Joe Rogan Experience #1123 - Kevin Smith

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Biatch. We're live. Dude,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Biatch. We're live. Dude, we always, we always say-

   2. KSKevin Smith0:13

      Yes.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      ... we're gonna do these regularly.

   4. KSKevin Smith0:15

      Yes.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Every, like, two or three years, we pledge that we will do these regularly. (laughs)

   6. KSKevin Smith0:19

      And then a decade goes by- (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      But we're here.

   8. KSKevin Smith0:21

      ... and then we don't see each other. But I hope that in your heart, just like mine, that, uh, it's not like, "Ugh, I've had enough of that fuck."

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:29

      No, no, no, it's life.

   10. KSKevin Smith0:30

       It's like, you know, he... I know how f-... I see how busy you are. You're one of the few people I follow on Instagram. And I, I've said it on the previous show, I just love to look at your life 'cause I'm like, "Fuck, he's doing everything he wants and nothing I'd ever wanna do-

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       (laughs)

   12. KSKevin Smith0:43

       ... but, fuck, he goes to the hill." And not in a judge-y way of, like, "He shouldn't be doing that," but just, like, you know, you li-... I've said it, but you live a man's life. I live a boy's life as a 47-year-old man.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       (laughs)

   14. KSKevin Smith0:53

       So you do things like you got a float tank, you hunt, you got a fucking... You know how to handle a bow and arrow. I'm the guy that writes about people that shoot bow and arrows to stop crimes. They usually have boxing gloves at the end of them and shit like that.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:05

       Yeah, but that's good too. Like, we all-

   16. KSKevin Smith1:07

       Oh, believe me, I ain't shit on it.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       We need it all. Like...

   18. KSKevin Smith1:08

       But I, I do, I do... I, I guess the point is, I know you're busy as fuck, and I know sometimes I get very busy as fuck, but I think we only don't do this because of-

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:19

       Yeah.

   20. KSKevin Smith1:19

       ... how busy we are.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:20

       Yeah, that's all it is. I mean-

   22. KSKevin Smith1:21

       My fe-... And that's, that's very kind of you to say. You're like, "That's... Yes. Yeah, I'll buy that."

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:24

       No, no, it's all it is for me, for sure.

   24. KSKevin Smith1:26

       But for me, I'm like... For me, I'm like, "Fuck, I could do that once a week," because I'd walk away... I always walk away with a real, like, uh, li-... I've never done cocaine, but I imagine it's what it's like-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:35

       (laughs)

   26. KSKevin Smith1:35

       ... to do a line of cocaine off, I don't know, somebody beautiful or something like that.

   27. NANarrator1:39

       (Gasps) Hmm.

   28. KSKevin Smith1:39

       I always walk away with wisdom, and it's wisdom that even though it's on a podcast and recorded and there's a record of, like, "Well, that's where you learned those things," I still go out into the world, present them as my own. (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:49

       That's for-

   30. KSKevin Smith1:50

       Like I'm a smart, well-read person.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      ba... I, I was very, uh, knee-jerk. So I said, "Okay, let me really examine this."

   2. KSKevin Smith15:05

      Mm-hmm.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      And what... The real issue, I think, is going to be automation and artificial intelligence. I think it's going to remove a tremendous amount of jobs. I think automation in terms of, uh, car driving and, uh, d- different, just different functions once they get better at robotics and being able to do thing... And then people will be less and less necessary.

   4. KSKevin Smith15:29

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:29

      And they, they have a real problem, they think, with cars. With the number of males that drive cars, it's, uh, in the millions for a job, and that they would all, like, almost instantly be out of work if they ever get these automated cars down, you know, where everybody-

   6. KSKevin Smith15:45

      Do they... I mean, one, w- since we're a t- a culture that believes in technology-

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:50

      Mm-hmm.

   8. KSKevin Smith15:50

      ... one's inclined to believe, oh, they will get these self-driving vehicles down to a science.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:56

      I think they'll get it down. They're g- they're pretty damn close-

   10. KSKevin Smith15:58

       Close, but, like-

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:59

       ... considering the fact that-

   12. KSKevin Smith15:59

       ... as, as soon as-

   13. JRJoe Rogan16:00

       ... it didn't exist.

   14. KSKevin Smith16:00

       ... somebody gets hit-

   15. JRJoe Rogan16:02

       Right.

   16. KSKevin Smith16:02

       ... they get set back couple hundred miles.

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       Well, there's been a few fatalities, right? Several. But how many have been fatalities because of humans? And I always say, "That's true, but how many more humans are driving than fucking robots?"

   18. KSKevin Smith16:18

       That's true.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:18

       I mean, that shit is off the charts. That number's-

   20. KSKevin Smith16:21

       And that-

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       ... gotta be bananas. Like, how many actual robots are out there driving? What do you got, 10? And two of 'em kill people?

   22. KSKevin Smith16:26

       Right.

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:26

       Settle down.

   24. KSKevin Smith16:27

       But still-

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:28

       (laughs)

   26. KSKevin Smith16:28

       ... if you, if you look at the numbers, though-

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:30

       Yeah.

   28. KSKevin Smith16:30

       ... billions of people driving cars, only 10 robots, and they've already taken two lives. So that's pretty... It was a pretty... Those are bad odds right there.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:38

       They're gonna eat us, bro.

   30. KSKevin Smith16:38

       (laughs)
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) …

   1. KSKevin Smith30:00

      'cause he woke up and nobody was home. Like my mom wasn't around, nobody was there.... and he's like, uh, "Where is everybody?" And he fucking startled me awake, so I was like, "What? Oh, Donald, Donald, they had to go to the school 'cause Donald lost his Thriller." And then my father goes, "What?" And I was like, "Donald lost his Thriller." And he was like, "I don't know what you're saying." And I was like, "But Do- Mom said that Donald lost his Thriller." And I kept replacing the word wallet with fucking Thriller, and my father-

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:26

      (laughs)

   3. KSKevin Smith30:26

      ... looked at me and, and literally set me aside the next day to be like, "Are you using drugs?" And I was like, "No, I just... Y- you woke me up." I, I, I guess I was in some sort of... Maybe I was dreaming about fucking Thriller. It was 1982, you know? Like... (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:38

      Yeah, your brain just never clicked back over into waking life.

   5. KSKevin Smith30:41

      Right.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:41

      It just stayed in this weird zombie land.

   7. KSKevin Smith30:43

      Where, where wallet meant Thriller-

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:44

      Did you find that, uh...

   9. KSKevin Smith30:46

      ... and Thriller meant wallet?

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       No?

   11. KSKevin Smith30:47

       I'm trying to figure out... What were we looking for?

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:48

       Dude got pulled over, and I'm trying to remember what he told the cops where they realized that something was going on. I think it was, it was in one of the articles that I tweeted. The story was in one of the articles that I tweeted. Um...

   13. KSKevin Smith30:59

       What happens in that instance? You get in trouble?

   14. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       I don't know. Here's the, but here's the thing that I should say, for people-

   15. KSKevin Smith31:02

       Like, can they, can they arrest you for being the Ambien driver?

   16. JRJoe Rogan31:05

       It's a... This is, it's a rare reaction 'cause a lot of people take that shit.

   17. KSKevin Smith31:09

       Right.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:09

       You know, a lot of people-

   19. KSKevin Smith31:10

       And you don't hear this story all the time.

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:12

       Right. There's, there's-

   21. KSKevin Smith31:12

       There's not, there's not a web page-

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:13

       They're not selling just a couple of those pills a day.

   23. KSKevin Smith31:15

       Right, and there's no web page-

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:17

       They're selling millions of them.

   25. KSKevin Smith31:17

       ... devoted to stories of people who took Ambien and, and got fired for being racist.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:21

       Right. Well, even better, there's no stories of people that took Ambien and, uh, you know, became, uh, addicted to it and became some sort of a... Or is there? Is it addictive? Is Ambien addictive?

   27. KSKevin Smith31:36

       I would say probably.

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:37

       Yeah, I would say probably, yeah. I think that, like, getting addicted to falling asleep, or needing it to fall asleep, probably, yeah.

   29. KSKevin Smith31:41

       Yeah, I guess if you're somebody who was like, "I can't go to sleep without that."

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:44

       Well, yeah, I wonder if it's addictive like maybe like a heroin is addictive? No, right? Or like a speed, you know, like people get like physically addicted to things.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Well, it's all... That…

   1. KSKevin Smith45:00

      thought, like, "They're just being polite."

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      Well, it's all... That too, and, like, my sense of humor was fucked up because it was all fighters, you know? And so everybody was, like... They were hard men.

   3. KSKevin Smith45:10

      Right.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:10

      So you had to have, like, a certain sting to your gallows humor.

   5. KSKevin Smith45:14

      Right.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:14

      While everybody was on their way to go kick people in the head. It was just a, a weird life, you know? It was a very, very strange way to be 15.

   7. KSKevin Smith45:22

      Right, right.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:23

      And, you know, have 15, 16, 17. That was like my whole life til I was 21.

   9. KSKevin Smith45:26

      So wait, that wasn't the adrenaline rush?

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       The adrenaline brush of doing standup was unexpected. That's why it freaked me out, because I didn't think I was gonna be so nervous and I was shitting my pants. I just didn't have a background in performing. And right before I was going up there, I was thinking of all the times that I, I fought and I should be comfortable doing this.

   11. KSKevin Smith45:43

       Right.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:43

       But I was fucking shitting my pants (laughs) . I was so terrible. Oh, I was so... I was so terrified.

   13. KSKevin Smith45:49

       Where was it?

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:49

       It was in Boston at a place called Stitches.

   15. KSKevin Smith45:52

       Are they still there?

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       August 27th, 1988. No, no, they're not still there.

   17. KSKevin Smith45:55

       Oh, fuck! You know the date?

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:56

       Yeah, for sure.

   19. KSKevin Smith45:56

       Ah, you're gonna make me cry. That's awesome.

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:58

       Ah.

   21. KSKevin Smith45:58

       Why do you remember that?

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       I don't know. I always remembered it.

   23. KSKevin Smith46:00

       Say it again.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:01

       August 27th, 1988.

   25. KSKevin Smith46:03

       Okay, so naturally, everything I hear, I have to put through a filter of, "How does this affect me?"

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:07

       Mm-hmm.

   27. KSKevin Smith46:07

       So I'm sitting there going, "What was I doing August 27th, 1988?" I had just graduated high school in June and where was I working? I was working at Bi-Rite Liquors and shit like that. Um, and it would be two years before I would go onto the stage at Rascals in Eatontown-

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:29

       Wow.

   29. KSKevin Smith46:29

       ... between the Monmouth Mall and the CV Square Mall and try it myself. And I didn't shit my pants.

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:32

       Was that the West Orange?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:04:08

   They were like a…

   1. KSKevin Smith1:00:00

      because how can you have a commercial and sell your product for 59 cents a box?

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:04

      They were like a m- a moister cake.

   3. KSKevin Smith1:00:05

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      Looks like a better experience.

   5. KSKevin Smith1:00:06

      'Cause they had more of those trans fats that are (laughs) just so goddamn yummy.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:10

      Oh, the ones that kill people. Did they have trans fats back then?

   7. KSKevin Smith1:00:12

      I think so. I think they didn't call it fats.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:14

      When did they invent trans fats?

   9. KSKevin Smith1:00:15

      ... probably, well, think about it. Trans fats are part of, uh, uh, when you eat, like, what were those cookies that were not Pique Frean's? Um, it is, like, a white Oreo. Um, goddamn it, I forget the name of it. It was well, fairly well-known, but when I was a kid, it was an older brand from child, some of my parents' childhood. And ... Hydrox!

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       Mm.

   11. KSKevin Smith1:00:40

       Hydrox, their name, Hydrox, comes from hydrogenized, uh, palm oil or corn oil.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       (laughs)

   13. KSKevin Smith1:00:47

       And so-

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:48

       That shit's terrible for you. (laughs)

   15. KSKevin Smith1:00:49

       ... so they, that's when it began. They were like, "Hey, we can take this and fuck it up and turn it into something edible," and shit like that, not knowing-

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:55

       Wow.

   17. KSKevin Smith1:00:55

       ... it would block our arteries.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

       Yeah, that-

   19. KSKevin Smith1:00:57

       But-

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

       ... canola oil, like all that kinda shit.

   21. KSKevin Smith1:00:59

       That kinda nonsense.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:01:00

       That stuff.

   23. KSKevin Smith1:01:00

       But I went re-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:01:01

       No bueno.

   25. KSKevin Smith1:01:01

       After a heart attack, I went fucking vegan.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:03

       Hydrox, that's it.

   27. KSKevin Smith1:01:03

       There it is, Hydrox.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:05

       That is crazy. It's named after a chemical that can fucking kill you. (laughs)

   29. KSKevin Smith1:01:09

       (laughs) And that's how they marketed it back in the day. "Hey, kids! Chemicals."

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:12

       Dude, I used to fuck up some Pepperidge Farms cookies.

Episode duration: 3:12:50