Joe Rogan Experience #1270 - Lenny Clarke

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Five, four, three, two,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      Five, four, three, two, one. Fucking yeehaw. (clapping) Lenny Clarke, ladies and gentlemen-

   2. LCLenny Clarke0:11

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      ... and his brother, Mike. Mike Clarke, the second man to ever give me paid work ever in my entire professional career-

   4. LCLenny Clarke0:17

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      ... opening up for Lenny at Jay's in Pittsfield.

   6. LCLenny Clarke0:20

      (laughs) Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      Right?

   8. LCLenny Clarke0:21

      Right, yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:22

      Shit, yeah.

   10. LCLenny Clarke0:23

       Yeah, I remember that place, yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       Norm the Foe gig.

   12. LCLenny Clarke0:25

       For... And I don't even know if Norm's around anymore, but I remember that gig like it was yesterday.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       That guy paid my rent many times, many times.

   14. LCLenny Clarke0:34

       Mm-hmm. Good guy.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       And you did too.

   16. LCLenny Clarke0:36

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:36

       Working for you paid my rent ma-... I worked for- (laughs)

   18. LCLenny Clarke0:39

       (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       I worked for Mike one of the craziest gigs I ever did. Yeah, I think it was a one-and-done. You never did it again. It was a restaurant. And I was in the seating area. And the microphone for the people when they announce their table was tied-

   20. LCLenny Clarke0:50

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       ... to the PA system.

   22. LCLenny Clarke0:51

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       So you'd be in the middle of this punchline. You'd be like, "So I said to the guy, 'Clarke, party of two.'"

   24. LCLenny Clarke0:58

       (laughs)

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       "Party of two, Clarke, your table's ready."

   26. LCLenny Clarke1:00

       (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00

       Like, oh, no.

   28. LCLenny Clarke1:02

       Was that... That was at the Mexican place down at the Cape, wasn't it?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:04

       Down at the Cape? No, it wasn't a Mexican place.

   30. LCLenny Clarke1:06

       (clears throat)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah. …

   1. LCLenny Clarke15:00

      you know, mid- opening, mid act, closer.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      Yeah.

   3. LCLenny Clarke15:03

      And I was always the closer and I'm going, "Hey man, if I host it, I can do lines and smoke dope in between the guys."

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:10

      (laughs)

   5. LCLenny Clarke15:10

      And I said, "Well, if someone has a bad set, I could pick it up or I can..."

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:13

      Yeah.

   7. LCLenny Clarke15:13

      "... you know, be the buffer while they get over that guy." And it just took off.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      Well, it was a great way of doing it.

   9. LCLenny Clarke15:20

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:20

       It really was. And then you would kind of close it too, right?

   11. LCLenny Clarke15:23

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, you know, there were different nights, different crowds too. Like Gav, like I, I was always working Wednesdays and I'd be other clubs at... But I always wanted to work Gav's show because Gav had a great show and, and they didn't like me. It was like Gav's crowd did not go for me. They hated me and I said, "What the fu-" You know what I mean? It was a whole... And I had to learn to adapt to different audiences- Mm-hmm.

   13. LCLenny Clarke15:46

       ... because-

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       What was the difference between Gavin's crowd?

   15. LCLenny Clarke15:49

       Gav used to say it was more, uh, they were smart (laughs) They were smart.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:53

       They were smarter?

   17. LCLenny Clarke15:54

       They were smart.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       (laughs)

   19. LCLenny Clarke15:56

       Well, he was a smart motherfucker. Oh yeah, he's got more degrees than a momma. He's got a couple of master's, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:01

       Yeah. Yeah, he's a genius.

   21. LCLenny Clarke16:02

       Oh, man, we used to-

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       His fucking comedy was so sharp. He would have punch lines you never saw coming-

   23. LCLenny Clarke16:07

       Right.

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:07

       ... on top of punch lines you never saw coming. You were recovering-

   25. LCLenny Clarke16:10

       Killer.

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:10

       ... from the last punch line, then he would hit you with another one.

   27. LCLenny Clarke16:12

       Oh, yeah. It was-

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:13

       Ugh.

   29. LCLenny Clarke16:14

       The first time I saw him, he came on and I, I watched him and I said to him after the show, "How long have you been doing this?" He goes, "It's my first time." I go, "You're fucking lying." Gav goes, "We're not off to a good start," right?

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       (laughs)
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) …

   1. LCLenny Clarke30:00

      Ridley Scott or his brother, one of the famous Scott directors. And a kid comes out. I say, "How many people are in there?" He goes, "13." I said, 'cause I always like to know how many are in the room 'cause you don't wanna go in there. So I walk in and, uh, a- and I look at the paper. He goes, "You ready?" I go, "Yeah." I throw the script on the floor. He goes, "I guess you are ready." He goes, "Hit it." Dimes was hitting from the left, I was hitting from right. And I said, "You better like it 'cause you're never gonna lick pussy again." He goes, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where does it say lick pussy?" I said, "Right in the script." He picks it up, he says, "Like pussy." I said, "Well, if you like it, you lick it, right?"

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:28

      (laughs)

   3. LCLenny Clarke30:28

      Everyone in the room breaks out laughing. He goes, "Get out! Get out of my office!"

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:31

      (laughs)

   5. LCLenny Clarke30:31

      I say, "Well, that was great." So I'm driving home-

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:34

      Ugh.

   7. LCLenny Clarke30:34

      ... and my agent calls me and says, "What did you do to Ridley Scott?"

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:37

      (laughs)

   9. LCLenny Clarke30:37

      I go, "What?" He go, he said, "You're a brilliant actor, but you gotta get off the drugs." I said, "I haven't done coke in two weeks! I was serious for this part!" Who's he giving it to? Tom Sizemore and Chris Penn!

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:47

       Aah!

   11. LCLenny Clarke30:47

       They get the job! So there's no justice.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:49

       That's hilarious.

   13. LCLenny Clarke30:50

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       It's the guys who were like-

   15. LCLenny Clarke30:52

       Yeah, yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:52

       ... up to their neck in coke. (laughs)

   17. LCLenny Clarke30:54

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:55

       Oh.

   19. LCLenny Clarke30:56

       Oh my God.

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:57

       That's crazy that they got that upset. I'm having fun. I'm pretending I'm having fun with you, all right?

   21. LCLenny Clarke31:01

       I, I, I make them believe I'm having fun with you.

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:02

       Yeah.

   23. LCLenny Clarke31:02

       It just all it took-

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:03

       No, 'cause I thought we were-

   25. LCLenny Clarke31:04

       ... pow!

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:04

       ... back, you know, having fun.

   27. LCLenny Clarke31:05

       They, they reel you in, they're giving you, offering you millions of dollars. And I'm thinking, "Oh, i- isn't this nice?" You know?

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:11

       (clears throat) That's the problem with people that have so much power, they want you to suck their dick every second of the day.

   29. LCLenny Clarke31:16

       Mm-hmm.

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:16

       And as soon as there's any deviation at all, they think you're, "Oh, you think you're a smartass? You're done in this town."
4. 45:00 – 59:04

   Man. …

   1. LCLenny Clarke45:00

      yeah, about a little over a year ago, I think it was. Wow. I think all the people that we worked with th- that, they're not here anymore. A lot of them gone. Mm.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      Man.

   3. LCLenny Clarke45:08

      My good god. Except the ones that suck.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:10

      (laughs)

   5. LCLenny Clarke45:10

      Still out there fucking still kicking. Hey, I worked... You know, (coughs) you always make it a point... And, uh, but people stealing material. One of the biggest thieves that ever lived was Ali Joe Prata. I never met him. All right. Uh, he was this big red- big, fat, redneck guy, right? And we're working down south someplace, maybe Florida. And we're in the green room, and he watches The Tonight Show. And it's on, and we're doing the late show. And Carson comes out and does his monologue. And after his monologue, "All right, ladies and gentlemen, Ali Joe Prata." He went out and did Carson's (laughs) monologue and got robbed a standing ovation. I'm going, "No one will ever know." There was no VCIs back then. There were no tapes. There were nothing. I go, "Unbel- Wow. And he stole one of my jokes. "Man, you stole my joke." He said, "Yeah, but I do it better." I go, "No, you don't." Ah! "You just add a sudden twang to it, man. That's all."

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:57

      "Yeah, but I do it better."

   7. LCLenny Clarke45:58

      Yeah, yeah. That's what... That's what he would say to these young kids. "Yeah, man, but I do it better."

   8. JRJoe Rogan46:02

      Well, you know, back in the day, in the Catskills times, they all stole.

   9. LCLenny Clarke46:05

      Mm.

   10. JRJoe Rogan46:06

       Like, there was, there was no honor amongst thieves back then. And everyone just had jokes. There were just joke-jokes. Like, you almost had like a toolbox. Like, "Oh, I needed three-eighths."

   11. LCLenny Clarke46:15

       Mm-hmm. You know?

   12. JRJoe Rogan46:16

       Yeah, yeah.

   13. LCLenny Clarke46:16

       Right.

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:17

       And they... And then as television came along and then people started getting in trouble for stealing.

   15. LCLenny Clarke46:22

       Mm.

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:22

       You know, Robin got in trouble.

   17. LCLenny Clarke46:23

       Oh, yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:23

       And a few other guys got in trouble. And then it sort of died off until, like... I mean, when YouTube came along, then it kinda killed it. There's a... still a few thieves that are still running around to this day, and some of them are famous.

   19. LCLenny Clarke46:36

       Mm.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:37

       But most of the audience knows now.

   21. LCLenny Clarke46:40

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:40

       And if you, like, look at someone who's a thief and then you look at their Instagram comments, like, holy shit, people go after them.

   23. LCLenny Clarke46:45

       Yeah. Mm-hmm.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:45

       And people know now. They know it's the darkest thing you can do-

   25. LCLenny Clarke46:48

       Right.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:48

       ... when a guy works or a girl works forever on a bit, and then you just come along with a finished product and snatch it and switch a couple words around.

   27. LCLenny Clarke46:55

       Oh. Ah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:55

       And pretend, pretend you came up with it on your own.

   29. LCLenny Clarke46:58

       Well, when I started, I, I, I was working as a janitor in City Hall at Cambridge. And I took the other janitors out for beers. We went to the Springfield Station when we saw Sweeney. And we saw Sweeney and Bill Campbell, and I'm going, "Oh, my God, Sweeney was just... He was..." I said, "Wow, this guy, I've never seen anything like it." And a couple of guys, uh, um, just a couple other comics went on to make... The, the janitor said, "You're funnier than these guys. You should do it." So I talked to George MacDonald about it at school the next day, and he goes, "Yeah, man." He says, "You should be a comedian." I go, "What's that?" He goes, "That's what you saw last night."

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:28

       (laughs)

Episode duration: 2:09:53