Joe Rogan Experience #1063 - Tom Segura

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   ... this talk? …

   1. TSTom Segura0:00

      ... this talk?

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:01

      (makes sound) We're good?

   3. NANarrator0:05

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:05

      All right. We're live, sort of.

   5. TSTom Segura0:07

      Sort of live.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Hold on. We're, we're rolling. We're rolling.

   7. TSTom Segura0:09

      We're roll- we're rolling.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:10

      We're rolling, dog.

   9. TSTom Segura0:11

      (clears throat)

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:12

       So, uh, so we were talking about the game.

   11. TSTom Segura0:15

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:15

       We stopped-

   13. TSTom Segura0:16

       (clears throat)

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:17

       ... because, uh, we figured this would probably be good for the podcast.

   15. TSTom Segura0:19

       Right.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       So Ari finally paid off the bet. Finally.

   17. TSTom Segura0:21

       Ari paid it off in a big way, man.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       Big way.

   19. TSTom Segura0:23

       In a big way. Um, (smacks lips) so if you remember, I- when, when we were doing the weight loss challenge, (smacks lips) it was like, "Whoever wins, decides-

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       Yeah.

   21. TSTom Segura0:32

       ... the sporting event." It- we're all sports fans basically, you know? And, (smacks lips) and I said at the time, I was like, "Let's go see Barcelona." I think I wanted to see Barcelona play Paris in the, you know, some tournament cup, some channel- uh, uh, tournament that they were playing in. And I was like, you know, "Two of the premier teams," and it would be fun to go to Europe and make Ari pay for it, you know?

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       Yeah.

   23. TSTom Segura0:53

       So, so I told him that, and he was like, "I'm going to like," (deepens voice) "fucking, uh, Malaysia," and then he just left.

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       (laughs)

   25. TSTom Segura0:59

       So (laughs) never heard from him again, and then four months later... You, you know how it all, it all played out, and so when he got back, he was getting fucking slammed by people because he was supposed to pay up this bet, you know?

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:11

       Right.

   27. TSTom Segura1:11

       And people were destroying him. H- you know that, I mean, online. They were just like, "Welch, you're a piece of shit."

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:16

       (laughs)

   29. TSTom Segura1:16

       Probably worse than that. (laughs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:18

       (laughs)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      Yeah.

   2. TSTom Segura15:00

      ... and as you left the room, music would die down and pick up in the next room so that, you know, it had, like... Which I th- I think you could probably, a regular person could probably do something like that now. But, like, that was unheard of, you know?

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:12

      Yeah, I think you wore a pin.

   4. TSTom Segura15:14

      A pin?

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      You put a pin on, and that pin, as you walked into different rooms, recognized that you were the person. (coughs) So you had specific colors that you liked. So they'd be, like, backlighting that was specific.

   6. TSTom Segura15:25

      It just had to be his kids... Like, he's big on, uh, he's the one that started that Giving Pledge-

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:31

      Mm-hmm.

   8. TSTom Segura15:31

      ... which is, like, for billionaires to give the overwhelming majority of their wealth-

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:37

      Right.

   10. TSTom Segura15:37

       ... to charity, so that you don't pass on billions to your children.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:42

       Right.

   12. TSTom Segura15:42

       You... Like, so his thing is like, "I'm gonna leave my kids money, but not, like, crazy money."

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:47

       Crazy amounts.

   14. TSTom Segura15:48

       It's not money. But you're like, yeah, that's... You know, I totally get the idea behind that, but also, like, if you grew up with his, you know, you're his kid, and you're like, "Oh, there's, we got lions this year or whatever?"

   15. JRJoe Rogan16:01

       (laughs)

   16. TSTom Segura16:01

       (laughs) And then, and then you're like... You know, you grow up, and you're like, "I'm a, whatever, a photographer now. Uh, my dad left me $5 million." (laughs) But, like, this is-

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:09

       $5 million is great.

   18. TSTom Segura16:11

       It's great, but my thing is, like, it's such a step down from what they're used to.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:16

       Right.

   20. TSTom Segura16:16

       It's gotta be-

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:16

       I don't feel even remotely bad for some-

   22. TSTom Segura16:18

       I don't-

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:18

       ... fucking kid who gets $5 million-

   24. TSTom Segura16:20

       No.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:20

       ... from his dad.

   26. TSTom Segura16:21

       I don't feel bad. What I'm saying is that that adjustment has to kick you in the balls.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:25

       Yeah.

   28. TSTom Segura16:25

       I mean, the exposure that they've had, the lifestyle is like... It's not... It's unfathomable to us. Like, we can't even... It's, it's beyond... They're just like... It's like being the, the, a prince, you know?

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:36

       Mm-hmm.

   30. TSTom Segura16:36

       It's like your dad's the Sultan of Brunei, and then he's like, "Well, go fucking..." I mean, uh, they're probably well adjusted. I don't know why I assumed that, but I think that, like, uh, he and his wife seem like such reasonable people, that I bet they've, you know, prepared them for, for, for what's coming.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Sometimes they don't. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      an odd thing. Like, sometimes they tell you the price, and sometimes they don't.

   2. TSTom Segura30:03

      Sometimes they don't.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:03

      Sometimes they just tell you the special. "We have a rack of lamb." "Oh, that sounds good."

   4. TSTom Segura30:07

      There's ... Nice restaurants, a lot of the times, there's multiple items. It just says, "Market price."

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:11

      Yeah, that's a weird one.

   6. TSTom Segura30:12

      And then they ... And you can just be like, "I want that." And they're like, "You said so."

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:15

      (laughs)

   8. TSTom Segura30:15

      And then (laughs) they just bring it to you, and, and you're like, "That's $400." You're like, "What?"

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:20

      Yeah, "What kind of market is this?"

   10. TSTom Segura30:21

       "This is crazy."

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:23

       ... but don't you think that if you get to the point where you're worth $105 billion, just the focus on you alone-

   12. TSTom Segura30:29

       It's a lot, yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:30

       ... it must be overwhelming.

   14. TSTom Segura30:31

       It must be overwhelming and also, it's like to the- the Bill Gates thing, it's like it is the thing that everybody probably wants to ask you to talk about, you know.

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Oh, yeah.

   16. TSTom Segura30:43

       It's like everyone knows you have a 15-inch dick-

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:45

       (laughs)

   18. TSTom Segura30:45

       ... and they're like, "Let me see it, man."

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:47

       (laughs)

   20. TSTom Segura30:47

       "Just let me see it. Can I touch it? Can I see it?"

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       (laughs)

   22. TSTom Segura30:50

       You have photos?

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       What's it taste like?

   24. TSTom Segura30:51

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:51

       Tastes like a regular dick?

   26. TSTom Segura30:52

       Like, is it limp and it's 15 inches? It's crazy.

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:55

       (laughs)

   28. TSTom Segura30:55

       It's- it's like knowing that about someone. It's all everyone ... So, yeah, I think that energy you feel, that everyone's like, "You're super rich?"

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       Yeah.

   30. TSTom Segura31:01

       'Cause we're all fascinated, especially in this country, with, you know, accumulating wealth. It's like ... I feel like it's, I feel like it's heightened here.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Right. …

   1. TSTom Segura45:00

      look at that shit too much.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      Right.

   3. TSTom Segura45:01

      I do, you know-

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:02

      Yeah.

   5. TSTom Segura45:03

      ... it takes- it takes too much of your focus away, which like Ari talked about. And then of course Bert was like, "Easy." I'm like, "It's not easy for you. You're on it-" He brings his charger with him when we go- when we went out. I was like, "Why?" He's like, "In case my battery runs out." I'm like, "You have 70%. How are we going to run out?" He uses it a lot. He's always on it. So I was like, "That's actually a good challenge for you because-"

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:22

      Yeah.

   7. TSTom Segura45:22

      "... you are consumed with it." But he was like- I don't know, he was pretty hesitant to accept that one.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:27

      The problem with that is it's a- it's a tool for work.

   9. TSTom Segura45:30

      That's the point. But Ari's thing was like, well, you could have your assistant, the guy that helps produce your podcast, you could send him things and be like, "Hey, you gotta post these things. You could post these promotions for my shows and blah, blah, blah." But you can't be on there consumed by likes and consumed by comments and- and that whole thing. I don't know. It was just- it was- it was definitely-

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       It's not a bad idea.

   11. TSTom Segura45:51

       Yeah, it's not a bad idea.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       It's not a bad challenge. Good luck with it. I'm out.

   13. TSTom Segura45:55

       Yeah. (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:57

       (laughs)

   15. TSTom Segura45:57

       I don't know. I mean, I think the physical stuff is really, really interesting and fun.

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:01

       Yeah, the physical stuff's the most interesting. Even- like even for me, a guy who does yoga on a regular basis, doing 15 of them in a month, I was like, "Wow, I got a lot to make up."

   17. TSTom Segura46:10

       What would be another good one?

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:11

       I don't know, but let me tell you something though, that last nine days I did nine days straight, you know, of yoga.

   19. TSTom Segura46:17

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:18

       And, uh, it wasn't the last nine days. I had plenty of time to go, but I just decided to burn it all out in one shot. I was like, "I'm learning a lot about myself."

   21. TSTom Segura46:25

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:25

       Like, I've never done anything that's that hard, 90-minute hot yoga classes nine days in a row with no days off.

   23. TSTom Segura46:32

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:32

       I was like, "If you just don't give yourself a day off, your body starts to adapt to not having a day off."

   25. TSTom Segura46:38

       You can accomplish way more than you think you can.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:40

       Yeah.

   27. TSTom Segura46:40

       That's what that shit taught me.

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:41

       Yeah.

   29. TSTom Segura46:41

       Do you ever have like those- I remember being on the road once and having a deadline for a writing packet. It was some type of submission or they were like- or I was getting paid.

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:51

       Mm.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:07:22

   Definitely, man. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      on things, more attention, the more focus-

   2. TSTom Segura1:00:02

      Definitely, man.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      ... it's gonna, you're gonna have ... It's gonna be better. You're gonna know it better.

   4. TSTom Segura1:00:06

      It's like getting good at anything.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:08

      Yeah.

   6. TSTom Segura1:00:08

      You know, you put a lot of time into it-

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:10

      Yeah.

   8. TSTom Segura1:00:10

      ... it's gonna happen for you.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      Yeah. Comedy writing though is one of the weirdest ones 'cause everybody does it a different way.

   10. TSTom Segura1:00:16

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:16

       You, you know, everybody's got their own weird sort of style and so no one can tell you exactly how to do it. Like y- you, you could never tell Theo Von how to write a joke.

   12. TSTom Segura1:00:26

       Right. No. No.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:27

       Especially him. His, his act's so odd.

   14. TSTom Segura1:00:29

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       You know?

   16. TSTom Segura1:00:30

       I know, and then you're like, mispronounce things, but like that's like-

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:34

       Yeah.

   18. TSTom Segura1:00:34

       But it's, it's like, uh, disguised so well.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

       Yeah.

   20. TSTom Segura1:00:38

       You know? It's like, it's ... Oh, shit like that where you're just like, "How do you come up with that?" You know?

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       Yeah.

   22. TSTom Segura1:00:42

       Was it an accident the first time? Like that, you know. And then like, I remember, uh, Carlin, he would write on, uh, note cards.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

       Did he?

   24. TSTom Segura1:00:50

       He'd go on stage with note, note cards and clubs. And then kind of shuffle through them and be like, "That's shit," and throw it on the ground.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       (laughs)

   26. TSTom Segura1:00:59

       And then, uh, I saw him in ... I saw him one of his last tours at Universal Amphitheater. And he ... For like his last ... 'Cause he called them like individual pieces, like his bits were ... It was really a-... heavily about the writing, you know?

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:14

       Yeah.

   28. TSTom Segura1:01:14

       Like the specific word play, the flow, you know, rhythm, patterns. Like all- all- his comedy was very melodic like that. And when it got like- when it was like one of his closing pieces, it was like five pages. He brought out the pages. And he's like, "I'm gonna read this because that's how I memorize it." He's like, "I- I memorize it by doing these shows and reading this. So just so you know, for this thing I'm gonna look at it." Like, he told the 6,000 people that.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:44

       Wow.

   30. TSTom Segura1:01:44

       And then he would, you know, da-da-da-da-da, and then flip the page. And he's like-

Episode duration: 2:43:49