opening files up, like, in a library.

Jay Shetty 37:50 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 37:50 Remember those index where you have to-

Jay Shetty 37:51 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 37:51 ... click through the index?

Jay Shetty 37:52 I remember.

Tiffany Haddish 37:52 And I'm like, "Okay, uh, oh, when we made, uh, s- a sweet potato pie. Ooh, and when we went to the fair together and left everybody behind. Ooh, when we did..." Like, try to, like, click to the, the good memories, to the, to the fun stuff. Even though there was a lot of hard stuff, but, like, I mean, I still got her wigs. I'll be putting on her wigs sometimes.

Jay Shetty 38:13 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 38:13 And, like, I'm getting afraid 'cause they're starting to lose her scent, but you know. I still, it's in the back of my memory. It's in there. It's in there. But, like, yeah, and I've been grieving my mom. I guess I've been grieving her my whole life.

Jay Shetty 38:26 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 38:27 My whole, like, teens and 20s and 30s and all that, but not r- not really focused on it so much as grieving because the, the flesh is still here, and I know she in there somewhere.

Jay Shetty 38:38 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 38:38 And I could get little, sometimes little, like a little fix. She in there somewhere. Ugh. That's when you wish I had, I wish I had magical powers. I could just... Mommy's back.

Jay Shetty 38:51 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 38:52 Oh my God. That would be crazy though 'cause she was super thirsty for knowledge too. She calls me sometimes. We got her a cell phone, and she been using it, but she keep on trying to buy stuff. So, uh, we gotta be careful. Like, we don't put no credit card on it. Don't assign it to nothing 'cause she been wanting to buy stuff. And she call me and say, "Um, I need to go to college."

Jay Shetty 39:09 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 39:10 "I'm trying to go to college. I need to go get certified in culinary arts. I need to go get certified in dog grooming. I need to get certified in my Demo Deluxe program." I'm like, "Demo Deluxe?" She's like, "Yes. Samples, food samples in marketing, in grocery stores." I was like, "Well, I'm building a grocery store. So then you could just, you know, do demos in the grocery store. You don't gotta get certified. I got you." She's like, "No, no, but I need to go to college. I need to, I need to go to school."

Jay Shetty 39:35 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 39:35 "Okay, I have to go to school." And I'm like, "Okay, Mama."

Jay Shetty 39:37 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 39:37 But, like, and that makes me excited that she wants to learn.

Jay Shetty 39:40 Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 39:40 That she wants to go to school. But then I'm, like, concerned. Do I let her go to school? Do I send her to this community college where she potentially might have a episode and fight somebody?

Jay Shetty 39:50 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 39:50 Or she might disturb the class, start talking, or she starts seeing things and starts screaming at them or, you know, like, do I allow this? And, like, what if we give her too much medication and she, like, falls asleep in the class and she starts snoring super loud and they put her out and then we can't find her and... Do I hire a nurse to go to school with her? Do I... Like, okay, you trying to go to school, then you gotta go to school with my mama and y'all take the same classes. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 40:12 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 40:12 Do I pay for somebody else's school to go to school with my mom and protect my mom, and make sure she don't eat too much candy and make sure she don't eat no junk food and stuff? Like, because that, that'll, when she eats junk food or processed foods, that sends her over the edge and now she's, like, in another dimension. And am I blocking my mama from these dimensions? 'Cause maybe her being in those other dimensions is really good s- material, and I need to be sitting with her when she talking to these people that I don't see, and maybe that's, like, something I could use for a movie or something. I don't know.

Jay Shetty 40:40 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 40:40 And maybe God gave her this, this, like, brain injury to see over there, and maybe she really protecting me and I don't even know it. I'm blocking my protection. 'Cause I feel like my grandma was my shield and my protection, but now that's gone, and I don't have the protector no more. So I gotta figure out who's protecting me. And it's, right now it's just me. You know, and my prayers and I think my sister, my sister's definitely... We, we work well together, so.

Jay Shetty 41:08 And your faith?

Tiffany Haddish 41:09 Oh, my faith is definitely protecting.

Jay Shetty 41:11 Yeah. That's coming through.

Tiffany Haddish 41:11 Yeah, that's why I say my prayers.

Jay Shetty 41:12 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 41:12 Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? God is, like, that's my dad.

Jay Shetty 41:16 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 41:16 [laughs] I lost my actual

Tiffany Haddish 41:18 biological physical father, but I feel like God's been my dad all this time. I've always believed in God, always had a relationship. Been very mad at Him a lot, but you know, it is what it is.

Jay Shetty 41:28 Yeah. I mean-

Tiffany Haddish 41:28 I still love Him very much.

Jay Shetty 41:30 Yeah, I mean, as I'm, as I'm listening to you, it's, it's so challenging to think that you have someone in front of you but you know that the person you love is inside of them. And like you said, you get the glimpses, but then at the same time, like you said, it can get abusive. It can be violent. It can... Because of the brain injury. And then when you look at your relationship with your father, and you go to in depth in the book, and I want people to read the book, but I believe your father left when you were, like, three or four.

Tiffany Haddish 41:56 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 41:57 And you always had this fixation of wanting to reconnect with him, and you talk about in the book how, like, any back of the head you see that look like your father-

Tiffany Haddish 42:06 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 42:06 ... it's like you're like, "That, is that-"

Tiffany Haddish 42:07 You're like, "That. Daddy? That, is that my dad? Uh, are you my dad?" Like, you know, that book, Are You My Mother? And like, "Are you my daddy? Are you my daddy?" Like, so wanting a dad. I needed, I needed that. Like, I think if I woulda had him, I probably- I might not be who I am today, for sure. I wouldn't be who I am today, and that would be, uh, very just, uh, a tragedy. But maybe I wouldn't have slept with so many dudes. Maybe I wouldn't have been so, like, uh, thirsty for attention or maybe I would've learned how to live with the man and been a better wife and been a, a, be a better girlfriend and understand men better, like, uh, but I think, like, everything happens the way it's supposed to, even though, like, I wish there was some male that was there that I felt safe with that could show me on a regular basis how to be around men and not, like, how I learned how to be around men, which was like I was a tomboy and I was like, "Oh yeah, I can do that too." Like, stupid. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 43:04 No, I tell you were figuring it out. You were figuring it out.

Tiffany Haddish 43:06 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 43:06 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 43:06 I was figuring it out, but dang. But how much time would I have saved, you know?

Jay Shetty 43:10 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 43:11 And my dad probably would've felt s- so much less guilt had he been around, you know? But my mom was threatening to put him in jail, send, get him deported or whatever. So I get it. I get it.

Jay Shetty 43:20 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 43:20 He didn't wanna go back to no war. I get it.

Jay Shetty 43:22 Yeah. But you were able to reconnect with him.

Tiffany Haddish 43:24 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 43:25 From what, when you read about that, you're like, wow, like, because you'd think most people would have resentment and bitterness and have this, like, angst against this person. But actually, you were just like, "This is amazing."

Tiffany Haddish 43:39 Yeah. Well, see, I wanted to have that.

Jay Shetty 43:41 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 43:41 I thought, I thought that's what I would have. I thought I would kick him in the balls and be like, "Why'd you even have sex with my mama and make me and leave me behind?" Like, I thought I would be, like, so mean to him and mad with him, but that's not what my soul was feeling. My soul was feeling like, "Okay, this is our new adventure. This is amazing. Like, oh, he's way handsomer than Mama said."

Jay Shetty 44:00 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 44:00 "He's actually way kinder than what she said. He's actually this." Like sh- like, everything that I was told was, like, the opposite, and then, like, everything my grandma told me was kinda like right on point, which I should've been listening to her. She was my best friend. I should've listened to her from the first. But, you know, the love of my life is telling me these things, so I'm believing what she said. And, like, to be in his presence was like the little girl, the three-year-old in me was so happy, and I was kinda upset that I was too big for him to pick up.

Jay Shetty 44:30 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 44:31 Like, I wanted him to pick me up and hold me and put, put me on his hip, and I still kinda got this, a fixation with that where I like, like, I kinda would like to start a service where, like, retired basketball players could hold you like a baby.

Jay Shetty 44:41 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 44:43 [laughs] Like-

Jay Shetty 44:45 That's amazing

Tiffany Haddish 44:46 ... like, you pay them, like, $300 an hour, and they just hold you like a baby and tell you it's gonna be okay and pat you on the back and burp you. Why does nobody burps you anymore?

Jay Shetty 44:53 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 44:54 I want somebody to burp me.

Jay Shetty 44:55 That's hilarious.

Tiffany Haddish 44:56 Like, for them-

Jay Shetty 44:56 I've just got this vision of, like, Shaq, like.

Tiffany Haddish 44:59 I asked Shaq. Shaq said, "Girl, you crazy. You, you so damn silly."

Jay Shetty 45:01 You actually asked him?

Tiffany Haddish 45:02 Yeah, I asked him, and he was like, "Girl, you silly. You hilarious."

Jay Shetty 45:04 Wait, wait, wait. What did you ask him?

Tiffany Haddish 45:05 I said, "Would you hold me like a baby and, like, then burp me?" And he was like, "Girl, you crazy. You so damn silly." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 45:11 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 45:11 Like, I was like-

Jay Shetty 45:12 Have you asked any other players?

Tiffany Haddish 45:13 I have mentioned it, and they just laugh. They... I think they think I'm joking, but I'm dead serious. I don't even laugh when I say it. I'm like, "Would you hold me like a baby and then, like, put me over your shoulder and then burp me and then, like, maybe hold me on your hip like this?"

Jay Shetty 45:27 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 45:27 "And, and just tell me it's gonna be okay, that everything gonna be all right? Would you do that for me?" And they'd be like [laughs] "You crazy, girl. You so stupid. Girl, you stupid as hell. Girl, this... You hear Tiffany? She a damn comedian. This a comedian right here. This... Girl."

Jay Shetty 45:40 It's a real request, though. Like, I can hear what you're saying. Like, there's... We all want this feeling of being embraced and being, like, just feeling like nothing else matters and that everything's-

Tiffany Haddish 45:50 Yeah

Jay Shetty 45:50 ... taken care of, and there's a safety-

Tiffany Haddish 45:52 Yeah

Jay Shetty 45:52 ... that we're all craving.

Tiffany Haddish 45:53 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 45:53 Even if that's-

Tiffany Haddish 45:54 Like, when I see my mom now, like, uh, like, I see her all the time. Uh, but what it's like right... I could tell when my cycle coming right before it come 'cause I see her, and I just want her to hold me.

Jay Shetty 46:04 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 46:04 So I just hug her super tight. She'd be like, "Get off, girl. Okay, like, all right. That's enough." And I'm like, "No, Mama, hold me."

Jay Shetty 46:09 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 46:10 [laughs] Like... And she's like, "That's enough. That's enough." Clearly, my love language is touch, right?

Jay Shetty 46:14 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 46:14 So then, uh, another time she was sitting on the couch in my house watching TV, and she's just like, "This TV's so big." And I felt so proud of myself that she said my TV's so big. So then I sat down next to her, and then I just tried to, like, crawl up in her lap. I tried to, like, get in her lap, and she's like, "Girl, you too big. Get off of, get off of me."

Jay Shetty 46:30 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 46:30 And I'm just like, I want her to hold me in her lap like she used to when I was a baby.

Jay Shetty 46:33 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 46:33 When I was little, I used to sit in her lap and watch TV, lay, lean on her like this. You know, we watched TV together, but I'm too big now.

Jay Shetty 46:41 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 46:41 I'm too damn big.

Jay Shetty 46:42 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 46:43 [laughs] Uh-

Jay Shetty 46:44 Walk, walk me through that phone call with your dad when it comes out of nowhere.

Tiffany Haddish 46:49 Oh.

Jay Shetty 46:49 Because you're so much... How old were you in that call, again?

Tiffany Haddish 46:52 26.

Jay Shetty 46:53 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 46:53 About to be 27.

Jay Shetty 46:54 So we're talking about three, four to 26, 27.

Tiffany Haddish 46:56 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 46:56 It's like, walk me through.

Tiffany Haddish 46:59 Okay, so I talked to this man that's at some facility, say

Tiffany Haddish 47:02 he knows my dad or whatever, and he's gonna give my dad the number and all that stuff. And I said, "Okay, cool." Then, like, days go by, and then I get the call, and he's like, "Hello? Is this Tiffany?" And I'm like... I knew, like, my whole soul knew instantly who he was. Like, it's like DNA, like, recognition or something. Like, the little girl in me lit up, like a, like I [laughs] like if I was, like, laying on the couch asleep.

Jay Shetty 47:26 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 47:26 It's like, "Daddy?" [laughs]

Jay Shetty 47:28 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 47:28 You know? It's like, "Daddy, is that you?" And, um, I was like, "Yes." He was like, "This is Thayat, your father." I'm like, "Daddy, where you been?" [laughs] Like, "Where you been? Are you sure you're my dad? How you know... Wait, are you sure you're my dad?" Like, and I was asking him questions about family members. He knew stuff that nobody else would know except, like, him and my mama would know. And I was like, "Where are you? When can I see you? I need to see you. I miss you. Um, where you been? Why you ain't come and get me?" Like, and I just wanted him to keep talking. That, that voice, man. I can't... I'm not very good at impersonating it, but I got, like, a lot of voicemails. I always ask him, like, "If, if I don't answer, please leave me a voice message." I got his voice messages, and I be listening to them make me feel better. Like- I miss him. And I was missing him, like I barely knew him and I was missing him, right? So like I be loving people too much, I think. Uh, but I knew it was him immediately. I wanted to see him immediately. We set up a time for me to go and visit him, uh, to drive up to Virginia. Went up to Virginia, and I went to see him. As soon as I saw him, it was like my whole soul rejoiced. So happy. He's very handsome. I'm glad I met him, like in that way instead of like in some nightclub or something, 'cause I probably would've tried to hit on him or something [laughs] like, thought he was beautiful. And we just talked and talked and talked, and I was just like trying to crawl in his lap, but I'm bigger than him. [laughs] I'm bigger than him. I was trying to get him to hold me, try to spend as much time with him as I could, and like he was feeling a lot of guilt. He's like, "I should've been there for this, I should've been there for that." And I'm like, "Yeah, you should've, but you're here now. Like, we, we got this now." Like, and just getting to know him, and I was asking him all these questions like, "Is it true that I'm Jewish? My grandma always said this. Is this true?" He goes, "Yes, this is true. But this and this and this, and this is what happened, and I had to leave and I had to this and..." And I'm just like, wow, like asking him so many questions. "What was it like for you when you was a little boy? Did you use toilet in a hole? Did you use toilet in a toilet? Like, did you have... Like, what did you have?" And he's like, "Yeah, we had money. We had a toilet. I went... I had Italian clothes. I had this. I got, I learned German. I learned this language. I know this. I know that." It was like eight languages. Like, I just was constantly like, I feel like I was interrogating him all the time.

Jay Shetty 49:57 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 49:57 And then he came to California, and then I would take him to go see my mom, but then I would like snap at him and stuff 'cause it would be this, like, part of me that's like, "Damn, I'm doing all this shit for you. When you gonna do something for me?" But like, then I had to check myself like, "Hey, he gave us life. Like, be nice." Like, but sometimes I would be mean.

Jay Shetty 50:13 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 50:13 Especially like, and he would get, he would get the business if I drank. Sometimes I would get like really, like lit and remorseful.

Jay Shetty 50:21 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 50:22 Then I would call him and I would just cuss him out. I would just give him hell. I'm like, "I was a ho 'cause you wasn't there. I was this because you didn't show..."

Jay Shetty 50:29 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 50:29 "You didn't teach me how to do this."

Jay Shetty 50:30 So he did, he did hear that. Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 50:31 Yeah, he did hear it. He heard it from the drunk side of me. He [laughs]

Jay Shetty 50:33 And when you... Were you funnier when you were drunk like that, or no, that was like intense?

Tiffany Haddish 50:37 No, no, I was intense.

Jay Shetty 50:38 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 50:38 I was sitting on the porch. I was like, "I married this man. I shouldn't have married this man." I, I was like, yeah, I was at home drinking, the man's on my nerves. I'm like, "What did I do? I ruined my life. Like, I, this isn't who I'm supposed to be with." But clearly I was supposed to be there 'cause I needed to learn some things, and I learned a lot from that relationship, and I'm grateful for that relationship, but I would never go back. I remember sitting on the porch just crying to my daddy about how, like, I made all these bad decisions and bad choices 'cause I didn't have my daddy to guide me, and I need, I need my dad. I need, I need you. Like, and he's like, "I will get the place with... You don't have to be with him. I will get a place, and you can have your own room and you can have your own this." And he never did do that. He never got to that level 'cause he wasn't mentally all where he needed to be. Like, he was... Man, that man w- witnessed a war, and then came here and witnessed a whole bunch of other horrible things that, like, I could only imagine. And then the guilt that he was feeling for, like, abandoning his country, ab- you know, abandoning his daughter, doing all... Like, I'm sure he's feeling super-duper guilty, and then he's learn, learning how to grieve too. His mother died, his daddy died, his brothers are all dead. All he got is aunties, and they, you know. If they're anything, if they're w- if they were doing to him anything like what they do to me, um, and they probably did it to him more, um, I just, you know?

Jay Shetty 52:09 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 52:10 I, I pray for him.

Jay Shetty 52:12 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 52:13 I pray for his soul. I feel like, oh, man, he's gotta feel horrible.

Jay Shetty 52:18 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 52:18 He probably felt like shit on a daily basis. So I really... And then the next day I apologized so tough to him-

Jay Shetty 52:26 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 52:26 ... 'cause for going off on him like that, and I'm like, "I should've never did that." He's like, "No, it's okay. You know, my friends, my friends are always like, 'Well, how is your daughter so nice to you and you didn't even raise her? I raise my daughters, and my daughter's so mean to me-

Jay Shetty 52:37 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 52:37 ... and evil to me, and your daughter's nice and kind to you and loves you. Like, my daugh- Maybe I shouldn't have been there for my daughter. Maybe she would, would be nice to me, 'cause my daughter's mean to me.'" And then when I was mean to him, he's like telling all his friends, "She's finally was mean to me.

Jay Shetty 52:49 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 52:49 She cussed me out. She was mean to me." Go Like, he could fit in with his group of friends or whatever, but...

Jay Shetty 52:54 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 52:55 He's like, "It's okay. You gotta express yourself. You gotta let that out. Express yourself." And I'm like, "No, but it's wrong. Because I really do love you. I really do appreciate you giving me life, even though I hate this life a lot of days." [laughs] Like, a lot, a lot of days I hate even, like, man, why couldn't I have just been a tree?

Jay Shetty 53:13 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 53:13 Like, why couldn't... Just stay in one place and watch the world change around me. Like, uh, but then trees get abused too, so-

Jay Shetty 53:20 Yeah, for sure

Tiffany Haddish 53:21 ... but, but they, but they-

Jay Shetty 53:21 For sure

Tiffany Haddish 53:21 ... they somehow-

Jay Shetty 53:22 There's, there's a, there's a great... Yeah, I mean, trees live through a lot, the, and they've seen a lot, and they've been through a lot.

Tiffany Haddish 53:27 And they live through a lot of abuse.

Jay Shetty 53:29 Yeah, for sure. But there's so much

Jay Shetty 53:31 in what you're saying that I think resonates so deeply with me. This curiosity and context around how our parents became who they were-

Tiffany Haddish 53:40 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 53:40 ... is so huge. Like, to actually have context of how your dad became your dad, how your mom became your mom. This isn't a matter of whose fault is it.

Tiffany Haddish 53:51 No.

Jay Shetty 53:51 It's all your fault. It's account... It's not that. It's let's understand people's stories.

Tiffany Haddish 53:56 Yeah, so I don't feel ba- like-

Jay Shetty 53:58 That it's your fault

Tiffany Haddish 53:59 ... I, yeah, that it's not my fault. It's not your fault. You had these experiences. And I think I like to imagine that there's a contract that you signed with God before you got here that says, "Hey, this is the stuff you're gonna go through so you can accomplish these things." And maybe their job was just to make me.

Jay Shetty 54:15 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 54:16 Maybe their, their job was to, you know, be in certain people's lives and find this thing and to activate this person for that and activate this person for this. Um, maybe that was their job. Maybe that- that's the contract they signed, and I hope my mom has, like, a whole bunch more stuff to do, uh, and lives a lot longer and, and I hope I do get her into college and, like, she doesn't fight the teachers or anything like that. Like, uh, I hope that it turns out great and she does get her certification in culinary arts and she's able to cook and do whatever it is she wants to do.

Jay Shetty 54:46 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 54:46 Like, whatever her dream is, I want her to have her dream. Um, and I wanna... I would love to facilitate it, but also I wanna protect the safety of others [laughs] at the same time, and the, you know, the mental sanity of others 'cause, uh-

Jay Shetty 54:59 You have to set up a private school.

Tiffany Haddish 55:01 Yeah, maybe I set up a pri- ... Maybe I have professors come to teach her, uh, but she wants to go.

Jay Shetty 55:06 Yeah, yeah. She wants to attend.

Tiffany Haddish 55:07 She's cool. So, so-

Jay Shetty 55:07 Yeah, yeah, I get it

Tiffany Haddish 55:08 ... so maybe I set it up like, you know, hire some actors and, you know, some teachers.

Jay Shetty 55:12 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 55:13 And, you know, like she's at school. You're at school. And then maybe they are psychologists that, like... You know, maybe th- maybe she's work study. Maybe she's a study. Maybe it's a study program-

Jay Shetty 55:22 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 55:22 ... where there's a therapist in the room, but they studying culinary arts and they seeing how someone with this type of damage in their brain operates in this type of environment. You know what? I should make some money off of that.

Jay Shetty 55:31 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 55:33 And that could, that could contribute to the generational wealth I'm trying to create for this family.

Jay Shetty 55:37 [laughs] Did you always... You know, honestly, Tiffany, I think when people read this book, they're, they're gonna laugh as I'm laughing right now, and they're also gonna feel... I, I, and I'm not just saying this as flattery and I'm not just saying it because you're here. I, I really do mean this. It's very rare f- to meet someone who's been through as much as you have and hear it in a processed, thoughtful way. Yes, it's hilarious, but it's also processed. Was... What else apart from comedy was your therapy? Like, what else has been part of this healing journey to help process-

Tiffany Haddish 56:11 Actual therapy. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 56:12 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 56:12 Court ordered therapy.

Jay Shetty 56:13 Yeah, yeah. W-

Tiffany Haddish 56:14 Yeah, I was, like, ordered by the courts to go to therapy eventually, and, like, uh, that helped a lot. Man, some therapists were really good and some were, like, horrible, and I felt like I was, like, sitting in a therapist office just doing standup for them 'cause they're giggling and laughing and stuff, and I'm like, "Wait. Heal me. Heal me. Like, g- get the pain away. Like, uh, get me where I can, like, function." And, and they would make suggestions, and those suggestions actually, like, did make a difference. That one therapist that said, like, "Get back to doing standup as a hobby. Just do it as a hobby," and it, that turned into a full-blown living, and I appreciate, appreciate her for saying that. But, like, um, actual therapy. Actually reading books. Like, actually, like, reading different books about, like, self-care.

Jay Shetty 56:58 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 56:58 Like, self-care stuff and, and maybe there'd be, like, you read this 300-page book and there'd be, like, one thing in it that I could take-

Jay Shetty 57:05 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 57:05 ... with me. I... Man, Louise Hay. I love me some-

Jay Shetty 57:08 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 57:08 ... Louise Hay. That lady, oh, if, if, if she was still alive... I remember when she died, I cried for her.

Jay Shetty 57:14 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 57:14 If she was still alive, I'd, I'd kiss, I'd kiss her right on her third eye and say, "Thank you." [laughs] Kiss her right on her third eye.

Jay Shetty 57:20 Louise Hay's amazing.

Tiffany Haddish 57:21 Yeah, 'cause that, like, her, her, like, mantras, the, uh, You Can Heal Your Body book. Like, even though I don't know if those, those mantras really help, I do 'em anyways. You know? Just distract my mind from whatever that's going on. Uh, I don't think the one for endometriosis works.

Jay Shetty 57:40 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 57:40 I think they gotta re- we gotta rewrite that one, but [laughs] but, but I mean, just, just those thing... Like, the self-care. Self-care. Being self-aware. Like, um, and it's a process. You know? Look, I been drinking, I been drinking since I was 21 years old on and off. I would go years without drinking. Drink, no drink, drink, no drink. Whatever. Not really my bag. Y- you know, had my incidents and I'm just like, "You know what? I ain't gonna be drinking no more. I'm cool." And that was five months ago, by the way.

Jay Shetty 58:16 Congratulations. Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 58:17 Not six months, but we can roll with six.

Jay Shetty 58:19 Oh. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 58:19 Fuck it. It'll be six months. It'll be six years.

Jay Shetty 58:22 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 58:22 It'll be probably 16 years from now, like, and I'll have, like, a big old mocktail company and... [laughs]

Jay Shetty 58:29 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 58:30 I found this non-alcoholic rosé that is bomb.

Jay Shetty 58:34 Okay. What is it?

Tiffany Haddish 58:34 It's bomb. I can't even tell you the name-

Jay Shetty 58:36 Okay. Okay

Tiffany Haddish 58:36 ... 'cause I, I don't, I need... They need to pay me.

Jay Shetty 58:38 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 58:40 I done spent so much money on the non-al- ... 'Cause, like, when I g- would go to parties I'd always bring a, bring a, whatever I like to drink to the party.

Jay Shetty 58:47 Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 58:47 I just went to MGK's party, his birthday party, and I brought the, the non-alcoholic rosé. People be like, "Ooh, you drinking. Ooh, you drink... What is that? What you drinking?" I'm like, "Non-alcoholic rosé. You wanna try some?" They're like-

Jay Shetty 58:57 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 58:58 ... "Oh, this is good." I was like, "Yep, and my body's not gonna hurt tomorrow. Yours will."

Jay Shetty 59:02 Nice. Nice. Nice, nice, nice.

Tiffany Haddish 59:03 It was, like, so good.

Jay Shetty 59:04 Oh, my God. Well, drop the name here. They're gonna come find you. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 59:07 Mm-mm. I don't know. I don't know.

Jay Shetty 59:08 Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 59:08 I don't... I feel like they won't.

Jay Shetty 59:09 They won't? [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 59:11 I feel like they won't.

Jay Shetty 59:12 They won't?

Tiffany Haddish 59:12 I feel like they gotta come find it. They know. They, they-

Jay Shetty 59:15 They know

Tiffany Haddish 59:15 ... they in Whole Foods.

Jay Shetty 59:16 Okay. They're in Whole Foods. All right.

Tiffany Haddish 59:18 That's all I'll say.

Jay Shetty 59:18 You're dropping the little clues, the little breadcrumbs.

Tiffany Haddish 59:19 Yeah, they in Whole Foods and it's a rosé.

Jay Shetty 59:21 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 59:22 And it's a animal on the cover.

Jay Shetty 59:24 [laughs] I love it. All the hints are dropped.

Tiffany Haddish 59:28 No, the hints are dropped. I also like this non-alcoholic vodka too, even though it's... I just imagine that it's rubbing alcohol, though.

Jay Shetty 59:35 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 59:35 Uh, that's what it kinda tastes like, but it don't, it doesn't get you-

Jay Shetty 59:37 Tastes like what?

Tiffany Haddish 59:38 Rubbing alcohol.

Jay Shetty 59:39 Oh, okay. Okay, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 59:39 It taste like, like alcohol. Al-

Jay Shetty 59:40 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 59:40 ... it's alcohol.

Jay Shetty 59:42 It is alcohol, but-

Tiffany Haddish 59:43 It's not alcohol

Jay Shetty 59:43 ... it's not alcohol. Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 59:44 It's non-alcoholic, but-

Jay Shetty 59:45 But it tastes... But that's good, though. No? It tastes exactly how you want it to taste.

Tiffany Haddish 59:48 Blech.

Jay Shetty 59:48 Oh, you don't like? Okay. All right.

Tiffany Haddish 59:50 Yeah. I never... Look, I never really liked the taste of vodka, but, uh, you know, you put a little flavor, a little sugar in there.

Jay Shetty 59:55 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 59:55 Like drop a Jolly Rancher in there. You know what I'm saying? Or put some lemons, make it alkaline. That's what I would tell myself.

Jay Shetty 1:00:01 Got it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:01 But it takes the pain away. It would take the pain away for me.

Jay Shetty 1:00:04 And now, and now it, now you don't use that to take the pain away, so.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:08 Mm-mm. So you just sit in the pain, which you got to process it. [sighs]

Jay Shetty 1:00:16 With your father-

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:17 [sighs]

Jay Shetty 1:00:18 ... I felt like ultimately his guilt and shame kind of made you feel like you lost him again. Because that was so heavy for him that he kind of distanced himself, right?

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:29 Yeah, he distanced himself from me.

Jay Shetty 1:00:30 Be-

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:31 I think he knew he was sick, and that he didn't want me to see him like that.

Jay Shetty 1:00:34 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:35 And he didn't want to have to depend on me.

Jay Shetty 1:00:37 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:38 'Cause he knew I would take care of him.

Jay Shetty 1:00:39 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:40 Like, he knew I would.

Jay Shetty 1:00:41 And he never wanted mon- He never, like, you talk about how, like, he didn't want money from you.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:44 Mm-mm.

Jay Shetty 1:00:44 He didn't wanna be a part of your fame. It wasn't-

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:46 Mm-mm

Jay Shetty 1:00:46 ... it wasn't that.

Tiffany Haddish 1:00:47 Nah, and I would still, like, happily pay the light bill, send groceries to his house, and so he'd be like, "Don't do that. I got..." Like, he wanted to take care of me, but he wasn't capable of taking care of me, and he was sick, and I think he didn't want me to know that or have anything to do, like, I think he felt like this was his punishment or whatever for whatever.

Jay Shetty 1:01:09 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 1:01:10 But he left, like, a whole, like, memorandum, like, what I need to do, how I need to do it, and I did it all. Like, I'm obedient.

Jay Shetty 1:01:17 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:01:17 When it come to my parents. At least I try to be. I definitely am obedient.

Jay Shetty 1:01:22 Did you end up organizing the funeral and attending or...?

Tiffany Haddish 1:01:24 Like, he didn't want no funeral.

Jay Shetty 1:01:26 Oh, wow. Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 1:01:26 But, um, he didn't want that. He, he didn't want me spending any money on him, 'cause he felt like he didn't spend nothing on me. But I did... But he did want to be buried with his mother. So I, um... And it's against the tradition to cremate. He did not... Like, he's like, "They're gonna be mad at you, but, you know, I don't want you spending all that money to take me back. Like, cr- go ahead and cremate me, take me, and put me with my mom." And I told him, "Well, if I cremate you, I'm gonna put half of you with your mama and half of you in my garden."

Jay Shetty 1:01:54 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:01:54 "'Cause you never really fed me anyway, so [laughs] you have to grow me some food." [laughs] And I did that. And then I just, I just read this thing, like, last year, that if you have a cemetery in your backyard, your property tax-free. If you got-

Jay Shetty 1:02:08 Really?

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:08 ... family members, like, buried in your backyard. I was like, "Hmm, I wonder if ashes count."

Jay Shetty 1:02:12 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:12 'Cause I need... 'Cause this property tax is killing me.

Jay Shetty 1:02:15 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:15 I'm like-

Jay Shetty 1:02:16 How do you come across all this interesting information? Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:17 ... I'm a- always digging for information, especially when it comes to my money and my health.

Jay Shetty 1:02:22 Hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:22 Like, so yeah, I was just looking for tax breaks. Also, I saw that, you know, Trump buried, you know, his peoples in, on a golf course, and then-

Jay Shetty 1:02:30 Oh

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:30 ... now they don't have to pay no tax over there.

Jay Shetty 1:02:33 I think I did see that, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:34 Yeah, so I was like, "Oh, what can I do here in South Central LA?" I'm like, "Babe, my daddy's over here near the collard greens. He by the chili peppers and the mints." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:02:47 Let us know if that goes through. Let us know if you figure it out if-

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:50 They told me no. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:02:51 Oh.

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:51 I already, I already-

Jay Shetty 1:02:52 They already, you already asked

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:52 ... I already went to the city and tried it.

Jay Shetty 1:02:54 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:02:54 I was like, "Really, my father is in the backyard." They, they was like, "No. You need to exhume the body." I was like, "Well, it's ashes. I can't really-"

Jay Shetty 1:03:01 Oh.

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:01 "I'm sure the plants done ate him up two years ago. That, that was back in 2017, you know, so I'm pretty sure he's gone."

Jay Shetty 1:03:08 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:08 Gone, gone. But...

Jay Shetty 1:03:09 Yeah. You were talking about taking care of your money and your health. You were saying there was one point in time where you had, like, a billboard up for your show, but then you still had, like, a, you know, like a Obama phone, I think you called it. Like-

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:23 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:03:23 ... this idea of, like, you've always tried to figure that out. Even now, like, at one point, you lived homeless when you were growing up in your teens, and, like, living in a car,

Jay Shetty 1:03:33 but now you still live in the area you grew up in.

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:36 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:03:36 And, and that's to inspire others to see what's possible and see that you can still move. 'Cause usually people make it, and then they leave.

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:45 Right.

Jay Shetty 1:03:46 But you, you really felt that that was important.

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:47 Yeah, I felt that it's important to stay. Um, also I like it over there. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:03:52 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:03:52 I feel safe over there. And I wanna be where I'm wanted. You know, uh, I don't wanna be where I'm tolerated. I wanna be where I'm wanted. So it's staying in the hood, I just feel like I'm a great example to these other kids. Like, look, Tiffany couldn't read that good. Tiffany couldn't read at all for a minute. Tiffany couldn't this, Tiffany couldn't that, and look where she at. She on a billboard right on the corner-

Jay Shetty 1:04:13 Mm

Tiffany Haddish 1:04:13 ... in front of the house. She own that house right there, and, like, three other houses on this street. She also doing this, she doing that. Like, she doing stuff in the community. Like, I'm a firm believer of, like, oh, if my community is, like, messed up, I don't have to leave my community. I can stay right here, and I can make it better.

Jay Shetty 1:04:30 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:04:31 Now, if, if I was, like, if I was the gang member, maybe it'd be more difficult, but maybe I could be influencing the other people in the gang to, like, "Okay, we gonna do this now. This is what the gang's gonna do now. This is what we doing now, now. Now, you the manager, you the security, you the this. Like, you gotta buy a house now."

Jay Shetty 1:04:47 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:04:47 "You have to buy a house now." It's so- It's funny once somebody buys a house, how their, like, perspective changes on what type of activities they participate in.

Jay Shetty 1:04:54 Oh, interesting.

Tiffany Haddish 1:04:55 Yeah, like, that's what I've noticed anyways from, like, my hood friends, like, people in the community. Like, what... They were all about fighting, all about this, all about... But as soon as they bought a house, they like, "Oh, no, I can't be doing all that. I gotta cut my grass. I gotta this, I gotta do this. I need to make my mortgage. I need to do that. Like, I gotta go to work. I gotta do this." Like, it kinda changes the activity that you participate in. Like, you might still be a thug and still be a gangster, but, uh, I gotta go get my money. Uh, I don't have time to be fighting you.

Jay Shetty 1:05:22 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:05:22 I don't have time to be, like, potentially killing you and losing my house, even though the, the house could help me post bail. Like, [laughs] just-

Jay Shetty 1:05:28 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:05:28 Also never... I always be telling them, like, "I can't imagine you saying, 'This my block. This my block,' but you on Section 8. You don't own nothing on this block."

Jay Shetty 1:05:35 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:05:36 "Like, you own nothing on this block, but this is your block? No, this block belongs to the Herreras, the Zazinskis, the go- Like, this block belongs to everybody that owns land over here. You don't own nothing. You actually paying $12 a month-"

Jay Shetty 1:05:50 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:05:50 "... in rent, and selling dope."

Jay Shetty 1:05:52 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:05:53 "Like, you a rental storefront. Like, you, you're not... You don't own nothing over here. Who in your crew owns something?"

Jay Shetty 1:06:00 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:00 Like, to me, them, that's more like, "Okay, this our block."

Jay Shetty 1:06:03 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:03 Like, do your, your granny pass... Your granny don't even... You sold... Like, y'all sold it and still rent. Like, you don't... Nobody owns anything on this block.

Jay Shetty 1:06:11 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:12 But you saying it's your block. It ain't your block, bruh. You, you can't even inherit anything over here.

Jay Shetty 1:06:18 What did they say when you said that?

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:18 So you look like an idiot. You protecting all their stuff, and you not even really protecting it. You're running it into the ground. Like, how you expect anybody to really respect you?

Jay Shetty 1:06:27 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:27 You don't even own anything. Like, what, you own this old-ass Oldsmobile with them rims? You own the rims? No, you renting those rims. You don't even own the rims. Like-

Jay Shetty 1:06:36 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:36 ... yeah, life is temporary, but you got four kids. They need to have something to inherit. What are they gonna inherit from you, those rims?

Jay Shetty 1:06:43 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:44 You could do better, bruh. Do better.

Jay Shetty 1:06:47 Do, do you see people... Do you feel that you see things changing and people changing and that-

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:52 Yeah, the change-

Jay Shetty 1:06:52 ... y- slow, even if it's slow and patient?

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:54 Yeah, it's slow- slowly changing, but also the demographic is changing-

Jay Shetty 1:06:57 Mm

Tiffany Haddish 1:06:57 ... too. So, like, but they thought they was gonna be in that Section 8 for I don't know how long they thought they was gonna be in it. Now the landlord's like, "Oh, no, I don't no longer want it to be Section 8, so you're gonna have to pay the $4,000 a month for rent, or you're gonna have to move."

Jay Shetty 1:07:10 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:07:10 And now they in a Section 8 out in Lancaster, Palmdale, Hemet, so now I barely even see them anymore if at all.

Jay Shetty 1:07:16 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:07:16 You know? And they, and they like, "Hey, I got, I bought the house. I bought..." Like, people buying they stuff. They're like, "I had to go way out of the, out of L- LA to buy it, but I own something now. Like, and it, this is going better for me. This is going better for me." So the, I see changes in, like, the people that I grew up with, and I'm really happy for them.

Jay Shetty 1:07:33 Yeah. That's beautiful.

Tiffany Haddish 1:07:34 Really happy for them.

Jay Shetty 1:07:35 I mean, I mean, it's incredible that you've been able to, you know, make home in the community, and, and you talk about it as your community. It's a place where you feel safe, you feel comfortable, you feel-

Tiffany Haddish 1:07:43 Yeah, and then we be looking out for each other. And the Asian lady across the street be like, "I saw the man in the car with the camera. I called the police." Like, [laughs] "Thank you."

Jay Shetty 1:07:51 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:07:51 The, the dude next door, he's a retired police officer. He be shooing people off and stuff.

Jay Shetty 1:07:55 That's amazing.

Tiffany Haddish 1:07:56 Like, and everybody's, "You should be behind a gate. You should be behind a gate." I'm like, "But behind this door is guns."

Jay Shetty 1:08:01 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:08:02 Like, they don't want no, n- no one there smoke. Like, don't come up in here. And m- and, and I might make you clean my room up, so.

Jay Shetty 1:08:07 [laughs] It's amazing.

Tiffany Haddish 1:08:10 Good luck finding anything of any value in there.

Jay Shetty 1:08:13 It's amazing. Tiffany, you've had

Jay Shetty 1:08:15 such a, you know, genuinely... We, we've been talking about your personal life so much. You've had such an amazing professional journey as well. When you're talking about your imagination and even your solutions for wanting a basketball player to hold you and make you feel like a baby or, you know, y- just the way your imagination works to solve things, like, what is your imagination saying about creative, artistic, expressive projects? Like, where do you... Not what's next, because I don't, I don't find that question interesting, but in the sense of, like, where do you let your imagination run free, and how do, how do you allow it to do that so that you can explore this amazing world you have inside your head?

Tiffany Haddish 1:08:55 [laughs] Yes, Tiffany Land.

Jay Shetty 1:08:57 Yeah. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:08:57 Um, [laughs] I wish, I wish it could be an amusement park.

Jay Shetty 1:09:00 Black Unicorn Island.

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:01 Yeah, Black Unicorn Island.

Jay Shetty 1:09:02 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:03 Yes. Okay, that's the next book.

Jay Shetty 1:09:04 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:04 Okay, so... Well, it's been running. So, like, with music, I love creating music. Like I said, I like singing to the bees. I like singing. I've been, uh, preparing, like, I got a band.

Jay Shetty 1:09:14 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:14 And so, uh, I've always been kinda in love with, like, the '40s, the '30s, the '20s, you know, that jazzy era, the '50s, and singing in a, like a supper club and doing that. So I just performed at Verbrato-

Jay Shetty 1:09:28 Oh, wow

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:28 ... last month, and it was, like, super dope. It was so much fun. No, that was this month, actually. It was super fun, and, like, I had this, like, classic dress on and singing these songs. Now, I'm not the best singer, but you know what? If Bob Dylan can make a career out of it-

Jay Shetty 1:09:44 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:45 ... I could, too. That's how I feel about it. Like, you know, it's not about how well you sing. It's about how entertaining you are. Like, how do you make it-

Jay Shetty 1:09:52 How do people feel?

Tiffany Haddish 1:09:52 How do you make them feel? It's all about how you... It... That's what entertainment is, is like, well, you contain these people, and you make them feel a certain type of way, and is it a feeling that they wanna walk away and say, "Hey, I want other people to feel that, too. That was kinda great. That was amazing," or, "That was an experience," right?

Jay Shetty 1:10:08 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:10:08 So, like, I'm very, like, about that. So I'm singing, like, old songs from the '30s and the '20s and '40s and '50s and then some of my original songs that I've made. And I've been working with, like, Diane Warren, writing some really dope songs to, like, empower women, empower people anyways, and then, like, a really cool breakup song. It's, like, my favorite. "I want you, but I want you gone."

Jay Shetty 1:10:31 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:10:32 "I need you, but I need you out of my life." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:10:35 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:10:36 I fucking love it. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:10:37 That's so good.

Tiffany Haddish 1:10:38 And then, then, uh, and then, like, all the movies I wanna make, right? So, like, uh, somebody was asking, it's like, "You say you wanna make 80 movies by the time you're 50. You got a long way to go." And I'm like, "I didn't say I wanna be in all those movies."

Jay Shetty 1:10:50 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:10:50 "I want to create a, a opportunity for other people to tell their stories, and I'm just producing on it. I'm being a part of the creation process."

Jay Shetty 1:10:58 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:10:58 Like, we still haven't shot the Flo Jo movie. Gotta get that script right. Like, and I could just imagine how dope that's gonna be, the nails, the hair, me running all fast, my body like ba-da-da-da.

Jay Shetty 1:11:07 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:11:07 You know, and hey, if I'm too old, okay, I'm too old. Give someone else the opportunity, or AI is coming in real good. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:11:16 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:11:16 But, um, tell that love story between her and her husband. Uh, and, and then, ah, I wanna do... I want to see the Etta James story.

Jay Shetty 1:11:28 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:11:29 I wanna see that. Like, 'cause she grew up in foster care like me. She been through the wringer, had to perform as a kid, and all the different homes she was in. Like, I wanna see that story. Also, I wanna do some kind of, like, a documentary or something about, like, all these successful women. I have never met one successful woman that has not been through shit.

Jay Shetty 1:11:51 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:11:51 Like, any woman that I have ever met or heard of that's successful has, like, been beat up in some kinda way, physically, emotionally, mentally, something. Been beat up some kinda way and bounced back and, like, stood strong, 10 toes down, "I'ma make this happen," and it happens, right? Um, and I wanna do something about that 'cause I, I think right now too, like, there's so many young girls that, like, that I've talked to that seem to feel hopeless.

Jay Shetty 1:12:18 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:12:18 Feel like, you know, "What's the point?" Like, "No, like, nobody cares about me." And it's like, there are people that care about you. You just can't see them right now.

Jay Shetty 1:12:28 Right.

Tiffany Haddish 1:12:28 You haven't met them yet, or you have met them, and you just don't know how to identify what care is. So something about that. Uh, I wanted to do Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2.

Jay Shetty 1:12:38 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:12:39 I feel like, oh, that would be so good. And I wanna be the detective and Jessica Rabbit. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:12:45 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:12:46 Maybe I'll be Rebecca Rabbit, Jessica's sister, who marries Roger's brother. I don't know.

Jay Shetty 1:12:51 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:12:51 Uh, but, like, I wanna see that.

Jay Shetty 1:12:54 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:12:54 'Cause that was a really good movie that was based off of some true stuff that happened in Los Angeles. That's why we have freeways now.

Jay Shetty 1:13:00 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:01 Because of that, that judge that was in that movie, that's a real judge. So I would love to, like, do something with that. I have so many ideas though.

Jay Shetty 1:13:08 I love it. I love it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:09 Animation.

Jay Shetty 1:13:10 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:11 Uh, I wanna open this grocery store. I could see it in my mind's eye. It's like I'm shopping in it every day. I know that's gonna happen. And, uh, create some, like, really awesome human beings. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:13:22 I love how there's no limits-

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:24 There is no limit

Jay Shetty 1:13:24 ... to creativity, and I think we, I think we're now living in a time in the world where people can be multi-hyphenates. And what you just said, it's ... I think a lot of the time we've been like, "Oh, you have to be talented, you have to be this," and what we realize, it's who can make people feel something in any sort of way, and we resonate with that. We all connect with it, and I think if anyone who's listening and watching and wants to do something thinks, "Oh, I wish I started 10 years ago. I wish I started when I was younger. Oh, I didn't get that. You know, I didn't have parents who were supporting it," it's almost like it doesn't matter. Like-

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:52 It doesn't matter

Jay Shetty 1:13:53 ... we're living at a time-

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:53 The KFC dude started at what, 65, 70 years old?

Jay Shetty 1:13:56 I think so, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:57 He was old. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:13:58 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:13:59 And that thing is all over the world.

Jay Shetty 1:14:00 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:00 KFC's all over the world. Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Jay Shetty 1:14:03 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:03 Every single country.

Jay Shetty 1:14:05 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:05 Like, it's-

Jay Shetty 1:14:05 And they had enough competition too, like McDonald's and Wendy's and whatever else.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:09 Wendy. Competition. It's all over the world. Now, he might not have lived long enough to see it be all over the world, but, hey.

Jay Shetty 1:14:14 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:14 He started something. He's a visionary. And I feel like that's, that's what I am at the end of the day. I'm a visionary, and I'm an administrator of joy.

Jay Shetty 1:14:22 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:22 That's all I am, and some people hate that. And that's okay. That's 'cause you don't know how to process joy. You don't... You got a lot of hurt in your heart.

Jay Shetty 1:14:30 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:30 Got a lot of hurt, and you need to figure out how to process that. And if you want to learn, I'm down to show you a little bit. I can't... You know, I'm still processing my hurt, but if you get this book, it might-

Jay Shetty 1:14:39 I Curse You with Joy.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:40 I Curse You with Joy. It might help you some. It might help you some.

Jay Shetty 1:14:42 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:42 And maybe your breath won't stink so bad.

Jay Shetty 1:14:44 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:44 I think people with a lot of hate in their heart got bad breath.

Jay Shetty 1:14:47 Oh, that's an interesting hypothesis. Wow, that's, that's interesting. I'm gonna start testing that out.

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:52 Yeah, just, just-

Jay Shetty 1:14:52 Might have to get too close

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:53 ... do my research. It's just-

Jay Shetty 1:14:54 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:14:55 I mean, I, I don't... It's funny, like people that talk really poorly and negative about other people, they breath usually stank.

Jay Shetty 1:15:02 That's fascinating. I'm gonna remember that.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:03 If you think about it, I mean, do you ever sit around people that just talk negative all the time?

Jay Shetty 1:15:07 I don't usually, so-

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:08 You don't.

Jay Shetty 1:15:08 Yeah, so I don't notice. Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:08 But, like, you could be at a party or something, and they just like, "And did you know the bitch did this?"

Jay Shetty 1:15:12 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:12 And you be like, "Breath is horrible."

Jay Shetty 1:15:15 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:16 They are dying on the inside. Or you ever been in a car with somebody and they don't stop talking, and the whole car smell like they breath?

Jay Shetty 1:15:23 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:23 It's just atrocious.

Jay Shetty 1:15:24 I've been in-

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:25 And then every- and when you start to realize everything they saying is negative. It's not even anything positive.

Jay Shetty 1:15:30 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:31 It's a lot of hate in their heart.

Jay Shetty 1:15:32 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:32 Or they, they need a dentist.

Jay Shetty 1:15:33 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:34 'Cause that tooth is dead. There's, that, that tooth is hating, hating the rest of their body.

Jay Shetty 1:15:39 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:39 And they could end up having a heart attack from that. Did you know most heart attacks come from bad teeth?

Jay Shetty 1:15:44 I did not. That's not... Is that true? No, that's not true.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:46 I think so.

Jay Shetty 1:15:46 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:48 That's what I think so, 'cause your heart-

Jay Shetty 1:15:49 Now I start believing all your research.

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:50 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:15:51 If you start making claims, Tiffany, I'm like-

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:52 I mean, I mean, the dent- the Dentist Association loves me for this.

Jay Shetty 1:15:54 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:15:54 But just think about this. Just think about this. Think about this. Every person that you know that's had a heart attack, okay? Did, was they teeth nice?

Jay Shetty 1:16:02 [laughs] I'd have to look into it. I'd have to look into it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:16:07 Think about it.

Jay Shetty 1:16:08 [laughs] Tiffany-

Tiffany Haddish 1:16:09 Bad teeth, bad heart.

Jay Shetty 1:16:11 [laughs] Tiffany,

Jay Shetty 1:16:13 tell me what little Tiffany-

Tiffany Haddish 1:16:16 Little T?

Jay Shetty 1:16:16 ... look, if Little T looked to you now, what would she be proud of?

Tiffany Haddish 1:16:21 Little T would be proud that we own so many homes. Little T would be proud that we housing so many foster kids. Little T would be proud that we lived out our dreams of being, like, on Arsenio Hall Show, and although we didn't get pregnant by Arsenio or anything-

Jay Shetty 1:16:39 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:16:39 ... still happy that that's a friend that we could call on for advice. Little T would be really happy... Oh, Little T would be so happy about, um, the car that we have now, even though it's a hoopty right now 'cause somebody hit my other car. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:16:54 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:16:54 Little T is happy that I got that car 'cause it can, it's like a Transformer when the hood go down, even though it's old and raggedy. She loves that car. Little T would be super happy about the fact that we have enough money that we never have to be hungry again. Never hungry and never homeless again. Never, no matter what. Make, Little T would be happy that we made enough friends that if something was to happen, we would be okay. It would be okay that we wouldn't, we might not have our own home, but we would have a place to stay. And, uh, Little T would be very proud that we didn't go to prison. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:17:29 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:17:30 But Little T is confident that if we went to prison, we would be, like-

Jay Shetty 1:17:32 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:17:33 ... doing just fine in there. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:17:36 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:17:37 'Cause we was definitely thinking of ways to, that could have ended us up in prison.

Jay Shetty 1:17:41 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:17:41 Thinking of some really crazy stuff. And, um, and she would be proud that, that like, that we can give jobs.

Jay Shetty 1:17:49 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:17:49 That, like, I'm a capable of creating jobs, and that every time I say yes to a job, that's 2 or 300 people that get to work immediately.

Jay Shetty 1:17:56 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:17:56 And thousands that get to work once it comes out. You know? And Little T would be like even ... She would be disappointed that, you know, we got a DUI, but even more proud that if you Google Black women with a DUI, only I pop up.

Jay Shetty 1:18:12 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:14 And Glorilla.

Jay Shetty 1:18:15 [laughs] What would Little T-

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:18 And, and Josephine Baker. At first-

Jay Shetty 1:18:20 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:20 ... before Glorilla got hers, [laughs] it was just me and Josephine Baker.

Jay Shetty 1:18:25 Wow.

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:25 Like, G- Google famous Black women with a DUI, see what come up.

Jay Shetty 1:18:29 Wow. What,

Jay Shetty 1:18:31 what would Little T look at you now and feel like?

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:35 She'd be like, "You are international. We international."

Jay Shetty 1:18:39 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:39 "They talked about it on the Korean news. The news in Africa. It's international." You are world famous.

Jay Shetty 1:18:49 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:18:50 She would be so proud. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:18:51 What would she wish that you did... What would she wish, if there was anything, that she's like, "I wish we could get back to that. I wish we could do more of that. I wish, I wish there was... I w- I, I wish we still did that." There's something that was-

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:04 Gymnastics.

Jay Shetty 1:19:05 Cool.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:06 And rhythmic dance.

Jay Shetty 1:19:08 Cool.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:08 She, she wishes that I will... I know she does wish we coulda went to the Olympics and been a rhythmic dancer.

Jay Shetty 1:19:16 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:16 And stuck to that.

Jay Shetty 1:19:17 Still possible.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:18 She's disappointed in me that my splits are not all the way to the ground anymore. She's-

Jay Shetty 1:19:22 They used to be?

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:23 They used to be to the ground. I used to be coochie to the floor. Not no more.

Jay Shetty 1:19:27 Not no more.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:27 Not no more. She's very disappointed in me.

Jay Shetty 1:19:28 Still possible though.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:29 It's possible. It's possible.

Jay Shetty 1:19:31 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:31 With proper training-

Jay Shetty 1:19:32 Still possible

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:32 ... and discipline, this can be done.

Jay Shetty 1:19:35 It can be done.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:35 But she is disappointed also that we didn't become hula dancers.

Jay Shetty 1:19:39 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:40 I'm supposed to be a hula dancer. She disappointed in that too. But other than that, I mean, that's possible. I took, I took a few classes. I know how to work them hips. I'm just not a professional hula dancer.

Jay Shetty 1:19:50 Right.

Tiffany Haddish 1:19:50 Just not a pro- but we could create a movie where I end up being a hula dancer. Everything is possible. Also, she's a little disappointed that we not working in a Snicker factory or know how to make pantyhose from scratch.

Jay Shetty 1:20:00 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:01 I'm supposed to know how to make pantyhose by now, but I don't.

Jay Shetty 1:20:04 I love it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:04 But I could sew some, but I don't know how to, like, you know, weave them and fix a run.

Jay Shetty 1:20:10 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:10 I'm supposed to know how to fix a run in a stocking. I know how to put the nail polish on there and stop the run.

Jay Shetty 1:20:14 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:15 Hit it with the hairspray, stop the run, but I'm supposed to know how to weave nylon and, um, stop it.

Jay Shetty 1:20:22 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:22 That's what I'm supposed to know how to do. It's not too late to learn.

Jay Shetty 1:20:24 It's not too late.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:25 I keep telling Little T, "It ain't too late."

Jay Shetty 1:20:26 It's not too late.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:27 We never know. But she is proud that I did make my own beef jerky, even though we supposed to work f- in a beef jerky factory. But I know, I know how to make beef jerky. So.

Jay Shetty 1:20:35 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:35 She's, she proud of that. We got a food dehydrator.

Jay Shetty 1:20:37 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:40 And I talk about we as in me and Little T. Uh.

Jay Shetty 1:20:43 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:43 'Cause she still alive.

Jay Shetty 1:20:44 Of course. Of course.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:45 And she still be talking mess. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:20:48 [laughs] I love it. Tiffany, you are so-

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:49 But is it? But who's up on the, uh... Did you Google it?

Jay Shetty 1:20:51 It's, it is only you. You are the only person [laughs] that comes up.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:55 Legendary.

Jay Shetty 1:20:56 Did you hear that? We just checked it, verified.

Tiffany Haddish 1:20:58 I'm just saying that some people be like, "That's you. You should be ashamed of that," but I know a lot of other famous Black women who have DUIs, but nobody knows.

Jay Shetty 1:21:06 Oh, interesting.

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:07 'Cause nobody cares.

Jay Shetty 1:21:08 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:10 They care about me.

Jay Shetty 1:21:11 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:12 That's how I look at it. Now, that might be a horrible thing. It might be horrible, it might be horrible for me to think that way, but I did my community service, and I'm helping out in all these different places, and I've made new friends because of it, and I might be going on dinner dates with this police now because of it.

Jay Shetty 1:21:27 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:31 Everything happens for a reason.

Jay Shetty 1:21:32 Keep us updated on that.

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:33 Everything happens for a reason.

Jay Shetty 1:21:35 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:35 Every... If I get married in Beverly Hills, you know why.

Jay Shetty 1:21:38 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:21:38 Everything happens for a reason. But that allowed me to know that, uh, like, Little T is like, "Yo, it's a lot of people that care about us." 'Cause if didn't nobody care about you, nobody would write about it. They wouldn't make videos about it. They wouldn't be like, "Oh, God, she's having a breakdown," whatever. Like, they wouldn't be talking about it. Like, I'm, I'm like, I'm white girl famous. They talking about it in Africa, all over Africa. They talking about it in Asia. I ain't even know I was popping like that in Asia. Like, in, in Korean news? These studios can now s- not say, "She's not international."

Jay Shetty 1:22:19 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:22:20 You can't say that.

Jay Shetty 1:22:20 This is the proof.

Tiffany Haddish 1:22:21 You... This is the proof. International. BBC talked about it. CNN. A DUI, and I blew a .03? I was sleep. Pulled over. Now, maybe I was parked wrong. It should've been a bad parking ticket. That's what it should've been. But you know what? It is what it is. Some things need to happen for... Can't no studio say she, "She's not international." That proves it right there.

Jay Shetty 1:22:48 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:22:50 Right there. It might not be the best way to prove it, but goddammit, that proves it. People care.

Jay Shetty 1:22:54 Oh, no. Tiffany, you are a treat and a joy to spend time with. I don't think I've ever laughed this much on the show. [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:01 You wasn't even laughing. You was just giggling.

Jay Shetty 1:23:02 I was, I was, I was laughing.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:04 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:23:04 I was laughing. Honestly, I'm so, so happy that you put this book together. I'm so grateful that I got to hang out with you and do this with you.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:11 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:23:12 We've been talking for nearly two hours.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:13 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:23:14 Uh, and it's flown by. We end every episode with on pu- of On Purpose with a Fast Five, a Final Five. Every

Jay Shetty 1:23:20 question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:23 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:23:24 So-

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:24 Good luck

Jay Shetty 1:23:24 ... Tiffany Haddish, these are your, these are your Final Five.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:27 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:23:27 No, these are rules, Tiffany.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:28 Okay, these are rules. Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:23:29 We have to follow rules.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:30 You hear that, Little T?

Jay Shetty 1:23:31 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:31 You hear that?

Jay Shetty 1:23:31 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:32 You hear that?

Jay Shetty 1:23:33 So question one.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:34 Gotta follow rules. Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:23:34 Tiffany, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:39 Don't let nobody in your house that don't have nothing to lose.

Jay Shetty 1:23:42 I like that. I would never had that. Love that. Uh, question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:47 [laughs] I'm just thinking of stupid stuff I've-

Jay Shetty 1:23:53 Say it

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:54 ... stupid stuff I've heard men say to me that I've known is not true.

Jay Shetty 1:23:56 Say it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:23:56 [laughs] No, 'cause that's a statement. That's not necessarily advice.

Jay Shetty 1:24:02 That makes sense though. Go on and say it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:04 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:24:04 It's cool. It's cool. If it's coming to your mind, I wanna hear it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:06 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:24:06 The look on your face means we have to hear it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:11 Girl, I don't gotta put no condom on. You know I love you.

Jay Shetty 1:24:13 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:14 That do not mean a man love you. It do not mean he love you.

Jay Shetty 1:24:18 That's brilliant.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:20 That is not love.

Jay Shetty 1:24:22 That's brilliant.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:24 That is not love. Every woman out there, just 'cause he don't wanna put a condom on does not mean he love you. He is just trying to get wet. Spit on it.

Jay Shetty 1:24:34 I'm glad you shared that. Uh, question number-

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:36 [laughs] Sorry.

Jay Shetty 1:24:39 I'm glad you shared it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:40 That's the worst.

Jay Shetty 1:24:40 It's the honest truth.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:41 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:24:42 Uh, question number three, what is your most repeated thought on a daily basis?

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:49 Clean your room. Clean your room.

Jay Shetty 1:24:51 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:51 Clean your room. Clean your room. I gotta clean my room. I'ma make some time to clean this room.

Jay Shetty 1:24:55 I love that.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:55 I'ma clean my room.

Jay Shetty 1:24:56 That's good.

Tiffany Haddish 1:24:56 Okay, you can't keep working on that one project. Clean the room.

Jay Shetty 1:24:59 That's great. Uh, question number four, what's something that you used to value that you don't value anymore?

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:06 Mm. Something that I used to value that I don't value anymore. Saving checks. I used to save checks.

Jay Shetty 1:25:17 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:17 Like checks that people would write me.

Jay Shetty 1:25:18 Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:18 I put them in a photo album.

Jay Shetty 1:25:20 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:21 I don't do that no more.

Jay Shetty 1:25:22 Because? Too many checks.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:24 There's direct deposit. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:25:25 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:26 But, but yeah. Uh, but if someone hands me a check today, I will take a picture of it.

Jay Shetty 1:25:32 Yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:33 But I don't put it in a photo album anymore. It's in a folder, though, in my phone.

Jay Shetty 1:25:36 Cool.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:36 But-

Jay Shetty 1:25:36 That's beautiful

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:37 ... but I used, like-

Jay Shetty 1:25:39 Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:39 ... 'cause I thought it was so awesome if somebody would hand write me a check.

Jay Shetty 1:25:42 Tell me.

Tiffany Haddish 1:25:43 They sign it. Even if it's a company, they send, they mailed it to me, and it's money. And then w- when you can take a picture of it and deposit, I s- I have two photo albums full of checks.

Jay Shetty 1:25:53 I love that. Uh, fifth and final question, Tiffany. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:04 Well, you have to hug someone every day.

Jay Shetty 1:26:06 Ooh, I love that one. I love a hug.

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:08 A hug, a hug. Even if you don't like being hugged, you gotta hug. Like if you don't get at least one hug in, you gotta get a hug or make someone else laugh.

Jay Shetty 1:26:16 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:17 Every day. Yeah, that would make the world better.

Jay Shetty 1:26:20 That's a good law.

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:21 A lot of people are angry 'cause they don't get no hugs. Nobody touches them, and they need a hug.

Jay Shetty 1:26:26 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:27 Yeah, but don't be just hu- people be randomly just hugging me. Yesterday I was in the airport. This lady just came up to me crying full tears, and she said, "Just thank you so much. Thank you so much." And I start, and I start crying. I was like, "What, why, we, thank you, what, what's going on?" And she just hugged me. And then I was, like, happy that she hugged me, but then at the same time I was mad 'cause she had all them tears and it was all on my shoulder.

Jay Shetty 1:26:47 You set the law. [laughs] You set the law. She just following the law.

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:51 She was following the law.

Jay Shetty 1:26:52 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:26:52 And I appreciated the hug, but I did not like the tears on my shoulder. But I really wanted to know why she was crying, and I do not know why she was crying. I had to get on the plane. I still don't know exactly why. I, I think she was happy... Either she was happy that I cut all my hair off because all her hair was cut off, or she was happy that I went to Israel, 'cause I did see a Star of David on her. So I'ma go with the s- 'cause I went to Israel.

Jay Shetty 1:27:13 Got it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:14 Even though could be-

Jay Shetty 1:27:14 Was that recently?

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:14 ... 'cause she's bald-headed. Yeah, I went in February for Black History Month, when I went to find all the Black people, and I did.

Jay Shetty 1:27:20 What was that experience like?

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:22 It was amazing. It's just like California, bro. It felt like I was in America, but they speak Hebrew. It's very interesting.

Jay Shetty 1:27:28 Was this your first time?

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:29 First time. First time ever.

Jay Shetty 1:27:31 Was that quite a powerful experience in terms of-

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:34 It was very powerful, 'cause, you know, every religion is there. Everybody's there.

Jay Shetty 1:27:38 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:39 Everybody's there. I know that it-

Jay Shetty 1:27:40 I've been as well, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:41 Yeah, I know that.

Jay Shetty 1:27:41 I went in 2017.

Tiffany Haddish 1:27:42 You went in 2017? And when I went to Jerusalem, um, maybe because there's a war going on, there was barely anybody in Jerusalem like that. So I didn't have to wait in no long lines. I could do all the activities, got to shop freely. Nobody's, like, bumping into me. Nobody's yelling at me. So it was kinda beautiful, 'cause I had been doing my research and seeing like, oh, you might have to wait in line to go in here. You might have to wait in line to go there. Wait for this. I didn't have to wait to go in anything. I went into all the churches. Uh, I, I did not get to go into the mosque, uh, probably 'cause they knew who I was or whatever, and that I'm Jewish, so. I, but I looked. I was like this. I was over here like this. And I'm like-

Jay Shetty 1:28:19 What made you wanna go right now?

Tiffany Haddish 1:28:20 Well, I was supposed to go, like, four years ago.

Jay Shetty 1:28:22 Okay.

Tiffany Haddish 1:28:23 I was supposed to go. Already was planning on going. Already had a ticket, like, trying to go, you know? It's funny 'cause every- people were saying, "They paid you to go there." And I'm like, "That check I would've took a picture of and posted, okay?" Nobody paid me to be anywhere. This was me wanting to... Like, I'm super thirsty for knowledge. I read about these places in the Bible, in the Torah, in the Quran. I read about, like, I went to the Church of Scientology. They talked about Jerusalem. Like, everybody talks about this place. Like, I need to see this. And this is, like, where Jesus was, where this person was, Abraham. Every, all the, all the major players was in that area, so let me go see this.

Jay Shetty 1:29:00 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:29:00 And I went, and it was... I got to go in that tunnel, right? The underground tunnel and that, that, where the mikveh is.

Jay Shetty 1:29:07 Yes, yes.

Tiffany Haddish 1:29:07 And, like, learn about the... That's where baptism came from, from the mikveh and all that stuff, and people getting cleaned up, coming from all the other nations to come visit the, the... And the t- that's the, that's the trail that Jesus walked every year, and then he walked it that one particular year and got assassinated at the top of it, right? And they built a church around where they had, you know, killed him and, uh, around where they say he was buried. And, um, it's something there.

Jay Shetty 1:29:33 Mm-hmm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:29:33 I don't know if it's aliens underneath the rock or if the rock is from Mars, and it got some kinda ener- it's some kinda energetic-

Jay Shetty 1:29:41 That is energetic

Tiffany Haddish 1:29:41 ... like, reboot-

Jay Shetty 1:29:42 That's funny

Tiffany Haddish 1:29:44 ... reset, like, on the soul. I felt like I was surrounded. Like, I feel like I was surrounded by, like, my ancestors. I could feel, like, hear whispers. I was, like, looking around to see, did they put some speakers in here or something? Like, I was hearing, like, like, "Hey, this is what you need to do now. This is what you need..." Like, like, guidance. Like, this is where you go for guidance. I prayed at the wall, put a little few prayers in there. I prayed in the church. I was like, "Eh, I'm pray everywhere. G- if God is here, if God is all throughout this, well then, geez, let me give some of, let me pray everywhere."

Jay Shetty 1:30:15 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:15 You know?

Jay Shetty 1:30:16 Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:16 That's how I felt about it. I feel like, I feel like we all praying to the same person. We just doing it in different ways 'cause we come from different cultures.

Jay Shetty 1:30:23 Mm.

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:23 Because of Babylon. Was it Babylon? Where, where everybody got the different languages and stuff?

Jay Shetty 1:30:28 Not sure.

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:28 Where, where, where in the Bible, where it say, uh, where, uh, everybody was speaking one language at first and then they babble.

Jay Shetty 1:30:34 I'm not sure.

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:34 Babble, when they was building the Tower of Babel in Babylon, right? And then, uh, everybody started babbling.

Jay Shetty 1:30:38 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:39 It was everybody s- speaking different languages, and they started separating into different tribes, different whatever, because they didn't speak the same languages anymore Right? Is that answer that the-

Jay Shetty 1:30:48 I'm not sure of the exact place

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:50 ... come on, you a monk. You supposed to know all these different things.

Jay Shetty 1:30:52 Different tradition. Different tradition. But, uh-

Tiffany Haddish 1:30:54 Okay, so what, so what did the monks say how the different languages come about?

Jay Shetty 1:30:58 We never really talked about that. That wasn't part of the education.

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:01 So you didn't, didn't care about why people speak different languages.

Jay Shetty 1:31:03 No, I did. I care about that, but that wasn't part of our, uh, the-

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:06 I see. But you don't know why people speak different languages. Let's ask our researcher over there. I do know. Researcher, can you tell me? What was the place? 'Cause I'm pretty sure it's Ba- like- What was the place? ... I'm pretty sure it's Babylon or Baby- or Babylon. It's pretty sure, yeah. Where, where, wh-

Jay Shetty 1:31:18 What was the place...

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:19 Where people started sp- when God made people start speaking different languages? 'Cause he was like, "Oh, they keep talking amongst themselves. They doing too much."

Jay Shetty 1:31:27 Got it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:28 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:31:28 I think so.

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:28 Well, he, God caused some confusion. That's like my number one thing I hate is confusion, but my room looks like it's confused, but I know where everything at, but I hate confusion. [laughs] It's called the Tower of Bab- Bab- The, the To- Tower of Babel. Yeah. Yes. You're right.

Jay Shetty 1:31:38 The Tower of Babel. There we go.

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:40 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:31:40 There we go.

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:40 I know my research.

Jay Shetty 1:31:41 I just wanna be sure. I don't-

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:42 I know my research, so.

Jay Shetty 1:31:42 I didn't wanna say anything I didn't know.

Tiffany Haddish 1:31:44 So, so I'm j- I say all that to say I don't know if it's aliens under that rock. I don't know if the rock is from Mars. I don't know if that's actually God is in the rock. I don't know if God is hanging out in the mosque, in a temple. I don't know. I don't know. But what I do know about Jerusalem is it is a p- very powerful place. There's definitely something spiritual going on. It taps into the spirit. I don't know if it's, like, heightened energy where all your chakras open up and you can get, like, messages coming through or whatever. Something's going on there, and it's all the different races and religions are there and all throughout the country. Like, and they're, and they're dealing with a lot of the same crap that we're dealing with amongst themselves. Uh, I was talking to the Black Jews, uh, the, the, there's a very large African American diaspora of, uh, Black Hebrew Jews up in Dimona, and they say Dimona is where the, the nuclear weapons are. Shh. But I think the nuclear weapons is them Black African Americans or the diaspora there. They could... They off the chain. But, but I could be wrong. I don't know. But I was hanging out with a lot of them, and I was learning a lot, and I went to, uh, Masada.

Jay Shetty 1:32:49 Yes. Yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:32:49 And, and that was, like, absolutely gorgeous. I went to the, uh, Dead Sea. Do not pee when you in the Dead Sea. Definitely.

Jay Shetty 1:32:56 Don't have cuts before you go in.

Tiffany Haddish 1:32:57 And don't have cut... They gonna heal. Oh, they gonna heal.

Jay Shetty 1:33:00 They gonna burn.

Tiffany Haddish 1:33:00 And they say, and they say they gonna burn, but it's gonna heal. It's gonna be disinfected. They said, they say that nothing grows in the Dead Sea, but I, I beg to differ 'cause I seen them salt spikes growing on the poles over there. I, I, I think the salt grows. And then, um, uh, and what else? Honey, I got so much to say. Oh, and I went to this other place called Sakhneh, and it's, like, natural springs, and it's, like, the-

Jay Shetty 1:33:22 Wow. Yeah

Tiffany Haddish 1:33:23 ... the whole, like, thing of 300 or whatever, the Spartans of 300 was, like, not too far away from-

Jay Shetty 1:33:28 Oh, wow

Tiffany Haddish 1:33:28 ... where Sakhneh is, and there's these natural springs, and I was all in there, and felt like I was getting younger or something. There was fish coming up, eating the dead skin off my feet. So I was experiencing a lot of the nature and the actual people, and I was, like, talking with the Bedouins and talking with... Like, I talked with everybody. The... And there was Palestinians there too, and I'm talking with them. And I got to go to a kibbutz, and I got to see G- I could see Gaza from there, and it was horrible. It is absolutely horrible. I, I don't know why humans do this to each other, maybe 'cause they don't get enough hugs. I, I don't know why, like... I don't understand how, like, anybody would wanna eradicate any group of people or any kind of... Like, I, that part, I just... I don't know. I don't have that in me. I can't understand it. I don't even wanna make myself understand it. I just would like that to stop. I want peace. Everybody should have peace. Everybody deserves joy, so I curse the world with joy.

Jay Shetty 1:34:29 [laughs] The book is called I Curse You With Joy, Tiffany Haddish. It's available right now. This conversation, I'm sure, has inspired you to go and grab a copy of the book, dive deep into it. You are gonna laugh. You're gonna learn. You're gonna cry. You're gonna feel it all. Uh, Tiffany, thank you for being extraordinary, genuinely. You're extraordinary.

Tiffany Haddish 1:34:51 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:34:51 Uh, I can't think of another word. You're, you're-

Tiffany Haddish 1:34:53 Oh, dang. I thought you said I was extraordinary, and I got really excited because that's, uh, you know, we... I wanna be ordinary, but I know that I'm not. I'm extraordinary.

Jay Shetty 1:35:00 No, your, your-

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:00 You right. You right. You right

Jay Shetty 1:35:01 ... your, your, your presence is infectious. Your energy is magnetic. I mean, it's... Honestly, just being around you is, is joy.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:11 Good.

Jay Shetty 1:35:11 And I wanna thank you for sharing that with us and my On Purpose community today.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:15 Thank you. I got some of that rock in my pocket.

Jay Shetty 1:35:16 I love it. That's what it is.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:17 [laughs] No, no.

Jay Shetty 1:35:18 I love it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:18 I don't have the rock in my pocket. But I did steal some dirt from the, uh, oh, the, from that tunnel and a-

Jay Shetty 1:35:23 That's beautiful

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:24 ... and two, two rocks from there. I wanna become a archeologist. That's gonna be my next thing.

Jay Shetty 1:35:28 There you go.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:29 I think I'm gonna go over there and do archeology for, like, three days.

Jay Shetty 1:35:31 I love it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:32 And go dig out some more stuff.

Jay Shetty 1:35:34 I love it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:34 Maybe open a dress shop in that tunnel. It felt like a mall.

Jay Shetty 1:35:37 Yeah. I know what you mean.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:38 Doesn't it look like...

Jay Shetty 1:35:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:38 That trail looks like a mall?

Jay Shetty 1:35:40 Well, the malls probably copied that. Someone, someone got the idea from there probably. That's, that's how they got it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:46 You right.

Jay Shetty 1:35:47 Yeah. That's how they got it.

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:48 You right.

Jay Shetty 1:35:49 [laughs]

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:49 See? See, Jay, when I hang out with you, I learn stuff too.

Jay Shetty 1:35:52 No, I just... No. No, nothing at all. I, uh-

Tiffany Haddish 1:35:54 I think our intentions were met here today.

Jay Shetty 1:35:57 Without a doubt. And I wanna tell everyone who's listening and watching, make sure you share what you learned from Tiffany. Tag both of us on X, on Instagram, on TikTok. Let us know what stayed with you, what resonated with you, what connected with you. In the YouTube comments, let us know because I love to see what Tiffany shared that's helping you become happier, healthier, and healed. Thanks so much. Thank you, Tiffany.

Tiffany Haddish 1:36:19 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:36:19 You're amazing.

Tiffany Haddish 1:36:21 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:36:21 If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out.

Speaker 1:36:31 My therapist told me, "Stand in the mirror naked for five minutes." It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked. But day three when I did it, I was like, "You know what? Her thighs are cute"