Joe Rogan Experience #1132 - Kyle Kingsbury

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   When it comes to…

   1. NANarrator0:11

      When it comes to defending America, it is not enough to merely have an American presence in space.

   2. KKKyle Kingsbury0:18

      That's right.

   3. NANarrator0:18

      We must have American dominance in space. So important. Very importantly, I'm hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a Space Force as the sixth branch of the Armed Forces. That's a big statement. We are going to have the Air Force and we are going to have the Space Force, separate but equal. It is going to be something so important. General Dunford, if you would carry that assignment out, I would be very greatly hon-

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:01

      (laughs) Look at Mike Pence. Mike Pence has this look on his face like, "I'm going to be the president."

   5. KKKyle Kingsbury1:09

      (laughs)

   6. NANarrator1:09

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:09

      He's like, "This motherfucker's gone completely crazy-

   8. KKKyle Kingsbury1:12

      (clears throat)

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:12

      ... and I'm gonna be the president next."

   10. KKKyle Kingsbury1:14

       That's his nod of approval.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:15

       Look at his face. He's got the face of a guy who knows he's going to be the president. Like, if you were about to be awarded something, like if there was some, uh, something you were about to get and you're like, "Wow, I worked my whole life for this and here it is. I'm gonna get that thing right now. I'm gonna be the fucking president." (laughs)

   12. KKKyle Kingsbury1:34

       (laughs)

   13. NANarrator1:34

       (laughs)

   14. KKKyle Kingsbury1:34

       (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:34

       He must be like, "This guy is never gonna last eight years, and for sure he's gonna win again. I'm gonna be the president."

   16. KKKyle Kingsbury1:44

       So, you think for sure he wins again because... Is that because whoever the Democrats decide to put in is gonna be an equal turd sandwich again?

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:54

       You're a super smart dude, but you're also a brute. You're a big giant savage motherfucker, right?

   18. KKKyle Kingsbury1:59

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:59

       So how many people have underestimated you because you're a big giant savage motherfucker?

   20. KKKyle Kingsbury2:04

       Plenty.

   21. JRJoe Rogan2:04

       And talked stupid to you and acted like you were a moron?

   22. KKKyle Kingsbury2:07

       I'd say equal street fights, two fights in the UFC.

   23. JRJoe Rogan2:10

       Yeah. There's a lot of people, right? That... And, and just people in general, like, they'll get snotty. I don't take Stevia.

   24. KKKyle Kingsbury2:16

       Yeah, I'm glad.

   25. JRJoe Rogan2:17

       I'm going like my men. (sips) Ah. But I think there's a certain part of us that might be doing that with him. I don't think he is... I think he's really good at winning. This is, this is, uh, this is not a, not, uh, like a, a, a, an endorsement of him. Um, horri-

   26. KKKyle Kingsbury2:39

       No caveats necessary.

   27. JRJoe Rogan2:40

       Yeah. I'm horrified by this immigration policy of separating children from their parents. I think that's subhuman. I think-

   28. KKKyle Kingsbury2:47

       His wife came out and, and said that was bullshit, right?

   29. JRJoe Rogan2:49

       Yeah. His wife's an immigrant, bro. His wife barely speaks English. It's chaos, right? It's crazy. I hate, I hate all that stuff. These are just families. They're just people who love each other. You gotta keep them together. If they break the law, you keep them together. Get them out of here if you want. I mean, if you want to send them back to wherever they came from if you're, you're hell-bent on that, but taking them from their kids is subhuman. I mean-

   30. KKKyle Kingsbury3:11

       Mm-hmm.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Whoa. …

   1. KKKyle Kingsbury15:00

      oyster mushrooms eating away oil spills.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      Whoa.

   3. KKKyle Kingsbury15:03

      So he fucking has like three giant vats of toxic waste. I wouldn't say toxic. Like garbage. And, uh, they're all coated in oil and he, he does different things to two of them. And then on the third one he puts oyster mushroom spores in there and they cover them and the other two just stink to fucking hell. Like they get worse over time.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:23

      Wow.

   5. KKKyle Kingsbury15:24

      The oyster mushrooms grow and they grow black as the oil starts to be absorbed by them. Then they break down every single carbon in the oil until eventually the oyster mushroom becomes white again and it's fucking edible.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:36

      What?

   7. KKKyle Kingsbury15:36

      Completely breaks it down. And these are giant oyster mushrooms. Like just fucking massive.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:43

      Dude, you're gonna get BP cocky. (laughs)

   9. KKKyle Kingsbury15:45

      (laughs) They're gonna, they're gonna get cocky. Like, "Look, we spill it. We got some fucking mushrooms. We're good, dude."

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       "We're good, we're good, we're good, dude."

   11. KKKyle Kingsbury15:52

       "We're good, dude."

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:52

       "Give us three months." Damn, could you imagine a giant oil spill out in the ocean and then the scientists drop like billions of spores. "What is this, genes?"

   13. KKKyle Kingsbury16:02

       That might not work in the ocean, but on land.

   14. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       But could you imagine if they did do it and it did work and you see these F- fucking building-sized mushrooms just sucking oil out of the ocean?

   15. KKKyle Kingsbury16:14

       That'd be awesome.

   16. JRJoe Rogan16:15

       It'd be crazy. And then they turn white and they become edible. (laughs)

   17. KKKyle Kingsbury16:19

       (laughs) And then just gotta figure out how to do that with psilocybin and we're golden.

   18. JRJoe Rogan16:22

       Wow. Yeah, j- ... Oh, that would be an easy fix to find some way to blend the two of them together. Don't you think?

   19. KKKyle Kingsbury16:30

       Do a cross- little crossbreed?

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:31

       Could they do that? I know they do that with plants, right?

   21. KKKyle Kingsbury16:33

       They gotta be able to do that.

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:35

       H- how do they do that with plants? 'Cause they ... You know what someone told me that blew me away? That there was, um ... They were, they were making pistachio trees and they were binding them somehow or another to avocado trees, and they were making them, like, grow together to make like a, a sturdier branch structure. I mean wh- what? You can do that? You can mix trees?

   23. KKKyle Kingsbury17:03

       I've seen ... Yeah. I've s- ... I know here they have mixed trees but they're from the same, like, phylum. I don't know if that's right. They're close enough genetically re- related but you'd have like one base of the tree that has the roots and then different branches on that tree grow different fruit.

   24. JRJoe Rogan17:17

       Wow.

   25. KKKyle Kingsbury17:18

       And you can have four different fruit styles on one tree. Like peaches, plums, apricots, all from one tree.

   26. JRJoe Rogan17:25

       Wow, dude. I had no idea.

   27. KKKyle Kingsbury17:29

       You can buy that shit at Costco.

   28. JRJoe Rogan17:30

       I believe you. I had no idea though. I would've assumed that ... I would assume that like a tomato has to be in a tomato tree. You know, that you can't splice a tomato tree-

   29. KKKyle Kingsbury17:41

       Tomato tree, yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan17:41

       ... to an apple tree.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   How many of them…

   1. KKKyle Kingsbury30:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      How many of them squeeze their pussy all the time and just do exercises like ... (groans) Look at this girl. She's got some stuff up her punana and then she's carrying weights around and she's doing yoga.

   3. NANarrator30:13

      Mm.

   4. KKKyle Kingsbury30:14

      Look at those pants.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:14

      Record-setting vaginal weightlifter.

   6. KKKyle Kingsbury30:17

      What's wrong with the pants?

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:19

      Well, there's a hole in the middle of it where that rope goes through. That's one thing. It's, that's a rough-looking rope, too, man. That's like a rope that you would (laughs) you, you'd tie, like, a, a dog to a tree with.

   8. KKKyle Kingsbury30:31

      (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:31

      (laughs) Oh, God. (laughs) That's- that's- that's not- that's not like a- Look at this. Oh, man. (laughs) That's not like a silk rope, that's a fucking rope, man. You know? She's not bad. I don't... Yeah, I really don't like the pants. This is crazy. But it's- it's nice that she's moving through different positions, you know. She's not just standing there hitting Qi Gong with it in there. She's- she's actually, she's working it. This is the sexual equivalent to you taking that overdose of those pills or of the, of that, that shit you were taking? Of the powder? Yeah, yeah, the powder? The sexual equivalent? It's exactly the sexual equivalent because you don't want to get jerked off by The Hulk, okay? You know what I'm saying? I don't know. You can't knock it until you've tried it. I would just imagine. I would- I would enter that and roll the dice and see how strong that is. What if she grabs it like your fist and you're like, "Oh, Jesus." She's like Pai Mei when he takes the arm. Like this. (groans) Do you want your cock back? Your cock belongs to me now. Like grab, yeah, grabs it like it hurts. Like, "Hey, hey." Well, it's still gonna be wet, right? Hopefully? Sure, yeah. I mean, everything seems to be in working order. Yeah. Yeah. That's a weird thing to want to be able to do it too, carry the most weight with your pussy. Yeah. Like, you- you'd like to see... Like, how did it go from that being a thought in your mind to, "One day I'll be the queen. (laughs) One day I will carry the most wei-" To like put it i- putting it on YouTube and figuring out a way to put it on YouTube where you have pants that have a hole in them. The whole- She started somewhere. Yeah. But I'm- I'm willing to bet that seed was planted early on in life, probably too early. Mm. Maybe. I don't know, man. Different strokes for different folks, right? If- if that's what you're into doing. Some people play tennis. Some people (laughs) some people are world record pussy weight holders. (laughs) Just like, what the fuck, man? Okay. If dudes could grow their dicks... For sure. If there was an exercise that could grow your dick- What are you talking about? You've talked about that. Yeah. Aren't there tribes in Africa where they hang shit from their... They like, uh, got a penis head piercing and they hang different weights from their cock? Yeah, there is some of that, right? Just stretch it out and they'll do like- I don't think that's the same. They do like dick games where they'll- they'll be semi-hard and they kind of work those muscles on top of the cock to flex the- the weight up and down. Hmm. Yeah, but if that was like a straightforward... So like the- the penis has to be erect in order for it to be hard and if it's erect and hard... Like, it's not a muscle that you could work out t- It has a semi. ... is what I'm saying. Yeah. But then, you know what I'm saying? Like- It's more about just stretching it. Yeah, like, but if you had a weight lifting exercise for the dick, like a bicep curl (laughs) You know how big the fucking line at the gym would be if someone invented that? There wou- no one would be waiting in line for the StairMaster, right? They would be waiting in line to get on that- that dick building machine, r- Just all these dudes with their pants around their ankles, stuffed into a glory hole with a- some kind of weight on the other side. But p- proportionately, like what percentage of girls that lift weight go immediately to booty exercises? Is it 100? It's got to be. (laughs) I mean, any kind of squat rack or anything crazy, yeah, that's where you're gonna, uh, find the girls that really want to put on that booty mass, right? It's like a high percentage. Do you think the dick strengthener would make it shorter and fatter? There would be dick strengthening gyms everywhere. But would it turn you into a Coke can? No, I think it would, uh, it wou- it would have to be like you could grow it out. Like, you could g- you could actually create more tissue. What is this? What are you showing us?

   10. KKKyle Kingsbury34:09

       I can't find the name of this movie.

   11. JRJoe Rogan34:11

       A guy's hanging, uh-

   12. KKKyle Kingsbury34:11

       I keep on trying. This is some like Asian movie where-

   13. JRJoe Rogan34:13

       Weights?

   14. KKKyle Kingsbury34:13

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan34:14

       From his dick?

   16. KKKyle Kingsbury34:15

       They're dead-

   17. JRJoe Rogan34:15

       They got like all these kettlebells?

   18. KKKyle Kingsbury34:16

       It's a sad exaggeration of it, but-

   19. JRJoe Rogan34:17

       (laughs)

   20. KKKyle Kingsbury34:18

       Hanging from his dick-

   21. JRJoe Rogan34:20

       (laughs)

   22. KKKyle Kingsbury34:20

       ... and the girl's like, "I can't believe this."

   23. JRJoe Rogan34:22

       She starts eating a banana in a second.

   24. KKKyle Kingsbury34:23

       Oh. Oh.

   25. JRJoe Rogan34:25

       There it is.

   26. KKKyle Kingsbury34:26

       Yes.

   27. JRJoe Rogan34:26

       (laughs) What is the name of this movie?

   28. KKKyle Kingsbury34:29

       I can't... I couldn't find the name. It's got to be a parody, but I don't know.

   29. JRJoe Rogan34:31

       She's got to keep them hard. (clears throat)

   30. KKKyle Kingsbury34:34

       There was like, there was a Black guy looking at him like, "What the fuck?" Or he- coming out right there.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   It's massive. I've noticed…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      and how to, how to interact with, with space. Whereas your foot is just kind of clubbing the ground all the time. I feel like with those shoes, the one thing I'm aware of is that the foot is acting, like, as an i- ... uh, all the little individual muscles are helping to push me around. You know?

   2. KKKyle Kingsbury45:16

      It's massive. I've noticed that on ... I mean, I'll walk-

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      You're wearing them right now, ladies and gentlemen.

   4. KKKyle Kingsbury45:19

      I wear them ... and I wear them all the time.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:20

      He's wearing them right now.

   6. KKKyle Kingsbury45:21

      N- no endorsement either.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:22

      No one f- no one fuckin' walks around with them.

   8. KKKyle Kingsbury45:23

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:24

      I don't walk around with them.

   10. KKKyle Kingsbury45:24

       Once I started walking in them on a long-term basis, especially doing longer walks and jogs, like, there's a clear-cut difference.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       Yeah.

   12. KKKyle Kingsbury45:30

       You have to be mindful of every fucking step you take.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       Yeah.

   14. KKKyle Kingsbury45:33

       Especially if they're thinner soled, you know? They make some thick-soled ones for, for trail running and whatnot, but-

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:38

       Yeah, I use those. I use those. I, I o- ... the only time I use the really thin ones are at the gym.

   16. KKKyle Kingsbury45:43

       Mm-hmm.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       But yeah, those are the ones I have, Jamie. They're, uh ... You just got to watch out for, like, sharp rocks. And I don't have to watch out for sharp rocks in the other ones. Like, if, if I'm running and something's kind of funky and it's ... I got to l- go, "Ooh, I don't want to land on that." I got to look. You know?

   18. KKKyle Kingsbury45:59

       Yeah, you got to pay attention.

   19. JRJoe Rogan46:00

       Yeah. But with those other ones, I could just kind of hustle and breathe. I don't have to ... But maybe that's not as good. Maybe it's better to do it that way. You know? Maybe it engages your brain more, forces you to think and make decisions while you're exhausted. Actually, it might be better.

   20. KKKyle Kingsbury46:19

       Now that-

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:19

       Now that I'm thinking about it, it might be a, like, a better thing to do as a workout.

   22. KKKyle Kingsbury46:22

       You're more present too.

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:24

       Yeah, you have to be.

   24. KKKyle Kingsbury46:24

       You're not thinking about other bullshit.

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:25

       Yeah.

   26. KKKyle Kingsbury46:25

       It's kind of like, you know, when we're talking about archery or the cold bath or any of these things.

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:30

       It's-

   28. KKKyle Kingsbury46:30

       It dials you in.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:31

       But the ... I think part of it for, uh, some people with running is like that getting into the zone thing that you do, you know? When you start getting a pace going (breathing heavily) and just get into that zone when ... You don't want to think about any other, uh, extraneous shit. And if you're r- doing that and watching every step you take, is there ... is it possible, I'm just throwing this out there, that it would, like, inhibit you from getting into the zone because you'd have to be too conscious about every step you're taking?

   30. KKKyle Kingsbury46:57

       Maybe. I mean, I'm sure everyone's different, right? But for me, when I do that, I don't feel ... I feel like it draws me into the zone, right? Because if I can just run on a fucking treadmill, I'm not worried about where my feet go, that kind of thing.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:09:18

   Yeah, and you're, you're…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:01

   2. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:01

      Yeah, and you're, you're thinking of things-

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:02

      Visuals.

   4. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:02

      ... like mushrooms, LSD, you know, wachuma-

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      Mm-hmm.

   6. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:05

      ... peyote, ayahuasca, DMT. Those kind of things would be more traditional.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:09

      (sighs) You know what, man? I would, I would honestly say that I think in high doses edible marijuana is a psychedelic.

   8. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:17

      Yeah, yeah. There's no doubt. No doubt.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

      I, I really... I mean, I've heard people argue against that. I'm like, (sharp inhale) , man, I don't know. I think in high doses, when you're, um... when you close your eyes and, and lie down, like, sit down on a couch on a high dose, and you're really, really flying.

   10. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:34

       I've had visuals from fucking Gorilla Glue, just smoking.... Gorilla Glue, my wife and I both.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       What do you mean Gorilla Glue?

   12. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:40

       It's a strain, not actual glue.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       Oh.

   14. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:42

       Yeah, I was huffing glue-

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       Like, what? Where-

   16. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:43

       ... with my wife. (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       How's, how's we-

   18. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:44

       We experiment with anything. (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       This fucking podcast took a turn.

   20. NANarrator1:00:48

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:48

       I was like-

   22. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:49

       No.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:49

       ... Kyle Kingsbury's so savage he's out there smoking glue.

   24. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:52

       No, Gorilla Glue is the-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       What about the kids, Kyle?

   26. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:54

       It's, it's, it's the name. Yeah, I'm not gonna be a good father.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:56

       Jesus.

   28. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:56

       Um-

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

       And you experience the visuals?

   30. KKKyle Kingsbury1:00:58

       It's a, it's a strange. Fucking full blown, full blown.

Episode duration: 3:14:52