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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1280 - Michael Yo

Michael Yo is a stand up comedian. His new stand up special "Blasian" is available now on Amazon Prime.

Michael YoguestJoe Roganhost
Apr 9, 20193h 0mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:003:28

    Caffeine math, espresso habits, and “productivity” coffee

    1. MY

      Will you go through all three of those? (coffee machine clicks)

    2. JR

      No. (coffee machine clicks) No.

    3. MY

      Oh, okay.

    4. JR

      No. One other one is for you.

    5. MY

      Oh, okay, good.

    6. JR

      Just in case you wanted two.

    7. MY

      Good.

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. MY

      (laughs) 'Cause all yo- that's a beast.

    10. JR

      Ridiculous.

    11. MY

      You're a fucking beast goin' through three co- (laughs)

    12. JR

      Oh, we're live.

    13. MY

      (laughs)

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. MY

      That's like-

    16. JR

      You're a beast. We're tryna figure out how much... I think these are 270 milligrams of caffeine. If you drank three of these, Jamie, that would kill you, right? That would kill you?

    17. NA

      Uh, no.

    18. JR

      No.

    19. MY

      Wouldn't kill you.

    20. JR

      It would fuck you up.

    21. MY

      I thought you walked in with three coffees. I was like-

    22. JR

      Oh, I just- (laughs)

    23. MY

      ... "Goddamn, Rogan, you're gonna die. Like straight up die after the show."

    24. JR

      No. One is for you.

    25. MY

      Okay.

    26. JR

      And, uh, hopefully we won't need both... Well, I- I don't know. I've, I've drank both of them before on a show-

    27. MY

      I, uh-

    28. JR

      ... which is like 500 plus milligrams.

    29. MY

      I'm addicted to coffee, though, man. I will just drink it. When I'm- I don't even need a high.

    30. JR

      I love it.

  2. 3:285:40

    Adderall as “prescribed speed” and the ADD debate

    1. JR

      I'm scared of Adderall. But people admit they're aller- uh, they're addicted to coffee, and everyone's like, "Ah, me too." If you go, "Dude, I am so addicted to Adderall," they're like, "Okay, Joe."

    2. MY

      Dude.

    3. JR

      "I'm not calling you anymore." (laughs)

    4. MY

      Dude. Like, like you're gonna, you, you're gonna think I'm lame, but 'til five years ago, I didn't even know what Adderall was.

    5. JR

      G- no, I think you're smart.

    6. MY

      Like, I did not-

    7. JR

      Good for you.

    8. MY

      Like, all my friends in Houston, they did it. And I asked my friend, like I text him, and I go, "Hey man, what's your, you got, uh, what's your addy?" And he goes, "Yeah, we got Adderall." I was like, "What are you tal- No, your address to go to your house."

    9. JR

      Ah.

    10. MY

      Like li- literally, he thought I was talking about Adderall, and then he explained to me, like when you're in a club and you wanna stay up and you wanna stay, like, energized, you take Adderall. And I was like, "Oh, okay." But I, I don't drink. So I can stay up 'til three, four o'clock in the morning and be fine.

    11. JR

      What's fascinating about Adderall is what they've essentially done is taken an amphetamine and made it so that if you prescribe it for a condition, right? Like they give it to people who have, uh, well ADD is one of them, right?

    12. MY

      Mm-hmm.

    13. JR

      Whatever the fuck that means. And it's very debatable whether or not you have it or h- don't have it.

    14. MY

      Everybody has ADD.

    15. JR

      Depending upon... I have it for sure.

    16. MY

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      If it's real. If it's real, I have it. But they give you Adderall-

    18. MY

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      ... which is fucking speed. And because it's a medication that you give to somebody who has, supposedly has a condition, and by the way, I'm not m- diagnosing you. If you're out there, you're getting frustrated with me right now.

    20. MY

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Just listen to me. It's fucking speed. Maybe you need speed. Maybe you're that person that needs speed. Maybe you do need it legitimately as a medication, but there's a fuck load of people-

    22. MY

      It's-

    23. JR

      ... that are just doing speed. (laughs)

    24. MY

      So by somebody giving you speed, it's supposed to slow you down so you won't have ADD? Is that the reasoning?

    25. JR

      That's what they say. They say legit, if you have the legit ADD... Look, I am not doubting that some people have whatever the fuck-

    26. MY

      100%.

    27. JR

      ... I have worse than I have it.

    28. MY

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      There's a spectrum, right? With everything. But for some people when they take Adderall or similar type of substances, it actually lets them focus and they can, they can actually be on track.

    30. MY

      So by speeding it up, somehow it focuses in?

  3. 5:408:39

    Doctor skepticism, family attitudes, and Michael’s high-achieving dad

    1. JR

      Weird.

    2. MY

      ... my friend's a doctor, and I was talking to him, and I used to, you know, just pop by to say what's up, and he goes, "Hey man, just to let you know, the more you go to a doctor, the faster you'll die." And I go, "What?"

    3. JR

      (laughs)

    4. MY

      Yeah. He's like, "I just wanna let-"

    5. JR

      What?

    6. MY

      No, yeah, yeah. He says, "The more you go to us, you come to us, the faster you'll die." I was like, "What are you talking about?" 'Cause a lot of doctors are crooked, and they'll give you something for what you think you got. And then after that wears off, they have to give you something else. So now, you just keep filling yourself with stuff to fix the other thing that was wrong.

    7. JR

      Oh.

    8. MY

      And he goes, "Some, some doctors are not good people." And he goes, "The more people go to doctors, the faster they die." Put it in point. My mom beat breast cancer twice, right? And my dad's never been to the doctor. He's 75 years old. Never been to the doctor once. 'Cause he's like, "Well, as soon as you go to the doctor, they tell you something's wrong, you die." You know, literally.

    9. JR

      Yeah, but if you have cancer, you should go to a fucking doctor.

    10. MY

      Well, he didn't have cancer. My mom did.

    11. JR

      Right, but if he had cancer, he should go to a fucking doctor.

    12. MY

      But I don't think he would go even if he had.

    13. JR

      What?

    14. MY

      Yeah. He's just-

    15. JR

      But your mom beat it twice, and she's still here.

    16. MY

      Yeah. Yeah, she is.

    17. JR

      So it doesn't mean-

    18. MY

      And the second time she beat it, she didn't even tell me she had it.

    19. JR

      Doesn't your dad wanna beat it if he gets it?

    20. MY

      Nah.

    21. JR

      Yeah, he's fuck it.

    22. MY

      My dad is the kind of dude who's like, "Hey, I've been through a lot, I'm fine." Like, he's, he hates going to the doctor. The on- only time he went to the doctor he had a back problem. And that's it.

    23. JR

      I mean, feel like if he met a good doctor.

    24. MY

      But that's old school.

    25. JR

      What if he met a good doctor? Like a doctor that he likes, like a guy he plays golf with or some shit. Does your dad play golf?

    26. MY

      Not, my dad, my dad is not social.

    27. JR

      He's not?

    28. MY

      No.

    29. JR

      No?

    30. MY

      No. I'm totally-

  4. 8:3912:44

    Street fights, head injuries, and why knockouts can be fatal

    1. JR

      Jamie, was it you that was telling me yesterday about the guy who's the EMT who sees... Tell me, tell me what you told me.

    2. NA

      He said, he said he was listening to the podcast we did with Luis J Gomez about people getting head injuries. Uh, and he has been doing it I believe for like 15 years or so, like, doesn't do it every single day, 'cause you don't work every single day, but on a three-day basis or so. Every day he works, he sees at least one person dead from a head injury. Whether it's an elderly person, they slipped on ice, something.

    3. JR

      People fall and hit their heads.

    4. MY

      Oh, yeah.

    5. JR

      Like, that's why, please folks, if you're listening to me and you wanna punch somebody and knock them out, please don't do it. Just go to a gym, get your frustrations out, don't fight on the street. You could kill somebody or you can get killed, even accidentally. Even if you really don't hate the guy that much, you punch him in the face-

    6. MY

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      ... they go unconscious, their head hits the ground. People die all the time. I mean, I've told the story about when Kevin James used to work as a bouncer in Long Island. A, a guy that he was working with punched a guy and killed him.

    8. MY

      Really?

    9. JR

      Yeah. Kevin, Kevin wasn't there but he knew the guy, and the guy accidentally killed a drunk guy. Drunk guy was coming at him, he punched him I guess, I'm, I don't know the whole story. But that shit happens all the time. I've seen guys get knocked out.

    10. MY

      And it's not about the punch though, it's about when they hit their head after the punch.

    11. JR

      You're getting hit by the world.

    12. MY

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      Think about that. Think if the world just dropped on your head. That's what it's like. Your body mass bouncing off a completely-

    14. MY

      Ugh.

    15. JR

      ... especially concrete, there's no give. So your head just ka-clock. It sounds horrible. Wa- listen to someone's head bounce off concrete. It's one of the scariest fucking sounds.

    16. MY

      Ugh.

    17. JR

      It's horrible. Even if you do it to somebody and you wanted to hurt them, when you hear their head bounce off concrete, you're like, "Oh, shit." Like, that's not as simple as, like, you punched them. You punched them and then, you know, whatever they weigh, 190 pounds, with all the mass of grav- all their mass and gravity pulling them towards the ground with nothing slowing it down but meat and head, bang, bone, shoulder.

    18. MY

      I, I, that reminds me when I was 10 years old I was sitting on the curb. And this is the first time I saw death in real life from a head injury.

    19. JR

      Mmm.

    20. MY

      I was sitting with my friend on the curb and a guy was driving a motorcycle, and he was speeding up and down the street. And right on Iriswood in Houston, Texas, he's flying down, a car pulls out. And he hits it, back then they didn't wear helmets, so he literally flew up in the air and landed about 20 feet from us. His head hit first.

    21. JR

      Oh.

    22. MY

      And exploded like a watermelon.

    23. JR

      Oh.

    24. MY

      And this is like, I was 10 years old watching this. So the next morn- you know, the police come, my parents get me, they tell me, "Don't look at it." To put, I, I, I'm, I go out there the next day, it's just blood stains everywhere, and his wife is picking up his hair that's stuck to the concrete.

    25. JR

      Oh.

    26. MY

      And I remember it so vividly. I was, next door neighbor was Eric, and we were sitting on the curb watching this lady pick up her, uh, husband's hair that was stuck in, and that's the first time I ever saw death. And it, it, it, it was, ugh.

    27. JR

      Fuck, man.

    28. MY

      And it was a gnarly death too. It was like that Faces of Death stuff. Like, it was bad. It was bad.

    29. JR

      The, the, they got-

    30. MY

      I never rode a motorcycle because of that.

  5. 12:4421:21

    Generational parenting, saying “I love you,” and instincts passed through DNA

    1. JR

      Kids, you, you shouldn't, it like, when you let boys just wander around...

    2. MY

      It's never good.

    3. JR

      It's never. The dumb shit that they do that they think is okay. "Let's try this." "Hey, take those fireworks and stick 'em in this tree, this old l- rotted down tree. Let's blow it up." (laughs)

    4. MY

      Yeah, and the, and the problem is, I think, (laughs) I think, I think today parents, at least we know more. I feel we tell, but like our parents, at least my parents, they didn't really give me guidance. You know?

    5. JR

      Right.

    6. MY

      They were kind of like, "Hey, figure it out on your own."

    7. JR

      Mine too. Yeah.

    8. MY

      Yeah, and-

    9. JR

      I think that was that generation, though.

    10. MY

      Yeah, they, yeah. Like my parents-

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. MY

      ... is the parents that didn't tell you they loved me till I was 29, and I forced them to.

    13. JR

      Oh, wow.

    14. MY

      It's that kind of thing. Yeah.

    15. JR

      That's different. Yeah, my parents told me they loved me all the time. (laughs)

    16. MY

      (laughs) My parents were hippies. You know my mom and stepdad are hippies.

    17. JR

      I, I don't know. Maybe it was my...

    18. MY

      In a, in a good way. They're like really, really nice people.

    19. JR

      In a good way. Yeah, I don't...

    20. MY

      But, um, yeah, man, th- they didn't tell me shit though, sp- like the, what to do.

    21. JR

      Yeah.

    22. MY

      They told my why are your grades so bad? I'm like, "I don't, what the fuck do I do? Tell me, someone tell me what to do." (laughs) But they've worked, man. You know like when, and you have, like if you have full-time job and the wife has a full-time job and you're raising children, man, how much time does that really leave?

    23. JR

      I mean, none.

    24. MY

      You don't get home until 6:00, 7:00. Like Wendy get out of work at 5:00. Like by the time you get home, kids been home from school for three hours, they're already exhausted.

    25. JR

      Yeah.

    26. MY

      They just wanna eat and go to sleep.

    27. JR

      Yeah.

    28. MY

      Like you're not learning anything about each other for like five days a week.

    29. JR

      Well, I, that's my, my mom worked for my dad, so I got to see my mom a lot.

    30. MY

      Mm-hmm.

  6. 21:2138:55

    Fear Factor nostalgia: early seasons, gross food, and “donkey cum” cancellation

    1. JR

      Like, s- like, here's one. Ophidiophobia, or arachnophobia, fear of snakes or spiders. Those... Have you ever seen anybody who has that? Well, you were on Fear Factor with me.

    2. MY

      Oh, my God, that was-

    3. JR

      (clears throat)

    4. MY

      ... that was the worst.

    5. JR

      I should say, you were... You made it out, brother.

    6. MY

      No, both.

    7. JR

      Congratulations.

    8. MY

      Yes. All right. (laughs)

    9. JR

      (laughs)

    10. MY

      No, do you remem- I was on the-

    11. JR

      Season one, episode one.

    12. MY

      I was the pilot episode-

    13. JR

      Yeah.

    14. MY

      ... of Fear Factor.

    15. JR

      The pilot episode.

    16. MY

      And that's where I met you-

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. MY

      ... for the first ti- sixtee- can you believe sixteen... What? 2001.

    19. JR

      Yeah.

    20. MY

      What is that? What are we-

    21. JR

      S- that's 18 years ago.

    22. MY

      18 years ago we met.

    23. JR

      Yeah.

    24. MY

      And-

    25. JR

      Because that was, that was right after 9/11.

    26. MY

      Yes.

    27. JR

      Yeah.

    28. MY

      Right after. And they flew us down, and the first time I met you, it was at Saddle Ranch. And you were like, "Welcome-"

    29. JR

      Look at this, dude.

    30. MY

      Oh. (laughs)

  7. 38:5549:23

    Predators everywhere: alligators, Everglades pythons, and respect for nature

    1. MY

      Yeah. I lived in Miami, man, and at the time, I lived in Miami, talk about like-

    2. JR

      You did radio out there, right?

    3. MY

      Yeah, uh, uh, Y100 in Miami.

    4. JR

      That was after Fear Factor.

    5. MY

      After Fear Factor.

    6. JR

      After Factor.

    7. MY

      It landed me that big gig after I was (laughs) after I was on Fear Factor.

    8. JR

      Well, radio was radio back then, though.

    9. MY

      Dude. Oh, yeah.

    10. JR

      It was real.

    11. MY

      It was, it was, like, huge, man. Uh, but I remember they had these lakes and if you go back, like, 10 years ago and look up Florida, people were just jogging around lakes getting snatched by alligators.

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. MY

      Like, just alligators did not give a damn.

    14. JR

      They'll get you.

    15. MY

      They were just snatching people.

    16. JR

      Yeah.

    17. MY

      And I was like, "Why are people jogging?" Like... (laughs)

    18. JR

      (laughs)

    19. MY

      Like, literally I was like, "Stop jogging."

    20. JR

      Well, definitely don't jog near the water.

    21. MY

      No. And that's the thing. Look, I believe, like, eight people within six months got snatched just jogging by some of the-

    22. JR

      Is that real?

    23. MY

      Oh, 100%. Probably about eight to 10 years ago, just jogging.

    24. JR

      I didn't know that, that there was that many deaths ever from alligators.

    25. MY

      Oh, yeah. They were getting snatched.

    26. JR

      One of my favorite ones was a guy who was running from the cops near Miami and, uh, he was in a stolen car, parked his car on a bridge, jumped off the bridge and landed on an alligator.

    27. MY

      (laughs)

    28. JR

      Alligator jacked him in front of the cops.

    29. MY

      Ugh.

    30. JR

      And they were just sitting there going, "Well-"

  8. 49:2353:53

    Video game warfare: Quake Champions addiction and adrenaline loops

    1. MY

      (laughs) What's crazy is, uh, the wh- this whole animal kingdom thing, but one thing that scares me that you were doing when I walked in is playing these fucking shooter games.

    2. JR

      Dude, that game is a real problem. Jamie and I have been going to war for the last, what, two months?

    3. NA

      Yeah, about. Sure. Yeah.

    4. JR

      When'd this start? Like, two months ago?

    5. MY

      Uh, yeah. Maybe like that. It sounds like-

    6. JR

      I'm in full-blown addiction mode now.

    7. NA

      (clears throat)

    8. MY

      But what is the thr- like, I, I-

    9. JR

      What's the thrill?

    10. MY

      Yes.

    11. JR

      Do you see us? We're all sweaty and adrenaline charged.

    12. MY

      Yeah. No, I walked in-

    13. JR

      We're having a great ass time.

    14. MY

      I, uh, I walked in, it looks like I just finished working out. It was, like, crazy.

    15. JR

      Jamie and I were going to war. We go to war. We talk a lotta shit, too. We go to war. (laughs)

    16. MY

      Oh, man. (laughs) I try to, I try... (laughs) Can we talk about it?

    17. JR

      It's fun. It's fun. When he kills me, he talks shit to me. It's rough. You're like, "Goddamn it, he got me. Fuckers."

    18. MY

      Is that a game where people can go online and play with you two?

    19. JR

      No, we don't play with other people.

    20. MY

      Oh, okay. (laughs) Okay.

    21. JR

      No, we jump online. This is the game though.

    22. MY

      This is it.

    23. JR

      This is the game. Yeah, dude, it is a fun ass fucking game. It's, it's called Quake Champions.

    24. MY

      Okay.

    25. JR

      And pe- people right now listening going, "Goddamn it, he's talking about that again?"

    26. MY

      About Quake again?

    27. JR

      But me and Jamie have been, um, and, and Jeff, our other employee, have been playing this fucking constantly.

    28. MY

      See, okay. See, this isn't bad because they're like characters.

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. MY

      Like I was playing one where it's like human beings.

  9. 53:531:05:20

    Self-defense and jiu-jitsu: where to start, gym culture, and belt timelines

    1. MY

      Okay. So, so say I started to go to a fight gym. Like, where would I start at?

    2. JR

      Um-

    3. MY

      Like, what would I do?

    4. JR

      I would say you should try jujitsu 'cause it's fun, it's really good exercise, and you'll learn some stuff.

    5. MY

      Okay.

    6. JR

      Like, you'll learn how to do it. It's, it's a technique-based art. Whereas, like, say if, um, (clicks tongue) if you... Like, there's, there's guys that I will, uh, do jujitsu sparring we call rolling.

    7. MY

      Okay.

    8. JR

      There's guys that I will roll with that are weaker than me, smaller than me, and tap me every time I roll with them. And I'm a black belt.

    9. MY

      Okay.

    10. JR

      Like, that's reality. Like, if there's, there's guys out there that are 150 pounds that I can roll with that I know will tap me virtually every time we roll because their technique is sharper, they train more often than I am, they're more focused, they're more in the groove.

    11. MY

      But I also heard you say, like, on one of your podcasts you gotta watch out who you train with because they might just try to hurt you.

    12. JR

      That's true.

    13. MY

      So I need, I need-

    14. JR

      You gotta go to a good school with good ethics-

    15. MY

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      ... 'cause a g- a good school with good ethics, they get rid of those guys. They toss-

    17. MY

      Do you know, do you know one in Studio City? I'll do it.

    18. JR

      Sure, I'll get you a spot.

    19. MY

      Yeah. No, I-

    20. JR

      We'll find a spot.

    21. MY

      I'll do it. I wanna learn-

    22. JR

      Well, there's a good spot just a little further than that in Tarzana.

    23. MY

      Okay.

    24. JR

      M- Machado's where I got my black belt.

    25. MY

      Uh-huh.

    26. JR

      It's, uh, Jean Jacques Machado. I train there sometimes. And, um, he used to have a place in Malibu, but, uh, it closed down because of the fires. Um, but they, um, they have an outstanding gym. It's, like, one of the best in the country and it's in that area. Like, as far as teaching-

    27. MY

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      ... top notch. Like, but there's a lot of really good-... jujitsu schools now. It's not like, um ... Like, when I started in '96, it was hard to find a good gym. There was only, like, five of 'em in all of California, right?

    29. MY

      Uh-huh.

    30. JR

      'Cause it was just starting out. It was, like, '93 is when jujitsu sort of emerged in the public consciousness because of the UFC. And then they were ... The gyms started, like, popping up.

Episode duration: 3:00:31

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