Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe

1. 0:00 – 2:03

   Jake’s documentary & the role of DDP in his recovery

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Here we go. Three, two, one. (claps) And we're live. Tony Hinchcliffe.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe0:07

      Hello.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Jake the fucking Snake.

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe0:10

      Yeah.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:10

      I can't believe it, man.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      In the flesh, sir.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:12

      Hey, I go- I gotta do this. What do you know, Joe?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      (laughs)

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe0:14

      You never heard that before, have you?

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:15

       I've heard it a couple times.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe0:16

       No. Sorry.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:17

       Uh, I've heard, "Hey, Joe."

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:18

       Mm-hmm.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:18

       I heard, "You shot your old lady down."

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:20

       Yeah. There you go.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:21

       Heard that a few times as well.

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:21

       There you go.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       I got to tell you, man, I watched your documentary last night.

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:24

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       And it's fantastic.

   21. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:25

       I appreciate it.

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       It is ... If that thing doesn't bring tears to your eye, you need to go to a doctor.

   23. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:30

       Yeah. You're not human, man. No, no.

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       That is ... J- t- Dallas is a fucking saint. He really is.

   25. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:36

       Hardheaded, you know? Uh, without it, I'd never made it.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       Yeah.

   27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:39

       You know, 'cause, um, you know, (laughs) us junkies, you know. We like to lie a lot, you know. (laughs) And alcoholics do too, but it was a tough, tough road, man. And he guided me through it.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       He's a- he's amazing.

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:51

       You know, he never gave up. Never gave up. And I can never thank him enough for what he's done for me and, uh, giving me my life back, and not only my life, but my family. I got my kids back 'cause they're all digging me now. I'm a great grandfather, probably the best grandfather ever.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       (laughs)
2. 2:03 – 4:17

   DDP Yoga as a recovery engine: accountability, community, and incremental change

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts2:03

      And- which is, to me, is just so amazing. And I've picked that up off of him. I search people out now in the crowd that have- are having a hard time walking or you see something going on or they're overweight and go like, "Man, you know, I'm so-and-so." And it gets me in-

   2. JRJoe Rogan2:17

      Yeah.

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts2:17

      ... using the name Jake the Snake, I can talk to 'em. "Hey, you ever thought about, um, trying some DDP Yoga, man? Because it works."

   4. JRJoe Rogan2:24

      Yeah.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts2:24

      And then, th- if you've never done it, DDP Yoga is, without a doubt, the number one thing out there for getting healthy, man. It, um ... (smacks lips) It makes your body healthy, makes your mind healthy, you know. And, uh, for him to be out there, uh, he's just a soldier.

   6. JRJoe Rogan2:40

      Yeah, he really is.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts2:41

      I mean, he pushes all day long, man. And, uh, here's a guy that- that- that could be handling it a totally different way, but he still picks up a phone and calls somebody and thanks 'em for buying the program.

   8. JRJoe Rogan2:53

      Yeah.

   9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts2:53

      Who the hell does that? Who what does that?

   10. JRJoe Rogan2:54

       Right. Who does do that?

   11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts2:55

       You know, he does it 'cause he wants to know. And the next thing you know, he's been on a 25-minute phone call and they're sending him photos with a before picture, then he wants him to look at him in the after picture, you know, six months from now. The stories, h- he's got a million of them.

   12. JRJoe Rogan3:09

       We played-

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:10

       Success stories.

   14. JRJoe Rogan3:10

       We played a video when he was in of a gentleman who was-

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:14

       A paratrooper?

   16. JRJoe Rogan3:15

       Yeah. The guy could barely walk.

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:16

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan3:16

       I mean, he had f- done a bunch of paratroop- missions.

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:20

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan3:20

       You know, parachuting out of planes and landing on his knees. His knees are destroyed, legs are destroyed, back's destroyed.

   21. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:25

       Back. Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan3:25

       Everything's fucked up. But he starts out barely can stand, barely can walk.

   23. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:31

       Two canes.

   24. JRJoe Rogan3:32

       Yeah. Two canes. By the end of the video, this guy's running.

   25. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:35

       Yeah, man.

   26. JRJoe Rogan3:36

       He's running.

   27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:37

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan3:37

       He's doing full yoga poses and it's these in-

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts3:40

       Yeah. He's an animal.

   30. JRJoe Rogan3:40

       ... incremental steps. Incremental steps, but he kept getting better, kept getting better, kept getting better. And that is ... It's so symbolic of, like, your journey in life. If you just decide to give up and decide to just fuck the world, I'm just gonna just eat and drink myself into oblivion.
3. 4:17 – 8:02

   Relapse, rehab failure, and the ‘push-ups in the corner’ metaphor

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts4:17

      See, Dallas, you know, he- he came up with the idea, him and, uh, Steve Hugh, who's a business manager, whatever, and, uh, they said, "Look, you know, we're gonna bring you back through this. We wanna film the whole thing." I'm like, "Uh, I don't know about that 'cause I got burnt bad in a film here a while back, you know." And, um, they just cut me a new one, man. (laughs) They lied to me and ... But anyway, it happens. "We're gonna film this whole thing and at the end of it if, uh, we put it together and you don't like it, it'll never go out." "Really? You're gonna give me that right? You're gonna invest this money and this time because we s- I stayed there for three and a half years 'cause it took me that long to get clean."

   2. JRJoe Rogan4:55

      Wow. That's amazing.

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts4:56

      You know, I couldn't go in for six months. I've done that. I couldn't go in for four months. I've done that. Hell, the time I went in for four months, man, I go across the stage to get my diploma, so to speak, from finishing this course and being in rehab for four months. I go out the other side and pick up a payphone and call my dealer. He meets me outside the damn door, man, with (laughs) a big rock, you know, and a stem. "Thank you."

   4. JRJoe Rogan5:20

      Damn.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:20

      "I made it." But that's the insanity of the disease.

   6. JRJoe Rogan5:23

      Mm-hmm. Yeah.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:23

      The disease will let you sit in a place for three or four months and not touch you. Won't even come knocking on your door 'cause it knows right now you're locked in. You're gonna do this. But it's over there doing push-ups in the corner, man, waiting on your ass.

   8. JRJoe Rogan5:36

      (laughs)

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe5:36

      (laughs)

   10. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:37

       "Soon as you get away from these idiots over here that are teaching you bad habits, Jake, I'm gonna get you where you need to be."

   11. JRJoe Rogan5:45

       Yeah.

   12. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:45

       And that was the thing of being there for that long period of time.

   13. JRJoe Rogan5:48

       What was the feeling like when you did slip up?

   14. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:51

       Oh, it was devastating.

   15. JRJoe Rogan5:51

       'Cause you- you slipped up a couple of times.

   16. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:53

       Yeah, four or five times I did, yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan5:54

       Yeah. What-

   18. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts5:55

       It was horrible. I wanted to die 'cause not only did I feel like I let myself down, but I let him down.And that really sucked, 'cause here's a guy that's opened up his wallet and said, "You come live with me, don't worry about your damn bills, I'll take care of 'em." Excuse me? Oh, I'm damn sure in now. (laughs) You don't have to talk twice to me about this crap. Like, "Yeah, I'm moving in with you, brother, if you're going to pay all my bills, man, while I get healthy." But I never thought it was going to take three years.

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:25

       Wow.

   20. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts6:26

       But, see, he would take, you know, like, if he had to go do a con or go do some mus- you know, go do, go do a movie or something, he had people that worked for DDP Yoga. Specifically Garrett and, uh, a young kid named, um, Dillon, who I, I really got the kid messed up, you know, because he had to share a room with me.

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:45

       (laughs)

   22. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts6:46

       And I don't wear clothes, okay?

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:48

       (laughs)

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts6:49

       And I guess it looked kind of freaky. You know, here's, here's this old wrestler that I've idolized for years and I'm seeing his junk-

   25. JRJoe Rogan6:56

       Yeah.

   26. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts6:56

       ... a- all gray hair and everything-

   27. JRJoe Rogan6:57

       All day long. (laughs)

   28. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts6:58

       ... and his junk is horrible.

   29. JRJoe Rogan6:59

       Seeing the snake and the bat.

   30. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts7:00

       And I accidentally bend over picking something up right there by his bed. I'd had no idea my asshole was in his mouth.
4. 8:02 – 11:33

   Rock-bottom reality: suicidal ideation, numbing shame, and ‘more of everything’

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts8:02

      Piss on him, screw him. He got a better card than I did. Okay? I get that. But I like my cards now, man. My cards now are awesome. My life is so good. To, to go from hell, that's where I was at, man. You have no idea what it's like to wake up and be angry that you woke up, 'cause you didn't want to. You want, you wanted it to be over. And there's been so many years that were like that for me, that I wouldn't go out shopping unless it was 3:00 AM 'cause I didn't want anybody to see me, 'cause I'd gotten to the point that I hated myself so much that I'm begging God to die. Uh, when I would hear another wrestler had died, I'd get angry at God and curse him for not taking me instead. When Piper died, we were just talking about Roddy before the show started, man, I was so pissed off that he got to go before I did. You know? (laughs) And that's just wrong, man. I mean, even when I tried to OD a couple of times, you know. Really tried. I took 100 Valium.

   2. JRJoe Rogan9:01

      Jesus Christ.

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts9:03

      You know? 110 milligram Valium. Woke up and all I've done is puke on myself. And I said, "What a fucking loser you are. You can't even diurette. You're a piece of shit." What kind of mind says that? It's a mind that's given up, man.

   4. JRJoe Rogan9:16

      Yeah.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts9:17

      The torture that people put themselves through, being an addict. People get the, have the wrong idea about this shit, man. They think, "Yeah, they're out there getting fucked up, man. They're happy." No, we're not. No, we're not happy. We're not enjoying getting high. I quit enjoying getting high 30 years ago. But the problem was, I couldn't live without it. I mean, I would feel like my heart was gonna burst. I couldn't breathe. I was scared to go anywhere. Yeah, it was horrible, man.

   6. JRJoe Rogan9:47

      Was it a- was it everything or anything? Like, what, what, what was draw- what was pulling you?

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts9:54

      What drug or what alcohol?

   8. JRJoe Rogan9:54

      Was it... Yeah, what... Was it booze? Was it pills?

   9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts9:56

      Uh, for me, it was more. (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan9:58

       Oh, it was everything. More, just more.

   11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts9:59

       More, just everything. I, I'm lucky I didn't get in- into heroin. You know, I probably wouldn't have beat that one, but, uh, yeah, I would because that's, this is what I'm meant to be doing right now. But to, to go through 25, 30 years of doing cocaine, you know... (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan10:15

       That's amazing.

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts10:16

       You know, I, I thank Vince McMahon for affording me my addiction, because without it, I'd be in prison somewhere, 'cause I would've killed somebody for my drug. No, without a doubt. I would've, you know, pfft, knifed him, whatever, man. You got, you, that guy's got an eight-ball? Watch this. Pfft. Done. Life meant nothing to me, man. And it gets to a point where you, you put yourself in such a dark hole, there is no light. None at all. And it takes somebody that's special. You couldn't have sent me to rehab right then. Wouldn't have worked. I'd have, I'd have been out in, uh, in minutes. Even when Dallas offered me to, to, to pay the whole trip and, uh, "You'll move in with me. I'm going to feed you the best damn food on the planet. We're gonna get you healthy. We're gonna get the bullshit out of your system." I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna last about a week." (laughs) You know? 'Cause I knew me and I'm like, "Dude, if I make it a week, I'm gonna be doing good." 'Cause at the time, I couldn't do 24 hours not doing cocaine.

   14. JRJoe Rogan11:17

       Wow.

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts11:17

       If you wanted me to get up outta bed, bring me some cocaine. You know?

   16. JRJoe Rogan11:21

       Wow.

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts11:22

       That's where I was at, because life was too ugly to want to go out there.

   18. JRJoe Rogan11:28

       When did it start? Did it start when your pro wrestling career started-

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts11:32

       Yeah, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan11:32

       ... or was it going on before then?

5. 11:33 – 18:07

   Origins of addiction: family trauma, morphine-to-alcohol cycle, and early drinking

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts11:33

      Uh, no. Uh, the cocaine and alcohol, alcohol was always there. I mean, I started drinking when I was 11 or 12.

   2. JRJoe Rogan11:42

      Whoa.

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts11:43

      My, uh, grandfather was an alcoholic. Um, drug addict/drug addict. 'Cause it started with an oil field accident. He got his legs crushed and, uh, he refused to have his legs cut off, so he stayed in the hospital for 18 months. Well, back in the 1920s, the way that they fixed you was let it heal, then rebreak it.

   4. JRJoe Rogan12:05

      Oh.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:06

      You know, that's what they did. They didn't put bars and metal in there to straighten it out. They'd let it heal, then they'd rebreak it a different way.

   6. THTony Hinchcliffe12:14

      Oh, Jesus.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:14

      And they kept him ad- kept him on morphine for a year and a half. Well, at the end of a year and a half, they patted him on the back and said, "See ya." He had a little itch going on there, didn't he? (laughs)

   8. GCGuest (Jake/ Tony side comment)12:25

      Yeah.

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe12:25

      Could he walk after that?

   10. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:27

       He could walk.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe12:28

       So it worked, but it took a year and a half.

   12. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:30

       To a point, but till he got hooked up on morphine.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe12:32

       Yeah.

   14. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:32

       Which back then, it wasn't like today you can get it on any corner.

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe12:36

       Right.

   16. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:37

       He went to alcohol. I remember in the '60s, which is 40 years later, they not trusting him to come to the doctor's office. Well, they didn't trust him to take the pill. The pill, the pill being, um, oh my God, what's it called? Keep you from drinking, um, Antabuse.

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe12:57

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts12:58

       You know, if you take an Antabuse pill, you're not gonna drink by it. Except he did. I, I mean, I've drank on Antabuse when it's been like two days since I'd had the pill and I have a drink. Brother, you have no idea how scary that shit is 'cause immediately you start throwing up and you start pissing and shitting your pants. It happens that quick. And then you have to start with the sweats and all this, and you'll wind up on the floor doing the heebie-jeebies, man. That's how strong Antabuse is. Well, they didn't even trust him to take the pill. They said, "No, no, you, you take a taxi to the doctor's office and we'll give you a shot 'cause we know you're not gonna take that pill." So he'd do that every morning.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe13:42

       Wow.

   20. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts13:42

       Then he'd go outside and get in the same taxi. And because we lived in a dry county, he would take that same taxi over to the next county and get a fifth of whiskey. Drink it before he got home. Now the rest of his day is spent shitting and puking.

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe14:01

       Wow.

   22. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts14:02

       But yet tomorrow, he's gonna do the same thing.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe14:05

       Oh my God.

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts14:06

       That's the hell. You know, I was doing the c- doing, you know, doing the coke and stuff, man. I'm hating myself the whole time I do it. I'm not getting high anymore, and I can't put it down. I can't turn away from it 'cause there's hope in that. What's to hope for? No more pain.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe14:26

       So just that it numbs you.

   26. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts14:27

       No more shame. That's what it numbed me from is the shame. You know, shame is something you put on yourself, you know? You can't shame me, man. I have to do it myself. But man, it was there, man. And because I'd went through some ugly shit as a kid, being sexually molested, my sister being molested too, and then my sister kidnapped and murdered, and we got all these things thrown in there. And I was hating myself 'cause I didn't protect my sister better. Hmm, you know, just, you know, you get... Life happens. What do you do with it? That's one of the things that Dallas preaches, you know? Is about you got all this stuff out there, man, it's gonna come at you. It's what you do with it that counts. You know, you don't deflect it. No, you bring it to you. You chew it up, you spit it out, and you sorta sift through the bullshit and you go on. That's something I couldn't do 'cause then it got personal to me, and I would lock down. I'd shut up 'cause that's how I handled things. I just didn't talk about it. When you've been sexually molested, there is no good moment, man. And that screwed my head up, and it still messes with my head. I desperately, desperately want to have a relationship with a woman. You know, a true relationship, finally, at 63. Because I did have relationships before, but I was constantly sabotaging them because I didn't trust women. Because the last one, she raped me and beat me and threatened me and told... Uh, my dad killed me because, you know, my dad was seven foot and weighed 425 pounds, so he could get the job done. But I just wanted my dad to be proud of me, so all these things are factoring in.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe16:19

       Mm-hmm.

   28. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts16:19

       I'm keeping quiet while the wife beats me and reminds me to do her and then beats me afterwards. Dude, sex ain't sex if you're doing it like that. That's called rape. And that shit screws your head up for life. Now, what do you do with it? Well, as a kid, I hid that shit, man. I stuffed it away. I didn't talk about that. Are you kidding me?

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe16:40

       When did you start talking about it?

   30. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts16:41

       I remember the first time talking about it to a high school buddy of mine. He said, "You're so fucking lucky, man. Your, your stepmother's so fucking hot." And she was hot, she's 22 years old, 'cause my father's a child molester for Christ's sake. Of course she was hot. But it wasn't hot to me because that's my mom. No. And then the beatings afterwards, that fucking confuses you.
6. 18:07 – 23:24

   Wrestling’s grind, pain tolerance, and drug ‘wiring’ (Percocet + coffee to the gym)

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:07

      drugs that put you to sleep wake me up, you know? Downers wake me up.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe18:15

      Like how so?

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:17

      Are you wired? (nose blowing)

   4. JRJoe Rogan18:18

      Really?

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:19

      You give me five Percocet, brother, I'll drink a case of beer and dance all night for you.

   6. JRJoe Rogan18:25

      Really? (laughs)

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:25

      Go out and have three or four wrestling matches.

   8. JRJoe Rogan18:28

      (laughs)

   9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:28

      Let's go to the ... If, if I take ... Let me explain. When I messed my neck up in '89, when the honky hit me in the guitar, when I wanted to go to the gym, my regimen was to wake up, go downstairs, start the coffee maker, take two mi- 10 milligram Percocet, throw 'em in my mouth, chew 'em up, (chewing noises) and wash 'em down with coffee then hit the gym.

   10. JRJoe Rogan18:51

       Jesus.

   11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:52

       I loved it 'cause I was on fire, man. Plus, the Percocet made me a little gnarly, made me wanna punch shit, you know?

   12. JRJoe Rogan18:59

       Really?

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:00

       So you get a good workout in then, couldn't you?

   14. JRJoe Rogan19:02

       From Percocets?

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:03

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan19:03

       That's-

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:03

       That's how screwed up my wiring is.

   18. JRJoe Rogan19:06

       That is so-

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:07

       You talk to any drug, and they'll tell you their wiring's fucked up.

   20. JRJoe Rogan19:10

       Yeah.

   21. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:10

       Things that make you go to sleep wake me up. Things that wake you up put me to sleep.

   22. JRJoe Rogan19:16

       So the, the pain of pro wrestling, which is probably one of the most brutal professions-

   23. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:21

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan19:21

       ... that a person can embark in-

   25. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:22

       Right.

   26. JRJoe Rogan19:22

       ... and think about all the days that you were on the road, all the many, many matches-

   27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:27

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan19:28

       ... all that physical pain probably justified the drugs even more.

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:34

       I didn't care.

   30. JRJoe Rogan19:35

       You didn't care? About the pain?
7. 23:24 – 30:47

   The snake logistics: flying reptiles, swapping ‘Damien,’ and smuggling stories

   1. JRJoe Rogan23:24

      Now, the snake, did ... Was the snake a problem when you would get on planes and shit?

   2. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:28

      Fuck, yeah. It's a problem 24/7, you know.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe23:31

      Would you keep it secret, or would they let you on the plane with it?

   4. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:33

      Oh, I never said anything to anybody, you know.

   5. THTony Hinchcliffe23:35

      You just brought it?

   6. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:36

      Uh, no. I just, uh, I put it in a trunk-

   7. THTony Hinchcliffe23:38

      Uh-huh.

   8. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:39

      ... and then I put a blanket around the, the bag and then locked the trunk.

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe23:43

      Did you carry it on, or would you check it?

   10. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:45

       No, no. Check it.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe23:45

       Wow!

   12. JRJoe Rogan23:46

       That poor fucking snake.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe23:48

       (laughs)

   14. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:48

       Yeah, no shit.

   15. JRJoe Rogan23:49

       That snake's like, "Why is it so cold in here?"

   16. THTony Hinchcliffe23:51

       (laughs)

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:51

       Well, 'cause you're 40,000 feet off the ground, you dumb fucker.

   18. JRJoe Rogan23:54

       "What's this goddamn noise?" (laughs)

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe23:55

       Wow.

   20. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts23:55

       Yeah. Well, the snake, man, the thing is, you know, you laugh about it. It's like, wait a minute. I gotta trade the snake out after 10 days? "Yeah, they can't take it." I'm like, "Really?" So a fucking snake can't live through the fucking, uh, scheduling, but yet I'm asked to do 90 fucking days straight?

   21. JRJoe Rogan24:13

       So you had different snakes?

   22. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts24:14

       Yeah. Yeah, about every 10 days, which used to really be funny-

   23. JRJoe Rogan24:17

       (laughs)

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts24:17

       ... 'cause people say, "Did you bring Damien?" I'm like, "Have you noticed that Damien some weeks is five foot shorter than other weeks?"

   25. JRJoe Rogan24:22

       (laughs)

   26. THTony Hinchcliffe24:22

       (laughs)

   27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts24:23

       It's not shrinkage, honey.

   28. JRJoe Rogan24:25

       (laughs)

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe24:26

       Man.

   30. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts24:26

       Yeah, yeah.
8. 30:47 – 38:34

   Macho Man cobra incident: how it really happened (and why it looked so real)

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:47

      Le- let me tell you the real story on this whole fucking thing.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe30:50

      Yeah, I'd love that.

   3. Ooh, okay.

   4. Yeah.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:51

      You wanna hear this joke?

   6. THTony Hinchcliffe30:52

      Yes.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:52

      All right, here's how it really went down.

   8. THTony Hinchcliffe30:54

      Whoo. (laughs)

   9. Okay. (laughs)

   10. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:56

       All right.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe30:56

       I've been waiting 30 years for this. (laughs)

   12. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:58

       I got the, I got the ... You know, I'm, I'm done with the python, because that motherfucker, to tell you the truth, it killed me. You know, it weighed 100 pounds and then he would bite me and then there'd be 30, 40 stitches. That was 30 something stitches there on that-

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe31:09

       Really?

   14. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:09

       Yeah.

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe31:10

       Oh my God.

   16. Damn it.

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:11

       He got the vein. And what really weird-

   18. THTony Hinchcliffe31:13

       Oh, man.

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:14

       ... is the snake actually committed suicide that night.

   20. THTony Hinchcliffe31:17

       Look at that shit.

   21. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:18

       It's cool, isn't it?

   22. THTony Hinchcliffe31:19

       I mean, this was-

   23. And Macho Man just handles it.

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:21

       Okay, well-

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe31:21

       Look at that thing.

   26. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:22

       He goes. "Ararara."

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe31:22

       He got a, a better bite. He's a tough motherfucker, but just doing-

   28. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:24

       I, I, I reached down there. I reached down there and went, "Mach, you're doing a great job, kid."

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe31:28

       Yeah, yeah.

   30. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts31:28

       He's like, "Fuck you."
9. 38:34 – 1:08:22

   Snake-world absurdities: snake handler ‘Albert,’ venom bites, and escaped Komodo dragon

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts38:34

      Uh, we had a guy, we had a guy in, uh, Stamford, Connecticut. He was Charles Manson revisited. This guy was a freak. Brother.

   2. JRJoe Rogan38:44

      Stamford, Connecticut's a weird place.

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts38:45

      Okay. He had a farm in town, Connecticut.

   4. JRJoe Rogan38:49

      What?

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts38:49

      And they did not know-

   6. JRJoe Rogan38:50

      In Stamford?

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts38:51

      ... that he had over a thousand snakes in that farm, on that building. And about 150 of 'em are poisonous.

   8. JRJoe Rogan38:57

      Oh, Jesus.

   9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts38:58

      'Cause he was collecting venom for different, for different pharmaceutical companies. But, uh, I remember one time having to get a snake from him and he flew it to, um, Omaha, and you know, he'd been working with me for a couple of years and I said, "Albert, man, I'm gonna take care of you tonight, bro." He goes, "Wh- what is it, Jake?" Like, "I'm gonna take you to the strip joint." He's like, "Well, that's not necessary." I'm like, "I know it's not necessary, man, but-"

   10. THTony Hinchcliffe39:22

       It's not necessary. (laughs)

   11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts39:22

       "... hey, brother, let me take you out." So we get there, man, and he's just kinda like sitting there with his head down towards the table looking at his beer, he hadn't drank much of it, and I'm like, "I gotta get this motherfucker going," you know? So I says, "Dude, you pick her out, if she'll take a price, I'll pay for it." In other words, "I'm gonna buy some pussy." He goes, uh, "No, Jake, uh, just gonna dig my snakes, man."

   12. JRJoe Rogan39:46

       Whoa.

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts39:47

       "Excuse me?" "I just wanna go back to the room and play with my snakes, man. I just kinda like, I like to do." "Okay, I'm gonna change rooms, uh, put 'em on a different floor."

   14. JRJoe Rogan39:58

       (laughs)

   15. THTony Hinchcliffe39:58

       (laughs) Wow.

   16. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts39:59

       Yeah, yeah.

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe39:59

       Wow.

   18. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts40:00

       He was a real freakazoid, man.

   19. JRJoe Rogan40:01

       Just into snakes. Is he still alive?

   20. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts40:03

       Yeah, he is. He was in, uh, Florida when that bad hurricane hit down there, and he was working in a gator farm and-

   21. JRJoe Rogan40:09

       (laughs)

   22. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts40:10

       ... poisonous snake venom collection point.

   23. JRJoe Rogan40:13

       Wow.

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts40:13

       And they had like 800 snakes down there, right? So the hurricane hits and just fucking levels the place. Well, I'm calling for days trying to get ahold of him, see if he's all right. And I finally get ahold of him, you know, I'm like, "Dude, why are you so fucking happy?" He goes, "I'm having the best time of my life, man. This is fucking like God's made this especially for me." I'm like, "What are you talking about?" He goes, "I get to find all those snakes." I'm like, "You get to find them? Let me think. You're gonna dig through all that shit..." Sorry. "All that shit, and, uh, lift up stuff and stick your hand down in holes and shit to find these poisonous snakes?"

   25. JRJoe Rogan40:47

       Poisonous snakes.

   26. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts40:48

       "Yeah, man, it's cool-"

   27. JRJoe Rogan40:48

       In a level.

   28. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts40:49

       "... isn't it, it's cool, isn't it?" I'm like, "Fuck you, Albert. You're fucked up, man."

   29. JRJoe Rogan40:52

       What is it with Florida and snakes?

   30. THTony Hinchcliffe40:55

       (laughs)
10. 1:08:22 – 1:18:44

    Andre the Giant: traveling with a legend and the brutal comedy of size

    1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:08:22

       Ooh. I, I... Brother, I loved the Giant to death, man. I mean, when I first got into wrestling, I was refereeing like in 1974 or so. And they came to me and they said, "Look, you're not refereeing tomorrow night, but we want you to drive Andre around." Why?

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:08:40

       So you were a referee before you were a pro wrestler?

    3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:08:42

       Right, right.

    4. THTony Hinchcliffe1:08:42

       Wow.

    5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:08:42

       Which is actually the best way to start.

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:08:44

       'Cause you get a feel of it?

    7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:08:45

       You get a feel of it. You, you learn how to feel people and you learn how to judge people.

    8. THTony Hinchcliffe1:08:50

       Oh.

    9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:08:50

       You learn how to read people, you know, in the... in, in the crowd, you can read them. But, um, so I got the, uh, take care of Andre thing. They give me a van, said, "Andre will sit in the back." Got him a beanbag chair. Just take him to the building, he'll do his thing. Give him a ride back to the hotel. Cool, 70 miles, no problem. 80 miles, whatever. So we get through with the show and he's like, "Beer." Okay. He talks, he walks, he... (laughs) You know. So I stop and get him beer. I'm like, "I'm gonna get a six-pack my damn self there, Andre." And he goes, "Two cases." It's an 85-mile trip, man. "Um, yeah, two cases." I'm like, "Fuck."

    10. JRJoe Rogan1:09:29

        Two cases?

    11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:09:30

        I guess he wants some for his room, right? So we get back in the van, we start driving. I don't know about you guys, man, but back even when I drank, until I get into that first third or fourth hour, I gotta piss like every time I have a beer, I gotta piss. I don't really buy beer, I just rent it, you know? (laughing)

    12. THTony Hinchcliffe1:09:48

        (laughs)

    13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:09:48

        I rent it, then I go get rid of it. But so after, you know, 30 miles, I pull, "Hey, Andre, sorry, I gotta piss." You know, I get out, I piss, get back in the van. He don't... No, nothing, "Beer." "Okay, take it easy." I'm fucking... I hear, I hear the top keep pop, pop, popping. I'm like, "He's fucking with me. He's fucking with me." We get a little closer, I gotta piss again. Finally get there, gets out and says, "I'll get you a beer." He goes, "Finished." "What? You drank 48 beers?" "Yeah." "Yeah, right, you know, fuck off. Fuck off, you big goof," you know. (laughs) And he leaves. I get in the... I get in there, first thing I do, I'm checking with my hand to make sure I'm not putting my hand in piss 'cause I figured this motherfucker never gone out to piss. He drank two cases of beer and did not have to piss. I don't care if you outdrink me, but damn it, how can you do that? I mean, I felt so inadequate. (laughing)

    14. THTony Hinchcliffe1:10:42

        (laughs)

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:10:42

        (laughs)

    16. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:10:43

        You know? This guy drank 48 beers and didn't piss.

    17. THTony Hinchcliffe1:10:47

        48 beers in 80 miles?

    18. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:10:48

        Yeah.

    19. THTony Hinchcliffe1:10:48

        That's insane.

    20. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:10:49

        Oh, that was nothing. Brother, his hand would cover that beer up. That's how big his hands were. Just an amazing athlete and an amazing man. And to be in the ring with him was... (sighs) He was unbelievable.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:11:02

        When Hulk Hogan hoisted him up in the air- Look at the pho- look at that photo, of him with a regular sized can of beer.

    22. THTony Hinchcliffe1:11:09

        Yeah.

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:11:09

        That is insane.

    24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:11:11

        (laughs) Doesn't even look real.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:11:12

        That doesn't look real.

    26. THTony Hinchcliffe1:11:14

        It's a 12 ounce.

    27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:11:15

        Yeah.

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:11:16

        Yeah, that's a 12 ounce beer-

    29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:11:17

        Yeah.

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:11:17

        ... and it just vanishes inside his head. See if you can find that video of when Hulk Hogan picks him up over his head.

Episode duration: 2:08:24