Joe Rogan Experience #1144 - Doug Stanhope

1. 0:01 – 0:54

   Studio warm-up: smoking indoors and the never-perfect ventilation fix

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:01

      Boom, we're live.

   2. DSDoug Stanhope0:02

      Here we go.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Douglas Stanhope smoking cigarettes.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope0:05

      I was... I, I, I-

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Let's test our fan.

   6. DSDoug Stanhope0:07

      ... swore that, uh, you know what? I'm j- I'm gonna smoke outside this time. Last time I stunk this place up so badly.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      It wasn't bad at all.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope0:15

      Yeah. No, afterwards, y- y- 'cause you kept saying, "No, I get this whole system now. It's not like the old place."

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      Well, it's definitely dissipating. It's definitely dissipating. I see the smoke getting sucked away. I think we're okay.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope0:25

       But I remember at the end last time, like, yeah, that didn't work as good as I thought (laughs) it was gonna. You really wreaked this place up, which I did.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       Well, it's not perfect. You know? You're always getting-

   12. DSDoug Stanhope0:34

       Oh.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       ... cigarettes, you know?

   14. DSDoug Stanhope0:37

       Douglas.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       Where do you get that jacket?

   16. DSDoug Stanhope0:38

       Sugar-free fucking creamer.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:41

       Is that sugar-free? Is it?

   18. DSDoug Stanhope0:43

       Yeah, sugar-free.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       That can't be good for you.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope0:44

       Well, I, uh, now I'm gonna put a splash of whiskey in it just to hopefully kill the aspartame taste.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:51

       (clears throat) Kill the effects? Um-

2. 0:54 – 2:44

   Sweeteners, stevia skepticism, and “just a splash” drink philosophy

   1. DSDoug Stanhope0:54

      Fuck it. Uh, b- by the way, I s- I, I said (laughs) th- I, I occasionally say this on stage even when there's no joke, but when I'm just angry about it, stevia is an artificial sweetener and it's a big scam where you s- uh, there's, "No artificial sweeteners," 'cause you hate getting that fucking aspartame taste.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:13

      Right.

   3. DSDoug Stanhope1:13

      And then they... But then they have stevia in it because it's natural and it still tastes like shit. So you're thinking, "Oh, good. It's no artificial in, uh, uh, sweeteners. That means it's not... Oh, it still tastes like shit, but it's n- it's natural shit."

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:28

      Have you ever had Zevia soda?

   5. DSDoug Stanhope1:31

      No, but I'm assuming-

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:32

      They nailed it.

   7. DSDoug Stanhope1:32

      ... it's stevia.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:32

      Yeah, but they nailed it. They figured it out. They really did. It's good.

   9. DSDoug Stanhope1:36

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:38

       It's not Dr. Pepper.

   11. DSDoug Stanhope1:39

       I'm skeptical.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:40

       You should be.

   13. DSDoug Stanhope1:41

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:41

       You've been burned before. It's not, uh, it's not Coca-Cola, but 'cause it's l- it, it tastes lighter. I like it a lot though. It's good. I don't think we have any here, do we?

   15. GUGuest1:50

       No, we're out.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:51

       We're out. We should get some. But, uh, that's one of the stevia ones that's good. This, uh, it's different... There's different stevia too, like this stuff's stevia right here.

   17. DSDoug Stanhope1:59

       Well, just, I j- I just generally don't drink things that have sugar or need sugar. Like unsweetened iced tea is fantastic. Uh, or if it's just juice, like, uh, w- like with vodka. I, I put, you know, I use vodka soda with just a tiny splash of either grapefruit or... So there's almost no sugar in it anyway. I don't drink fucking Coca-Cola. I'll, I'll put a splash in a whiskey, but tiny. Where if I get fucking hammered on whiskey, I probably drank th- you know, four ounces of Coke.

   18. JRJoe Rogan2:35

       So, it's health benefits. You're, you're looking out for your own-

   19. DSDoug Stanhope2:37

       I, I just avoid, just... (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan2:39

       (laughs) Avoid sugar.

   21. DSDoug Stanhope2:40

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan2:41

       It fucks up your whiskey.

   23. DSDoug Stanhope2:43

       (laughs)

3. 2:44 – 5:08

   Life in Bisbee: small-town politics, privacy, and the burden of hosting

   1. JRJoe Rogan2:44

      How's things in Bisbee? Are you the mayor yet?

   2. DSDoug Stanhope2:47

      No, we w- we're trying to-

   3. JRJoe Rogan2:49

      You could run.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope2:49

      ... we're trying to find someone to run. I would be the worst.

   5. JRJoe Rogan2:52

      Yeah.

   6. DSDoug Stanhope2:52

      It's l- it's like d-

   7. JRJoe Rogan2:53

      That's the point.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope2:53

      It would be like, uh, uh, doing, uh, cruise ship comedy where y- you know, the, the worst thing about w- a cruise ship would be if you sucked and then you have to be in the buffet line with everyone who saw you suck-

   9. JRJoe Rogan3:06

      Ooh.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope3:07

       ... and the whole week-

   11. JRJoe Rogan3:07

       Oh.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope3:07

       ... you're around people who saw you suck. That would be the mayor of Bisbee, where half the town hates you for, because you're not supporting whatever stupid fucking... And you have to see them at Safeway. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan3:20

       Does your town have, uh, a split? Is there like a conservative side of your town and a liberal-

   14. DSDoug Stanhope3:24

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan3:24

       ... side of your town?

   16. DSDoug Stanhope3:25

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan3:25

       Yeah.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope3:25

       That's what makes it work.

   19. JRJoe Rogan3:26

       Oh.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope3:27

       But it's not usually, uh, l- like, uh, you know, your, your usual dynamic of conservative and liberal. It's not, uh, a, "We hate queers" (laughs) and-

   21. JRJoe Rogan3:38

       Right.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope3:38

       ... it's, uh, you know, "Oh, the plastic bag ban." (laughs) "Well, you can't tell us we can't have plastic bags."

   23. JRJoe Rogan3:45

       Ah.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope3:45

       "But they're bad for the environment." Well, I don't care 'cause I'm used to getting a plastic bag and... Yeah, they-

   25. JRJoe Rogan3:51

       That kinda stuff.

   26. DSDoug Stanhope3:51

       ... th- they, they, they split over just minutia and silly shit that, uh, bothers you in a small town and it's hilarious.

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:58

       How many people are in your town?

   28. DSDoug Stanhope3:59

       5,000.

   29. JRJoe Rogan4:00

       Jesus Christ. That's so little.

   30. DSDoug Stanhope4:03

       Yeah.
4. 5:08 – 7:54

   Doomsday real estate dreams: caves, runway houses, and septic horror stories

   1. JRJoe Rogan5:08

      Ugh. Ugh. That's small town living. Is that cave still for sale?

   2. DSDoug Stanhope5:13

      Yes, it is.

   3. JRJoe Rogan5:14

      Yeah.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope5:15

      You still interested?

   5. JRJoe Rogan5:16

      Yeah, if everything goes wrong, that's where I'm going.

   6. DSDoug Stanhope5:17

      God, I found another house. It's even better 'cause it's right-

   7. JRJoe Rogan5:20

      Really?

   8. DSDoug Stanhope5:20

      ... at the end of, uh, uh, the runway of the Bisbee Municipal Airport. So, if you had your own little four-seater Cessna-

   9. JRJoe Rogan5:28

      Ah.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope5:28

       ... fucking Bill Burr in his helicopter, it, like, you, it had four airplane hangar, like, like, parking spaces. So you could fly in, park right in the house, and it was like 2,900 square feet. They were asking like 400 for it. And it had e- indoors, it had its own, like, giant airplane hangar that goes right up to a bar where you could make a stage in there and do full shows.

   11. JRJoe Rogan5:53

       Is this it right here?

   12. DSDoug Stanhope5:55

       That's the one.

   13. JRJoe Rogan5:56

       Ah. So, it's right at the airport?

   14. DSDoug Stanhope6:00

       Yeah, that's it, that-

   15. JRJoe Rogan6:01

       But what if you hear other people in the middle of the night smoking drugs?

   16. DSDoug Stanhope6:03

       Go back, go back to that picture.

   17. JRJoe Rogan6:04

       Dude, that's a fucking nice house.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope6:05

       Yeah, that, that, that is the runway. Oh wait, no, that's the highway. The runway is to the...

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:11

       Go to the next picture, Jamie.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope6:12

       S- th- th-

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:13

       Look at this, this fucking house is nice.... look at this place.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope6:17

       Bingo's dad, they, they flip houses, his parents, so they came down and, uh, they went through it.

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:24

       Whoa.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope6:24

       It's fucking gorgeous.

   25. JRJoe Rogan6:25

       This is only 400 grand?

   26. DSDoug Stanhope6:26

       Uh, you could get it for less.

   27. JRJoe Rogan6:28

       Wow.

   28. DSDoug Stanhope6:30

       It's been on, uh, uh, 499.

   29. JRJoe Rogan6:31

       499.

   30. DSDoug Stanhope6:32

       Yeah.
5. 7:54 – 10:47

   Learning to fly, pilot pay, and remembering the broke-road years

   1. JRJoe Rogan7:54

      Get a fucking airplane, Douglas. Can you fly?

   2. DSDoug Stanhope7:57

      No, but I have-

   3. JRJoe Rogan7:58

      You should learn.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope7:58

      But I know a pilot.

   5. JRJoe Rogan7:59

      Ooh, better. Better than flying.

   6. DSDoug Stanhope8:01

      Like... Oh yeah, he actually has a real gig now. He was... He would come down, he was a fan and he would, uh, fly into Bisbee from Tucson just to get his hours 'cause, you know, when he was-

   7. JRJoe Rogan8:11

      Oh, wow.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope8:12

      ... to, to get his, you know, commercial license. And, uh, he came to a, a... not a Super Bowl party. We, uh, we... The last special I taped, he came down, flew down with a bunch of his friends. We taped it in Bisbee, my last special. And, uh, so the next morning he flew back over to the house and he had put Stan and Hope under each wing.

   9. JRJoe Rogan8:34

      (laughs)

   10. DSDoug Stanhope8:34

       And he buzzed our house. It was very cool.

   11. JRJoe Rogan8:37

       Oh, that's awesome.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope8:38

       But now he's a c- commercial, uh, guy for Sky West, the Delta partner. And he actually picked me up at the airport when I flew, f- flew back from Hawaii, you think-

   13. JRJoe Rogan8:48

       So he was learning how to fly-

   14. DSDoug Stanhope8:50

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan8:50

       ... and now all of a sudden he's a professional?

   16. DSDoug Stanhope8:51

       Yeah, and then that's how you, you know, he had to build up hours. So he'd take these, you know, jobs too and-

   17. JRJoe Rogan8:56

       How many hours do you get before you, you get to fly a jumbo jet across the ocean?

   18. DSDoug Stanhope9:00

       I didn't ask him a lot of questions other than, "Hey, can you fly me to LA? Like if I needed to?"

   19. JRJoe Rogan9:05

       You wanna talk about underappreciated people, the people that know how to pilot the planes.

   20. GUGuest9:11

       1500 hours.

   21. JRJoe Rogan9:13

       1500 hours? That's it?

   22. GUGuest9:14

       No, like, uh, you know, for the official transport-

   23. DSDoug Stanhope9:16

       And they make dick for money.

   24. JRJoe Rogan9:18

       I know.

   25. DSDoug Stanhope9:18

       You ever read those stories-

   26. JRJoe Rogan9:19

       It's crazy.

   27. DSDoug Stanhope9:19

       ... where, like in New York, they, where they have these, like, single rooms with like eight bunk beds?

   28. JRJoe Rogan9:26

       So pilots living in there?

   29. DSDoug Stanhope9:28

       Yeah, when they have to lay over 'cause they can't afford-

   30. JRJoe Rogan9:33

       Really? What is this, Jamie?
6. 10:47 – 14:10

   Road-comic worldview: seeing America firsthand vs. cable-news reality

   1. JRJoe Rogan10:47

      Could you have ever imagined when you were 21 or however old you were when you first started doing the road, that one day you would look back on those horrible nights with like nostalgia?

   2. DSDoug Stanhope10:58

      I, I knew it then. I knew it was-

   3. JRJoe Rogan11:00

      Did you?

   4. DSDoug Stanhope11:00

      ... nostalgic then. Like I'm-

   5. JRJoe Rogan11:01

      I didn't. I was ashamed. I didn't, I didn't, uh, I didn't think it was... I just was like, "I'm a loser." You know, I wasn't enjoying it at all.

   6. DSDoug Stanhope11:11

      I think there's probably a big difference between doing it on the East Coast and Boston and that congestion rather than the great wide open of Montana and-

   7. JRJoe Rogan11:21

      Yeah.

   8. DSDoug Stanhope11:22

      ... Idaho and...

   9. JRJoe Rogan11:24

      That's, uh... Pro- the shows are probably bleaker though. Like we had shows, like you would do a lot of road gigs, but they were good gigs. Like they weren't... Like the, the boom of the late '80s, I started in '88 and I started doing, uh, gigs on the road, like hell gigs on the road in probably like '89. And, um, there was a lot of gigs back then that were really good. You would go somewhere and there'd be 300 people, there'd be a great crowd, you know, 150 people in a bar. Everybody's there, they love comedy night. Like some of them were really good. But it's just the, the never knowing if you're gonna make enough money to pay the bills and the stress of being poor.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope12:05

       Yeah, I didn't have a lot of bills living out of my car.

   11. JRJoe Rogan12:08

       Well that's a way to do it.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope12:09

       There was a lot of downtime and a lot of, uh, you know, questionable choices in ladies just 'cause you needed a place to stay for four days-

   13. JRJoe Rogan12:17

       Oh, no.

   14. DSDoug Stanhope12:17

       ... before El Paso. (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan12:20

       ... dangerous gigolo days.

   16. DSDoug Stanhope12:22

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan12:22

       The gigolo days of Doug Stanhope. Yeah. You tr- the travel on the road thing is so, such a ... You get a view of the country that, if you really stop and think about it, like how many different places you've been and your, your understanding of America. Like, you've been everywhere. You've been all the d- all the different spots. Get a chan- "Okay, this is how they rock it over here. All right, this is how they do it in Detroit. This is how they are in New Orleans is different. Oh, Connecticut's a little different." And then you put it all together and you get America. But if you're just like a dude who just like parks it in Columbus, Ohio and fucking (snaps fingers) that's that.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope12:58

       And all you know is-

   19. JRJoe Rogan12:59

       Yeah.

   20. DSDoug Stanhope12:59

       ... CNN and TMZ.

   21. JRJoe Rogan13:01

       Yup. Fuck.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope13:02

       You go, "This is what the c- this is what the country is coming to."

   23. JRJoe Rogan13:04

       "These fucking libs, these fucking libs with their, their fucking new rules." (laughs) Yeah, it's, uh-

   24. DSDoug Stanhope13:10

       And no, when you, when you're out amongst people, no one really gives a fuck.

   25. JRJoe Rogan13:14

       No one gives a fuck.

   26. DSDoug Stanhope13:15

       You know? It's, it's bar chatter at best, but it's, uh ... You never run into people that are actually affected. You know, you don't-

   27. JRJoe Rogan13:23

       Unless you're looking for it.

   28. DSDoug Stanhope13:24

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan13:25

       You know? Most of the time it's a non-issue, but it's the most im- most pressing issue because it, it can shift the country one way or another. That's what's weird about it. You know, the whole-

   30. DSDoug Stanhope13:35

       But no one gives a fuck about uh, th- uh, things that actually affect them locally.
7. 14:10 – 27:45

   Attention economy politics: Trump as “elected troll” and the Ted Nugent trolling era

   1. JRJoe Rogan14:10

      Well, one of the things that I've realized by talking to people that really understand how things work, like economics, like, uh ... I talked to Peter Schiff yesterday, the economist. He, one of the things you-

   2. DSDoug Stanhope14:20

      Yeah, I had him on my podcast.

   3. JRJoe Rogan14:21

      Really interesting guy.

   4. DSDoug Stanhope14:22

      No, no, I've never had him on. (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan14:24

      You never had one?

   6. DSDoug Stanhope14:24

      No, I did not. (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan14:25

      He's a fun guy. He, like, you would, you could talk to him. He-

   8. DSDoug Stanhope14:27

      He's never drunk in Bisbee, I tell it.

   9. JRJoe Rogan14:29

      He would get drunk, yeah. No, he, he, he's a really smart guy. I mean, he's a, a very successful guy but he's right there. He's right there. Like, when you talk to him, like, I ... The first time we did a show, w- we got drunk. We decided to have a couple of drinks and lighten up 'cause he was doing this Fox News, CNN thing they do where they have these five-minute panels. "We just have to rattle off statistics. You've got to tell the people, 'The problem isn't economics. The problem isn't ... '" Like, he's a wizard at that shit and we had to calm him down. I'm like, "Dude, we're here for a long time and so-"

   10. DSDoug Stanhope14:54

       (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan14:54

       ... "let's get a drink. Let's get a drink." Had a little Jack Daniels-

   12. DSDoug Stanhope14:56

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan14:56

       ... then he loosened up. He set up a video, uh, that said, um, uh, "I'm the 1%. Ask me," uh, "Ask me anything." Is that what he said? Something like that?

   14. DSDoug Stanhope15:06

       (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:06

       Something like ... So he went to Occupy Wall Street and set up a, a thing. It was just talking to people about uh, economics. Like, "No, no, no. This is how you think it works. This is how it really works." But this is what I realized talking to people like that, there's no fucking way you could be on the ball with all this stuff. With Congress and the Senate and all of the stuff that goes on behind the scenes, and the lobbyists. You would have to be fully immersed in it. You would have to be fully immersed in it, and then fully immersed in the stock market to have any kind of an argument one way or another. And most people are just having these half-assed, half-cocked, shitty thought-out arguments about almost everything they talk about, including me.

   16. DSDoug Stanhope15:46

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       I mean, including ... (laughs) Especially on this podcast many, many times. But this is something that we, uh, l- it's standard. There's too much shit to know. There's too much fucking ... When it comes to like politics, like you pretend you understand politics. Like, how long have they been trying to unravel this Russia thing? Like, a year?

   18. DSDoug Stanhope16:04

       I've tuned out completely. I know I don't know and I don't care enough to try to learn. I, I, I got to a place ... I went through a period of, you know, like back in our conspiracy theory days.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:17

       (laughs)

   20. DSDoug Stanhope16:17

       And then, I, I, I learned a little bit but, uh, anything that's ... I really don't know how government works.

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       It's, ugh, it's so hard to know. It's so hard to know. It's-

   22. DSDoug Stanhope16:28

       But I mean, just, uh, elementary school fucking, you know, the, the, you know, "I'm just a bill on Capital Hill."

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:35

       Right.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope16:35

       I still don't even know what that fucking meant.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:37

       (laughs)

   26. DSDoug Stanhope16:37

       So I wanna, I gotta stop talking about shit I don't know.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:39

       And you're probably paying attention to it more than most people. Most people-

   28. DSDoug Stanhope16:42

       I was for a minute.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:43

       Yeah. Well, most people, the, the president or anybody just represents what they like. Like, "I like a nice guy. Oh, I like a no-bullshit guy." Okay, and then you just find whoever best fits that mold-

   30. DSDoug Stanhope16:57

       It's, it's a-
8. 27:45 – 34:55

   Guest backlash, Jordan Peterson “Nazi” labeling, and compelled-speech fears

   1. DSDoug Stanhope27:45

      Who did you have on recently that was s- someone who's like, "Yeah, I don't, I don't like him anymore because he, now, he has so-and-so on his podcast." Like, you had someone that just some random person was going, "Uh ..."

   2. JRJoe Rogan27:58

      For everybody there's a person like that. For some people it's a hardcore lefty.

   3. DSDoug Stanhope28:02

      It was someone I know they didn't even listen to the fucking show, but it, like-

   4. JRJoe Rogan28:06

      Jordan Peterson, was it him?

   5. DSDoug Stanhope28:08

      Is he a, like a fucking Nazi guy or something?

   6. JRJoe Rogan28:11

      (laughs)

   7. NANarrator28:11

      (laughs)

   8. DSDoug Stanhope28:11

      Or like an alt-righter?

   9. JRJoe Rogan28:12

      He ... No. They, th- sometimes people think he is, but he, it, it probably wasn't him. It was probably someone more controversial like Ben Shapiro or Steven Crowder or one of those guys. But none of them are Nazis, you know? And Jordan Peterson is much more of a centrist than anything. He's not right. He's, he's like more of a, he ... They call it ... You know what a classic liberal, a classic liberal is? You know, the idea of the, treating people as the individual instead of collective, in- te- instead of a group, instead of a b- uh, identifying with a group of w- whatever, no matter what it is. You treat people as individuals. And he's a big proponent of personal responsibility and treating people as individuals. And because of that, and because of some of the things he said about, um, they're trying to enforce, uh, pronouns for transgender people, like s- ones that they made up, like a bunch of them. Uh, he, there was a bill that was a human rights violation thing, you know, 'cause they have that Human Rights Council in Canada, and it was, uh, the w- he was arguing, is this is a slippery slope. You can't, you can't compel people to use made up words. You can't just decide that you're gonna make up a bunch of gender pronouns and then get people to say it.

   10. DSDoug Stanhope29:21

       Yeah, uh, uh, and who makes them up?

   11. JRJoe Rogan29:23

       And so people were saying they, there's like 78 of them apparently that Facebook accepts.

   12. DSDoug Stanhope29:27

       Like, but he-

   13. JRJoe Rogan29:27

       Like, there's z-h-i-r, z-i-r-e, there's like, they just make them up, like anybody can make them up. What do you want? This?

   14. DSDoug Stanhope29:33

       That, oh yeah, thanks.

   15. JRJoe Rogan29:35

       Um, yeah, you, and so because it's controversial, because people said, "Oh, you're picking on trans people." And he's like, "No I'm not. No, I, I, I fully support your right to be a trans person, I just don't want to use these bloody made up words." Is what he was saying. And he felt like this is a slippery slope to controlling people's behavior, and it starts like this and they shame you into thinking their way and there's a group think f- part of it involved. So because of that, he got so lumped into, um, this alt-right idea that, "Oh, he's the guy who hates transgender people." It's just like we were talking about like people running for president. You don't really get to see who the real person is. You get to see this surface, "Oh, he's the no-nonsense guy, I'll take him." And that's what they do with him. I go, "He's the guy who hates transgender folks."

   16. DSDoug Stanhope30:20

       It, it-

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:20

       He doesn't at all.

   18. DSDoug Stanhope30:21

       ... if, if you really wanted to, like-... you would never know a- a- a candidate's true intentions if they were a- a good candidate. If they were a crafty politician, they would, I would go out and say, "Whatever the fuck..." If, you know, if it worked for Trump, "I'll do it better."

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       (laughs)

   20. DSDoug Stanhope30:38

       And I'll say shit like that and then-

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:39

       Right.

   22. DSDoug Stanhope30:39

       ... I'll just be lying.

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:41

       Right.

   24. DSDoug Stanhope30:41

       Like, uh, "I'm gonna deport everyone."

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:44

       (laughs)

   26. DSDoug Stanhope30:44

       Fucking, it's, Holocaust three, whatever they wanna hear. And then you go and you go, "I was just kidding." And then you do the right thing.

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       Yeah.

   28. DSDoug Stanhope30:51

       I was kinda hoping Trump would d- I think you could manipulate his ego to a point where he, you, you could get him to do your bidding just by saying, "Oh, you're getting good numbers by doing this and they, the left hates this. So yeah, you should legalize marijuana." And he would, he wouldn't need logic, he'd just need to have his ego fed and he'd do all the right things.

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:13

       I think that's one he's holding in his back pocket, the legalize marijuana. I think as we get closer to- to the election, I think he makes marijuana federally legal. (coughs) And I think if he does that, the stoners just fucking raise their arms in the air and they go, "Fuck it, I'm going with Trump. Do you just know how much that'll change the world? Just that."

   30. DSDoug Stanhope31:33

       (coughs) And they still won't vote. (laughs)
9. 34:55 – 37:45

   Border-town realities: water in the desert, humanitarian aid, and Border Patrol abuse

   1. DSDoug Stanhope34:55

      Yeah, no, people leave water out.

   2. JRJoe Rogan34:57

      Yeah.

   3. DSDoug Stanhope34:57

      You know, where they- they come across.

   4. JRJoe Rogan35:00

      Wow.

   5. DSDoug Stanhope35:01

      And like every other house in our neighborhood has a "Humanitarian aid is never a crime," 'cause you're not supposed to fucking leave water out in the desert in case someone's dying.

   6. JRJoe Rogan35:12

      (exhales) You're not supposed to? They tell you not to?

   7. DSDoug Stanhope35:14

      I- I don't know exactly what the law is, but the- the- there's placards just like every election is, "Vote for Mayor Joe and vote for Bill for City Council." This, "Humanitarian aid is never a crime." And I don't know what the law was or what-

   8. JRJoe Rogan35:29

      Mm.

   9. DSDoug Stanhope35:29

      ... exactly, but-

   10. JRJoe Rogan35:31

       That's some dark shit when you're telling people don't give them water.

   11. DSDoug Stanhope35:34

       D- have you seen that video of the- the, uh, Border Patrol people fucking just going out and dumping out water that people have left in the desert? Uh, and- and laughing about it like, "Fuck you." (laughs) Yeah, they're just... (sighs) Did you see the Border Patrol agent that ran over the guy? That was a video that just came out last week.

   12. JRJoe Rogan35:56

       No, I didn't see that at all.

   13. DSDoug Stanhope35:57

       Yeah, it was on a- on a, one of the reservations, one of the Indian reservations on one of the Border Patrol roads. A guy was filming and the car's coming right, he's coming right at me n- and then it fucking hit, it hits him and then turns around and he got it all on tape, the guy that he actually hit-

   14. JRJoe Rogan36:13

       Whoa.

   15. DSDoug Stanhope36:13

       ... and then drove off.

   16. JRJoe Rogan36:15

       Jesus Christ.

   17. DSDoug Stanhope36:16

       They're some fucking assholes. Like a lot of people, assholes gravitate just like child molesters gravitate towards, you know, preschool teacher and priest.... fucking assholes gravitate towards cop and, and border p- anywhere they can, you know- (clears throat)

   18. JRJoe Rogan36:33

       Oh, look at this. Boom. Is that him standing up?

   19. DSDoug Stanhope36:39

       And now laying down after the border patrol fucking runs over him.

   20. JRJoe Rogan36:42

       That is crazy. That is crazy.

   21. DSDoug Stanhope36:52

       I can't, like, I have a hard time, I'll get into going down wormholes of, you know, bad cops and fucking-

   22. JRJoe Rogan36:59

       Dude, getting hit by-

   23. DSDoug Stanhope37:00

       ... bad border patrol and-

   24. JRJoe Rogan37:01

       ... and you get hit like that, I mean, that, you, you are, you're making a decision to shatter a person's body probably forever. You're hitting someone that hard with a, with a truck? That guy's got probably everything's probably broken. His legs are broken-

   25. DSDoug Stanhope37:13

       Yeah, and it's on a dirt road, where it's-

   26. JRJoe Rogan37:15

       Yeah.

   27. DSDoug Stanhope37:15

       ... like he did it on purpose.

   28. JRJoe Rogan37:17

       Yeah.

   29. DSDoug Stanhope37:17

       There's no other excuse.

   30. JRJoe Rogan37:19

       Yeah. No, he did it on purpose.
10. 37:45 – 48:49

    Policing under pressure: why the job breaks people and how “bad apples” spread

    1. JRJoe Rogan37:45

       (sighs) I, you know, I've said this a, a 100 times, but it's worth repeating. I don't think most people are qualified to be cops. I think it's a really fucking hard job, and I think the pressure of it fucks people up. Even if they did go into that job w- if they gravitate towards it 'cause they were bullies, which I'm sure a certain percentage do, cer- for, I think for most of them, it's just a good job and they think they can pull it off. I met a lot of cops that are good guys. But I think the pressure of that job, and being shot at all the time, and worrying every time you pull somebody over, you're gonna get shot, and everybody's seen those videos of people pulling people over and they pull out a gun and kill the cop. There's one that's haunting, man. The guy pulls over this Vietnam vet, and he starts, he starts screaming for the guy to get back in the car and the guy pulls out a rifle, and the guy just starts shooting at him. And he gets hit, and he's screaming, just almost, "Help! Do, stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" And the guy just keeps shooting the cop while all this is happening. And the guy's, like, screaming for his life while this guy's just gunning him down. You're like, man, tell me these cops haven't seen this? They're all fucked up. And it's, it becomes almost like a game, and the game is, I'm trying to score on you. It's like you're doing, uh, you're playing one-on-one basketball or you're doing jujitsu or something, you're trying to score on somebody. And the score on them is I think you're up to something no good. "Let me see. Spread your legs. Let me check your body. What's going on in the car? What do you got? What's this? What's that?" You're trying, and if you get it, "Ah! We got it. Score." And if you don't get it, "Fuck. Swing and a miss." And so you go looking for things to be wrong, and that person becomes the enemy. Just like you push people on a fucking football field that are on the other team, that's what you're doing to the people that you're supposed to be protecting and serving. They become the enemy. They become the thing that you're trying to score on. And it's just stupid monkey games start playing around in people's heads, and I think almost nobody's qualified for that. I know of very few g- like Big John McCarthy, the UFC referee, he was a cop, fucking greatest guy you ever wanna meet, the nicest guy ever. But he's also a big giant dude who's not intimidated by people, and he has a good way of calming people down and relaxing people, but he's very sensible, like very normal, and he was a cop his whole life. He was a cop for many, many years. It's just a fucking impossible job, man. Every day you're dealing with crime. Every day you're dealing with murder. You're dealing with people beating their wives. You're dealing with kids that get hit by cars. You're dealing with just the, the m- (clears throat)

    2. DSDoug Stanhope40:06

       ... most horrible shit.

    3. JRJoe Rogan40:07

       And we can boil this down to too many people, 'cause I live in a town where I know the cops. Uh, the same cop came to two Super Bowl parties, uh, y- uh, you know, in consecutive years the night before when we had a big pre-party on the Saturday night, and came for noise complaints two years in a row. The first time he walked in, Christine Lavine was backstage doing her act, and you can hear everything in my neighborhood just speaking. And when she's on a microphone doing a bit about, "My p- after three kids (laughs) my pussy looks like it, it swallowed a dog that chewed its way out." (laughs)

    4. DSDoug Stanhope40:44

       And I know every fucking neighbor (laughs) and, and-

    5. JRJoe Rogan40:48

       (laughs)

    6. DSDoug Stanhope40:48

       ... there's at least-

    7. JRJoe Rogan40:50

       Yeah.

    8. DSDoug Stanhope40:50

       ... 30 houses that can hear this over their TV. (laughs)

    9. JRJoe Rogan40:53

       That's hilarious.

    10. DSDoug Stanhope40:54

        And the cops ke- but that cop came twice, and I was, like, then I'd see him at Safeway and w- we'd, friendly, and when Bingo and I had our b- brief, uh, breakup, that cop came to my house, so I'm sitting in The Funhouse and I see a cop walking in, I'm like, "Oh, that's fucking Yanis. Officer Bob Friendly."

    11. JRJoe Rogan41:13

        (laughs)

    12. DSDoug Stanhope41:13

        And he came and he goes, "Hey, uh, I know it's none of my business, but I, I, I heard you're going through a, a, a tough time and I just wanted to see if you're okay." I'm like, "That is fucking cool." And now he, he comes over all the time, and ...

    13. JRJoe Rogan41:25

        Wow.

    14. DSDoug Stanhope41:26

        Yeah.

    15. JRJoe Rogan41:27

        That is, yeah, that's the benefit of the 5,000 person town.

    16. DSDoug Stanhope41:30

        Yeah, when you know everybody.

    17. JRJoe Rogan41:32

        Yeah. Yeah, there's definitely so much of that, man.

    18. DSDoug Stanhope41:33

        That's not a homeless guy, that's Brokey. We have ... (laughs)

    19. JRJoe Rogan41:36

        But-

    20. DSDoug Stanhope41:36

        Like, everyone knows our homeless Will Work for Food guy by name.

    21. JRJoe Rogan41:39

        Do you think that you appreciate that more because you travel so much? Because you get to go back to that, and this is home, and home is this quiet, cool place filled with artists and farmers and just weirdos and shit. But you're always, like, now you're in Dublin, now you're in London, now you're in San Francisco, now you're in ... You know, you're always moving around so much that you get a, a beautiful taste of everything, and then this is like the quiet home.

    22. DSDoug Stanhope42:05

        Well, I also, I, I rarely go out. I go to Safeway every day if I don't, even if I don't need anything. It's my thing, I wake up and I go to Safeway and I find what, what's, (laughs) what's good discount meat. I love a bargain and the discount meats.

    23. JRJoe Rogan42:20

        (laughs)

    24. DSDoug Stanhope42:21

        And other than that, I don't go out. I don't go to bars, I have a bar in my house.

    25. JRJoe Rogan42:25

        Right.

    26. DSDoug Stanhope42:25

        The people I know, they come over to my house, and we hang out there.

    27. JRJoe Rogan42:28

        Yeah.

    28. DSDoug Stanhope42:29

        Uh-

    29. JRJoe Rogan42:29

        No, you've got an interesting setup, man. Whenever I listen to your podcast I'm like, "This is such a fascinating setup."

    30. DSDoug Stanhope42:35

        But there, I mean-
11. 48:49 – 59:35

    Australia deep dive: brutal colonial history, Indigenous oppression, and deadly nature

    1. DSDoug Stanhope48:49

       ... you play Australia?

    2. JRJoe Rogan48:50

       Yeah. Yeah, I've been. I haven't been in a while though. Last time I did, uh, Melbourne. Had a – had a great time. Uh, how, how do they make you say it? Mel-ben? Mel-ven? Um, s- ... I like Sydney. Done Sydney there too.

    3. DSDoug Stanhope49:02

       Perth.

    4. JRJoe Rogan49:02

       They're nice people. Perth is-

    5. DSDoug Stanhope49:03

       Perth is fantastic.

    6. JRJoe Rogan49:04

       Yeah?

    7. DSDoug Stanhope49:05

       Uh, yeah, that's, that's my favorite. And I did, uh, Hobart, Tasmania, which is weird.

    8. JRJoe Rogan49:11

       Wow. Tasmania.

    9. DSDoug Stanhope49:13

       I read the, i- i- just, uh, d- did a couple weeks there f- in April. And, uh, I read it's, uh, it's, it's called the, uh, The Fatal Shore and it's like this 700-page history of Australia and it's fucking brutal.

    10. JRJoe Rogan49:30

        Oh, it's crazy.

    11. DSDoug Stanhope49:31

        It's absolutely brutal with, you know, from the time they started shipping, you know, the, the-

    12. JRJoe Rogan49:37

        Prisoners over there.

    13. DSDoug Stanhope49:37

        ... prisoners there-

    14. JRJoe Rogan49:38

        Yeah.

    15. DSDoug Stanhope49:39

        ... for n- nothing and they're, they're in shackles and dying of pestilence. They're in, you know, in hulls. They sit in boats for m- months waiting to be sh- shipped to a camp. I- i- it's just brutal after brutal and then a flogging until the skin fell off his back and then, uh ... And then you, you do an interview where they're going, "Oh, people need comedy in these times 'cause they're worse than ever." I go, "Have you read your fucking history?"

    16. JRJoe Rogan50:07

        (laughs)

    17. DSDoug Stanhope50:07

        Trump is not the fucking worst thing ever-

    18. JRJoe Rogan50:10

        (coughs)

    19. DSDoug Stanhope50:10

        ... when you look at your own fucking history.

    20. JRJoe Rogan50:13

        They did some dark shit to the Aborigines too.

    21. DSDoug Stanhope50:15

        Oh, yeah.

    22. JRJoe Rogan50:17

        One of the things they did, they took, uh, Aborigine kids away from their parents and they tried to raise them with, uh, white families. They did it in, like, the 1950s, I think. They were telling me about it when I was there and I was ... It was one of them jaw-dropper conversations where people were talking and you're like, "What?" Like, they stole people's babies and raised them as white kids. Like, because they didn't think the Aborigines knew what they were doing. So they just said, "You don't know how to raise that kid. Give me that kid."

    23. DSDoug Stanhope50:42

        It's kinda like the foster system.

    24. JRJoe Rogan50:45

        Well, no, 'cause they took them. It's not like the foster system, the idea would be that someone would either have to go to jail or someone would be murdered or someone-

    25. DSDoug Stanhope50:54

        But I mean, you don't have a parent.

    26. JRJoe Rogan50:54

        ... you know, where they go, "You're an unfit parent." And, but yeah-

    27. DSDoug Stanhope50:57

        That's sometimes, right? I guess that does happen, right? If someone's a, a drug addict or a criminal, they'll, they'll take your kid away and put it in foster care. But this is just taking your kid away because you're an Aborigine.

    28. JRJoe Rogan51:08

        Which if, if their society thinks that's a bad way ... What's wrong with a drug addict? I know drug addicts that can do a lot-

    29. DSDoug Stanhope51:15

        Yeah.

    30. JRJoe Rogan51:15

        ... of stuff functionally.
12. 59:35 – 1:07:54

    Roseanne, Ambien, and why comedians’ dark green-room talk collapses on Twitter

    1. JRJoe Rogan59:35

       You think she's gonna be out selling fucking nuts somewhere? Oh, she never... Yeah, she never... She... I think I told you, she called me again and goes, "I'm, I'm ready to do Rogan." We've been going back and forth.

    2. DSDoug Stanhope59:48

       All right.

    3. JRJoe Rogan59:49

       Yeah. No.

    4. DSDoug Stanhope59:49

       Well now she says she's gonna do her own podcast.

    5. JRJoe Rogan59:52

       Yeah. She's... We're gonna do it. It's just gonna take time. You know, I to... This is what I told her. Uh, she said, like, she, uh, contacted me the other day, she goes, "I'm ready to do it whenever you are." I said, "You just tell me when and we'll do it." And then we were trying to figure out-

    6. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:04

       Well, I'm in Salt Lake City-

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

       Yeah.

    8. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:05

       ... at my mother's house.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:07

       Yeah, there was a little bit of that. And then, you know, she's just trying to figure out when's the right time. But she said she wants to do her own YouTube channel and she's, she's upset at everybody. And, and I felt like, you know, she's... There's a lot of merit in what she's saying, you know. I really do think she got fucked over. I think, uh, I really do think she made a joke about a woman that she didn't know was Black. And a woman who's, I think she's only one-eighth Black, right? Is that what she is?

    10. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:34

        Oh, yeah, I saw the picture and I went-

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

        Yeah.

    12. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:36

        ... "Oh, I get it now."

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

        Yeah. She does not-

    14. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:38

        Because I talked to her-

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:38

        Yeah.

    16. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:38

        ... on the phone afterwards where she goes... Uh, she was asking me for advice and she said, "I, I really fucked up and I, I honestly didn't think she was Black." And then she goes, "Did you ever do Ambien?" I go, "That's exactly why I stopped doing Ambien." And I'm sure that's why she tweeted that where I'm like-

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

        Yeah.

    18. DSDoug Stanhope1:00:59

        ... "Just talk about this on Rogan because Rogan spends time, you can explain stu- Stop fucking tweeting."

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:01:06

        Yeah.

    20. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:06

        And that-... Tweet where she goes, "Well, I did take an Ambien." Well, yeah, you drink on Ambien and you're fucked. And I can tell you a million stories of normal people, like fucking, you know, Judy Brown-

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:18

        Mm-hmm.

    22. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:18

        ... her husband, Steve Marmell, almost had a plane grounded because he, on a flight, he took an Ambien and had a couple of bourbons, and then just started going fucking batshit, has no recollection of it.

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:31

        Ugh.

    24. DSDoug Stanhope1:01:32

        And I've done stuff that was, uh, like, minor, where I just had a very lucid business conversation with Hennigan after I'd taken an Ambien on my, like a light night of drinking for me, which six or seven beers, and I went to bed, and then I get, got up 15 minutes later and went out and had this very lucid business conversation that I don't remember at all. And I brought it up to him the next day, something we were gonna talk about. He goes, "We talked about this last night." I go, "No, we didn't."

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:02:01

        Yeah.

    26. DSDoug Stanhope1:02:01

        He's like, "Yes, you came out." I go, "No, I went to bed."

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:02:03

        (laughs)

    28. DSDoug Stanhope1:02:03

        He goes, "Yes, but you came out shortly after. You seemed very, (laughs) like, completely normal."

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:02:10

        Wow. Kevin James, uh, uh, he made dinner. He, uh, went downstairs, made his own dinner, cooked it, ate it, went back to bed, got up in the morning, and was like, "Who the fuck cooked?"

    30. DSDoug Stanhope1:02:25

        Yeah.
13. 1:07:54 – 1:18:48

    Conspiracy fatigue: Russia overload, “fake Melania,” and Stormy Daniels’ absurd arrest

    1. DSDoug Stanhope1:07:54

       What's your, uh, what's your latest favorite conspiracy theory? 'Cause I- I've dropped off the map.

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:08:00

       The favorite one that I believe in?

    3. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:02

       Yeah. Or, uh, uh, uh, man, I don't have a good one that I believe in. Are there new ones that, uh, people are-

    4. JRJoe Rogan1:08:09

       Always. There's always new ones. Everything, everything's a goddamn conspiracy. This is like constantly everything that everybody does. What's a good one, Jamie? What's a good recent conspiracy theory?

    5. GUGuest1:08:20

       Man, with the, the Russia stuff.

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:08:23

       The Russia stuff, but I can't... But I can't make fucking heads or tails of this Russia shit. I, every time I read, uh, the Mueller documents, I'm, uh, reading what's been reported and who's getting indicted and I'm like, "This is too much."

    7. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:34

       I, yeah, I, I, I-

    8. JRJoe Rogan1:08:35

       I don't... This is too much.

    9. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:36

       ... I tuned out early.

    10. GUGuest1:08:37

        He just asked for, uh, a hundred blank indictments yesterday.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:08:41

        Mueller did?

    12. GUGuest1:08:42

        Yeah.

    13. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:43

        Oh my God.

    14. JRJoe Rogan1:08:44

        (laughs)

    15. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:44

        Oh my God. A hundred?

    16. GUGuest1:08:46

        Yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:08:47

        What if they arrest Trump? Are they allowed to arrest him?

    18. DSDoug Stanhope1:08:49

        Yeah.

    19. GUGuest1:08:49

        That's part of what the whole thing with the judge is going on right now, the-

    20. JRJoe Rogan1:08:52

        Dude.

    21. GUGuest1:08:53

        ... the Supreme Court judge.

    22. JRJoe Rogan1:08:54

        Well, somebody was ex- explaining the relationship that the judge has, the judge who stepped down has to Trump.

    23. GUGuest1:09:00

        His, his son is Trump's banker from Deutsche Bank.

    24. JRJoe Rogan1:09:05

        Jesus.

    25. DSDoug Stanhope1:09:06

        I, yeah. I, uh, it's the... (laughs)

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:09:08

        (laughs)

    27. DSDoug Stanhope1:09:09

        Uh, oh, woo. (laughs)

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:09:14

        It's too much to pay attention to it.

    29. DSDoug Stanhope1:09:15

        I tune out. Yeah.

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:09:15

        Yeah.

Episode duration: 2:44:22