Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Here we go. Three,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Here we go. Three, two, one. (claps) And we're live. Tony Hinchcliffe.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe0:07

      Hello.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Jake the fucking Snake.

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe0:10

      Yeah.

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:10

      I can't believe it, man.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      In the flesh, sir.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:12

      Hey, I go- I gotta do this. What do you know, Joe?

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      (laughs)

   9. THTony Hinchcliffe0:14

      You never heard that before, have you?

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:15

       I've heard it a couple times.

   11. THTony Hinchcliffe0:16

       No. Sorry.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:17

       Uh, I've heard, "Hey, Joe."

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:18

       Mm-hmm.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:18

       I heard, "You shot your old lady down."

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:20

       Yeah. There you go.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:21

       Heard that a few times as well.

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:21

       There you go.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       I got to tell you, man, I watched your documentary last night.

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:24

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       And it's fantastic.

   21. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:25

       I appreciate it.

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       It is ... If that thing doesn't bring tears to your eye, you need to go to a doctor.

   23. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:30

       Yeah. You're not human, man. No, no.

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       That is ... J- t- Dallas is a fucking saint. He really is.

   25. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:36

       Hardheaded, you know? Uh, without it, I'd never made it.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       Yeah.

   27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:39

       You know, 'cause, um, you know, (laughs) us junkies, you know. We like to lie a lot, you know. (laughs) And alcoholics do too, but it was a tough, tough road, man. And he guided me through it.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       He's a- he's amazing.

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts0:51

       You know, he never gave up. Never gave up. And I can never thank him enough for what he's done for me and, uh, giving me my life back, and not only my life, but my family. I got my kids back 'cause they're all digging me now. I'm a great grandfather, probably the best grandfather ever.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       (laughs)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts15:00

      you know, you get... Life happens. What do you do with it? That's one of the things that Dallas preaches, you know? Is about you got all this stuff out there, man, it's gonna come at you. It's what you do with it that counts. You know, you don't deflect it. No, you bring it to you. You chew it up, you spit it out, and you sorta sift through the bullshit and you go on. That's something I couldn't do 'cause then it got personal to me, and I would lock down. I'd shut up 'cause that's how I handled things. I just didn't talk about it. When you've been sexually molested, there is no good moment, man. And that screwed my head up, and it still messes with my head. I desperately, desperately want to have a relationship with a woman. You know, a true relationship, finally, at 63. Because I did have relationships before, but I was constantly sabotaging them because I didn't trust women. Because the last one, she raped me and beat me and threatened me and told... Uh, my dad killed me because, you know, my dad was seven foot and weighed 425 pounds, so he could get the job done. But I just wanted my dad to be proud of me, so all these things are factoring in.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe16:19

      Mm-hmm.

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts16:19

      I'm keeping quiet while the wife beats me and reminds me to do her and then beats me afterwards. Dude, sex ain't sex if you're doing it like that. That's called rape. And that shit screws your head up for life. Now, what do you do with it? Well, as a kid, I hid that shit, man. I stuffed it away. I didn't talk about that. Are you kidding me?

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe16:40

      When did you start talking about it?

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts16:41

      I remember the first time talking about it to a high school buddy of mine. He said, "You're so fucking lucky, man. Your, your stepmother's so fucking hot." And she was hot, she's 22 years old, 'cause my father's a child molester for Christ's sake. Of course she was hot. But it wasn't hot to me because that's my mom. No. And then the beatings afterwards, that fucking confuses you.

   6. THTony Hinchcliffe17:06

      (laughs)

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts17:06

      So you got, you got all this shit going, man. So you start looking for a way out. And for me as a kid, my grandfather would get drunk and forget where he hid his liquor 'cause he had to hide it from my grandmother 'cause she knew what it was. She had dealt with him for 50 years. So every time she found a bottle on the farm, she had to break it and that's it. So he'd hide it in the chicken house, different places. Well, me and my buddies from across the street would go out and find it and we'd drink it. 12 years old, 11 years old. And then we got smart and started selling it to the other neighborhood kids, you know, make a buck. That was my beginning with drinking, man. And, uh, you know, as time goes on, man, you start smoking weed, uh, and the pills. What else is next? 'Cause I'm still not forgetting. I'm still remembering this shit. And you go out and you try to have a good time with people, and, and then you realize something's different than you. Because drugs that put you to sleep wake me up, you know? Downers wake me up.

   8. THTony Hinchcliffe18:15

      Like how so?

   9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:17

      Are you wired? (nose blowing)

   10. JRJoe Rogan18:18

       Really?

   11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:19

       You give me five Percocet, brother, I'll drink a case of beer and dance all night for you.

   12. JRJoe Rogan18:25

       Really? (laughs)

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:25

       Go out and have three or four wrestling matches.

   14. JRJoe Rogan18:28

       (laughs)

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:28

       Let's go to the ... If, if I take ... Let me explain. When I messed my neck up in '89, when the honky hit me in the guitar, when I wanted to go to the gym, my regimen was to wake up, go downstairs, start the coffee maker, take two mi- 10 milligram Percocet, throw 'em in my mouth, chew 'em up, (chewing noises) and wash 'em down with coffee then hit the gym.

   16. JRJoe Rogan18:51

       Jesus.

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts18:52

       I loved it 'cause I was on fire, man. Plus, the Percocet made me a little gnarly, made me wanna punch shit, you know?

   18. JRJoe Rogan18:59

       Really?

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:00

       So you get a good workout in then, couldn't you?

   20. JRJoe Rogan19:02

       From Percocets?

   21. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:03

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan19:03

       That's-

   23. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:03

       That's how screwed up my wiring is.

   24. JRJoe Rogan19:06

       That is so-

   25. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:07

       You talk to any drug, and they'll tell you their wiring's fucked up.

   26. JRJoe Rogan19:10

       Yeah.

   27. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:10

       Things that make you go to sleep wake me up. Things that wake you up put me to sleep.

   28. JRJoe Rogan19:16

       So the, the pain of pro wrestling, which is probably one of the most brutal professions-

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts19:21

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan19:21

       ... that a person can embark in-
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   He's done. …

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe30:00

      goddamn heart attack. I bet you if you had a heart rate monitor on him-

   2. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:02

      He's done.

   3. THTony Hinchcliffe30:02

      ... he'd be like 180 beats per minute.

   4. I had the, a conversation with one of my good friends, Pete. You know Pete? When he saw this, when he-

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:08

      You have a good friend. Well, that's the first great question Iwanna ask you.

   6. THTony Hinchcliffe30:12

      But check out-

   7. (laughs)

   8. This is, this is the kind of quality friend I have, is-

   9. It's a weed dealer.

   10. ... when he saw this-

   11. (laughs) He is.

   12. When I s- when he saw this as a kid, all on the same day that I saw it, he ran away from home. It freaked him out so badly. When you put the snake on Macho Man's arm-

   13. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:27

       Yeah, yeah.

   14. THTony Hinchcliffe30:27

       ... he packed it ... He didn't even have anywhere to go.

   15. (laughs)

   16. He ended up coming home later that night after it got cold.

   17. (laughs)

   18. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:33

       Poor kid.

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe30:33

       He packed a bag and just left.

   20. How old was he?

   21. Oh, jeez. I mean, I got to ... It probably, probably, probably, I gue- I would guess t- you know, 11, 12, something like that.

   22. Eh. (laughs)

   23. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:44

       300 kids are raped that day because of Jake, right? Okay.

   24. THTony Hinchcliffe30:47

       Oh, no.

   25. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:47

       Le- let me tell you the real story on this whole fucking thing.

   26. THTony Hinchcliffe30:50

       Yeah, I'd love that.

   27. Ooh, okay.

   28. Yeah.

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts30:51

       You wanna hear this joke?

   30. THTony Hinchcliffe30:52

       Yes.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:00

      was found running across the backyard of Ms. Gibbet's house-

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:03

      (laughs)

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:04

      ... chasing her poor little poodle."

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe45:06

      (coughs)

   5. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:07

      "When we get back, see our monster."

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:10

      Wow.

   7. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:10

      So they come back and I'm sitting there going, "What the fuck? Thought to be prehistoric? I, I got, got to see this shit." And the fucking thing comes back up. I'm like, "That's fucking Albert's fucking thing, man."

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:21

      (laughs)

   9. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:21

      It's the thing that had escaped two months later.

   10. THTony Hinchcliffe45:23

       Yeah.

   11. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:24

       It had gained, like, 35 pounds.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:26

       Oh, Jesus. It probably ate everybody's dogs.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe45:27

       (laughs)

   14. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:27

       'Cause he's, he's eating everybody's dogs and cats in the neighborhood, man.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       Oh, wow.

   16. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:30

       Probably a couple of kids too, who knows?

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:32

       That is such a ruthless animal. You know, those things-

   18. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:34

       Oh, my God.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:34

       ... are so ruthless that the little baby Komodo dragons-

   20. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:37

       They-

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:37

       ... smear shit on themselves so that the grownups don't eat them-

   22. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:40

       Yeah, wow.

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       ... so that their parents don't eat them. They roll around in shit so that their parents don't eat them because, uh, when Komodo dragons are eating intestines, they shake the shit-

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:51

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:51

       ... out of intestines.

   26. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:52

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       They don't like to eat shit, as weird as that is.

   28. THTony Hinchcliffe45:56

       Good lord.

   29. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts45:56

       See, that's just bad attitude.

   30. GIGuest (very brief interjection)45:58

       (laughs)
5. 1:00:00 – 1:13:27

   He's…

   1. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:00:51

      do it.

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe1:01:02

      He's

   3. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:03

      ... then I had to fess up to Dallas what was going like, "Dude, dude, dude, dude." (laughs) You know? "You gotta find that motherfucker. My wife will be home, be home in 20 minutes." I'm like, "What? Holy shit." You know, I'll fight any man, but a fucking woman? Hell no. They will fuck you up.

   4. GIGuest (very brief interjection)1:01:16

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:01:16

      (laughs)

   6. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:16

      I run from women. They fuck you up, man. They wait till you're asleep and shit, fucking come fuck you up again.

   7. GIGuest (very brief interjection)1:01:22

      (laughs)

   8. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:23

      'Cause, 'cause we have dicks, we think, you know, they love me 'cause of my dick or whatever. And, and you give them an in 'cause they're going, "I want to hear you so much," and then you fall asleep. They're going, "Axe murderer, axe murder, here we go."

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:01:32

      Whoa.

   10. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:33

       I've been married three times.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:01:33

       Your experience is very different than mine.

   12. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:35

       Well, I've had three successful marriages.

   13. GIGuest (very brief interjection)1:01:38

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:38

       (laughs)

   15. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:39

       Nobody died.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:01:41

       (coughs)

   17. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:41

       I did 13 years with my first wife, 13 years with my second wife, four months with my third. So I'm getting better. I'm a lot better.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:01:49

       But it sounds like you're talking about prison. "I did 13 years."

   19. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:53

       Yeah. (laughs)

   20. GIGuest (very brief interjection)1:01:53

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:53

       Whenever someone says about marriage-

   22. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:54

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:54

       ... "I did 13 years." That's like Sam Kinison in 86.

   24. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:01:57

       Well, that goes, that goes back to my experience.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:59

       Right.

   26. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:02:00

       You know, and my experience is, unfortunately, 'cause of what I've been through, I let a woman get this close to me, we're about to get starting to getting real, wha- which is what I really want, but then I gotta push you back 'cause motherfuckers-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:02:12

       Right, can't handle it.

   28. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:02:13

       I can't handle it. I, I, I'm gonna get-

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:02:15

       I wanna get back to this, but I wanna find out-

   30. JRJake "The Snake" Roberts1:02:16

       100%: Yeah.

Episode duration: 2:08:24