Joe Rogan Experience #1286 - Anthony Jeselnik

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   ... two, one. Yee-haw!…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:01

      ... two, one. Yee-haw! Hello, Anthony Jeselnik. How are you, sir?

   2. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:06

      Great, Joe. Good to see you.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:07

      What's going on, buddy? Are you, uh, fully committed to the beard now?

   4. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:10

      Yeah. I wanna keep it as long as I can. I really enjoy it.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      Are you gonna go mountain man? Or are you gonna just trim?

   6. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:15

      No, I d-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      You trim a little?

   8. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:16

      I trim a little bit. Uh, I just let, like, the lady who cuts my hair trims it every, like, four weeks when I go in for a haircut, but I don't touch it at all. I'm afraid if I tried to trim it, I would just ruin it.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:27

      Mm.

   10. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:27

       Uh, but I love, love having a beard.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       Why do you love having a beard?

   12. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:31

       It is like, it's like sunglasses for the bottom half of your face.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       Oh, you get to, like-

   14. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:34

       You know what I mean?

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       ... hide from the world.

   16. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:36

       Kind of, yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Ah.

   18. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:37

       It, like, make it ... It, it chills me out a little more.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       Mm, yeah.

   20. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:41

       You know? Especially on stage, like, when I'm, um, you're, you're under the lights, you know, uh, and I'm, I'm ... My lip would start to get a little bit sweaty.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       (laughs)

   22. AJAnthony Jeselnik0:49

       And then I'm thinking about my lip, and I'm like, "Should I wipe this? Should I move it?" And then I start to sweat more, but now that I have the beard and mustache, if my lip gets a little sweaty, you can't tell. So I don't get more anxious over it.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00

       Mm.

   24. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00

       Uh-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       Interesting.

   26. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:01

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       So you used to, like, think, "Hmm, boy, there's a little, couple of beads-"

   28. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:05

       Mm-hmm.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:05

       "... on that upper lip."

   30. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:06

       Yeah, and I'm like, "Can they see it?"
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Did you have like…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      view. I don't, I don't have perspective. I don't have that kinda timing. I definitely don't have that kinda swagger. Like he had a, like a casual swagger, you know, on stage.

   2. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:09

      Did you have like an idol, like someone you were trying to be as a standup?

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:13

      (clears throat) Um...

   4. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:14

      Like in the beginning?

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:15

      I think when I was there probably a bunch of guys. I sounded a lot like Richard Jeni in the beginning.

   6. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:18

      Mm.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      I was kinda stealing, like almost stealing his timing, and then I realized it one ti- one time I was on stage, and I heard myself sound like him, and I was like, "All right, I gotta fix this."

   8. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:28

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:28

      You know? Like-

   10. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:29

       I did that with a, with Dave Attell in New York, where I would like-

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:31

       Everybody did Attell. (laughs)

   12. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:32

       ... I would run downstairs and watch A- E- Attell's set, and then one day, I, I caught myself not doing one of his bits but like one of his mannerism kinda things.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:40

       Yeah.

   14. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:41

       And it's just fun to do, and I felt, I was like, "Th- I gotta stop this." And I went and told SD at, the woman who books the Comedy Cellar, I was like, "I gotta stop watching Dave Attell." And I said it like a confessional, and I thought she was gonna be like, "You're not a real comic then. Everyone watches Attell," and she goes, "Good. Like more people should stop watching Dave Attell."

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:58

       (laughs)

   16. AJAnthony Jeselnik15:59

       Like people are just ripping him off, and I understand why, but, uh-

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:02

       Well, he's got such a bizarre sense of timing-

   18. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:06

       Mm-hmm.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:06

       ... and it's so infectious.

   20. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:07

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:07

       You know?

   22. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:08

       Oh, yeah, just so, so fun-

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:10

       Yeah.

   24. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:10

       ... so fun to watch.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:11

       I've known Dave for like 28 years, I think, and he's always been like that.

   26. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:16

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:16

       He's always had that very strange way of talking.

   28. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:19

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:20

       You know? "Oh, it's a box." (laughs)

   30. AJAnthony Jeselnik16:22

       I've known him pff- maybe 10 years, and I don't know him at all. You know what I mean? Like we've like talked a couple of times, but I don't know anything about the guy. Uh-
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Ah. …

   1. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:00

      of mine, and I was like, I was like th- his favorite comic that they could get.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      Ah.

   3. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:04

      And I'm like on the, I'm on the marquee. It's a sold out show, I have a great set, I walk off and Tommy comes up and he's like, uh, the old manager's like, "Anthony, that was great, man. We gotta, we gotta get you around here, you g- you gotta start hanging out, you know? You gotta start hanging out and doing, you know, d- doing the open mic and stuff." And I'm like, "Tommy-"

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:18

      Doing the open mic?

   5. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:19

      "... my name is on the marquee right now. You just watched me headline this show, like what are you talking about?"And I, then the, I, I don't think I ever saw him again. Next thing-

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:28

      Good.

   7. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:28

      ... I knew, he was fired, and they were like, "What can we do to, to get you back here?"

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:31

      Wow.

   9. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:31

      But I love it.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:32

       Well, that's Adam, you know, right? Adam-

   11. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:33

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       ... did that, the same thing to me. He t- he told me that Tommy got fired, and came to visit me at the Improv.

   13. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:38

       So you were gone-

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:39

       Seven years.

   15. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:40

       ... seven years from the store.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:41

       Yeah.

   17. AJAnthony Jeselnik30:41

       And then when Tommy left, they brought you back in?

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:43

       Yeah. Well, there was two reasons. Um, one, I had to go physically to the store because Ari was filming his Comedy Central special, and is like, that, he's a, you know, Ari's just one of my best friends. And I knew him from the time he was a doorman, and I knew that him filming his special there was so important, and there was no way I was gonna miss it. I was like, "I have to be here." Like, "I have to see this at the store." So I was like, "Ah, fuck it. All right, I gotta go back." And so I decided to go back. I think he was filming on a Wednesday. What, what night is, uh, Roast Battles on Tuesday, right?

   19. AJAnthony Jeselnik31:23

       Yeah, Tuesday, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:23

       So I went down there on a Tuesday. I said, "Let me go down on a Tuesday just to see what's up." And I went to Roast Battle and I was like, "Holy shit, this place is electric. This is crazy." Like, the environment is so much different. It's so creative. And the, the, the night that I was at Roast Battle was fucking fantastic. It was so good. There was so many funny roasters. And I remember thinking, "Wow, this place is just different, man. It just feels so much different." And it wasn't like it is now. Like, w- now, like, you'll go on a Saturday night, they'll have six sold out shows.

   21. AJAnthony Jeselnik31:55

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:55

       They have two shows in the belly room, two in the OR, two in the main room, everything's sold out and packed with headliners, and it's chaos. It wasn't like that.

   23. AJAnthony Jeselnik32:02

       No.

   24. JRJoe Rogan32:02

       It was still sorta shitty, like, in terms of, like, the numbers, but the vibe and the creativity was way different. And the new guys and girls that were coming up, they were fucking good, man. I was like, "Wow, this is a different vibe." I had been gone for almost a decade.

   25. AJAnthony Jeselnik32:18

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:19

       So that brought me in. And like I said, I had to be there for Ari. There was no way, like, I, I, there was no way I could miss it. I had to be there. So I'm like, "All right, I just gotta swallow it." And that was probably what ... Adam, for sure, helped, but I might've stayed away forever if it wasn't for Ari. I just, I had to see it.

   27. AJAnthony Jeselnik32:36

       Wow.

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:37

       You know?

   29. AJAnthony Jeselnik32:37

       Do you like Roast Battle? Do you like, uh, judging that?

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:41

       I get ... I cringe sometimes 'cause they're so fucking mean. (laughs)
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      mean?

   2. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:00

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Versus savages at 11:30 on a Saturday night that are hammered.

   4. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:05

      Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so Whitney Cummings crowd wasn't, uh, into your anti-feminist bit?

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:10

      They laughed. They laughed, because the punchline was good and I, I kn- I had a place to go with it, and the place to go was ultimately mocking men's rights activists. That was the... The, the real thing was the, the, the s-... The setup for that joke is I don't like anybody who's into one thing. And I go, "But the, the... What drives me the most fucking crazy is men's rights activists." I'm like, "Every men's rights activist I ever met, I just wanna grab 'em and go, 'Dude, we got 'em all.'"

   6. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:35

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:35

      "We got all the rights."

   8. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:36

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:36

      "We got 'em all." You know?

   10. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:38

       I can't believe that's a real thing-

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       (laughs)

   12. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:39

       ... men's rights activists.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       Well, it's a real thing if you get divorced and you have child... Uh, it, it, it's, uh, for child custody. Those things are d-... Those things are real. Like, guys really... I know men who have gotten really fucked over in divorce-

   14. AJAnthony Jeselnik45:52

       Mm-hmm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       ... where their wife hired a, a fucking killer lawyer and they drag them through... See, the thing about... And I learned this from Phil Hartman, unfortunately, before he died. Uh, I was trying to tell him to get divorced, and he... I said, "Just give her half, man. You'll make more money." He goes, "It's not half." He goes, "It's two-thirds." He goes, "The fucking lawyers take a third. It's a goddamn scam." You know? He was like... He was f- furious about it, 'cause apparently he had been trying to figure it out, like, how to do it. But I had a friend whose wife, ex-wife dragged it out on purpose 'cause she wanted him to pay the legal bills.

   16. AJAnthony Jeselnik46:26

       Mm-hmm.

   17. JRJoe Rogan46:26

       So he had to pay for her lawyer, he had to pay for his lawyer, and then he had to pay for all of the times that she decided to change the goal posts and mo-... and renegotiate. Like, there's no... No one can say that you can't renegotiate, so she would just renegotiate and just drag things out, and her, her goal was to try to drain him financially.

   18. AJAnthony Jeselnik46:51

       Mm-hmm.

   19. JRJoe Rogan46:51

       So she was doing this on purpose, like, targeting him. So he was essentially paying for the general of the army that was plotting to murder him, and he was slowly going crazy, and I was watching my friend go crazy, and it took several years for it to be completely resolved, and he's still paying her. He's still pai-... He's been divorced for, I think, 12 years now, and he still pays her.

   20. AJAnthony Jeselnik47:14

       Jesus.

   21. JRJoe Rogan47:14

       Like, they didn't have a child, um, and he has a family now. He's married with children now, he... And he still pays this person, still pai-... Like, he fucked her so hard she can't work 12 years later. Yeah, it's... So that's where men's rights activists have a point, because if you're in a state that's particularly, uh, progressive or liberal in, in regards to alimony and child support, the only... Well, the only thing that we win on that is, like, Tom Arnold. Like, we, we got, uh, one on the board for Tom Arnold-

   22. AJAnthony Jeselnik47:45

       Mm-hmm.

   23. JRJoe Rogan47:45

       ... when he divorced... But, uh, the problem with that is I love Roseanne more than I love Tom Arnold. No offense, Tom. But I do, you know? So, like, it bothered me that Roseanne had to pay him. Like, bro, get, get the fuck outta here. You, you can work. Like, why... How come when you're with a successful person, if that successful person says, "G- Fucking kick bricks. Get outta here," you have to pay them? That p- that person has to pay the person they're getting rid of?

   24. AJAnthony Jeselnik48:09

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan48:09

       Why? "Well, oh, he's used to her lifestyle." What?

   26. AJAnthony Jeselnik48:13

       That, uh, that, that, "I'm used to it," is, uh, is the craziest thing.

   27. JRJoe Rogan48:16

       Crazy.

   28. AJAnthony Jeselnik48:16

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan48:17

       It's... The only thing that makes sense is childcare. That makes sense.

   30. AJAnthony Jeselnik48:20

       Mm-hmm.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:04:05

   (laughs) …

   1. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:00

      you're a famous comedian," I'm, like, a little annoyed. But if they have no idea who I am, I'm also a little annoyed.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      (laughs)

   3. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:05

      You know? It's like-

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      (laughs)

   5. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:06

      It's like th- there sh- there should be perks to this-

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:08

      Yes.

   7. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:08

      ... that I'm, uh, that I'm missing out on here.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:09

      Yeah. Um, "Did you not google me?"

   9. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:11

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

       (laughs)

   11. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:13

       "Yeah, you just not a comedy fan? What?"

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:14

       Yeah.

   13. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:14

       "Whata- what, are you from another country? What's going on?"

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:16

       Oh, could you imagine dating someone who didn't like comedy? "Anthony, I love you. You're amazing, but (inhales) I don't like standup."

   15. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:24

       I mean, if it was someone who just, like, didn't like standup, but thought I was great, I could handle it.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       (laughs)

   17. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:30

       You know?

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       They didn't like standup in general, but they liked your material in particular.

   19. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:33

       Like, do you watch a lot of standup?

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:35

       Me?

   21. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:35

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

       I watch it at the clubs. I very rarely sit down and watch a special.

   23. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:40

       Yeah.... it's very-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

       Do you, do you watch the special ever?

   25. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:00:42

       Occa- like, if, like right now I'm working on it and, and uh, trying to put together a new hour, so I'm trying to go back and watch stuff. But for years I didn't watch anything. Um, uh, but like, it's funny, like the three comics that I watch are you, D'Elia, and, um, Sebastian, because I follow you guys at the store.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:00

       Hmm.

   27. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:01:00

       So it's like I, I'm in the room sitting there and like, you're the only three that I watch. Like, I could like, reh- I could like recite your act word for word-

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:06

       (laughs)

   29. AJAnthony Jeselnik1:01:07

       ... uh, and, and I don't watch anyone else. It's so funny to me.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:10

       Well, I think it's great to be, again, at a place like The Store where you can see all these different styles and all these different people doing it. And you also see how we kinda influence each other in the slightest bit. And, you know, that we're all working in these really hot rooms where it's all packed and... But I think it's good to sit down and watch, you know, John Mulaney when he did his... What was that? Where was this, Radio City?

Episode duration: 2:11:21