Joe Rogan Experience #1280 - Michael Yo

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Will you go through…

   1. MYMichael Yo0:00

      Will you go through all three of those? (coffee machine clicks)

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      No. (coffee machine clicks) No.

   3. MYMichael Yo0:02

      Oh, okay.

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      No. One other one is for you.

   5. MYMichael Yo0:04

      Oh, okay, good.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:04

      Just in case you wanted two.

   7. MYMichael Yo0:05

      Good.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      (laughs)

   9. MYMichael Yo0:06

      (laughs) 'Cause all yo- that's a beast.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:08

       Ridiculous.

   11. MYMichael Yo0:08

       You're a fucking beast goin' through three co- (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:10

       Oh, we're live.

   13. MYMichael Yo0:11

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:12

       (laughs)

   15. MYMichael Yo0:12

       That's like-

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:12

       You're a beast. We're tryna figure out how much... I think these are 270 milligrams of caffeine. If you drank three of these, Jamie, that would kill you, right? That would kill you?

   17. NANarrator0:21

       Uh, no.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:21

       No.

   19. MYMichael Yo0:21

       Wouldn't kill you.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:22

       It would fuck you up.

   21. MYMichael Yo0:23

       I thought you walked in with three coffees. I was like-

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:25

       Oh, I just- (laughs)

   23. MYMichael Yo0:25

       ... "Goddamn, Rogan, you're gonna die. Like straight up die after the show."

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       No. One is for you.

   25. MYMichael Yo0:30

       Okay.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       And, uh, hopefully we won't need both... Well, I- I don't know. I've, I've drank both of them before on a show-

   27. MYMichael Yo0:34

       I, uh-

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       ... which is like 500 plus milligrams.

   29. MYMichael Yo0:36

       I'm addicted to coffee, though, man. I will just drink it. When I'm- I don't even need a high.

   30. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       I love it.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   It's a foolish insecurity.…

   1. MYMichael Yo15:00

      man. It was a different time.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      It's a foolish insecurity. 'Cause if you say you love you, if you say I love you to someone, um, either they love you back and it feels great, or they don't and you don't hang out with them anymore.

   3. MYMichael Yo15:11

      (laughs) It's so true. You ever say I love you to somebody-

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:15

      It's fucking easy.

   5. MYMichael Yo15:15

      ... and they're like, "Eh."

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:16

      Well, I, I reserve it for people that I love. And usually they love you too.

   7. MYMichael Yo15:20

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:20

      Unless you're, there's something wrong with your wiring.

   9. MYMichael Yo15:22

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       Unless you're looking at it wrong, you know?

   11. MYMichael Yo15:24

       Yeah, I, no, that's never happened to me, Joe-

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:27

       But I-

   13. MYMichael Yo15:27

       ... where I've told somebody I loved them and they said n- nothing back.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       It can happen, is it, dudes clam up sometimes. Tell a friend you love them. "Hey, I love you, man." They go, "Yikes."

   15. MYMichael Yo15:35

       Yeah. (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       (laughs)

   17. MYMichael Yo15:37

       This is not for me. Where does...

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:39

       This is too weird, man. I grew up in Nebraska.

   19. MYMichael Yo15:43

       But I think it's also a young dude thing too. When you're young, you know, you're macho. You don't wanna say I love you to another dude.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:48

       Yeah, for sure.

   21. MYMichael Yo15:49

       Now when y- when you get older, like...

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       Especially if you living in Nebraska.

   23. MYMichael Yo15:51

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       Nebraska. I'm just kidding, Nebraska.

   25. MYMichael Yo15:53

       (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:53

       Don't get uptight. Somebody sent me a box of Nebraska T-shirts 'cause I shouted Nebraska once.

   27. MYMichael Yo15:56

       Like the Cornhuskers?

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:58

       Like, listen, son, I ain't wearing that. Look. (laughs)

   29. MYMichael Yo16:01

       (laughs) My, my wife's father is from Nebraska.

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:04

       Is he?
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) I'm dumb. I'm…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      (laughs) Jamie's my ... That's my translation of dictionary. (laughs) I, uh ... I'm pr- They both come from L-

   2. MYMichael Yo30:04

      (laughs) I'm dumb. I'm dumb, so there you go.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:06

      But anyway, this cheese that we would use was disgusting. It smelled so bad, but apparently it tastes really good if you're into that kinda cheese.

   4. MYMichael Yo30:15

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:16

      Like, Bourdain was really into stinky cheese. Like he would talk to me about it like with passion, like the- just the l- the fucking stinkier, the better. Like disgusting smelling cheese, and the taste is fantastic. I'd be like, "Wow." I would think that the smell would fuck up your taste buds.

   6. MYMichael Yo30:32

      Would turn you off. Yeah, absolutely. I-

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:33

      Pare- I don't know. It's like one of those things where I guess you catch like the right vibe, like you go in it with the right attitude and you-

   8. MYMichael Yo30:41

      There is no attitude. If it stinks, fuck that, dude. Like I can't eat anything that smells.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:46

      So we would take this expensive cheese and they would squeegee it off into a blender.

   10. MYMichael Yo30:49

       ... nah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:49

       And then they'd blend it up with the other stuff, like worms and shit, it would make the worms taste horrific or smell horrific.

   12. MYMichael Yo30:55

       Oh, so you were just messing with their, uh, smell sense.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:58

       Yes.

   14. MYMichael Yo30:58

       So it could make it seem like it was worse than it really was.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       It was making it worse because it smelled worse, so it was making it more like (retching) -

   16. MYMichael Yo31:04

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:05

       ... so you could smell it, but (retching) -

   18. MYMichael Yo31:07

       (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:08

       ... people would just start retching. (retches)

   20. MYMichael Yo31:09

       (laughs)

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:11

       It was, it's a ridiculous fucking thing. It's a ridiculous thing. Like, to, the show was r- really silly.

   22. MYMichael Yo31:18

       No, but I, I love that these people wanted to be famous, you know.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:21

       Well, you did too, bro. (sighs)

   24. MYMichael Yo31:23

       But I was-

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:24

       (laughs)

   26. MYMichael Yo31:24

       But let me tell you... (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:25

       (laughs)

   28. MYMichael Yo31:26

       No, no, no, no, no, but I, I was different. (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:28

       Uh-huh, me too, me too.

   30. MYMichael Yo31:29

       No, no, no.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Sh- no, I couldn't.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      miles an hour.

   2. MYMichael Yo45:00

      Sh- no, I couldn't.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      I'll probably get eaten.

   4. MYMichael Yo45:02

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:03

      Fuck.

   6. MYMichael Yo45:03

      Can you imagine? You're, like, 20 yards away from this thing, and you're like, "Ah, it's not gonna b-" and then it just runs up on you.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:09

      Well, they say if you ever get chased by an alligator, too, the thing is to juke 'em. Go left and go right.

   8. MYMichael Yo45:14

      Look at... (laughs) Oh, my God.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:15

      Yeah, the, the, the picture's terrifying, man.

   10. MYMichael Yo45:17

       Oh, my God.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:17

       That one scares the shit out of me. That scares the shit out of me. I mean, look at that guy's... He's airborne.

   12. MYMichael Yo45:24

       (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:24

       He's, he's launching himself in the air, trying to get away from that thing.

   14. MYMichael Yo45:28

       Dude, these things do not... Look at that.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       Yeah, they chase after boats in the water. They swim fast. Yeah, they try to fuck you up-

   16. MYMichael Yo45:34

       Uh-uh.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:34

       ... man. They'll try to fuck you up.

   18. MYMichael Yo45:35

       500 people a year, dude. Hippos.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:37

       "Husband sees hippo bite out wife's heart."

   20. MYMichael Yo45:40

       What?

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       Oh, my God.

   22. NANarrator45:42

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:43

       Oh, my God. Imagine your wife falls into the water and that you see the hippo rip open her ribcage.

   24. MYMichael Yo45:49

       Ugh.

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:49

       Oh, I would be a hippo punisher.

   26. MYMichael Yo45:52

       Ugh.

   27. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       I would go back to Africa every year-

   28. MYMichael Yo45:54

       And kill e- every one of 'em.

   29. JRJoe Rogan45:56

       ... I'd, I'd kill every one of 'em. I'd be responsible for hippo extinction.

   30. MYMichael Yo45:58

       (laughs)
5. 1:00:00 – 1:03:00

   Now, was it true…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      some big ass football player or some, like, super athlete, you're probably not gonna be able to hold these guys off. They're g- they're gonna, they're gonna choke you.

   2. MYMichael Yo1:00:07

      Now, was it true you were gonna, uh, fight Wesley Snipes?

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:10

      That was way later though.

   4. MYMichael Yo1:00:11

      Way later?

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

      I was a brown belt by then and I'd been doing a lot of training.

   6. MYMichael Yo1:00:14

      Would you have beaten him?

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:16

      I don't know 'cause we d- we never did it.

   8. MYMichael Yo1:00:18

      You never did it, right?

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

      He's a real martial artist.

   10. MYMichael Yo1:00:20

       Okay.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

       He's a real martial artist, but he doesn't know jujitsu. The thing is-

   12. MYMichael Yo1:00:23

       Well, that must've been exciting though for you. Tr-

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

       Oh, super exciting.

   14. MYMichael Yo1:00:26

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:26

       'Cause I was thinking like, I knew that he was a real, legitimate martial artist. Like, he throws kicks and punches and it looks really good.

   16. MYMichael Yo1:00:33

       Mm-hmm.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:33

       Like, he really does know his shit. But I also know he never fought. And there's a big difference between throwing kicks and ... A- and I, and I haven't fought in a long time, but I probably fought a hundred times.

   18. MYMichael Yo1:00:45

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       So like, I'd, I've been ... I've felt that nerves. I know what that's like. I ... It'll be crazy as fuck to do it again. That's what I was thinking. I mean, it'll probably scare the shit out of me. But, I think I know what to do.

   20. MYMichael Yo1:00:57

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

       Like, I think I know how to, like, get in there and start feinting, start giving some movement and see how he reacts. And then the worst case scenario is like, I'm like, in a scramble, I'm gonna strangle this guy.

   22. MYMichael Yo1:01:07

       (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:07

       Like, if this, if this comes to a scramble-

   24. MYMichael Yo1:01:09

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:10

       'Cause the y- the average person really doesn't know how helpless they are until a jujitsu black belt grabs ahold of you. And then you just go, "Oh, shit." Like, "I'm helpless." Because in a fight, i- you really think, like, you might be able to punch a guy. Like, "Maybe if he's fighting me and he's swinging at me and I'm swinging at him, maybe I hit him first." You really think that. But there's no swinging i- if it's a jujitsu fight, if y- if, if you guys get into some sort of a tussle and that guy grabs you and trips you and boom, and he's on the ground with his hand on your jacket and a knee on your chest, you're a dead man.You're a dead man, because there's no lucky shots.

   26. MYMichael Yo1:01:48

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:48

       A jujitsu black belt is just gonna close the distance, like that evil fucking crab-

   28. MYMichael Yo1:01:53

       (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:53

       ... and he's just gonna squeeze your fucking neck.

   30. MYMichael Yo1:01:57

       (laughs)

Episode duration: 3:00:31