Joe Rogan Experience #1086 - Rory Albanese

Joe Rogan 0:04 Boom, and we're live. What happened? You took your hat off? You going f-

Rory Albanese 0:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:07 You getting crazy.

Rory Albanese 0:08 (laughs) I'm trying to feel, you know, I wanna feel at home.

Joe Rogan 0:10 It's that West Coast marijuana, dude.

Rory Albanese 0:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:11 It hits you hard, right?

Rory Albanese 0:12 (laughs) It does.

Joe Rogan 0:13 Right?

Rory Albanese 0:13 Hard and fast, man.

Joe Rogan 0:13 Woo! It's no joke.

Rory Albanese 0:14 Yeah, it's no joke.

Joe Rogan 0:15 These chemists, or whatever they are.

Rory Albanese 0:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:16 Botanists, these fucking science dorks.

Rory Albanese 0:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:19 They've done a wonderful job.

Rory Albanese 0:21 They've figured it out. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:21 Jesus Christ. It's not even the same thing anymore.

Rory Albanese 0:23 No. It's a-

Joe Rogan 0:24 You know?

Rory Albanese 0:24 ... it's, it's a, uh, it's a, it's, uh, it's GMO all the way. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:29 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 0:30 Yeah, it's like, "Hey, hey, hey."

Joe Rogan 0:31 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 0:31 "Have you guys tested this on people yet?" I know it's crazy.

Joe Rogan 0:34 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 0:34 I'm like, "I know you took the seeds out of watermelon, but what the f-" (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:37 Yeah. How the fuck did they do that?

Rory Albanese 0:39 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 0:39 How did that even happen?

Rory Albanese 0:41 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 0:41 You-

Rory Albanese 0:41 I just read that, uh, Barbra Streisand cloned her dogs. Did you read that?

Joe Rogan 0:44 I heard about that. Jamie told me. (laughs) Jesus Christ.

Rory Albanese 0:46 (laughs) It's like the weirdest thing, dude. She has two dogs from one.

Joe Rogan 0:50 Mm. That's weird.

Rory Albanese 0:50 She made two clones of her f- favorite dog.

Joe Rogan 0:53 That is like the polar opposite of adopt, don't shop.

Rory Albanese 0:56 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:56 It's like you can't get any further.

Rory Albanese 0:58 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 0:58 It costs like $100,000.

Joe Rogan 1:00 Oh my God.

Rory Albanese 1:00 Of course, of course it does. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02 She can't have a different shape. It's impossible.

Rory Albanese 1:04 Nope.

Joe Rogan 1:04 Can't be a different dog.

Rory Albanese 1:05 Mm-mm.

Joe Rogan 1:05 It's impossible.

Rory Albanese 1:06 Yeah. It's a, it's a weird, it's a weird move. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:09 So far, I c- man, I'm, if you really believe that personality comes from that, if it's the same thing, like if it just looks the same? You don't want it to just look the same, do you?

Rory Albanese 1:19 No. It's supposed to be, uh, an identical clone of your original dog.

Joe Rogan 1:22 What if it's-

Rory Albanese 1:22 So it's-

Joe Rogan 1:22 ... really, really-

Rory Albanese 1:23 It really kinda would answer-

Joe Rogan 1:24 ... stupid.

Rory Albanese 1:24 But it- (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:24 What if it's your favorite dog-

Rory Albanese 1:26 Like multiplicity? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:27 ... but this time, it just shit all over the place and walking into walls.

Rory Albanese 1:29 We've got bad news, Joe.

Joe Rogan 1:31 Ruff.

Rory Albanese 1:31 It doesn't have an asshole.

Joe Rogan 1:32 Ruff.

Rory Albanese 1:32 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:33 (laughs) It just, it just didn't work all the way.

Rory Albanese 1:34 Yeah. We got it-

Joe Rogan 1:35 It worked most of the way. It looks like him.

Rory Albanese 1:37 Like 94% your dog, and then, you know, it's missing an asshole.

Joe Rogan 1:40 Yeah. It's 30% as smart as your last dog.

Rory Albanese 1:43 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:43 Which is pretty good 'cause your last dog was a genius.

Rory Albanese 1:45 Also, there's another dog attached to it-

Joe Rogan 1:48 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 1:48 (laughs) ... that's walking in a different direction. So it's-

Joe Rogan 1:51 They eventually gotta pull each other apart. But for now, you have each other.

Rory Albanese 1:53 But for now, yeah, you got six to eight weeks with these weird two-headed beasts. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:57 (laughs) For 100 grand.

Rory Albanese 1:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:59 Or you could just go to the pound.

Rory Albanese 2:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:01 The, the pound-

Rory Albanese 2:02 For free.

Joe Rogan 2:02 ... there is, I have a story that I do in my act about a pound dog that I had. I had a pound dog that killed one of my dogs.

Rory Albanese 2:08 Wow.

Joe Rogan 2:09 Pound dogs are tricky, man. Y- you know, you get a-

Rory Albanese 2:11 W-

Joe Rogan 2:11 ... dog that's been in, like, a shelter for a long time.

Rory Albanese 2:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:16 Like sometimes they, they're in there for months. They come out highly aggressive.

Rory Albanese 2:20 And, um, like my dog-

Joe Rogan 2:21 Some of them.

Rory Albanese 2:22 My dog's-

Joe Rogan 2:22 Some of them don't.

Rory Albanese 2:22 ... a shelter dog, but I got her, I mean, she's 13 now. But when I got her, she was a puppy, you know, and they found, she was a stray puppy. She was a little black Lab, like, just wandering in the Bronx when they found her.

Joe Rogan 2:31 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 2:31 And I got her probably, like, three days after they found her.

Joe Rogan 2:35 What age do you think a dog would have to be? Like, you gotta imagine, like, a certain amount of abuse that a dog suffers early in its life before it gets to the pound has gotta really fuck with its head.

Rory Albanese 2:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 2:45 Right?

Rory Albanese 2:45 I think-

Joe Rogan 2:45 Like, there's dogs that you get at the pound, you're essentially, like, taking on an abused organism.

Rory Albanese 2:50 Completely.

Joe Rogan 2:51 It's not, it's not just that it doesn't have a home. It's that it might've been in dog fights. Like, I'm pretty sure that mine e- either its family was in dog fights or it was in a dog fight. And there's, you know, people around you that are probably kicking you and beating you and-

Rory Albanese 3:05 Oh, yeah. Or you're tied up for hours at a time. You, like you, you know, you have no free rein. I mean, who knows? But I do think dogs can be rehabilitated, but I do think it takes ... You have to have a, a ... Look, to even have a dog be a good dog, right?

Joe Rogan 3:18 I don't know enough.

Rory Albanese 3:18 Like to ha- like I have a, I had, when I had my puppy, like, I worked with my dog so much.

Joe Rogan 3:23 Mm.

Rory Albanese 3:23 And she's a great dog. Like, I can walk in New York City without a leash and she just follows me. She stops.

Joe Rogan 3:28 Oh, really?

Rory Albanese 3:28 Yeah. She's amazing.

Joe Rogan 3:29 That's-

Rory Albanese 3:29 But-

Joe Rogan 3:29 ... amazing.

Rory Albanese 3:30 ... but I worked so hard. And then if you add to that, you have to first like de-

Joe Rogan 3:35 Right.

Rory Albanese 3:36 ... you know, like, uh, brainwash them or like-

Joe Rogan 3:38 Right.

Rory Albanese 3:38 ... get them over the anxieties they have. Like, there are certain dogs that just hate men 'cause obviously in their former home, i- there was an abusive man in the house, and you know-

Joe Rogan 3:46 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 3:46 ... they react differently to men than women. You know, it's, it's-

Joe Rogan 3:48 Sure.

Rory Albanese 3:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:49 Yeah. I mean, you never know. A d- a dog can't tell you what it's seen, you know?

Rory Albanese 3:53 Nope.

Joe Rogan 3:54 I had one dog that I adopted. She was two, and she had mange all over her body, like all over her body. And she looked terrible, man. And they caught her, um, eating out of garbage cans-

Rory Albanese 4:05 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 4:05 ... in front of this, uh, family's house that rescues pit bulls. And, uh, I took her in, and, like, within a month, she had hair on her body. She looked great. She was healthy. Sweetest dog.

Rory Albanese 4:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:18 Sweetest dog with people. But if another dog got too close, she would fuck that dog up.

Rory Albanese 4:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:24 It was like she was, like, protecting what she had. It was r- it was-

Rory Albanese 4:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:28 ... real hard to have an aggressive, like, pound dog.

Rory Albanese 4:32 Yeah. And, uh, depending on their size.

Joe Rogan 4:34 Or wild dog.

Rory Albanese 4:34 But it, it is, like, the thing I would always sh- tell people to try to do first 'cause I am a big, like, adopt, don't shop guy. And I think-

Joe Rogan 4:40 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 4:40 Like, if you go to a dog pound, like-

Joe Rogan 4:42 You could find some amazing dogs.

Rory Albanese 4:43 One, uh, where I, where I got my dog, if you go ... Which is like Animal Care and Control in New York City, like they euthanize like 100 dogs a day.

Joe Rogan 4:50 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 4:50 Like, it's literally just like their dogs are coming in all the time.

Joe Rogan 4:54 Dude.

Rory Albanese 4:54 Dogs with stab wounds, dogs they find in the park half to-

Joe Rogan 4:57 Mm.

Rory Albanese 4:57 And then they, like, they have five days in that pound, and then they're out. So it's a good ... I was, when I was there, this is again, like 13 years ago. But when I was getting my dog, and I was waiting to pick her up, this woman came in with two Rottweilers, beautiful Rottweilers on leashes, and she goes, "I don't want these anymore."

Joe Rogan 5:14 Oh, man.

Rory Albanese 5:14 And the, and the lady behind the counter is like, "Well, what do you mean?" Like, that, you know? And then she was like, "I, I just can't handle them." And then they like took the leash, and she walked out, and then there were just these two d- now I don't know if they were trained to kill or not. I wasn't gonna be like, "Add two Rottweilers to my tab." (laughs) You know?

Joe Rogan 5:27 Yeah. You can't do that.

Rory Albanese 5:28 But who knows? I, I have no, I knew nothing about them. But I'm like, well, in five days, those dogs are dead 'cause they're like four-year-old Rottweilers.

Joe Rogan 5:33 I had a Doberman that we adopted as a ki- when I was a kid, and it had distemper, and it, uh-

Rory Albanese 5:39 Which means what?

Joe Rogan 5:39 It's a disease that makes them really aggressive.

Rory Albanese 5:42 Oh.

Joe Rogan 5:42 In this crazy way. The dog turned on us.

Rory Albanese 5:44 That's scary.

Joe Rogan 5:45 Oh, dude. It was so scary. I was like (sighs) . I couldn't have been more than 12. I was like maybe 12, somewhere around then, and this big ass Doberman is like showing its teeth and barking and snapping at us.

Rory Albanese 5:59 That's scary.

Joe Rogan 6:00 And out of nowhere.

Rory Albanese 6:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:01 It was the sweetest dog before, and then all of a sudden it's on the couch, like, looking down on us, and we were like, "Whoa. What is happening here?" And so, um-... they, um, they came and, um, took the dog, I think? Or did we take the dog to the pound? I don't remember what happened. Or to the vet, rather. And then they, um, ran an examination on the dog and they're like, "This dog has distemper." So we just, we had got it with this-

Rory Albanese 6:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:26 ... weird disease that-

Rory Albanese 6:27 And that's like, you can't have that in a house with kids.

Joe Rogan 6:29 I don't know what the fuck they ... Well, I was a kid at the time-

Rory Albanese 6:31 Right.

Joe Rogan 6:31 ... and my parents weren't having it, but I don't remember like ... I don't remember too much about it.

Rory Albanese 6:35 Yeah, they sent him to a farm, Joe. They sent him-

Joe Rogan 6:37 I just remember that dog on the couch. I just remember that dog on the couch showing its teeth-

Rory Albanese 6:41 Yes.

Joe Rogan 6:41 ... snapping at us.

Rory Albanese 6:42 Scary.

Joe Rogan 6:42 And I was like, "Oh, shit. We brought home a dog, a full-grown dog-

Rory Albanese 6:47 Yep.

Joe Rogan 6:47 ... that has a disease."

Rory Albanese 6:48 My, uh, my, uh, mom's cousin ... So my like second cousin was married to a dude for a number of years who had this Rottweiler that was like a ps- psychotic dog. And like at one point it jumped through their bay glass windows in f- in their house to try to get the mailman and got caught-

Joe Rogan 7:04 Oh my God.

Rory Albanese 7:04 ... between the two windows and was like ... It was fine. I mean, it, you know, it had stitches and they had to pull some glass out of it, but it like didn't impact the dog. That's how ... And it dove through a window. It just didn't make it off ... Like it would've-

Joe Rogan 7:15 To get to the mailman.

Rory Albanese 7:15 ... it would've like killed the mail ... It was just 'cause if somebody was walking up their porch, you know?

Joe Rogan 7:19 Jesus Christ.

Rory Albanese 7:20 And the dog just ... And that, and that same ... Like almost ... The one time like my grandparents had a house upstate and they were there. Like my brother opened the door and it came at him. You know, it was just like ... But some people just like having like a scary dog (laughs) , you know? I don't know.

Joe Rogan 7:32 Yeah. Yeah.

Rory Albanese 7:32 I ... Like that's not the kinda dog you just want around a kid. You know? It's just-

Joe Rogan 7:35 No.

Rory Albanese 7:36 People get killed by that. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:37 Yeah. It, it certainly can happen.

Rory Albanese 7:39 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 7:39 Especially if it's like really aggressive with people like that. Like, Jesus, that's so dangerous.

Rory Albanese 7:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:44 That's a monster.

Rory Albanese 7:44 Yeah. And they're huge. Rottweilers are like 145 pounds.

Joe Rogan 7:48 Big fucking animals, man. That's a big animal.

Rory Albanese 7:50 It is.

Joe Rogan 7:51 Those big males with those big fucking frying pan heads.

Rory Albanese 7:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:55 And they're giant flat heads.

Rory Albanese 7:56 It's funny too 'cause we're talking about like genetic modifications or cloning, but really, dogs, if you look at them historically, that, they've been that the whole time. Like men have m- m- man has manipulated what they wanted out of certain animals.

Joe Rogan 8:08 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 8:08 And like they've bred the, the, the meanest, toughest ones to be guard dogs, and they've bred the cutest take a piss on a paper mat ones to be lap dogs (laughs) , you know?

Joe Rogan 8:17 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 8:17 Those are all choices that were made.

Joe Rogan 8:19 By humans.

Rory Albanese 8:20 Yeah, by humans. And over time they've like, by continued breeding of ones that were the same and same and same, you end up with like, you know, breeds and things. Like ma- man really like played a huge role in the kind of, kind of dogs that are out there.

Joe Rogan 8:29 I think man did the whole thing.

Rory Albanese 8:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:30 'Cause when they did the, the genome, when they mapped out the DNA-

Rory Albanese 8:34 It's just a wolf.

Joe Rogan 8:34 ... it's a wolf, yeah.

Rory Albanese 8:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:35 Every dog is a wolf.

Rory Albanese 8:36 Yeah. No matter how big the dog is.

Joe Rogan 8:38 Isn't that crazy?

Rory Albanese 8:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:39 Like think about how powerful and terrifying and majestic a wolf is, right?

Rory Albanese 8:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:44 I mean, it's one of the most amazing creatures-

Rory Albanese 8:46 Badass creatures. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:46 ... in the forest.

Rory Albanese 8:47 Couldn't agree more.

Joe Rogan 8:48 And we found just the one that was just slightly bitch ass.

Rory Albanese 8:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:52 Just slightly bitch ass. We're like, "Come on at the campfire, bro."

Rory Albanese 8:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:55 "Dude, we got free food."

Rory Albanese 8:56 Yeah, and he's like, "Oh, bacon's good." Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:58 "Oh, okay. Okay."

Rory Albanese 8:59 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 8:59 "Just, hey man, I don't like your ears poking up like this, dude."

Rory Albanese 9:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:02 "Just relax."

Rory Albanese 9:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:03 "Just relax with your ears. I think you're too alert."

Rory Albanese 9:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:05 "Like you're looking to kill me."

Rory Albanese 9:06 And then they're ... And then they found a f- a male that was like that too and they were like-

Joe Rogan 9:09 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 9:09 ... "We should-"

Joe Rogan 9:10 Get 'em together.

Rory Albanese 9:11 "... make these two before they're gonna do something to me," you know?

Joe Rogan 9:11 Yeah. They figured out a way to get the bitch ass family to stay-

Rory Albanese 9:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:14 ... real close to them to fuck each other.

Rory Albanese 9:15 Bitches like let ... They were like, "Let's take the two smallest ones and make them do it." And then, you know?

Joe Rogan 9:19 (laughs) And then they probably invented dog houses.

Rory Albanese 9:21 And then you all of a sudden-

Joe Rogan 9:21 And I bet dog houses changed the game.

Rory Albanese 9:23 You think so?

Joe Rogan 9:24 As soon as you put a roof over them-

Rory Albanese 9:24 'Cause they had some privacy. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:25 ... they're like, "This is amazing."

Rory Albanese 9:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:27 They're like, "We're in."

Rory Albanese 9:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:28 "I don't have to be a wolf."

Rory Albanese 9:29 Absolutely.

Joe Rogan 9:29 "All this extra hair, it's covered in shit."

Rory Albanese 9:31 "I'm not having to hunt every day." It's like-

Joe Rogan 9:32 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 9:32 ... "This is great."

Joe Rogan 9:33 "I want white curly hair."

Rory Albanese 9:34 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:34 "I'm a poodle now, motherfucker."

Rory Albanese 9:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 9:37 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 9:37 "Excuse me, I'd like a perm."

Joe Rogan 9:39 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 9:39 "And, uh-"

Joe Rogan 9:40 A perm! And the fucking-

Rory Albanese 9:41 "And a bed with my name on it, please."

Joe Rogan 9:43 Where they shave them down and then they make them like puffy where their feet are.

Rory Albanese 9:45 Oh my God, yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:46 This is a, this is a-

Rory Albanese 9:46 So funny.

Joe Rogan 9:47 ... amazingly foofoo dog, but it's still a dog. That dog will fuck you up.

Rory Albanese 9:50 Yep.

Joe Rogan 9:51 Some of those poodles are ruthless.

Rory Albanese 9:53 Dude-

Joe Rogan 9:53 You gotta be careful around a poodle.

Rory Albanese 9:54 ... have a little Chihuahua was mean. Those things will come at you.

Joe Rogan 9:55 Poodles probably have a attitude too, like no one takes them seriously.

Rory Albanese 9:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 9:58 Like if you had a ... "Yo, I got a bunch of guard dogs." "What, what do you got?" "They're 90 pound poodles."

Rory Albanese 10:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:03 People just shut the fuck up.

Rory Albanese 10:05 Oh my God.

Joe Rogan 10:05 But that's still a dog.

Rory Albanese 10:07 Yeah it is.

Joe Rogan 10:07 That thing ... It would be so funny if that thing that looked like a, a Barbie toy-

Rory Albanese 10:12 Oh my God.

Joe Rogan 10:13 ... right? It looks like a Barbie toy.

Rory Albanese 10:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:14 It doesn't even look like a real dog. That dog will fuck you up. It'll bite your dick off. (laughs)

Rory Albanese 10:18 (laughs) But I have to say, I, I feel bad when I see dogs have that haircut 'cause like they have no part in it. You know what I mean? Like they're just h-

Joe Rogan 10:24 Look at these dogs. (laughs)

Rory Albanese 10:25 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:26 Jamie showed us a picture of dogs with braids.

Rory Albanese 10:28 Unreal.

Joe Rogan 10:29 Okay, now seriously, is that-

Rory Albanese 10:30 Look, those dogs are wearing slippers.

Joe Rogan 10:31 Is that cultural appropriation?

Rory Albanese 10:33 (laughs) A little bit.

Joe Rogan 10:33 How does that work?

Rory Albanese 10:34 A little bit.

Joe Rogan 10:35 I feel like it might be.

Rory Albanese 10:36 They're white dogs.

Joe Rogan 10:37 (clears throat) They're stealing from Santa Claus. Look at the colors.

Rory Albanese 10:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:39 They got Santa's gang colors.

Rory Albanese 10:41 God, and people just ... You know? Like d- ugh, it's just-

Joe Rogan 10:44 What in the fuck is that?

Rory Albanese 10:45 ... that's not okay.

Joe Rogan 10:46 What in the fuck did they do to this dog? We're looking at a dog, its body is a-

Rory Albanese 10:50 That's abuse.

Joe Rogan 10:50 ... is a pink snail, and I'm not joking. It looks like a pink snail, like a swirly with, with hot pink accents. Is that how you'd say it?

Rory Albanese 10:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 10:59 Stripes? Accents?

Rory Albanese 11:00 And its, its back leg is a flower.

Joe Rogan 11:02 Yeah, it's fucking preposterous.

Rory Albanese 11:04 Spray painted. They spray painted the dog.

Joe Rogan 11:05 They spray painted the dog. That dog is dying.

Rory Albanese 11:08 That's-

Joe Rogan 11:09 Chemicals. It has green hair too. It's like he-

Rory Albanese 11:11 It's like the ... it says, "The poodles transformed into pandas, horses and-"

Joe Rogan 11:14 Okay, don't do that, you fucks.

Rory Albanese 11:15 "... and even snails."

Joe Rogan 11:16 You've seen the ones where they-

Rory Albanese 11:17 That's so messed up.

Joe Rogan 11:17 ... they take certain dogs and they make them look like a lion? What dog do they do that with?

Rory Albanese 11:20 Like a camel.

Joe Rogan 11:22 What the fuck did they do to this dog? They turned a dog into a camel.

Rory Albanese 11:26 Oh my God. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:26 This is some cr-

Rory Albanese 11:27 That's the same dog?

Joe Rogan 11:27 People are such assholes.

Rory Albanese 11:28 This is so mean.

Joe Rogan 11:29 This is just the same dog?

Rory Albanese 11:30 This is abuse.

Joe Rogan 11:31 Come on.

Jamie Vernon 11:32 It says Cindy the poodle right here.

Rory Albanese 11:33 Yeah, this is as bad-

Joe Rogan 11:34 Oh, Christ.

Rory Albanese 11:34 ... as like hitting a dog, in my opinion.

Joe Rogan 11:36 So Cindy the poodle just is a new look every year-

Rory Albanese 11:38 Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 11:38 ... like Madonna in the '90s.

Rory Albanese 11:40 Oh, Cindy, I'm so sorry.

Jamie Vernon 11:42 Cindy right here, looks like a dog snail.

Rory Albanese 11:42 Cindy.

Joe Rogan 11:43 Oh my God, Cindy. What kind of-

Rory Albanese 11:45 Here's a panda.

Joe Rogan 11:45 ... wacky parents ... Oh my God.

Rory Albanese 11:46 No. Okay, that's a different dog.

Joe Rogan 11:47 They, they turned this dog into a panda. Like you mean-

Rory Albanese 11:48 That's so messed up.

Joe Rogan 11:49 ... it's hair white and black and-

Jamie Vernon 11:51 Oh my God.

Joe Rogan 11:51 Can you imagine coming over to someone's house and you see their dog, "You got a fucking bear in your house!"

Rory Albanese 11:55 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 11:56 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:56 "Bro, I'm not into exotic wildlife."

Rory Albanese 11:58 "Excuse me, you have a camel and a panda in your front yard."

Joe Rogan 12:00 "Hey, dude, um, I can't pet your bear. I can't pet your bear. I have family."

Rory Albanese 12:04 Oh, this is mean, dude.

Joe Rogan 12:05 They turned it into a horse. This is-

Rory Albanese 12:07 (laughs) It's Steeler.

Joe Rogan 12:07 They turned it into a football player.

Rory Albanese 12:09 It's fricking Steeler.

Joe Rogan 12:10 For folks who are just listening-

Rory Albanese 12:12 This is terrible.

Joe Rogan 12:12 ... what is the name of this, Jamie? Because we have to tell people about this.

Rory Albanese 12:15 ... it's a-

Jamie Vernon 12:16 Poodles transformed into pandas.

Rory Albanese 12:18 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 12:18 Horses, snails, et cetera.

Rory Albanese 12:21 It's on the Daily Mail.

Joe Rogan 12:21 Yeah. Just, just Google that and you'll find it. It's-

Rory Albanese 12:23 The Daily Mail link.

Joe Rogan 12:24 Um, oh my God.

Rory Albanese 12:24 I think, one of them's a buffalo.

Joe Rogan 12:25 One of them, they turn into a bison. Did they put a mask on it? Did they glue a mask to its head?

Rory Albanese 12:29 I don't-

Joe Rogan 12:30 These are monsters, these people.

Rory Albanese 12:31 Yeah, these are horrible people.

Joe Rogan 12:31 What'd they do to the dog? They gave him a muzzle?

Jamie Vernon 12:33 It's... The dog... It hits the muzzle, yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:34 They put a muzzle on it, so it looks like a football helmet.

Rory Albanese 12:36 To complete that... He could, he could be a football player from the '30s, you know. He had to have one of the face masks. (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 12:40 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 12:40 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:40 What'd they put, a wig on? How'd they do the buffalo? The buffalo doesn't even make sense.

Jamie Vernon 12:44 The rooster.

Joe Rogan 12:44 Scroll back up again. (laughs) The rooster. Scroll back up to the buffalo. Where's its head?

Rory Albanese 12:49 Yeah, where's its nose?

Joe Rogan 12:49 Where's its actual head? Oh, so they put something over its head?

Rory Albanese 12:52 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 12:53 Look at that. It looks like they put a outfit on him. Where's his head?

Rory Albanese 12:57 This seems mean.

Jamie Vernon 12:58 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:58 This is mean.

Jamie Vernon 12:59 It's got like extra ears.

Rory Albanese 13:00 Seems mean.

Joe Rogan 13:00 I think they put a mask on him, it looks like. This is so (laughs) fucked up.

Rory Albanese 13:03 So crazy.

Joe Rogan 13:04 They're like, "Now you're a werewolf." "No, I'm just a dog, man."

Rory Albanese 13:07 Oh, God.

Joe Rogan 13:07 Can I just be a fucking dog?"

Rory Albanese 13:08 Peacock dog.

Jamie Vernon 13:09 Yeah, it's... The last one.

Joe Rogan 13:10 Oh, the last one they turned into a peacock.

Rory Albanese 13:11 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:11 They literally glued feathers to its ass.

Rory Albanese 13:13 That is just... Everything about this is terrible.

Joe Rogan 13:14 What do you think of... It's just... It looks like it might be actually just standing there, and they have the feathers propped up against the wall.

Rory Albanese 13:20 Possibly.

Joe Rogan 13:20 Am I, am I seeing that correctly?

Rory Albanese 13:21 But the other stuff is done to it.

Joe Rogan 13:23 I think that's what I'm seeing is painted on the-

Jamie Vernon 13:24 It has some wings painted on the-

Joe Rogan 13:25 ... back of the platform there, yeah.

Rory Albanese 13:26 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 13:26 Yeah, it's unfortunate.

Rory Albanese 13:28 Not nice.

Joe Rogan 13:29 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 13:29 I don't like it.

Joe Rogan 13:30 It just seems like you got a dog for the wrong reason, you know?

Rory Albanese 13:33 I know.

Joe Rogan 13:33 You know? Go get a fucking Mr. Potato Head.

Rory Albanese 13:35 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:35 Don't get a dog... (laughs) That's a dog.

Rory Albanese 13:38 Yeah, that's true. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:39 What the fuck are we doing? How about decorate your house?

Rory Albanese 13:41 It's so weird. Don't...

Joe Rogan 13:42 Don't decorate the goddamn dog.

Rory Albanese 13:43 Don't. Man, it's just-

Joe Rogan 13:44 Christ.

Rory Albanese 13:45 I don't know. People are, uh, are terrible. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:49 They're gross.

Rory Albanese 13:50 They just are. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:50 They're gross. But-

Rory Albanese 13:50 They make so many bad decisions.

Joe Rogan 13:51 But it's interesting, like, that, you know, like, one of the things that was coming out of South Korea during the Olympics was people were talking about, um, in Asian countries, the consumption of dogs. It became a big hot point issue with a lot of people.

Rory Albanese 14:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:08 It's, it is weird that we, like, choose certain animals that it's okay to kill and eat.

Rory Albanese 14:13 I could agree more, man. I think that our, our food hangups are so specific to our country. Like, I think about this all the time.

Joe Rogan 14:19 But it's... But doesn't it disturb you?

Rory Albanese 14:19 Like, a bacon egg... But a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, right-

Joe Rogan 14:22 Right.

Rory Albanese 14:22 ... is fried pig's ass, uh, unfertilized embryo, and mold.

Joe Rogan 14:28 N- well, that's not, not true.

Rory Albanese 14:29 And mold.

Joe Rogan 14:29 But it-

Rory Albanese 14:30 What do you mean?

Joe Rogan 14:30 It's an... It's an unfertilized embryo-

Rory Albanese 14:33 Isn't an unfertilized egg-

Joe Rogan 14:33 ... but nothing has to die.

Rory Albanese 14:34 Well, yeah, it's... No, nothing has to die, but it's an egg.

Joe Rogan 14:35 It just pops out, right? Yeah.

Rory Albanese 14:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:36 It's an egg.

Rory Albanese 14:36 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:37 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 14:37 And it's... Sometimes you... You ever crack an egg and there's a little, uh, chicken in there?

Joe Rogan 14:42 No.

Rory Albanese 14:42 You never had that happen to you?

Joe Rogan 14:43 I never had that. I've had little extra things in there.

Rory Albanese 14:44 No, I've had, like, a little... Almost-

Joe Rogan 14:46 Like, little growths? Really?

Rory Albanese 14:47 Yeah. Not like a full chicken, but like, oh, that's gonna be a chicken.

Joe Rogan 14:50 You know, I was, like, in my 40s before I knew that an egg couldn't become a chicken. 'Cause I never thought about how stupid it was.

Rory Albanese 14:57 Oh, that it has to get... Yeah, it had to get, uh-

Joe Rogan 14:58 The rooster had to be-

Rory Albanese 14:58 Ferment.

Joe Rogan 14:58 ... in the hen house.

Rory Albanese 14:59 Yep.

Joe Rogan 14:59 I didn't know they laid eggs-

Rory Albanese 15:01 Or are they just laying? Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:01 ... all the time.

Rory Albanese 15:02 Yep.

Joe Rogan 15:02 I didn't know that until I was in my 40s.

Rory Albanese 15:04 Yeah, I don't think I...

Joe Rogan 15:05 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 15:05 But what... You gotta be in a, you gotta be in a farm setting to know that.

Joe Rogan 15:08 But could you imagine if you were a farmer what a fucking asshole you would think somebody is that didn't know?

Rory Albanese 15:13 They, like, ripped you off on your chickens? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:14 No, that, that, someone that didn't know.

Rory Albanese 15:16 Right.

Joe Rogan 15:16 Like, "You didn't know that that couldn't just become a chicken?" Like, "No, I just..." It's like, that's... One of the things where it's l-... People that are vegetarians, I urge you to eat eggs. Eat eggs. It's a free ride.

Rory Albanese 15:28 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:28 They just give out the a-

Rory Albanese 15:28 They're coming out anyway.

Joe Rogan 15:29 They're coming out.

Rory Albanese 15:30 They're coming out anyway.

Joe Rogan 15:31 If you get it from... You can get it from a place, like, just like you can get organic grass-fed beef, you can get pasture-raised chickens.

Rory Albanese 15:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:37 They do have that. And pasture-raised chicken eggs, the, the yolks come out dark. You just gotta figure out where to get them. They're not as ex-... They're, they're more expensive, but they're not as expensive as meat, right?

Rory Albanese 15:49 No.

Joe Rogan 15:49 I mean-

Rory Albanese 15:49 No.

Joe Rogan 15:50 They're really good for you too, man.

Rory Albanese 15:51 Eggs last a surprisingly long time.

Joe Rogan 15:53 Yeah. It's a free ride.

Rory Albanese 15:54 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:54 The chicken is gonna eat all that stuff on the ground, the bugs and all the worms. If you don't wanna kill anything, just eat those eggs.

Rory Albanese 16:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:00 It's good for you.

Rory Albanese 16:01 Very good for you.

Joe Rogan 16:02 They're fucking amazing for you.

Rory Albanese 16:04 Ah, I'm a, I'm a big egg fan.

Joe Rogan 16:04 Goddamn, I'm, I'm anti-egg propaganda.

Rory Albanese 16:07 I'm a big egg fan.

Joe Rogan 16:07 I love eggs.

Rory Albanese 16:09 I love eggs. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:09 I-

Rory Albanese 16:09 I could eat eggs every morning.

Joe Rogan 16:11 I do.

Rory Albanese 16:11 Just... Yeah, basically.

Joe Rogan 16:12 I eat them almost every day.

Rory Albanese 16:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:13 Yeah. I just think that it's a... One of the most karma-free things.

Rory Albanese 16:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:19 Like, you got a exchange with these animals. Like, I have an exchange. I give the animals food. They eat the food, they lay the eggs. I'm nice to them. I come into their little caged area, they don't run from me. They come around, I give them little treats and shit.

Rory Albanese 16:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:31 They're like pets.

Rory Albanese 16:32 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:32 They have this really cool life, they get to wander around. Occasionally, they get jacked by coyotes.

Rory Albanese 16:37 Really?

Joe Rogan 16:38 I've had, uh, three people jacked-

Rory Albanese 16:40 But how, how, how much-

Joe Rogan 16:41 ... by coyotes.

Rory Albanese 16:41 Are they... They're not, they're not in a coop?

Joe Rogan 16:43 At least two. One of them, I'm suspicious.

Rory Albanese 16:46 You don't, you don't have them in a coop?

Joe Rogan 16:47 Man, it's a fucked up story. I've told it before, I'll, uh, briefly tell it again. My, um, mastiff got honey dicked by a female coyote.

Rory Albanese 16:55 Oh, my God.

Joe Rogan 16:56 And, uh, he thought the coyote was his buddy. And he got to... Now, this is... I should say that my gender, g-... You know, like, gender identifying with this coyote, I did not have a chance to, like, really closely examine it. I'm just being, uh...

Rory Albanese 17:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:14 It's for the, the good of the story. This is what I think. This is my theory.

Rory Albanese 17:17 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 17:18 I think it's a littler coyote, and I really think it was a female. It was hanging around my house for a while, and it talked my dog into knocking down a fence. And he's huge.

Rory Albanese 17:26 Okay.

Joe Rogan 17:26 And when he got through the fence, he got to the chicken coop. And one of the chickens, uh, was doing a thing called brooding. And when they brood, they, they're convinced that if they sit on their egg, that that egg is going to turn into a chicken.

Rory Albanese 17:40 Okay.

Joe Rogan 17:40 They're fucking convinced. They just get nut.

Rory Albanese 17:42 They get, they get, like, a little depressed.

Joe Rogan 17:43 They get, they get nutty.

Rory Albanese 17:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:44 And what you have to do when they're brooding is you have to take them off of the nest and put them in a, a cage by themselves with just a perch. So they just sit on the perch for, like, a day or two-

Rory Albanese 17:53 Okay.

Joe Rogan 17:53 ... and then it leaves their system.

Rory Albanese 17:55 Okay.

Joe Rogan 17:55 But if you let them lay on it, it'll take, like, 30 days.

Rory Albanese 17:57 Okay.

Joe Rogan 17:57 It takes them long, then they pluck their hair.

Rory Albanese 17:58 But how do, how do you-

Joe Rogan 17:59 They pluck their, uh, their, their feathers off.

Rory Albanese 18:02 But, so how, how often are you monitoring your chickens that you're like, "Oh, we got a brooder"? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:06 Oh, it's pretty, it's pretty, uh, evident.

Rory Albanese 18:08 It's pretty obvious?

Joe Rogan 18:09 Yeah, you look at them every day. If they're... If one of them is in the, um, the, the hen box, like, where they lay their eggs (clears throat) , and she's, um, like, getting weird when you get near, like... (imitates chicken clucking)

Rory Albanese 18:19 Okay.

Joe Rogan 18:19 They'll get... They're a little weird with you, and they'll, uh, uh, peck at you a little bit, like... (imitates pecking)

Rory Albanese 18:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:22 Not... They don't try to hurt you, but they're like, "Get the fuck away from me."

Rory Albanese 18:24 They're pro- they're protecting what they think is-

Joe Rogan 18:26 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 18:26 Uh, uh-

Joe Rogan 18:26 I think there's a baby in there.

Rory Albanese 18:27 Oh, man, that's sad.

Joe Rogan 18:28 Yeah, it's, it is. It is. But what's the alternative? You got a bunch of cocks in your yard?

Rory Albanese 18:33 Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:34 Just jacking all these poor hens?

Rory Albanese 18:35 Just, just cock walking around.

Joe Rogan 18:35 They're all running away, and he's like... (clucks)

Rory Albanese 18:38 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 18:38 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:38 I'd be watching chicken rape in my backyard 24/7.

Rory Albanese 18:41 Yeah, but maybe, like, once in a while-

Joe Rogan 18:43 I don't-

Rory Albanese 18:43 ... bring a cock in to, you know, give him a weekend. That's all.

Joe Rogan 18:45 But we need his...... bird birth control. I don't want these-

Rory Albanese 18:48 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 18:49 ... chickens shitting out kids.

Rory Albanese 18:50 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 18:50 I could bring in a couple of roosters.

Rory Albanese 18:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:52 I'm willing to make a few adjustments.

Rory Albanese 18:54 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 18:54 This is what I want. I want sever the rooster's vocal cords. (laughs)

Rory Albanese 18:58 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 18:58 I don't wanna hear that shit at 5:00 in the morning. Yeah, we know the sun's coming up-

Rory Albanese 19:01 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:01 ... you piece of shit.

Rory Albanese 19:02 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:02 Right?

Rory Albanese 19:02 Siri told me. Siri told me.

Joe Rogan 19:05 Yeah. (laughs)

Rory Albanese 19:05 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:05 And, um, that would be one. And then, uh, make it so his dick doesn't work. Like, uh, like, his, his sperm.

Rory Albanese 19:12 He, you, like, uh, what do you call that? Uh-

Joe Rogan 19:14 Yeah, give him a little fix-it job.

Rory Albanese 19:16 Yeah, a little fix-it snap-em.

Joe Rogan 19:16 And just let him bang it out for pleasure.

Rory Albanese 19:18 Huh. Yeah, that probably be-

Joe Rogan 19:20 And occasionally, you'll let one fertile male in, just go in this-

Rory Albanese 19:22 I think the-

Joe Rogan 19:23 ... brick house when you need-

Rory Albanese 19:23 ... I think a rooster without a voice is not gonna be a, uh, a, you're gonna have a brooding rooster on your hands.

Joe Rogan 19:27 Hmm.

Rory Albanese 19:28 You know? That's gonna take what the rooster, you know, it's half of its-

Joe Rogan 19:31 Half of his voice.

Rory Albanese 19:31 ... it's half of its identity, man. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:32 Yeah, what an, a-

Rory Albanese 19:33 How, what a piece of shit I am. No, I'm just saying, like, you know-

Joe Rogan 19:35 Denying his roosters.

Rory Albanese 19:36 So, I've seen people who have to clip their dog's vocal cords 'cause their dogs bark so much.

Joe Rogan 19:39 I've heard of that before.

Rory Albanese 19:40 I'm like, that's fucking-

Joe Rogan 19:41 That's dark.

Rory Albanese 19:41 ... crazy, man.

Joe Rogan 19:42 That is. It is annoying when they bark at you, though.

Rory Albanese 19:44 Sure.

Joe Rogan 19:45 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 19:46 But it just, I would say try training it.

Joe Rogan 19:47 Female chickens have the weirdest birth control method ever. Ooh, what is it?

Rory Albanese 19:50 Did you know about that?

Joe Rogan 19:51 No, what is it?

Rory Albanese 19:53 It's gotta be a chemical.

Joe Rogan 19:54 Chickens have long known to automa- eject sperm-

Rory Albanese 19:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:58 ... after doing the deed.

Rory Albanese 20:00 Wow.

Joe Rogan 20:00 That wasn't well established, uh, what wasn't was, well established was the underlying reason for what's technically known as seminal evacuation. I like how they give us a technical term.

Rory Albanese 20:10 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:10 'Cause now I understand it better.

Rory Albanese 20:12 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:13 I would prefer it's technically termed, just call it shooting jizz.

Rory Albanese 20:17 Yeah. Jizz, the jizz shot.

Joe Rogan 20:19 But in a recently published paper, a team led by Oxford researcher, Rebecca Dean, explains that this behavior is, in fact, far from random and that the tendency for females to jettison sperm is actually finely tuned mechanism of post-copulatory sexual selection.

Rory Albanese 20:34 Wow.

Joe Rogan 20:35 Wow.

Rory Albanese 20:36 Wow. That's weird.

Joe Rogan 20:38 Dude.

Rory Albanese 20:40 Uh, what, that'd be a weird thing to see, right? Mm-hmm. Walk into a chicken coop and-

Joe Rogan 20:44 Just a chicken going, "Deny your sperm."

Rory Albanese 20:46 ... and the chicken just, pff, flirts. Shoots a little- Well, uh-

Joe Rogan 20:48 Like, what would be the, like, evolutionary advantage, not that you're a biologist, nor am I-

Rory Albanese 20:53 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:53 ... we should probably stop there.

Rory Albanese 20:55 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 20:55 But what would be the evolutionary advantage of being able to shoot sperm out? Like, just decide-

Rory Albanese 20:58 I don't know, maybe it's like you get a vibe from that rooster-

Joe Rogan 21:01 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 21:01 ... that he's an asshole.

Joe Rogan 21:01 Yeah, like, I don't wanna have his kids.

Rory Albanese 21:02 You know? Where I wasn't, I, I, I wasn't consent. I didn't say yes to that.

Joe Rogan 21:06 Tired of his, tired of his bullshit.

Rory Albanese 21:07 Yeah. (laughs) Who knows?

Joe Rogan 21:08 I'm like his ro- his crow.

Rory Albanese 21:09 Yeah. We're like... (crows)

Joe Rogan 21:11 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 21:11 Why, why did he, why did he take me last? You know what I mean? Why, why did I have to wait for four other, you know, chickens?

Joe Rogan 21:16 I wonder if rooster crows are like, um, like those, that's what it's called, right? A crow? When they s- the crow, crow, crow, crow.

Rory Albanese 21:22 Yeah, I think so.

Joe Rogan 21:23 I wonder if that-

Rory Albanese 21:24 Yeah, it is a crow.

Joe Rogan 21:24 ... is like national anthems, in that some people nail it and some people just overdo it.

Rory Albanese 21:29 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:31 (laughs) Like, like-

Rory Albanese 21:31 And some chickens kneel during it.

Joe Rogan 21:33 ... like some pens are just like, "Jesus Christ, we get it."

Rory Albanese 21:37 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:37 "You're awake. You're awake. We get it."

Rory Albanese 21:42 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 21:43 (crows)

Rory Albanese 21:43 Yeah. "We got it the first time."

Joe Rogan 21:45 Oh, say, can you see-

Rory Albanese 21:49 Yeah, maybe that's-

Joe Rogan 21:51 ... by the dawn's early light.

Rory Albanese 21:51 ... that's the determining factor in if they... When that, you know, you're like, nah.

Joe Rogan 21:58 Yeah, well, that's what-

Rory Albanese 21:58 It's not supposed to be that long. It's a shorter song than you're doing.

Joe Rogan 22:02 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 22:03 You're doing a totally different song.

Joe Rogan 22:04 And you're doing that, you're doing that thing with your voice that, uh-

Rory Albanese 22:07 Yeah, you're doing the Whitney Houston thing.

Joe Rogan 22:08 ... Simon Cowell would tell you not to do. Yeah, they love that thing, though.

Rory Albanese 22:10 100 thing, 100%-

Joe Rogan 22:11 They show it.

Rory Albanese 22:11 ... of the time.

Joe Rogan 22:12 I wish I could do that thing. It's jealous.

Rory Albanese 22:13 Yeah, when I lived in the East Village in New York City, uh, back when, like, year 2000, 1999, it was a, it was, it hadn't really been like a, you know, a neighborhood, uh, that was de- gentrified or whatever you wanna call it at the time. And there was a lot of roosters in the neighborhood. Like, these parking lots, they had these, like, empty lots where there were no buildings and people just had chickens and roosters outside. So I would, I was like, I don't know, 22 years old, sleeping in my apartment in the West Village, and every mor- in the East Village, rather. And in every morning, I'd wake up to a roo- a rooster crowing, like, every morning. And then after a while, the community started hanging these signs, like, "Are you sick of the roosters?" Like, and then they, I was like, "Oh, they're turning on the dudes who own the roosters." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 22:52 Dude.

Rory Albanese 22:53 Yeah, which is just not cool 'cause it was like those guys had lived there a long time and had roosters, you know? So-

Joe Rogan 22:58 It is something, like-

Rory Albanese 22:59 ... and then the whole, there was petitions-

Joe Rogan 22:59 ... you have to agree to that.

Rory Albanese 23:00 ... petitions, petitions, petitions.

Joe Rogan 23:01 To get rid of the roosters?

Rory Albanese 23:02 Yeah, all these rooster petitions. And then over, like, maybe a year and a half, two years, there was no more roosters.

Joe Rogan 23:08 (smacks lips) Wow.

Rory Albanese 23:09 Yeah. One of those, like, like, end of an era things in New York City, where people still had, like, just wandering chickens in an empty lot that had, like, hubcaps in it and chickens, you know. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 23:19 How come people don't understand how cool that is?

Rory Albanese 23:22 I don't know. I don't know. It's like, it's like, it's like this, it's this weird thing that happens in cities where people come in and take all the culture out of it and then complain.

Joe Rogan 23:32 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 23:32 They're like, "Oh, what happened to all the culture?" It's like, 'cause you removed it. (laughs) Like, you s- you actively came in and removed it.

Joe Rogan 23:38 Well, there isn't the problem-

Rory Albanese 23:38 To make it as much of a suburban environment so you can have kids and a minivan and all the stuff you would've had in the burbs anyway. But now-

Joe Rogan 23:44 When, when you say that, though, isn't it a problem that it's not like one individual that's doing it? It's like a whole movement of economics, right?

Rory Albanese 23:51 It's a movement of economics, but there is a lot, in my opinion, of sort of community, like, activism towards co- making the community the way they envision it to be, you know?

Joe Rogan 24:02 Right.

Rory Albanese 24:02 So you end up with a lot of signs. It's like, "We're working on a tomato co-op." And you're like, uh-

Joe Rogan 24:06 Hmm.

Rory Albanese 24:06 ... well, may- you know, now it's, so now you, oh, there's a tomato co-op they're working on? I gotta get in on that. And you know, and then, like so there's a lot of like... But I'm not saying the things they're doing are bad, but they're definitely, you know, uh, there's a, there's just been a removal of a lot of that stuff. And I, and look, there's this argument about New York City that people go, "Oh, it used to be better," you know? Where it's like, no, like, it was really dangerous, (laughs) you know? Like it was necessarily better.

Joe Rogan 24:26 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 24:27 But there's, so there's an up and down to it, and-

Joe Rogan 24:28 It's better unless you were the guy that got shot.

Rory Albanese 24:30 Yeah, exactly. And like, and then there's the other part, which is you can... I look at cities like this as like you're always building something on top of something else that was already there.

Joe Rogan 24:39 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 24:39 So what, to us is like, "I can't believe that hardware store went out of business." It's like, yeah, well, maybe my grandfather goes, "I can't believe they're putting a hardware store in where, like, the horseshoe guy used to be," you know? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 24:47 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 24:47 It's like, it's like, you know? Like, "Oh, the tele- oh really? The Telegraph guy is going out? Well, this is bullshit." You know? Like, like it's probably something people felt.... you know, anytime you're somewhere first, you always feel like someone's ruining it.

Joe Rogan 24:58 Yeah. I think we're in a very interesting time.

Rory Albanese 25:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:01 In, in, in, in a lot of amazing ways. And I think we're learning more about people and behavior-

Rory Albanese 25:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 25:07 ... I think than ever before. I think we need to give ourselves a little bit of a break in this, 'cause I think everybody has this feeling like, "Why haven't we got our shit together? Why haven't we fully evolved?" And my take on this is that this is a really recent thing. Like, being aware of what the fuck is going on, just in gen- in the general t- scheme of being in the universe-

Rory Albanese 25:31 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 25:32 ... is a very recent thing.

Rory Albanese 25:33 Yep.

Joe Rogan 25:34 And what we know about life and what we know about, you know, just our own finite life form, how far it's gonna be able to be pushed, how long we can stay alive. You know, what, how, how, uh, easy it is to transfer information from Australia, to China, to fucking England, and back and forth, and back and forth. Like, we're in the craziest time ever, and it's all really fucking recent.

Rory Albanese 26:01 Really new, yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:02 20 plus years.

Rory Albanese 26:04 Y- y- if that. 'Cause if you go back 20 years ago, the internet existed, but it... You couldn't, like, watch a video on it.

Joe Rogan 26:09 No.

Rory Albanese 26:09 And cellph- like, the, to me, the smartphone thing is, uh, every day, I'm like, "I can't believe I have this thing in my pocket."

Joe Rogan 26:16 It's insane.

Rory Albanese 26:17 It's like, it's like, if, if you don't remember what it was like to, like... You know, there's this whole, like, vibe where people are like, "Millennials don't get it." You know? And I'm like, I don't know, I have the same attention span as a millennial 'cause I'm on my phone all-

Joe Rogan 26:29 I think we're overwhelmed.

Rory Albanese 26:29 Like, there's this joke that adults, that adults are better.

Joe Rogan 26:33 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 26:33 You know? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, if... I did a USO tour in Afghanistan a couple years ago, and I met all those du- like, the soldiers, men and women, over there, and I was, like, really blown away. I was, like, really impressed, this idea that, like, our best days are behind us, all that stuff. And I'm going, "I don't know, these are really imprusive- impressive group of young people who are, like, fighting for the country, volunteering to fight for the country, and, like, coming back here, sometimes wounded, sometimes, you know, w- all the things that they risk going there." But then, like, you meet them, and you're like, these are, like, they're not like jarheads, you know? They're like sophisticated thinkers, and they're, like, trying to, like, be a part of something. It, it was, it's... I found it very, like, inspiring to be around that, not like, "Oh, they're bunch of, bunch of losers, you know, millennial losers." I was like, "These guys seem awesome."

Joe Rogan 27:18 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 27:18 You know?

Joe Rogan 27:18 I mean, there's... We have a soft life now, so there's gonna be a lot of people that are ridiculous and, you know-

Rory Albanese 27:26 Sure.

Joe Rogan 27:27 ... are-

Rory Albanese 27:27 There's always been those people.

Joe Rogan 27:28 ... people that are weak-willed, and they want the world to be nerfed up, and-

Rory Albanese 27:32 Of course.

Joe Rogan 27:32 ... pad their feelings. You're, you're gonna have that.

Rory Albanese 27:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:35 But there's also more people that have an understanding of like, that's not a happy, healthy way to live your life.

Rory Albanese 27:42 No, it's not. And I also think that, like, r- reality at some point will always supersede nerf padding.

Joe Rogan 27:49 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 27:49 You know? There's always gonna be a pushback on that one where you go, "Look, like, I don't want to offend anybody, but li-"... You know, and I do agree that, like, there's a movement by the left that really does push... Uh, you know, I was... I did a thing, the reason I'm doing this, uh, charity event, um, for, uh, like, an urban p- program for kids, um, mainly inner city Black kids. And I'm hosting it with my, uh, my buddy, Mike Yard. He's a really funny comic, Black dude. And we went to meet with the guys, uh, for this charity, and they were telling us that, uh, you know, we're... they have an auction. Like, at, at, at an NHRA event, right? An auctioneer comes out and they au- try to auction off and raise a lot of money from rich people-

Joe Rogan 28:25 Right.

Rory Albanese 28:25 ... to help the program. That's a very m- m- basically 99.9% of every charity event I've ever been involved is, has an auction segment in the, in the dinner.

Joe Rogan 28:33 Right.

Rory Albanese 28:34 They were like, "We're gonna have that, but we can't use the word auction." I said, "What, what do you mean you can't use the word auction?" They're like, "It's a sensitive word for, you know, the community." And I was like... And then Yard goes, "Are you talking about slave auctions?" (laughs) Like, like, his head almost exploded.

Joe Rogan 28:52 Oh my God.

Rory Albanese 28:52 He was like, "Wait, we can't..." Y- You know, and I was like, "Wait, we can't say the word auction?" I'm like, "But aren't you hiring a guy from Sotheby's?" "Yeah." "His card's gonna say auctioneer on it."

Joe Rogan 29:00 Oh my God.

Rory Albanese 29:01 "Like, we're just gonna pretend that's not what he's called?" And they were just like, "We just don't feel comfortable with that word in the room."

Joe Rogan 29:06 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 29:07 And I was just going, "I can't..." I c- I said, "Guys, I gotta tell you, like, you're making me wanna vote for Trump." That's what I said to them.

Joe Rogan 29:13 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 29:13 Y- I said, "That's how dumb I think this is."

Joe Rogan 29:16 Oh my God.

Rory Albanese 29:16 I'm like, "I'll agree to it 'cause I wanna help these kids, but this is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard."

Joe Rogan 29:20 Wow.

Rory Albanese 29:20 Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I was like, "Can I say cotton? Am I allowed to say cotton?"

Joe Rogan 29:24 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 29:24 Like, what other words can I say? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. You're gonna get triggered-

Joe Rogan 29:28 Auctions.

Rory Albanese 29:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:29 Auctions.

Rory Albanese 29:30 We're not gonna make a jo- like, we're not gonna joke around about, like, auctioning off a Black person. Al- al- although, Yard and I probably would have.

Joe Rogan 29:37 But first of all, like, when you say auction, you automatically think of that voice, think of that voice, think of that voice.

Rory Albanese 29:41 Totally.

Joe Rogan 29:41 (sings) 701, 701, 701. Do you think they did that with au- when they were doing that with slaves? I do not think they talked like that.

Rory Albanese 29:47 I don't know what their technique was, but I do know when I think of the word auction-

Joe Rogan 29:51 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 29:51 ... I'm not like, "Oh, don't say that."

Joe Rogan 29:53 It's a new... It's a different thing.

Rory Albanese 29:53 Don't say the A word. Don't say the A word. It's like... It's an, it's a d-

Joe Rogan 29:56 It's a w- newly... It's absolutely accepted it's a different thing now.

Rory Albanese 30:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:00 It's like the word gay.

Rory Albanese 30:01 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 30:02 It used to be Flintstones gay. << Have a gay old time >>

Rory Albanese 30:07 Yeah, you're right.

Joe Rogan 30:07 Having a gay time was like, "We're out having a gay old time."

Rory Albanese 30:10 Gay time, yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:10 And then it became gay, and then you had to stop saying it that way.

Rory Albanese 30:13 But gay-

Joe Rogan 30:13 You can't just go back to gay happy like Flintstones.

Rory Albanese 30:16 No, you can't. But gay-

Joe Rogan 30:17 You can't.

Rory Albanese 30:17 ... for me growing up was the thing we just said about everything all the time.

Joe Rogan 30:21 Yeah, everything's gay.

Rory Albanese 30:21 Doesn't matter. Like, the only thing you couldn't... you, you wanted to avoid-

Joe Rogan 30:24 But it wasn't good though.

Rory Albanese 30:25 No, it was, it was terrible. But-

Joe Rogan 30:26 When did gay go bad?

Rory Albanese 30:28 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 30:28 That's a good question.

Rory Albanese 30:29 It went bad after the F word went bad.

Joe Rogan 30:31 Did it?

Rory Albanese 30:32 Yeah. F word went first.

Joe Rogan 30:33 Well, was it connecting the two of them, fucking gay, and then like, whoa?

Rory Albanese 30:36 No, no, not fucking.

Joe Rogan 30:37 First.

Rory Albanese 30:37 I meant the other word for gay people that they get offended by.

Joe Rogan 30:39 Oh, you're afraid to say emphatic?

Rory Albanese 30:40 No, I'm not afraid to, but I'm just kind of being sarcastic when I say the F word.

Joe Rogan 30:44 (laughs) The other F word.

Rory Albanese 30:45 Um-

Joe Rogan 30:45 It's like the other white meat.

Rory Albanese 30:46 Yeah, exactly.

Joe Rogan 30:46 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 30:46 But, like, it... That was the... And not that long... I, I... It was, it was this idea of like if something was stupid, it was gay. Like it w- it didn't mean...... homosexual, it meant like, "Nah, dude, don't be so gay." But then you start thinking about it, you go, "Oh, I guess it does. I guess it's offensive 'cause you're saying, like, that stupid shirt you're wearing is gay." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:06 Well, isn't it... Of course, it's that way-

Rory Albanese 31:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:08 ... but isn't it weird that gay took a turn for the worst?

Rory Albanese 31:10 I don't... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:11 Like, wouldn't you have loved to been at the intersection when gay went bad?

Rory Albanese 31:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:15 Like from <singing "We'll have a gay old time... That's gay!"

Rory Albanese 31:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:19 Like, whoa. What?

Rory Albanese 31:21 (laughing) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:21 What are you saying? Like a... An intersection of thoughts-

Rory Albanese 31:23 I remember as a kid, too.

Joe Rogan 31:24 ... and the mean one overran it.

Rory Albanese 31:26 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 31:26 The mean one beat the happy gay.

Rory Albanese 31:29 It did. Um-

Joe Rogan 31:31 Gay took that... They took the word gay and turned it into either a negative, like, "Th- that's gay," or homosexuality.

Rory Albanese 31:40 Yep.

Joe Rogan 31:40 How was it not connected to homosexuality before?

Rory Albanese 31:44 I don't know. I don't know if the connection came from the fact that like, they were like, "Oh, those guys are gay." You know (laughs) like-

Joe Rogan 31:49 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 31:49 ... and they were like, being like... 'Cause they were being like really, you know, like fla-

Joe Rogan 31:52 They were how... Yeah, they were flamboyant.

Rory Albanese 31:53 They were like, seemed really happy. They were like flamboyant.

Joe Rogan 31:54 Right.

Rory Albanese 31:54 Like, "Whoa, that guy's gay, huh? He's really gay. Look how gay he is with that shiny shirt on, you know? Hey, that Liberace sure is gay."

Joe Rogan 32:01 And then maybe someone was like, "I'll show you gay."

Rory Albanese 32:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:03 Next thing you know people are like, "Hey, we gotta, we gotta stop."

Rory Albanese 32:06 "You know, we should, we should do, come up with a new word."

Joe Rogan 32:08 "Stop with that word. Gay is a different thing now."

Rory Albanese 32:09 "Yeah, because I asked a guy to get gay with me and it got really, uh, really, uh, uncomfortable."

Joe Rogan 32:13 There had to be like a time in between where it was real confusing, right? Where they didn't, hadn't fully established what it meant yet.

Rory Albanese 32:20 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 32:21 Where people were like, uh, "Hey man, are you gay?" "Yes, I am gay! I'm having a gay old time!"

Rory Albanese 32:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:27 And the guy's like, "Good." And then the guy tackles him in the bushes.

Rory Albanese 32:30 Yep. Like, uh, like the word hook up changed.

Joe Rogan 32:33 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 32:34 Like right around, like when I was in high school. But like, my dad would be like, "Hey, are you gonna hookup with your friends tonight?" You know what I mean? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:39 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 32:39 And I'd be like, "Dad, don't say that!" You know what I mean? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:41 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 32:41 He's like, "That's not what it means anymore!" I said, "What do you mean? It means meeting up with your friends." I'm like, "That's not what it means!" You know?

Joe Rogan 32:46 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 32:46 And then like, all my buddies would be in the room like, "Hey, you guys gonna hookup tonight with da, da?" I'm like, "No, don't s-" And everyone was like, "Dude, your dad's gay." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:52 (laughs)

Narrator 32:53 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 32:54 "Well, ............................ Dad, don't be so gay!"

Joe Rogan 32:57 That's hilarious.

Rory Albanese 32:58 So funny. Yeah, that... A lo- a lot of language shifts occurred. What I... It does feel like-

Joe Rogan 33:01 It's weird, right?

Rory Albanese 33:01 ... right now there's more policing of it and there's more people act... I don't know, there's just like, there's a lot... Like the word pussy-

Joe Rogan 33:07 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 33:08 ... is, is one of those, where I...

Joe Rogan 33:10 You can't say pussy anymore?

Rory Albanese 33:11 No, people get offended by it 'cause the idea is like you're being-

Joe Rogan 33:13 You're hanging around with the wrong people if they're getting-

Rory Albanese 33:14 Well-

Joe Rogan 33:14 ... offended by the word, un- unless you're overusing it.

Rory Albanese 33:16 No, no. I'm saying, uh, a- again, what I say or don't say is what I say or don't say, and I take my licks if I have to. But, um, people get offended by it.

Joe Rogan 33:25 Right.

Rory Albanese 33:25 You know, like, that's a word now that like, if you're... You know, if you're in like a hardcore leftist community-

Joe Rogan 33:31 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 33:31 ... you wouldn't say pussy anymore.

Joe Rogan 33:32 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 33:32 But you'll still say dick.

Joe Rogan 33:34 That's-

Rory Albanese 33:34 "That guy's being a dick." It's like, "Well, that's offensive." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:37 Those communities need a hug.

Rory Albanese 33:39 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:39 They just do.

Rory Albanese 33:40 I feel like they don't need a hug, actually.

Joe Rogan 33:41 (sighs)

Rory Albanese 33:41 I feel like they need, like, to have too many hugs. You know? And I think there's just too much... I think it really goes back to our lives are easy now, so we have a lot of free time to come up with bullshit.

Joe Rogan 33:41 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 33:41 We do. It's like if we had to actually... We didn't have electricity or we didn't have like all this ease, we wouldn't be, you know, harping on this stuff. It's just like you have a lot of downtime. A lot of downtime. So you're like, "Eh, I'll start a blog. I think I'll start blogging about words you shouldn't say." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 33:45 We have so much surplus that one of our biggest problems is that we eat too much food and we get too big.

Rory Albanese 33:45 Yep.

Joe Rogan 33:45 That's like one of the number one health problems that humans have. Like, this is how much surplus we have.

Rory Albanese 33:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:45 We just do.

Rory Albanese 33:45 I feel like they don't need a hug, actually. I feel like they need, like, to have too many hugs. You know? And I think there's just too much... I think it really goes back to our lives are easy now, so we have a lot of free time to come up with bullshit.

Joe Rogan 33:53 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 33:54 We do. It's like if we had to actually... We didn't have electricity or we didn't have like all this ease, we wouldn't be, you know, harping on this stuff. It's just like you have a lot of downtime. A lot of downtime. So you're like, "Eh, I'll start a blog. I think I'll start blogging about words you shouldn't say." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 34:08 We have so much surplus that one of our biggest problems is that we eat too much food and we get too big.

Rory Albanese 34:18 Yep.

Joe Rogan 34:18 That's like one of the number one health problems that humans have. Like, this is how much surplus we have.

Rory Albanese 34:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:24 Even though I know people have it hard and there's people that are starving all over the world. I'm aware. But just in an... In general, especially in America-

Rory Albanese 34:32 Well-

Joe Rogan 34:32 ... what is like one of our number one problems is people just eat too much.

Rory Albanese 34:35 And when we talk-

Joe Rogan 34:35 Of the wrong shit.

Rory Albanese 34:36 ... about people starving in America and you think about how much food is wasted and thrown out and like-

Joe Rogan 34:41 Ugh. Anthony Bourdain's-

Rory Albanese 34:42 It's, it's-

Joe Rogan 34:42 ... doing a documentary on it.

Rory Albanese 34:43 Yeah, there's no, there's no... Uh, yeah. It's just, it's just a strange concept that there's like no in- internal desire to... You know, it's like why I get annoyed at the Christian Right.

Joe Rogan 34:54 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 34:54 You know, they're always like-

Joe Rogan 34:55 Yeah, yeah.

Rory Albanese 34:55 ... "Oh, abortions are... You're killing babies. What we need to do is have those babies and support young mothers who, uh, who, who, uh, support young single moms." I'm like, "When's the last time you fucking volunteered to support a young single mom who had a baby, Christian dude posting on Twitter? When's the last time you gave a, a Saturday of your day to take that kid to the zoo? Bullshit." You say it, but they don't fucking do anything about it. (laughs) You know?

Joe Rogan 35:18 Well, it's a nice little box to put yourself in for some people. They think they're a good person because they're a Christian.

Rory Albanese 35:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:24 But like how much, how much do you really act on this?

Rory Albanese 35:26 But you're taking your day to stand outside Planned Parenthood with a sign. Why not take the day to go help that kid who didn't get aborted and his mom-

Joe Rogan 35:33 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 35:33 ... can't feed him? Why not go... Why not stop by there instead of holding a sign about the devil-

Joe Rogan 35:37 Yeah. (laughs)

Rory Albanese 35:37 ... in front of a fucking clinic for women? It's just weird.

Joe Rogan 35:41 It is weird.

Rory Albanese 35:43 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:43 It's a, it's a, it's a weird thing that you can do it too, right?

Rory Albanese 35:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:45 I mean, that's one of the weird things about people is that we know that if we don't do anything and we take care of ourselves, a baby's coming. And like, if you get the first countdown, like countdown, like it's almost like we agree that there's like levels to the countdown.

Rory Albanese 36:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:00 Like in the first couple of days, no one gives a shit. "Just pull the plug, pull the plug!" Bang!

Rory Albanese 36:04 (laughs) Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:04 And then everyone's looking at everybody like, "You feel okay? Everything... What happened? What happened?"

Rory Albanese 36:09 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:09 It's not that big of a deal. It's like, what'd we... How many cells was it? It was only four cells at the time.

Rory Albanese 36:14 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 36:14 Like, okay. Four cells is not a lot of cells.

Rory Albanese 36:16 No.

Joe Rogan 36:17 And you start thinking, um, I don't think it really ever can be four cells.

Rory Albanese 36:20 Well-

Joe Rogan 36:20 But you get my point.

Rory Albanese 36:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:21 A tiny little thing.

Rory Albanese 36:22 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 36:22 And then when does it become... When do you decide, decide that's a person?

Rory Albanese 36:26 I get, I get, by the way-

Joe Rogan 36:27 When it looks like one?

Rory Albanese 36:28 I don't... Listen, I get the argument and, uh, you know, I- I do think that I have my own personal philosophy on how I would handle s- a situation. Uh, but I don't-

Joe Rogan 36:39 If you were a woman?

Rory Albanese 36:40 No, no, no. I'm saying if I was in a relationship with a woman and she got pregnant-

Joe Rogan 36:43 Right.

Rory Albanese 36:43 ... and didn't wanna have the kid or did wanna have the kid and I di- you know, at the end of the day, we'd have a conversation together, and if she was dead set on doing it, then we're gonna do it. You know? Because that... But, but my point being, I do believe that like, it's a weird thing to just tell other people what they're supposed to do or not. I do. I feel that way about gay marriage.

Joe Rogan 36:59 Mm-hmm.

Rory Albanese 36:59 I feel that way (laughs) about everything. It's like, it's, it's a strange thing to be able to-... dictate to someone else how they s- they're supposed to live.

Joe Rogan 37:06 Agreed.

Rory Albanese 37:07 'Cause there's too many people doing that, man.

Joe Rogan 37:09 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 37:09 Like, we got the right doing it through the Christian right, and then we got the left doing it through, you know, all their- all their movements. And it's like, I think the reason most people are so annoyed in this country isn't like, even political. It's like they're just sick of people telling them how to live, (laughs) you know? It's like, "I get it. I can't say that. Oh, you want me to, uh, not have a gun? You hate guns."

Joe Rogan 37:25 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 37:25 It's like, it- it's like, everyone just fucking stop f- It's like, we need like a- just like a national timeout for five minutes.

Joe Rogan 37:31 I think we're just learning how to use this thing, man.

Rory Albanese 37:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:34 We're- we're learning how to integrate society into this kind of communication that we share right now.

Rory Albanese 37:38 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 37:38 It's just-

Rory Albanese 37:39 Well, I did- I-

Joe Rogan 37:39 We're still figuring it out.

Rory Albanese 37:40 I did- I- I talked about that with somebody the other day. I- I was actually just doing a set on stage and I was, uh, riffing a little bit about how, you know, we talk about the Second Amendment a lot and the Founding Fathers didn't know, um, we were gonna have assault rifles. They didn't have the Fourth A- to see that.

Joe Rogan 37:54 Mm-hmm.

Rory Albanese 37:55 So then we have to rethink what that means. And it's like, well, they didn't know we were gonna have Twitter.

Joe Rogan 37:58 Right.

Rory Albanese 37:59 So like, maybe we have to rethink what the First Amendment means. (laughs) They didn't know every fucking-

Joe Rogan 38:02 Right.

Rory Albanese 38:02 ... moron was gonna have the ability to say stuff out loud. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:05 Well, just-

Rory Albanese 38:06 On a national level. They didn't know that.

Joe Rogan 38:07 Just to use the internet. I mean, imagine how easy it was to govern people before the internet came around.

Rory Albanese 38:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:11 It must have been so much easier.

Rory Albanese 38:12 Yeah, just lie to them.

Joe Rogan 38:13 Yeah, lie to them. They have almost no access to the truth.

Rory Albanese 38:16 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 38:16 You know what you get? You get what Walter Cronkite tells you, bitch. That's all you get.

Rory Albanese 38:19 That's all you get. That's like what you get.

Joe Rogan 38:20 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 38:20 It's like- it's like- it's like the entertainment industry. It used to be like, "You wanna hear a song? Merv Griffin and Dick Clark will let you know what songs you can hear." You know? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:27 But if you were on th- the side of the people that are anti-abortion, there's one side of you that has to logically interpret that if these people really did feel like babies were being murdered, like it was their perspective that babies were being murdered, if you completely ignore that perspective and just try to say it's a woman's health issue-

Rory Albanese 38:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:47 And I- like, I get- I almost get where their mind is at.

Rory Albanese 38:51 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:51 I don't think that they should be interfering in anybody's life, especially when something is legal and people have already voted on it like abortion.

Rory Albanese 38:56 Yeah, and they- and they fundamentally believe that's what's happening and you could see how-

Joe Rogan 38:59 Yeah, don't interfere.

Rory Albanese 39:00 ... if you thought babies were being killed up the street, you'd be like-

Joe Rogan 39:02 Right. Right.

Rory Albanese 39:02 ... "We can't allow this to happen." But what I'm saying is-

Joe Rogan 39:04 But they'll tell you that they are babies.

Rory Albanese 39:07 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:07 And the- the problem with that argument is it's- it holds some water.

Rory Albanese 39:11 Sure.

Joe Rogan 39:12 Like, you really have to... I mean, as- if you're gonna be a rational person, and I'm 100% pro-choice, but as a rational person, you have to look at what it actually is. If you don't, well then we're playing a game. The game is, you want your side to be correct. But the reality is, this is a very complicated, weird thing.

Rory Albanese 39:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 39:29 There's like a- a life in your body. And for sure, a guy shouldn't be able to tell a girl what she can do.

Rory Albanese 39:34 Totally agree with that.

Joe Rogan 39:34 You can't- you can't tell a woman she has to keep it. People have already aborted babies, there's a precedent for it. You can't tell them what they can do.

Rory Albanese 39:40 All you can do is support their decision.

Joe Rogan 39:42 Or offer-

Rory Albanese 39:42 You can weigh in. I think if you're their dad, you can weigh in on what you want. But at the end of the day, it's- she's gonna decide what she wants to do and you just gotta agree with it.

Joe Rogan 39:49 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 39:49 I think that's the move.

Joe Rogan 39:51 I think, you know, it's just- it's a very complicated thing. The- like, a life form that will eventually become a person is inside your body. What do you do? Like can you imagine if we had to make that decision?

Rory Albanese 40:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:05 'Cause we're lucky that chicks do it, 'cause we don't think correctly for that-

Rory Albanese 40:09 No.

Joe Rogan 40:09 ... for that proposition.

Rory Albanese 40:10 We have no ability to do- weigh those options. But I- I do think that the, uh, the, you know, the- when I think about that, I agree with you and I- and I think most (laughs) issues in the country are like that.

Joe Rogan 40:20 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 40:20 And like, that's the whole problem. There's no rationality on either side, right?

Joe Rogan 40:23 There's no, like-

Rory Albanese 40:24 So it's like, no one will-

Joe Rogan 40:24 ... rational center.

Rory Albanese 40:25 Right. Like for example, people will, you know- look, there's a lot going on with Trump and Russia and all that stuff.

Joe Rogan 40:30 Wait, what have you heard? (laughs)

Rory Albanese 40:31 (laughs) And then- and then people will post something, yeah, well, about Obama scandals and then someone on the left will be like, "He had no scandals." And then someone will list like five scandals. You go, "Yeah, those were scandals." Like, you can't just pretend-

Joe Rogan 40:44 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 40:44 ... that like, that Fast and the Furious thing was good.

Joe Rogan 40:46 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 40:47 Like, it's fucking- that was bad. Like, I'm not saying-

Joe Rogan 40:48 Well, if- if you really like muscle cars, it's fun to watch.

Rory Albanese 40:50 Yeah, but it's like- no, but the- you know that Obama thing?

Joe Rogan 40:52 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 40:52 Where he like... (smacks lips)

Joe Rogan 40:53 Oh, that thing.

Rory Albanese 40:53 Where he gave all the guns to-

Joe Rogan 40:54 Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Rory Albanese 40:55 They l- lost all those guns and every time-

Joe Rogan 40:57 And some of them were used to kill people.

Rory Albanese 40:58 Yeah, and so it's like-

Joe Rogan 40:59 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 40:59 ... I- I don't know. Like, he didn't-

Joe Rogan 41:00 What was that- what was the logic behind that? They were gonna trace them to-

Rory Albanese 41:03 Yeah, it's like a Iran-Contra con- did you see that movie, by the way?

Joe Rogan 41:05 But was it a scam or was it a thing-

Rory Albanese 41:08 I-

Joe Rogan 41:08 ... where they were trying to give them guns that they could trace?

Rory Albanese 41:10 They could trace and then they instantly couldn't trace them. (laughs) They just gave a lot of guns. I think that was the- I think that was the gist of it.

Joe Rogan 41:16 Can you imagine if that was just really a gun... I mean, this is something people do think it was, like, uh, just an illegal arms sale that happened right under our nose?

Rory Albanese 41:23 Yeah. Well-

Joe Rogan 41:24 Can you imagine if that's really what it is?

Rory Albanese 41:25 I mean, did you watch that- I just watched it the other night, that Tom Cruise movie, American Made?

Joe Rogan 41:29 No, I did not, but I know what it's about.

Rory Albanese 41:31 It's- it's- it's-

Joe Rogan 41:32 I know the story.

Rory Albanese 41:32 ... the first good Tom Cruise movie he's had out in a couple years.

Joe Rogan 41:35 Really?

Rory Albanese 41:35 Yeah, 'cause he's like kind of a dark character. He's not like a hero. He's just-

Joe Rogan 41:38 I know Barry-

Rory Albanese 41:39 He's like a-

Joe Rogan 41:39 ... the Barry Seal story.

Rory Albanese 41:40 Yeah, it's- well, the story. So it's- it's- he's- you know. It's a- he's a- like a shi- a pilot who basically like, you know, the CIA was like, "Hey. Uh, you're a really good pilot and we need a guy to like bring some guns to the..." It's all- i- uh, the precursor of the Iran-Contra thing.

Joe Rogan 41:56 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 41:56 Which, as a kid I remember hearing all about, but then understanding it at a better level, which was us trying to arm rebels which we've been doing for... We armed bin Laden against the Russians. We've been arming rebels for a long time.

Joe Rogan 42:06 Yeah, that's our move, right?

Rory Albanese 42:06 Yeah, big time. And, uh-

Joe Rogan 42:08 Bring back the gang.

Rory Albanese 42:08 Yeah. And then, uh, so he became the dude the CIA asked to do that. And he was like, "You gotta pay me more money." And the guy was like, "You'll figure it out." And then all of a sudden (laughs) it became he would land and bring the guns and the dudes would be like, "Hey, we want you to bring," uh, an, uh, uh, Escobar and his crew, or like Pablo Escobar, were like, "Hey, as long as you're bringing us guns, we also want you on your flight home to bring, uh, 1,500 pounds of cocaine (laughs) into your airplane." (laughs) And then he was like, "Uh, I'm not gonna do that. No thanks." And they were like, "Uh, $2,000," uh, you know, "$2,000 a kilo." And he was like, "How many kilos in 1,500 pounds?" And it became like wha- and he became like this insane two-way smuggler. He was smuggling guns in and drugs out, guns in and drugs out.

Joe Rogan 42:46 (sighs)

Rory Albanese 42:46 It's a really interesting story.

Joe Rogan 42:48 What do you think happens today? Do you think that stuff like that is still going on today? Or do you think that this- when it happened, like, they figured out that it was a bunch of cowboys, like CIA operatives that were just trying to make some money on the side? Or do you think it's like a systematic...

Rory Albanese 43:04 I think that it's like... Uh, I- I think that it's human error. I think that like people...... that's why I'm not like a big conspiracy theorist, 'cause it's like, I don't think the government's organized enough.

Joe Rogan 43:15 Right.

Rory Albanese 43:15 It's always weird to me when people who think the government sucks, who want small government, they want the government... "We don't, the government mishandles everything. They don't know how to do this, they don't know how to do this. They can't magic- imagine, uh, you know, manage traffic lights." Whatever they think the government can't do. "They can't do healthcare. Uh, they're idiots, they're idiots. Private sector." And then they're like, "But there's a giant government conspiracy, where all the government knows this thing." And I'm like, "If they can't fucking manage traffic lights, how are they pulling off, like, a fake moon landing or whatever?" (laughs) You know? It's like-

Joe Rogan 43:43 Well, when you-

Rory Albanese 43:44 ... that kinda stuff, to me, it's like you're- you're- you're perpetuating two very different views of an extremely competent clandestine group of people who can achieve these, like, dark shadowy things without anyone knowing, or bumbling morons. But they're the same people. They're government workers. So, I don't know. I think some CIA oper... Like, the, like, the story behind going into Iraq is interesting. Like, a CIA operative had a theory about we- where bin L- I mean, uh, Os- uh, not Osama, the other, fucking other dude.

Joe Rogan 44:11 Saddam Hussein?

Rory Albanese 44:12 Saddam Hussein had, uh, had weapons of mass destruction. He had a theory, and he was a analyst at the CIA and he wrote up this whole document. And they read it and they were like, "Yeah, this is bullshit. Like, we have no proof of any of this. Thank you." And he was so mad they did that, that he published it on the internet, just leaked it to the internet. And then that story got on the internet, and then a dude in Australia who was a f- spy... No, well, like a guy from Australia, uh, and- and another guy from Afghanistan or Iraq read it on the internet, came to America and said, "I have all the secrets of what he's doing." And he just used that guy's document that he read online-

Joe Rogan 44:49 Jesus.

Rory Albanese 44:50 ... and told the CIA. And then the guy came in and he goes, "He has weapons here, weapons here, weapons here." And then that analyst goes, "Holy shit, I was right." Meanwhile, he's quoting him his own report.

Joe Rogan 45:00 Oh, my God.

Rory Albanese 45:00 So then he goes back to Cheney and he goes, "We've got this dude talking to the Germans saying all the things I theorized." And then that's when the guy Curveball... "We gotta listen to a dude named Curveball." So, like, that's how the whole fucking thing went down. And basically some dude tricked us. H- He actually didn't know anything, but it was too late. We, like, went off the information that a dude read off the internet from a guy who was mad they wouldn't take his info, which was wrong, which is why there were no (laughs) weapons of mass destruction there.

Joe Rogan 45:27 God, it's so crazy.

Rory Albanese 45:27 So it's- it's just a crazy... So yeah, I think that shit happens all the time, but I don't think it's... I just think they're sloppy government employees.

Joe Rogan 45:34 Well, I think you're dealing with a bunch of different things. S- Some of 'em are sloppy government employees. Some of 'em are not. Some of 'em are brilliant. I mean, d- there's that too.

Rory Albanese 45:42 Like Robert Mueller is brilliant.

Joe Rogan 45:43 There's a, there's a... Yeah. There's a ton of 'em.

Rory Albanese 45:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:45 There's a ton of 'em that are brilliant. But you're also gonna have cowboys, and this is what I think. When you find out about these, like, CIA drug deals gone bad, where... Did you see that one where the plane crashed in Mexico? They wouldn't let them refuel. They wouldn't let them land to refuel 'cause they kind of knew maybe that they were smuggling drugs.

Rory Albanese 46:02 And they made them crash.

Joe Rogan 46:03 And the plane wound up crashing and it had... How many tons of cocaine did it have in it? And people are like, "This is proof the CIA sells cocaine." I'm like, "No, it's proof those guys flying that plane had cocaine."

Rory Albanese 46:14 Right.

Joe Rogan 46:14 The real question is, did they just get too loosey-goosey traveling back and forth to South America, a little too tight with some people that had a little bit too much money, and they realize, "We can fucking do this. So we could do this and no one would suspect it"?

Rory Albanese 46:25 Well, that's the thing though. So what the, what the CIA-

Joe Rogan 46:28 5.5 tons of cocaine.

Rory Albanese 46:29 Jesus Christ.

Joe Rogan 46:31 5.5 tons.

Rory Albanese 46:32 Wow. That's a lot.

Joe Rogan 46:33 What, isn't that 11 pou- 11... How many, how many thousand pounds? 11,000?

Jamie Vernon 46:37 11,000. Uh, 11,100.

Rory Albanese 46:38 Yeah. 2,000 times five and a half.

Joe Rogan 46:40 Is that what it is? Yeah.

Rory Albanese 46:41 Uh-huh. And, uh-

Joe Rogan 46:42 11,000 pounds-

Jamie Vernon 46:44 Yep.

Joe Rogan 46:44 ... of fucking cocaine. (laughs)

Rory Albanese 46:45 Dude, I told you-

Joe Rogan 46:46 That is insane. Show the pictures of the crash 'cause it's crazy.

Rory Albanese 46:49 This is nuts. When was this?

Joe Rogan 46:50 It's just giant bricks of coke. Man, I wanna say like 2005.

Jamie Vernon 46:53 2006.

Joe Rogan 46:53 Six.

Rory Albanese 46:54 But so, the, but the Barry Seal story was he's just a pilot.

Joe Rogan 46:57 Yes.

Rory Albanese 46:57 So a CIA operative who's trying to make connections with them-

Joe Rogan 46:59 Mm-hmm.

Rory Albanese 47:00 ... do his mission, which is given to him, which is arm these rebels. So five guys in the CIA have to try to figure out how to arm rebels. So he approaches this pilot that he hears is a good pilot who flies for TWA.

Joe Rogan 47:12 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 47:12 And he goes, "Hey, man, you're now in the CIA." But he's not really in the CIA. He's not part of the CIA. He's just a pilot that this guy subcontracts.

Joe Rogan 47:19 Right.

Rory Albanese 47:20 And then he doesn't tell the bosses how he's getting the guns in, so it's, he just made up a little thing. He has, uh, has his own budget to do his own little thing.

Joe Rogan 47:27 Holy shit.

Rory Albanese 47:27 And he finds this dude. So it's not like Barry Seal was like a CIA guy flying cocaine. He was just a good pilot that the CIA told. And only one guy from the CIA told it to him, and then... It's a c- crazy story, you know? And then he's doing it and then he starts making his little side business, and this guy looks the other way because he just wants Barry delivering the guns.

Joe Rogan 47:45 Wow.

Rory Albanese 47:45 And then after a while, like as it starts to fall apart, the CIA is just like, "Burn everything with Barry Seal's name on it." (laughs) You know, like, "We've never had, we've never had connection to Barry Seal in our entire life." And that's, you know-

Joe Rogan 47:56 That's all the coke that they got off that plane. Look at that.

Rory Albanese 47:58 Let's not, man. That's a big...

Joe Rogan 47:59 That looks like-

Rory Albanese 48:00 What, what size was that plane?

Joe Rogan 48:01 ... luggage for an army. (laughs) Does it? (laughs) Like if you had a, like a army troop, and like, "Boys, this is your gear." And it's all rolled up in these giant bags.

Rory Albanese 48:11 Isn't it so funny though that like-

Joe Rogan 48:13 That is crazy.

Rory Albanese 48:14 ... people still think a wall is gonna work? It's like, (laughs) it's like how many drugs were coming in on an airplane?

Joe Rogan 48:19 Well, just the, the fact that the airplane was a CIA airplane. Did they have, in the movie, do they have the reason why they, uh, the whole scheme got busted in the first place? Do you know the story?

Rory Albanese 48:30 Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that's like a spoiler for listeners, but I'll tell you.

Joe Rogan 48:33 Well, the real story about the kids that were murdered.

Rory Albanese 48:36 Uh, the kids that were murdered where?

Joe Rogan 48:37 That wasn't in the movie?

Rory Albanese 48:38 I don't think so.

Joe Rogan 48:39 The, one of the ways this whole thing came apart was two kids were apparently in the woods when they made a drop.

Rory Albanese 48:47 Oh.

Joe Rogan 48:47 And these kids saw a drop-

Rory Albanese 48:49 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 48:49 ... and they were murdered and they were stabbed and then they leave- left their bodies on the train tracks. And their bodies were run over by train tracks, and then the parents got an autopsy. And the aut- autopsy showed that at least one of the kids had been stabbed.

Rory Albanese 49:01 Wow.

Joe Rogan 49:02 And so they realized something had-

Rory Albanese 49:04 No, they skipped that. They, they had- Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:05 They realized something had happened, and so-

Rory Albanese 49:06 Was it New Orleans where the kids got killed?

Joe Rogan 49:08 No, it was Mena, Arkansas.

Rory Albanese 49:10 Okay. Oh, that's the Mena part of it. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rory Albanese 49:12 Later on, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:12 That's where the drop was.

Rory Albanese 49:13 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 49:14 The drop was apparently in Mena, Arkansas. And so they killed these kids and then this whole thing happened and then the whole thing fell apart. And then people started looking into it.

Rory Albanese 49:21 Well-

Joe Rogan 49:21 And then Barry Seals was murdered actually as he was...... heading to court to testify.

Rory Albanese 49:26 Well, h- he, yeah. He, um-

Joe Rogan 49:27 Which is this amazing thriller, like a Tom Clancy novel. (singing)

Rory Albanese 49:30 Yeah. It's a really good, it's a really- And it's done well. The movie's done well and, uh, but they don't mention the murdered kids. They skip, like, Mena, Arkansas-

Joe Rogan 49:37 Uh-huh.

Rory Albanese 49:37 ... is the place where they, CIA moves them and then, um-

Joe Rogan 49:41 Well, and I hope I'm not remembering this wrong, but I think that was the reason why they got busted.

Rory Albanese 49:46 I, I, could be. I'm saying in the movie, that's not mentioned.

Joe Rogan 49:48 So you think we could find that.

Rory Albanese 49:49 Like, you know, that's the creative license of making a movie. They're like, "Ah."

Joe Rogan 49:51 Oh, man. I hate when they do that.

Rory Albanese 49:53 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 49:53 I hate when they do that, when it's a real-life situation. Like there's a ... Did you ever see that wrestling movie with Steve Carell? The fuck was that called?

Rory Albanese 50:00 The Wrestler?

Joe Rogan 50:01 No, no, no. Um, with Steve Carell and, um-

Rory Albanese 50:04 Oh. Oh, Steve Ca- Oh, when he's the DuPont guy?

Joe Rogan 50:06 He ... Yeah, John du Pont.

Rory Albanese 50:07 Oh, fuck. What's the name of that movie?

Joe Rogan 50:09 Foxcatcher.

Rory Albanese 50:10 Oh.

Joe Rogan 50:10 Foxcatcher, Foxcatcher, Foxcatcher.

Rory Albanese 50:11 Foxcatcher, wow. Never would've gotten that.

Joe Rogan 50:13 Yeah. That, they've, they did that in that movie.

Rory Albanese 50:17 Where they cut out key details?

Joe Rogan 50:19 Yeah. Well, they changed a big part of the ending where Mark Schultz ... Like this, it's a UFC fight, a famous UFC fight, where Mark Schultz, who was just top of the food chain of wrestler, fought this guy, Big Daddy Goodrich, who's a really well-known MMA guy and just totally dominated him.

Rory Albanese 50:35 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 50:35 And in the movie, he's fighting some white guy.

Rory Albanese 50:39 The just-

Joe Rogan 50:39 Like some made-up guy.

Rory Albanese 50:41 They just changed it?

Joe Rogan 50:41 They just changed the guy.

Rory Albanese 50:42 So they maybe not get the rights to the-

Joe Rogan 50:44 It doesn't-

Rory Albanese 50:45 ... other guy's name or something?

Joe Rogan 50:45 It doesn't matter. Then don't have that scene.

Rory Albanese 50:48 Then don't put ... Take it out. Yeah. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:48 I know what the fuck the history of this was.

Rory Albanese 50:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:50 Now if you lie to me about something so insignificant as who the guy was that he fought in the UFC-

Jamie Vernon 50:58 Yeah, he takes it out of it.

Joe Rogan 50:58 ... what else?

Rory Albanese 50:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:59 What else are you lying about?

Rory Albanese 51:00 Agreed. I bet, uh-

Joe Rogan 51:01 But it's just so stupid to do. It's a real story.

Rory Albanese 51:04 Did you ever see that movie with Marky Mark and The Rock?

Joe Rogan 51:07 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 51:08 (laughs)

Rory Albanese 51:08 Um, I'm being serious. Oh, should I call him Marky Mark? Um, I think it's Marky Mar- ... Uh, Mark Wahlberg and The Rock. And it's like, it's a true, based on a true story. Uh, it came out like two, three years ago. It's really (laughs) good. And in the middle of the movie, it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen done in a true story movie, they're like doing this absurd thing. They're like jumping off a rooftop together-

Jamie Vernon 51:27 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 51:27 And it just pauses. And then, uh, a text comes up and says, "This all happened. This is still a true story." (laughs) Like it like reminds you in the middle of the movie.

Jamie Vernon 51:37 Pain, Pain and Gain is what it was called.

Rory Albanese 51:38 Oh, Pain and Gain, yeah. I was gonna say like-

Joe Rogan 51:39 Oh, that was a fun movie, man.

Rory Albanese 51:40 ... Pump and Dump or something. I knew it was something like that. Is this the part?

Jamie Vernon 51:45 Uh, this is just the trailer.

Rory Albanese 51:45 Oh, the trailer?

Joe Rogan 51:46 Dude, this is a fun movie. I forgot about this movie.

Rory Albanese 51:48 It's a great, it's a great movie. Yeah, underrated.

Joe Rogan 51:49 It's like one of my favorite movies that he did.

Rory Albanese 51:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 51:51 It's a fun-ass movie.

Rory Albanese 51:53 Yep. The Rock's good, man. I like The Rock.

Joe Rogan 51:55 (smacks lips) I love The Rock. I think he's gonna be our president.

Rory Albanese 51:57 You know, like in the middle of the, in the middle of the movie they, they pause it and they go, "This is still a true story." (laughs) "Like this happened."

Joe Rogan 52:03 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 52:03 Which is cool-

Joe Rogan 52:04 I love that movie.

Rory Albanese 52:04 ... 'cause it like ... 'Cause it gets almost inconceivable after a while.

Joe Rogan 52:07 I think The Rock is gonna be our president.

Rory Albanese 52:08 I think The Rock should be our president.

Joe Rogan 52:10 I think he can pull it off. And I'm not joking at all.

Rory Albanese 52:13 I'm not joking either, man. I would feel like-

Joe Rogan 52:15 I'm tired of all this serious political discussion. We're, we-

Rory Albanese 52:17 You're in good hands with The Rock.

Joe Rogan 52:19 Yeah. My patience for real politics has waned.

Rory Albanese 52:21 Mm-hmm. And look, we're, uh, we're on our way there. You've seen Idiocracy, right? We're on our way there.

Joe Rogan 52:25 I ... Dude, I still haven't fucking seen that.

Rory Albanese 52:27 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 52:28 I can't-

Rory Albanese 52:28 You will love that movie.

Joe Rogan 52:29 I know I would. I g- I had ... I, I got salty, uh, 'cause, uh, when I had a bit that was the same premise of that. It's about dumb people out-fucking all the smart people.

Rory Albanese 52:37 Really?

Joe Rogan 52:37 And one day we wake up and, uh, all the power's off. And, uh-

Rory Albanese 52:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:41 ... no one, no one knows how to turn it back on. I just want that bit.

Rory Albanese 52:42 That would an- ... That would annoy me too (laughs) if it was like, "Your bit is uh-"

Joe Rogan 52:45 It's stupid-

Rory Albanese 52:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:45 ... because it's not my bit they stole.

Rory Albanese 52:47 No, it's the concept that-

Joe Rogan 52:47 It's just, uh, parallel-

Rory Albanese 52:48 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:48 ... parallel thinking.

Rory Albanese 52:49 Parallel thinking.

Joe Rogan 52:49 It's a, it's an obvious concept if you think that people are out- ... If you think that people are getting dumber, and that dumb people are having more kids.

Rory Albanese 52:57 It's-

Joe Rogan 52:57 It's just, it's inevitable.

Rory Albanese 52:58 Yeah. And they are.

Joe Rogan 53:00 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 53:00 That's very true.

Joe Rogan 53:01 And I traced it back to the pyramid, like the whole, the whole thing was like that the smart people just died.

Rory Albanese 53:06 (laughs) And then when the dumb people showed up at the pyramid, and then they just moved in. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:10 (laughs) And like, "Nobody even lives here." It's fucking-

Jamie Vernon 53:12 You get like the alien culture that created it, yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:14 Exactly.

Jamie Vernon 53:14 Then a bunch of like fat dudes were like, "Yeah, these look good."

Joe Rogan 53:17 Yeah, the idiot workers of Egypt.

Rory Albanese 53:19 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 53:19 They all stumbled in, "There, we built this-"

Rory Albanese 53:21 It's funny.

Joe Rogan 53:21 "... shit a couple generations ago. We're the best."

Rory Albanese 53:24 That's so funny.

Joe Rogan 53:25 That's still to me ... If I had one time in like ... If you could go back in a time machine and go to one place in history and see something, I think I would, it would have to be Egypt while they were building the pyramids.

Rory Albanese 53:36 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 53:36 I would just love to see what that culture was like.

Rory Albanese 53:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:39 It's so hard to tell. I mean, you look at all the stone and everything, right? Even if you were standing there or ... I mean, I've never been to Egypt but I've been to Chichen Itza, and it's kind of the same feeling you get, where you're like, "What was it like?" Like when, when this place was popping.

Rory Albanese 53:51 Yup.

Joe Rogan 53:51 Like what did this feel like? What was this ... These people have built these crazy structures. Like what was a normal day for them?

Rory Albanese 53:57 Uh, you know, it's funny. I had the, uh ... I didn't realize ... I watched a documentary about the pyramids and not the, uh, not the one ... What, what's the, uh, aliens and-

Joe Rogan 54:07 Which one?

Rory Albanese 54:08 Nazis and ali- ... What, what, what, what's that one on like ... With the, with the guy with the crazy hair?

Joe Rogan 54:11 Oh.

Rory Albanese 54:12 He's in some-

Joe Rogan 54:12 Oh, oh. Ancient aliens.

Rory Albanese 54:13 Yeah. And, and i- i-

Joe Rogan 54:14 Giorgio.

Rory Albanese 54:15 And he's-

Joe Rogan 54:15 Shout out to Giorgio Tsoukalos.

Rory Albanese 54:17 Yeah, and he's ... It's like, "Ancient astronaut theorists-"

Joe Rogan 54:19 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 54:20 "... surmise," you know. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:21 Well, those aren't real people.

Rory Albanese 54:22 That's not really a sentence, you know. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 54:24 (laughs) He's fairly reasonable when you talk to him.

Rory Albanese 54:26 Sure, but, but-

Joe Rogan 54:26 Giorgio is just a lover of, uh, all possibilities UFO.

Rory Albanese 54:30 That's an hour's worth of a show. They've, uh, they're on like season 11.

Joe Rogan 54:33 Oh, they're season 89 right now.

Rory Albanese 54:34 They're still like, they're fucking, they're skimping now.

Joe Rogan 54:36 I watched that show.

Rory Albanese 54:36 You know, it's not ... The first one with like the Nazca Lines.

Joe Rogan 54:39 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 54:39 I thought, "Oh, it's pretty interesting." But now they're like, "Astron- ... You know, ancient astronaut theorists surmise that palm trees were brought here," but ... And you're like, "Oh, just stop." Like, "You've done-"

Joe Rogan 54:47 Listen, man.

Rory Albanese 54:47 "... you did it. You finished it."

Joe Rogan 54:49 If ghost shows are still on the air, let them be on the air.

Rory Albanese 54:52 'Cause-

Joe Rogan 54:52 'Cause at least they're showing cool old buildings-

Rory Albanese 54:54 You're right.

Joe Rogan 54:54 ... and shit and stone structures.

Rory Albanese 54:55 They haven't found one-

Joe Rogan 54:56 Could it be possible that aliens-

Rory Albanese 54:57 They haven't found one ghost.

Joe Rogan 54:58 ... constructed this?

Rory Albanese 54:59 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 54:59 What? Not one ghost, man. At least we have some cool rocks to look at where you look at like ... You know, what are those giant stones in ... Is it Peru?

Rory Albanese 55:08 Stonehenge?

Joe Rogan 55:09 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Stonehenge is in England.

Rory Albanese 55:11 In England, yeah, but I don't-

Joe Rogan 55:11 There's some, there's some crazy m- structures somewhere in South America.... that Giorgio was talking to us about. And it was one of the reasons why some people speculate that it's possible that some of the things that are constructed, that we really don't have any idea how ancient primitive man did, were actually constructed by someone from another, another planet.

Rory Albanese 55:31 Yeah, which I, I don't think is a- any less reasonable than people thinking God sent ... like, pointed his finger and was like, "Giraffes!" (laughs) Like-

Joe Rogan 55:39 Right. You're right about that. You're right about that. But-

Rory Albanese 55:40 Like a p- like half the w- the world believes that.

Joe Rogan 55:43 You're right about that. But it's more reasonable to think that it was done by people because we know people are a real thing, and we know people have built a lot of shit.

Rory Albanese 55:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:51 So the ... Yeah. This is it. This is the exact structure. These fucking stones, they're, they're not just cut and placed perfectly, but they're in ... fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. And somehow or another, they carved and moved these enormous stones. And if you stand right next to them ... Like, uh, there's, uh, some photos of people standing next to them. Stand right next to them. Apparently, they just tower over people. So these are all done, you know, who knows how many thousands of years ago.

Rory Albanese 56:17 But it ... Isn't there, like, a reasonable th- thing to think that, like, maybe they had technology that-

Joe Rogan 56:22 Look at that.

Rory Albanese 56:22 ... is lost to time?

Joe Rogan 56:23 Yeah, that's a reasonable thing to think, for sure.

Rory Albanese 56:25 Right? (laughs) Like, in other words-

Joe Rogan 56:26 Yeah, I agree.

Rory Albanese 56:26 Like, i- if, if our civilization crumbles and in 2,000 years people dig it up-

Joe Rogan 56:31 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 56:32 ... and they find the Empire State Building, and be like, "How'd they do it?" They're not gonna find, like, a backhoe. (laughs) You know?

Joe Rogan 56:36 Look at this picture. Look at these fucking stones-

Rory Albanese 56:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:39 It's amazing.

Rory Albanese 56:39 That's a good ... That's a good-

Joe Rogan 56:39 Go back to the other one with the person in front of it-

Rory Albanese 56:42 That's a good stone work.

Joe Rogan 56:42 ... so you can see the perspective. Look how big that shit is.

Rory Albanese 56:45 Holy shit.

Joe Rogan 56:46 So how long-

Rory Albanese 56:46 Oh, yeah. I did not think it was that big.

Joe Rogan 56:47 They're so big, dude.

Rory Albanese 56:48 They look like a staircase from that-

Joe Rogan 56:50 And this was one of Giorgio's things. He was saying, like, it ... We don't have the technology to do this right now.

Rory Albanese 56:56 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 56:56 Like, if you wanted to get someone to go out there and move those giant stones and cut them and place them, I mean, we kinda have the technology, but holy shit would it take a lot of money. Would it take giant fucking cranes. It would take forever. Look at what they did. They did this-

Rory Albanese 57:11 Th-

Joe Rogan 57:11 ... whole structure of all these things.

Rory Albanese 57:13 Then you gotta get the guys to show up. Think about how hard it is-

Joe Rogan 57:15 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 57:15 ... to, like, get your kitchen done. You know? It's kinda like, "I need-"

Joe Rogan 57:18 Vvvvvvvttt.

Rory Albanese 57:18 ... "I need two more weeks. You know, my stone guy is out of town." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:20 How long would it take to build something that fucking crazy?

Rory Albanese 57:23 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 57:24 And so the idea was that aliens came here, built some things, fucked with our DNA, and got ghost. "See ya."

Rory Albanese 57:33 Fuck, fuck some early man.

Joe Rogan 57:35 Yeah. Gave some early man a couple of pokey pokes.

Rory Albanese 57:37 Yeah. Exactly.

Joe Rogan 57:38 And then decided-

Rory Albanese 57:38 Like the coyote in your backyard. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:40 ... decided to jet. Vshoom!

Rory Albanese 57:42 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:42 No, I didn't finish that story.

Rory Albanese 57:43 No.

Joe Rogan 57:43 So the brooding chicken that was in that cage-

Rory Albanese 57:46 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 57:46 ... um, she honey-dicked my Mastiff into smashing open the cage. 'Cause the Mastiff just smashed the cage. Like, she was trying to get out the cage. Like, she's like, like ... Where the chicken was, the coyote was-

Rory Albanese 57:56 Oh, the coyote was?

Joe Rogan 57:57 And my Mastiff's like, "I got this," and just smashed the fucking thing, tore it open.

Rory Albanese 58:01 And then the-

Joe Rogan 58:01 And then she was running out the backyard with the chicken in her mouth and hopped the fence. And I saw her hop the fence with the chicken in her mouth.

Rory Albanese 58:08 Oh.

Joe Rogan 58:08 I'm like, "I'm living in a goddamn Disney movie."

Rory Albanese 58:10 You are.

Joe Rogan 58:11 Look at this.

Rory Albanese 58:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:12 I just watched a coyote snatch a chicken from the back yard.

Rory Albanese 58:14 From your yard. Yeah. That's badass.

Joe Rogan 58:16 Ooh, it was wild.

Rory Albanese 58:17 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:17 But the crazy thing is my fucking dog's standing over there. I was like, "Asshole, what the fuck did you do?"

Rory Albanese 58:22 He's like, "I don't know. She's, she's a nice guy."

Joe Rogan 58:24 It's like, "Come on."

Rory Albanese 58:24 "She seems she's pretty."

Joe Rogan 58:25 "You should be having some fun. It's cool to kill chickens."

Rory Albanese 58:28 (laughs) I mean, animals are animals, you know? You can't really-

Joe Rogan 58:30 Yeah.

Rory Albanese 58:31 ... expect much more f- from a dog. He's like, "I don't know. That dude wanted a chicken."

Joe Rogan 58:35 So-

Rory Albanese 58:35 He's trying to help.

Joe Rogan 58:36 These buil-