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The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1293 - Andrew Santino

Andrew Santino is a stand up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast "Whiskey Ginger" available on Apple Podcasts & YouTube.

Joe RoganhostAndrew SantinoguestJamie Vernonguest
May 9, 20193h 5mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:02 – 1:30

    Pool trash talk: cue-ball control, “measles” cue balls, and gear controversy

    1. JR

      Boom, and we're live. Cheeto Santino, ladies and gentlemen, coming to you with the hot ones.

    2. AS

      Hello, sir. How are you?

    3. JR

      What's going on, big daddy?

    4. AS

      Good, brother. Just played a little bit of pool and lost a game, and lost, lost one ill, uh, illegitimately.

    5. JR

      You won one illegitimately, you mean?

    6. AS

      Lost... L- you lost one illegitimately. I won one.

    7. JR

      Well...

    8. AS

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      You know, it was-

    10. AS

      Scratching is not a good way to win.

    11. JR

      It... Uh, we, I scratched the eight ball, ladies and gentlemen. It is, it is the way to win.

    12. AS

      It happens, even to the best.

    13. JR

      But it's, it, it's a real way to win. I'm good. You, uh, you can't... You must control the cue ball.

    14. AS

      I have no, I have no balance over any of that stuff whatsoever. I know there's those little red dots on there.

    15. JR

      Yeah, those are-

    16. AS

      And it means nothing to me.

    17. JR

      Those little red dots are the... They call that the measles cue ball, and that cue ball, they developed for television so that you could watch the ball spin so you know what kinda English the guy puts on the ball.

    18. AS

      That has nothing to do with the person that's shooting whatsoever?

    19. JR

      It does. Yeah, it's... It... The person that, like... For the, for the most... It's a very controversial ball, if you really wanna get into it.

    20. AS

      I do.

    21. JR

      Because, uh, it has a different reaction than a red circle cue ball or a red dot cue ball. Those are the preferred cue balls of a lot of players.

    22. AS

      Right.

    23. JR

      But the measles cue ball's a lit-... It's just maybe the tiniest bit heavier, or, or the surface is different or something.

    24. AS

      But it's still legal.

    25. JR

      The reaction's Yeah.

    26. AS

      Okay.

    27. JR

      But players got... Some players got angry when they came up with it. They didn't like it. They liked the old cue ball. That's how s- precise the reactions are.

    28. AS

      Right.

    29. JR

      When you get to the very top level of pool players.

  2. 1:30 – 3:19

    Golf and consistency: ball feel, club weights, and Bryson’s same-length irons

    1. AS

      Well, it's kinda like golf balls, but people think golf balls don't mean anything to golfers. They do.

    2. JR

      Oh, I'm sure.

    3. AS

      The feel is all... So there's a lot of soft, softer golf balls, like a lot of people, like... Titleist makes pro... There's thing called Pro V1s or Pro V1Xs.

    4. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    5. AS

      Hard or softer. The average Joe who's full of shit, who's like, "I like Pro V1X," it doesn't mean anything to him.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      Some guy that's, like, a 15 or 20 handicap, it means nothing. A guy that's, like, a scratch golfer, like a, like a pro pool player-

    8. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    9. AS

      ... it makes all the difference.

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. AS

      How it comes off the face-

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. AS

      ... how it spins. There's a thing called a mud ball. If it's buried in mud, it cre- it, it reacts differently the moment it comes off the face.

    14. JR

      Oh, because it has mud on it. It's got weight on it.

    15. AS

      Yeah, but it's just even a little bit, right?

    16. JR

      Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

    17. AS

      Even the tiniest bit. Yeah.

    18. JR

      That weight.

    19. AS

      Then you hear pros-

    20. JR

      The thing about... That's impressive about golfers too is they play with a bunch of different weights of clubs.

    21. AS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      S-... Like, a pool player basically uses one cue and maybe one cue to break with, and some players even break with their playing cue. But you, you don't have, like, a bunch of different cues for a bunch of different shots usually.

    23. AS

      Right. Well, there's... 'Cause the distances.

    24. JR

      Well, just get used to the feel of one cue.

    25. AS

      Right.

    26. JR

      So when a player changes cues, like say if you go from a 18-ounce cue to a 21-ounce cue, there's a big difference in the way it hits the ball. It drives through the ball different. You have to make the cue do more of the work-

    27. AS

      Right.

    28. JR

      ... with a heavy, with a heavy cue.

    29. AS

      Do you think it mentally changes the way you strike it?

    30. JR

      Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

  3. 3:19 – 4:03

    “No one right way” in sports: weird techniques that still work (boxing & basketball)

    1. JR

      I don't know jack shit about golf, but there's guys with weird strokes in pool. There's guys with weird technique in boxing, and it still works, you know?

    2. AS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      There's people that do shit different.

    4. AS

      There's no wi-... I don't think there's any right way in sports. Uh, some of the ugliest shots in basketball tend to be some of the most fun-

    5. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    6. AS

      ... to watch, and sometimes they're really good.

    7. JR

      Yeah.

    8. AS

      Like, sometimes... The... Like, the classic Ray Allen basketball stroke is probably the most beautiful jump shot, you know, compared to him and Jordan, but there are guys that have terrible looking shots, but they're fucking phenomenal.

    9. JR

      Mm.

    10. AS

      It's just, it's just consistency and, and their inner balance over, you know, the, the timing that they have and the release that they have. That's just... That's gotta be the same thing in every sport. Pool, same shit.

    11. JR

      Oh, for sure. For sure in boxing too.

    12. AS

      Yeah.

  4. 4:03 – 14:33

    Boxing deep dive: Tommy Hearns, Hagler, and the greatest two rounds ever

    1. JR

      You know, in boxing, it used to be thought that you pretty much, you know... If you went to a, a good trainer, they would teach you to keep your hands up. That was always the way to box. But then you get to a level of, like, a Tommy Hearns. You remember To- the way Tommy Hearns used to fight? He used to keep his left hand low, really low.

    2. AS

      Yeah, down to the side.

    3. JR

      And his right hand cocked-

    4. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    5. JR

      ... and he would snap that left hand at you like a fucking...

    6. AS

      (laughs)

    7. JR

      Like a cobra, man. Just crack. Motor City Cobra. He would just pop that fucker right in your face. That's why he's, they used to call him that.

    8. AS

      'Cause it was coming out of fucking nowhere.

    9. JR

      The Detroit hit man, Tommy Hearns. He was a bad motherfucker, dude. And then bang! He would hit you with that right hand. And he had so much torque 'cause he was really wide.

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      He was really long and wide for a welterweight, man. Like, look at him at 147 pounds. I think he was probably, like, 6'2" and just shredded.

    12. AS

      Get jacked.

    13. JR

      And just cracking people.

    14. AS

      147 at 6'2" is like-

    15. JR

      Oh, yeah. He was the welterweight champ. You ever see what he looked like when he fought Sugar Ray Leonard?

    16. AS

      Uh-uh.

    17. JR

      Oh my God. Yeah, and then he went up to 160 and fought Hagler and got KO'd by Hagler in a crazy slugfest. You never saw that fight?

    18. AS

      Uh-uh.

    19. JR

      (gasps) Pull up Marvin Hagler versus Thomas Hearns. This might've been the great... I think it went two rounds, but it might've been the greatest two rounds in the history of the middleweight division, 'cause these two guys were super skilled. I mean, Marvin Hagler was a brilliant technical boxer, can switch from southpaw to orthodox, like, fluidly.

    20. AS

      Right.

    21. JR

      Like, you, you didn't even notice the difference. He fought just as good from both sides, and he knocked everybody out, and he had an iron chin. And Tommy Hearns was merking motherfuckers. He murked Roberto Duran with one punch. Just blah-blah!

    22. AS

      (laughs)

    23. JR

      Faceplanted him.

    24. AS

      One fucking hit?

    25. JR

      One-punch man. He's... He stung him with one shot, and... Let me... Let them see that first. Here's the build-up. The build-up is Tommy Hearns KOs Roberto Duran.... let's watch that first, and then we're gonna go back to Marvin Hagler versus Tommy Ahern, so you get a feel for what it was like. This is the heyday.

    26. AS

      To be able to switch up your stances is so crazy to me, to be able to do that so fluidly.

    27. JR

      That, well, that's one of the b- brilliant things about Hagler. I mean, he was just so good at that. And he could bo- and it's weird for a guy. When you're used to... Like, for- remember the first time I fought a guy who was left-handed, it was super confusing. Everything's coming from the wrong place. Everything was, like, reversed. You gotta get used to it.

    28. AS

      Right.

    29. JR

      You don't see it as often, right? So if you don't see it as often, sometimes it's more effective. But some guys are really good against southpaw. Some guys have, like, a lightning right hand, and that was one of the speculations about Hagler and Hearns, 'cause Hearns had this lightning right hand, and Hagler oftentimes fought southpaw, and that's the counter for southpaw-

    30. AS

      Ah.

  5. 14:33 – 17:07

    HBO boxing ends and the streaming-era shift (ESPN+, cord-cutting, nostalgia)

    1. JR

      Did you, do you know HBO just canceled f- boxing? They don't have boxing anymore?

    2. AS

      At all?

    3. JR

      At all.

    4. AS

      Just pay-per-view now?

    5. JR

      They don't even do pay-per-view. They're out of the boxing business.

    6. AS

      What?

    7. JR

      Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

    8. AS

      So they'll never edit how great it is.

    9. JR

      There it is right there. You heard him get hit with that right hand.

    10. AS

      Oh, oh, and he's moving.

    11. JR

      Boom, right hand. Boom.

    12. AS

      Oh, it's done.

    13. JR

      That's it.

    14. AS

      He knew it.

    15. JR

      Damn.

    16. AS

      Damn.

    17. JR

      That's it. Third round.

    18. AS

      Gone.

    19. JR

      I always miss this. I always think it's the second round for some reason. I think we've actually gone over this before.

    20. AS

      But third round.

    21. JR

      Yeah, man. But they don't have boxing anymore.

    22. AS

      That's-

    23. JR

      HBO s- got out of the boxing business.

    24. AS

      What do you think that's because of? It's not earning enough money anymore?

    25. JR

      I don't know. Uh, it makes me sad though. They had some of the greatest boxing telecasts of all time. And it, I mean, that was what you would do. You'd go, if a big fight was on, Bernard Hopkins was on, m- a lot of the times it was on HBO.

    26. AS

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      And if it was on pay-per-view, then you knew it was gonna be on HBO the following week.

    28. AS

      Right.

    29. JR

      So even if you couldn't afford the pay-per-view-

    30. AS

      You could see it.

  6. 17:07 – 21:18

    Blockbuster to Netflix: how entire industries vanish (and why discovery still matters)

    1. JR

      I remember when I was like, "I'll always have a Blockbuster card, always."

    2. AS

      (laughs) Yeah, it'll never go away.

    3. JR

      It'll never, it will never end.

    4. AS

      Hollywood Video, dude. I wanna rent.

    5. JR

      Imagine, imagine if you put all your money in that, you're like, "I'm telling you, in 20 years-"

    6. AS

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      "... this is gonna amount to $15 million."

    8. AS

      (laughs) Right. Just wait.

    9. JR

      (laughs) "I got, I got a fucking plan."

    10. AS

      Do you think people invested in Netflix when it was the DVD subscription service, and that, you know what I mean? Like early on, and now they're still getting the, the revenue dividends of what Netflix is now? I wonder about that.

    11. JR

      Oh, yeah. I'm sure you do.

    12. AS

      Like that's gotta be the best money.

    13. JR

      Yeah.

    14. AS

      'Cause it was worth nothing back then.

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. AS

      It was just another subscription video service and they had a, there was a ton of them. I mean, Redbox.

    17. JR

      I did my first, I did my first Netflix special in 2005.

    18. AS

      Oh, my God. There's one left? Oh, I think I've seen this.

    19. JV

      It's in Alaska, I think.

    20. AS

      Yeah. No, Oregon.

    21. JR

      In Alaska.

    22. JV

      There you go. Yeah, it's in Oregon.

    23. AS

      Oregon.

    24. JV

      (laughs)

    25. AS

      Bend, Oregon.

    26. JR

      That's so weird. The last Blockbuster, they went from 4,855 stores in 2008 to one store-

    27. AS

      Wow.

    28. JR

      ... in 2018. That is the craziest-

    29. AS

      (laughs)

    30. JR

      ... demolition of a business-

  7. 21:18 – 22:27

    Political comedy boom and outrage culture: Trump-fueled satire and broken conversation

    1. AS

      I know, but nowadays, a lot of people are relying on, on politics, which I think is... You know, it's becoming the new norm. Every time I see a billboard now, it's a new political show. It's like, uh, Wyatt Cenac just got one. Jordan Klepper, who was a Daily Show correspondent, he just got another one.

    2. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    3. AS

      Hasan Minhaj has his. I mean, there's, like, so many political shows now. Th- they should all be writing letters thanking Trump. It's like Trump is really fueling all these new shows. If it weren't for him-

    4. JR

      Hmm.

    5. AS

      ... it was like... This new wave of political satire, I don't think I've hadver s- I've seen this in comedy in my career. I've never seen this many shows about politics. Samantha Bee. I mean, I just named five in a row.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      John Oliver's show is... Right? That Last Week Tonight or whatever that's essentially a political based show.

    8. JR

      It's, it's slightly political, but it's very social too.

    9. AS

      Yeah, it is. It's pop- pop culture.

    10. JR

      It's just pointing out what's fucked up-

    11. AS

      Right.

    12. JR

      ... in the week.

    13. AS

      He's... I mean, listen, he's brilliant.

    14. JR

      Yes.

    15. AS

      And some of these shows are probably great. I just think there's so much political comedy right now-

    16. JR

      Yeah.

    17. AS

      ... it's just... It's not my shit.

    18. JR

      No, Oliver's excellent.

    19. AS

      Yeah. He's a genius.

    20. JR

      I... It's... The whole thing is... Wh- what's, what's uncomfortable is that it's very, there are very little conversations taking place, and a lot of people that are, like, really angry.

    21. AS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      You know?

    23. AS

      Yeah.

  8. 22:27 – 32:11

    Abortion, responsibility, and indoctrination: nuanced views vs absolutism

    1. JR

      I was watching this guy, some, some representative. I don't even know his name, but he was, uh, offering $100 to name the f- these girls that were in front of a, um...

    2. AS

      Right.

    3. JR

      ... Planned Parenthood. And, um, he's, like, a grown man and these... They're girls, they're young Christian girls.

    4. AS

      What do you mean? Name them, as in, like, "Go call them out."

    5. JR

      No, like give them names-

    6. AS

      Oh.

    7. JR

      ... so he could shame them publicly.

    8. AS

      Cool. Very smart.

    9. JR

      And yeah, it's this guy's name. And, but he's offering on this video $100, like, but this is where people have gotten to, where they think that that's okay.

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      That, like, these people... You have t- Like, ju- I know you're there to support a woman's right to choose, but you have to understand that these people think that this is a place where they kill babies.

    12. AS

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      Right? This is what they think. Whether... Regardless of what you think-

    14. AS

      Right.

    15. JR

      ... this is why they're there. They're not there because they're evil.

    16. AS

      Right.

    17. JR

      And I know that this would put unwanted pressure on a girl who's going there for an abortion. I get it. I get the whole thing.

    18. AS

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      I get it from your side, and I see where they're coming from too. And although I fully support a woman's right to choose, you, you can't...... wanna dox people that think they're saving babies-

    20. AS

      Right.

    21. JR

      ... or talking someone into having a child that n-, and that child they think will become the kind of relationship with that child and that mother, become like their mother and them, or like the ideal version of them.

    22. AS

      Sure. I mean, look-

    23. JR

      That's what they're, they're not doing it because they're bad people.

    24. AS

      Right. Like, there are some groups that do it just because they're pieces of shit, like the Westboro Baptist Church.

    25. JR

      Sure.

    26. AS

      Like, they do things because they're bad people. Like, all they wanna do is go protest a soldier's funeral.

    27. JR

      Well, you know, I had a girl-

    28. AS

      They, they wanna cause a stir.

    29. JR

      ... Megan Phelps, who left them.

    30. AS

      Right, that got out.

  9. 32:11 – 38:37

    Paranormal TV comedy: Ghost Adventures, “orbs,” and the science of backscatter

    1. AS

      Have you ever watched the show Ghost Hunters? Do you know who... Or Ghost Adventures?

    2. JR

      Oh, my God, yes.

    3. AS

      Do you know this guy?

    4. JR

      Which guy?

    5. AS

      Dude.

    6. JR

      Zack Baggins?

    7. AS

      Zack Baggins. (laughs)

    8. JR

      Yeah.

    9. AS

      Do you know this guy?

    10. JR

      I do not know him personally.

    11. AS

      Oh, man. He makes me laugh so fucking hard because they've done like nine seasons now. I don't even know how many of them they've done.

    12. JR

      Have they found any ghosts?

    13. AS

      Come on, man.

    14. JR

      (laughs)

    15. AS

      (laughs)

    16. JR

      (laughs)

    17. AS

      They have all this great technology now that's improved.

    18. JR

      Do you think that he believes in ghosts?

    19. AS

      Here's the best part.

    20. JR

      Okay.

    21. AS

      He's all in, right?

    22. JR

      All in.

    23. AS

      Which I love anybody that's all in, whatever they're doing.

    24. JR

      You kinda have to be if you're the host of-

    25. AS

      Okay, he's all in.

    26. JR

      ... Ghost Adventures.

    27. AS

      But also now, he's super self-aware-

    28. JR

      Ooh.

    29. AS

      ... that, of their popularity and of his characte- caricature of himself.

    30. JR

      Oh.

  10. 38:37 – 43:41

    North Sentinel Island and lost Amazon civilizations: disease, LiDAR, and ancient psychedelics

    1. AS

      Hey, wait, that's, this re-... This reminds me of, you tell, when you talk about that island, that private island, you know-

    2. JR

      Yes.

    3. AS

      ... Sentinel I- Sen- Sentinel Island?

    4. JR

      North Sentinel Island.

    5. AS

      North Sentinel Island?

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. AS

      Planes still fly over that or no? Are they not allowed to fly over that-

    8. JR

      Well-

    9. AS

      ... as a restricted airspace?

    10. JR

      I don't think it's restricted. No. But you can't land there and you can't circle.

    11. AS

      Right.

    12. JR

      You can't visit.

    13. AS

      India owns it, right? Doesn't the c-... Doesn't India control it?

    14. JR

      I believe so.

    15. AS

      Yeah. And it's, like, 10-mile radius.

    16. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    17. AS

      I saw a thing online that said a boat crashed there and you could still see on Google Images the remnants of the boat.

    18. JR

      Yeah, they came for the people in the boat, too, and the helicopters got them off the boat right as the people were, like, pulling up in-

    19. AS

      Oh, so they lived?

    20. JR

      ... rafts and shit. Yeah.

    21. AS

      Fuck.

    22. JR

      Yeah. They, they lived, but those, the villagers were coming for them.

    23. AS

      Wow.

    24. JR

      Yeah.

    25. AS

      Can you imagine stumbling across a village?

    26. JR

      They've been, they've been fucked with sometime in the past, you know, that, uh, Commander Maurice Vidal Portman, that guy.

    27. AS

      Yeah. Yeah.

    28. JR

      Shout out to, uh, Respectable Law on, uh, Twitter. He has a, uh, a giant thread about it. It may be pinned on the top of his Twitter page, but explaining, uh, like, one of the reasons why those people are so hostile.

    29. AS

      Right.

    30. JR

      And it has to do with this British explorer who was really kinky and, uh-

  11. 43:41 – 1:10:04

    Revenge instincts and human darkness: grudges, trafficking, and Hollywood ‘boat’ power dynamics

    1. JV

      They're still gonna fuck you up. Yeah. Well, human beings are, well, I think humans and chimps too, they, they want retribution. Yeah. They want revenge. We love vengeance, man. Yeah. That's like our favorite thing in the world. Yep. A guy almost fucking hit me four times today. I wish I got his license plate to call him out on here. Pfft, cunt. And he was cutting me off and he kept trying to hi- like hit my car after I w- Why? He cut me off in a big, like, F-350 truck and then I gave him one of these fucking honk. Like, dude. I mean, just miss my car. You know? Then I move on. Well, he pulls over next to me, gives me the finger, and then tries to, like, pull in my fucking lane like as if he's gonna hit my car. Dude.

    2. AS

      Out of his m- I was like... This guy (laughs) . He just knows-

    3. JV

      It's-

    4. AS

      He just knows his car hits my car, his car has barely any damage on it. He knows a big F-350 tru- his tire is the size of my fucking car.

    5. JV

      What a dick. He was a dick. But he wanted shit. So it's like now, vindictively, I hope I see him again. (laughs) Like now I just wanna fucking see him again somewhere in th- (laughs) in the city just to, just this guy, I wanna have that moment with him again, see him outside of his fucking big truck. That's funny.

    6. AS

      Yeah. We love, we like... I, I, I don't hold grudges. Like, Bobby Lee and I were talking about it. Bobby holds the biggest grudges on earth. He has some of the worst. I mean, he has like 20-year grudges.

    7. JV

      Really?

    8. AS

      Oh my God. Yeah.

    9. JV

      Bobby Lee?

    10. AS

      Bobby Lee. Ask him about it. He genuinely... When someone does the wrong thing to him, like, I'm not talking, like, makes a bad mista- when someone f- does something where you're like, "That's fucked up. That can fuck up a friendship," he will hold that against you for the rest of time. That's it. That's it. Where some people would go, "Whatever, man. I forgive you. Shit happens."

    11. JV

      Hmm.

    12. AS

      Nah. He's f- he holds a fucking grudge, dude. Bad. (laughs) That little tiny ball, rice ball has a lot of fucking vengeance inside of him, dude.

    13. JV

      (laughs)

    14. AS

      He's my little dumpling.

    15. JV

      How dare you?

    16. AS

      No, I'm, I'm allowed to say that, man. I'm allowed to say that because I, uh, because I used to own Bobby. I used to bu- I bought him for a month.

    17. JV

      How much did it cost?

    18. AS

      65 grand.

    19. JV

      That's a lot.

    20. AS

      Mm-hmm.

    21. JV

      Could you do anything? I mean, would you have to feed him?

    22. AS

      He doesn't really require that much food.

    23. JV

      Then when does he get to own you? That's part of the deal, right? He owns you for a month now? Ten years later. Yeah.

    24. AS

      Ten years later, he owns you for a whole month. He holds me for a month. Yeah.

    25. JV

      But then he's gonna be stewing on it for ten years. So by the time-

    26. AS

      Yeah. Yes. (laughs)

    27. JV

      Imagine if people really did do that. They just decide, "Okay. I'll, you can own me for one month."

    28. AS

      Yeah.

    29. JV

      "And I'll do whatever the fuck you want, but then I own you for one month ten years from now."

    30. AS

      That's a great movie, by the way.

Episode duration: 3:05:55

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