Joe Rogan Experience #1146 - Jeff Garlin

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Three, two, one. Hello,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Three, two, one. Hello, Jeffrey.

   2. JGJeff Garlin0:06

      Hello, Joe.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      How you doing, man?

   4. JGJeff Garlin0:09

      I'm, uh, young and handsome.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:10

      You are young and handsome.

   6. JGJeff Garlin0:12

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      Yes. We all are, uh, if we're not dead.

   8. JGJeff Garlin0:14

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      I don't know what that means.

   10. JGJeff Garlin0:17

       It's all good.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:17

       I'm all jet-lagged.

   12. JGJeff Garlin0:19

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       What's cracking? How are you?

   14. JGJeff Garlin0:21

       I'm, uh, a big bowl of wonderful.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       You're a big bowl?

   16. JGJeff Garlin0:25

       A big bowl. A fucking huge bowl of wonderful.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       You're aggressive with that statement.

   18. JGJeff Garlin0:30

       I am.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       I believe you.

   20. JGJeff Garlin0:31

       I am. Yeah, don't doubt me with wonderful-ness.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       I don't. I don't doubt you.

   22. JGJeff Garlin0:35

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       It's good to see you, man.

   24. JGJeff Garlin0:37

       Good to see you, too.

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       (laughs) What's the latest?

   26. JGJeff Garlin0:39

       What is the latest? Uh, about to start another season of The Goldbergs, another season of Curb after that.

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       Do you enjoy wa- working with the, the f- fabulous Bryan Callen?

   28. JGJeff Garlin0:49

       I love working with Bryan Callen. He makes me laugh all the time.

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       He's here later.

   30. JGJeff Garlin0:53

       Oh, he is?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   There you go. …

   1. JGJeff Garlin15:00

      unless I'm napping. So we both-

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      There you go.

   3. JGJeff Garlin15:01

      ... have our ways about us.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      Yeah. Well, everybody's body's different.

   5. JGJeff Garlin15:04

      By the way, I ... But I do exercise. I eat well. I, I eat, I eat gluten-free. I eat dairy-free. And I eat sugar-free.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:13

      That's awesome.

   7. JGJeff Garlin15:14

      But I-

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:14

      Those are-

   9. JGJeff Garlin15:14

      But I-

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:14

       That's a good combination.

   11. JGJeff Garlin15:15

       Yeah. And I aspire to be more of a vegetarian, but I'm not obsessed with it.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:20

       Do you, uh, read books on nutrition? Do you understand-

   13. JGJeff Garlin15:22

       I have read many books on nutrition.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:24

       Yeah?

   15. JGJeff Garlin15:24

       Yes. Some that Bryan Callen even recommended to me, a couple-

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:26

       Really? Which ones?

   17. JGJeff Garlin15:28

       Um, uh ...

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       (laughs)

   19. JGJeff Garlin15:30

       (laughs) I couldn't think of the name. Oh, I probably have them in my phone. If you really wanna know.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:33

       Bryan Callen's a big recommender of books.

   21. JGJeff Garlin15:35

       Yeah, yeah. Kindle. Hold on, I'll tell you what he recommended. And they were good. I learned ... You know, every one of those kind of books, even if they're not well-written or whatever, I learn something from. I pick up-

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       Mm-hmm.

   23. JGJeff Garlin15:46

       I read, uh, a ton. That's what I do when I'm at home. I read a lot. I listen to albums and I read music. And I, uh, play guitar-

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:54

       When you say albums, do you have like a record player?

   25. JGJeff Garlin15:56

       I have a record player and I have, uh-

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       Ooh, those guys.

   27. JGJeff Garlin15:58

       ... thousands of albums. Okay.

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:59

       Wow.

   29. JGJeff Garlin15:59

       Yeah, I'm one of those guys.

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:00

       You have th- You have a thousand albums?
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) Rumors of a…

   1. JGJeff Garlin30:00

      rims.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      (laughs) Rumors of a PCP habit had already surfaced by the time his erratic behavior came to a head in September. Wow. PCP is a tricky one, huh?

   3. JGJeff Garlin30:09

      He sang in the prison choir.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:12

      I bet he did. Shit, imagine you go to jail for, like, stealing a car and your fucking cellie is James Brown? Be like, "Hey, buddy. What do you want to do?" (laughs)

   5. JGJeff Garlin30:21

      Yeah, that's something. That's a hell of a story.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:23

      Yeah, help him write some songs.

   7. JGJeff Garlin30:25

      Mm-hmm.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:25

      You know, get on up.

   9. JGJeff Garlin30:27

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:27

       Did you ever see, um, when he opened up for, um, the Muhammad Ali fight with George Foreman in Zaire?

   11. JGJeff Garlin30:34

       Oh, of course. It's in the documentary.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:35

       Holy shit, was that incredible.

   13. JGJeff Garlin30:37

       That was incredible, yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       Incredible.

   15. JGJeff Garlin30:39

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:39

       He had so much power. There was something about him, man. He would get on stage.

   17. JGJeff Garlin30:45

       Ridiculous.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:45

       It was just power.

   19. JGJeff Garlin30:46

       To give you an idea how much power, Prince wished for that power.

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:49

       Fuck yeah. Well, Prince had it, but he had it in a different way.

   21. JGJeff Garlin30:52

       No, no, no, different way, but Prince looked up to that power like death.

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:55

       Oh, who the fuck didn't?

   23. JGJeff Garlin30:56

       No, James Brown was ridiculous, I'll tell you.

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:57

       I can't sing and I looked up to it.

   25. JGJeff Garlin30:59

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan30:59

       I don't have any musical talent and I looked up to him.

   27. JGJeff Garlin31:00

       It just tells you what a waste Elvis was.

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:03

       Hmm.

   29. JGJeff Garlin31:03

       'Cause Elvis had that power and he didn't use it. He had it early on and then, uh, w- w-

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:09

       He could never dance like James Brown though or f- or if he did he never showed it.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Do you like skateboarding?…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Gym t-shirt on (laughs) with crazy sunglasses and he'll do like these little sketches but they're so random and weird. Like him talking to a girl like, "Maybe, uh, we should do something later," and the girl's like, "Okay." Like, click on this. Play this. This is like his... This is his whole thing.

   2. JGJeff Garlin45:19

      Do you like skateboarding? I was thinking about it.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:22

      (laughs) Skateboarding? Yeah.

   4. JGJeff Garlin45:23

      Yeah, maybe we should do that.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:25

      That'd be a good time.

   6. JGJeff Garlin45:28

      Can you cook dinner is the original question? Why don't you stay out of this?

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:31

      I didn't-

   8. JGJeff Garlin45:31

      He doesn't even know how to use the phone. What's your name?

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:36

      Nicole.

   10. JGJeff Garlin45:36

       What?

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:37

       Nicole.

   12. JGJeff Garlin45:38

       Nicole. All right. I'll ca- I'll call you. I gotta go take care of something.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       All right, have a good day. (laughs)

   14. JGJeff Garlin45:43

       Shit, dude. That was the end of it.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:45

       Oh, that's the end of it? A- afterwards he goes... He's got another one, a follow-up, where he gets mad at himself for not doing anything about it. Like go to the next video (laughs) . That's not it. There's another... There. Play this one (laughs) .

   16. JGJeff Garlin46:00

       What a beautiful night, huh? Beautiful. See?

   17. JRJoe Rogan46:07

       It's Eleanor (laughs) . It's just, just so random.

   18. JGJeff Garlin46:09

       What a beautiful night, huh?

   19. JRJoe Rogan46:11

       (laughs)

   20. JGJeff Garlin46:11

       That's Whatson. She's a comedian, right?

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:13

       Eleanor Kerrigan, yeah.

   22. JGJeff Garlin46:14

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:14

       They're so random. The videos are s-... I guess the- the text in that video was like, "I should have done something. What's wrong with me?"

   24. JGJeff Garlin46:21

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:22

       It's... But this is him, "Why did I leave? I'm so dumb." (laughs)

   26. JGJeff Garlin46:27

       (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:27

       But they're so random. It's like what is he doing? He's just-

   28. JGJeff Garlin46:31

       Being dice.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:32

       He's just being d-... He used to do that at the store. He used to have comics do these little sketches. He'd go, "Okay, you're gonna run through the- the door there and you're gonna knock him over and you're gonna go, 'What the fuck?' Okay, go." And the guy would do it, he'd run into the door and knock the other guy over and he'd go, "What the fuck?" He'll go, "Perfect, do it again." And he would just... He would just film this with like VHS tape. You know, like an old school one.

   30. JGJeff Garlin46:55

       Oh, really?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:07:10

   But won't it, won't…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      with those peppers, when you're eating that Thai food, like the kind of splatter that you're creating, they're like, "Let's just, let's be honest, toilet paper is not good enough. You're gonna need to hose down some."

   2. JGJeff Garlin1:00:10

      But won't it, won't it be funny if there's a guy waiting outside the bathroom to explain that to you? You just walk out and he, he says to you, "You're probably a little confused, but toilet paper's not good for you." Like, it doesn't matter, right?

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

      That explains nothing there. There's something that I put up on my, uh, Instagram today about a sign that I saw that said, "Please don't pee on the floor." And I'm like, how many people have to pee on the floor before you put a sign up that says, "Please don't pee on the floor"?

   4. JGJeff Garlin1:00:32

      And by the way, if you're a person who pees on the floor, are you really gonna go, "Oh, I was going to."

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

      (laughs)

   6. JGJeff Garlin1:00:37

      "But now I'm not at all. I'm stopping the floor peeing."

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

      Exactly, exactly. It's like, "Please don't rape."

   8. JGJeff Garlin1:00:43

      By the way, the truth is about floor peeing, it, it... Pee ends up on the floor.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:49

      Some does.

   10. JGJeff Garlin1:00:49

       Yeah, some does.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

       Yeah, for dudes.

   12. JGJeff Garlin1:00:51

       Yeah, for dudes.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:52

       Yeah. Another thing I read that, uh, that's very honest that I've read that I agree with, some guy said because of smartphones, I, I pee sitting down much more than I would like to admit.

   14. JGJeff Garlin1:01:02

       Oh, yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:01:02

       That's a fact.

   16. JGJeff Garlin1:01:03

       We did an episode about that on, uh, Curb Your Enthusiasm about people peeing...

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:01:05

       Yeah, because you sit down and be like, "Well, I'll just take a shit and if it doesn't come out, I'll just pee and I'll read my phone."

   18. JGJeff Garlin1:01:10

       Yeah, I guess.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:01:11

       I'll just read stuff.

   20. JGJeff Garlin1:01:12

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:13

       You guess.

   22. JGJeff Garlin1:01:14

       No, I ge- Look, people with their phones, that's a whole thing for me.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:17

       You got a problem with phones?

   24. JGJeff Garlin1:01:19

       A- As a tool? No, I do not. But as a avoiding being in the present, I do.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:26

       Yeah, they're addictive.

   26. JGJeff Garlin1:01:27

       They're addictive.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:28

       They're very addictive.

   28. JGJeff Garlin1:01:29

       And by the way, I gotta be honest.... I don't remember the last show where somebody didn't pull out their phone.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:35

       The last show? Like when, when you were doing standup?

   30. JGJeff Garlin1:01:37

       Some people are texting. People are-

Episode duration: 1:49:21