The Jefferson Fisher PodcastSaying Something With Confidence Is NOT What You Think — Here’s What It Actually Is...
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Confidence comes from assertive action, not pre-feeling courageous beforehand alone
- Confidence is framed as an outcome of assertive behavior rather than a feeling you must summon before speaking.
- An assertive voice balances self-respect and respect for others by being direct without being rude or overly accommodating.
- Word choice and brevity matter: removing hedges like “just” and avoiding long explanations makes you sound clearer and more credible.
- Emotional self-control prevents others from “pushing your buttons,” shifting from giving people a “remote” to giving them a “manual” for how to treat you.
- People-pleasing often shows up as over-apologizing, and replacing unnecessary apologies with gratitude can protect self-worth while maintaining politeness.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasStop waiting to “feel confident”; act assertively to become confident.
Fisher argues you can’t reliably conjure confidence as a feeling; it emerges after you practice direct, assertive statements and see yourself handle the moment.
Assertiveness is directness with dignity—not passivity and not aggression.
The assertive voice communicates your truth and boundaries clearly while avoiding rudeness, maintaining respect for others and yourself at the same time.
Remove verbal and written hedges to sound more certain.
Words like “just” often signal hesitation (“Just wanted to check in…”); deleting them makes requests and boundaries read as calmer and more self-assured.
Shorter explanations usually increase credibility and reduce conflict.
Over-explaining can make the truth sound shaky and invites follow-up questions and longer arguments; concise language keeps conversations from spiraling.
Quiet confidence beats loud insecurity in group dynamics.
People who constantly insert opinions, name-drop, or prove intelligence often signal insecurity, while confident people can listen more and speak less because they have nothing to prove.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesConfidence is not what you have before. Confidence is the outcome, and you get to that by saying things that are assertive.
— Jefferson Fisher
Insecurities are, are very loud. Confidence, on the other hand, is very quiet.
— Jefferson Fisher
Instead of handing out remote controls, you get in the habit of giving out manuals.
— Jefferson Fisher
When you start to over-apologize with every little thing, without you knowing it, it's slowly, drip by drip, corroding your sense of self-esteem, your sense of self-worth.
— Jefferson Fisher
There is this... It's this idea of the more words it takes to tell the truth, the more it sounds like a lie.
— Jefferson Fisher
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
