Joe Rogan Experience #1146 - Jeff Garlin

1. 0:03 – 1:45

   Catching up: TV seasons, standup schedule, and why Jeff avoids short spots

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Three, two, one. Hello, Jeffrey.

   2. JGJeff Garlin0:06

      Hello, Joe.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      How you doing, man?

   4. JGJeff Garlin0:09

      I'm, uh, young and handsome.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:10

      You are young and handsome.

   6. JGJeff Garlin0:12

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      Yes. We all are, uh, if we're not dead.

   8. JGJeff Garlin0:14

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      I don't know what that means.

   10. JGJeff Garlin0:17

       It's all good.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:17

       I'm all jet-lagged.

   12. JGJeff Garlin0:19

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       What's cracking? How are you?

   14. JGJeff Garlin0:21

       I'm, uh, a big bowl of wonderful.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       You're a big bowl?

   16. JGJeff Garlin0:25

       A big bowl. A fucking huge bowl of wonderful.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       You're aggressive with that statement.

   18. JGJeff Garlin0:30

       I am.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       I believe you.

   20. JGJeff Garlin0:31

       I am. Yeah, don't doubt me with wonderful-ness.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       I don't. I don't doubt you.

   22. JGJeff Garlin0:35

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       It's good to see you, man.

   24. JGJeff Garlin0:37

       Good to see you, too.

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       (laughs) What's the latest?

   26. JGJeff Garlin0:39

       What is the latest? Uh, about to start another season of The Goldbergs, another season of Curb after that.

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       Do you enjoy wa- working with the, the f- fabulous Bryan Callen?

   28. JGJeff Garlin0:49

       I love working with Bryan Callen. He makes me laugh all the time.

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       He's here later.

   30. JGJeff Garlin0:53

       Oh, he is?
2. 1:45 – 3:05

   “No preparation whatsoever”: Jeff’s fully improvised standup approach

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:45

      Does it, um... Do you... When you do like an hour set, do you plan your sets out or do you have like some material that you like to be working on, and is that why you like the freedom of having an hour so you can just kind of fuck around-

   2. JGJeff Garlin1:57

      I have no preparation whatsoever.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:59

      ... and be loose? (laughs)

   4. JGJeff Garlin1:59

      Except I may think, "Oh, I'll talk about that tonight." But I have no preparation. I may bring up a story I've told before, but I have no idea. Literally when I step on stage, I have no idea what I'm gonna talk about. What does help me, what I've done for quite a while now is, I come up to a different song every time I come up. And then I just talk about that song, uh, the story of the making of that song, who sang that song, what that song means to me, and that will usually lead me to something. That's all I need.

   5. JRJoe Rogan2:29

      Yeah. The reason why I ask is you have a very unusual style.

   6. JGJeff Garlin2:32

      Yes.

   7. JRJoe Rogan2:32

      Like I've, I've seen you a bunch of times at the store.

   8. JGJeff Garlin2:34

      Yes, I'm very unusual. (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:35

      You're very loose, you know?

   10. JGJeff Garlin2:36

       Yeah, very loose.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:36

       But it's, it's a great thing-

   12. JGJeff Garlin2:37

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan2:37

       ... 'cause you have the confidence to do that.

   14. JGJeff Garlin2:39

       Yes.

   15. JRJoe Rogan2:39

       Like, a lot of people have to be like super rigid in their preparation and-

   16. JGJeff Garlin2:42

       Without a doubt, yes.

   17. JRJoe Rogan2:43

       ... say things, set up punchline in the correct order every night.

   18. JGJeff Garlin2:47

       I'm only confident in the fact that I'm funny.

   19. JRJoe Rogan2:50

       (laughs)

   20. JGJeff Garlin2:50

       I am not confident in any other fact in terms of going on stage.

   21. JRJoe Rogan2:54

       That's the most-

   22. JGJeff Garlin2:54

       So I don't... But it is the most important, and so I go up with the knowledge that no matter what goes down, I am funny and will be funny. Boom. Good night.

   23. JRJoe Rogan3:03

       Boom. That's it.

   24. JGJeff Garlin3:04

       Yeah. Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan3:04

       Good night.

   26. JGJeff Garlin3:05

       Yeah.

3. 3:05 – 5:56

   Road vs. home: the grind of travel, morning radio, and sleep discipline

   1. JRJoe Rogan3:05

      And are you doing the road at all?

   2. JGJeff Garlin3:07

      N- Hardly ever. When I do the road it's... I did London in December, did a couple weeks of shows. Uh-

   3. JRJoe Rogan3:13

      A couple weeks?

   4. JGJeff Garlin3:14

      Yeah, a couple weeks at a theater there.

   5. JRJoe Rogan3:16

      What theater did you go to?

   6. JGJeff Garlin3:17

      Soho Theater. It's a small, cool theater.

   7. JRJoe Rogan3:19

      Is this like 500 seats or something?

   8. JGJeff Garlin3:21

      I don't even know. I don't even pay attention. How's that?

   9. JRJoe Rogan3:23

      I feel like I've done that. I've done, uh, Leicester Square. I've done a couple different places there.

   10. JGJeff Garlin3:28

       Yeah, Leicester Square is good. Yeah, I, I just... I'll go to London, I go to New York on occasion and perform. I use... I've played everywhere. I've played everywhere from Indianapolis to Seattle to Miami, like, and all points in between, you know? Um, Tucson, uh, you know, Phoenix. (laughs) I mean, like all over.

   11. JRJoe Rogan3:50

       Right.

   12. JGJeff Garlin3:51

       I've... I've done it. I'm, I'm 56 years old. I've got two TV shows. I develop a bunch of other stuff. I'm passionate about my standup. I get enough... I don't have to earn a living by going on the road, which I have had to in the past. So I stay home and do my standup when I can, which is every Friday-

   13. JRJoe Rogan4:10

       That's a nice thing.

   14. JGJeff Garlin4:10

       ... for sure.

   15. JRJoe Rogan4:11

       'Cause the thing that does get you-

   16. JGJeff Garlin4:12

       It's very nice and I've worked towards that, you know?

   17. JRJoe Rogan4:14

       Yeah, that's a beautiful thing to work towards.

   18. JGJeff Garlin4:15

       Yeah, yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan4:15

       'Cause the thing that does get you is that travel.

   20. JGJeff Garlin4:18

       Oh. You know, it we- Uh, the thing that no one understands is the only joy that you can possibly get when you travel is the moment when you're on stage. And if that's troublesome or not fun, it's a drag. It's depressing.

   21. JRJoe Rogan4:35

       Yeah.

   22. JGJeff Garlin4:35

       But those moments on stage, if they're great, it's all worth it.

   23. JRJoe Rogan4:40

       Yeah. No, it's... The thing... Also, when you go on the road, if you have to do morning radio-

   24. JGJeff Garlin4:45

       Oh.

   25. JRJoe Rogan4:46

       ... and you have to do those kind of things-

   26. JGJeff Garlin4:46

       Well, that's the thing.

   27. JRJoe Rogan4:47

       ... it wrecks your health.

   28. JGJeff Garlin4:48

       'Cause you're... It, it, it screws up your time.

   29. JRJoe Rogan4:50

       Mm-hmm.

   30. JGJeff Garlin4:50

       You know, what time you go to bed 'cause I, I like to set... I don't worry as much on a consistent basis what time I wake up, 'cause that'll automatic- be automatic. I, I try consistently to go to bed at the same time every night.
4. 5:56 – 15:04

   Homebody mindset and social dread: parties, dinner conversations, and “man buns in a hot tub”

   1. JRJoe Rogan5:56

      How so?

   2. JGJeff Garlin5:56

      And, and, and a ... Well, it's like I find going on stage, I'm fearless. And I don't even like leaving my house. I prefer to stay home. I love napping. Oh-

   3. JRJoe Rogan6:09

      (laughs)

   4. JGJeff Garlin6:09

      ... do I love napping. If I could smoke some indica and take a nap every day. I do transcendental meditation. I do all the chill things at home and I leave to work. I don't like going to parties. I like a good dinner party 'cause that means I can have an actual conversation with someone.

   5. JRJoe Rogan6:27

      Right.

   6. JGJeff Garlin6:27

      But I was just at a party the other night, a goodbye party for a friend of mine. It was at Jeff Ross's house. And I had the worst time. I lasted 20 minutes. The only people I could talk to were comedians. I, I, uh, there were a bunch of comedians-

   7. JRJoe Rogan6:40

      Who else would be at Jeff Ross's party but comedians?

   8. JGJeff Garlin6:43

      Well, so- some people with man buns and a hot tub.

   9. JRJoe Rogan6:45

      (laughs)

   10. JGJeff Garlin6:46

       It was very unsettling and wrong. I wanted nothing to do with it. I said my goodbyes to my friend.

   11. JRJoe Rogan6:52

       (laughs)

   12. JGJeff Garlin6:53

       And, uh, uh, she's moving to Japan.

   13. JRJoe Rogan6:56

       Oh, wow.

   14. JGJeff Garlin6:56

       So I, um, I, uh, said my goodbyes, but it was out of respect to her that I went. But out of respect to myself, I didn't stay long.

   15. JRJoe Rogan7:05

       Man buns and a hot tub is never a good combination.

   16. JGJeff Garlin7:07

       Right. You see a man bun in a hot tub, you go, "I don't belong here."

   17. JRJoe Rogan7:09

       It's over. It's over.

   18. JGJeff Garlin7:09

       "I don't belong here."

   19. JRJoe Rogan7:11

       Yeah, you don't belong there.

   20. JGJeff Garlin7:12

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan7:12

       That can't be done.

   22. JGJeff Garlin7:13

       No, it's bad.

   23. JRJoe Rogan7:14

       When did that start happening? When did the man buns start-

   24. JGJeff Garlin7:16

       Man buns, to me, like in a big way, a couple years ago.

   25. JRJoe Rogan7:20

       It's like samurais and then there was a big drop off-

   26. JGJeff Garlin7:22

       Right.

   27. JRJoe Rogan7:22

       ... for a long time. (laughs)

   28. JGJeff Garlin7:23

       Samurais and then a big drop off. That's exactly it. I don't get it. I mean, why grow your hair long if you're gonna wear a man bun?

   29. JRJoe Rogan7:33

       I think they like the idea.

   30. JGJeff Garlin7:33

       Either grow your hair long and dig it... Yeah, the idea of it, it's ridiculous. I was at a gas station in Studio City and I was seconds away from talking to this dude. He-
5. 15:04 – 15:35

   Health reset: diet rules, weight loss, and exercise that feels doable

   1. JGJeff Garlin15:04

      By the way, I ... But I do exercise. I eat well. I, I eat, I eat gluten-free. I eat dairy-free. And I eat sugar-free.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:13

      That's awesome.

   3. JGJeff Garlin15:14

      But I-

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      Those are-

   5. JGJeff Garlin15:14

      But I-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      That's a good combination.

   7. JGJeff Garlin15:15

      Yeah. And I aspire to be more of a vegetarian, but I'm not obsessed with it.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:20

      Do you, uh, read books on nutrition? Do you understand-

   9. JGJeff Garlin15:22

      I have read many books on nutrition.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:24

       Yeah?

   11. JGJeff Garlin15:24

       Yes. Some that Bryan Callen even recommended to me, a couple-

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:26

       Really? Which ones?

   13. JGJeff Garlin15:28

       Um, uh ...

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       (laughs)

   15. JGJeff Garlin15:30

       (laughs) I couldn't think of the name. Oh, I probably have them in my phone. If you really wanna know.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:33

       Bryan Callen's a big recommender of books.

6. 15:35 – 24:36

   Analog obsession: vinyl, guitar rooms, Henry Rollins’ speaker shrine, and nutrition books

   1. JGJeff Garlin15:35

      Yeah, yeah. Kindle. Hold on, I'll tell you what he recommended. And they were good. I learned ... You know, every one of those kind of books, even if they're not well-written or whatever, I learn something from. I pick up-

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:45

      Mm-hmm.

   3. JGJeff Garlin15:46

      I read, uh, a ton. That's what I do when I'm at home. I read a lot. I listen to albums and I read music. And I, uh, play guitar-

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:54

      When you say albums, do you have like a record player?

   5. JGJeff Garlin15:56

      I have a record player and I have, uh-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:57

      Ooh, those guys.

   7. JGJeff Garlin15:58

      ... thousands of albums. Okay.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:59

      Wow.

   9. JGJeff Garlin15:59

      Yeah, I'm one of those guys.

   10. JRJoe Rogan16:00

       You have th- You have a thousand albums?

   11. JGJeff Garlin16:01

       Probably about a thousand.

   12. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       Yeah.

   13. JGJeff Garlin16:03

       Holy shit. Yeah, I enjoy it.

   14. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       Do you have like a room that you go to when you, like, can't-

   15. JGJeff Garlin16:07

       I'm going to. I'm moving into a new house which will have a specific room that I will go into to strictly play guitar and listen to analog.

   16. JRJoe Rogan16:15

       Whoa.

   17. JGJeff Garlin16:15

       Which is albums. Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan16:17

       Have you, uh ... Do you know Henry Rollins at all?

   19. JGJeff Garlin16:19

       I do know Henry Rollins.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       Henry's-

   21. JGJeff Garlin16:21

       We're not great friends, I mean, but I do know him. He's an acquaintance of mine.

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:25

       He's a fascinating guy.

   23. JGJeff Garlin16:26

       He's a fascinating guy, good man.

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:28

       Very good man.

   25. JGJeff Garlin16:29

       I dig that dude.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:30

       F- very inspirational guy, too.

   27. JGJeff Garlin16:31

       Inspires me. I dig him. I, I, I did an interview with him at Largo. I, I dig him big time, yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:38

       He's got these crazy quarter million dollar speakers in his house.

   29. JGJeff Garlin16:42

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:42

       They're like ... There's his speaker room. Look at-
7. 24:36 – 33:02

   Music as enlightenment: James Brown’s power, prison story, and performance mythology

   1. JRJoe Rogan24:36

      I have a friend (clears throat) and many, many years ago I was at her house and she had this sign that said enlightenment is possible in this lifetime.I saw that and I went, "Whoa."

   2. JGJeff Garlin24:45

      Wow, that's-

   3. JRJoe Rogan24:45

      That's deep.

   4. JGJeff Garlin24:46

      ... that's, uh, by the way, levels of it-

   5. JRJoe Rogan24:48

      It's real.

   6. JGJeff Garlin24:48

      ... and putting you at a higher place than you are, I agree with, but true enlightenment?

   7. JRJoe Rogan24:54

      Mm.

   8. JGJeff Garlin24:54

      I- I- I'm just kinda... I'm not cynical. Um, I'm, have more of a critical eye. There you go.

   9. JRJoe Rogan25:00

      Right.

   10. JGJeff Garlin25:00

       If that's possible. I'm not cynical.

   11. JRJoe Rogan25:01

       I've never seen it.

   12. JGJeff Garlin25:02

       I've not seen it, but-

   13. JRJoe Rogan25:03

       (coughs) .

   14. JGJeff Garlin25:03

       But it's like, I'm not gonna deem it impossible 'cause then who am I?

   15. JRJoe Rogan25:07

       And, it's also-

   16. JGJeff Garlin25:07

       That's like me saying, "There's no God." That's like me saying, "I'll tell you who killed Kennedy." I don't know.

   17. JRJoe Rogan25:13

       Right. And, it's also what exactly is enlightenment and by whose standards or definition?

   18. JGJeff Garlin25:18

       Right. Well, so maybe if you have a very low standard for enlightenment-

   19. JRJoe Rogan25:22

       Yeah.

   20. JGJeff Garlin25:22

       ... and you reach whatever that level is, you go, "I did it in my lifetime! Look at me!"

   21. JRJoe Rogan25:28

       Right. Like, if you are, if you're smoking indica, listening to great music and having fantastic sex after a great meal and- and then someone says, "No, no, no. You're just supposed to meditate and just sit in a room and- and, you know, be mindful." Okay. How about fuck you?

   22. JGJeff Garlin25:44

       How about a big bowl of fuck you?

   23. JRJoe Rogan25:46

       Yeah.

   24. JGJeff Garlin25:47

       Oh, by the way, can we make that happen for me that I smoke some indica, listen to some music, have some great sex after a great meal?

   25. JRJoe Rogan25:53

       Totally possible.

   26. JGJeff Garlin25:53

       How do I arrange that?

   27. JRJoe Rogan25:55

       It's... It can be done.

   28. JGJeff Garlin25:55

       I got you. It can be done.

   29. JRJoe Rogan25:56

       You're Jeff Garlin. It should be done.

   30. JGJeff Garlin25:58

       Yeah. That's what, uh-
8. 33:02 – 37:58

   Comedy craft talk: “dance moves,” open mics, and learning to bomb

   1. JGJeff Garlin33:02

      And by the way, when you see someone moving around like that on stage, I will bet you every penny I have they're not funny.

   2. JRJoe Rogan33:10

      Callan moves a lot on stage, he's very funny.

   3. JGJeff Garlin33:12

      Nah, he doesn't move like, like I-

   4. JRJoe Rogan33:14

      Sometimes he throws kicks.

   5. JGJeff Garlin33:14

      All right, so upstairs in the, in the, um ...

   6. JRJoe Rogan33:17

      Deli room?

   7. JGJeff Garlin33:17

      N- no, The Improv, upstairs.

   8. JRJoe Rogan33:19

      Okay.

   9. JGJeff Garlin33:19

      You know that greenroom thing?

   10. JRJoe Rogan33:21

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JGJeff Garlin33:21

       Okay. There's a monitor on stage with a thing, and I will turn to whoever I'm with, I go, "Funny. Not funny."

   12. JRJoe Rogan33:28

       (laughs)

   13. JGJeff Garlin33:28

       Because I c- I can watch and tell how ... whether the comedy's coming to them or whether they're pushing it. And most of the move-around people are pushing it, they're selling-

   14. JRJoe Rogan33:39

       But Jim Carrey was a move-around guy. He was always really funny.

   15. JGJeff Garlin33:42

       But, eh, move around in a different sort of way, doing character-

   16. JRJoe Rogan33:46

       There's exceptions.

   17. JGJeff Garlin33:46

       Well, there's exceptions to all s- stuff, like ...

   18. JRJoe Rogan33:48

       Right.

   19. JGJeff Garlin33:48

       All things. But in this sort of way. I'm talking about when someone just stands there and talks, and then they're doing some sort of movement, it's not good. Jim Carrey, there was a purpose.

   20. JRJoe Rogan33:59

       Right.

   21. JGJeff Garlin33:59

       Brian, it's part of who he is.

   22. JRJoe Rogan34:01

       Yeah.

   23. JGJeff Garlin34:02

       That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people that just oversell shit by-

   24. JRJoe Rogan34:06

       I see what you're saying.

   25. JGJeff Garlin34:07

       ... physicalizing what should be just funny the way you say it, not even what you're saying, the way you say it.

   26. JRJoe Rogan34:14

       Tom Segura calls it dance moves.

   27. JGJeff Garlin34:16

       It is dance moves! Good night!

   28. JRJoe Rogan34:18

       (laughs)

   29. JGJeff Garlin34:18

       Tom Segura's right! Tom Segura's funny.

   30. JRJoe Rogan34:21

       He's a genius. He, uh ... I used to call it English, putting, like, English on a cue ball.
9. 37:58 – 1:09:14

   Dice, The Comedy Store, and the changing comedian culture (ego, hovering, negativity)

   1. JGJeff Garlin37:58

      As a matter of fact, I remember one time, Dice came into, uh, the store. This is probably four or five years ago, maybe five years ago. And, uh, he came up to me, he goes, "I'll go up after you." You know, uh, it was very respectful, very nice. And I said, "No, I really wanna follow you. I wanna see what that's like."

   2. JRJoe Rogan38:15

      (laughs)

   3. JGJeff Garlin38:15

      "I've never followed you. Please go up there and go for broke. Go for fucking broke. I go, 'How long you doing?'" He goes, "Oh, maybe a half hour." I go, "Great. Go up there for a half hour. I got nowhere to be. I'm gonna watch you, and then I want you just to fucking hold nothing back." And then I went up after him. You know how I did? Fine. Didn't do good, didn't do bad.

   4. JRJoe Rogan38:35

      (laughs)

   5. JGJeff Garlin38:35

      Did fine because I knew how to handle myself.

   6. JRJoe Rogan38:38

      Right.

   7. JGJeff Garlin38:38

      My professionalism-

   8. JRJoe Rogan38:39

      Yes.

   9. JGJeff Garlin38:40

      ... the craft of what I know won out.

   10. JRJoe Rogan38:42

       Yeah.

   11. JGJeff Garlin38:43

       But there's no following that with what I do, which is totally different and having the audience go, "Oh, this takes it to a whole new place." No.

   12. JRJoe Rogan38:52

       Did you ever listen to The Day the Laughter Died?

   13. JGJeff Garlin38:55

       Yeah, uh, Rick Rubin's album with him?

   14. JRJoe Rogan38:57

       Yes.

   15. JGJeff Garlin38:57

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan38:57

       Fucking phenomenal.

   17. JGJeff Garlin38:59

       Yeah, great album.

   18. JRJoe Rogan38:59

       And it's just eating shit-

   19. JGJeff Garlin39:01

       Yeah, right, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan39:01

       ... for two hours. (laughs)

   21. JGJeff Garlin39:02

       Two hours, I know.

   22. JRJoe Rogan39:03

       He showed up at Dangerfield's. For people who don't know, it's w- literally... I will never forget. I was just starting out. I think he did this... L- look this up when that was. I wanna say it was like 1989, 1990.

   23. JGJeff Garlin39:15

       No, it was after that.

   24. JRJoe Rogan39:16

       It was fairly early. It was fairly early-

   25. JGJeff Garlin39:19

       No, it was af- it was after that.

   26. JRJoe Rogan39:19

       ... because I was very young in my career.

   27. JGJeff Garlin39:21

       Oh, no. It might have been then.

   28. JRJoe Rogan39:22

       'Cause I was still living in Boston.

   29. JGJeff Garlin39:23

       No, no, it might have been then because-

   30. JRJoe Rogan39:26

       1989.

Episode duration: 1:49:21