By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

Victoria's Secret Model Taylor Hill Reveals The True Behind-the-Scenes Life Of A VS Angel

Today, let's welcome supermodel, content creator, actor, and philanthropist Taylor Hill.

Taylor HillguestJay Shettyhost

Jun 17, 20242h 25mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

See how

Transcript

140 min read · 28,244 words

0:00 – 1:13
Intro
1. THTaylor Hill
  And I tried out for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I wanted to try out and I wanted to do this, so I went and I auditioned for it. And when I booked it, I was shocked. [upbeat music]
2. JSJay Shetty
  She's made a huge splash in the fashion industry.
3. THTaylor Hill
  Victoria's Secret Angel, Taylor Hill.
4. JSJay Shetty
  Let's talk about the grief of losing a friend.
5. THTaylor Hill
  I'm looking at him and I'm asking him, like, "If you, if you need to go, like, please let me know. Like, I will let you go."
6. JSJay Shetty
  Hey, everyone. I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last 90 days, 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the Subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you and the world. Subscribe right now. The number one health and wellness podcast.
7. THTaylor Hill
  Jay Shetty.
8. SPSpeaker
  Jay Shetty.
9. THTaylor Hill
  The one, the only Jay Shetty.
10. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
1:13 – 6:53
Earliest Childhood Memory
1. JSJay Shetty
  What would you say is your earliest childhood memory that you feel has defined who you are today?
2. THTaylor Hill
  My first memory ever is my, I think it was my third birthday party. I, so I was born in Chicago, and I lived there until I was probably about five years old, and then I moved to Colorado, and that's, like, w- my home and where I am from in my head, 'cause I don't really remember Chicago. But I remember being in our backyard there, and we had this little red house. And it was my birthday party, and all of the kids in our neighborhood were over, and we were having a party, and I had a pink Barbie cake. And I specifically r- remember the candle was Barbie. Like, it was a very intricate candle. And everyone's singing Happy Birthday, and then I'm supposed to blow out the candles, and then my friend, he blew the candles out before I could, and I got so upset.
3. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
4. THTaylor Hill
  And I was very emotional, and I was, like, kind of crying, and I got so mad. And I was like, "Why would you do that? Oh, my gosh," like, "I was supposed to do that." And then my mom's like, "It's okay. We can, you know, we'll light the candle again, and then you can blow out the candle." And I was like, "Well, it's not the same."
5. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
6. THTaylor Hill
  "He took my wish." Like, I was heartbroken. And I think if that says anything about me, it's just that I'm, I'm very emotional. [laughs]
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. THTaylor Hill
  And I, I just, sometimes when people do things that aren't so nice to others, I sometimes don't understand. I'm like, "Why? Why did you do that?" So that's one of my very first, first memories.
9. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
10. THTaylor Hill
  Um, but I think something that kinda de- helped, like, maybe define who I was when, from a child, I would say, um, is sports. Um, I, I was, um, a gymnast from I, from when I was nine. I did ballet from when I was six, and then I grew up snowboarding. And, um, I think for me, being athletic and being active really helped shape who I am because, um, I've been, you know, I've been modeling for 14 years. I was scouted at 14. And I love my job, and I love working, and I, I have such a passion and a drive for it, and I think I have such a drive because of being in sports my whole life.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
12. THTaylor Hill
  And honestly, being a gymnast, not a, not a very good gymnast-
13. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
14. THTaylor Hill
  ... but I loved it. I had so much fun doing it, even though I wasn't... My mom was like, "This girl, I, she's not going to the Olympics." [laughs]
15. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
16. THTaylor Hill
  That was understood. But sh- you know, she encouraged me to do it anyway, and she knew I had fun. And you know, it gives you sort of this sense of structure and, you know, healthy competition is always a little bit nice. And, um, I love the sport of gymnastics because it's very, um, demanding in a sense, and it challenges you to always be better. You know, the sort of motto of gymnastics or what, um, my, uh, perception of it was from doing is, you know, strive to be better, strive for perfection, perfect 10, all that stuff. You'll never get there. You'll never... Well, some people do, but I, I was never gonna [laughs] be a perfect 10.
17. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
18. THTaylor Hill
  Let's be honest. Um, but you know, having the drive to, like, always do better, always, you know, perfect this trick, perfect that flip, do this, do that, and, you know, push myself, it was, and, and push myself in something I enjoyed doing, um, kinda gave me the... I have a similar head space in my modeling career, just because I love doing it, and I, I love my job, and I just wanna, like, I just wanna keep doing it, you know? So I, I think that's two things about me. [laughs]
19. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Those are great answers. Are you, do you still know the person who blew that candle out?
20. THTaylor Hill
  I do, yes.
21. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
22. THTaylor Hill
  I do. I, I hadn't seen, I haven't seen him in forever.
23. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
24. THTaylor Hill
  But I did go back home to my, where I was born-
25. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
26. THTaylor Hill
  ... a couple times, like, throughout my childhood. My, my godparents and my, my mom and dad's best friends-
27. JSJay Shetty
  [clears throat]
28. THTaylor Hill
  ... um, they still lived there, and their children were our, uh, childhood best friends, so we would spend summers together and everything. And, um, some summers I would go back to, uh, Chicago and, like, see them and all that and see the kids in the neighborhood. So I did see this boy multiple times.
29. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
30. THTaylor Hill
  And he was a really good friend. It was very innocent, you know? We were only maybe three years old.
6:53 – 10:15
Modeling at 14
1. JSJay Shetty
  what does working at 14 as a model look like? Like, what are the hours? What are the commitments? Do you drop out of school? And then how do your siblings react to it? How do your parents react to it? Like, what does it look like? Because I feel, yeah, they're- they're not working. They're not getting paid. They're not traveling.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah, it was interesting. I mean, so my mom, uh, was a hairdresser, so she worked in a salon and cut hair. And, uh, you know, after s- having all four of us, she obviously was like, "I can't stand on my feet all day and take care of four young children under the age of five, so we're not gonna do that anymore," and she became a stay-at-home mother, which, um, I'm s- I'm so grateful to have had my mom, and that's a, that's a job. It's work, and she was amazing at it. And, you know, when I was scouted and I started traveling and, you know, working as a model, it, it meant that, you know, I went to New York. I signed with IMG when I was 14, and from there I went everywhere. You know, I, I traveled the world at, you know, 14 years old, and my mom came with me everywhere I went. You know, I did Paris Fashion Week. I did New York Fashion Week. I went to Australia, and I lived there for a month or two, you know, Milan, all those places, and she came with me everywhere. And, um, I definitely wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for my mom and her support. And I know it was a difficult thing for even her to navigate. She had three other children at home, and, you know, we were all trying to figure out how we were gonna do this. Um, my grandpa was a huge help. He, you know, would come with me places as well, and he would live with me places. He lived with me in LA for a bit. He traveled with me. And then when my older sister was 18, she would travel with me, and she would live with me, which wasn't much help-
3. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
4. THTaylor Hill
  ... 'cause she was 18 and I was 17, so you can imagine how fun that was for us to do. But, you know, sh- my mom always wanted to make sure I had somebody with me who was just, like, another set of eyes making sure I was good and I, you know, I, I could take care of myself, and she made sure to teach me how to, you know, read signs in an airport, and this is what this means. This is how you get to your gate, and this is what you, how you do this, and, you know, don't take a car ride from a stranger, you know? So, um, she was really, really good at making sure I was able to do all of that. Um, and then my siblings, you know, I think it was really... We, we just didn't know, you know? You don't know what you don't know, and I think we didn't really know any better, better, and it was like, "Oh, well, this is, Taylor's doing this, so this is what she does now." Um, and they were, you know... Nothing changed, I think, for them, 'cause they didn't never see me differently. They were just like, "Well, Taylor goes to work instead of goes to school, so whatever." You know, and I think because we were all a similar age-
5. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
6. THTaylor Hill
  ... they did have an understanding of what I was doing, you know? It's not like they were, you know, really young and didn't get it or much older than me and didn't understand why I didn't wanna go to school or didn't go back to college and stuff. They were kind of, you know, accepting of it. And my older sister now is a photographer and a content creator herself, so she really g- got it, you know?
7. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
8. THTaylor Hill
  She gets it, and she, she saw what I wanted to do and, you know, that I loved what I was doing, so she was really helpful and supportive of that. So yeah, it was, it was definitely interesting. I look back on it and I'm like, "Oh, wow, how did we do that?" I don't know.
9. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
10. THTaylor Hill
  We just kinda did it, you know?
11. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
12. THTaylor Hill
  Um, but yeah.
13. JSJay Shetty
  At the time, was it exciting or was it
10:15 – 12:49
Dropping Out Of School
1. JSJay Shetty
  scary? Or what parts were exciting and what parts were scary?
2. THTaylor Hill
  I was really excited just because I, I wasn't very good at school. [laughs] And I didn't love being in school. I was really, um, distracted, daydreaming, kind of. Didn't pay attention very well. I didn't learn things-
3. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
4. THTaylor Hill
  ... very easily. Not very good at math.
5. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
6. THTaylor Hill
  Um, and I remember the first time being on a set and feeling so excited because I was like, "Oh my God, I can do this instead?" And once I started booking more and more jobs, and school became more and more difficult to keep up with, you know, we looked into so many different options. I did do homeschooling for a little bit, and ultimately, that was still really difficult based off of how much I was working because, you know, you have to put in at least five to six hours a day even on online school, you know, because you have to commit an hour or so for each class. I was in different time zones. Getting one-on-one time with my teachers to explain something to me was very difficult. Um, so, you know, I tried to go back to regular high school, but, you know, in Colorado they don't have these child entertainment laws like they do in California. There was no structure for me to be able to do both.
7. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
8. THTaylor Hill
  So ultimately, I dropped out of high school, and I got my GED instead, and I just, I left school totally at 15 and started full-time modeling at 15. And to me it was really exciting 'cause I felt like I, all I would think about while I was in school was, "I can't wait to get out of here."
9. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
10. THTaylor Hill
  Um, [laughs] stay in school. You know what I mean?
11. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
12. THTaylor Hill
  Don't do what I do. No, I'm just kidding. Um, I do value school. I think education is really important, but I do think that it's not always for everyone.
13. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
14. THTaylor Hill
  And people learn differently, and I feel like I went to sort of a school of life, I guess you could say.
15. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, for sure.
16. THTaylor Hill
  I kind of learned by doing and by seeing the world. So I have a different education than what academia maybe teaches you. So, um, I am grateful that I got to experience some school, obviously, like, and a normal childhood to an extent until about 15, but I'm grateful I started- I left and I was done, and doing what I was doing by 15 I felt like, "Okay, this is it. This is what I'm supposed to be doing."
17. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
18. THTaylor Hill
  So I was just ecstatic. I was just ... I was where I was meant to be, you know?
19. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
20. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
21. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. It's amazing hearing your passion and drive, like after all these years. You said you've been modeling for 14 years, and I can feel like it's still this energizing feeling.
12:49 – 15:41
On Being A Victoria’s Secret Model
1. JSJay Shetty
  What was that transition like from that to becoming a Victoria's Secret model? Like, what is that journey like? Like, what is that arc like? Like, how hard is it to move from Paris Fashion Week and New York Fashion Week and doing runways and then going to actually be a Victoria's Secret model at the time?
2. THTaylor Hill
  It was really interesting because, you know, at that time Victoria's Secret was the end-all be-all, you know what I mean?
3. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
4. THTaylor Hill
  It was, not to everyone, but to a lot of models it was, "Oh my gosh," you know, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. It gave you more of a mainstream name, I guess. You were more, I guess, in the, the street, the, the pulse of pop culture, I guess-
5. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
6. THTaylor Hill
  ... if you were a Victoria's Secret model. Some of the most famous models in the world were Victoria's Secret models, you know? You know, Gisele Bündchen is like one of my favorites, and I love her and look up to her. She's why I went to IMG, because I was like, "Gisele Bündchen-"
7. JSJay Shetty
  Wow, really?
8. THTaylor Hill
  "... is at IMG." At the time she was. I don't think she still is.
9. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
10. THTaylor Hill
  But when I signed with them she was still with them, so I was like, "I wanna be where she is." And Karlie Kloss is with IMG, and I wanted to be where she was. So, um, I, I just, I feel like when I f- went from doing, you know, fashion and, um, more commercial brands, like I did shoot a lot of for, for H&M and Forever 21 and some like, some of these younger maybe fashion lines that were more for, you know, teenagers like myself. So I did work a lot with brands like that. And then kind of when I turned 18 I was switching into more of, you know, adult modeling, which is so crazy 'cause I was still so young, 18 years old. Um, and I tried out for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show just because, you know? 'Cause it, why not? Everybody wants to do it. I wanted to try out and I wanted to do this, so I went and I auditioned for it. And when I booked it I was shocked, because I really didn't think that I would get it on the first time, on the, on the first audition, because so many people go back multiple, multiple, multiple times. But probably because I'd had m- you know, a, a fashion career and had been on runways since I was 14, I was able to sort of be in the room and kinda maybe know a little bit more about what was happening.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
12. THTaylor Hill
  Whereas I feel like some girls start modeling at 18, 16, 18, you know, so they're n- still new and newer. And I, even though I was still really young I had been working for four years. So, um, I, I felt ready for it and I was excited for it, and when I booked it I was shocked and I, I w- I was like, "I can't believe I'm here right now. No way this is happening. I c- what?" So that was really scary, was, the scary thing was booking it.
13. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
14. THTaylor Hill
  I was like, "Oh, oh God. Okay. All right, this is happening." Um, but it was an amazing thing for my career and I'm really grateful for it, and I'm grateful, you know, that I got to do that because I, I don't, I wouldn't be sitting here if I hadn't, you know?
15. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
16. THTaylor Hill
  So I'm, I'm grateful for it, for sure. I keep saying that-
17. JSJay Shetty
  Oh y-
18. THTaylor Hill
  ... but I am. [laughs]
19. JSJay Shetty
  No, I, I believe
15:41 – 22:15
The Audition Process
1. JSJay Shetty
  it. How many steps was that audition process? Like, what does that look like in terms of getting there?
2. THTaylor Hill
  It's, well-
3. JSJay Shetty
  And what is it like? Like, what are you doing?
4. THTaylor Hill
  What was it? I mean, it was like 10 years ago now, so-
5. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
6. THTaylor Hill
  ... I have to try and remember what, what I did.
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. THTaylor Hill
  But I'm pretty sure what happened was I, so I knew the casting director who was casting for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. He was casting some of the other shows that I'd walked in before, like Michael Kors and, you know, a couple of the other New York shows, as well as shows in, in Milan and Paris. So I was familiar with him. And for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show you go to a pre-casting with him and his casting team and, you know, you do the walk, they record you, they film you, they ask you questions, "Where are you from? How old are you? What agency are you with?" So it's just a little bit of-
9. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
10. THTaylor Hill
  ... your personality or the way you talk on video. And then they take your picture. And then I guess they probably take it back to the Victoria's Secret internal casting team that also does show casting. 'Cause when you get into the main room at the Victoria's Secret headquarters there's five or six people at a table in front of you, and then five or six people behind them sitting in chairs, and they all have notepads and, you know, there's a big camera and they're filming you. And, um, you know, you do the whole, like walk thing and they ask you to do it again and do, do that. So I did a pre-casting with the casting director directly and then I went back in for a callback, which was the main casting. So they had s- probably seen my tape and seen my pre-casting video and thought, "Okay, let's request her for our main casting," so I went into that. And then, you know, sometimes there's another one and there's another callback and, you know, another casting you have to do. But I was working in LA, so I went to my casting and got on a flight and landed in LA and got a call that I booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. So that's what I did.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Mm.
12. THTaylor Hill
  That's how it h- happened to me.
13. JSJay Shetty
  It's useful to know. I, I feel like we d-
14. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
15. JSJay Shetty
  It's, it's like we need a picture in, right?
16. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Like, because if you've never done it you just don't know what the process looks like. And you mentioned something that I've heard a lot of models talk about, how they went from, like teen modeling to adult modeling and also when you're still a teen.
18. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
19. JSJay Shetty
  And like, how was that process for you? Because I've heard other people describe it as like it was uncomfortable, where certain poses or certain clothes or whatever, it was like, "I've never worn something like this," or, uh, did you feel that or was it not like that for you? Was it just kind of like you enjoyed it, it was fun?
20. THTaylor Hill
  No, I didn't, I didn't feel like that because I, I was just happy to be there.
21. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
22. THTaylor Hill
  I was like, "I'm just happy to be here."
23. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
24. THTaylor Hill
  Also, I love it. Like, I love- I loved playing dress up when I was a kid
25. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
26. THTaylor Hill
  And I do it for a living. So like h- how can I not be just having the best time ever, you know?
27. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
28. THTaylor Hill
  Trying on all these clothes, doing all these things. Also, I did dance, wasn't very good at it, but I loved it.
29. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
30. THTaylor Hill
  And I loved dancing, and I loved gymnastics, and I love moving. And, you know, if you're on the right set and you have the right team around you, and, you know, a lot of the- the Victoria's Secret team from that time, I've known them for a really long time, and I have worked with a lot of the photographers in the past. And, you know, it felt like a safe space, and my memory and my interpretation of that environment was that I was safe. So-
22:15 – 30:55
Prepping For The VS Show
1. JSJay Shetty
  through the discipline of being a Victoria's Secret model. Like, the diet, the workout, the plan, the day, like, the hour, what does that look like? Because I think often you, again, that's another thing you don't ever see.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
3. JSJay Shetty
  So you don't really know.
4. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah, it's, so when I first started doing Victoria's Secret, I was very young, and I was very lucky because I didn't have to work out that hard, and I, you know, didn't have to diet because I was 18 and, you know, six feet tall. So, you know, you can imagine how, um, lucky I was in terms of that sort of stuff. But then obviously, as I was starting to grow up and mature as a woman in that arena, I, I did have to start working out. You know, there was an are- there was a time where I was like, "Okay, well, if I want to be in the best shape of my life for this one really important day, then I'm gonna take it, I'm gonna step it up a notch." So there was some preparation probably when I was, like, 21 to 22. I started, you know, amping it up in terms of, like, the exercise and diet and stuff like that when we, we were training for the show. But, you know, a, there was such a, sometimes there's such a negative connotation in terms of talking about those things, um, because I think a lot of people have maybe an unhealthy perspective of it because Victoria's Secret wasn't inclusive, and it wasn't a welcome space for everybody, you know? It was welcome for, you know, women who were six feet tall and naturally slim and, you know, and then they were really fit on top of that. So if you're an outsider looking in, it looks like a really, well, not everybody looks like that, and I don't see myself there. Yeah, fair enough. And, like, it's, sometimes even I didn't see myself there, you know? So I had to train hard to get there. Um, but, you know, I always tried to be, um, as healthy as I could with it and, you know, keep a positive outlook on it. For me personally, in my journey and, like, how I went about training for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, I sort of looked at it like maybe a- An athlete would. I'm not an athlete obviously, but you know, the level of training that I would do and the, the diets I would be on if a footballer came in and, you know, started talking about his diet, people would accept it, I think, because he is an athlete. Um, but you know, if I come in and say how I was working out and what I was eating because I'm a six foot tall, naturally slim woman, I think it could be, you know, taken negatively and misconstrued. But I just wanna assure people that, you know, I did do it healthy. Like, I was very healthy when I was doing it. This is my natural physique. I know that everybody doesn't look like this and not everybody can relate to that, and that's, I, I he- I hear you and I see you and I hope you, you know, don't take anything that I say and misinterpret it and say like, "To look like her I have to do this." No, don't do that. You know, do what you need to do and for you and your body. Um, and when I was training for that, I, I did what I needed to do for my body. So I can get into that. Um, I, I did a lot of like HIIT cardio training, so I had a personal trainer who's amazing. Um, Christina, she's, she's near and dear to my heart. She's so intelligent. She has, you know, a nutrition background as well. So she was making sure that I was eating the amount of food I should be eating for the exercise that I was doing. Um, and so we sort of did like a mix of things. It was weightlifting. I, I love weightlifting. It's really fun. I also, I'm a crazy person, like I love exercise, I love fitness, I like working out. It's like, it's really, it's good for my mental health. When I work out, I work out because I wanna do it for my mind, not for how my body looks. Um, so but for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, obviously I was training for a reason, so I, I did care about, you know, muscle definition and all that fun stuff. Um, so we did like, you know, weight training, weightlifting. Um, you know, it would be like interval, like we would, you know, sprint on a treadmill and then hold a plank, kind of stuff like that. And I really liked that type of workout because it was, it was, you know, high energy and going from one thing to the next thing and it was challenging and it kind of sort of reminded me of maybe my gymnastics background and the sports I'd done before where they're a little bit more dynamic and you're moving around a lot. Um, and then, you know, for diet I would eat pretty healthy, just, um, I would eat like, I would make sure I was gluten-free though, just because I think sometimes gluten can respond in your body in a negative way.
5. JSJay Shetty
  Oh, gluten free.
6. THTaylor Hill
  So some- I know some people are gluten free around the VS show. I would be gluten free for about a month, no alcohol for about a, a month and a half or so up, leading up to the show day just because alcohol is never gonna help you if you're trying to like, you know, gain muscle weight. So th- that was my sort of goal was muscle, not, never managing or watching my weight. Um, it was more just about, you know, making sure I was eating lean proteins. I had like protein shakes in the morning. I would have a gluten-free bagel. I would have eggs, vegetables. I ate chicken breast, I ate sweet potato, I ate sushi rice, fish. I ate all kinds of things like that and making sure that it was enough based off of what the kind of exercise I was doing. So the trainer that would work with me on my fitness routine, she also worked with me on the food I was consuming. "Hey, you need to make sure you're consuming, before you see me, you need to eat this amount. And then we come and we're gonna work out and we're gonna do this."
7. JSJay Shetty
  Mm.
8. THTaylor Hill
  "And then you go home and you have this protein shake so we know you're getting the right nutrients that you need to fuel your body." So y- yeah, hopefully.
9. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Very, yeah, that was very in-depth.
10. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
11. JSJay Shetty
  I love it. Yeah. No, and, and I asked, Taylor, I genuinely asked because I, I do think it's an interesting thing around the discipline and that's why I asked it from that perspective because to me, the discipline, the work ethic, the, you know, the focus and, and I'm so happy that it was a healthy journey for you and I think we're taking into account the fact that it may not be a healthy journey for everyone and-
12. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
13. JSJay Shetty
  ... we recognize that, that it can cause challenges for others. And-
14. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah, and I, I mean, I know that time too it was difficult for so many, for women watching and I know like the expectation that was put on women to look, look a certain way to, I never wanna feel like m- maybe I was a part of it in perpetuating that just because of the way it was being presented maybe that I was just a p- like I was just happy to be there again. [laughs] I was just like, "Whoa, I'm so excited I get to be here." Um, but I know what it meant to, to society. I know what it, what people perceived it as for sure. So I do take that-
15. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
16. THTaylor Hill
  ... into account and I know it's, it's a lot and I hope people are, can maybe listen to, to me and my perspective and know like I was trying to be h- I was really healthy in the way that I was trying to do this and go about this and I never wanna like perpetuate that somebody should do something or, you know, work out a certain way to, to look like a Victoria's Secret model because, you know, it's, that's not fair and not everybody looks like, needs to look like that. That's not what's beautiful.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
18. THTaylor Hill
  You know? Beauty is so much more than what people were trying to make us believe it was at that time. So-
19. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
20. THTaylor Hill
  ... just wanted to put that out there and get that-
21. JSJay Shetty
  No, I'm glad you clarified that and I, I actually think you made a really interesting point though. I think what's interesting, for example, like I love watching basketball. I am, I have nowhere near the physique of any basketball player on the planet. There's no one my size who plays basketball-
22. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
23. JSJay Shetty
  ... in height, physique, whatever else it may be and if you saw, I don't play basketball, but if I was to try and play basketball, when I was younger I was great at a three-pointer because I didn't need to like beat anyone or whatever, but it's, I would never be expected to do what someone does on the court.
24. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
25. JSJay Shetty
  It's really interesting how the industry is then projected onto people-
26. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
27. JSJay Shetty
  ... thinking they have to be that.
28. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
29. JSJay Shetty
  Whereas I can watch basketball knowing I never have to be that.
30. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
30:55 – 36:18
Victoria's Secret Comeback
1. JSJay Shetty
  feel about when it stopped? And now of course we know it's coming back-
2. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
3. JSJay Shetty
  ... and the plan is to be more inclusive.
4. THTaylor Hill
  I'm really glad that it's coming back in a different way and from a different lens and a different perspective because I think, you know, I'm, I'm so happy. I still work with Victoria's Secret, and I'm, you know, been a part of the brand for 10 years. And I've seen the shift that they've made and the changes that they're trying to make, and it's, to me it's, hoo, aah, a little relaxing, you know, a bit of a breath of fresh air because now I'm at a different phase in my life where, you know, maybe I don't want to work out like that anymore.
5. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
6. THTaylor Hill
  You know what I mean? When I was younger and, you know, it was exciting to do so, then sure, I could definitely, I was, "Let's do this." But, you know, 10 years later, and also I haven't done that show in how many years now? How long has it been since the last one, you know? So five years maybe, maybe four, maybe more, I don't know. Um, you know, I, I, f- I feel when it comes back, I, I'm excited that it's gonna be so, so different. But also I, I hope that we can still maintain some of the, the fun, some of the glamour, some of the beauty because I think reclaiming it for ourselves as women is really important because, you know, if you want to feel sexy and you want to be sexy, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But you want to do it for yourself, not for, and not for the objectification of what men want, you know? So and I think that's the difference now, and I think, you know, that's definitely the goal with the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show coming back is to make sure that women are doing it. You know, we're comfortable. They asked me, you know, "What wings would you want to wear, and are you excited about doing this?" And, you know, "What do you want to see when the show comes back?" And I really appreciate that, you know. I value that they're asking how I feel and, you know, what I would like to see as a woman doing it, as a woman who's done it before and, you know, will probably do it again. So, um, I'm just, I'm excited that it's gonna be very different, and I hope that it can be perceived in a way that's, you know, not setting an unrealistic beauty standard because that's what it, 100% what it was. And, you know, maybe I was, maybe some of that, like, expectation was put on me, but I didn't realize it at the time because I was so young, you know? I didn't, you don't, again, you don't know what you don't know. And now that I'm 28, you know, 10 years later from my first show, if, if I look back on my first show, it's kind of like I'm sure so many women who were at that show felt such an intense-
7. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
8. THTaylor Hill
  ... pressure to look a certain way and work out a certain way, and that's probably why some people had an unhealthy relationship with it. And maybe just the timing of my age and where I was at and where my head space was at, I got really l- lucky that I didn't feel any of those things. But that doesn't mean it still wasn't happening for other people, and that doesn't mean that it didn't make society or other women watching it feel that way.
9. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
10. THTaylor Hill
  So, like, you know, I just, I hope that-
11. JSJay Shetty
  It's really well said.
12. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah. There's definitely both. Like, both sit with, sit with me, so.
13. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah. Everyone who's listening or watching, I can definitely-
14. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
15. JSJay Shetty
  I, I definitely hear what you're saying, and, and I can see how much of a, it's such a complicated-
16. THTaylor Hill
  It's so, it's-
17. JSJay Shetty
  ... complex, layered topic-
18. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
19. JSJay Shetty
  ... when it's personal but collective and-
20. THTaylor Hill
  It's hard to kind of verbalize and-
21. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
22. THTaylor Hill
  ... talk about something because it is very complex. So how do I put that into words? But I, I, I do see both. And, and they, it's weird. Two s- things can be true at the same time, you know what I mean? Sometimes emotions are parallel, and they're really just happening, one's happening here and one's also happening. And you're going on the same path, and you're going to the same place, and you're feeling two different things at the exact same time. So I, I look back on it, and I have new emotions that sit alongside the old ones and the joy and, like, the wow that I felt there. But then I can see how everything happened, and I can see the heaviness. And I can understand, like, I see where maybe by me talking so positively about it makes other people feel a negative way. Like, I-
23. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
24. THTaylor Hill
  ... I would never want to make somebody feel like that.
25. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
26. THTaylor Hill
  So I have to acknowledge that and be like, "Okay, I, I know. I see now." We, like, we've, we were in, like, like we were, the early 2000s we were in this bubble of this thing, and it, it popped. And now we can see clearly, and I see it.
27. JSJay Shetty
  Mm.
28. THTaylor Hill
  So I get it. But, you know, also if I'm gonna talk about my personal experience while I was in it, it was, I did have a great time. And I, I personally went about it in what I feel like was as healthy as I could possibly be. Like, trust me, I was eating. I was working out. I was doing, I was doing all the things, like, I should be doing to make sure that I'm not, you know, being unhealthy and having, like, a, a negative thing-
29. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
30. THTaylor Hill
  ... that was happening in my mind-
36:18 – 39:35
Experiencing Burnout
1. JSJay Shetty
  with you. I think you're allowed to have your own experience.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
3. JSJay Shetty
  I, I almost think about it sometimes to do with entrepreneurship too. Like, a lot of people will be like, "Entrepreneurship is really tough. It's really hard work." And there's the hustle culture of you have to work 18 hours a day-
4. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
5. JSJay Shetty
  ... and you have to do this, and you have to do that. And I always say to people, like, if I'm completely honest, for the first two years of my career, three years of my career, I did work 18 hours a day, and I'm really happy I did. Like, it was amazing, and I'm really grateful. And yes, some parts of it were unhealthy, but it, it allowed me to get to where I wanted to get to in order to put things in place-
6. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
7. JSJay Shetty
  ... to be more healthy. And that's my personal experience of it.
8. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
9. JSJay Shetty
  And that's not right or wrong or the best way or the worst way. It's just how it's worked for me.
10. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Uh, and, and you could look at that and be like, "Oh, well, 18 hours is a hustle culture, and there's no balance." And I'm like, but it's- It's each of us have gotta find-
12. THTaylor Hill
  Yep
13. JSJay Shetty
  ... what's comfortable and natural for us, and you're allowed to have your own experience and also recognize that-
14. THTaylor Hill
  Yes
15. JSJay Shetty
  ... there's negatives within it.
16. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah. 'Cause you, you know, you're working those 18-hour days, and when you realize, "Well, maybe I shouldn't be doing that," or you have maybe this realization of, "Maybe I should have more balance in my life. Maybe I should do this," oh, okay. Like, then you can maybe fix it and grow from it and change and not do that anymore, but doesn't mean that when you were doing it, you were, you know, having a terrible time.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
18. THTaylor Hill
  It, maybe you were having fun and you were just excited that you get to do this work and all that stuff, and then you can look back on it and be like, "Whoa, I was actually some, more overwhelmed than I thought I was. Oh, okay." Like-
19. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
20. THTaylor Hill
  ... that's, I, that's what that was. 'Cause sometimes you feel these things and some new emotions that you've never felt before, and you can't pinpoint what it is exactly until you hear somebody else say it, or there's a, a new topic of discussion where people are like, "Do you guys ever feel this?" And then you're like, "I do feel that. What is that?" And then you discover, oh, it's burnout.
21. JSJay Shetty
  Yes.
22. THTaylor Hill
  And you're like, "Oh." See, and there was never a word for it before. That's what that is. So it's just, like, acknowledging and, and recognizing something and then being like, "Okay, well, we're not gonna do that anymore." [laughs]
23. JSJay Shetty
  It's-
24. THTaylor Hill
  But I did do it, so you know, we're not gonna do that. [laughs]
25. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, it's so true. I mean, I, I think about that. When I was young, I used to have certain, um, physical sensations or experiences in my, in my heart space, in my chest space, and I would go to the doctors. I would tell my mom, and we'd go get checked out. The doctors had no clue. They were like, "You're absolutely fine."
26. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
27. JSJay Shetty
  And now I look back and I'm like, "Oh, I had anxiety."
28. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
29. JSJay Shetty
  "Oh, I had panic attacks." I had no idea, and no one in my, no one ever used that language.
30. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
39:35 – 1:10:24
Grieving The Loss of A Pet
1. JSJay Shetty
  but let's talk about the grief of losing a friend, uh, because that's really what this is-
2. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
3. JSJay Shetty
  ... a really dear friend. Uh, walk me through those nine years and, and the amazing relationship you built with Tate.
4. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah. Tate, oh, my angel. Um, I got Tate when I was 18, so it was really kinda in the mix of all this, my life changing. You know, I, I booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show not very long after I, I, Tate came into my life, and we went, we walked through life together for nine years, and he was my best friend. And oh, gosh, it's so hard to put it into words because it's, um, it's so, it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship with an animal, and it sounds... I hope I don't sound crazy. [laughs]
5. JSJay Shetty
  Not at all.
6. THTaylor Hill
  Maybe I'm gonna sound a little crazy, but, like, I just feel like the love that, you know, dogs and animals in general have for humans is so unconditional, you know? And they have no judgment. They don't want anything from you but your love back, and it's so pure, and it's so innocent. It's almost childlike in a way. You know, when I, I, I can only imagine, you know, when you hold a newborn baby for the first time, that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that can't even talk yet and is just a part of you. It's, um, it's really special to have such a, a deep connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except for also the, like, unconditional love. So to have Tate come into my life at that time was so special just because so much was changing. You know, I was growing up. I was, m- you know, becoming a young woman, from a girl to a woman, and he was there for that. And, you know, I was traveling all the time, and I was away from family, and I just had this little, tiny, innocent soul with me that just always looked at me like, "You're the best, and I love you." And Tate taught me so much. I mean, he taught me, you know, responsibility, caring for something other than myself, you know, taking care of him, you know, pouring love into him and making sure that he was good and, you know, even well-behaved, and training him and doing all those things is, is showing him an act of love and making sure that he's a confident, comfortable dog. He, he could be in any scenario, and he was the best boy, and I think he also kinda knew that I was just kinda out there winging it a bit.
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. THTaylor Hill
  And he was like, "Oh, God, this girl, this girl has no idea what she's doing, so I'm gonna have to be a good boy now."
9. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
10. THTaylor Hill
  And he just, I really sometimes feel like he did teach himself, um, how to just be everywhere with me all the time, and I think that he was meant for me, and he was meant to be in my life, and I think that we were sort of made to be, for each other, and we belonged to each other. Um, and you know, he was, he was so... I, it sounds crazy to say this about a dog, but he was so emotional. Like, his eyes were so human. He could look at me, and I knew what he was saying or w- what he was thinking, or I, I felt that he could feel what I was thinking or what I was feeling. And I definitely think that he also taught me a lot about, you know, emotion and, you know- Being, you know, what's that saying? You know, be the person your dog thinks you are.
11. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
12. THTaylor Hill
  They think you're great, you know? They're like, "I love you-
13. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
14. THTaylor Hill
  ... no matter what. Yes, Mom, yes."
15. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
16. THTaylor Hill
  So sh- that's the energy they give you, right, is like, "Ha, you're the best." And it's just like, am I the best? But to have something s- you know, this little creature just look at you and think you're the best, it kind of makes you wanna be the best, right? You know, constantly trying to grow and be better and change. And, you know, nobody's perfect, and we're- no one will ever be perfect, and we're always learning, and we're always growing, and, um, we're always changing. But having something to do that for and having some- someone to do that with is, is really, is, it's different. You know? Like, it's more intentional, right? So trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best is, it's a different motivation. So he definitely, um, was there for me through, you know, so much of my life and so much of my life changing. I think from, you know, 18 to 27 are pretty formative years. I, I don't, I'm not a doctor, but I... Someone told me once that your s- brain stops developing at 25 or something.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
18. THTaylor Hill
  So, you know, he was there. Ooh, sorry, I hit the mic. Ah. I talk with my hands. Um, he was there f- he was there from when I had a undeveloped brain to a developed brain, you know? He kind of just saw me through, and he was, he was just the best. I mean, the love of my life, I mean, my soulmate really, because he just knew, you know? And I, I've never had a connection with any- anyone like that, that I've had with Tate. So, um, I'm just, I'm really grateful that he was in my life. He's the inspiration behind me even wanting to start a pet company, just because I love him so much, and I know other people have felt that before. People who've had, you know, what I like to call a soul dog, they know what I'm talking about. You know? They know that feeling. And, uh, when I shared that I lost Tate, people who've, who'd, you know, been on my journey with me and been maybe following me for a bit know the day I got him and maybe saw, saw him on my Instagram all the time. I mean, he was probably in every single picture on my Instagram for nine years, so I feel like people felt like they knew him. And when I said, when I, you know, shared that he was sick and then when I ultimately shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount of support and, you know, messages that I got and also shared experiences that I received from, "I lost my soul dog 10 years ago, and I still think about them every single day," it made me feel, it made me feel less alone and less maybe kind of strange for feeling this way about a dog. Because I... You know, you get both. You get, I got amazing, overwhelming comments that were just overwhelmingly positive, I mean, just, "I, you know, I know what you've, what you're going through. I went through this. You know, just remember he's always with you." You know, I got messages like that that touched me so s- deeply and positively, and I just felt so grateful that I got those messages. But then of course you get the flip side where people don't understand. They're like, "Oh, it's a dog. What's the big deal?" You know? "Oh, it's a dog. Move on." I'll, I'll never move on from Tate's death. My grief will change for sure. Um, my perspective of his death will change. Um, and it, and it has even since I lost him, you know? I, it's, it's devastating, and it's heartbreaking. And, you know, to anyone who's felt that, I know what that feels like. And don't let anybody rush you. You know, some people don't understand that it's, just because this is a dog and, you know, not a person, it doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same amount of time and space and energy you would give to grieving anything else. So I would just say, you know, take your time, and you're not alone. And it's, it's a, not a fun thing to go through at all. So, um, I think I'll always miss Tate, you know? I don't see how I can't, you know? And I think to say, to, to get over something is such a harsh way of saying it, because I'll probably never get over it. I'll never really get over losing Tate. I can heal from it, and I can find, you know, peace with it, but those are two completely different things. Getting over it, you get, how do you get over that, you know? It does, it's not something that, it's not a object in my way. It's he's a part of me, and he's no longer here. So yeah, I definitely think, um, losing a pet is, is tough. And, you know, losing one that you have such a deep, strong connection with that's been with you for so many things with no expectation from you other than just they wanna be there with you is, that's a tough loss and a-
19. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
20. THTaylor Hill
  ... tough thing to, to, um, work through, so.
21. JSJay Shetty
  Thank you for sharing that.
22. THTaylor Hill
  Ugh.
23. JSJay Shetty
  I mean, I, like I was saying to you, I've had two friends recently who've both lost pets that they were, dogs that they were close to for many, many years. And I've been talking to them. And when this opportunity came up to talk to you, I was thinking about you and then thinking about them. And I can't wait to share this conversation with them because-
24. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
25. JSJay Shetty
  ... it's, I d- I don't think there's anyone who has a pet that they're deeply close to that sees it as a loss that's different of any kind. And-
26. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
27. JSJay Shetty
  ... and why would you when that person has been there with you through all these experiences? Walk us through, like, what is it like when you get that call or you have that meeting with the vet or the doctor that goes, "This is the condition that Tate has"? And please tell us a bit about the condition and-
28. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
29. JSJay Shetty
  ... that experience, because I feel like to me, when I think about grief and loss, it's like that ... point in the journey is so pivotal to everything that comes after it-
30. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
1:10:24 – 1:17:03
Healing From Heartbreak
1. JSJay Shetty
  what would you... Two questions. What would you, for anyone who is grieving the loss of a pet friend, a dog, like, what would you want them to know about the grieving process? And the second question is, if someone has a friend or family member that's going through it, what would you like them to know in order to offer help or support to that person?
2. THTaylor Hill
  I would say if you're going through, if you're going through this loss and you're, you know, coping with this type of grief, I think patience. Just be patient with yourself. Feel it, you know? Grief is like an ocean. Sometimes it's relentless. Sometimes it's calm. Sometimes the waves are huge and crashing. Sometimes it's completely still and beautiful and peaceful, and, you know, you're, you're able to just float. So wherever you're at, wherev- whatever your ocean is doing, just feel it, because one moment it'll feel really calm, and you'll feel a sense of perspective, maybe a sense of peace. And then there'll be a memory, or you'll be in a situation where it, it brings something back up, and then the waves come crashing in, and, you know, that's okay. Sometimes, you know... I'm, I'm almost a year, uh, t- to the day that I lost Tate, and I'm not fully healed yet, and I think that's gonna take maybe a couple more years to even feel like I can say I'm healed from that. Um, I don't think I can ever-- I don't think anyone ever necessarily moves on. And I think if they hear w- the words move on, don't take that d- let, let that roll right off you because they're, that's not what maybe they mean. To move on, you may, you may never move on, but to heal is different. You know? To heal a wound that, so it no longer opens is a different thing. And I would say to make sure that you're doing the steps and taking care of yourself in the way you need to to heal 'cause it is a wound, you know? How would you go about if you broke your arm? You know, you would go to the doctor. You would, you know, set it in a cast. You would do all these steps to make sure your arm could work again. So I think that losing someone is sort of, it- it's, it's a wound. It's an, it's an internal wound. It's some, it's a part, it's, it breaks something in our spirit. So it's not something you can see, but it's something that needs addressing. It's something that needs help. It needs time. It, you know, however you need to do that and whatever your process looks like to deal with healing, just... And if you don't know how to do that, I think talking to someone. I think anyone. It doesn't even have to be a therapist, you know, because I know a lot of people like to say, "Go to therapy." Well, m- some people don't have access to therapy yet, and that's okay. But talking about it, you know, if there's someone you can relate to, if you can find anyone in your life who will listen and help, help you grieve and, you know, talk it, talk through it with you, writing about it, talking to yourself about it if you, if you prefer writing or journaling or... I think there's a couple of different ways to get started in terms of- "Well, I don't even know how to heal. What does that mean, Taylor? Where, where do I start? What's the process look like?" It's different for everyone, but I think, um, you know, knowledge is power, and learning, and if you don't know where to start, you can talk to someone and maybe ask a couple of questions, or ask yourself questions or write things out, and start really small and start there. And then hopefully, you know, you can start growing on that, and, and expanding on, "Okay, well, I... This is what it means to heal. This is-
3. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
4. THTaylor Hill
  ... this is my process. This is how I'm gonna do this." And, you know, find the tools that work for you, and, or create the tools that work for you. Who, who knows? It's different for everybody. It's different for everybody. So however that looks like to you, whatever that feels like to you, as long as you're, you're doing what you need to do to ultimately heal from it, I think that's a really, a really great place to start, is just to start thinking about it from there. Don't worry about moving on or getting over it, or if the emotions are stronger sometimes than others. They can be really unexpected, you know? It can, it hits you like a wave some days, and, and that's okay. Feel it. Sit there. Write about it. Think about it. I mean, if you wanna ignore it for a little bit, you can, but, you know, make sure you're always coming back to it and acknowledging it and addressing it. And then you can sort of, like, let it go and be like, "Okay, I see you, I hear you, I feel you. We're gonna acknowledge that emotion, and then we can let it go." And then I think that's, like, those are really good ways to kind of start healing.
5. JSJay Shetty
  Mm. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, and I loved what you were saying about people discovering their own tools-
6. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
7. JSJay Shetty
  ... discovering their own way, not feeling like there has to be a set formula. And, and even listening to this conversation, and I do think I've been encouraging a lot of my friends to reach out to other people who've gone through-
8. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
9. JSJay Shetty
  ... similar experiences-
10. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
11. JSJay Shetty
  ... because, not that your healing will look the same-
12. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
13. JSJay Shetty
  ... but that it feels necessary to sit with other people who you feel see you, hear you, understand you, and-
14. THTaylor Hill
  Mm
15. JSJay Shetty
  ... my friend told me something beautiful about grief that I don't think I'll ever forget. They said to me that grief is like a stone, and you carry it in your pocket, and you'll always notice it. You'll feel it. You know it's there.
16. THTaylor Hill
  Mm.
17. JSJay Shetty
  But as time goes on, you get stronger, and so as you get stronger, it's not that the stone goes away, it's just that it gets lighter.
18. THTaylor Hill
  Wow.
19. JSJay Shetty
  And so it's lighter to carry. But it doesn't mean it's going away. You didn't move on. You didn't have-
20. THTaylor Hill
  Mm
21. JSJay Shetty
  ... to get over it.
22. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
23. JSJay Shetty
  It doesn't disappear. It doesn't get smaller. It stays the same. You just get stronger, so the stone gets lighter.
24. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
25. JSJay Shetty
  And I, and I really appreciated that-
26. THTaylor Hill
  I like that
27. JSJay Shetty
  ... idea around grief, because it sat true with me that it didn't have to go away.
28. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
29. JSJay Shetty
  I didn't have to let go of it.
30. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
1:17:03 – 1:42:15
Pregnancy and Miscarriage
1. JSJay Shetty
  when you mentioned it to me, there's something beautiful you said, and it was this idea of how Tate has actually been with you through another loss in your life.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
3. JSJay Shetty
  And that's a journey that you haven't shared before.
4. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
5. JSJay Shetty
  Could you walk us through how Tate was your best friend through that journey too?
6. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah. So about three years ago, um, I had a miscarriage, and I've, I've never spoken about it before, um, except for obviously to people in my life, and, you know, my family knows, and my close friends know, and I- I've shared it with, you know, some people, and I do think, you know, talking about it is an important thing. But, you know, I've never publicly spoken about it or said that I went through that. Um, and, you know, I kind of made the decision that I, since I am, you know, talking about Tate, and I'm, you know, starting this business based off of the love that we have for each other and how I wanna be there for people, he was there for me in so many ways, and how can I, you know, share that without sharing something that I went through that he was there for me for? And in grieving his loss, I'm grieving the shared experiences we've had and learning how to cope some- cope with something without him when he was there for me through that time in my life. Um, I had a, it was a really strange circumstance under which I, um, had my miscarriage. I, um, had an IUD. I had it for about three years, so I obviously, you know, I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant. I didn't want to get pregnant at all. I was, you know, engaged to my husband, and, you know, we were not planning on starting a family probably for, you know, for a while. So I wasn't in the head space at all to, to be pregnant. Um, and, you know, I'm not really sure how it happens, because [laughs] I, I don't, I, I don't know how that works. I'm not a doctor, and I, I didn't understand it, and sometimes I still don't under- understand it, um, because, you know, I'm pretty sure, I could be wrong on this, I probably should have looked it up before I came in here so I could say exactly, but, um, it's a really small percentage, like a small chance of getting pregnant on an IUD. It's, like, less than 1% or something like that, which is still, you know, still a chance. Like, it can still happen, of course. But, um- You, if some crazy things happen to someone and they're, it, it's like, "Ugh, that'll never happen to me," it happened to me. I got pregnant on an IUD, and I, I was shocked, and I was sad. I didn't wanna be pregnant. I wasn't ready to be pregnant. I didn't n- understand what it meant to be pregnant with an IUD. I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know what my journey with this pregnancy would look like. I was so scared. I was terrified. Um, and also it was, um, still during COVID, so my husband was in... He wasn't able to be with me. He was in London, and, um, he wasn't, you know, kinda not allowed to travel into the US, so I, I f- He was with me in the beginning of, um, COVID and the pandemic, but because he's British, you know, he was on an ESTA, and they were getting people out on tourist visas, so his exception to fly out was so he didn't overstay his ESTA, 'cause that's the last thing we wanted. We were, you know, planning on getting married. Like, we can't get marks on, you know, all that stuff. So, um, he left the country because he had to, and so then we were separated, and we were no longer able to be together p- I don't, I don't think I saw him for maybe another couple months after that. So, um, he, he wasn't with me when I found out I was pregnant, and, um, that was really hard for both of us. Because all you wanna do when you're going through something like that, as shocking and unexpected as it was for the both of us, is to be there with each other, you know? I know he wanted more than anything in the world to hold my hand. Like, "Tell me it's gonna be okay." Like, "Hold me." And you know, that's all I wanted too, and I couldn't be with him. And, um, Tate was with me, though, [sighs] you know? He was... We were together, and I'm so grateful that I, I had him physically to be there with me physically, you know? My husband was there for me in every way that he possibly could be, but I had the physical connection, that, that holding, that comforting, you know, that something that you need in that space. I... It was breaking both of our hearts that we didn't have that, you know? Couldn't do that. And I think it both gave us, like, comfort knowing that I had Tate with me for that. Um, you know, I had to go to my doctor's appointments alone. I, you know, went in to make sure that I didn't have an, what's called an ectopic pregnancy, which is when, um, it, the embryo attaches itself in the fallopian tube. My pregnancy was in my uterus, so it was viable. It was technically healthy, but the circumstances and the environment on which I got, which I conceived was a bit of a turbulent environment. So you know, my doctor said, "We don't really know what's gonna happen here because, you know, you conceived in an environment where your body is telling you you shouldn't be pregnant because of the IUD, because of the hormones the IUD is putting into your body. Um, and also, if we remove it, then, you know, we're changing, again, the environment in which you conceived. So you know, it's, we don't know. 50/50 of whether or not you're gonna c- you know, carry this out." So, um, it was really just a waiting game to see if it would stick or not, and I was given a couple of markers of, you know, "Come back at y- about six and a half weeks, and we can do a internal ultrasound and, you know, check everything out and see how it's going." So you know, I'm, I'm waiting another week or so. I go back in. They do the internal ultrasound. They're able to, like, hear a heartbeat. Um, and you know, at this point I'm like, "Oh, my gosh," like, "I... What is happening to me? This is so crazy." I'm going through all these things. I, I have a photo. I have the picture, you know, of the ultrasound. Like, that's so cra- It was, like, this big. You know what I mean? And, um, so I'm at a place in my life where, okay, maybe I wasn't planning to get pregnant, and I wasn't, I wasn't ultimately excited about it at first. I was scared, not excited. I was shocked. I was confused. I, I, I was feeling fear. I wasn't feeling joy. But at the same time, I'm gonna marry this person. I'm in love with this person. I wanna have a family with this person. I'm 20... [laughs] Was I 25, or was I 24? I think I was 25. I'm 25. That's still young, but you know, it's... I feel somewhat ready if I was to have a child. Okay, so I'm gonna start getting in the head space now of I think I'm gonna, if this pregnancy sticks around, like, I'm gonna have a child, okay? Oh, gosh. So it's like I'm coming to so many different, so many terms of acceptance here where I'm just like, "Okay," but I can't get too excited because we don't know what's gonna happen. I have to pass all of these milestones to make sure if this is gonna be a healthy pregnancy or not. Um, so I get to about roughly nine weeks, and you know, she's like, "Okay, well, we're getting closer." Sh- you know, she's optimistic that this could be happening. You know, usually it's about 12 to 14 weeks when you start telling people. Um, so I'm like, "Oh, my God, it's getting closer. Like, maybe this is gonna happen." Um, and I'm starting to accept that this is gonna happen. Um, it's still really early though, so of course I'm not too excited. I'm not at that, that check mark yet. And then, um, I start spotting, but it was, it was like, um, it wasn't bright red. It wasn't blood yet. And so then the doctor was like, "Well, that's normal. Sometimes that happens. You know, there is spotting in, with pregnancy. It's just your body adjusting. So, oh, we'll just keep an eye on it." Um- And about a week goes by, and, and then I start seeing like what looks like fresh blood. Um, and that's this, you know, that's what she told me to look out for, and that's like kind of the early signs and, um, of what ultimately will be a miscarriage. So that starts happening, and, you know, I'm, I'm alone in my house, and, you know, I'm, at least I have Tate with me. And I call my husband, and, you know, I'm just devastated because I know that this is about to happen to me, and we're both crying. And he's... I could just tell he was so heartbroken, um, that he couldn't be there. I think that was really painful for him too, you know, for both of us. And I've never spoken about it either, so like to this extent, so I, um, w- I have with my family, so this is also new for me to, to do this. It's like reprocessing again. Um, I'm going through the physical reaction of having the miscarriage, um, and it, it takes some time. Like you know it's happening while it's happening. It doesn't just like happen and then it's done. Like it, it's, it takes a long time. It's, it can be painful. It feels like, uh, period cramps, but like your worst period cramps you've ever had. Um, and, you know, ultimately it passes, and I have to make all these doctor, doctor's appointments. I, um, I have to, you know, make sure everything's okay, make sure I'm healthy, and all of that. So sh- you know, right after dealing with, with this loss, you have to click into this mode of I have to do all these things, and I have to make sure I do this and I do that, and logistics of getting to the doctor and like making sure and checking and m- making sure it was clean and everything that needed to pass, passed. Um, so, you know, I kind of went into take care of it mode. Um, and I just remember feeling so confused because it was really just like a, a rollercoaster of emotion of I didn't, I didn't even know I w- I didn't even want this. I, I wasn't expecting this. I, I wasn't planning on having a child. I was doing w- to the best of my ability, you know, the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control, one of the most efficient forms of birth control. And, you know, I, I was very confused. I was like, "Why is this happening? Um, this is so wild. I can't believe, I can't believe this." Um, I, I didn't, I didn't wanna necessarily be pregnant. Um, and then, okay, I'm, I make m- pass a couple of checkpoints and I'm starting to feel a little like, "Oh gosh, this is gonna happen." I'm starting to process emotions of coming to terms with this. Like you do get excited. I wasn't allowing myself to get fully excited or to like be too optimistic about it. I tried to stay as neutral as I possibly could, but it's, it's difficult, you know? [laughs] You can't-
7. SPSpeaker
  Naturally
8. THTaylor Hill
  ... you can't control some of these things. I mean, these, this is what I'm feeling. So, you know, I, I was like, "Okay, well, oh my gosh," like, "is this happening?" Like, "Whoa." So then it, there's a little bit of excitement, and then, you know, some joy because like I want a family. I'm excited to have children. Um, and, and then I lose the pregnancy. You know, it was early still like when I lost it, so, um, I wasn't luckily fully in the head space of, "Oh my God, this is 100% happening." So in terms of the timeline, I am really grateful that I hadn't fully come to terms with it yet. But I was still really confused because I was like, "Whoa," processing this emotion of feeling like w- I don't even want this to... maybe this is happening, and s- feeling some excitement and maybe some joy and then, and then loss. It was so strange, and it was just all the things. You know? It was really just two things can be true at once [laughs] kind of a thing, where you feel these emotions that are, one is, [sighs] honestly, even with some time and some space now and some perspective, relief. [sighs] Wow, the timing wasn't right. You know, everything happens for a reason. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wasn't ready to have a child. I'm absolutely devastated. I'm not a mother, and I don't have a child. Well, that makes no sense. How can you feel both of those things? I don't know. They both sit, one sits on this side of my brain, and one sits on this side of the brain, and they fight with each other.
9. SPSpeaker
  Mm.
10. THTaylor Hill
  And I don't... And it took me a really long time to understand how to deal with that. I don't know how to talk about this. How do I make this make sense? And I think in terms of, you know, miscarriages, sometimes they don't make sense. None of n- it doesn't make any sense. And I think a lot of women go through that. I think it's something like one in three women experience miscarriage, so, and, and some women multiple. And some women who've never had one, like myself, you know, when I first got pregnant, it's like this, you have this sort of, we don't, you, you don't know that that's a possibility, right? So it's, it's like, oh, it can be really exciting. And I think a lot of women when they get pregnant for the first time feel excited-
11. SPSpeaker
  Mm
12. THTaylor Hill
  ... and optimistic and hopeful, and oh my God, I'm gonna have a child right away. So the blow of a miscarriage is so devastating.
13. SPSpeaker
  Mm.
14. THTaylor Hill
  Wait a minute, what? I didn't... What? What happened? I, I thought I was having a child. All, everyone has a baby. How do people have babies? Like this is crazy. How is this happening? Um, to, to be pregnant is such a complicated thing. It's so wild the fact that we can even get pregnant, you know? Um, and I think- It, it really helped me feel less alone knowing that it was something that was quite common, um, and that a lot of women do go through it. Um, and it, it just, it... But then, you know, something that I, I felt that was difficult to hear in the very beginning, that being said, um, when I did very first lose my pregnancy, it was like, "Well, you know, don't worry, this happens to a lot of people. You're not alone." It was like you- I didn't wanna hear that. I didn't wanna hear, "This happens all the time." Like, you know, I was so upset. I was like, "What do you mean? So, so I shouldn't feel upset that this happened to me because it happens to a lot of people?" So I don't, I, uh-
15. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, that's a really-
16. THTaylor Hill
  I'm trying... Sorry, I'm t- trying to articulate.
17. JSJay Shetty
  You are.
18. THTaylor Hill
  And it's a very difficult thing to articulate specifically because I think it is very intricate, and it's... It can be very difficult and complicated to speak about something like that. Um, so because there's so many powerful, really, you know, strong emotions that are happening in your physical body and in your emotional self as well. So I was always torn with they're trying to help me by saying this, but it didn't help me to hear that. So if I'm saying that now, three years later, I do have perspective, and it, and it did eventually become helpful to hear I'm not alone. One in three women have, have miscarriages. This happens to people. It's gonna be okay. If someone's listening and they're not ready to hear that, I feel that. I've been there. Like, no, this sucks. It sucks that one in three women go through it. It sucks that it's something that we have to deal with. Sometimes you need to hear that, you know? So I've, I've been in a place, and I've been in positions where I needed to feel both. Like, I'm mad. I'm confused. Why is this happening to me? Why is my body doing this? I felt a sense of failure. I s- felt a sense of betrayal of my own body, of my own self. I felt like... And I wanted to feel those things. I didn't wanna hear, "Oh, well, it happens to one in three women." I'm like, "Oh, I'm mad at myself." Like, it's okay, it's okay to be mad at yourself. You don't have to get over it right away and accept that it happens to one in three women. So wherever you're at in, you know, your journey of, of dealing with th- these emotions and processing, you know, I, I've, I've felt those things. I've been angry. I've felt confused. I've felt relief. I felt pain. N- and none of it made any sense. I was like, "What? How do I, how do I deal with this?" Um, and again, you know, it's, it, it goes back to sort of something similar. And when I lost Tate, I just sort of started talking to people. I spoke to one of my best friends in the whole world, and I, the day it happened, I just sobbed to her, and she held me, you know? And, you know, she experienced this loss as well not shortly after me. And I think that when I knew she was going through what I had been through, and she held me, and I held her, and we were talking about it with each other, I think that's when I got to a place when I was starting ready to hear this happens to one in three women. And then I wanted to learn about it more and understand the technical reasons why this happens and, you know, it's not my fault. My body didn't fail me. You know, it wasn't a viable pregnancy. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't meant to happen. I don't... I'll never really know why it happened. Um, it could be a multitude of things. I, I got pregnant on an IUD. You know, that's probably number one reason why it didn't come through, come to fruition. So, you know, I, I did have some things to ground me in my grief of, okay, well, this happened because of this reason. Some women don't get that answer, and they don't know why. And maybe it happens to them a lot later in their pregnancies. And there's so many different levels and variations of what it means to have a miscarriage and so many different variables and versions of what a miscarriage looks like and what a miscarriage feels like to those people. Um, all I can say is my own personal experience and all the things I was feeling during that time and know that, you know, three years later, I have so much more perspective, and I've given myself so much time to heal from that, and it no longer feels like an open, gaping wound. It feels like a, a scar. It's definitely still with me. There's a mark there. It happened to me. It's, it's more of a, you know, another mark on my spirit maybe. But, um, I have perspective from it. I, I have healing from it. I really feel like I gave myself a lot of time to, to, to feel everything I know I needed to feel for myself. And I think it's important for other women to hear from others what... That it's something that we go through. And I didn't know if I would ever publicly talk about it, but I, you know, I, I lost Tate, and I'm talking about grief, and he was such a huge part of my journey and my life, and he helped me deal with grief, and he's been a huge part of, you know, my mental health and being there for me. And I think there's something there with, you know, having that connection to an animal and mental health and what they can do for our mental health. I mean, there's therapy dogs for a reason and horse therapy, and there's a reason why people connect to animals so strongly, and there's something there, and there's something that's healing in being around them, you know? And- He was such a huge part of that healing. And in losing him, it did, it did hurt me in that area, that previous injury in my spirit that I had from the miscarriage. It was some- someone that was with me so closely and so deeply for something so difficult is no longer here. I can no longer hold him and, you know, feel comforted from the wave of emotions that maybe come back from having this, having the miscarriage. Um, so you know, it's, it's all connected and, you know, sometimes it, it can be painful, and it can be hurtful. And even though it, it's a, it is a scar on, on me now, and it's what I feel heals, and I feel optimistic, and I've, I've grown a lot from it, and, you know, I do feel like I've kind of come out on the other side of going through that. It's still a tender spot, you know what I mean? It's like if it's poked, it kind of hurts. It's like, "Ooh, ow, that, that was oof, that's from that," you know? You know, I can only... I, I have nev- I've never broken a bone, crazy enough as it is. So I, I can imagine it's maybe similar to if you break a bone in your body, how it still hurts maybe later in life, and you feel aches and pains and all of these things. So, um, it's, it's an injury that I've feel like my spirit's endured, and it's still there. But, um, I've really worked through it and worked through healing, and, um, I think there's a light at the end of the tunnel in, in terms of if you're going through, through that. Um, it takes time. And who knows? Maybe now I, maybe I think I'm healed, and I may be fully not. I don't know. I, I feel confident and comfortable enough to speak about it, so maybe that's a layer and a step towards, like, towards healing. Maybe we're never fully done healing and, and, and growing from things. I, I mean, we're never done growing. We grow forever and ever and ever until the day we die. So, um, it might evolve, and it might change going forward, and, you know, it might continue and shift, and I can maybe look back on where I'm at today and think I still had some work to do, and I wasn't aware of it yet. So, you know, we'll kind of s- we'll see where it goes. But, you know, kind of where I'm at now is this is the head space that I'm in. I feel, um, comfortable and, you know, confident enough to sort of talk about it and talk about, you know, what happened and, and share it and hope that others can maybe connect with it and feel not alone. Um, I know it's, it can feel isolating, especially if there's no one in your life that's been through it, and you don't feel like you have somebody to connect to. So hopefully it, it just helps, and I feel like that's kind of why I wanted to share that was just because, you know, the many layers of grief and in my loss. I've, I've felt loss before, and I lost someone that went through me, through that loss with me. So I, I kind of just wanted to touch on both of those things just because I know they can be... It's something that a lot of people go through, losing a pet, losing a loved one, and then obviously, you know, losing a pregnancy and going through a miscarriage and, and so.
19. JSJay Shetty
  Hmm. Thank you for the courage and bravery to share that with us here today for, for the first time publicly beyond friends and family. And when, when I was listening to you, Taylor, I was just thinking, like, I appreciate just the level of complexity and layers that you're willing to kind of look at this from-
20. THTaylor Hill
  Mm
21. JSJay Shetty
  ... whether it's personally, others, everyone. I mean, I was saying to you that I've had multiple friends in the last two to three years who've all experienced a, uh, miscarriage. And I talk to them, and I'll hear from them, and I see so much just stress, overwhelm, pressure, um, self-degradation, like, you know, just, um, negative self-talk. Like there's ... It's, it's, it's one of the hardest things to go through, even if everyone goes through it, as you say. Oh, not everyone, but so many people go through it. It doesn't make it any easier.
22. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
23. JSJay Shetty
  And often actually, like you said, it makes you so lonely that you don't wanna talk to anyone about it.
24. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
25. JSJay Shetty
  And it's, it's not comforting to know other people have gone through it.
26. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
27. JSJay Shetty
  And I wonder
1:42:15 – 1:50:25
Being Alone Time While Grieving
1. JSJay Shetty
  in that lonely phase, like, what was it that did help you? And even when your friend went through it, what allowed you to be there for each other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy?
2. THTaylor Hill
  I needed to be alone. Um, I needed to, like, I needed to feel it. I needed to-
3. JSJay Shetty
  Be alone
4. THTaylor Hill
  ... sit in it. I didn't wanna talk about it, um, because I didn't want... People wanna be there for you, and that's really special, and that's really helpful, but I didn't want people to be there for me yet. I wasn't ready for people to be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry," or, you know, 'cause people don't know what to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss. Sometimes I don't know what to say either.
5. JSJay Shetty
  Agreed.
6. THTaylor Hill
  I have no idea on s- how to react to some things still, having experienced my own version of grief. Um, how, how do you be there for somebody? It's a difficult thing. I mean, I didn't know how I needed, well, I didn't know what I needed from people. Um, I didn't wanna talk about it. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk to me about it or say things to me because I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. Um, and the way that I think I told people that were really, really close to me, really... My husband obviously knew because it happened to him too. Um, and my Two best friends knew, and the way that I feel like they were there for me because they didn't know what to say, they didn't say anything. They were there for me physically. They held me. They let me cry. I just sat there, and I cried and said nothing, and they just held my hand and were like, just sat there with me and, like, let me cry.
7. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
8. THTaylor Hill
  They didn't ask me questions. They didn't ask me how I felt. They didn't ask-
9. JSJay Shetty
  Mm.
10. THTaylor Hill
  They didn't say anything to me, like, they didn't say, "Everything happens for a reason. Don't worry. Like, you'll feel one day," da da da. They didn't go into that. I think because they know me so well, they probably knew that I didn't wanna hear that yet. They just were there, and they listened when I was ready to talk, and then because I wasn't ready, they just let me emote.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
12. THTaylor Hill
  And they just let me cry, and they cried, and I could tell because I was hurt, they were hurt. You know, my, my... When I finally got to my husband and we were together, he just held me. We both cried, and he just held me, and you know, I held him, too, because I think that's another thing is, another layer on top of it is even though it physically happened to me and emotionally was something that I experienced, it was, it, it was an individual experience to myself. Emotionally, it's something that, it's a loss that h- happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he would be having a child, so we were both grieving something. We were both grieving the loss of, of this. We were both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same time, and then immediately guilty because we felt relief, and then im- immediately anger because we felt guilt, and you know what I mean? [laughs] It's just, it's relentless, these emotions. When it's fresh, you know, you feel literally every single one that's on the rainbow. [laughs]
13. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
14. THTaylor Hill
  All the colors, we felt, we felt all of them. And I think when it's, when it was the very beginning, I think for me it was just holding pe- people holding me, you know, being in, just being in the space with me. They didn't have to say anything if they didn't know what to say, you know? And when we did sort of start talking about it, I w- I, we first started saying, "This sucks. I can't believe this is happening." Um, you know, it was if I was feeling angry, then they would be angry with me. If I was the, if I was sad, then they were sad with me. Um, so it was ama- they were amazing at being there for me in those ways. And you know, I think it is difficult to know what to say and how to be there for someone.
15. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
16. THTaylor Hill
  But I think following them and how they're reacting is also really good.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
18. THTaylor Hill
  Like, taking the cue from how they're responding is a good way to respond back to someone.
19. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
20. THTaylor Hill
  And, you know, checking in. You know, my, my friends that knew checked in with me, "How are you feeling today?" You know, and then if I didn't wanna talk about it, they were like, "Okay, let me know when you are ready." You know?
21. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, we're here.
22. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm. So just, you know, they were checking in, you know, making sure. And then, you know, s- my, my best friend, she, who she experienced this as well, she continues to check in with me, you know? This is three years later, and we still talk about it. "Oh my gosh, like, can you believe it? You would have a three-year-old." I'm like, "I know." And it's just we, we get to have these moments together of we would both have a three-year-old right now. That's... And we, we think about that, and we deal with that, and we grieve that, and we grieve the loss of that potential and that direction in life, you know? That thread that didn't-
23. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
24. THTaylor Hill
  ... happen in this path. So, um, female friendships are incredible, and they're beautiful, and I think it's really important for women to have women in their life that they can, they can go to, and they can talk to about these things because we can relate to each other in other ways that I think, you know, you, I couldn't get from my husband.
25. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
26. THTaylor Hill
  And being able to go to her was so special, um, and really helpful. So I just, I think also have patience with, with yourself, and if you know someone who's going through that, have patience with them because it's a rollercoaster. And you know, she was, my, my friend, she was going through this too, and I was feeling emotions, and I was feeling heartbroken because I know, 'cause she was heartbroken, so I was feeling emotions as well, and I just have to be patient because-
27. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
28. THTaylor Hill
  ... the, it, it's happening to her, so at her pace, at her time, when she's ready, when she wants to hear, when she wants to talk about it, we can. And we both kind of just, we both shared that understanding with each other.
29. JSJay Shetty
  Something powerful, really powerful that you said was, "I wasn't ready for someone to be there for me yet." And I think that's such a really remarkable insight. As I was listening to you, I was thinking often when we see people who are struggling, because their struggle causes us discomfort-
30. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
1:50:25 – 2:01:24
Emotional Support From Your Partner
1. JSJay Shetty
  one of the things that I've seen in, and you mentioned as well when we were talking, this idea about how there's so much pressure also on the couple.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
3. JSJay Shetty
  So there's, you're both individually dealing with loss and grief, but then there's like a dynamic that you go through-
4. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
5. JSJay Shetty
  ... with each other-
6. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
7. JSJay Shetty
  ... because you're both at different spaces of healing.
8. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
9. JSJay Shetty
  You're both at different timelines. The waves come differently. It's affected both of you, but then you're both trying to be there for each other. Like, it's quite a unique relation- uh, it's quite a unique situation.
10. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Walk us through how you navigated that overwhelming pressure and feeling together as well, and what did it take to, to reconnect? And I mean, I don't even think it's finding normalcy. It's like evolving, but-
12. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah, it did
13. JSJay Shetty
  ... what does that look like?
14. THTaylor Hill
  I mean, my husband is so kind. He's so, he's very, he's very gentle. He's very, um, he's very understanding. He, he knows I'm an emotional person. He knows I feel things deeply, um, he- like, heavily, and he knows that I, I, I was distraught, you know? I, he, he could see that I was ... I'm even, I'm even feeling it now, you know, just I, all these different things all at the same time. And, um, he's a supportive partner to me. Um, and I think what was really helpful for us was, you know, I think he had a really great understanding, and he's, he was so wonderful during those times for me. Um, he, I think for him, he understood, okay, this is something that ... He's like, "Okay, I'm, I'm feeling..." I also can't speak for him, obviously, because this, these is, this is his, these are his feelings and, and his journey as well. So I'm, as I'm saying this, it's more just like collectively what-
15. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
16. THTaylor Hill
  ... you know, we both went through.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
18. THTaylor Hill
  It was the shared experience that I'm, I'm touching on, um, and things that he did say and express to me. So, you know, I felt that he had a really great understanding of, you know, equal, the equal amount of heartbreak, of loss. You know, he was feeling that too, and we got, we had a shared experience in that. And I think he also had a really great understanding of this is physically happening to her as well as it e- is emotionally happening to her. He knew it would take me longer to gain perspective, to start my healing process, to, you know, be able to adjust or, you know, process my emotions-
19. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
20. THTaylor Hill
  ... just because I think, you know, he said to me, you know, "Whatever I feel like I'm feeling, I know you're feeling it tenfolds. I know what you're going through is a physical reaction in your body of change, and then the change of becoming pregnant, the change of losing that pregnancy, the, the emotional change from all of those things." So for us, it was really helpful that he was super understanding and, you know, he's really great at navigating emotion as well. Um, and I think it was helpful for me when he talked about it with me, when he would say things like, "Today is the day it happened," and he's reminding me, and he's the one talking about it, it makes me feel less alone that he still remembers it, that he still carries it with him. Because sometimes, you know, we m- just because it's, we've had some time and we've had some, some distance, I know I carry this with me forever. You know, I know I will because this happened to me in more ways than one, and I worry sometimes, you know, or, or I did that, well, maybe he won't feel that way. Like, maybe he'll move on faster. Maybe he'll forget about it. Maybe all of these things. And, and then you feel sad and, you know, different emotions around that, and like I know that that can be really complicated in a dynamic of loss, of they're moving on. "Oh, they're forgetting about this. They're not talking about this anymore." So for me, what was really helpful is because I know that he went through this too, I love that he checks in with me. I love that he talks about it with me. I love that he also says things like, "Can you believe we would maybe have had a three-year-old?" Oh my God, you think about that too?
21. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
22. THTaylor Hill
  It made me feel so seen, [laughs] like so heard, and that he sees me all the time, you know? He sees when people ... We've been married for almost a year now, so he sees when people make comments like, "Oh, when are you guys gonna have kids?" Or, "Are you thinking about having kids?"
23. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
24. THTaylor Hill
  And people ask, you know, it's a harmless question, and I understand why people ask it, and it's, it's, I'm not angry that people ask that question. I think it's part of society. You know, people wanna talk about it. You know, people are excited about having, starting families if we, we wanna start a family, which we do, and we've spoken with our friends that we would wanna have a family one day. So I understand why they're asking us those questions, but not everybody knows that- I went through this, and at that time, I mean, now maybe everybody, everybody will know I went through this, [laughs] but I wasn't ready for everybody to know that I was going through this, and I had to deal with those questions internally. And, um, it was painful to hear those questions. You know, people would make comments because a lot of my friends had babies during COVID, and everyone was like, "Oh," you know, everyone had all these babies, you know, during COVID, and everyone was getting pregnant, and I did, and I was pregnant, and I didn't have a baby. So I would hear comments like that. I would hear things like that. Oh, also people assume that maybe I have had a kid and they just don't know yet. "Oh, did, did you have a kid? Were you one of those girls during COVID that had a kid?" And I'm like, " [sighs] Oh, God. I know what you mean when you're saying that, but, uh, you have no idea. No, I'm, I'm not, I guess I'm not." Um, so he would sort of see me and, like, see that I was dealing with that internally and trying to process socializing and, you know, navigating these, um, comments because it's nobody's fault that they're asking it, you know? It's, it's just normal. It's just life, right? So I have to, I do have to grow from this. I have to be able to handle this. I have to be able to talk about this again. I do have to be able to be okay, and I, I wasn't always okay, and I think he saw that I wasn't always okay, and I could tell that he was hurt when I was hurt. I could tell that he, he was feeling what I was feeling, you know? And I also shared it with him, too, because n- people can't read your mind. You know, this is my partner. This is my life partner. Um, this is the person that I've decided that I wanna spend life with and do life with, so I have to do life with them, right? So I have to make a point to share, "Today I'm feeling extra bad because it's the week of my miscarriage. It's the anniversary week. I'm not gonna feel good this week." You know, I say that. I express that. He cannot read my mind. He has no idea what I'm feeling unless I'm saying it. So, you know, I, it's a two-way street, um, that I share with him and that he sees me, and he understands me, so, and he does. He's really great at understanding how I emote, you know, my tells, my, you know, f- physical things that maybe I do where he's like, "She's nervous. She's upset. I can tell she's holding back tears right now." He helps m- remove me from said situation. You know, so, um, learning each other and sharing with each other, and he, he knows those things, and he, he's, he's been able to learn those things because I've shared them with him, and I've shown him and told him and vice versa. He's shared with me and told me and shown me, um, how I can care and love and be there for him. So, um, I think just for a, a couple in this scenario n- however you're dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or a child, because I know people conceive in many different ways, and there's a lot of stress in, in starting a family on, on multiple different types of relationships and partners and spouses and how you're going about it and how you're dealing with and what you're going through and, and, you know, what you're doing with each other and how your, uh, the, your journey with, with that is, um, is unique to you, to, to your, both of your situations. And the way that you guys m- communicate with each other is, is important and, and learning each other and t- asking for something is, there's no, there's nothing wrong with asking for something, and then they're able to adjust and do that for you.
25. JSJay Shetty
  Mm.
26. THTaylor Hill
  So I feel like that's something that I've learned as well is being open and making sure I'm sharing and, you know, he's really great at just innately, because we've known each other and we're, we're, we love each other. He's, he's good at, you know, knowing and figuring out those little things that I do for himself and just seeing me. But also, I've shared a lot with him, and he listens, and he adapts, and he changes for, those things for me and does those things for me. So, um, I think that communication is probably the number one most important thing and also the most [laughs] difficult thing. I know communicating is so difficult. How do you be vulnerable? How do you share these things? Am I ready to talk about this? Do I wanna say this? And, you know, I, I don't know. I think just say it and, and, and ask for it and communicate it because, again, you know, they might may have no idea that that's even going on in your head, and they have something completely different going on in their head. [laughs]
27. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, no, it's, it's so true, and I appreciate you sharing that because I think a lot of people are both dealing with the grief, and then they're dealing with the loss of the relationship they had-
28. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
29. JSJay Shetty
  ... and the one they thought they were gonna have when they had a child together as well.
30. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
2:01:24 – 2:08:02
Everyone’s Journey is Different
1. JSJay Shetty
  like, where, where, how do you re-find the confidence to want to think about a family again and try again? Because I f- and I ask it very sincerely and sensis- sensitively, thinking about people listening who are like, "I don't think I can ever try again 'cause it was so painful." And that's generally a human reaction to pain. "If it was so painful, I can't go there again."
2. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
3. JSJay Shetty
  "Yet I have this desire to have a family." Like, how, how for you do you know when you're ready to think about it again even or open up to the idea?
4. THTaylor Hill
  I know I want one. I, I don't think I've, I don't think I'm there yet. I haven't, I don't know actually if I've confronted that f- for myself.
5. JSJay Shetty
  Mm.
6. THTaylor Hill
  You know? I don't think I've, I've gone there where one day I'm gonna be trying to have a family and- You know, maybe that stick is gonna say pregnant. Is it gonna bring back all these emotions, and how am I gonna deal with that again? Oh, gosh, I have no idea because, you know, I'm not there yet. I'm, I'm still not ready for a child, and I'm, and I'm not ready to think about it, and I'm not ready to start having a family, and I don't know when that is. And, you know, a lot of people who've had children are like, "You'll never know. The timing's never right," all this stuff, and everyone's journey is different.
7. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
8. THTaylor Hill
  And that I, I, I have no plan. I have no timeline of when I'm gonna s- start a family, when I'm gonna do that, how I'm gonna do it. I, I don't know.
9. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
10. THTaylor Hill
  And I also have no idea what I'm about to confront when I start trying again, you know? Is it gonna be really easy? Am I gonna have... Is it gonna be fine? Did this scenario happen to me simply because of the IUD, or will I experience this again? Because, you know, a pregnancy is, is a new organism in your body. It's like a, technically a, I don't know, it's, I could only, I think of it maybe as almost like a bacteria that's like-
11. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
12. THTaylor Hill
  ... it's introducing, like, a new thing inside of your body, and, um, a miscarriage is a rejection of that, your body being like, "That shouldn't be here. What is this? This is new." And sometimes it, it takes time to adju- your body has to be like, "Oh, that's what that is." So maybe it takes a couple tries and, you know, that's why your body's doing that. I don't know why m- my body did that. Probably the IUD most likely. If doctors are listening, they'll probably be like, "Oh, it's the IUD. That's why." I was like, "Okay, okay, fine. That's why." But, um, I, I guess I'll sort of, I, maybe I'll be able to speak on that more when I'm-
13. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
14. THTaylor Hill
  ... in, in the head space of actively trying or if and when I do have a child, like, to be able to touch on that again, but I think I'm nervous. [laughs] You know, I'm, I do have fears about getting to that stage in my life, and I'm worried about what I'm gonna start feeling when, um, I am pregnant again. I want to enjoy the process. I want to be, you know, excited. I want to feel all of those things, but unfortunately because of what I've, I went through, I know that in the beginning I won't.
15. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
16. THTaylor Hill
  I'll feel fear. I'm gonna be afraid. I know I'm gonna be scared. I know I'm gonna have, like, a- anxiety about it until who knows when, maybe the entire pregnancy. I don't know. But, um, I know I've been through this before. I, I know I can handle this. I'm stronger because of this. If it happens to me again, I'm gonna be okay. Um, you know, look at how far I've come. Look at what I, h- how I handled this, like, what we went through. Like, I n- I have confidence in that at least, but I, I also, I, I have no idea what, what that-
17. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
18. THTaylor Hill
  ... is gonna look like for me until I start doing that or until it happens. So, you know, I would s- I, I would say for me w- how I can rationalize it is I'm stronger because of this. I've handled, I've, I've been through this, this thing, and I've, I've dealt with something that was really difficult for me personally to, to go through, and I came out the other side. Whether or not I'm fully done yet, we don't know. We'll, we'll figure it out when we get there, but right now all I can say is I feel confident that I'll, I'm gonna, I know I'm gonna be okay no matter what. I'm gonna be okay. I can get through anything. I can do this. Like, I have a great support in my husband, in my family, in my friends. They were all there for me. They showed their love and support. I was there for me. I was there for myself. I showed up, you know? So I know I can show up for myself. I know I can be there. I know I can pick myself back up again and start walking and make it, you know, make those steps towards healing again. So we're resilient as people, as, as humans, and having faith in our resilience and in our strength and, and in our ability to find healing and find growth, I think we forget and we doubt ourselves sometimes that we can do that.
19. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
20. THTaylor Hill
  We can do, we can get through that.
21. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm. Thank you for such an honest answer.
22. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
23. JSJay Shetty
  I feel like, I feel like a lot of people w- will be able to resonate and connect with that, this idea of, "I don't know. I'll see when I get there. Don't even know if I'm ready to answer that question." And I think, I think people listening to that will feel a sense of relief because I think that naturally, again, like you said, when, when you go through it, you have to get into tactical mode of how do we make sure it's done and clean and everything's okay.
24. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
25. JSJay Shetty
  And then we get into, "Okay, how do I start?" And it's, you almost don't give yourself that space.
26. THTaylor Hill
  Mm.
27. JSJay Shetty
  So thank you so much for giving everyone space by even having that answer. It's, it's really beautiful and powerful to hear. Taylor, you've been so, uh, gracious and kind with your time today, with your energy-
28. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
29. JSJay Shetty
  ... with your soul. Like, I really feel like you've let us in, which is so kind. I really hope you feel we've honored Tate, uh, and given a chance for you to express your love for Tate-
30. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
2:08:02 – 2:18:15
Building the Tate and Taylor Brand
1. JSJay Shetty
  us through how you see that evolution for yourself of coming from an industry and a space that is defined by these external things of looks and age and fitness and everything, and then finding your path through that now.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah, I think, you know, they really play such a big role with each other. I think why I even wanted to start Tate & Taylor and start a business and be in the pet space, obviously I have a huge passion for animals and dogs. Like, this is so much more to me than just a company. I'm doing this because this is absolutely 100%, like, the thing I love most in the world is my dog Tate, and my dog Salem I have now, too. And w- they're just so incredible and amazing, and they change, they've changed my life in so many ways, and even Salem now has impacted my life in so many different ways than Tate did, and I'm so excited about the journey and the, the life that I'm gonna live with him, and the things he's about to teach me and show me. And I don't think I would even be able to know how to do that and build something with intention and purpose if I hadn't had my career before, you know? I started, um, modeling when I was 14. I don't have a traditional education in, in that sense, but I've learned so much from, from my job and from working at a young age and traveling the world and having so many experiences. I feel like I learned by, by doing, and m- you know, by being able to see how things work and, you know, people producing fashion collections and watching them make the clothes on me to walking in the fashion show and seeing how things are done is, uh, really interesting. And being a part of a f- of, of a photo shoot and all the different areas, and everyone has a different job, and seeing how it all comes together and how everybody works and all the puzzle pieces kind of like, you know, I'm, as I'm sure you know, it's just, like... It's interesting, and there's a lot of different, um, layers to what goes into something like a photo shoot or, you know, a campaign or a video or a movie or, you know, um, a fashion show. And it was really fun and exciting for me to witness and, and see those things and do those things. And, you know, I think modeling has been, uh, it is a lot about, um... It is about physically what I look like, 100%. Like, I am a model because of how I look. I know that. So it's an interesting thing to go from, you know, I, I'm here because of how I look, but also I feel like after a certain extent, I'm still here because of who I am, and I'm still here, and people, um, continue, hopefully, to work with me because we have fun together and we build relationships and they get to know me, and it becomes more than just this, you know, surface transaction of she looks a certain way, she fits the bill physically of what we're looking for, so we're gonna book her. I think after 14 years, you know, you start knowing people and establishing relationships and becoming friends with people in the industry, and then people wanna work with you because they like you. They like hanging out with you. You're f- it's, it's like a lot of industries, you know what I mean? The more you are in it, the more you do it, the more friends you make, the more connections you feel like you have with people, and the less it becomes about how you look, and it becomes a lot about who you are, actually. Like, the, the, my interpretation of my career in modeling, I feel like it's been with people that I enjoy working with, and I get to work with them again and again and again, and I love that. I love that I now know so many people in the industry, and every time I get a call sheet, not every time, but- [laughs] ... I get these call sheets and I see who's gonna be on set, and I'm like, "Oh my God, I haven't seen this person in, you know, however many years, and I'm so excited to work with them again and do that." So to me, it, it's, maybe it starts off that way, and, and modeling is, is about the way that I look and, and how I physically am, but then I think it becomes a lot deeper than that. So, you know, people establishing those connections with me has, like, taught me how to, to grow and, and, you know, and change, and just they've taught me so much about life and different, different backgrounds and different people and different things. So, um, you know, I learned so much from it, and I've grown so much from it. And, um, you know, wanting to start my own business, I feel like I'm able to do that because of everything that I've done in, in my modeling career, and I really just, I see them so much a part of each other. And I want to be in the pet space and have this, this business because it's something that I also love to do. Like, I love my job. I love modeling, and I really believe in pursuing things that you love to do. And, you know, maybe I won't be a model forever. I have no idea because it's, um, it's not a very consistent lifestyle. As much as I love it, I'm... You never know. I, you know, I just got a text message today that I'm going to Paris on Thursday. So, you know, maybe if when I do start trying to have a family, and if I have a family and my family is growing and growing and growing or, you know, I have all these hopes and dreams to have a fa- a big family, it'll be more difficult to do my modeling career to the extent that I'm doing it now. And I, I also love dogs, and I love my dog, and I love, you know, animals, and I love that people love their animals, and I wanted to create something that I wish existed with my life and my journey and path with Tate. And I'm creating something that I really want and need with Salem- Mm-hmm ... my, my new dog now that I rescued and... 'Cause we're going through so many different things, and I'm so excited to, you know, have, be able to build on the experience I've had from modeling and apply it to what I'm- Absolutely ... doing now with Tate & Taylor and build something with purpose, build something with, you know, meaning, something that I'm passionate about doing, something that I love. It's, it's my lifestyle. [laughs] It's, you know, s- I'm that crazy dog lady that every time I see a dog on the street, I'm like, "Hello. How are you? Nice to meet you. What's your name?" I just, I love dogs, and- I love animals in general, too. So I, I really think that dogs are connectors, and I've met a lot of people and had so many amazing, interesting conversations because of our dogs. If you're out walking your dog and people stop you, "Oh my God, what kind of dog is that? Oh my God, he's so beautiful. Is, you know, are they a boy or are they a girl? What's their name?" And, and you, and the next thing you know, you're having a full-blown conversation-
3. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
4. THTaylor Hill
  ... with a complete and total stranger. But I feel like I'm in a safe space, you know?
5. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
6. THTaylor Hill
  It's, it's really interesting, and I, as a, a shy, I started out really shy and kind of an introverted person. Having Tate, everybody loved him. People were like, "Oh my God, that's the cutest dog I've ever seen." And I, I had to open up. I had to have conversations with people, and he helped me do that, and he helped me connect with people. And, you know, w- someone that, um, works with me on Tate & Taylor I met through Tate in my building, you know, because we had, like, a doggy playdate group chat in the building and she invited us and, you know-
7. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
8. THTaylor Hill
  ... our dogs were playing and we connected, and now she's helping me, you know, build, um, build Tate & Taylor. So I love dogs. I think that there's, they're just amazing and, and they're connectors, and it's something that I, I love so much and find so much joy in, and I hope that people, you know, receive that and see that and, um, are excited about it because, you know, I'm really passionate about how I take care of my dog and the, the love I wanna give him. I wanna give, give him the best life possible because they're not with us forever, as you know, I, I know very well, and I wanna cherish every single second I possibly can with them. And I know so many pet, pet people and people who have pets want, want that as well. And, you know, there's definitely a lack of, uh, community-
9. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
10. THTaylor Hill
  ... I think, in the pet industry. There is community, but there's not, like, a place, I feel like there, there wasn't a place to go for information, to connect to other people, and I really hope to build that and grow Tate & Taylor into something where people feel like, "This is happening to me and I don't know what to do." Maybe we can help you figure that out.
11. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
12. THTaylor Hill
  So that's sort of the intention in doing what we're doing. You know, we have the, the online store. We're, like, curating products. We're looking for amazing founders and brands and people who are doing innovative things in the pet space with, whether that's treats that are with really great, great quality. We have women-owned businesses. I love the idea of supporting women and, um, you know, young, cool entrepreneurs doing really interesting things and maybe helping do that together and giving them a, a space and a platform to showcase and talk about their product and why it's great and, and why it's different and, you know, help them sort of just, like, share what they're doing with the world because there's so many passionate, you know, entrepreneurs out there who are starting these companies in the pet space, and they're so dedicated, and they have s- just as much passion and love as I do for their dogs. And, and they've gone through something completely different than maybe I've gone through with Tate, you know? So it's really interesting to be able to, um, speak with businesses and speak with, you know, founders about why they started their company, what their goal and what their mission and their drive is, why they're doing what they're doing, you know, challenges they've faced as women in the industry, as, you know, um, just an entre- being an entrepreneur in general. There's, there's so many things that, you know, we're, we would, we wanna touch on in, in that space that I think there's just... I felt like it wasn't there when I was going through that with Tate, you know, and I really wanna create that for people and, and bring people together and have it be fun and, you know, really easy and exciting, you know, to care and, like, find cool products and great, and things that work that-
13. JSJay Shetty
  Mm
14. THTaylor Hill
  ... that, you know, we like for our pets. So yeah. [laughs]
15. JSJay Shetty
  That's a really powerful-
16. THTaylor Hill
  Hard stop. Hold on. [laughs]
17. JSJay Shetty
  No, it's a really powerful intention and powerful mission, and it's, it's so clear and evident, and I feel like you're gonna revolutionize the pet space. It's-
18. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
19. JSJay Shetty
  ... it's, it's obvious that your, your drive and passion is true. And
2:18:15 – 2:22:11
A Brand for a Cause
1. JSJay Shetty
  a couple of lessons I took away just listening to you, one was this idea, I think we live in a world where when we discover something we're passionate about, we like to discount our past experience and make it seem like, "Oh, now I've found it. Whatever I did before was kind of like it was there, but now I've found it."
2. THTaylor Hill
  Mm.
3. JSJay Shetty
  And what I love hearing about from you, and, and I definitely resonate with what you said, it's like actually every stage of your career unlocks the opportunity, the ability, the ideas, the resources, the connectivity to do the next thing.
4. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
5. JSJay Shetty
  And I think if anyone out there is right now, you're listening and you're going, "I hate my job. I hate where I am. I don't like what I'm doing," I promise you there's some skill or some lesson or some person or some contact that you met through that that could help you-
6. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah
7. JSJay Shetty
  ... build the next part of yourself. And overall, your, your business and your venture and this direction you've gone in is truly a journey of pain to purpose-
8. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm
9. JSJay Shetty
  ... of passion to purpose, of using your platform for a purpose.
10. THTaylor Hill
  Mm-hmm.
11. JSJay Shetty
  And I think that it's such a beautiful example that so many of us, no matter what our pains are, what our stresses are, what our challenges are, that we can transform them into an offering to help other people who are going through the same thing.
12. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
13. JSJay Shetty
  You know?
14. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah. I, uh, uh, building a brand with, um, with intention, I think, and with a purpose to give back and help, I think is really important and something that, especially in the pet space, I felt was lacking because there's so many areas I would love to tap into out, you know, just beyond the, um, y- cancer funding and, um, maybe even cancer research and getting into that and understanding why and how and, you know, and as well as rescue. You know, we work with rescue organizations, and my Salem, my, my dog Salem is a rescue and, and that's an experience that he's been teaching me about and something that I want, I want to make a change and make an impact in. I think for me with Tate & Taylor, the most important thing about this business is using it to make- Make an impact and do good things with it, and, and use it to help people and help others and help dogs, you know, help people who have dogs or, you know, hopefully animals, pets in general. We're, we'll get there one day.
15. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
16. THTaylor Hill
  We'll g- if you have an iguana, great, maybe we'll be able to help you with that. I don't know.
17. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
18. THTaylor Hill
  Um, who knows where it's gonna go? That's what's so exciting. It's so new and it's so fresh. And right now, we're dogs right now, so I'm obviously talking about dogs because that's what we are doing currently. Um, I do have the hope and the optimism and the intention to wanna do as much as I possibly can. Um, but, you know, I'm gonna focus on one thing, and then we can start growing from there and building on top of that. So, um, in the pet space, there's just so much that I wanna do and so much I want to accomplish, and I want to be able to build something that, that helps-
19. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm
20. THTaylor Hill
  ... most importantly.
21. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
22. THTaylor Hill
  And that does give back and that does have a drive and does have a cause because there is a drive and there is a cause and there is a reason behind everything that I'm doing, and it's Tate. It's dedicated to him.
23. JSJay Shetty
  Mm-hmm.
24. THTaylor Hill
  It's dedicated to everything he taught me, the love I know he has for me, the love I have for him, and it's for everyone who's ever felt that way about a dog or a pet in their life. It's a dedication to that. It's a dedication to that feeling and knowing you wanna take care of something. You love something so deeply, so do we. We know that feeling. We understand that. And we wanna make something and build something with you that is impactful and, and meaningful and helpful and connective, and hopefully we can, you know, build a great community and m- m- and have incredible resources for people. So, you know, we're, this is just the beginning of our, of our journey with, with it, and I'm really, really [laughs] excited about it, so.
25. JSJay Shetty
  Well, congratulations, Taylor, and we end every episode
2:22:11 – 2:25:32
Taylor on Final Five
1. JSJay Shetty
  of On Purpose with a Fast Five, which have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
2. THTaylor Hill
  Oh my God.
3. JSJay Shetty
  Uh-
4. THTaylor Hill
  I talk a lot.
5. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs] Before we do that, let me get-
6. THTaylor Hill
  You might have noticed from that. [laughs]
7. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So-
8. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
9. JSJay Shetty
  ... Taylor Hill, these are your Final Five.
10. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
11. JSJay Shetty
  Uh, question one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
12. THTaylor Hill
  Best advice is do what you love and the rest will come. My dad told me that.
13. JSJay Shetty
  Great answer. All right, question number two: What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
14. THTaylor Hill
  Maybe, uh, if you ignore it, it'll go away or something.
15. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah, that's a good one.
16. THTaylor Hill
  Yeah.
17. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
18. THTaylor Hill
  That's absolutely not true. [laughs]
19. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs] Good answer. Uh, question number three: What's the first thing you do every morning and the last thing you do every night?
20. THTaylor Hill
  Well, I'm really not a morning person, so first thing in the morning, I'm like, "Ugh, why am I awake?"
21. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
22. THTaylor Hill
  "What's that alarm? Why? What's happening?" I'm very disoriented first thing in the morning. Um, and I think I drink coffee. I need, I need to have a cup of coffee. I'm not a morning person. And then at night, I love snuggling with my dog, uh, kissing Salem, and in the past, I, you know, kissing Tate, having our goodnight cuddles. Um, you know, with, if I'm at home with my husband... This is more than one sentence. I've already failed.
23. JSJay Shetty
  [laughs]
24. THTaylor Hill
  You know, saying good night and, you know, having ti- like, you know, our connection with-
25. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah
26. THTaylor Hill
  ... with him.
27. JSJay Shetty
  Yeah.
28. THTaylor Hill
  [laughs]
29. JSJay Shetty
  Uh, question number four: What's something you learned lately? Something, a skill that you picked up, a, a lesson that you learned recently.
30. THTaylor Hill
  Not that recent, but lately, I've been learning how to cook and doing it better.