EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,052 words- 0:00 – 1:00
Todd Glass’s new Netflix special: being proud of the finished product
- JRJoe Rogan
... equipped, insulated walls put in (hands clap) the-- five, four, three, two, one. Someone's got a new Netflix special. (laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs) (claps) (door creaks) Ha.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Couldn't think of any other way to start.
- TGTodd Glass
The opposite of what I thought you... (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) (burps)
- TGTodd Glass
Wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
Dun-dun-dun. So you do have a new Netflix special, though?
- TGTodd Glass
I do.
- JRJoe Rogan
I don't want this to be, like, an interview.
- TGTodd Glass
No, but I, but I, but I, but I, I like it. I'm actually proud of it. You know, it's like, I'm still proud of it, you know?
- JRJoe Rogan
That's awesome.
- TGTodd Glass
Usually, a certain amount of time will go by where I'm like, "Ugh."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
Like, by the time I'm even... Now, I've gotten it better on the road, 'cause you know, I was-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
... you know, the day after you shoot it, you go out on the road-
- JRJoe Rogan
And you're a murderer.
- TGTodd Glass
... and you have a little fun with it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
And that's when you go, "Ugh," and then you go... But I'm still proud of it. It was my favorite thing I've... It, it... The guy did, Jeff Rowe is the guy who... And Scott Moran, but just everything I wanted, they did it perfect.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's awesome.
- TGTodd Glass
The look, the lighting.
- 1:00 – 2:00
Designing comedy spaces: The Lyric set makeover and what makes a room feel ‘real’
- JRJoe Rogan
Where'd you do it?
- TGTodd Glass
I did it at The Lyric, but... And The Lyric is great, but there's no doubt-
- JRJoe Rogan
This, is The Lyric in LA?
- TGTodd Glass
The Lyric is in LA. It's like at Melrose and, Melrose and La Brea.
- JRJoe Rogan
Ah.
- TGTodd Glass
Pretty... But, but they sort of used it as a shell, and it's already a pretty cool club, but... You know, it's so... The b- the biggest compliment I got, someone said, "You know what's weird about your special? I wanna go there and it doesn't exist."
- JRJoe Rogan
Ah.
- TGTodd Glass
What it looked like.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right, right.
- TGTodd Glass
Like, "Where is that?"
- JRJoe Rogan
They had good set people.
- TGTodd Glass
They... It just looked like a cool jazz club in New York City that was maybe, but not... It wasn't small 'cause it was an aft... You know, sometimes it's small, but it's shitty. It's, but it's-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
That's the look. And it's cool. It's sort of a ki... What's the word? Kitschy or...
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, I don't know what that word is. I don't... See, written-
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah, but it's charming and that's the look they want. I didn't want that. Not that I think that's bad, but... 'Cause some people have done that really well and it's a cool way to see a comedian just in a cool little raw space. But I wanted small, but like, like it's a jazz club in New York City, but it's like 150 bucks to get in and it holds 100 people. It's like a... That type of thing, run like a theater, you know?
- 2:00 – 3:50
Great clubs and great layouts: Helium Philly, small rooms, and audience proximity
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, you helped design one of my all-time favorite clubs, Helium in Philly. You helped design that place, didn't you?
- TGTodd Glass
Well, m- when Mark, Mark, uh... He... Acme, uh, Louis Lee said, "You know, Todd's from Philly. He'll probably love to give you advice."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
So when it was just a warehouse, like cement, uh, I met him down there and he's like, "I'm thinking of opening up a club." And you know, I told him a lot of stuff. I wrote, I, I, I made like... Well, email, you know? Like six pages of... You know, here's... Very detailed things. And you know what? He listened to a lot of it.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
I gotta give him credit, you know?
- JRJoe Rogan
That's awesome. It's a great fucking club.
- TGTodd Glass
It is.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's like there's something about those intimate spaces. Like, one of the things that I've noticed when I'll take people on the road with me is that guys who have never worked at theater, like it takes a few tries to get... They go, "Oh, okay, this is a whole different thing." There's so many people here. You gotta kind of project out to them. It's like a different thing. It's not... You don't feel them the way you feel 'em at the, in the OR-
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
... on like a Wednesday night, right? Or, um, Comedy Works in Denver where they're on top of you. You know, like you feel the people there more, right?
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah. Yeah, and then you learn it pretty quick though.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
You know?
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you ever do, uh, the belly room at the store?
- TGTodd Glass
(smacks lips) I've done it a few times and of course it's... I love little rooms.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
Like, I love, like, y-
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, when I used to do Tempe, you always did that-
- TGTodd Glass
I did. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
... side room on purpose. They would-
- TGTodd Glass
You joke, you know, every day.
- JRJoe Rogan
They were trying to get you to do the big place.
- TGTodd Glass
But, well, the m- the side place, you know... Not to get too... But you get it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, the whole side place was-
- TGTodd Glass
For the, for the listeners-
- JRJoe Rogan
I, I was jealous. I remember I came over, I was in the other s- the, the regular one, which is great. I was having a good time.
- TGTodd Glass
It's, it's... It is.
- JRJoe Rogan
But the one, when Joey and I went next door and watched you, I was like, "This room's better." This is the better room.
- 3:50 – 6:19
Engineering the vibe: bands, lighting gels, and getting every chair to face the stage
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs) Well, even in DC, which I think is a good example. DC has a 60-seat room and, uh, whenever I'm in there, I go... I, I give it... I had a two-piece band playing.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
We... They put black tablecloths on all the tables.
- JRJoe Rogan
Wow.
- TGTodd Glass
The lights are gelled blue. So now people are turning the corner-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, nice.
- TGTodd Glass
... into this thick blue room with two guys with black suits playing jazz as they're being seated and eating. So now I don't feel like it's an afterthought. You're, what you just said, and I'll take it as a compliment, y- the other comedian that's in the main room there, which is a awesome room-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
But they... You look into the little room and you're like, "It just looks like something's going on."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
And that's how I want it to look.
- JRJoe Rogan
No-
- TGTodd Glass
Does that make sense?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. No, it does make sense. It's, uh, it's more of a hang, right?
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
Than a big show. And your style's so loose on stage, like lends itself to intimacy, you know? Lends itself to those nice compact spots.
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you do the, ever do the Icehouse, that, the annex room?
- TGTodd Glass
I mean, not forever, but yeah, I know what you mean right away.
- JRJoe Rogan
Same thing. That one's the, the craziest. The Icehouse is about as deep as this room. That's fucking (laughs) it goes side to side-
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... a little bit. I think the whole room, that annex only gets... What is it, like 70 people? Maybe 70 people.
- TGTodd Glass
And all the chairs are like facing the audience.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yup. Yup.
- TGTodd Glass
See that says, "Oh no, no, no, no, no. You're, you're sitting here, you're gonna say goodbye to your friend for a little while."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. This shit-
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah. Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
... that they do at like some of the improvs like this, like... And then the people are watching the show like this and they have to kind of turn their head-
- TGTodd Glass
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
... and look past the person next to 'em. They're trying to feed you food too. Like you're working in a half restaurant.
- 6:19 – 8:50
Phone addiction at shows: Yondr bags, etiquette, and why it changes the experience
- JRJoe Rogan
... we got, you know, this ... Y- if you ever use those, use those Yondr bags? You know what those bags are? They make people put their cell phone in a bag.
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah, Denver has them.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Denver uses them for all their shows now. I started using 'em for all my shows.
- TGTodd Glass
So you just r- a company comes in and just-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
... does it for you?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, you hire them. They come in, and then when they put the bag, the phone in the bag, they still hold onto their phone.
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
They can leave the room if they get a phone call for like, you have a kid or something like that and someone's watching the kid. You can always get out of the room and make a call. But you can't call people when you're in the room. And w- I was having people calling people and talking on the phone. You could see them talking on the phone while the show's going on. And people around them would be getting pissed off. And, uh, someone on Twitter commented on it, and you just ... Everyone's got their phones up, and look, I know. I've done it too. I'm, I'm totally a hypocrite. When I saw Honey Honey with Gary Clark-
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
... he performed in this little tiny room in downtown LA. It was a midnight show on like a Tuesday, and I filmed it and I put it on my Instagram. So I, I know I'm a hypocrite. But that was a r- rare occasion, and it wasn't a comedy show. A w- it's like, a comedy show, you have to pay attention to what the fuck's going on. If you d- if you're filming it, you're n- definitely not paying full attention.
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's just not ... You're gonna miss some stuff. It's just not the same thing. When you're filming shit, like, everybody is just ... And even if you're not, you're checking this and checking texts, and boy, we got a real addiction problem in this country with these. These are new things.
- TGTodd Glass
Well-
- JRJoe Rogan
These are new objects.
- TGTodd Glass
... I, I realize, 'cause I'm not delusional, that w- that the amount of it, I can put most of it to rest with the pre-show announcement, where I'm at in my career.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
But I get it. As you get to different levels, there's different intensity, so I don't f- I get it. But, um, the, uh ... I, I changed my pre-show announcement when I went to see Brian Regan. The person next to me, I ... They were texting. I couldn't hear them. Matter of fact, they even had their sh- their light down. So you think, "Well, what could bother me?" And it did. And it didn't matter if it was right or wrong. I know what it was.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
I wanted the person next to me to be loving him as much as I was loving him.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
And the fact that I saw 'em on their phone all night, even they weren't making a peep. It started to bother the fuck out of me. I was getting angry, and then I went, "No, that's ... I, I'm gonna do the same thing at my show." I go, "Don't turn your thing all the way down." I go, "I know what you're thinking. You pull it out near your knee." I go, "Seriously, if you pull your phone out after this announcement, you n- y- it, you look like a dick."
- JRJoe Rogan
Ah, that's a good move.
- TGTodd Glass
I go, "And other than that, we're glad you're here." And you know what? It ... You just, you have to think of that announcement a little longer, but it works.
- 8:50 – 12:58
Technology creep and self-control: from phone habits to implants and discipline tradeoffs
- JRJoe Rogan
I'm worried about people. I really are. This is a really new thing. The more I'm thinking about it, the more, like, looking at your phone constantly is really only 10 years old. Right? Like, 2008-ish. The n- the iPhone came around 2009, right? Before that, people were a little texty. People, some people more texty than others. They really got into text messages. But once that iPhone came out, and once people started doing a bunch of stuff and apps and stuff on your phone, it changed the whole game.
- TGTodd Glass
You know, I don't know with this topic if I'm like ... I could be way off or I could be off-kilt, but the way I come to my conclusion about like, you know, you know, it is, it is a weird thing.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
And even me, I can acknowledge it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
Otherwise, if I don't acknowledge it, w- y- and then you're never gonna tell someone the opposing side if they don't think you get what ... Yeah, you see it. But it just seems like in the past. Now, this could be different with no, no snarkiness at all. This could be a different thing. Every time they think there's one of these things, like TV, radio, it just seems like, "Can we get past it?"
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, I think we'll get past it. I don't think-
- TGTodd Glass
You know what I mean. I didn't think the world was going to explode, but-
- JRJoe Rogan
No. I'm worried about certain ... I'm not worried about the human race, but I'm worried about the lives of certain people, if that makes sense.
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because it's like saying, like, are you worried that crack's gonna destroy the human race? No. I'm not worried that crack is gonna destroy, but I do think it can destroy the lives of some people. And I feel-
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
... the same way about this.
- TGTodd Glass
Right, like the texting. Like, I, I-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's not just that. It's, it's like being plugged into electronics to the point where that's where you're getting most of your stimuli from. You're getting artificial stimuli. My concern, this is a real concern, is that we're, we're getting really into that, and that we're gonna let it take the next step, which is some sort of an implant. I feel like this is, like, a ... we're in a movie. We're in a movie about a person that becomes a machine, and we're watching this rationalization process as we slowly get more and more en- ingrained and interconnected with technology.
- TGTodd Glass
We'll definitely, in our lifetime, have somebody like-
- JRJoe Rogan
100%.
- TGTodd Glass
I try ... Like, what you were just addressing, like w- we said before, like I, I catch myself and I t- really try. Like, if I had to give myself a grade on how much I've improved on, like, turning the phone off-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
... like, loving it for what's great about it, I give myself maybe a C-minus. But it means I've made some strides in, like, turning it off.
- JRJoe Rogan
You're not an F. You're not an F.
- TGTodd Glass
Not an F, not from far.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
Matter of fact, uh, I remember a week ago, I was going to The Grove and I went, "I'm not meeting anybody. I'm ..." And I left my phone in the car.
- JRJoe Rogan
Ooh, strong move.
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Right? That's a strong move.
- TGTodd Glass
Now, what sucked is I had two ideas-
- JRJoe Rogan
Riding the front of the car is like, oof.
- TGTodd Glass
I had two ideas and I was high and I didn't wanna write 'em down. I went, "Ah, shit." That's the thing about leaving your phone in the car.
- 12:58 – 16:47
Weed, joints vs vapes, and ‘moon spray’: health, highs, and ritual
- TGTodd Glass
Um, I smoke now seven nights a week.
- JRJoe Rogan
Wow.
- TGTodd Glass
So, I'll have like, a joint. I, I would say if I had to put it in joint size, maybe a joint per night. So it's not that, it's-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's not a tremendous amount.
- TGTodd Glass
Not a ... Just at night.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
Not that I'm saying I-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
It's not I want a prize for that. Just for me, it works better at night. But I say I, I quit smoking and I did.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
I quit smoking. I used to smoke around a pack and a half a month.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's not that bad.
- TGTodd Glass
Is this as bad-
- JRJoe Rogan
Pack and a half a month is pretty-
- TGTodd Glass
It, it wasn't horrendous, but I quit-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
... because I had a, you know-
- JRJoe Rogan
Couple a day.
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
Uh, is this smoking seven nights with a, just a joint as bad as when I smoke cigarettes?
- JRJoe Rogan
No, it's not. It's not the same thing.
- TGTodd Glass
It's not even close?
- JRJoe Rogan
No, no. It's not even close. There's no evidence that marijuana smoke causes cancer.
- TGTodd Glass
(coughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
What you can do g- is get respiratory irritation. You can like, it, it can fuck with your voice. It like, smoke-
- TGTodd Glass
But the tar, like-
- JRJoe Rogan
But you could avoid all that stuff is what I was gonna say with a vaporizer.
- TGTodd Glass
I know, that's what I should be doing.
- JRJoe Rogan
Vaporizer's the way to go. But it is a different high, oddly enough. Vaporizer seems like a little bit more clean in some weird way. Like, it, when I get high with a vaporizer, I'm always like, "Whoa, this is like a..." It's almost as if... This is gonna sound so crazy. There's something that's, there's something that has to do with the fire interacting with the plant that connects you to nature. There's like, something about a lit joint just (inhales) you take it in (exhales) and you just f- you... I feel natural. When I vaporize, I feel alien. When I vaporize, I feel like, this, what this is, is like let's extract all of what it is to be a living thing and get to the molecules. What's the molecule?
- 16:47 – 19:25
Food, impulse, and creativity: why discipline is harder for certain personalities
- TGTodd Glass
You think why am I asking you this? But I think you might have an answer. So, but I'm being (laughs) totally honest.
- JRJoe Rogan
Okay.
- TGTodd Glass
I'm exhausted from dealing with like, I, it's, it's like, not like it's a big deal, but it's like the first time you, whether... You can admit major things in your life like, "Oh, I have a drinking problem."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
But there can be stupid little things, you know? Mine is eating.
- JRJoe Rogan
Hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
Like, I am exhausted from doing it the wrong way. And it, everything comes back to me for self-control. So when people wanna tell me about a diet, I don't... It's not portions. I know what portions are. I just c- I wanna eat more.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
So it's all down to how do I fucking get self-control? I have zero... I mean, if I'm not gonna call it zero self-control, then I don't know what the hell I'm gonna call it.
- JRJoe Rogan
But as you have-
- TGTodd Glass
It's very hard for me. And, and very-
- JRJoe Rogan
No, you're, you're very hard on yourself. I think you have self-control, Todd. I think you're a wonderful man.
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
But you're, you're hilarious and one of the reasons why you're hilarious is because you're so... You're free, you're impulsive and that sort of, that, that, it's very difficult for that to lend itself to dietary discipline. It's like, "I wanna eat it. Fuck it."
- TGTodd Glass
(sighs)
- JRJoe Rogan
"Do you wanna eat it? Should I eat it? I just wanna fucking eat it." Right? That's you, but that's p- also part of what makes you such a hilarious comic. It's like you have these impulses. You don't want-
- TGTodd Glass
Well, that makes me feel better.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, you don't want this comfort-
- TGTodd Glass
Split the difference at least with what you're saying.
- JRJoe Rogan
But you don't want discomfort and you wanna have fun and it's like it's right there that I wanna eat, I wanna eat that food. Fuck it. Right?
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs) I just had a, a thought of me like, picture me at the, at the, uh, Canter's shoving cheesecake in my, in my mouth. And my friends are like looking at me like, "Todd." And I go, "Joe Rogan said that because I'm creative-"
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
"... that I should eat whatever I want. He said it!"
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
"And you can go listen to his podcast. He said that I should eat... He told me-"
- NANarrator
Joe Rogan, and you can go listen, he said, "Clear out the mini bar before you get in your hotel bed."
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
"Even if it's, even if you're not really hungry." 'Cause I'm creative, okay? So I don't have control over this.
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- 19:25 – 22:18
Can sober people be great comics? Yoga as a ‘psychedelic’ reset and mind-cleansing
- TGTodd Glass
Let me ask you this.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
And I, and I'm n- I don't... This thought could be wrong. Like, I'm okay with thinking something and then maybe finding out, but whenever a comedian, and I'm, I bet there's funny ones out there, definitely, 'cause over the years, I remember them. I can't think of which ones, but-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
... they definitely exist.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
They are funny.
- JRJoe Rogan
Very funny.
- TGTodd Glass
You know, they are funny. But they've never smoked, drank.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
How... Can you be a good comedian if you haven't done those things? (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
I think you, you be a good comedian if you're a man, you could be a good comedian if you're a woman, you could be a good comedian if you're gay or trans. You just, you are a good comedian if you're a good comedian. And-
- TGTodd Glass
Is that... W- Why do I ask that? Because I might-
- JRJoe Rogan
I dunno.
- TGTodd Glass
... should be embarrassed to ask that, b-
- JRJoe Rogan
There's a lot of people that are really good that don't do shit.
- TGTodd Glass
They don't, uh, never.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, they don't, they don't have a desire to. You know, it's just, everybody's brain works different. And some people, like, the idea of losing control with a substance is not, not fun.
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
They don't like that feeling. And s- but they can keep their shit together. You know, I know a lot of people that don't drink, they don't do anything, but they keep their shit together. And maybe that's better. For them, they feel like it is. I don't know, I don't know if-
- TGTodd Glass
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
... I know-
- TGTodd Glass
You know what? I, I, I, as I ask that, you gave me the answer that, you know, to go, "You're right, you're right."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
But, like, I ask it, means that I had a question about that. And I th- and the, and then I, I think I've, I've talked about this in the past, and once I was like, somebody was saying, "Well, they maybe, what if you're not experimenting?" And at the... But no, there's-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
... a billion ways to, uh, to do those things-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
... that you use pot to do without the pot, obviously.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, I think I use-
- 22:18 – 25:43
Todd’s ‘hot washcloth’ ritual: a simple group practice to force stillness
- TGTodd Glass
I, as far as the stopping thing, think I have a great idea for people to do to get a smidget of what it's like to stop. If you go, "Okay, I won't meditate," or, "I won't do this," I get it-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
... I get it. But this, I th- If you do it, I promise, whoever does it that's listening will go, you'll get a little taste of it, and it all happens naturally. But it started by accident, but then I-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
We started realizing, it's about stopping. So, like, one night, it was about, like, probably 10 years ago, after dinner, or before dinner, I had some hot washcloths. And I was like, "Oh, just like at a Chinese restaurant," joking around. But we all did it, and then we realized, wow, that really stopped us. The heat, putting it on your face.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
So now I make it, I have a ritual that I do. I d- I have it all figured out. I get, like... Uh, eh, the less people, the better, because the hot washcloth has a short shelf life. It has to be so scorching hot when you hand it to people so it, by the time they get it to their face, you know?
- JRJoe Rogan
Right, right.
- TGTodd Glass
You can't take warm. So I use the tea kettle, pour it all over, like, six of them. And here's the rule. The radio goes off. Sometimes you think, "Oh, I'll leave it on, I don't feel like walking over and turning it off." Nope, even if it's jazz, off. And I ask everybody, "Check the pulse of the room." If, if everyone, if you take yours off and you're ready to start talking but you see, oh, three people still have it on their face, "Shh," and I go, "I'll break it." But just, once the hot, once you get the hot washcloth in your hands, I go, "It's gonna be hot. You're gonna wanna go, 'Ow, it's hot.' It's way too hot. It's hotter than you think it is. So just get ready." I give everybody one, they put it on their face. No one even has to tell them to take a deep breath. You naturally do after, like, a second, 'cause you need to, so you go... (inhales deeply) Then you let it out, and then I go, "Wow." And then you literally, spiritually, you shut down, and then you wipe your hands, literally take some of the dirt off your hands from the day. And we always think, "Holy shit." Resetting yourself, that's a simple way-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
... to get a taste-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
... of... And then we always make the joke. We're like, "Oh, well, are we just gonna eat and then we're gonna go throughout the whole day?" And then, "Oh, put our food, okay, blah, lah, lah, lah."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
I go, "No, of course, stop." You got us... And that hot washcloth, it's like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm.
- TGTodd Glass
... fuck.
- JRJoe Rogan
(coughs) Yeah, I think your brain has requirements for those things. Those kind of things, I think so, those, those kind of moments are really good for your...... just good for your outlook, a reset. I think that's like the same feeling that a- a maybe primitive man would get when he would, like, walk up to the edge of a cliff and see, like, some crazy view and see nature and birds flying around, the sun as ... (sighs) "Wow."
- TGTodd Glass
(sighs)
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, "Hey," you know, "This is, yeah, I'm getting chased by leopards every day, but look, this is fucking amazing." Like, a renewed e- e- enthusiasm-
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... about life, about life itself.
- TGTodd Glass
And the simplest things, obviously.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
I have a theory, I don't give myself any credit when I have these talks when things are going well. Like, "It's good. It he-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
You know, like ... But if I can be in a tense moment and get out of it-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
... where I would've ... Then I get my ... Then I'll be proud of myself.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, that's the thing about all that motivational speaking stuff, right? Like, you know, it's like the guy who's doing all the motivational speaking, if he's pulling up in a Rolls-Royce and he lives in a big mansion, it's like, "Yeah, you're enthusiastic. Look, everything's going great." H- how are you if someone takes all this stuff away? Then, then it becomes-
- 25:43 – 37:44
Learning the craft: starting over, Taekwondo teaching, and the open-mic attrition rate
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) You know, could you imagine if someone told you ... Dane Cook was the first one I ever heard talk about this, so I'll give him credit for that. Uh, he said, "I would no- never wanna try to do standup again. I don't think I could do it. Like, that it is so hard to do that I n- I would never wanna start and do it again." Did you ever think, like, what it would be like if you had to start again? Like, right now, you don't, you have n- zero jokes, you've never (laughs) done standup, but somehow or another you have this vague memory of the grind that it takes to become an actual professional?
- TGTodd Glass
I think I'd do it in a heart- I think definitely.
- JRJoe Rogan
Definitely, right?
- TGTodd Glass
Definitely.
- JRJoe Rogan
Definitely. But that's because you already know, right? You already know you could do it. It'd be a totally different thing.
- TGTodd Glass
Right, right, oh, yeah, I bet not.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's, it's actually a stupid question. Now that I think about it, fuck Dane Cook.
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Just kidding. (laughs) Just kidding, Dane.
- TGTodd Glass
(claps hands)
- JRJoe Rogan
Don't get ex- upset. But I'm saying if you, if you think about it, like, it, it doesn't even make any sense, because of course you would know that you could make it, so it'd be way easier, even if you just started, "Oh, can't believe I'm 21 again, doing standup."
- TGTodd Glass
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
"This is ridiculous."
- TGTodd Glass
Are y- are you 21 again, or are you just-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
Oh, you are?
- JRJoe Rogan
I- you'd have to start from scratch.
- TGTodd Glass
I'd just do it to go b- get younger. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
But then once you made the decision, you would ... Un- unless you live in some bizarro world where you're allowed to live two lives, you would never even have memory, right? You'd be 21.
- TGTodd Glass
Right. That's what I-
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, are you, would you w- ... All I'd have to do is just say yes-
- TGTodd Glass
Yes. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
... and I'd be 21 again. It's a stupid fucking question. It's stupid.
- TGTodd Glass
Maybe, may- maybe you're having a little off.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
Maybe he'd be like, "No, I said this and that." Uh-
- JRJoe Rogan
I don't think he thought it through. (laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
You s- you said something a minute ago, and I shou- that's when I should write shit down, that was when I asked you ... Was it about the food thing? No, no, no. What were you just talking about before, the d- the, we're talking about-
- JRJoe Rogan
We were talking about discipline, like hard asses, and then, um, then we got to, like, how difficult it would be to start over, do it-
- TGTodd Glass
Mm-hmm.
- 37:44 – 46:24
Roast battles, bombing, and recording sets: where the ‘juice’ in standup comes from
- JRJoe Rogan
You know what? Some of comedy is a sport. You know why? It's 'cause, like, you're attacking things that aren't there, right? Like, you're going after stupid laws and dumb shit that happened, and, like, you- you're literally, by using your words and the way you're describing things, l- literally having a little battle with something that's not even there.
- TGTodd Glass
I call them verbal- I hope I say it right- ver- verbal shit. What's it when they're in prison? They- what do they do? They-
- JRJoe Rogan
Shivs, right?
- TGTodd Glass
Verbal-
- JRJoe Rogan
Isn't it shivs?
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
We're so white. Shank.
- TGTodd Glass
Shank.
- JRJoe Rogan
Shank. It's a shank.
- TGTodd Glass
Verb- a verbal shank.
- JRJoe Rogan
Like, don't you shiv them?
- NANarrator
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You shiv them with your shank. (laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
We'll be back. Um...
- JRJoe Rogan
Aah!
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
So you- you- you shi- okay, sometimes when a comedian, like, has just a turn of phrase that would fucking... I always go, "Oh, he shivved them with his words."
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm, I think he does.
- TGTodd Glass
Like, he just... A verbal shiv.
- JRJoe Rogan
I think that was correct.
- TGTodd Glass
Like, oh, that's-
- NANarrator
Ugh!
- JRJoe Rogan
I think that's correct.
- TGTodd Glass
It's fun to watch-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm, yeah.
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- 46:24 – 55:48
Mitch Hedberg and Rodney Dangerfield: silliness, timing, and legendary freedom
- JRJoe Rogan
Hedberg had a joke about that.
- TGTodd Glass
Too lazy to get up. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, about being too lazy to get up to get a pen to write something down. So I just convinced myself it wasn't that funny in the first place. (laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
Is that great?
- JRJoe Rogan
But what's great is that, that was a bit he did on stage and it would kill.
- TGTodd Glass
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I mean, I, I didn't do it well. I don't remember the way, the phrasing.
- TGTodd Glass
No, you got the gist. You got the gist.
- JRJoe Rogan
But ...
- TGTodd Glass
We ... You know the used to? We were think ... Okay. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes. (laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
So last night we were saying, I used to do Mitch Hedberg's "I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too." I mean, "I still do, but I used to too."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
Okay. I know I- Let me back up for a second. So I do Mitch doing Rodney Dangerfield. You know, I do Rodney if he did Mitch. I'll be like, "I'll tell you the other day, guys, I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too." You know?
- JRJoe Rogan
That's actually pretty good.
- TGTodd Glass
And you, yeah. So you do any Mitch Hedberg joke as Rodney and it's, you know-
- JRJoe Rogan
And it's kills.
- TGTodd Glass
He says, "I'll tell you the other day, a guy asked me if I wanted a banana. You know, I said, 'No, I want a regular one later.' He said, 'Oh, right.' You know?" Oh no, right. You know what are you gonna do, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
So I u- I do the used to... I hope this goes somewhere.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
So I used ... I, I, I did the, uh, "I'll tell you, I used to do drugs. I st-"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
So my friend asked me if I still do that. He ... I go, "I used to do the Mitch Hedberg 'I still do drugs but I used to too.' I still do but I used to too." (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- TGTodd Glass
Do something in there.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's amazing that you kept it all together through that.
- TGTodd Glass
I did for that one.
- JRJoe Rogan
Through some of the used to, to the used to too.
- TGTodd Glass
But it makes sense. It makes sense.
- 55:48 – 1:08:17
Relationships and communication: checking in, avoiding gender generalizations, and college exposure
- TGTodd Glass
Can I tell you-
- JRJoe Rogan
... that's bad.
- TGTodd Glass
... what you do to prevent that?
- JRJoe Rogan
What do you do?
- TGTodd Glass
I hope I'm answering, I hope I'm... Is that... Like, 'cause you know when people tell stories and be like, "And, and, and everything was great." I, I think this is addressing what you're saying. Um, everything was great and then it just, he, he, or he or she, or she or she, whatever the relationship is, somebody else goes, "And they wanted to end it. Everything was great." Well, look-
- JRJoe Rogan
Hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
... because what do you want them to do? "Wait." I'm not saying there's not rules and feelings and how you present it, but-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
... I think most of the time everything is great. And then you, uh, you realize one day, you wake up. And I've had a... To me, I must have been on the other end of this, and they-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
... they just don't wanna be in it, but they stay in it because that doesn't mean they don't, not care about you.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- TGTodd Glass
So they stay in it and it gets bad. You see it coming. So I always say... I always let someone know. D- Let them know you're not crazy. That, like, you... They learn that by what you tell about past stories. Like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
And I once said this to someone, it was very early on, but I said, "I have a feeling." I practiced it in my head and I was glad I did. And I was, like, 23 or 24 at the time. I said, "I have a feeling that I like you more than you like me."
- JRJoe Rogan
Whoa.
- TGTodd Glass
And I said, "I... It's okay." I go, "Let me say this 'cause I don't want this to be the day where I threw you off. If I'm wrong, I really like you. So if you're... If I just read it wrong, that's great."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
"But, but, but if that's the... But I don't think that's it."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
I go, "I won't... Of course I'll be sad, but I won't hate you. I won't be... I wo- I, I'm... I'll be okay."
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- TGTodd Glass
"So if it's..." And then, and then he was like, "You, you're right." And 'cause I said it-
- JRJoe Rogan
Damn.
- TGTodd Glass
... in a way that I could... That he would be comfortable to say, "You know what?"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- TGTodd Glass
"I, it... I w- I put a little bit of choke, a little bit of, like, swa- But I was okay." And I, and I wanna know that. So that's my answer to your question.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right. You don't wanna be delusional.
- TGTodd Glass
I don't wanna be delusional. I felt it and I asked and I asked... The fact that, the fact that I put that preface in there, "Look, I need to let you know this, not to make you feel bad."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
Episode duration: 2:33:30
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Transcript of episode 2_acNtmiikY
