Joe Rogan Experience #1160 - Bert Kreischer

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (imitates guitar) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (imitates guitar)

   2. BKBert Kreischer0:01

      Fuck, yes.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Dude, I love the video that, uh, Tommy made.

   4. BKBert Kreischer0:05

      Oh, Tommy's-

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Uh, the fucking animation. (laughs) How good is that?

   6. BKBert Kreischer0:08

      You gotta go check out Tommy's animation. That motherfucker-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      Did... Where is it at now? Live. Where can you get it?

   8. BKBert Kreischer0:14

      Oh, we're live?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      We're live. Oh, we're live. We're live. I just realized. Love you guys. Wh- where can you get that animation?

   10. BKBert Kreischer0:17

       Oh, to- I guarantee on Tom's Instagram.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       Is it available on Tom Pansu-

   12. BKBert Kreischer0:19

       Dude, he paid for that.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:20

       I know he did.

   14. BKBert Kreischer0:21

       He paid for that.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       It's amazing. It's amazing. He showed it to me last night at the Icehouse. It's fucking amazing. So whoever did that is really talented. It's very funny stuff.

   16. BKBert Kreischer0:28

       His fans are the most creative fans ever. Dude, he's got fans in Indonesia who teach English to children, and all they do is teach them how to say, "Bert is fat."

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       (laughs) And "genes."

   18. BKBert Kreischer0:42

       And "genes."

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       (laughs) Say "jeans."

   20. BKBert Kreischer0:45

       Genes.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       High and tight. Oh, so strange. He's got a real- weird niche. Like, him and his wife together on that podcast, they're- it's a weird, like, silly show.

   22. BKBert Kreischer0:56

       We should, the fo- the six of us should go out to eat one night, because watching the two of them interact is... They're... It's just inside jokes between the two of them.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       Always, right?

   24. BKBert Kreischer1:03

       And it's so much fun to be... They really are one of the funnest couples that I've ever befriended in my life.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       It's weird that it works so good. It's like, every comedian couple, when there are two comedians, they're like, "How long..." It's like a bomb. Like, you're just standing next to it, like, "I gotta get outta here before this thing blows."

   26. BKBert Kreischer1:19

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:20

       But with them, it's like it just works.

   28. BKBert Kreischer1:22

       He's, uh, it's so funny, too, because he's known me a- a- probably 15 years, and, uh, the other day we're hanging out. This is just p- me and him bullshitting. He goes... He's got two kids. He's... You... Their house, you can tell they have two brand new kids. Ellis is running around like a lunatic with a balloon running into walls. That kid's a wrecking ball. The other one's an infant. And he looks at me and he goes, "I can't believe you did this with no money." (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:43

       (laughs)

   30. BKBert Kreischer1:44

       I just had kids. I'm like, "Fuck it, it'll work out." (laughs)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      make my own audience."

   2. BKBert Kreischer15:01

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      I'm like, "Okay, I get it."

   4. BKBert Kreischer15:03

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      But I really feel like to develop material, to really do it right, you gotta do it in front of just regular people, people that aren't necessarily there to see you. And the beautiful thing about The Store is if there's 15 people in the lineup or 20 people in the lineup, whatever it is, all the, the, uh, how many are there to see you? T- 10%, 30%, 20%?

   6. BKBert Kreischer15:20

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:20

      Like, uh, you know, maybe they're there to see you and D'Elia and also, you know, Tom and also Christina. Like, it's, they're just comedy fans.

   8. BKBert Kreischer15:28

      They are.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:28

      They're not Bert Kreischer fans.

   10. BKBert Kreischer15:30

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:30

       Yeah. And that, that's giant. That's giant. Because those guys that, like, develop, like, that au-... I've, I've seen a few people that develop an audience and that's, uh, all their audience. And there's, they just get real complacent, real lazy. You know?

   12. BKBert Kreischer15:44

       That's the, um, those in-... I mean, I, I, I'm, I'm... I say it lightly 'cause there's some internet comics, meaning, like, YouTube comic people that do comedy now.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:53

       Mm-hmm.

   14. BKBert Kreischer15:53

       And some are good, some are good, and some are developing.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       I agree with you.

   16. BKBert Kreischer15:55

       I don't know. I wasn't saying that to be polite. But like-

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:58

       (laughs)

   18. BKBert Kreischer15:58

       But that one guy got booed off stage in Montreal because he's been performing to fans.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       Oh, well, here's the other thing about that guy. That guy goes up on a show where there's all these other comedians on, and then at the end of his set says that comedy shouldn't be about, about preaching, it should be about making people laugh, right? It shouldn't be about ethics or morals or values.

   20. BKBert Kreischer16:24

       Sexuality or race.

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       Or s- sexuality or race. It should be about making people laugh.

   22. BKBert Kreischer16:27

       People pay to forget about that stuff.

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:29

       Yeah. Bitch, you are on stage not making people laugh.

   24. BKBert Kreischer16:34

       (laughs)

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:34

       That is what you're doing.

   26. BKBert Kreischer16:35

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:36

       You silly fuck.

   28. BKBert Kreischer16:37

       (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:37

       It is one of the silliest things I've ever seen in my life. It's like, this is... And he's essentially a beginning comic.

   30. BKBert Kreischer16:45

       Open, open mic. He's maybe been doing standup three years tops.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Oh. (laughs) …

   1. BKBert Kreischer30:00

      they are and show you the video I was watching.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      Oh. (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer30:02

      So like, it's a lot of videos of you-

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      (laughs)

   5. BKBert Kreischer30:05

      ... and like h- and r- like all my friends, 'cause I w- I watch all my friends do shit. Like if Bill Burr kills it on some interview, I show that. Um, or if you like, like a lot of... I mean, a lot of them are like the interviews you have with these guys like David Attiah and, and Cam Hanes. Cam Hanes is... Like all those g- all those like really inspirational guys, I'll pull up videos of them. And then I... All of a sudden, I'll get obsessed with flash floods-

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:27

      (laughs)

   7. BKBert Kreischer30:28

      ... and fucking-

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:29

      Flash floods are scary.

   9. BKBert Kreischer30:30

      Dude, there's this guy, no joke.... like, I think I'm a good comic. This guy's better at what he does, but he tracks flash floods. And he's like, he's like on camera, like, "Okay, I'm in this valley. It's rai-... See this cloud over there? It's raining over there. It should be to us in 15 minutes, all right? We're gonna stay with it." And this guy finds a plot of land where the flash flood will run, and he can chase it, and almost follow it, follow it, hop up on the bank, and then cut a corner and get in front of it again. This guy's so good at fucking following flash floods. There is this girl. Th- this is what I find on the internet, 'cause like, I get online. There's this girl, Kimi Werner, okay? This girl is the best. I'm obsessed with spearfishing right now, and I've never-

   10. JRJoe Rogan31:08

       Spearfishing?

   11. BKBert Kreischer31:08

       ... never done it in my life. I'm s- obsessed with spear... I watch spearfishing videos, Joe, maybe eight hours a day.

   12. JRJoe Rogan31:16

       What?

   13. BKBert Kreischer31:17

       Dude, like, when I'm in bed, and you know when you're killing time, Kimi Werner. T- pull up Kimi Werner. This woman is, uh, fucking amazing. This is a picture of her swimming with a great white shark, okay?

   14. JRJoe Rogan31:27

       Dude, I've got a spearfishing woman coming on next week.

   15. BKBert Kreischer31:30

       Who?

   16. JRJoe Rogan31:31

       Valentine Thomas.

   17. BKBert Kreischer31:32

       I don't know her. I'm Googling the fuck outta her.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:34

       G- Google Valentine Thomas. She's coming on next week. She was a lawyer who, uh, quit her gig and, uh, became, uh, like, a, a, a very, uh, active and active on social media spearfisherman.

   19. BKBert Kreischer31:49

       Oh, she's beautiful. Where is she out of? Flo-... The Keys?

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:51

       She's, she's in Florida somewhere, I believe.

   21. BKBert Kreischer31:53

       Yeah, yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:53

       Yeah.

   23. BKBert Kreischer31:53

       On the, on the West Coast of Florida is a big spearfishing community, shooting a lot of hoghead groupers. By the way, this is the way I talk about something I've never fucking done.

   24. JRJoe Rogan32:01

       We should do it.

   25. BKBert Kreischer32:02

       I'm do... I'll... I'm in, I'm in.

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:03

       Let's do it. I wanna-

   27. BKBert Kreischer32:04

       I'm in.

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:04

       ... go spearfishing. Apparently, it's like hunting underwater.

   29. BKBert Kreischer32:06

       Dude, a- and see, now, now, are you ready for this? This is what is wrong with me, is that I've watched so much spearfishing, I'm gonna talk about it intimately. The thing about shooting out on the West Coast of Florida is they use a lot of Hawaiian slings, all right?

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:18

       (laughs)
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Really? …

   1. BKBert Kreischer45:00

      dream naturally and I, I have fucking ins- I have, I mean I sold a com- a se- a show to Comedy Central based on my dreams.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:07

      Really?

   3. BKBert Kreischer45:07

      I have fucking insane dreams.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      You should try... Do you know what piracetam is?

   5. BKBert Kreischer45:11

      No.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      You ever heard of that stuff? It's another nootropic. It's, uh, a real potent tr- th- one of the interesting things about nootropics is there's a ton of them. There's a lot of different ones. One of them they found recently is creatine. They found that creatine, um, boosts your, your, your mental performance. Yeah.

   7. BKBert Kreischer45:27

      Really?

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:28

      Yeah. Creatine's got a lot of benefits, man. Because you think about it, right, creatine makes your body h- retain more water as well, right? It's one of the things people don't like about it, kind of gives you like a chubby face-

   9. BKBert Kreischer45:39

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       ... like you get a little, little bloated on it. But, uh, what that's doing is, is you're just retaining more water, right? But if you have more water, uh, it also makes you stronger, like it abs- it's proven like over time taking creatine as a supplement, it's very effective. It really does make you stronger. It makes you bigger. So you gotta think like all that is like all this tissue and all this water and it's like, it's probably just everything's healthier, right? And probably the flow of everything's healthier too. The conductivity of it all. Obviously I'm not a scientist.

   11. BKBert Kreischer46:11

       Yeah. (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan46:12

       But I, but I would think that all that makes sense. Like your b- like th- your brain works terrible when it's dehydrated. Like have you ever been dehydrated and try to think?

   13. BKBert Kreischer46:20

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:20

       It's, your brain is so weak. It's incredible how much dehydration affects the way your, your brain performs. But, on the other side, it should be that, well if you're really well hydrated, your brain would probably work better. And that only makes sense.

   15. BKBert Kreischer46:38

       It's amazing how im- uh, important water is.

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:41

       Oh fuck, man, to everything.

   17. BKBert Kreischer46:43

       I got this nutritionist when I started doing the triathlon, like Men's Health covered it, like they, they're doing a documentary on it.

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:49

       What are they doing with you?

   19. BKBert Kreischer46:51

       They, uh, th- the whole triathlon, they hit me up and they're like, "Man, this guy Connor Reid, really cool guy," he's like, he's just a fan of what we do. And he's like, "Man, I love Sober October. I love you and Tommy's bets." You know? Like, and there's a lot of people as, uh, bizarre as this sounds, whatever we decided to do with these competitions, they got inspired and lost a ton of weight. And you-

   20. JRJoe Rogan47:11

       Yeah, I've, I've, I've seen a lot of that. It's awesome.

   21. BKBert Kreischer47:13

       It's been amazing, man. Like-

   22. JRJoe Rogan47:14

       It has been.

   23. BKBert Kreischer47:15

       ... and like guys are hitting me up and they're like, "I'm running my first marathon." "I'm running my first Spartan race." Um, "Me and my buddies are doing it when you're in Columbus. Can you come hang out with us?" And p- and it's r- it really is, I know Tom and I have talked about it a lot, it ju- definitely was not our intention. Like we just wanted to f- we were fucking around and then when we all did Sober October, there are, dude there are people that come up, came up to me at the triathlon, w- th- this guy Willie Nelson's his name, and he's like-

   24. JRJoe Rogan47:39

       (laughs)

   25. BKBert Kreischer47:39

       ... he's like, "Bro," he's like, "Holy shit, the Machine. I did fucking Sober October with you guys." I was like, "For real?" He's like, "Dude, no booze, no drugs. Can you fucking believe it?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I, I'm right," like we shared the same month.

   26. JRJoe Rogan47:49

       I'm doing it again. Um-

   27. BKBert Kreischer47:51

       Uh, I'll do it again.

   28. JRJoe Rogan47:52

       I'm gonna do it every October. I'm just gonna make it a thing.

   29. BKBert Kreischer47:54

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:54

       And we should do something else too. Like right now it's almost September.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:06:21

   So, you're losing- …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      I mean, it's really wasteful in a way, 'cause the outside edge, that black shit? They cut all that off.

   2. BKBert Kreischer1:00:06

      So, you're losing-

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:07

      See ... Yeah. See if you can find a video, Jamie, of, uh, trimming ... Just Google trimming dry-aged beef and look up YouTube.

   4. BKBert Kreischer1:00:15

      Were you the guy that turned me on to the guy that had his own fridge and was doing it in his own fridge in his garage?

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

      Oh, yeah, I know a bunch of guys who do that. Yeah.

   6. BKBert Kreischer1:00:22

      It's, like, a ... I think he was doing it with elk, dry-aging elk, maybe?

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

      Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I know-

   8. BKBert Kreischer1:00:25

      Or was-

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:26

      ... quite a few guys who do that. So, this is dry-aged meat. So, look at that.

   10. BKBert Kreischer1:00:29

       Oh, wow.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       He takes the outside. Look, it looks rotten, man. And he takes the outside and you, you cut into it, and then he ... I guess he's gonna cut all the fat off and he's gonna, um, turn it into, uh, steaks. Uh, what's he gonna do with all that fat? That's interesting. He's throwing it into the garbage. ... texture to it now, where it's been aged this long. So, this, uh, fat ... Is he ... What is he, throwing that away?

   12. BKBert Kreischer1:00:53

       So, he's just gotta ...

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:54

       It seems like he's throwing that fat away.

   14. BKBert Kreischer1:00:57

       ... oh, so he keeps a lot of the fat on, and the fat-

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:01:00

       Mm-hmm.

   16. BKBert Kreischer1:01:02

       ... on top-

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:01:02

       Yeah.

   18. BKBert Kreischer1:01:02

       ... is dry aged.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:01:03

       Well, everything-

   20. BKBert Kreischer1:01:03

       So he's not losing any beef on top. He's just losing the s- sides.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:06

       Well, yeah, you're losing the outside edges in this particular cut. But on some steaks, you know, it depends on how long he's dry aging it too. Like, uh, when some people go really ham with that shit, they'll, you know, like I said, they'll dry age for hundreds of days.

   22. BKBert Kreischer1:01:21

       And you can do that w-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:22

       There's a lot of experimental stuff they're doing now where, um ... I'm gonna find this dude on Instagram.

   24. BKBert Kreischer1:01:28

       Do you do that with elk?

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:29

       No, I don't. No.

   26. BKBert Kreischer1:01:31

       I gotta get you and Cam on Something's Burning.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:33

       Yeah, we'll do it.

   28. BKBert Kreischer1:01:34

       I would love that.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:35

       Cam can't cook though. You know, Dudley can. Dudley can cook his ass off.

   30. BKBert Kreischer1:01:39

       I, I'm the cook. I'll cook for you guys.

Episode duration: 1:49:44