Joe Rogan Experience #1223 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Greg Fitzsimmons is a writer and stand-up comedian. He also hosts a podcast with Alison Rosen called "Childish" that is available now on iTunes & Stitcher.

Joe RoganhostGreg Fitzsimmonsguest

Jan 12, 20193h 19mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,003 words

0:00 – 3:14
Rebuilding the JRE studio vibe and nerding out over writers’ desks
1. NANarrator
  (knocking) Two.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  That's it? Wow. A- a two count from young Jamie.
3. NANarrator
  Ah.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
5. NANarrator
  Messing with the buttons and hit the wrong one.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
7. NANarrator
  Sorry.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Gregory, how are you, fella?
9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Joe Rogan, always a pleasure to be back in the ... What I love is that you kept the studio the same as the old one, 'cause the vibe was perfect.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  I tried to recreate it.
11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  I felt like as long as we had the desk, we have the heart.
13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yep.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  We have the heart of the studio. The rest of it's just stuff.
15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  And Jamie, the heart.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  And Jamie.
17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Fucking guy does-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  And we need, um ... There's something about, uh, I, I, I really think that when you use a desk for a long time, there's something about desks. Like if you found out like Hunter S. Thompson's desk was for sale-
19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you'd be like, "Holy shit."
21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Fuck yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  "I wanna get my hands on that thing."
23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Like that's got some ooze.
25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  You know he wrote on this?
27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Holy shit.
29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, nice old, one of those old like-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
3:14 – 7:33
Hemingway’s toughness, old-school skiing, and the reality of aging knees
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Hemingway's house and hangouts preserved in Havana. Wow. So they preserved where he lived.
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  And I wonder if that's where he killed himself. I think he was in Cuba when he killed himself.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow. Yeah, man, his, um, his style of writing and like that whole bravado that went with him, he was a different cat. It was like a, a ... You thought of him as like an aggressive male writer. Like that's an odd thing, like Hemingway.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  You know he was aggressive.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  He wasn't ... I mean, even Stephen King for all his most horrific depictions of violence and gore and, and terror in his books, he's not thought of as like this imposing physical thing.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Well, Hemingway was in the war.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  You know?
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  He, uh-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  There's his, his elderly age.
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  He was, uh, he used to go skiing in the winter in, uh, I think it was Switzerland, and they would all, uh ... There was no chair lifts back then so you would fucking grab your 50-pound skis and walk up the side of the Alps-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Jesus Christ.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... for like a half a day to take one fucking run. And he would do that every day.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  That must be amazing for you.
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Goddamn. The kind of exercise, like carrying skis uphill in the snow.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  That's incredible exercise. Like I bet they, they were jacked. I bet those skiers from the olden days-
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... they had to be like crazy athletes.
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah. And the skis were long back then.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  (coughs)
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  They were like twice as long as they are now.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  When did anybody figure out a ski lift?
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I don't know, but I mean Hemingway would've been skiing in what, the 1930s?
29. NANarrator
  1927.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Goddamn, dude.
7:33 – 11:03
PRP and Regenokine/orthokine: injecting your own blood to heal injuries
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Have you, um, ever thought about getting like, PRP or Regenakene or anything into it?
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Oh, no. What's that?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, PRP is, uh, platelet-rich plasma. And what they do is they take your blood and there's some sort of a process they do, and they separate it, and then they take this platelet-rich plasma and they inject it into the wounded area and accelerates healing.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  A lot of people have really good results with that.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  And then there's this stuff called Regenakene that's like platelet-rich plasma, but it's apparently the next step up. And what they do is they heat your blood, and by heating it, it produces some... Um, um, for sure, if you're a doctor, I'm so sorry that I'm butchering this. (laughs)
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
9. JRJoe Rogan
  If you're a scientist... But I think it produces some sort of, uh, anti-inflammatory serum because your blood is reacting to the heat.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Here's the... Here, here it explains. I've had this done and it's, it was really effective.
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Really?
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Serum removed from the layer and cultured with glass beads so that a white bl- white blood cells produce IRAP, which is a natural anti-inflammatory.
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Glass beads going into your knee?
15. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't understand what that's saying. It says serum is removed from this layer and cultured with glass beads.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Oh, okay.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  So, it's removed after the platelet-rich plasma. So, they make-
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  ... the platelet-rich plasma, they get the serum, and then they, and then they culture it so that the white blood cells produce this natural anti-inflammatory. So, they trick the white blood cells, I guess, maybe for lack of a better word. Anyway, so this shit, it's really good for, uh, accelerating your, um, recovery process for an injury. Like, a lot of people like, do it like, while they... If they get surgery. If they get surgery, then they have some of this done too, it accelerates the healing.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Especially as you get older. It just provides you with, uh... And it, it's actually natural too, you don't have to worry about it. But it provides you with this, just an extra boost of healing.
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  For weird neck injuries and back injuries, people like it for.
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  It's really good, really good for lower back injuries. A lot of it is inflammation, you know?
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  And so then they... Do they... Is it local? They shoot the blood-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Hmm.
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... into the area?
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, yeah.
30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  It's hurt...
11:03 – 12:38
Can you sell your blood? Black markets, weird internet commerce, and donation rules
1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Is there still a ban on uh-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... cation people and gay people giving blood?
4. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a very good question 'cause they've, they've gotten so close to stopping HIV-
5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  ... that they can get it like, not... Correct me if I'm wrong. They can get it like, to y- to the point where you're, you can't even detect it.
7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Oh, yeah.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Which is incredible.
9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah. And then now in the third world, 'cause my, uh, my friend Peter Current, he lives in, uh, Zimbabwe and uh... No, Mozambique. And he used to work for the health department in LA County. He was the guy that was in charge of AIDS prevention. And so he got a job working over in Africa and he said that you can now cure, not cure, but stabilize somebody with HIV with a pill that's like, $60 a month or something like that.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow.
11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, they've got the price way down in Africa now.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  That's incredible. Why is there so many, uh, cases of HIV in Africa?
13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Um.... Well, I think when nutrition is poor-
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... then there's more cutting and bleeding.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause I had heard that a lot of what you see in terms of like, uh, if they're talking about, uh, AIDS in Africa-... that you, that it's, uh, very easy to put AIDS, like, put, like, that category AIDS, um, that sometimes it's just people with damaged immune systems from a host of different diseases.
17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Uh-huh.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  That it's sometimes the people aren't getting tested. I always wondered, like, how many of those people are tested for HIV?
19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right. Right.
12:38 – 13:56
HIV then vs now: treatment advances, Africa’s burden, and Magic Johnson panic
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, what is ... But the, the fact that a guy like Magic Johnson has had it since ... Do you remember d- when you heard Magic Johnson had h- ... I was in a panic.
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  I felt like it was a zombie movie. Like, it's happened.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  It's started. And then people are just gonna get it and we're all gonna die of AIDS.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Everybody, when our generation, when you and I were like 21, that's what everybody thought.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Everyone's gonna die from AIDS.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Now Magic Johnson looks great.
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  He's still alive. (laughs)
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yep. (laughs)
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Think of how many people have died who didn't have HIV and we're worried about this one thing.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I remember he wanted to play (laughs) he wanted to play in the All Star game and then all the players were like-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... "Nah, I'm good." (laughs)
19. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  It's gonna be a slam dunk contest by the end of this.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Dude. Jesus Christ.
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs) But-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  What, what did, what did ... Fucking Damon Wayans used to have a bit about Dennis Rodman. (laughs)
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude, it was about Dennis Rodman spitting in Magic Johnson's mouth to accelerate his symptoms.
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
27. JRJoe Rogan
  He's like, if, if he wanted to try to get hardcore with him.
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
29. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) I forget... I, I, I hope Den ... Damon's ... I'm a huge Damon Wayans fan, so I hope I'm not b- butchering his bit.
30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
13:56 – 21:15
Forgotten comedy legends: Damon Wayans, In Living Color, and what couldn’t air today
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude, I'm ... Um, Damon Wayans, in my opinion, is like one of the most ignored greats.
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I agree 100%. I used to open for him sometimes. And, uh, t- twice I remember him coming in on a Thursday night. It was Thursday to Sunday at Faneuil Hall Comedy Connection. Thursday night he comes in, fucking yellow pads, he goes up and just regurgitates a new hour and gets okay laughs for a new hour. Friday night, he comes back tighter, tighter. Sunday night it's like he would fucking destroy with a new hour.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  It was crazy.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  He's really good, man.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  He would go out ... He would just go up at the Comedy Store and literally let whatever thought came into his head, and he would take long sets. And he would take that stuff, and he would turn that stuff into killer closing bits.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah. Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  But for whatever reason, I think he just got into doing sitcoms more.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  It was like, "Nah, fuck it."
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  You know?
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah. He's, uh, he, he's ... That's an interesting family, man. They, you know, they grew up in the projects in Manhattan.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Dude, the talent in that family.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Keenen, Damon, Marlon, Shawn. I mean, Jesus Christ.
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a lot of killers.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Kim.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  And, and isn't Damon's son doing standup too now?
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude.
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  That Damon Jr., right?
25. JRJoe Rogan
  What a crazy family.
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I know.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  That's a cra- ... You better be in show business in that family, or you're doomed. (laughs)
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah. I mean, think about that. It's like-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Right? Like, if you wanna compete with your brothers. Keenen Ivory Wayans, Damon Wayans, Kim Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Damian Dante Wayans, Damon Wayans Jr. That's all of them.
30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
21:15 – 25:48
Comedy, stereotypes, and the rapid evolution of what’s “acceptable”
1. JRJoe Rogan
  '90 to '94. Yeah. So, that, the way you could do certain bits and what you could get away with and put on television was just different. So, I think that's one of the, like, probably one of the least understood things that's happening with us with social media, is this rapid evolution of what's acceptable and not acceptable anymore.
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  And it's changing very quickly in terms of subjects, in terms of the way you approach things, in terms of like, obvious bigotry or obvious bias. It's like it's all getting very highlighted.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Well, the... I think the big question is whether or not you see an artist as somebody who's taking their inner vision and putting it out, and you go for the ride or you don't.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Or is it, are we supposed to be representing society in our standup? Or is it all supposed to be fair, balanced representations of different ethnic groups and genders, you know? And, and it's like, when did it all have to become a morality tale? When did every depiction of every race have to be fair?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Can't you have an asshole who's Black? Can't you have a killer who's gay without it becoming a depiction of that entire s- you know-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... subgroup?
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, it's like if... What our, our real problem is that prejudice does exist. So when it does exist, you kinda look for it in things, and you say, "Hey, this has the characteristics of prejudice. I see this here. I see what you're doing here that I think this is prejudice." We say, "No, no, no. This is making fun of Puerto Rican men. This is not prejudice."
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  This is a, uh, an account of real occurrences that I've turned into humor.
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  The, the flamboyant masculinity of Puerto Rican men. I mean, like, in New York, th- like, that's... If you, if you thought of, uh, type of, uh, Latino sort of, uh, the bravado, you know, the music, the food, everything's spicy, like-
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, if you can't make fun of that-
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  ... come on.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I know. Colin Quinn does a whole thing about how-
21. JRJoe Rogan
  It doesn't have to be racist, right?
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... Puerto Ricans are never inside or outside. They're always both.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Like, there's always a window open and people on the inside and outside are talking.
25. NANarrator
  (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  (claps)
27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  The car door is always open. They're half in the car, they're half... (laughs)
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Right. This isn't racist. This is-
29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Observation.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, it's observation. Yeah.
25:48 – 30:20
Getting booed for jokes: Girl Scout cookies, audience interpretation, and food nostalgia
1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I get, I get booed on stage sometimes now. That never used to happen.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  For what? What'd you say?
3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I did a joke-
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, you don't have to say the joke, but just like wha-
5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I'll say it, I don't care, because I don't think it's offensive, but this-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay.
7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  But this person did. And it was, uh, you know, I, I, I go, "Oh, it's girl, it's Girl Scout Cookie season." Those little whores are out there popping up their tables-
8. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... wherever you are, selling those stale, shitty, overpriced cookies. But you buy 'em 'cause it makes you feel good, like you're a good person, you know? And then you walk through the parking lot and some Black kid comes up with a box of Snickers going, "Hey, will you support my basketball team?" And you're like, "That's a fucking scam." (laughs) This guy goes, "Boo, they're not all sc-" I'm like-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  That's not what we're saying, stupid.
11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  You're doing a character.
13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I'm commenting on a very real thing.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  My entire life I have-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... bought Girl Scout Cookies and I have not always bought that fucking Snickers bar in the Subway or the ... Sometimes I do.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, the Girl Scout Cookie is, it's universally accepted.
19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Right? But they only have like ... The ones that I like are the ones ... It's like a coconut one with like-
21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  That's the one I like.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  ... chocolate on it.
23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  You want that one? This one's pretty good.
25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Little caramel, yeah, that was the one.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  That one's pretty goddamn legit.
27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  But they-
28. JRJoe Rogan
  What is that one called?
29. NANarrator
  Do-si-do.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Did y-
30:20 – 36:02
Sugar-fueled decisions, early sexual shame, and why humans moralize sex
1. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, I decided to fight in a tournament once because, uh, I had a crazy sugar high from Dunkin' Donuts. I'd hurt myself. I'd hurt, um, something in my crotch and I couldn't work out for like a week.
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  I pulled some sort of a muscle and there was a big tournament that was coming up.And, uh, my- all the guys that I competed with were going to this tournament. And I was like ... I had just fought, like, a week before. I was like, "I don't think I can do it." I'm like, "This doesn't feel right. I'm just gonna take the whole week off." So I decided I'm just gonna take off, let this thing heal. And so, uh, delivering my newspapers and I go to Dunkin Donuts and I got this powdered lemon filled donut. I got one of those and I got a- a Boston cream donut.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  I got one of those and I got, uh ... I ate, like, three donuts because I'd be exhausted, tired, drinking coffee, delivering fucking newspapers for three hours. And I was so jacked on sugar and coffee that I said, "Fuck it, I wanna fight."
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
7. JRJoe Rogan
  And so I- I- I drove, I drove into town, like, right before everybody was leaving. They're like, "Why are you here?" I said, "I'm gonna fight anyway, man."
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs) Like Beavis and Butt-Head.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  I- I won. I won the tournament.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  It was a- a giant tournament. For me, it was big. It was the American Open, it was like a big ... It was a big deal.
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Wow.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. I wasn't gonna do it. I got jacked up on sugar and made a- a- a rash decision. (laughs)
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I can see you winning the first match, but then- but then- but then you crash.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  No.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Then you gotta keep fighting.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  No, it didn't ... It worked out somehow or another. I guess I ate when I got there too.
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  But also, the week off. I'd never done that, like, taking a week off. Sometimes when you do something like that, where you- if you- you exercise too much, you're really always in a state of recovery.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  And your body doesn't get a chance to, like, fully charge back up again. So at the time, I was probably 19 and I was going hard, like, every day, every day that I could. So I'd never really taken a week off. So taking a week off and just being like, "Wow, this is great." I did take a week off when I started getting laid.
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  That is one thing that happened.
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  The first time you got laid?
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, when I first started getting laid. I took a long time off-
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... then I got yelled at.
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  I got yelled at. I wasn't doing any training. I came back all tan and shit.
30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
36:02 – 40:19
Pandemics, factory farming risks, and the Spanish Flu’s overlooked scale
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Like, this- this ... What was this- what was the source of, um, the Spanish Flu, which I think was the most deadly epidemic in US history?
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Oh, was that right? It was international too, wasn't it?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  It was in- it was international, for sure. I think for sure it was the most deadly epidemic in the US.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Oh yeah, it was Spanish, yeah. (laughs)
5. JRJoe Rogan
  But I think it came ... I don't think it came from Spain. I think, I wanna say it came from somewhere around Virginia. Did it ... Is that bullshit? This is gonna take time.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Probably New Jersey.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  I feel like it came from some sort of farm situation.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't know why, uh, I'm- I'm-... I me- I feel like I'm guessing that though.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I'm surprised there's not more of that now because you see some of these, like, pig farms and they have lakes.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Ugh. Lakes.
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  There are lakes of waste.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Have you seen the drone footage? Is that what we're talking about?
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  No.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God. Some guy flew it... You know, 'cause they have these ag-gag laws, which apparently one of them just got shot down. Uh, somebody sent me an email (coughs) that some- when it- maybe it was Idaho or Iowa, one of those places, one of those I states, that, uh, the, uh, (laughs) ag-gag laws got shut down. The ag-gag laws are say if you were working in a slaughterhouse and you saw horrific conditions, you got your cellphone out, you filmed it, you could get prosecuted. You would go to jail. You could be sued, because of the law.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Because of Food, Inc. and all those documentaries that came out.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, it's- they- I think those ag-gag laws existed as soon as they figured out that people could film things.
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, 'cause a few people released videos of her... And it looked... Those ag-gag laws kept, you know, kept people from talking about a lot of creepy shit, like this video.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  If you see this video, this guy decided since no one's gonna give him access to film the place openly, he's gonna fly over it. So he flew over it with a drone.
22. NANarrator
  So this is the Spanish flu thing.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Okay. For many years, medical historians and epidemiologists hypothesized that the outbreak could have started in a British army base in Etaples, France or at Fort Riley in Kansas, where the first American cases of the new strain of flu were recorded in March of 1918. More recently, experts have- (clears throat) experts have proposed a third hypothesis: the Spanish flu originated somewhere in northern China in late 1917 and swiftly moved to Eastern Europe where then 140,000 Chinese laborers and, uh, the French and British governments recruited to perform manual labor to free up troops for wartime duty. Wow.
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, I think more people died of that than they die- than died in World War I.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  I think so.
26. NANarrator
  50 million people were killed because of this.
27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Damn!
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Whoa.
29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Just think about corpse disposal-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  In a single year.
40:19 – 44:36
Cold War fear, “duck and cover,” and the ethics of drone warfare
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Don't you always feel like even since high school that it's always been, like, around the corner?
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Like it... There was... When we were in high school it was the big fear is that we were gonna go to war with the Russians.
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Do you remember going into the, uh, coat room and putting your head between your knees? Did you have to do that?
5. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't think we did that.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  We used to do those.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm, we did the da- get under the desk drill.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yes.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Which is hilarious. Get under the desk.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
11. JRJoe Rogan
  It's so stupid.
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Like bitch, this is a nuclear war. Dude, they used to tell you, "You're gonna get under your desk."
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Hey-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Like as if they had some way to alleviate our stress-
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, I know.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  ... by pretending-
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you have to get under the desk.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  They wanted to give you an answer.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Yeah, nobody knew what the fuck to do, so they just made up some nonsense. "Just get under your desk."
22. NANarrator
  Duck and cover.
23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs)
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Nuclear war. Duck and cover. Nuclear war.
25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  (laughs) That linoleum is gonna save your life.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, look at this. This is the drill, all these little kids underneath their tables. What a fucked up thing to put in a kid's head, man.
27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Just stop and think about how close we were to doing something so stupid that this could have become a reality-
29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and how... Now think about how this is a reality in certain parts of the world. Like in- in our place it's not, but in other places it is.
44:36 – 50:14
How bodies and culture changed: old movies, Jane Fonda, and aerobics-era weirdness
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Like old movies, when you watch old movies, you know what the- the biggest indication that something is different is? Women didn't work out then.
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  They weren't, like, fit. Like, you- we- you- we're used to seeing a lot of actresses that are on TV and in the movies, they- they all do, like, CrossFit-
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  ... or something. They're all working out, they're all taking gymnastics or something, or they're doing spin classes, and- and they have trainers.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  They're doing these box jumps and shit. Like, girls are built now, it's a different thing.
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  If you go look at, like, King Kong, look at, like, Fay Wray in King Kong.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Which is soft.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  They just- they just-
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yes.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  They're not even picking up their groceries.
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, there's no-
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  They- they're built different.
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, and they don't last.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  If they didn't do manual labor ... They don't last. (laughs) Some of them do, and when they do, it's a shock.
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Like Raquel Welch, like deep into her 60s.
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right, yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  She's like, "Jesus, she's still hot."
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Sofia Loren, right to the end.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, Jesus.
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  It's a few of them that were so potent-
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  ... that their- their spell lasted their- their entire existence.
30. NANarrator
  Did this start-
50:14 – 1:02:39
Parenting, compassion, privilege, immigration politics, and America’s regional cultures
1. JRJoe Rogan
  One thing that I always do when I tell my kids if they're doing something wrong, if they've done something wrong, I say, "I, I did worse, way worse. I did exactly what you did. And I lied about it. I always lied. If my parents asked me if I did anything wrong, I always lied." And I'm like, "I know if you did something or y- you didn't do it. I'm not mad at you. I'm just trying to make you not do it in the future 'cause I want you to learn why it's bad."
2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  And so, I would always tell 'em-
4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  That's good. That's good.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  That was the number one thing I always do.
6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  And I get mad sometimes. I mean, it's just there's, there's no way you can't... Sometimes, especially as they get older, they get upset about things, and you gotta, you go, "You gotta calm down. You gotta, like, figure out how to calm down."
8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, stop screaming at each other.
10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Sisters screaming-
12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right, right.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  ... at each other. "You took my thing." "That's mine." "No, it's not, you gave it to me." "No, but I can take it back." And like...
14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  (sighs) God. Damn.
16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  It's amazing the pitch they can get 'cause usually when people-
17. JRJoe Rogan
  God.
18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  ... get that hostile to each other, you, you, you're worried there's gonna be a physical fight.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yes. (laughs)
20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  But, but sisters can take it to three times that level.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  It makes you so uncomfortable.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  But then they'll cuddle with each other, and they love each other.
24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  It's funny.
26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  That's sweet. It's sweet. So what's the difference-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  But it's interesting. Two years.
28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, that's good.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  It's interesting watching them evolve, like watching them learn new facts and learn new things and, and watch their little brain fill with information, their vocabulary starts growing.
30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
1:02:39 – 1:22:12
The craft of stand-up: writing habits, rebuilding after specials, and room dynamics
1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Did you write a joke yesterday?
2. JRJoe Rogan
  No, I wrote some shit that wasn't funny.
3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Last week?
4. JRJoe Rogan
  I just wrote some shit last night.
5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah, we did... You and I did the store together last night.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, and then last night I came home and wrote.
7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, I'm just, um, I, I've, uh, in this stage of so... A couple of these bits that I'm working on right now where they're, they're just like, they're on Bambi legs.
9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  They'll go south on me.
11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Right.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, I'll just, I'll, I'll lose the script.
13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I'll f- it's, um, it's interesting because when you go from doing a special and then chucking everything out and then starting from scratch, it's the most fun time.
15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause you're like a, like you're a beginner again, in a lot of ways.
17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  You think about it all the time.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  I, like after dinner, I've got a half hour, I'm like, "I wanna get back to that bit." The-
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you think it, you're thinking about it all the time.
21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, you're thinking about bits all the time. Whereas once you have an act together and you could do, you do an hour and 20 minutes easy, then you're not thinking about it that much.
23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Mm-hmm.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  You're thinking about when you do it or you're thinking about it when you write, but you're not thinking about it all day.
25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  No, you're tweaking it in, in motion.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  Like, when you're on stage and you've got the hour down, that's when we... You and I were talking about a, a comedian you just told to take a little extra time before they do their special.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, yeah.
29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons
  And it really is in that extra few months that you find emphasizing this syllable-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.

Episode duration: 3:19:07

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Transcript of episode XBJu_cri2f4

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Rebuilding the JRE studio vibe and nerding out over writers’ desks

Hemingway’s toughness, old-school skiing, and the reality of aging knees

PRP and Regenokine/orthokine: injecting your own blood to heal injuries

Can you sell your blood? Black markets, weird internet commerce, and donation rules

HIV then vs now: treatment advances, Africa’s burden, and Magic Johnson panic

Forgotten comedy legends: Damon Wayans, In Living Color, and what couldn’t air today

Comedy, stereotypes, and the rapid evolution of what’s “acceptable”

Getting booed for jokes: Girl Scout cookies, audience interpretation, and food nostalgia

Sugar-fueled decisions, early sexual shame, and why humans moralize sex

Pandemics, factory farming risks, and the Spanish Flu’s overlooked scale

Cold War fear, “duck and cover,” and the ethics of drone warfare

How bodies and culture changed: old movies, Jane Fonda, and aerobics-era weirdness

Parenting, compassion, privilege, immigration politics, and America’s regional cultures

The craft of stand-up: writing habits, rebuilding after specials, and room dynamics

Get more out of YouTube videos.