Joe Rogan Experience #1179 - Nikki Glaser

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   ... go see a…

   1. NGNikki Glaser0:00

      ... go see a boxing match.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      Yeah.

   3. NGNikki Glaser0:02

      He doesn't even want that to be the-

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Three, two, one. We live? Uh, we're live. Yeah, we were just talking about, uh, Sober October and, uh, Ari Shpier and the, the speculation that he may be, in fact, uh, doing ... running some shenanigans.

   5. NGNikki Glaser0:18

      (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      We do not know.

   7. NGNikki Glaser0:20

      There ... it seems to be shenanigans at play here, but he's ... he went too strong the first day. I just don't ... I don't believe that you could sustain that amount of ... that heart rate for that long.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:28

      He was at 80 plus. It's interesting looking at his graph, 'cause he was at 80-plus percent of his max heart rate for more than an hour and 20 minutes, which, uh ... Look, he might just be trying to kill himself. It, it ... He's got a strong will.

   9. NGNikki Glaser0:41

      Does he?

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:41

       Yes.

   11. NGNikki Glaser0:43

       I know-

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       Yeah.

   13. NGNikki Glaser0:43

       ... he's shifty.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Sh- (laughs)

   15. NANarrator0:45

       (laughs)

   16. NGNikki Glaser0:45

       And honest. Like, the thing is, he is-

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:47

       How can he be shifty and honest?

   18. NGNikki Glaser0:49

       He's ... That's the ... He ... 'Cause he'll eventually come out with, "This is what I did and of course-

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       Right.

   20. NGNikki Glaser0:53

       ... I did that. You guys knew I was doing it the whole time." That's what he'll say, but I-

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       That's a good impression of Ari. (laughs)

   22. NGNikki Glaser0:56

       Yeah. Thank you. Oh, come on. Yeah. Of course. Of course I was gonna do that.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00

       (laughs)

   24. NGNikki Glaser1:00

       So yeah, but he is shifty and hon- ... Like, he, he, he-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:05

       He's a prankster.

   26. NGNikki Glaser1:06

       He's a prankster. He's definitely gonna do some weird stuff to get ahead in this, but he also knows he's gonna lose, too.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:13

       Yeah.

   28. NGNikki Glaser1:13

       He's-

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:13

       Do you know what he did in Ligion- Legion of Skanks?

   30. NGNikki Glaser1:15

       No. Oh, God.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   (laughs) …

   1. NGNikki Glaser15:00

      I was the worst. My worst fear did happen. I got made fun of on TV. I got eliminated first. And you know, like, being on a reality show, like have you done a reality show where it's like, "And the next to le- ... The first, the first contestant eliminated from the show." And then there's ... Dun-dun. And there's a spotlight on you and I'm staring at the stage like ... Just a slat in the stage. I'm just staring there being like, "They're gonna say Nikki and Gleb. They're gonna say Nikki and Gleb." And they ... "Nikki and Gle-" And it was just like, "I'm on a reality show right now getting eliminated." It was so surreal and it sucked.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:34

      (laughs)

   3. NGNikki Glaser15:35

      And it's ... It sucked. And I'm still f- o-obviously very much feeling it. And I loved the sh- ... I wanted to like keep going. I wanted to do different dances. I like was ready to really ... 'Cause I had just learned how to learn how to dance.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:49

      Right.

   5. NGNikki Glaser15:49

      So I had to learn how to learn how to d- 'Cause I'd never danced before in my life, never learned the Macarena. Like I was ... I took myself out of any kind of dancing, uh, uh, that was offered to me in school because I was just like, "I'm a bad dancer. I don't want anyone to make fun of me. I'll never dance." And I sign up for this show, I learn a dance, I nail it as much as I can nail something. I was very proud of myself. And then I get eliminated and it, it really ... Obviously I'm like still ... I'm just-

   6. JRJoe Rogan16:14

      Has anybody ever done it two years in a row?

   7. NGNikki Glaser16:16

      I would love to do it t- I was almost ... No. But I-

   8. JRJoe Rogan16:19

      Why don't you start taking dancing lessons?

   9. NGNikki Glaser16:22

      I would love to.

   10. JRJoe Rogan16:23

       Why don't you do that and then come back next year and shove it up that British guy's ass?

   11. NGNikki Glaser16:28

       I don't think they'd want me back.

   12. JRJoe Rogan16:29

       I bet they would.

   13. NGNikki Glaser16:30

       I-

   14. JRJoe Rogan16:31

       I bet they have a hard time getting people to do that show.

   15. NGNikki Glaser16:33

       Why did they let me go so soon then, Joe?

   16. JRJoe Rogan16:35

       (laughs)

   17. NANarrator16:35

       (laughs)

   18. NGNikki Glaser16:35

       Because it didn't feel (laughs) like it was because of my dancing. It felt ... You know when a, when you get eliminated from one of these shows that you just go, "Ugh, they don't ... Someone at the top doesn't like me. There's something else-

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:49

       Hmm.

   20. NGNikki Glaser16:49

       ... involved here. It's not America."

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:50

       That might be your own head though.

   22. NGNikki Glaser16:51

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:51

       That might be your own head.

   24. NGNikki Glaser16:53

       I mean it's ... It's probably just m- ... But out of 13 people, they liked me the least.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:58

       Well, maybe, just be- being honest-

   26. NGNikki Glaser17:01

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan17:01

       ... you had the worst performance.

   28. NGNikki Glaser17:03

       (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan17:04

       Isn't that possible? I mean, you, you, you don't da- look. I-

   30. NGNikki Glaser17:06

       I did not.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Oh, that's a really…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      right? Like, some guys like blow jobs from someone who seems like they've never done it before. That way they don't feel like they're the 90th in line.

   2. NGNikki Glaser30:06

      Oh, that's a really good point, Joe.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:08

      Mm-hmm.

   4. NGNikki Glaser30:08

      Like, you could be into a blow job that's kind of apprehensive and like-

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:11

      Right.

   6. NGNikki Glaser30:11

      ... "What am I doing?" Because that-

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:13

      Like, what are you ... How does this work? Yeah.

   8. NGNikki Glaser30:13

      They have, like, a virginal-type situation.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:16

      Yeah, like an act. Yeah, she's putting on an act. She's got pigtails on.

   10. NGNikki Glaser30:18

       I just-

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:19

       A schoolgirl outfit. "What am I doing?"

   12. NGNikki Glaser30:22

       "Wait, what are you tea- what do you do with this?"

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:24

       "Are you sure?"

   14. NGNikki Glaser30:24

       Oh, my God, my friend recently, 'cause we've talked a lot ab- me and my friend have talked a lot about how we just are insecure that we're bad at blow jobs and we've taken classes at Babeland or all these things-

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:34

       Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-

   16. NGNikki Glaser30:35

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:35

       ... wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. They t- they give out classes-

   18. NGNikki Glaser30:38

       Oh, yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       ... on how to give blow jobs? Who's teaching the classes, girls or guys?

   20. NGNikki Glaser30:42

       Uh, I think it was, like, a gay guy and-

   21. JRJoe Rogan30:44

       That's the move.

   22. NGNikki Glaser30:44

       ... a woman together.

   23. JRJoe Rogan30:45

       A gay guy.

   24. NGNikki Glaser30:46

       Oh, yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       That's what I was thinking. A gay guy should know how to suck a dick, 'cause he has one.

   26. NGNikki Glaser30:49

       I've r- read everything. I've watched tutorials. I just, it's just not getting through to me. I just-

   27. JRJoe Rogan30:54

       (laughs)

   28. NGNikki Glaser30:55

       I haven't ... I try ... And I'm not, like, bad at them. Like, I, I, I don't think I'm d- I'm bad at them, but I just ... I think I always was apprehensive because I think the first thing I heard about blow jobs was that ... The first complaint I would hear around me was too much teeth. And I've always had, like, really big teeth. And so, I'm like-

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:11

       Let me see you smile.

   30. NGNikki Glaser31:12

       I have big teeth.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   It'd be fun? (laughs)…

   1. NGNikki Glaser45:00

      thoughts, not like, "I sh- I should kill myself." It's like, "Kill yourself. It would be fun to kill yourself." They come-

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      It'd be fun? (laughs)

   3. NGNikki Glaser45:08

      Literally soothing. It soothes me to think about killing myself when I'm in my worst, uh, depressive stages. And it is a- I compare it to, like, sniffles when you're getting a cold. Like, I have a little, a little thought will go, "Oh, shoot yourself in the head."

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:23

      Whoa.

   5. NGNikki Glaser45:23

      Like, it literally comes into my head like a sniffle, where you're like, "Oh, God. I'm getting sick again. Okay, I gotta meditate now, and then it'll, and then I'll be fine." Like literally, it's like that. And-

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:35

      What, what is, what's before the, "Shoot yourself"? Nothing?

   7. NGNikki Glaser45:40

      Nothing. And that's the-

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:41

      Whoa.

   9. NGNikki Glaser45:41

      ... that's the problem, is like-

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:43

       Geez.

   11. NGNikki Glaser45:43

       ... it just is ... You know, it can be, it can be, um, pff ... It may be it's circumstantial a little bit, like maybe I'm feeling lonely that day, or, uh, uh, I didn't get a thing that I wanted, or I ... Uh, but I really do think it's like the weather. Like, it, I just can't even describe it. I remember Sarah Silverman talking about her depression, like it's like just a cloud comes over you, and you're just like, "Oh, well, here it comes," and that's kind of how it feels. And I totally have it under control when I'm meditating every day. It doesn't, I don't get a single one of those thoughts.

   12. JRJoe Rogan46:13

       Really?

   13. NGNikki Glaser46:13

       But, like, if I skip a day, if I don't do TM one day, those thoughts keep, they come in. And then if I ... And then you c- if you get into a real bad spot, you, those thoughts start ... I, and I've never even so much as made an attempt or even planned to make an attempt. Like, it's never gotten to that, even close to that for me. But, I realize that these are the same kinda thoughts that people that end up doing this start with.

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:38

       Mm-hmm.

   15. NGNikki Glaser46:38

       Like, there's some kind of, like ... I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm ... People who love me and care about me get so upset when I talk about this, but I think that more people struggle with these thoughts than talk about, so I, I'm eager to share it, because I don't think I'm ever gonna kill myself, and I don't think that that's ... But I think that, like a lot of people, I'm at risk, and I don't think that people talk about that enough.

   16. JRJoe Rogan47:03

       Right. Mm-hmm.

   17. NGNikki Glaser47:03

       That, 'cause I do have these thoughts, and I g- it's not even like I go, "What can I do to make myself feel better? Oh, I could kill myself." It literally is like, "Kill yourself." It's like a little voice or something. And I've struggled with mental illness before. I mean, I had anorexia where it was like, "Don't eat," and you're like, "Where's that? Who's that?" But it's s- it's a voice.

   18. JRJoe Rogan47:20

       Did you have, "Don't eat," because you thought you were overweight, or, "Don't eat," because you thought you'd be more attractive if you looked like-

   19. NGNikki Glaser47:26

       Oh, I mean-

   20. JRJoe Rogan47:27

       ... a, a, a rail?

   21. NGNikki Glaser47:28

       Y- I mean, it starts-

   22. JRJoe Rogan47:29

       Or was it, was it vague?

   23. NGNikki Glaser47:31

       It's-

   24. JRJoe Rogan47:31

       Was the direction vague, or was it just, like, a, an obsession?

   25. NGNikki Glaser47:34

       It, it was, it started out, like, you know, um, high school. I should be skinny. Everyone should be skinny. I admi- I, like, wanted to be a, famous someday, and I looked at, I admi- like, I idolized everyone in the magazines, the whole classic thing of, like, looking literally in magazines and being like, "I wanna look like that. I hate my s-" pinching my sides, being like, uh, "If I'm not like that, then I'm worthless." Having a mom who constantly hated her body, m- was skinnier than me and s- constantly said she was fat, and things like that.

   26. JRJoe Rogan48:01

       Mm-hmm.

   27. NGNikki Glaser48:01

       Like, where you just, you have things modeled for you, so I grew up thinking skinny equals more lovable. And then I lost weight just b- because, um, my senior year I lost weight because a boy liked me that I liked, who I liked back, and I was, like, very nervous about it. Like, you know when you just get nervous-

   28. JRJoe Rogan48:17

       Right.

   29. NGNikki Glaser48:17

       ... so you d- you can't, you don't eat that day? And I had a date with this guy. It was my first date ever, and I just, that day, I didn't eat 'cause I was just nervous. And then the next day, it showed up on me, 'cause someone goes, "You look great. What's going on?" And I was like, "Oh, I just didn't eat yesterday." Like, "I can do that again."

   30. JRJoe Rogan48:32

       So, it's basically the same thing as saying, "You're really funny."
5. 1:00:00 – 1:04:26

   Mm. …

   1. NGNikki Glaser1:00:00

      that are really painful to me, and I think that it- when I am dealing with something like that on stage, I think the pain still shows, and I can't be funny with it yet 'cause I'm still so angry. I think I'm still just, like, angry-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      Mm.

   3. NGNikki Glaser1:00:11

      ... about it because I also feel like I'm still a victim to, um, body dysmorphia, like crazy. Like, that's my new thing, where, like, I'll just see something in the mirror then I'm like, "Well, yesterday you felt the opposite." Like, what, I'll go from, in a 24-hour s- time frame, from being like, "You're fat." I'll like s- f- look in the mirror and be like, "You're fat." And then the next day I'll be like, "You're too thin." And I'm like, "Well, those two things can't be possible within 24 hours of themselves, so you're crazy."

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

      Right.

   5. NGNikki Glaser1:00:41

      So that, I mean, I'm still dealing with stuff like that, and I wanna be on the other side of it and be able to tell girls, like, "You're beautiful and your body doesn't matter, and it's what's up here that counts."

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:50

      Mm-hmm.

   7. NGNikki Glaser1:00:50

      But I don't, and I'm not, I'm not there yet, so I don't know how to g- to, to really talk about it.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

      Well, I don't think, I don't think there's one way, you know? I think everybody's got their own weird thing that's causing them to have issues, whether it's, uh, be, to be an alcoholic or to be addicted to whatever you're addicted to.

   9. NGNikki Glaser1:01:12

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:01:12

       There, everybody, it's, there's no one, you- you have to figure out the person and then figure out how this disease, or whatever it is, has sort of interfaced with that person. And what is it that happened to you that made this, this thing attractive, where it fits into your slots and, and, and distracts you from all the things that are freaking you the fuck out about your existence?

   11. NGNikki Glaser1:01:35

       Yeah. I mean, it is-

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:01:36

       Yeah.

   13. NGNikki Glaser1:01:37

       ... a coping mechanism.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:38

       I mean, that's, if it was so simple that, like, "Oh, when people are anorexic, you tell them this." And then they go, "Oh, okay." I mean, if there was, like, a protocol that you could just-... establish right away, "Oh, you just gotta take these steps and then you'll be fixed." It doesn't work. And they-

   15. NGNikki Glaser1:01:54

       I know.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:01:54

       ... might work for some people. You know what, it would, really doesn't help, you know, it doesn't help that it's so prevalent. Like there's so many people that have issu-... Like, and the other way too, like there's people that are bodybuilders that are crazy that can't, they, they-

   17. NGNikki Glaser1:02:10

       It's the same thing.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:02:11

       ... can't get big enough. It's the same thing.

   19. NGNikki Glaser1:02:12

       It is the same thing.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:02:13

       Or girls with giant fake boobs.

   21. NGNikki Glaser1:02:15

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:02:15

       That they think they need triple F boobs. Like the, the way people see themselves versus the way other people see them is very strange.

   23. NGNikki Glaser1:02:23

       (sighs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:02:23

       Yeah. You know what I've been watching? The show Botched. Have you ever watched that show?

   25. NGNikki Glaser1:02:27

       Oh, yeah. I've watched that show.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:02:28

       Ooh! Holy shit.

   27. NGNikki Glaser1:02:29

       I mean, that's the same... They don't-

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:02:31

       Yeah, same thing.

   29. NGNikki Glaser1:02:31

       ... they don't, they don't know what they're seeing.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:02:33

       They don't know what's going on.

Episode duration: 2:50:55