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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1148 - Andrew Santino

Andrew Santino is a stand up comedian and actor. You can also see him the show “I’m Dying Up Here” on SHOWTIME.

Joe RoganhostAndrew Santino (very short interjection/bit)guestJamie Vernonguest
Jul 28, 20182h 49mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 15:00

    Oh, we're live. …

    1. JR

      Oh, we're live.

    2. AS

      Ah.

    3. JR

      Uh, what are you guys betting on?

    4. AS

      Look, look around real quick. Do you know... What's new?

    5. JR

      Hmm.

    6. AS

      Easy. It's easier than you think.

    7. JR

      Hmm. Bruce Lee?

    8. AS

      Bruce Lee. Yeah, but still-

    9. JR

      I saw that.

    10. JV

      Yeah, I saw that too.

    11. AS

      But still though, he didn't say it. He goes, "I wonder if he'll say it right as he gets on." I said, "No, I should have bet you money."

    12. JR

      Well, I was gonna say it, but I mean, it's-

    13. JV

      If you had looked this way, you'd have seen it right away.

    14. JR

      No, I saw it immediately.

    15. AS

      Bruce.

    16. JR

      He's pretty dope.

    17. AS

      It is dope.

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. JV

      Yeah, they just sent those in.

    20. JR

      This guy's a bad motherfucker, Plastic Cell.

    21. JV

      Yep.

    22. JR

      ... does some shit.

    23. AS

      There's a great, there's a great hip hop album I used to listen to in high school, and they used one of his quotes, one of my favorites. He says, "Honestly expressing oneself is really hard to do. I can use, I can use really fancy movements and show you really crazy things, but to honestly express myself, that is really hard to do." It's a gr- it's like a beautiful little sound clip before they start the song, but it's like just him talking to someone.

    24. JR

      Isn't it humbling when someone dies really young like he does and they did way more in their life than you ever will? (laughs)

    25. AS

      Makes me sad. (laughs) Like, what am I gonna do?

    26. JR

      You stop and think about it, like, who the fuck else has had that kind of an impact and... You know, he died in, what, 1970 something?

    27. AS

      In the '70s, yeah.

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      And he was young.

    30. JR

      Yeah. P- I think he was like 30 or 31 or 32 or something like that. Find out how old Bruce Lee was when he died. It's not like... I was listening to Hendrix last night on the way to the studio, or on the way to the, uh, Comedy Store.

  2. 15:00 – 30:00

    Mm-hmm. …

    1. JR

      I was so happy that he knew my name because he used to date Vicki Lewis, who was a friend of mine. She was on, uh, News Radio.

    2. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. JR

      Very talented girl. She's, that girl's extremely talented.

    4. AS

      She's young, huh?

    5. JR

      Vicki? Not anymore.

    6. AS

      Compared to him though?

    7. JR

      Compared to him at the time.

    8. AS

      That was a big age gap. Yeah.

    9. JR

      Yeah, it was a big age gap. But, um, so I knew him from the set. You know, he'd come to the set and hang out.

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      And, uh, um, I'm in Fri's and he's got his reading glasses on and I said, "Hey, Nick, what's up?" He goes, "Oh, hey, Joe."

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      "I'm, uh, I'm trying to get a computer for my kid. I'm trying to... You know anything about these fucking things?"

    14. AS

      That's really good.

    15. JR

      "Hey, Joe." It was weird. It's like, I'm talking to Nick Nolte.

    16. AS

      "Should I get a Mac?"

    17. JR

      Because I was only like 27 and I was still confused. I was still like, "I can't believe I'm really talking to Nick Nolte."

    18. AS

      Chatting it up right now with Nolte.

    19. JR

      "Is this real? Is this real?"

    20. AS

      (laughs)

    21. JR

      "We're at Fri's together?"

    22. AS

      "We're at Fri's." (laughs) "Yeah."

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. AS

      "Hey, man, Nick needs electronics too."

    25. JR

      (coughs) That was during my, um, my Quake days when I was addicted to Quake and I would make my own computers.

    26. AS

      You l- you did all that shit?

    27. JR

      Oh, dude, I did.

    28. AS

      Did you have like ph- 15 screens and all that shit like everyone does now?

    29. JR

      Yeah, I had a room in my house where I had a, uh, like a conference table and it was lined up with computer monitors and computers. I used to build computers, man.

    30. AS

      But you pl- you don't play any games anymore.

  3. 30:00 – 45:00

    Yeah. …

    1. AS

      When I see, when you see it, you're like, "That's Bill Maher behind the face swap."

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. AS

      Doing the voice.

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. AS

      When he does the Kim and Kanye talking, talking to each other with Caitlyn.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      It's brilliant, man. He's fucking... He, he found, uh, he found the perfect groove.

    8. JR

      But I love the fact that there's this new thing that people can do, you know? Like, they, they, this face swap thing is, like, a completely new way of doing sketches.

    9. AS

      Making characters.

    10. JR

      Yeah. I mean-

    11. AS

      Yeah, it's wild.

    12. JR

      Well, it's almost funnier because you know that he's behind it.

    13. AS

      Yeah.

    14. JR

      You know what I mean? It's like-

    15. AS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      ... you're in on it, so you know, but yet it's so good, like when he does, like, Kim and Kanye.

    17. AS

      (laughs) Yeah. Dad.

    18. JR

      When he, when he... Dad.

    19. AS

      (laughs)

    20. JR

      ... I'm lost in my house." "Oh, shit. Look around you. What do you see?" "There's a washing machine-"

    21. AS

      Washing machine, yeah. (laughs)

    22. JR

      "... there's a weird white box. What is that white box?"

    23. A(

      (laughs)

    24. AS

      (laughs)

    25. JR

      (laughs)

    26. AS

      (laughs) She opens it up...

    27. JR

      This is just, it's so perfect, this like clueless family that's so wealthy that they're completely detached from laundry machines.

    28. AS

      "What is that?"

    29. JR

      "What is that white box?"

    30. AS

      "What are we mad at now?"

  4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

    You don't have any…

    1. JR

      don't have one of those.

    2. AS

      You don't have any of that shit?

    3. JR

      No. Not on-

    4. AS

      Like some guys love cellulite, you know some girls like, like, like-

    5. JR

      Oh, Jesus.

    6. AS

      ... chunky bitches.

    7. JR

      (growls)

    8. AS

      Young Jamie over there. (laughs)

    9. JR

      (laughs) What? (laughs) He's like, "Hey."

    10. JV

      Throw me under that bus.

    11. JR

      Don't tell ... (laughs)

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      Don't put that evil on me.

    14. AS

      He's gonna have so many DMs from these fa- fat chicks hitting him up.

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. AS

      "See you get your cellulite pics."

    17. JR

      Do you know that there's a new show on Netflix that they're trying to take off the air? It's about a girl who used to be fat and then she got skinny and she's getting revenge on everybody.

    18. AS

      That's fucking up- What's that called? I wanna watch. How would they take that off? That sounds perfect.

    19. JR

      See if you can find it. It's some, some really pretty girl who's starving-

    20. AS

      She's going back to all the people that, that talked shit to her when she was young about being fat?

    21. JR

      I guess. I don't, I didn't really pay attention 100%.

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      But, uh, people are very angry about it, about the premise.

    24. AS

      Why?

    25. JR

      Fat shaming.

    26. AS

      Oh, gosh.

    27. JR

      Don't you know about fat shaming?

    28. AS

      Yeah, sure.

    29. JR

      (sputters)

    30. AS

      (laughs)

  5. 1:00:00 – 1:03:23

    (laughs) …

    1. JR

      every day between 7:00 and 11:00." So if you wanna molest, here's your hours, after 11:00 up to 7:00.

    2. AS

      (laughs)

    3. JR

      They will be wearing pink armbands "and luminous bracelets for ve- better vis-visibility in the dark. They will also have a tent located on, uh, (French accent) Place des Festivals-

    4. AS

      (French accent) Place des Festivals of Rue, uh...

    5. JR

      ... between (French accent) Balmold, Bomboules... God, French is awesome.

    6. AS

      What were the streets? We... What were the streets? I'm trying to remember the moment.

    7. JR

      Yeah, we can't, we can't molest on these streets, boys, so branch out, we're gonna go into the forest, to the suburbs.

    8. AS

      No molesting on Rue Sainte-Catherine.

    9. JR

      "In addition, if you are the victim or witness of prohibited act..." Okay. Well, what's a prohibited act?

    10. AS

      Anything listed above, Joe.

    11. JR

      It seems like everything.

    12. AS

      Yeah, it is. Zero cond- email them.

    13. JR

      I mean, I'm all for no rape, no touching, no harassment.

    14. AS

      Totally.

    15. JR

      I'm all for that, but it seems-

    16. AS

      Great.

    17. JR

      ... like they're just covering their ass. Let's go back up to that, what you can't do again. I wanna know what vexatious is. What's vexatious? Inappropriate. Abusive, inappropriate or vexatious.

    18. AS

      Vexatious behavior.

    19. JR

      But everything we do is inappropriate.

    20. AS

      Yeah, the whole-

    21. JR

      Okay?

    22. AS

      ... the idea of what we do for a living is inappropriate.

    23. JR

      That whole back alley where everybody goes and smokes.

    24. AS

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      That's an inappropriate zone.

    26. AS

      (laughs) Every single time it's-

    27. JR

      Every time you go back there, people are just saying ridiculous shit.

    28. AS

      "Cause annoyance, frustration or worry." (laughs)

    29. JR

      Oh. Wow.Wow, who is the thesaurus holder that pulled that fucking bad boy out?

    30. AS

      From that station.

Episode duration: 2:49:21

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