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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1268 - Ron White

Ron White is a stand up comedian and actor, best known as a charter member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. His new special "If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up" is now streaming on Netflix.

Ron WhiteguestJoe RoganhostGuest (third person in studio, likely producer/companion)guest
Mar 20, 20192h 48mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 0:54

    Going live: grape drink, post-debate fatigue, and starting the show

    1. RW

      Grape.

    2. JR

      Grape? Hmm. It is grape, look at you.

    3. RW

      Yeah.

    4. GP

      It's got a grape flavor.

    5. JR

      Grape.

    6. RW

      (laughs) It's grape. (laughs)

    7. JR

      Fucking nailed it.

    8. RW

      That's, that's where I got it. I looked at the-

    9. JR

      We live? Ron White, we're live.

    10. RW

      (coughs) Oh, we are?

    11. JR

      Yes, sir.

    12. RW

      Well, what a fancy beginning. (coughs)

    13. JR

      That's how I do it.

    14. RW

      (laughs) Right.

    15. JR

      I like to be professional. Cheers, my brother.

    16. RW

      Cheers. (glasses clinking) Cheers.

    17. JR

      Good to see you.

    18. RW

      Good to be here, man. Good to be here.

    19. JR

      Mm. Ah, delicious. Good to see you after that mentally intensive... (banging) Ugh, carbohydrate versus fat. I'm, I'm done. I can't-

    20. RW

      You, you genuinely came outta there looking ex- ex- exhausted.

    21. JR

      It was a rough debate. They were going back and forth. They didn't like each other. They were mocking each other a little bit, but hopefully people got some information out of it. Two good guys, they just, uh, different positions.

    22. RW

      They don't see eye to eye, Joe.

    23. JR

      Nope. What're you gonna do?

    24. RW

      What're you gonna do? Hear 'em out.

  2. 0:54 – 2:32

    Ron White’s weed-on-the-plane arrest and the mugshot wall tradition

    1. JR

      Exactly. What're you gonna do? What're you gonna do, Ron White? So, uh, apparently, Ron White, you have a mugshot that we can add to our collection.

    2. RW

      Yeah, I'll get one over here.

    3. JR

      I'm very excited.

    4. RW

      I'll have it framed and send it on up. Uh-

    5. JR

      Fuck yeah.

    6. RW

      Oh, I'll make, make sure it's, uh, small enough to put on that wall out there, you know.

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. RW

      So, it'll be a pretty big one. I, I, I'd like to have a pretty dominant spot over at the, uh-

    9. JR

      You... Tell me what you need.

    10. RW

      ... Experience.

    11. JR

      I'll give you a fucking six-foot-tall one, brother.

    12. RW

      All right, all right.

    13. JR

      (laughs)

    14. RW

      So, that's a six-foot tall, life-size.

    15. JR

      Get it printed.

    16. RW

      Yeah. (laughs)

    17. JR

      Yeah, get it printed. Fuck it.

    18. RW

      Yeah, it was a bad picture.

    19. JR

      Yeah.

    20. RW

      It went really bad.

    21. JR

      So, uh, this, we were, we were talking about this, this is, uh, you got busted for weed. Somebody ratted you out that there was weed on your plane.

    22. RW

      That, that... They didn't say there was weed on my plane. They said it was a drug smuggling plane.

    23. JR

      Oh.

    24. RW

      And, uh, so there's a hotline that you can call and they, they're just pilots that I'd fired. And, and, uh, and so I'm just sitting on the plane looking out the window and there's dr- drug dogs and people in vests and machine guns.

    25. JR

      Oh, geez.

    26. RW

      And I'm like, "What's going on out there?" Well... But, you know, as soon as they determined that that's not what it was, that I just had some personal weed that obviously somebody called in and lied-

    27. JR

      Yeah.

    28. RW

      ... instead of going and arresting that guy, they took me to jail. That makes no sense at all, and then, uh, in the newspaper, the sheriff goes, "Well, he might not have had much pot with him, but who knows how much he did have?" And who knows I didn't kill somebody?

    29. JR

      (laughs)

    30. RW

      How about we just put me up for murder right now?

  3. 2:32 – 3:16

    Desperation tactics: re-checks, eating weed, and ‘smoking out of an apple’

    1. RW

      ... just to get to my plane. And really the funny part of it was the next day we were gonna go somewhere else, uh, in, um, in Louisiana. And, uh, but then now I've got a, you know, just weed we can get rid of. That's all we can do 'cause they, they might do it again. Next night, next place, more drugs. So now, we've got an apple we're smoking out of.

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. RW

      They're, they're two of 'em on horseback and Alex feeds the apple-

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. RW

      ... to one of the horses (laughs) as he's walking by, "Here, take this little apple. Om."

    6. JR

      So they tried, you to check your plane again?

    7. RW

      They did check it again, but we-

    8. JR

      Wow.

    9. RW

      ... we just had come up with this little plan that, uh, you know, we would just, would... And, and he also had to eat a little bag of weed, and he was really stoned on stage and, and, uh-

    10. JR

      (laughs)

    11. RW

      ... really stoned. But we, you know, we, we didn't go to jail that night. But-

  4. 3:16 – 4:50

    Cannabis juice, non-alcohol beer, and Ron’s resistance to ‘Sober October’

    1. JR

      Well, if you eat just v- it, just eat weed, will it get you high?

    2. RW

      Yeah, absolutely it will.

    3. JR

      Yeah?

    4. RW

      It take, it takes a while, but-

    5. JR

      Just snap.

    6. RW

      ... it was a big old chaw of it. I mean, that's it.

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. RW

      A big old lipful, cheekful.

    9. JR

      I'm surprised people don't chew weed. Like there's no one out there chewing away.

    10. RW

      It tastes like ass, dude.

    11. JR

      (laughs)

    12. RW

      It's (laughs) , which is why nobody eats weed, even the cookies, you know. They gotta, they gotta wash it to keep 'em tasting bad.

    13. JR

      I think there is a growing number of people who juice the leaves and drink it. Yeah. You know, like wheatgrass juice? They do it with the leaves of cannabis plant.

    14. GP

      How? I've seen people squeeze it to make the g- like the concentrate out, so it'd be nice and concentrated.

    15. JR

      No, I think they're, uh, they're sticking in one of those masticators, is th- is that what they're called? Those things that make, uh, you know, like wheatgrass. Like-

    16. RW

      Yeah, yeah.

    17. JR

      ... they can get, they can get juice out of fucking grass.

    18. RW

      That makes sense. If you can get it out of... I mean-

    19. GP

      Yeah, as long as you don't get high off it.

    20. JR

      You must be able to-

    21. RW

      If you can get it outta grass-

    22. GP

      You should be able to get high.

    23. RW

      ... you could get it out of any plant, right?

    24. JR

      It doesn't get you high?

    25. GP

      You don't get, yeah, you don't get high, though.

    26. JR

      Yeah.

    27. GP

      So it's like getting the CBD out, I guess.

    28. RW

      Then what's the point?

    29. JR

      For health, Ron.

    30. RW

      Oh, yeah. That (clears throat) , you know, it's like O'Doul's pot. Ugh.

  5. 4:50 – 6:50

    Ron opens up about drinking: identity, dependency, and comic ‘character’ reality

    1. JR

      Yeah, we had no Remember November. Um, yeah, Sober October is interesting. It's good to do every year. I like to do it. You think you'd ever do it?

    2. RW

      Nah, I don't think I could.

    3. JR

      Not a... How many days you think you'd take off?

    4. RW

      (inhales deeply) Uh, you know, really n- not one and be very happy about it.

    5. JR

      (laughs)

    6. RW

      I mean, I'm, I've, I've got a little touch of, uh, alcoholism that someday I'll either deal with or I won't. But, you know, it's, it's a maintenance thing with me, so...

    7. JR

      A maintenance as, as far as, uh, keeping your mindset correct? Just feeling good? Like, what is it?

    8. RW

      Yeah, you know, it's just a-

    9. JR

      Not give a fuck juice?

    10. RW

      I don't know. It, it's just something that s- I seem to require, you know. It, it's I, I can't wait for that first drink of the day. And then I usually drink, you know, pretty much to excess, um, every single night of my life. So, I mean, I'm not saying this is a good thing, and I'm certainly not bragging because I see people that are sober and I get jealous of 'em. I'm like, "Wow, what would that be like to, you know, wake up feeling good every day?" I, and I'm so committed to it. I don't understand that. I mean, I don't understand why I won't just let it go. Um, but it's, eh, you know, I know it's such a big part of, you know, who, who I, who people perceive me to be, but it's also just a big part of...... how I perceive me to be.

    11. JR

      Well, people who perceive you to be, they perceive you. Like, if anyone has ever asked me, "What's Ron White like?" I go, "What do you think he's like?" "Oh, great guy, dr- likes to drink a lot, always funny." Yeah, that's him.

    12. RW

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      (laughs) That's it. That's who, you, you, you ha- you have the benefit of... You don't have, uh, an act, like, you're not putting on an act, but you are a character. Like, you, you, that, but it's who you are. It's so much better. Like, if people found out you were some teetotaling guy. Like, have you ever seen somebody who drinks fake shots on stage?

    14. RW

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Yeah, that's rough. That's a rough place to be.

    16. RW

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      Pretending to be boozing it up with the crowd.

    18. RW

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      Come on, folks. Let's get crazy.

  6. 6:50 – 11:51

    Comedy craft and influence: Dean Martin myths, Steve Martin quitting, and Jonathan Winters

    1. RW

      Well, and, you know, the, well, you know, Foster Brooks, who was the best, he, Foster Brooks was so good at being a drunk with a teetotaler, uh-

    2. JR

      Wasn't Dean Martin as well? Not a teetotaler, but he would pretend?

    3. RW

      Not, you know, I don't think so. And I hear that, but I've s-

    4. JR

      Yeah.

    5. RW

      I've seen him... Uh, when, when I did the Foxworthy roast, I went back and watched all those roasts.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. RW

      And, uh, that guy was drunk.

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. RW

      And if you go watch movies he was in, he was not a good actor. So, he was acting... And, and him and Frost- Foster Brooks were in the same one, and Brooks was just so, so good and so edgy. And, uh, but you could tell which one was really drunk. (laughs) And, uh-

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. RW

      But, yeah, I think a lot of times in Vegas, he might've had fake drinks, and-

    12. JR

      Hmm.

    13. RW

      ... you know? Um...

    14. JR

      Or maybe people just wanted to say that because it's a little story.

    15. RW

      Right.

    16. JR

      You know?

    17. RW

      Yeah. But he looked like a, you know... (laughs) Look like he was fucked up to me.

    18. JR

      Have you seen that show on, uh... I don't know if you watch, uh, any Amazon Prime. You ever see that show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? It's about a standup comic.

    19. RW

      No, I see, I hear about it all the time, and people are always saying it's really, really good.

    20. JR

      It's fucking great. It's fucking great.

    21. RW

      Like, I, I just finished, uh, s- something today, so, uh, I'm looking for the next, uh-

    22. JR

      Watch that, man, especially season one. Season one is, to see season two was great too, I enjoyed it, but people didn't give season two as much, uh, reward, e- as much props as they did s-... I like both seasons, but there's a woman in it, f- this is my point, who has an... She's putting on an act, like she's this really highfalutin lady who pretends to be this chick from Queens, and she puts on a fat suit and, and does this act, and, uh, it drives Mrs. Maisel fucking crazy. She hates it, and she talks shit about her, and it starts... Uh, spoiler alert. I won't say anymore, but it just... That trap of being a character.

    23. RW

      Right.

    24. JR

      Pretending to be something that you're not.

    25. RW

      I, you know, I think that's... And this might be a little bit of a stretch, Joe, I don't know, but, you know, the, the, it... I think that's why S- Steve Martin quit, because he was a parody of a comedian.

    26. JR

      Hmm.

    27. RW

      And, which was brilliant and s- and so funny. Uh, I, uh, Let's Get Small was one of my favorite albums ever.

    28. JR

      Amazing.

    29. RW

      And I, I took it with me everywhere I went and, and played it for people, and then took credit for how good it was.

    30. JR

      (laughs)

  7. 11:51 – 16:30

    Rules of ‘punching down’: Kinison, 9/11 jokes, Patrice’s perspective, and controversy

    1. RW

      Yeah, Kinison, because Kinison taught us that somebody can genuinely not like you.

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. RW

      And you can still make 'em like it.

    4. JR

      Yeah.

    5. RW

      And, uh-

    6. JR

      But he also taught me that you can punch down as low as you want, as long as it's funny.

    7. RW

      Right, as long as it's funny, as long as you're good enough.

    8. JR

      That fucking bit that he had about starving children, to this day... I had an argument with a guy on the podcast about it where he was telling me that you, you, comedy only punches up. I go, "That's crazy." Kinison had two of the best bits of all time, they were both punching down. One was about starving kids, the other was about necrophiliacs paying money-

    9. RW

      Homosexuals and-

    10. JR

      ... to, to bang corpses.

    11. RW

      Yeah. (laughs) All right.

    12. JR

      But that's as down as you can get when you're fucking-

    13. RW

      Yeah, yeah.

    14. JR

      ... a dead body.

    15. RW

      Right, down.

    16. JR

      And both those bits were fucking genius.

    17. RW

      And it's the same with, uh, uh, uh, like, it's the same with 9/11, you know, if you're good enough...... of a writer-

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. RW

      ... you can do material about that. But if you, if, but if, but you better be good. Yeah.

    20. JR

      You better have somewhere to go. That is-

    21. RW

      Yeah, you better have somewhere to go. And, and I heard a couple of good pieces, I don't remember who did them, but, you know. Uh, but, like, the week afterwards, the guy that, uh, it was some guy that was the opening act, was trying to riff on it, and I got him over to the side and I said, "Hey, dude, not, uh... This is my stage right here."

    22. JR

      (laughs)

    23. RW

      "And normally I don't tell other comics what to do, uh, but until you have something to say about it that's, uh, that's really, really funny, you just, I don't want you bringing it up."

    24. JR

      Yeah, that's a t- that's a tough one, 'cause you could kill the whole show. Some middle act goes on and you lost friends in the Towers, and that was a week ago.

    25. RW

      Right.

    26. JR

      I mean, that... There's, like, levels of tragedy. That's a real tough one to find humor in. I'm not saying that someone can't do it. There's people, people find comedy in everywhere.

    27. RW

      Mm-hmm.

    28. JR

      And it's legit. They do, they, they are perspective.

    29. RW

      Right. No, it's just the, i- it's just the eye, you know? How good are you? So...

    30. JR

      Yeah, and then you also gotta-

  8. 16:30 – 19:25

    Politics, Trump-era sensitivity, and the ‘gas station argument’ moment

    1. JR

      Yeah. The, the, Trump jokes are interesting because, uh, I don't remember anybody getting mad at you for Bush jokes.

    2. RW

      Right.

    3. JR

      Like, it's different.

    4. RW

      They were just jokes. Right.

    5. JR

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you were a, like, a Bush supporter, you could crack a joke about the way he spells potato or something's like... And nobody gave a fuck.

    6. RW

      Right.

    7. JR

      People didn't care. It was a different thing. Even if people were supporting him-

    8. RW

      It wasn't Bush, by the way, that spelled potato wrong. It was this bastard-

    9. JR

      Oh, that's right, it was Quayle.

    10. RW

      It was Quayle.

    11. JR

      Quayle, that's right. That's right.

    12. RW

      That's how these rumors get started, man.

    13. JR

      Yeah. It is how they get started.

    14. RW

      Yeah, you conspiracy dudes over here.

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. RW

      Blowing off this who spelled potato wrong shit.

    17. JR

      Oh, that's right, it was him. Um, Bush fucked some things up too though, didn't he?

    18. RW

      Well...

    19. JR

      Didn't he fuck some stuff up?

    20. RW

      I don't-

    21. GP

      There's a whole album, like, the Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.

    22. JR

      Yeah.

    23. GP

      And he says like, "Fool me once, shame on you."

    24. RW

      (laughs)

    25. JR

      Yeah, yeah.

    26. GP

      "Third class."

    27. JR

      Shame on me again. I don't know.

    28. GP

      (laughs)

    29. JR

      You know, what's interesting about Bush is when he was running for governor of Texas, he had a completely different way of communicating. He talked like a really smart guy. He's very articulate. I mean, he was a, a smooth, smooth talker.

    30. RW

      You're talking about this guy, W?

  9. 19:25 – 28:43

    Presidents and power appetites: Clinton golf story and leadership decadence

    1. JR

      ... did you know the story about Clinton?

    2. RW

      We- I know s- (laughs) I know some.

    3. JR

      Well, I don't know (laughs) with the, with being off the book. Clinton was such a good orator that the teleprompter went off. It broke, like, five minutes into his fucking speech, and he did all that shit my memory, just did the whole-

    4. RW

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      ... goddamn thing by memory.

    6. RW

      You know, I played, uh, nine holes of golf with him.

    7. JR

      What was he like?

    8. RW

      And, uh, it was... Well, there's still security, secret service all around him.

    9. JR

      Right.

    10. RW

      And so it was a private, uh, golf course. Uh, Larry Ellison, uh, that owns Oracle-

    11. JR

      Oh, wow.

    12. RW

      ... uh, owns this private golf course that has four ten-... He's a big tennis guy, so he puts on the tennis stuff out in Palm Springs. And nobody plays his course, and he doesn't play golf. And, uh, uh, it's just his private... It's just a deal, you know?

    13. JR

      He's got his own course?

    14. RW

      He's got his... Yeah, he's got his own course, and-

    15. JR

      Jesus.

    16. RW

      (clears throat) He, he played through our group in, at Shadow Creek in Beverly Hill-... I mean, in, uh, in Vegas. A really exclusive course, impossible to get on, and, and he was playing by himself. And he was on the tee box, and I said, "It's lonely at the top, isn't it, Larry?" And he goes, "Yep." (laughs)

    17. JR

      (laughs)

    18. RW

      And hit his ball, and it went off by himself. And, uh...

    19. JR

      Wow.

    20. RW

      But he wasn't even there, but, but Clinton was, and he told me a, a story. He goes... This friend of his is a record producer, Rap Wreckers, big... Now, he didn't tell me who it was and didn't tell me who the artist was either, but the, the artist was all thugged out, and he was in a Ferrari store and, and, uh, and, uh, the salesman goes, "Are you thinking about buying this car?" And the guy goes, "No, I'm gonna buy the car. I'm thinking about pussy." (laughs)

    21. JR

      (laughs)

    22. RW

      So, the, the... Clinton told me a story that had the word pussy in it, and, uh-

    23. JR

      That's a fucking great story.

    24. RW

      ... I, I, I-

    25. JR

      Clinton told you that story?

    26. RW

      Yeah, Clinton, Clinton told me that.

    27. JR

      That's a great fucking story. That is a great story. That poor bastard.

    28. RW

      Yeah. You know, he is-

    29. JR

      He could just be fr-... He's almost like a comic, like he could just be free.

    30. RW

      Yeah.

  10. 28:43 – 47:04

    Golf obsession: daily play, hole-in-ones, and a moving story about Ron’s late friend

    1. RW

      Right, I play foot every... I play golf every day, so-

    2. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    3. RW

      ... uh, so-

    4. JR

      So it's a real problem.

    5. RW

      It's a real problem to me.

    6. JR

      Yeah. Every day?

    7. RW

      Every day I can. Not every day, but every day I can.

    8. JR

      Golf is one of those games, man. Guys, just get fucking into golf.

    9. RW

      Yeah. It's, you know, it's... You know, look at, look at what you're into, you know? The, it, the, it, it, it's something that you do and you've always done and-

    10. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    11. RW

      ... and you just, you just keep doing it, you know? But-

    12. JR

      I get it.

    13. RW

      And I watch it on television like it's a soap opera. I just watched 80 hours of The Players.

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. RW

      It also gives me a reason not to exercise, you know? 'Cause I got this golf to watch.

    16. JR

      Yeah.

    17. RW

      And, uh, it...

    18. JR

      Well, it, it... Golf does give you some exercise though. That's a fact. You are walking around.

    19. RW

      It's better than being sedentary

    20. NA

      Yeah, that's right.

    21. JR

      ... yeah. You're walking around, and you're thinking, you know, and you're planning shit out, looking at the curves of the-

    22. RW

      Yeah, thinking-

    23. JR

      ... grass and yeah.

    24. RW

      ... and measuring and-

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. RW

      ... and trying to work out, solve problems-

    27. JR

      Yeah.

    28. RW

      ... and so, um-

    29. JR

      I get it. I'm just terrified, terrified I'll be one of you guys out there every day.

    30. RW

      Yeah, right. Now-

  11. 47:04 – 1:08:02

    UFC commentary and celebrity fighters: McGregor clip, Aldo KO breakdown, and announcer PTSD

    1. RW

      So, d-... What, what, uh... I know it's your show, but, uh, what... H- how many fights do you do now? And does anybody care about a fight you don't announce?

    2. JR

      T- oh, they'd s- for sure care. Yeah, I do, uh, 10 a year.

    3. RW

      10 a year.

    4. JR

      10 events a year. I'm doing, like, uh, the big pay-per-views, like 10 of them.

    5. RW

      Yeah.

    6. JR

      There's a lot of them that are overseas. I just... I'm traveling so fucking far.

    7. RW

      But they want you to be the voice, right?

    8. JR

      Well, um-

    9. RW

      And you just don't have the time, and-

    10. JR

      I just don't have the time.

    11. RW

      Yeah.

    12. JR

      I don't have the time with all... with the podcasts and with doing standup and, you know, making Netflix specials and shit.

    13. RW

      Right.

    14. JR

      There's just no time. But-

    15. RW

      Right. No, yeah, fuck no. I know there's no time.

    16. JR

      I like it better when I do it once a month, like once, like 10 times a year is basically once a month.

    17. RW

      Right.

    18. JR

      I like, I like that better because it seems-

    19. RW

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      ... like that's, um-

    21. RW

      And it's the higher profile stuff and-

    22. JR

      I don't mind the... Uh, there's a lot of fights that are not that high profile that I love.

    23. RW

      It's like they're Crosby, Stills, and Nash, and you're young.

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. RW

      Right? You just pop in and do the big shows and-

    26. JR

      Oh, that's funny.

    27. RW

      ... people, you know-

    28. JR

      Yeah, I-

    29. RW

      ... don't care as much, but, uh-

    30. JR

      I love doing it, man. I love doing it. I still do. But, um-

Episode duration: 2:48:58

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