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Joe Rogan Experience #1252 - Dave Foley & Paul Greenberg

David Foley is an actor, stand-up comedian, director, producer and writer. Paul Greenberg is an actor, comedian and voice actor. Together they host "Don't Say.. with Paul & Dave" available on iTunes.

Joe RoganhostDave FoleyguestPaul Greenbergguest
Feb 26, 20192h 53mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:043:00

    Taboo word cold open, “Don’t Say Cunt” origin, and fixing the studio audio

    1. JR

      Four, three, two, one. And we're live. So what am I not supposed to say?

    2. DF

      Huh?

    3. JR

      (laughs)

    4. DF

      Oh, uh, yeah, cunt.

    5. JR

      Oh.

    6. PG

      Yeah.

    7. DF

      Yeah.

    8. JR

      That's our, uh-

    9. PG

      Yeah.

    10. DF

      That's basically, that's the title. The title of the show that we've, we've, we've, uh, uh, omitted from the print (laughs) -

    11. PG

      Yes.

    12. DF

      ... listings-

    13. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    14. DF

      ... is, uh, yeah, the show's actually called Don't Say Cunt-

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. DF

      ... uh, with Paul and Dave.

    17. PG

      Because this is the one place where you're not gonna hear the word cunt.

    18. DF

      Yeah. It's a kind of a promise that for 45 minutes-

    19. PG

      On our show.

    20. JR

      Oh.

    21. DF

      There'll be 45 minutes, uh, 'cause as we understand it, Americans don't like the word cunt.

    22. JR

      Some Americans.

    23. DF

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      It's getting number.

    25. DF

      That's what the, well, yeah.

    26. PG

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      Yeah. Well, but until that day.

    28. PG

      It used to be a lot worse.

    29. JR

      There was a, there's an, a, a bunch of women that were trying to take it back. Who was it? Was that the, The Guys We Fucked girls?

    30. DF

      Maybe.

  2. 3:004:25

    Canada, British influence, and the monarchy as celebrity reality TV

    1. PG

      He was full Canadian, but being Canadian is kinda like being-

    2. JR

      Right.

    3. PG

      ... English a little bit.

    4. JR

      You guys have English people in your money still.

    5. DF

      Yeah.

    6. PG

      Yes.

    7. DF

      And we get all the English movies-

    8. PG

      Mm-hmm.

    9. DF

      ... all the English TV shows.

    10. PG

      We, we, we, uh, pledge allegiance to the Queen in school, you know, when I was a kid.

    11. JR

      For real? Still? Is that still going on?

    12. DF

      Yeah, yeah.

    13. PG

      Possibly, yeah.

    14. DF

      And in our sleep.

    15. PG

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      So many good things about Canada, yet so many preposterous things.

    17. PG

      Yes.

    18. DF

      It's true. It, the fact, well, the fact that a monarchy still exists at all is preposterous.

    19. PG

      Canada is great on paper.

    20. DF

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Yeah. (laughs) Well, the monarchy i- even in itself has, has become Kardashianified.

    22. DF

      Well, yeah.

    23. PG

      Right.

    24. DF

      Like, well, um, I... But didn't they, weren't they always? I mean-

    25. JR

      I guess they were.

    26. DF

      I mean, what, how else did they-

    27. JR

      Like during the prince died days and-

    28. DF

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. DF

      Or even just back to Henry VIII. I mean-

  3. 4:2510:07

    Real Housewives psychology: fame without craft, attention pressure, and breakdowns

    1. JR

      Yeah. Those shows are wonderful. They're-

    2. DF

      I have never seen an episode of any of those.

    3. JR

      They're fascinating.

    4. DF

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      The Beverly Hills one is th- there was, well, there's different m- versions of them, right? And different-

    6. PG

      There's like-

    7. JR

      ... versions you get to see the geographical creepiness of-

    8. PG

      Like Atlanta-

    9. JR

      Yeah.

    10. PG

      ... is its own thing.

    11. JR

      Yeah. Atlanta's not a bad one. The worst one was Jersey.

    12. DF

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      They're, they're fucking savage people.

    14. PG

      (laughs)

    15. DF

      Yeah.

    16. PG

      They are.

    17. JR

      That's, that's my ancestors, those fucking savage monkey folk that live in-

    18. DF

      Is-

    19. PG

      (laughs)

    20. DF

      Yeah. Isn't the worst anything-

    21. PG

      They'll cut your neck.

    22. DF

      ... the Jersey version?

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. DF

      The worst of anything, the worst, the worst penicillin is the Jersey penicillin, you know? (laughs)

    25. PG

      Mm-hmm. CSI: Jersey was terrible-

    26. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    27. PG

      ... by the way. No, that doesn't exist. I'm sorry.

    28. JR

      (laughs)

    29. NA

      (laughs)

    30. DF

      (laughs)

  4. 10:0713:13

    Acting as a job: Dr. Ken, craftsmanship pressure, and not enjoying success in real time

    1. JR

      Um, are you still doing that show with, uh, Dr. Ken?

    2. DF

      No, uh, we stopped when they canceled it.

    3. JR

      Oh.

    4. DF

      Uh ...

    5. PG

      (laughs)

    6. JR

      That's always a good move.

    7. DF

      Yeah, not right away.

    8. PG

      (laughs)

    9. DF

      It's several months in. Uh ...

    10. PG

      To be fair, you kept doing the show after it was canceled, right?

    11. DF

      Yeah. We didn't, we didn't, uh-

    12. JR

      Was it called The Doctors? Is that what it's called?

    13. DF

      No. (laughs) The Doc- ... No. That was the-

    14. JR

      No, that's the other one.

    15. DF

      That's, uh-

    16. JR

      That's the real one.

    17. DF

      ... Dr. Oz, right?

    18. PG

      It had a real-

    19. JR

      Yeah.

    20. PG

      I can't remember. What was the name of it again?

    21. DF

      I mean, we can still call Dr. Oz a real doctor, right? That, uh-

    22. JR

      I don't think so.

    23. DF

      He's ... Is he-

    24. JR

      No.

    25. DF

      ... as far gone as Drew?

    26. JR

      Once you've been pushed in front-

    27. DF

      (laughs)

    28. JR

      ... of Congress-

    29. DF

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      ... and they question you on your weight loss claims-

  5. 13:1317:06

    Sitcom mechanics: laugh tracks, “good enough” comedy, and what changed in TV

    1. DF

      Yeah.

    2. JR

      ... ever seen those without the laugh track?

    3. DF

      No. (laughs) I can imagine what that must be like.

    4. They, they've, they've taken some of those shows- Oh, I've seen like Big Bang Theory and that kind of stuff.

    5. I would like to see that.

    6. Yeah.

    7. JR

      They've removed the laugh track, and you watch it with just the actors saying the words. And it's like-

    8. DF

      Does anything funny ever happen on it?

    9. JR

      Well, it's just, it's strange. It's like you're watching, um, uh, uh, i- it just doesn't make any sense. It's like-

    10. DF

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      ... it's, it's illogical.

    12. DF

      Yeah, and that, that, that, that place people get in their heads where they just go, "It'll be fine."

    13. JR

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    14. DF

      Like, I mean, news radio, if we did a scene and it didn't get a laugh, we rewrote the whole scene.

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. DF

      Yeah.

    17. Literally. Like in f-... with the audience there.

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. DF

      Well, I think the term good enough is perfect for comedy.

    20. Yeah.

    21. Eh, it's good enough.

    22. JR

      (inhales deeply)

    23. DF

      People are kinda chuckling.

    24. JR

      Well, it's the-

    25. DF

      It's okay.

    26. ... you, y- ... Once you get a certain number of characters that you can get to interact with each other in predictable ways on those shows- Yeah.

    27. JR

      ... then they just sort of have them have these little scenes-

    28. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    29. JR

      ... and have different inflections and different stumbles, and, and they make a show out of it.

    30. DF

      And for the audience, I think it just becomes comfort.

  6. 17:0626:56

    Comedy’s shrinking danger zone: Ace Ventura’s trans joke ending and era-dependent humor

    1. JR

      Yeah. So, uh, how long you guys been doing this podcast?

    2. DF

      This, how long have we been... Since just before Christmas-

    3. Yeah.

    4. ... I guess.

    5. It's not, not that long.

    6. December.

    7. Not that long.

    8. Yeah, probably time to wrap it up.

    9. We've known each other, we've known each other a long time.

    10. 30 years I guess.

    11. JR

      What motivated it?

    12. DF

      Our wives.

    13. Yeah.

    14. JR

      They say, "Get the fuck outta here."

    15. DF

      Yeah.

    16. They wanted us out of the house pretty much. Yeah.

    17. JR

      (laughs)

    18. DF

      That's, it was, yeah, they said, "What-"

    19. They said, "Can you go do something somewhere else?"

    20. "... do something." And, uh, and they're actually e- e- in, on the podcast with us. Like, uh, Chrissie, my wife, produces it and, you know-

    21. Good.

    22. ... puts it all together.

    23. Jackie Harris, Greenberg is my wife and she's-

    24. JR

      It makes it super hard to fire her.

    25. DF

      It is. Well...

    26. No. We're the ones who will get fired.

    27. Oh, man.

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. DF

      Well, she fired me once, so-

    30. That's true.

  7. 26:5630:04

    Their podcast exists because… their wives: relationships, separation, and reuniting without divorce

    1. DF

      Well, how long, how long have you been married now?

    2. JR

      10 years.

    3. DF

      And you've n- and you, that's the only time you've ever been married, right?

    4. JR

      Thank God. Thank the baby Jesus.

    5. DF

      Oh my God, yes. (laughs) Uh-

    6. JR

      (laughs)

    7. DF

      (laughs)

    8. PG

      (laughs)

    9. DF

      Praise, praise Jesus. (laughs)

    10. PG

      (laughs)

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. DF

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      I'm stunned that it's working.

    14. DF

      Yeah, it's a, it's great.

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. DF

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      If it works, it's great.

    18. DF

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      But I always tell people, "Don't do it. It's too risky."

    20. DF

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      You get l- 50% of the people don't make it.

    22. PG

      Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's not a good-

    23. JR

      You know?

    24. PG

      ... uh, good rate-

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. PG

      ... of success.

    27. JR

      Would you drive a car if you knew that 50% likely you would die in a crash?

    28. PG

      Right.

    29. DF

      Yeah. I mean, it was an institution that made sense when you were only gonna live to be 40.

    30. JR

      (clears throat) Sort, well, it makes sense. There's some parts of it that make sense. The problem is that it's become a business. And it's become-

  8. 30:0434:11

    Marriage as a risky contract: divorce economics, lawyers, and the Phil Hartman tragedy

    1. JR

      Well, I've seen too many predatory marriages. I've seen women marry men they don't really like 'cause they know the man has money, and I've seen, I've seen the opposite.It's just such a weird thing when you h- enter into contractual agreement about romance.

    2. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    3. JR

      Like, it's- it's- it's not just, "I- I love you, you love me, let's- let's have a celebration of our love and let's invite our friends over and tell everybody we've- we've decided to engage each other in this very special commitment." But then you start bringing in lawyers.

    4. DF

      Yeah.

    5. PG

      Right.

    6. JR

      And then it gets weird and then, you know, you have, m- uh, w- weird state by state laws where-

    7. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    8. JR

      ... there's common law marriages if you live with someone-

    9. PG

      Yeah.

    10. JR

      ... for 10 years. And-

    11. DF

      Yeah, that might have been where humanity went wrong, was when the first guy said, "I'm gonna be a lawyer." Like, that was his decision. I'm looking around and I think, "Yeah, there's a lot of ugliness in the world."

    12. JR

      Yeah, when was the first lawyer?

    13. PG

      They never made it work.

    14. DF

      I gotta buck on it.

    15. JR

      When was the first lawyer? Like, when was the- there was a series of laws-

    16. DF

      Yeah, who was that?

    17. JR

      ... right? The first lawyers had to have been priests, right?

    18. DF

      I would guess so, yeah.

    19. JR

      Yeah, I mean the- the laws-

    20. DF

      The Pharisees.

    21. JR

      ... initially-

    22. DF

      ... were- were basically lawyers, right?

    23. JR

      What is the Pharisees?

    24. DF

      Like, the Jewish- the Jewish priests.

    25. JR

      Oh, okay. Makes sense.

    26. PG

      That does make a lot of sense.

    27. DF

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      Hm.

    29. PG

      Probably a lot of my relatives.

    30. DF

      (laughs) Yeah.

  9. 34:1144:25

    When time got standardized: railroads, time zones, and the weirdness of scheduling reality

    1. JR

      You know Arizona still doesn't do daylight savings time?

    2. DF

      (laughs)

    3. JR

      They're like, "Fuck you."

    4. DF

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      "That's stupid."

    6. PG

      They're allowed to do that?

    7. JR

      Yep.

    8. DF

      Yep.

    9. JR

      Yep.

    10. PG

      Wow.

    11. JR

      If you drive from, like- if you drive from Nevada to Arizona you're- you're- you miss an hour.

    12. DF

      Yeah, they aren't the only state. Isn't there another state that doesn't?

    13. JR

      I wonder.

    14. DF

      I think there's more.

    15. JR

      Not that I'm aware of. Is there other ones?

    16. DF

      Hawaii doesn't either.

    17. JR

      Hawaii? Good for them.

    18. DF

      Well, yeah, they're good for them.

    19. PG

      Well, Hawaii gets to do what they want.

    20. DF

      They're an island.

    21. PG

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      They s- we stole Hawaii.

    23. PG

      That's right.

    24. DF

      N-

    25. JR

      That- that island is theirs.

    26. DF

      Yeah. (laughs)

    27. JR

      That's a- that's a fucking country that we occupy with hotels.

    28. PG

      You feel it when you're there.

    29. DF

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      Yes. It's got its own feeling.

  10. 44:2549:11

    Daylight savings resistance, Hawaii as occupied paradise, and invasive species side effects

    1. DF

      Well... Yeah. Well, it's kinda like... Well, I was, I was just thinking you actually had, uh, was it, uh, Brian Cox on.

    2. JR

      Yes.

    3. DF

      And he said, when they talk about the, the, uh, the size of the, the universe-

    4. JR

      Yes.

    5. DF

      ... most of it's just a guess-

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. DF

      ... based on the th- the observable universe, based on the number of galaxies they can see. They're just guessing at how many galaxies there are. I think that's the same with illegal immigration. You're just going, "Well, it's like an average."

    8. PG

      Probably. Yeah.

    9. DF

      If we, if we-

    10. JR

      I think you're more likely to be accurate with a- illegal immigration than you are with stars.

    11. DF

      I don't know.

    12. JR

      Yeah. I think the star thing, the problem is, uh, and I'm, I'll butcher this, but I think it's that literally we don't have the capability to look past 13 point whatever billion years.

    13. DF

      Years. Yeah. It's the Big Bang.

    14. JR

      They, they can't really look.

    15. DF

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      So if they look and they go, "Oh, no, there's just like a big space," and then-

    17. DF

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      ... you go 18 more billion years back-

    19. DF

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      ... there's a thriving community of galaxies.

    21. DF

      (laughs) Yeah.

    22. PG

      (laughs) There's a whole other galaxy.

    23. JR

      Yeah.

    24. DF

      That's distance in time, but then the, just the sheer vastness of the sky-

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. DF

      ... they've only actually, like, like, looked at a fraction of it.

    27. JR

      Right. Well, talking to a guy like him is so amazing because you, you, you realize like, okay, well, there's different kinds of humans.

    28. DF

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      There's, there's humans that are actually studying these insanely complicated equations that are trying to prove the, the very nature of reality itself.

    30. DF

      Yeah.

  11. 49:1153:53

    From illegal immigration estimates to cosmic estimates: what we ‘know’ is often extrapolation

    1. JR

      Well, why is that difficult to grasp though? That's the real question. Like, why is... W- why do we need everything to be defined by a very obvious beginning and an end?

    2. DF

      Mm-hmm. 'Cause it's, it... Everything we experience has a beginning and end.

    3. JR

      Biologically too.

    4. PG

      Because we experience time.

    5. DF

      Yeah. Even though-

    6. JR

      Yes.

    7. PG

      But a lot of time doesn't... is not experienced everywhere-

    8. DF

      Yeah.

    9. PG

      ... the same way.

    10. DF

      Well, time isn't experienced at all if you're not sentient.

    11. PG

      True. What is time?

    12. JR

      Or if you live in Arizona.

    13. DF

      Yeah. (laughs)

    14. JR

      They whack it off. It's different.

    15. DF

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      But yeah, it's the... I always wondered if, like, there was a reason why we wanted things to have a beginning and an end. Like, is it because we have our life and our life has a beginning and an end, all the lives of the people we know-

    17. DF

      Yeah.

    18. PG

      Well, we definitely have an end.

    19. DF

      But is it-

    20. PG

      I guess people are obsessed with it.

    21. JR

      That's what they say.

    22. DF

      Do we, do we want things to have a beginning or an end, or are we terrified of beginnings and ends?

    23. JR

      That too.

    24. DF

      You know?

    25. PG

      Just the thought of an end is terrible.

    26. DF

      'Cause that's why we create, you know, gods and religions is 'cause-

    27. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    28. DF

      ... the idea that, that life ends and that it's all been for nothing is terrifying to people.

    29. JR

      There's a little bit of that. Yeah. There's a little bit of, like, doing it to create order in the community-

    30. PG

      Mm-hmm.

  12. 53:5357:49

    Meaning, death, and why humans can’t stop inventing purpose

    1. JR

      ... Erich von Daniken last week.

    2. DF

      Oh my God.

    3. JR

      Yes. Very interesting.

    4. DF

      Cool.

    5. JR

      Very weird.

    6. DF

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      He's the guy who wrote Chariots of the Gods?

    8. PG

      Oh, God.

    9. JR

      He's in... Yeah.

    10. DF

      Yeah.

    11. PG

      Like, staple book in our house.

    12. JR

      In his 80s now.

    13. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    14. JR

      And, uh, he was showing us slides.

    15. PG

      What's the real story there? I was wondering.

    16. JR

      Mostly nonsense.

    17. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    18. JR

      Unfortunately.

    19. PG

      Was it really?

    20. DF

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Um, yeah. Mostly, mostly what it is, is evidence-

    22. PG

      Love that documentary.

    23. JR

      ... of lost civilizations.

    24. DF

      Mm-hmm.

    25. JR

      Ancient civilizations that were incredibly advanced-I follow the work of Graham Hancock and Randall Carlson and a few other people that are being proven actually correct more and more, a- almost on a daily basis, by new discoveries that show that th- that civilization predates what we initially thought. With, with the-

    26. PG

      It goes way back farther back.

    27. DF

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      The initial thought was that somewhere around the great pyramids, which is like 2,500 BC, that was about as good as anybody got, and you go back to like ancient Sumer-

    29. DF

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      ... which is about 6,000 years ago and then that's basically it. What they're saying is that, no, there was most likely a reset, a global reset of civilization due to a cataclysmic disaster and there's a shit ton of evidence.

  13. 57:491:11:17

    Ancient aliens vs. lost civilizations: von Däniken, cataclysms, and the UFO pivot

    1. DF

      But now I'm more... The, uh, the thing I've f- become obsessed with lately is the skepticism about UFOs.

    2. JR

      Yeah, that's why I wanted to talk to you about this because you told me that you've become obsessed with UFOs recently.

    3. DF

      Yeah. Oh, yeah. Completely, and it's like-

    4. PG

      Believer?

    5. DF

      Yeah, totally.

    6. JR

      Really?

    7. DF

      Yeah, totally believe the UFO phenomena is real. I don't know what it is, but it's totally h- it has to be real.

    8. JR

      Something's happening.

    9. PG

      Why? Why is that?

    10. DF

      Uh, 'cause there's just way too much evidence that it is real.

    11. JR

      What evidence?

    12. DF

      Uh, well, um, radar evidence, uh, that the, the F-16 locked on a UFO.

    13. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    14. DF

      That footage. And also just, uh, like I know the... friend of ours, I don't know if she'd want us to say it, but-

    15. JR

      No.

    16. DF

      ... her father was, uh, an air traffic controller.

    17. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    18. DF

      And he told her, he said, "Yeah, every air traffic controller has seen something."

    19. JR

      Yeah.

    20. DF

      And I had another friend who's father was an, a commercial pilot and she said, "Yeah, my dad said every single pilot has seen something."

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. DF

      And they've all been told not to say anything about it.

    23. JR

      Well-

    24. PG

      We have a couple of friends that say they were, um, abducted.

    25. DF

      Abducted. Yeah.

    26. JR

      Yeah, the abducted one is a little easier to wrap your head around because y- when you're sleeping, your brain is producing all sorts of endogenous psychedelic chemicals.

    27. DF

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      Almost all of these experiences happen when you're sleeping. Almost all of these experiences when these people are abducted, they're taken from their beds which is when they're dreaming.

    29. DF

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      I mean, it's just like there's some real clear easy steps to follow-

Episode duration: 2:53:27

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