How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator

How do you raise a good communicator? How do you teach kids to be kind but not a pushover? And what actually matters when it comes to parenting? In this episode, I’m sitting down with the two people who shaped my life the most—my parents. This is a personal one. But whether you're a parent, thinking about becoming one, or just curious about how childhood shapes the way we communicate, I think you’ll take something valuable away from this conversation. This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Upgrade Your Every Day. Get 40% off at cozyearth.com/jefferson or use code JEFFERSON at check out. https://cozyearth.com/pages/jefferson Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review! Order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/book Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/topic Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter. https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/newsletter Join my School of Communication. https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/membership Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskjefferson?lang=en Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffersonfisher/

Jefferson Fisher's fatherguest

Feb 25, 202550mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

50 min read · 9,950 words

0:00 – 2:01
Jefferson brings on his first-ever guests: his parents
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm gonna ask you to please follow this podcast, and if you would, leave a review. My new book, The Next Conversation, is out to order. You can find the links there in the show notes, as well as my School of Communication and Membership. Today, I am ... I cannot be any more excited to be speaking and bringing to you some people that mean the absolute world to me, where it all started, and that would be my parents. Hey, Mom.
2. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Hello.
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  Hey, Mama. Hey, Dad. How are y'all?
4. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Doing great.
5. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Good.
6. JFJefferson Fisher
  Awesome. I wanna ... Uh, are y'all comfortable? You're all good?
7. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  We're good.
8. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  You bet.
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  So for anybody listening, this is the very first time I've ever had a guest, and so I wanna make sure that my first guest that I ever have was going to be y'all-
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Aww
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... and, uh, make sure that this was, uh, important to me and that y'all knew how much I loved y'all and how thankful I am for everything you've done for me. Uh, this is the very first time I've had guests, so we're just gonna m- make it work. The ... Anybody listening, they know how my style is and they know that this is just a, a casual conversation. There's none of this that is pre-done or set up. Y'all really don't have any idea- [laughs]
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
13. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  No
14. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... what I was gonna ask you.
15. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  No.
16. JFJefferson Fisher
  Uh, and Mom, you look beautiful. I know you were worried-
17. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Thank you
18. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... about what y'all are gonna wear. Y- y'all did, you did great.
19. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I thank you.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  I wore whatever she tells me to wear.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, that's a good idea.
22. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah, pretty much.
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. Um, so I wanna make sure we're, we're all good and comfortable, and, uh, so I have some, have some questions. There's some that I, I pulled from people that, uh, follow my content that I put out on social media, and I, I also had some of my own. So I want to ... Here's my, my plan for this, is for anybody listening, we're gonna talk a few things about Jefferson, 'cause I know there's some curiosity of, how did this guy get so weird about [laughs] communication? And on this other
2:01 – 3:52
Parenting intentions before kids: faith, respect, and praying for “charisma”
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  end of making sure that we're giving very practical solutions and techniques of how y'all raised me and my siblings. I'm the oldest of four, for anybody that doesn't know. How y'all, um, kind of laid the strategy for how you wanted to be parents. So I'm gonna ask right at the outset is what was the main themes and thoughts and hopes and prayers before you had children, before you had me to anybody out there that is hoping to have children or they have very new kids, what were some of the things that was very important to, to y'all?
2. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Sherlyn, you go with that one.
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. This is my mama, Sherlyn.
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Sherlyn.
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, Sherlyn.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  I've always called her Mama, so she-
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... yeah
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... he always calls me Mama.
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. [laughs]
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Um, well, of course you always want your children, um, to love the Lord and, um, to be respectful and kind and, um ... But I do remember praying for you that, that God would give you, um, charisma.
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
14. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  And I feel like he answered that in spades for you.
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs]
16. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. And what do you think it is about the ... with charisma? How, how do you, how do you define that?
18. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Charisma to me is where somebody just ... You're very likable and they like you and they don't even realize why they like you.
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
20. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  But they just know they like you.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
22. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  That God would just give you favor wherever you went. And, um, you ha- always had lots of friends and-
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
24. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... um, and your teachers loved you.
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
26. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  So, uh, you know, I, I feel like he answered that.
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. I, I, I feel like it's a, um ... The people that are charismatic are, tend to be very warm.
28. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes.
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  It's just something about them that you-
30. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah
3:52 – 6:13
Early communication development: nonstop talking and the “mirror behind the couch”
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Well, I feel like y- I mean, you had, when until Sarah, my sister, was born-
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... uh, it was just me and you-
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... really for f- for four years.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Absolutely.
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  So how ... I mean, that, that's a very pivotal time-
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  It is
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... now that I can-
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I spent a lot of time with you one on one.
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  And how, how, how was that? [laughs]
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You wore me out. You talked-
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs]
14. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
15. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  [laughs]
16. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
17. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Uh, you talked 24/7.
18. JFJefferson Fisher
  Did I?
19. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  From the time your eyes opened to the time they closed. You, um, talked to me all day long.
20. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
21. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  He was, he was born talking.
22. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
23. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes. Yes.
24. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
25. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  In fact, I remember when I put you in Mother's Day Out, I had to fill out on their form, um, when did your child first start talking, and I put, "As long as I can remember."
26. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs]
27. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  And, 'cause I was serious. I was like, "When did he ... It's been as long as I can remember." Yes.
28. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
29. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I'm sure by eight months you were saying one words, you know. Um, and then by a year, I had a whole list of 20-plus words you were saying, and by 15 months you were saying sentences.
30. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. And, uh, I remember a, a mirror-
6:13 – 9:06
Dad’s bedtime stories and the power of blessing kids with words
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right. I'm with you. Dad, I wanna make sure and ask.
2. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Yeah.
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  This is my dad, David.
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Hello.
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  What did, um- For you, I, I'm gonna kind of pose that same question. What were some of your goals before having, um, kids and me come into the world as a just ... For any, uh, uh, not just because it was me, but because any child. You're, you're now a father. Uh, what were some of the main themes?
6. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  I can't think of any goals that I had before, but I do remember specifically praying over you as, as a child, as an infant, before we go to, you go to bed. And we'd always, you know, we'd tell stories, and, um, usually I'd put you in the story where you were the hero. You know, the-
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm
8. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... Prince Jefferson was gonna-
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm
10. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... come save Queen-
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs]
12. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... Sherilyn from the dragon, you know?
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
14. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  So-
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  I remember those
16. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... you, you loved ... Oh, you'd just giggle and laugh. You loved those kind of stories. But the thing that I really remember and I believe has been a, a moving force in your life is I'd pray, say, "Dear God, give Jefferson wisdom and always be his friend."
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
18. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And that's how we ended prayers.
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And he's done that.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
22. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And I-
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
24. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... and I believe that, and I think it's so important for parents to bless their children, say good things-
25. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes
26. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... over them. Speak good things over them.
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm.
28. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Don't ... I've seen other parents, you know, where they say, "Oh, you're a little monster. You're a little meanie." Or ... No, no. Just speak kindness over them. Speak-
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm
30. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... encouraging words, things that build them up of what you want them to be.
9:06 – 11:04
Becoming the oldest sibling: protective leadership and “interpreting” for younger kids
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. Now, I am also curious, I'm gonna ask this to Mom. Uh, Mama, what do you, how did you see the dynamic between once ... So I'm the oldest of four.
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  There's Sarah, Johnathan, Jacob. Once Sarah was born-
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... Johnathan, Jacob, you know, how did you see me being from, you know, a, a, a one child, um, by myself to now kind of taking on this role as brother, and how, how did you feel like you saw, uh, that develop in me in little things maybe you saw in communication? And the reason why is I'm asking is so that anybody listening can spot some things of, like, how they saw the oldest child versus the youngest child and how you saw some of those dynamics change in, in our house.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Well, when I was pregnant with Sarah, um, I just didn't want you to feel left out, and I remember s- telling you when I was pregnant, "This is gonna be your baby sister."
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm.
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  "She's gonna be your baby sister." And you were so excited when she was born and very protective of her and, um, very proud. I don't feel like you were ever jealous of her. And, um, I feel like with each one you just kind of just enlarged your brother, big brother role.
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You were always very kind, um, very protective of them. And, uh, even with Sarah, she was a kind of a late talker because you talked for her. [laughs]
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs] Yeah. Yeah.
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  She would point, and you'd go, "Mama, she wants this."
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, and then when Johnathan-
14. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  That's right
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... same thing.
16. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh-
17. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  You'd interpret for him.
18. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
20. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Johnathan, my young- younger brother Johnathan couldn't say his vowels very well, and so, um-
22. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Or his consonants
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... consonants. Thank you.
24. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Con- he couldn't say his-
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Consonants
26. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... we called him the Vowel Man.
27. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  The first, the first consonant of every word he dropped off.
28. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. That's exactly right.
29. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  We called him our Vowel Man.
30. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, and that's, that was what he did.
11:04 – 14:54
Kindness as a household rule: respect, tone, and zero tolerance for name-calling
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  There's a theme that I, I pick up on, and I'm sure anybody who's listening senses this from you, Mama, and is just the kindness. I, I don't know-
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Oh, well, that's sweet of you
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... a single person or human that does not like Mama.
4. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Mm.
5. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Oh, that's sweet of you.
6. JFJefferson Fisher
  Uh, and so you've always radiated kindness.
7. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Thank you, Jefferson.
8. JFJefferson Fisher
  And ... Yeah, of course. And I got to see a lot of that growing up 'cause I can remember coming and saying that somebody had done something that made me upset, and I'd bring it to you to complain, and you'd say, "Well, were you kind?"
9. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
10. JFJefferson Fisher
  And [laughs] I'd say, "But, but Mom, you don't understand. The guy..." And you didn't, you wouldn't have any of it. You'd just say, "Well, I, I think you should be kind." I mean, that was, that was the whole, uh, outlook from that. So what, how do you see kindness, and, uh, w- what does it mean to you? How do you, how do you like to put it out into the world? What's your secret?
11. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Oh, goodness, I don't know if there is a secret, but kindness matters.
12. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
13. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  And, um, I'd, I just ... You've always had such a sweet heart. You had a very sweet heart. Um, I think you were naturally kind. But, um, I wouldn't let y'all be rude and ugly to each other when y'all-
14. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
15. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... were fighting. I, I wouldn't let you name call or any of that. I would say, "No, y'all are gonna be sweet to each other."
16. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Had a zero tolerance for unkindness-
17. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah
18. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... among the siblings.
19. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I know.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Yeah.
21. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You weren't gonna do that.
22. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. Well, I mean, you had a... I, I can remember there was, there was... It was very early on, for people listening, in the South, it's, "Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am." That is a sign of respect and manners, and, um, if you said it, you expected that to be it.
23. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes. Like-
24. JFJefferson Fisher
  And so-
25. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... I didn't really like a lot of arguing. I'd just say, "All I need to hear is 'Yes, ma'am.'"
26. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. That's, that's-
27. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  All I wanna hear is, "Yes, ma'am."
28. JFJefferson Fisher
  That's very true.
29. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
30. JFJefferson Fisher
  I think I just got [laughs] ... I think I just had PTSD for a second.
14:54 – 17:42
Conflict modeling in marriage: arguing privately, reconciling visibly
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, ev- every single time. I wanna, uh, turn gears a little bit to specifically conflict and arguments. I remember in y'all's, in, in growing up in our house, y'all really did not argue in front of us. I mean, there were s- just normal spats-
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... but when it came to serious arguing, y'all did it in y'all's room, 'cause I can remember, like, keeping the kids away.
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  Like, "Nope, Mom and Dad are talking. Y'all-
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... go down the hall. Let's-"
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Right.
9. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Yeah.
10. JFJefferson Fisher
  "Let's, you know, uh, go entertain them for whatever." And then, or if it was late at night, you know, after the kids-
11. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
12. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... go to bed, and I was older, so it wasn't like, um... And it wasn't that big of a house. I mean, if y'all were talking seriously-
13. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
14. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... you could hear voices, but I didn't know what y'all were saying.
15. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
16. JFJefferson Fisher
  Um, outside of when we were in the car, I mean, of course, if you're late, late for church-
17. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah
18. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... everybody's just, yeah, yeah.
19. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Waiting.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Taking off on, on vacation.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, on vacation, for sure. Then, then you have to hear an argument. But I'm-
22. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  [laughs]
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... uh, I'm curious on y'all's take about, for people who are just rethinking how they saw arguments happen in their life, I'm curious how you saw it with your parents, um, and how that shaped, you know, h- how y'all did it with us, specifically conflict.
24. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Well, I know with my parents, they didn't argue in front of us very often. They did the same thing, back in the, in the bedroom rule.
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
26. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And I think that's a really good policy, and the truth is because if you get into a heated argument in front of the kids-
27. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
28. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... they almost always blame themselves.
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  Oh, yeah.
30. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  What, what did I do wrong?
17:42 – 22:18
Apologizing in front of kids: “I was wrong” as strength
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  And so, uh, one thing y'all were so good at that I know I've applied to my marriage is y'all are very quick to forgive. Y'all are very quick to say, "I'm sorry."
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  And I, I think that ha- plays a big role in how long the argument lasts.
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Right.
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  Because if you just, for people who withhold that apology-
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... like, they, they use it almost as a punishment-
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... in a way when they're withholding that.
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Right.
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  But I, I absolutely agree that, though, on the flip side, having knockdown, drag-out arguments is not healthy. At the same time, you want to see, you want the kids to see you come to resolution.
12. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Right. Right.
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  But I've, I've had that, too, where it is- Um, my son thinks that he did something wrong-
14. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... when we're arguing, or he'll say, I, I'm... Or, or he'll mistake just banter-
16. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... and playful banter as argument-
18. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Right
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... as conflict, and we kind of have to say, "No, no, no, we're not, we're not arguing."
20. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Disagreement.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
22. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  And so, and I think some kids are very perceptive of that-
24. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... more sensitive to that. And my daughter could really care less-
26. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... what we're, eh, but Son is-
28. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Some are more sensitive
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... especially in tune with what we're talking about. I mean, and you remember, um, I won't, I won't, I'm not gonna say his name, but I was, I grew up, uh, with a friend who lived not too far down the street.
30. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
22:18 – 29:49
Parents react to Jefferson’s social media rise—and recognize the same communicator
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. That's, and that's very true. Um, when you see now kind of where this whole thing has taken in my life, just the whole social media thing, um, hell, I'm, I'm curious, this is, this is, a- aside from communication advice for a second, because I get this question of, you know, what do your parents think? Uh, usually what Sierra thinks, what's the family think, what do y'all think-
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... about all of this stuff when I first told y'all, like, [laughs] "Hey, I'm having some people follow me on social-
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  On TikTok, yeah
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... uh, on, on social media," and then you've continued to see it grow. So Mom, I'm, I'm curious how you've seen it from your end.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I think it's crazy how it's-
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs]
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... it's, um-
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... your followers have just increased exponentially.
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right.
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  But you being a good communicator does not surprise me.
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right.
14. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I guess just the social media aspect, um, I think your generation is more in tune with that, and, um, the Instagram and-
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
16. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... all the other social formats. But, um, no, it, as far as you communicating well, that did not surprise me. You have communicated well ever since you were two and three and four. You've been an excellent communicator.
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
18. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  In fact, I remember, and I guess because I talked to you all day long, and like you said, it was the two of us-
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
20. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... you know, at home, I remember at church one day, a friend of mine coming and saying, "Hey, Sherilyn, I just asked Jefferson if, if he'd seen his mama," and he said, "Uh-huh, she's in the auditorium." She goes, "What three-year-old says auditorium?"
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. [laughs]
22. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I said, "I don't know. I guess that's the way we talk to him at home." But you were an excellent communicator.
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. He, he always would say, um-
24. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You just talk, talk, talk
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... yeah, that I talked a lot.
26. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Oh my goodness.
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  And that was the thing, and I was quick-witted. I think that was the-
28. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Very
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... that was the-
30. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Very
29:49 – 32:57
Assertive and kind: choosing battles, gratitude resets, and respectful directness
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  That's co- cozyearth.com/jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off. So one major question that I see a lot of people asking is, how did you teach, I say me, but really all of, uh, us, all of my siblings, the balance between being assertive, meaning not being a wallflower and getting stepped over, and how do you also balance kindness? You, you wanna not be rude to somebody, but at the same time, you wanna be very direct. I'm curious if y'all had any mindset or tools for how you thought or how you gave me advice about that. Like, for example, Dad, you would tell me, if I came to complain about something, you'd say, "Don't make that your Alamo." That's what you'd say. You'd say, "Don't make that your Alamo." In other words, don't, don't be that, let that be the hill to die on.
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  Um, and it, there was this kind of sense of so, you know? The, the, I mean, the kind of the when Jonathan was upset that Mom was all in his business, and he's, and Mom just, and you'd say, "So?" I mean, there are just things about, um, that I'm just curious what the balance was like for y'all, what y'all saw.
4. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  You wanna go first?
5. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You go ahead.
6. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  [laughs] I, I don't remember you having a problem with assertiveness. You were always very assertive. You were n- never timid, and you did it with a cheerful disposition. So you had a very cheerful-
7. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
8. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... assertive disposition-
9. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Oh, thank you
10. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... as a child. Um, and you were rarely disrespectful. And because we had a zero tolerance for that, you quickly, quickly stopped.
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
12. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Um, and so I don't remember us having to encourage you to be assertive. What I can remember doing is, is sitting down and explaining maybe how do you deal with disappointments or something-
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm
14. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... that didn't go well.
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
16. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Just say, "Well, you know, don't worry about it."
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right.
18. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And, um, be thankful. That was one thing y'all hated, you know, is to say, "Well, give me 10 things that you're thankful for."
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And that's a good way to-
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  I did hate it
22. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... do it with a child. And, you know-
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
24. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... and you'd start, "Well, I'm thankful for Daddy and Mama."
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, yeah.
26. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And, you know, Sarah and Jonathan. I'd say, "No, no, not, not family members. What are some things you're thankful for?" Uh, the downside was is when I'd get upset, y'all would turn it on me and say, "Daddy, there's 10 things you're thankful for."
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. [laughs] Yeah.
28. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
29. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Fair- turnabout was fair play.
30. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah, yeah.
32:57 – 36:16
Discipline and boundaries: consistency, strong-willed kids, and “watch your tone”
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. How did you see that, Mom? Maybe not with just assertiveness, but on top of, like, how you, when, when we say zero tolerance policy, like, what was your mindset of what you, how you would handle me or any of us when we said something that was disrespectful, which I'm sure was very few times, Mama.
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs] Um, I can just, I just remember saying, "You're not gonna talk to me like that. That's not acceptable to me."
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You say, "Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am." And sometimes it's not only what you say, but the tone.
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You know, and I'd say, "You better watch your tone."
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yes. That's true.
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You know, "Would you like to say that again-
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yes
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... a little bit more respectfully?"
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mama would always say, "Let me tell you something."
14. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  "Let me tell you something."
15. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  [laughs]
16. JFJefferson Fisher
  When I was eight-
17. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You did say that a lot
18. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... I can remember you being just in your little infant stroller.
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  You were a very strong-willed child.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right.
22. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Not in a mean way, but you were f- very strong-willed.
23. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm. Y'all all were.
24. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And, and you'd go over and start, you know, knocking off the magazines and, and, you know, even from-
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right
26. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... a very young child, we'd, you know, just not hurting you, but spat your hand or say, "No, don't do that."
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
28. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And then you'd go back and you'd do it again, and we'd have to s- discipline you then again, and discipline you again, and maybe do it four or five times in a row, and finally, that fourth or fifth time, you'd go up to it and look at it and look at us to see whether we're watching, and we'd just look at you, and you'd pull the hand back, and you'd scoot off and do something different.
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
30. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  In his walker.
36:16 – 41:03
Emotional intelligence at home: Jefferson as mediator and reading feelings
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Well, you, I mean, you would always, as I c- I got to see, like we talked about, I, being kind of a second dad with Sarah, Jonathan, Jacob-
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... and, and seeing that, I, I found myself a lot of the times in the role as the mediator-
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... very early on-
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... with that, to where a lot of the problems didn't I kind of took it as like a thing of I didn't want the problems to hit y'all's plate.
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Oh.
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  And not, and not, but not in a bad way. It became like a, a thing that I enjoyed.
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  I also th- I also know, I mean, just being reflective and open with my personality, and I can see that in my son. Like, I'm very, I was very perceptive of emotions, like how you were feeling.
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  And so even now, like, if I watch a movie and there's an awkward moment, like, I can't take it. If there's a conflict-
14. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... even in the movie, I go, "Ugh," like, because I can feel it.
16. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah.
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  Um, and Jed has the same exact thing.
18. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  And so I'm, I'm curious how you saw, um, that transition with how I handled my emotions and maybe there c- could be some nuggets in there of how we can teach some other people to recognize that in their kids, and what, like, emotional intelligence means to you.
20. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Well, I feel like you were always, um, confident.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm.
22. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You were confident. Um, and you were very kind and caring. And so if, if the siblings were fighting, you did wanna mediate. You did want them to, "Hey, hey, hey, what are y'all doing?" You know?
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
24. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Um, even without me telling you to do that. It's like I didn't expect you to be a mom. And I remember one time saying, "Jefferson, I'm the mama."
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, that did happen.
26. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You know, 'cause [laughs] I was like-
27. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
28. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... "No, no, no, I'm here."
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right.
30. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  "I'm the mama." Um, so a lot of it you took on yourself-
41:03 – 48:30
Lasting parenting lessons: stop sibling verbal harm, see value in others, and create a safe base
1. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah, that's kind of developed what we're, uh, what we're doing now. Well, I wanna make sure and leave people with if there is any thoughts that you have as a parent, not of a parent of Jefferson, just a parent of any child, uh, and what you find to be one of the biggest things that they can do to help give them confidence-
2. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
3. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... in how they communicate, maybe open them up. And we already talked about how it's great to apologize to them and let them-
4. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
5. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... see that. I think it's great that you encourage me to, like, uh, not see problems as big as they needed to be.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Right.
7. JFJefferson Fisher
  You know, you'd say, "Is that gonna be your Alamo? Is that really gonna be that important?" And when you asked me that question, it was like, you know what?
8. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
9. JFJefferson Fisher
  It's, it's really not that important. But that became, I mean, I still remember it, so it became so ingrained in me-
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm
11. JFJefferson Fisher
  ... of seeing what was important. So what, what are some lasting thoughts that you might have, uh, for parents that are wanting to make sure that they, they put their kids on the, the right path?
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Don't allow your children to name-call each other. I think that's, that's detrimental to them in a way. I mean, that's, I think it hurts them. I think it's hurt- if, if they just verbally let them abuse each other, don't let your children do that to each other.
13. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. Start w- even if they're brother and sister, don't let-
14. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yeah, even if they're brother and sister, say, "No, we're not gonna be name-calling. No, we're not doing that."
15. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah. I think it teaches them at a early age to use that as a, as a weapon.
16. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes.
17. JFJefferson Fisher
  And without understanding the-
18. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  It can be very hurtful, you know?
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Sure.
20. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  So, um, and th- they'll remember it, you know, from years down the road. You just, no, to me, just don't let them do that to each other.
21. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And to see value in other people.
22. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes.
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
24. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Even if they-
25. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Right
26. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... even if they do something wrong, see value in them.
27. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
28. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  There's something good about that person.
29. JFJefferson Fisher
  Mm-hmm.
30. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And, and if you have, if they're having trouble with other kids at school, instead of, even if it's a bully or somebody, tell me something good about them.
48:30 – 50:07
Joy, affection, and the final gratitude: “I play” and why repair matters
1. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And have fun.
2. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
3. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Enjoy it. And [laughs] one of my, I'll just keep getting this mental image of your mom and I were in our bedroom. You were very small, and all of a sudden we looked over and saw these little fingers underneath the door.
4. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs]
5. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  So it was you outside.
6. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Mm-hmm.
7. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And so we said, "Who's there?"
8. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
9. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And you go, "It's Jefferson." I said, "Jefferson who?" "Jefferson Fisher." And I said, "What do you do, Jefferson Fisher?" You go-
10. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  There was a pause
11. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... pause. You go-
12. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Like 10 seconds pause
13. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... you went, "I play."
14. JFJefferson Fisher
  [laughs] Yeah.
15. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  You were probably, like, two and a half.
16. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Yeah.
17. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  I mean, really, truly, you were little.
18. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And started laughing.
19. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
20. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And started laughing and thought, you know, what a s- what a special time that was.
21. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.
22. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  Is, you know, you just wanted to play.
23. JFJefferson Fisher
  Right.
24. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  And, and, um, you wanted your parents to know where you were and, uh, checking on us with your fingers and-
25. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah
26. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... um, it was a, a joy. You were a, a joyful child, and you're a joyful-
27. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  Yes, you brought-
28. JFJefferson Fisher's father
  ... 37-year-old guy
29. JMJefferson Fisher's mother
  ... you bring us a lot of joy.
30. JFJefferson Fisher
  Yeah.

Episode duration: 50:08

Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript

Transcript of episode ckTdcGWG7B8

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

iOS

Android

Claude

Chrome

Jefferson brings on his first-ever guests: his parents

Parenting intentions before kids: faith, respect, and praying for “charisma”

Early communication development: nonstop talking and the “mirror behind the couch”

Dad’s bedtime stories and the power of blessing kids with words

Becoming the oldest sibling: protective leadership and “interpreting” for younger kids

Kindness as a household rule: respect, tone, and zero tolerance for name-calling

Conflict modeling in marriage: arguing privately, reconciling visibly

Apologizing in front of kids: “I was wrong” as strength

Parents react to Jefferson’s social media rise—and recognize the same communicator

Assertive and kind: choosing battles, gratitude resets, and respectful directness

Discipline and boundaries: consistency, strong-willed kids, and “watch your tone”

Emotional intelligence at home: Jefferson as mediator and reading feelings

Lasting parenting lessons: stop sibling verbal harm, see value in others, and create a safe base

Joy, affection, and the final gratitude: “I play” and why repair matters

Get more out of YouTube videos.