Joe Rogan Experience #1153 - Macaulay Culkin

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Boom, and we're live.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Boom, and we're live.

   2. MCMacaulay Culkin0:07

      And we're live.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Hey, pull the sucker up there.

   4. MCMacaulay Culkin0:09

      Get that a little closer? A little closer?

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      Yeah, okay. Yeah, right about there.

   6. MCMacaulay Culkin0:12

      Yeah, here we go. All right.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      How are you, fellas? What's going on?

   8. MCMacaulay Culkin0:13

      Fantastic. Uh, how are you doing?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      Very nice to meet you.

   10. MCMacaulay Culkin0:15

       Nice to meet you, too.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:16

       You're remarkably normal.

   12. MCMacaulay Culkin0:18

       Oh, thanks. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:20

       (laughs)

   14. MCMacaulay Culkin0:20

       You know, people are always struck at, uh, how normal I am.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       (laughs)

   16. MCMacaulay Culkin0:22

       I'm like, it's just like, "Wow, really?" I think my, my reputation-

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       Like, you made it through the maze-

   18. MCMacaulay Culkin0:26

       I guess so.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       ... of being a famous child.

   20. MCMacaulay Culkin0:28

       Yeah, yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       That's a very unusual maze.

   22. MCMacaulay Culkin0:30

       Uh, yeah, uh, my life is unique to me. That's what I like to say. You know, yeah, and, uh, I'm almost like a peerless person, like to a certain-

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Yeah.

   24. MCMacaulay Culkin0:37

       ... extent. There's not too many people I can look left and right, and we, you know, I, I ... And like, we have similar experiences, you know?

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:44

       Yeah, is there anybody that you ever contacted, like Jodie Foster or someone who's made it through and seems pretty put together?

   26. MCMacaulay Culkin0:53

       Not really. Like-

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:54

       No?

   28. MCMacaulay Culkin0:54

       No, not really. I mean, it's kind of a weird cold call, you know?

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:57

       Right.

   30. MCMacaulay Culkin0:58

       Kind of just like, "Hey, Jodie Foster." (laughs)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   (laughs) …

   1. MCMacaulay Culkin15:00

      a bunch of, uh, uh, Sean Lennons running around the house.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      (laughs)

   3. MCMacaulay Culkin15:03

      That's what I'm looking for. (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      Oh, oh my goodness.

   5. MCMacaulay Culkin15:06

      Yeah, yeah. No, uh, 'cause it's funny, like, you know, like, uh, I, I'm, like, it's almost like I feel entitled to make, like, Asian jokes because I have an Asian girlfriend kinda thing. But, like-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:16

      I don't think you're allowed.

   7. MCMacaulay Culkin15:17

      I don't think I'm a... Well, I, I do it with her, like all the time.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:19

      Oh.

   9. MCMacaulay Culkin15:19

      But, like, I don't do it in public.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:20

       Don't let anybody know. (laughs)

   11. MCMacaulay Culkin15:21

       Yeah. No, no. No, it's like, it's like, "Oh," it's like, "Oh, baby. You're my Yoko."

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:25

       Ooh.

   13. MCMacaulay Culkin15:25

       Looking at her just like, you know, like, yeah. Wait, look, no, she's like, "You're, you're, you're gonna be my downfall."

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       You're the most hated person in all of music.

   15. MCMacaulay Culkin15:31

       Yeah, yeah, exactly. (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:32

       Yay. (laughs)

   17. MCMacaulay Culkin15:32

       Exactly. Looking at her, uh-

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:34

       You used to be able to if you were married to an Asian woman 10, 15 years ago.

   19. MCMacaulay Culkin15:37

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       It'd be no problem.

   21. MCMacaulay Culkin15:38

       I think if I, uh, I think if I have Asian babies, I'd be allowed to. (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:42

       I don't even think so, man. I don't even think so.

   23. MCMacaulay Culkin15:44

       Well, because, you know, I, I, I'd, I'd have to deal with it every kinda, like, day kinda thing.

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:48

       Mm-hmm.

   25. MCMacaulay Culkin15:48

       And it's like, "Oh, well, like, I can, you know, I understand the struggle kinda thing." Like, you know, I'm trying to shield my kids looking at-

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:53

       Not good enough.

   27. MCMacaulay Culkin15:54

       Yeah, you don't think so?

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:54

       They'll come after you.

   29. MCMacaulay Culkin15:55

       You don't think so?

   30. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       Yeah.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yeah? …

   1. MCMacaulay Culkin30:00

      I, you know-

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      Yeah?

   3. MCMacaulay Culkin30:00

      ... I'd probably, yeah, I'd probably be even more charming.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:03

      (laughs)

   5. MCMacaulay Culkin30:04

      (laughs) I'd do it just better. (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:07

      (laughs) Oh, of course you would, right?

   7. MCMacaulay Culkin30:08

      Yeah, exactly.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      Go back and do it now.

   9. MCMacaulay Culkin30:09

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:10

       Can you imagine if you just, uh, have your brain in a little kid's body?

   11. MCMacaulay Culkin30:13

       Uh, yeah. No, I, I, I, I would kill it.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:15

       Just running shit in grade school.

   13. MCMacaulay Culkin30:16

       I would so kill it, like, in school. Like-

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:18

       Oh, psychological warfare.

   15. MCMacaulay Culkin30:19

       Oh, yeah, you kidding me?

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:19

       They wouldn't know what's coming.

   17. MCMacaulay Culkin30:20

       Yeah. Uh-

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:21

       Those little fucks?

   19. MCMacaulay Culkin30:21

       Yeah. I was, I was-

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:22

       You'd twist their little brains up in knots.

   21. MCMacaulay Culkin30:24

       Oh, exactly. No, it would, that would be great. I'm pretty sure that's what, uh, 30 Go- Going on 13 was, right? (laughs) And that going-

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:30

       What's that?

   23. MCMacaulay Culkin30:30

       Uh, that ... Isn't that a Jennifer Garner movie? You know, you know...

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       I have no idea what any Jennifer Garner movies are.

   25. MCMacaulay Culkin30:35

       Well, you know, now you do. (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan30:37

       Um, yeah, well, 30 Going on 13.

   27. MCMacaulay Culkin30:39

       Yeah, yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan30:40

       Is that like a, a brain swap one?

   29. MCMacaulay Culkin30:41

       Kind of, yes.

   30. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Man.
4. 45:00 – 57:45

   (laughs) …

   1. NANarrator45:00

      just to fuck with people." (laughs)

   2. MCMacaulay Culkin45:03

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:03

      (laughs)

   4. NANarrator45:04

      (laughs)

   5. MCMacaulay Culkin45:04

      "Look at my titties." Like ... (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:07

      With Michelangelo, um, he ... I always used to get them confused with Leonardo da Vinci. Leonardo da Vinci was the one that invented a bunch of shit, though.

   7. MCMacaulay Culkin45:16

      Yeah, he was like a ... He was the Renaissance man, like yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      Yeah.

   9. MCMacaulay Culkin45:18

      And he was also kind of an engineer.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:20

       Yeah.

   11. MCMacaulay Culkin45:20

       And he actually made, like ... Or at least, like s- ... You know, like a ... It was like, like a, a tank kinda thing, like, you know-

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:27

       And a plane.

   13. MCMacaulay Culkin45:28

       And ... Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:28

       And an airplane as well.

   15. MCMacaulay Culkin45:29

       He, he actually designed ... But he designed, uh, like weapons of war also. Like, it wasn't just, like, airplanes or ... Or at least gliders and helicopters and so forth.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:38

       Hmm.

   17. MCMacaulay Culkin45:38

       Uh, but yeah. No, he ... Like, uh ... He-

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       Yeah, look at all the different shit that he came up with.

   19. MCMacaulay Culkin45:42

       Yeah, that, that d- ... That's his tank.

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       Wow, so it looks like a spaceship.

   21. MCMacaulay Culkin45:46

       And you see, like ... And you can see, like, there's, like, kind of, like, like, holes for, like, guns all around it.

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       Oh, wow.

   23. MCMacaulay Culkin45:50

       And it's, like, wheels and ... I, I, I'm n-

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:53

       That's fucking crazy.

   25. MCMacaulay Culkin45:53

       I'm not sure ... I'm not sure if they actually built it or not. Uh-

   26. JRJoe Rogan45:55

       That's like a kill-everybody tank. They're so nondescript with where those bullets are going.

   27. MCMacaulay Culkin45:59

       Mm-hmm.

   28. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       They're going in 360.

   29. MCMacaulay Culkin46:01

       Mm-hmm.

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:01

       360 degrees. Da-da-da-da-da-da.

Episode duration: 1:48:01