How Your Inner Circle Shapes Your Communication

1. 0:00 – 0:31

   “Who you’re around is how you’ll sound”: setting up a communication audit

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:00

      Who you're around is how you'll sound. Today, we are taking a deep dive. We are having an audit of ourselves, asking who in our life influences how we talk. Today, we're gonna break some generational curses, yeah? We're going to ask and, and see how not only we communicate, how we were influenced by those who came before us, how they communicated, and how that shaped us. And we are going to decide today, in today's episode, that

2. 0:31 – 2:02

   Podcast housekeeping: mission, book, membership, and sponsor

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:31

      we are going to do better for the next generation so that they can do better in the next generation. You ready? Welcome to The Jefferson Fisher Podcast. I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you enjoy podcasts like this and enjoy this kind of content, I'm gonna ask you to please subscribe and follow this podcast. If you have any topic suggestions, just throw them in the comments. I'll be sure to give them a look. My book, The Next Conversation, is five times New York Times bestselling book. It's incredible. I've been so excited about it. The book tour is finally done. You can get yours wherever you like to get books. I'll have the link there in the show notes, as well as my membership. If you're looking to continue to learn tools, to practice, to train, I'm gonna encourage you to join the membership. I have two live Q&As and hot seats in there, as well as master classes to continue your learning and training as a, uh, lifelong learner. Today's episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. I love Cozy Earth. I like talking about them. I like having them as a sponsor because I wear their stuff. I am wearing Cozy Earth pants right now. It is raining cats and dogs outside, and these are athletic type pants that I really, really like. So if you know anybody who works, uh, in the office and you're always wanting to wear something on the go, Cozy Earth has clothes. It's really great for any kind of weather. I wear these to the office. I wear these at home, wherever it is. cozyearth.com/jefferson. Use the code Jefferson for forty percent off. cozyearth.com/jefferson. Use

3. 2:02 – 2:32

   Family imprint: sounding like your parents and inheriting mannerisms

   1. JFJefferson Fisher2:02

      the code Jefferson for forty percent off. Today, I want us to look and take a moment, and this is something I don't think we talk about nearly enough, that how I communicate, you know, I sound a lot like my dad. If you remember the first guest we had on the podcast, uh, my parents, you heard my dad, and you probably thought, "Oh my gosh, Jefferson sounds just like him." Well, that's how genetics work. I, I have a lot of his mannerisms, as well as my mom, and I sound

4. 2:32 – 3:33

   A personal example: learning calm, patient language from his dad

   1. JFJefferson Fisher2:32

      a lot like him. And most likely, you sound very much like one of your parents, even though you may or may not want to admit it. That's just the way life happens. But there's another element, right, of who is in your vicinity, who is in your environment, who you are around. They also influence how you're going to talk. My dad was somebody who, when I brought something up to him and I had an issue, he would like to say, "Well, we'll see." It was always kind of this hopeful, positive, "Let's just, just wait." You know, "I can't... There's nothing you can do right now, Jefferson. There's no decision." That's kind of what the signal he was giving. It's not what he said. But it, it was this idea of, "You can't change it right now, so there's no sense worrying about it." So he always kind of had this, "Well, we'll see," type of attitude. If there's somebody who I was afraid to bring something up because they're gonna be disappointed, I go, "Oh, well, they're gonna be really mad." And he goes, "Yeah, well, I guess, I guess they'll be mad," or, "I guess they'll be disappointed." I mean, it was just this

5. 3:33 – 4:34

   Work culture rewires speech: vocabulary shifts and fitting in

   1. JFJefferson Fisher3:33

      mindset that he had of just keep rolling with the flow that I, I also got. And I was very blessed that way. I'll, I'll be the first to say extremely blessed that way. There are other people I know who have wonderful communicators in their life and other wonderful environments. You will look at how different places you've been have shaped how you talk to people. I know attorneys that I knew in high school, or excuse me, not, not high school, in law school, and they go on to a firm, and they change their entire way of speaking. Or I know friends that I do know from high school who went on to go work on, you know, Wall Street or corporate or finance, and you know their whole binocular changes, their whole vocabulary. People go in real estate or teachers or whatever it is. We have acronyms. We have different terms. We have all these sales optimization strategy, um, words that we use for particular influences in our world, and

6. 4:34 – 5:35

   Step 1 — Take the audit: who are you around (and listening to) most?

   1. JFJefferson Fisher4:34

      that shapes how we talk, if you're in sales or HR, whatever it is. Take an audit right now. So number one, number one today's podcast is take an audit. That means ask yourself the question, how and who is influencing my communication? And let's, let's go even deeper. Who am I around? For the vast majority of my day, let's put it in a pie chart, in a pie chart. You had, uh, percentages all around it. Pie chart is a circle. Who am I around most of the day? It's usually not your kids, and it's not your spouse or your family. It's work. It's work. Or maybe you work from home, and you're mostly by yourself. Or, um, maybe it's the cat. I don't know. It... There is somebody you're around that is influencing how you speak. Put it differently. Who are you listening to? Let's go to music. What kind of music do you listen to? How is that influencing how you think about things, how you communicate things? My grandfather,

7. 5:35 – 6:05

   A cautionary story: how a courthouse culture normalized cursing

   1. JFJefferson Fisher5:35

      uh, he was a district attorney for a long time, and he used to not be. He was in private practice, and then when he went, uh, to go district attorney, his whole vocabulary, of course, started to change. And everybody at the courthouse was what? Cursing. What did he start to do? He started to curse, and he never did that before. And as soon as he left that, that area, he never did again. And so that's the way it happens. I know friends that have terrible, um, ways of communicating because that's how they're

8. 6:05 – 8:07

   Step 2 — Identify the positive communicators you want to emulate

   1. JFJefferson Fisher6:05

      doing it at- work. They have ways that it's, it's just weighing on them in some sense because there's that peer pressure or, uh, this... maybe the sense to fit in. This, this is my point in this part of the episode, is just to take an audit of who are you around. Who are you around? Cool. Two, I want you to write the names of people... You don't have to write them if you're driving or anything, you're, you're working out, on a walk. Just think in your mind. People are gonna come up in your mind. Who are the people who have positive influences on you in the way they communicate? Names are gonna immediately come to mind. These are people that put a smile on your face when you think about them. Who are the people in that sphere who have positive examples of how they communicate? Maybe it's they just... they make you feel happy. Maybe they speak kindness. The reason I use positive i- is because this is what this podcast is. It is a way to build positivity into your life, the, the good kind of healthy positivity, and right now we're taking a healthy look at what could be some bad factors in your life. Maybe you're having a hard time thinking of somebody. Maybe you're around, uh, what they call the Negative Nancys, the, the, the people who always see things as half glass empty, the people that are always doubting you, uh, the people that are always putting you down, and therefore, you're starting to think, "Well, I'm, I'm really not that cool. I'm, I'm not that great. No, don't worry," and you're starting to put yourself less and less and less. Find the person who you want to emulate. Of course, there's gonna be people in your life that you just tolerate in your circle. You know, they're, they're part of the friend group, but they're not really your friend. They're somebody else's friend. Or maybe you just placate them. They're... It's a, a relative that they're there at the family get-togethers, but you really don't care that they're there. They don't care about you, and you don't really care about them. It's just... it's part of the exchange. I want you to think of people who make a difference in how they communicate to you and how you want to emulate that.

9. 8:07 – 9:39

   Raising your conversation standard: avoid gossip, seek growth-minded people

   1. JFJefferson Fisher8:07

      All right? Three, I want you to think of the words that no longer serve you, that no longer serve you. Because what I'm asking you to do in this audit of this episode is at the end of it, I'm asking you to find people that raise your level of thinking, raise your level of conversation, raise the level of things that you talk about. Uh, my... There's somebody who's one of my, uh, oldest law school friends. She, uh, always had this little sign on her laptop, like a... on the bumper sticker, and it was... it says something along the lines of, "I get high on intellectual conversations," or intelligent conversations. And I always really liked that because it's, it's, yeah, me saying I, I like to meet people, make connections, friendships with people that raise my level, raise my standard of what not only I think about myself, but what I communicate, what I talk about. If I talk about small things, I will think small things. If I'm around friends that talk about big things, I will talk about big things. If you're around somebody who's always gossiping, always nagging, you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna get negative and start nagging and get negative. But if you're around people who are always thinking positive, they're always thinking positive momentum, things they wanna build, things that they're about growth. People about growth, they invest in you, and you invest in them, and you all grow together.

10. 9:39 – 11:40

    Step 3 — Replace limiting phrases with confident, forward-moving language

    1. JFJefferson Fisher9:39

       So this is a time that I want you to... Maybe you haven't taken that time yet, and so maybe this is the first time you're actually thinking about this, and if so, that's wonderful. I'm, I'm happy to be part of it. I want you to think of the type of people that are gonna raise your level of thinking and raise not just the thinking, but your vocabulary. I'm not saying you have to learn new words. I, I am... We're going back to number three, and that is choosing the right words. It's not about knowing fancy words. It's about knowing the right words, words that no longer serve you, meaning if you're always somebody that goes, "Ah, I mean, maybe so. I don't, I don't know. I mean, I, I, I guess." No. We're gonna scrap all of that. That's not, that's not building positive momentum in your life. You're using phrases like, "I'm looking forward to," "What I'm excited about," "What I care about," "What I need," things that are, are moving forward in your life. Can you hear the difference? Whenever you start thinking of, uh, phrases like, "I'm confident that," instead of, "I, I believe so. I guess so," "I'm confident that," all of a sudden you've built in confidence to it. These phrases that, uh, give authority to you, uh, whether it's like words like direction. Direction's a great one. "I, I don't like the direction of this conversation. No, I'd rather take this in a different direction." You are, you are the captain of the ship when you do that. Start finding phrases that lead you to the captain of the ship more often if that's what you want to do. Uh, you can use, uh, any AI. You can Google, "What are words and phrases I can put in my life that ch- change my sentences to be more positive, more uplifting, l- less half glass empty and more half glass full in my life?" And you're gonna find words like fulfilling. You're gonna find words like confidence, uh, words like experience, words that build you up as part of that growth. And I want you to consider looking for other people in your world,

11. 11:40 – 12:10

    Prune the negative, seek people who ‘pour into you’

    1. JFJefferson Fisher11:40

       in your sphere, that you can just prune your tree. Prune your tree the... of the people that bring the negative in your life and, and start... I was gonna say fertilize, but Lord, let's not do that. I barely just got this thing replanted, this fiddle leaf fig that I got. You wanna find people that are going to add water. I'm... All right, I'm, I'm removing the plant metaphor right now 'cause I'm, I'm not that kind of... I'm not there yet. [chuckles] You wanna

12. 12:10 – 13:44

    Recap and closing: the 3-part audit for generational change

    1. JFJefferson Fisher12:10

       find people that are going to pour into you, that are gonna help you grow. That's gonna help you grow, like a tree. [laughs] Okay. Rule number one, I want you to take an audit, audit of yourself of who has influenced how I speak. Is it my parents? Is it I'm a- uh, the people I'm around? Is it where I work? Two, I want you to find the people and focus on the people that, uh, speak positive language around you. Be more like that and find out why they speak that way. What is it about them that speak that way? I'm not saying you have to mimic them. I'm not saying be exactly like them. That's not my point. It is that y- you want to remove the things that do not serve you and do not uplift you and things that are weighing you down and add more of the things that lift you up. All right? Three, find words that serve you better, that push you towards personal growth because what you wanna do is find people that raise your standard, raise your level of thinking, not... uh, raise your vocabulary and not just using fancy words or using, you know, very, um, intelligent words. No. You just need to use the right words, and those are words that are gonna bring light into your world and light into the world of, uh, somebody else. Because after all, that's... isn't that what we're all about? That's what I'm about. All right. Be good. If you have any questions, just put them in the comments, and as always, you can try that and follow me.

Episode duration: 13:45