Looking For High Performers? Pay Attention To This...

1. 0:00 – 1:00

   Spotting high performers through communication pace

   1. SPSpeaker0:00

      Can you tell if somebody is going to be a high performer or going to be successful based on the way that they communicate?

   2. JFJefferson Fisher0:08

      1,000%. And I'll tell you the biggest key is their pace.

   3. SPSpeaker0:13

      Mm.

   4. JFJefferson Fisher0:13

      How fast or slow they respond. If you ask me a question, or let's say I'm interviewing, and you ask me an important interview question and I immediately respond, "Yeah, that's probably true. You know, I'm thinking," and again, this is in my experience, and I'm just ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. What it's indicating is I didn't really listen all the way-

   5. SPSpeaker0:34

      Mm

   6. JFJefferson Fisher0:34

      ... because it's possible I missed the low-hanging fruit. I missed the whole point of this.

   7. SPSpeaker0:39

      Mm.

   8. JFJefferson Fisher0:39

      Because it's not just the experience and the words, it's how you handle the present.

   9. SPSpeaker0:44

      Mm-hmm.

   10. JFJefferson Fisher0:44

       Versus if you ask me a question and all of a sudden, all of a sudden I went, "In my experience," and then I went on and I slowed down my words, all it says is I am controlled.

   11. SPSpeaker1:00

       Mm.

2. 1:00 – 1:32

   Emotional control vs. verbal “over-seasoning” (cussing and intensity)

   1. JFJefferson Fisher1:00

      I'm not emotionally reactive. It's the same people that, and this is not to step on anybody's toes, if you cuss in every other sentence, what you really indicate is I am emotionally sensitive.

   2. SPSpeaker1:13

      Mm.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher1:14

      It's I, I'm over-seasoning my food. I don't have any other words to explain how I'm feeling or what I'm doing, so I just expect that throwing a curse word right in front of it is gonna make it more impactful in some way, but it also dilutes the message.

   4. SPSpeaker1:31

      Mm.

3. 1:32 – 2:33

   Why slow, deliberate phrasing sounds more authoritative

   1. JFJefferson Fisher1:32

      Because that's not what anybody hears. So it's kind of that same exact concept, the pace of your conversation. The difference be- between if I, I was gonna say, "I already told you I'm not gonna do that, Cody. I already told you I'm not gonna do that," versus, "I already told you I'm not going to do that."

   2. SPSpeaker1:55

      Mm.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher1:55

      Like, that right there is, who sounds more in control? Who sounds like they can be relied upon? Who sounds like this is a person who knows what's happening?

   4. SPSpeaker2:04

      Mm.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher2:04

      Who sounds like the person who's cannot be moved? It's always the slower.

   6. SPSpeaker2:10

      How do you work on your inflection in order for people to take you seriously? Because you have incredible pacing, inflection, presence, eye contact.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher2:20

      Mm-hmm.

   8. SPSpeaker2:21

      That is hard, I think, for a lot of people to do. What advice would you give somebody who doesn't think too much about the way they say things, uh, but only thinks about what they say?

4. 2:33 – 3:11

   Using downward inflection to sound certain

   1. JFJefferson Fisher2:33

      Oh, that's a good question. Number one is you wanna use a tone that goes down. So if you pictured it, for anybody listening, if you pictured it on a graph, you wanna start at, like, a five, and then you kinda go down to a two.

   2. SPSpeaker2:48

      Mm.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher2:49

      So you use it in a tone of, let's say, like, at the table, and I ask you, I was gonna ask you to pass me the salt. I wouldn't say, "Can you pass me the salt?" As if, like, you don't know what it is.

   4. SPSpeaker3:00

      Mm.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher3:01

      I'm gonna say, "Can you pass me the salt?" So you're going down with it. Every time a person who goes up on the inflection, it sounds a lot more, uh, uncertain.

   6. SPSpeaker3:11

      Mm.

5. 3:11 – 4:02

   Eye contact strategy: finish strong, not constant staring

   1. JFJefferson Fisher3:11

      Unsure. So you wanna kinda end downward and slow your words down. Two, for eye contact, and I know we have a mutual friend, Vanessa. I know she also talks about this. People are much more forgiving if you don't keep eye contact, uh, eye contact the whole time. You can look around. But as long as you end the last bit of your sentence with eye contact, nobody will know the difference.

   2. SPSpeaker3:31

      Ooh, interesting.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher3:32

      Yeah, so if you... I have people, when I trained, um, teach every one of my clients for a deposition, I'll say, "Look, this video, it's gonna be recorded, so I want you to try and end all of your sentences looking forward so it doesn't look like you're looking all over the place, 'cause when you do, then it looks like you're trying to hide. Or worse, don't look at me. Anytime you get a question, don't go, 'Uh,' and look at me.

   4. SPSpeaker3:54

      [laughs]

   5. JFJefferson Fisher3:54

      Don't do that. So I need you to keep looking." And it's, I can look all around this room, but it's not to the very end of my contact.

   6. SPSpeaker4:02

      Mm.

6. 4:02 – 5:16

   Remove filler words for “high-performance” communication

   1. JFJefferson Fisher4:02

      The end of that sentence that I make that eye contact, you'll never feel like anything else is, is different. But three would be the slower your words come out, the more intentional they sound, and you don't wanna use the filler words, the ums, the ahs. It's fine for everyday communication. If you and I wanna um and ah it up-

   2. SPSpeaker4:21

      Mm-hmm

   3. JFJefferson Fisher4:22

      ... we can knock ourselves out. Nobody cares. But when you need that high-performance communication, you need to get rid of all the filler words that water down your sentences and just serve them neat.

   4. SPSpeaker4:33

      Yeah. That's interesting because, like, I'm doing it right now. When I'm thinking about something, I don't typically have eye contact-

   5. JFJefferson Fisher4:41

      Mm-hmm

   6. SPSpeaker4:41

      ... because I'm usually listening-

   7. JFJefferson Fisher4:42

      Right

   8. SPSpeaker4:42

      ... when I have eye contact. It's something I have to work on quite a bit-

   9. JFJefferson Fisher4:46

      Yeah

   10. SPSpeaker4:46

       ... actually. And when I'm really pondering something, I look up or I look down in order to get my words correctly. But it's interesting. I wouldn't ever end that way. I would always start that way, so maybe naturally I got lucky with that one.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher4:56

       Yeah.

   12. SPSpeaker4:57

       Um, but the, um, ability to speak quickly without filler words I think is super important.

   13. JFJefferson Fisher5:05

       Yeah. Mm.

   14. SPSpeaker5:05

       Um, you talk smoothly. I wouldn't say you talk slow, though. I, I guess, I suppose, as opposed to a lot-

   15. JFJefferson Fisher5:12

       Yeah

   16. SPSpeaker5:12

       ... of people, including me, you talk slower.

   17. JFJefferson Fisher5:15

       Right.

7. 5:16 – 5:49

   Smooth-and-slow vs. rambling: knowing when you’re losing people

   1. SPSpeaker5:16

      But there is also a real fine line between somebody who doesn't communicate concisely-

   2. JFJefferson Fisher5:22

      Mm-hmm

   3. SPSpeaker5:22

      ... and somebody who communicates concisely but slowly. So if somebody's listening to this, how do they determine, hey, I'm just talking smoo- s- uh, smooth but slow versus I'm just talking too slow and not getting to the point?

   4. JFJefferson Fisher5:38

      Oh, well, you usually can tell that by the frustration of the other person.

   5. SPSpeaker5:42

      [laughs]

   6. JFJefferson Fisher5:42

      Yeah. Yeah. [laughs]

   7. SPSpeaker5:44

      The feedback from your partner.

   8. JFJefferson Fisher5:44

      Yeah, the other person will start doing what you, we talked about. You start popping your knuckles and-

8. 5:49 – 7:56

   Calm energy as the signature of leaders people trust

   1. SPSpeaker5:49

      Mm

   2. JFJefferson Fisher5:49

      ... breathing out your nose and getting frustrated because it's creating that anxiety in the, in the conversation whenever you're, you're doing that. I f- I think that everybody right now at this, this point of our life, we really are searching for calm energy. You, you want a leader to lead, they have calm energy. The, the high performers, the people who are relied upon, they say, "You know what? I know that Cody is... She knows what she's doing. Oh, I don't know what's going on. Thank goodness Cody does." It's because of the calm energy. You think of any movie you've seen-

   3. SPSpeaker6:24

      Mm

   4. JFJefferson Fisher6:24

      ... or you think of anybody in combat, it's the leaders have the calm energy. They do not respond emotionally to the chaos. And those are the people that people look to, and they look for that in everyday conversation. There's a reason why when you go into your grandmother's house, all of a sudden you feel at ease.

   5. SPSpeaker6:42

      Mm.

   6. JFJefferson Fisher6:43

      It's that calm energy that says, "Don't worry, honey. You're good. Tell me all about it." When you have this sense of, you go into one of my favorite restaurants, this is mom and pop. Every- she calls everybody honey, calls everybody darling, sweetie. It's like, yes, I just love-

   7. SPSpeaker6:56

      [laughs]

   8. JFJefferson Fisher6:56

      We need that. We really do. More than you think, we need that calm energy.

   9. SPSpeaker6:59

      Yeah.

   10. JFJefferson Fisher6:59

       When you're around these people that are always anxious, always go, go, go, always wanna just, you gotta 10X everything about your life, like that is, that's a quick way to being really unsatisfied-

   11. SPSpeaker7:12

       Yeah

   12. JFJefferson Fisher7:12

       ... with a lot of, lot of things. I've... There's nothing wrong with talking slow.

   13. SPSpeaker7:15

       Mm-hmm.

   14. JFJefferson Fisher7:16

       I would say, people say I talk slower in person than I do in my videos because I'm not having to cram-

   15. SPSpeaker7:22

       Same

   16. JFJefferson Fisher7:22

       ... everything into 47 seconds.

   17. SPSpeaker7:25

       Yes.

   18. JFJefferson Fisher7:25

       Um, but it's, it's this calm energy that, that people are drawn to like a moth to a flame because it's this vibe that you... When you can come into the room and they go, "Oh, thank goodness they're here," like all of a sudden it's this, everybody at the room feels different by your presence. And it's not because you're hyping everybody up. That's great. There's a place for that. That is not sustainable.

   19. SPSpeaker7:51

       Mm.

   20. JFJefferson Fisher7:51

       It's the calm energy that leaders show. That means they always know that they're captain of the ship.

9. 7:56 – 8:58

   Preparing to be calm in the storm: breath as the first word

   1. SPSpeaker7:56

      Fascinating. So I'm sure there are many times where you feel super anxious, and you feel elevated-

   2. JFJefferson Fisher8:02

      Yeah

   3. SPSpeaker8:02

      ... and you do not feel like the grounding energy. In fact, you'd love somebody else to be that.

   4. JFJefferson Fisher8:06

      Right.

   5. SPSpeaker8:07

      What do you do to prepare yourself to be that calm in the storm? Is there something that you do to reground yourself so when you walk in the door to your family-

   6. JFJefferson Fisher8:15

      Yeah

   7. SPSpeaker8:16

      ... you're different?

   8. JFJefferson Fisher8:17

      Right. Well, biggest key is I, I, I really do try to be exactly who I am at home, same at work, but you have to wear a different hat. Like-

   9. SPSpeaker8:25

      Yeah

   10. JFJefferson Fisher8:26

       ... I get it. It's this, and it's, it's rule number one in the book of State with Control, let your breath be the first word that you say. And I teach it to every one of my clients before they answer a question. And when somebody's asking them a question they don't like, and I take my own medicine, I do the very same thing. With, and when an opposing attorney is saying something I don't like, you better believe I'm using my breath to make sure I'm contin- continually, uh, regulating my system-

   11. SPSpeaker8:58

       Yeah

10. 8:58 – 9:47

    Why holding your breath leads to tension and yelling

    1. JFJefferson Fisher8:58

       ... when that's all happening. Otherwise, you... I'm bad at holding my breath.

    2. SPSpeaker9:01

       Mm-hmm.

    3. JFJefferson Fisher9:02

       That's what happens, Cody, is I, I, I'll hold my breath in moments of tension.

    4. SPSpeaker9:06

       Mm-hmm.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher9:06

       And then all of a sudden I realize, why is my body feel like I'm drowning? Well, it's because you are. [laughs]

    6. SPSpeaker9:13

       Yeah. [laughs]

    7. JFJefferson Fisher9:13

       It, I mean, you're, you're preventing oxygen from flowing. That's why everything is tight, and that's why you yell.

    8. SPSpeaker9:18

       Interesting.

    9. JFJefferson Fisher9:18

       'Cause your, your body goes, "I don't know what to do with all this trapped air we got, so we better just-

    10. SPSpeaker9:23

        Mm

    11. JFJefferson Fisher9:24

        ... shoot it out."

    12. SPSpeaker9:25

        Mm-hmm.

    13. JFJefferson Fisher9:25

        Well, it's because you just put it like a, in a bottle and shook it up.

    14. SPSpeaker9:29

        Yeah.

    15. JFJefferson Fisher9:29

        It's waiting for it to, to pop. But when you breathe the entire time, it's like breathing underwater. You can put me as deep as I need to go, I'm, I'm still all right-

    16. SPSpeaker9:38

        Interesting

    17. JFJefferson Fisher9:38

        ... uh, no matter what the pressure is. So it's, it's a lot of the letting your breath be the first word that you say. So whatever a, your first word would be-

    18. SPSpeaker9:47

        Mm

11. 9:47 – 10:25

    The power of the pause: slowing conflict and prompting self-correction

    1. JFJefferson Fisher9:47

       ... before you say the, "I don't agree with that," or the, "That's not true," you put a breath, and what it does is it allows your logical, analytical side to stay at the forefront, where you don't get emotionally swept. And the benefit is so does that other person.

    2. SPSpeaker10:03

       Yeah.

    3. JFJefferson Fisher10:03

       That's what happens when we talk about the h- how do you handle insults. When you allow that five to seven seconds, what often happens is that other person will all of a sudden, their logical side will come up and go, "No, no, no, that's not what I want to say," and they will apologize as soon as they said it.

    4. SPSpeaker10:17

       Mm.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher10:17

       "That's not what I meant to say. I shouldn't have said that. Uh, w- what I meant to say was," and they'll adjust it, 'cause they realize, they can hear it now, it's not what they wanna put off.

12. 10:25 – 11:36

    Voice and negotiation: parallels to Chris Voss and influence

    1. SPSpeaker10:25

       Yeah. You know, what's interesting is, um, this is so good for negotiation too. You talk a lot about just communication and conversations in general.

    2. JFJefferson Fisher10:35

       Mm-hmm.

    3. SPSpeaker10:35

       But so much of this, it just reminds me of a mixture of like Robert Greene and also Chris Voss and-

    4. JFJefferson Fisher10:40

       Yeah.

    5. SPSpeaker10:40

       Have you talked to Chris yet?

    6. JFJefferson Fisher10:41

       Yeah.

    7. SPSpeaker10:42

       Oh, yeah. He's got, you guys have that same voice too. Like his, has he done his radio operator voice for you yet?

    8. JFJefferson Fisher10:48

       Oh, yeah, of course.

    9. SPSpeaker10:49

       [laughs]

    10. JFJefferson Fisher10:49

        Yeah, yeah, and his-

    11. SPSpeaker10:50

        Is that like step one? [laughs]

    12. JFJefferson Fisher10:50

        Yeah. Oh my goodness. And his stuff is, uh, mine, I, I guess we came at it totally different ways. And mine's more of this like good old country, you know, whatever.

    13. SPSpeaker11:00

        Yeah.

    14. JFJefferson Fisher11:01

        And his is this more northern vibe-

    15. SPSpeaker11:06

        Urban

    16. JFJefferson Fisher11:06

        ... mob boss type of like-

    17. SPSpeaker11:08

        Yeah. [laughs]

    18. JFJefferson Fisher11:08

        He could a- he could, he could convince me to give you, me to like give him my couch while I sit on it.

    19. SPSpeaker11:15

        Yeah.

    20. JFJefferson Fisher11:15

        Like that's just what his voice can do. So I, I'm very curious what the actual statistics would be about the important- importance of voice.

    21. SPSpeaker11:24

        Oh, it's gotta be high.

    22. JFJefferson Fisher11:25

        It has to be so high of what it does, 'cause he would be like, "I agree. That's a, it is a great couch. I agree. I just-

    23. SPSpeaker11:31

        [laughs]

    24. JFJefferson Fisher11:31

        ... I need your couch."

    25. SPSpeaker11:32

        [laughs]

    26. JFJefferson Fisher11:33

        And you'd be like, "Dang. All right."

    27. SPSpeaker11:34

        He seems like he needs it.

    28. JFJefferson Fisher11:35

        Yeah.

13. 11:36 – 12:53

    Success requires tolerance for difficult conversations

    1. SPSpeaker11:36

       I d- well, you know what's funny is him in particular, I think, I've learned a ton from watching his stuff, and people are gonna learn so much from reading your book because I t- one of my favorite mentors of all time said, uh, if you're not capable of having difficult conversations to the point where you start to enjoy them because you learn from them, you'll probably never be very successful.

    2. JFJefferson Fisher11:55

       Oh, yeah. That's a good...

    3. SPSpeaker11:57

       And-

    4. JFJefferson Fisher11:57

       That's very true. I love that

    5. SPSpeaker11:58

       ... I think it is true. It's, the more that you can learn, y- you say it somewhere. You say something along the lines of, um, it's an opportunity to uncover.

    6. JFJefferson Fisher12:07

       Yeah, yeah. It, it's this idea that if you wanna have a deeper relationship, then you have to have a deeper tolerance for difficult conversations. Like if you only wanna have surface level conversations, well, I'll show you a surface level relationship.

    7. SPSpeaker12:21

       Yeah.

    8. JFJefferson Fisher12:22

       You're not gonna be able to go deep. Like you, you and your husband have had some probably the toughest conversations. Out of that you have the closest bond. People that have gone through the hardest moments together and come out of it will always be stronger. So it's this idea that if you shun difficult conversations, life is not gonna be any easier. It's not, it's not the way it works. It's almost, it's the opposite.

    9. JFJefferson Fisher12:44

       If you enjoyed that clip and wanna see the rest of the conversation, you can click right here. Or if you wanna see the latest episode of The Jefferson Fisher Podcast, click right here and I'll meet you there

Episode duration: 12:54