Joe Rogan Experience #1304 - Brendan Schaub

Brendan Schaub is a mixed martial artist, former pro football player, and comedian. He hosts a podcast with Bryan Callen called “The Fighter & The Kid” and "The King & The Sting" with Theo Von both available on iTunes. His comedy special "You'd Be Surprised" is available now on Showtime.

Joe RoganhostBrendan SchaubguestGuestguest

May 24, 20192h 32mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,011 words

0:00 – 15:00
Australia, two- …
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Australia, two-
2. BSBrendan Schaub
  Salute, my brother.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Salute, brother.
4. BSBrendan Schaub
  Oh, yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  What does it feel like having a Showtime special?
6. BSBrendan Schaub
  (laughs)
7. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
8. BSBrendan Schaub
  I don't know. I feel the same. A little more stressed out.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  A little stressed out?
10. BSBrendan Schaub
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, stay away from them comments, son. There's a whole deal with all that stuff, man. You put it out, you watch it, you hate it-
12. BSBrendan Schaub
  Yep.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you get better.
14. BSBrendan Schaub
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It forces ya.
16. BSBrendan Schaub
  Yep.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Forces you to work. I fucking hate everything I do, so there's no- there's no (laughs) getting around it. You're gonna hate it.
18. BSBrendan Schaub
  You hate hearing yourself, right?
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Ugh. Y- the editing is painful.
20. BSBrendan Schaub
  Oh, man.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Ooh.
22. BSBrendan Schaub
  The worst.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  But you'll get better.
24. BSBrendan Schaub
  Yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  You just take the- some of the criticism to heart, understand what people are saying.
26. BSBrendan Schaub
  For sure.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  And just, uh, fucking keep on keeping on, my brother.
28. BSBrendan Schaub
  Yeah, I'm- I'm happy about it. I just- I- I- I don't- I think I'm stressed out this week 'cause last week I was doing publicity for, like, New York-
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
30. BSBrendan Schaub
  ... like, hustling, doing all that.
15:00 – 30:00
Oh, it's embarrassing. …
1. JRJoe Rogan
  it's scrape.
2. BSBrendan Schaub
  Oh, it's embarrassing.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  It's annoying.
4. BSBrendan Schaub
  And it's so sad.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Sad.
6. BSBrendan Schaub
  I did mine the other day. I was taking my dad to get ice cream and I hit the front of my car.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Scrape.
8. BSBrendan Schaub
  Ruined my night.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
10. BSBrendan Schaub
  Ruined my night. My dad goes, "What do you want?" "I don't give a fuck."
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Damn.
12. BSBrendan Schaub
  I was so disappointed.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  So sad.
14. BSBrendan Schaub
  I know. It's just a car though, right?
15. JRJoe Rogan
  It is just a car. That's the problem with nice things. They become little velvet prisons.
16. BSBrendan Schaub
  But you gotta drive them.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
18. BSBrendan Schaub
  Like, uh, the dealer I was talking to where, where all these fricking dudes buy these million dollar cars. He's like, "You know what bothers me? Is they don't drive them. None of them drive them."
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Mm-hmm.
20. BSBrendan Schaub
  "It's ... For them, it's an investment and then they flip them years from now."
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
22. BSBrendan Schaub
  He goes, "We want people that drive the cars." And now what Ferrari's doing, like, if you want an Enzo, you want a certain, like, limited run TDF or the pizza, if you want some of those real limited edition ones, they look at your history 'cause you have to own, like, the past 10 Ferraris.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  What?
24. BSBrendan Schaub
  They're not ... Yeah. They have a weird curriculum-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  (coughs)
26. BSBrendan Schaub
  ... if you wanna get a special limited edition one. But they ... Now they check if you've driven it. If you're just a collector, they don't sell them to you anymore.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God.
28. BSBrendan Schaub
  Certain ones, they go back and look at your history.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  You have to-
30. BSBrendan Schaub
  'Cause you guys have to-
30:00 – 45:00
Yeah. …
1. BSBrendan Schaub
  into this man. I didn't even promote my special. I was there to promote my special. I didn't say a word.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
3. BSBrendan Schaub
  I made one stupid comment about JonBenét's family and then he was like, "Shut the fuck up."
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Those fucking shows are very compelling, man. You watch those true crime shows.
5. BSBrendan Schaub
  Why do you think that is? Why do you think... Why are, why are we-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't know.
7. BSBrendan Schaub
  Why, like, why am I drawn to... Am I fucked up?
8. JRJoe Rogan
  No.
9. BSBrendan Schaub
  Like, why am I drawn to this serial killer shit?
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, if you are fucked up, you're just like everybody else, because those shows are super popular.
11. BSBrendan Schaub
  Why did I buy Charles Manson's pubes on eBay?
12. JRJoe Rogan
  How much did you pay?
13. BSBrendan Schaub
  70 G's, man. (laughs)
14. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
15. BSBrendan Schaub
  Can you imagine? 70 G's, but his pu- pubes. They plucked them out, so it has some DNA in them.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude.
17. BSBrendan Schaub
  You could recreate Charles Manson. What is this? Oh!
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Charles Manson's hair, $2,400.
19. BSBrendan Schaub
  That's a steal.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  This is for a bag of hair off the head of Charles Manson. It was obtained July 2016 from an associate of Charles Manson.
21. BSBrendan Schaub
  Oh no, that's sweet, dude.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  A COA-... will be a certificate of authenticity will be included upon purchase. By the way-
23. BSBrendan Schaub
  Do not want.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... there are n- there are no certificates of authenticity when it comes to Charles Manson's hair. It's not like there's an accrediting body-
25. BSBrendan Schaub
  Who's like, "Is it-"
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... that, like, goes over-
27. BSBrendan Schaub
  "... his DNA." It's definitely him.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, "We go over every aspect of this purchase."
29. BSBrendan Schaub
  (laughs) That shit's weak though, man. You want that 1970s hair strain.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
45:00 – 59:29
But what the fuck…
1. BSBrendan Schaub
  this animal out there, who's just this fucking... He's so damn good. He's just like, "All right, let's do this."
2. JRJoe Rogan
  But what the fuck is a... Honestly though, what the fuck is a 10 count for if it's not 10 seconds? Why does the referee-
3. BSBrendan Schaub
  Human error?
4. JRJoe Rogan
  ... get to make the count?
5. BSBrendan Schaub
  Human error.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  There should be, in every fucking corner, every corner, wherever the, the fight is, there should be a clock.
7. BSBrendan Schaub
  Go ahead.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  And then when someone goes down, someone else, not the referee, hits that button-
9. BSBrendan Schaub
  And then we get the ref-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and say, "Ten seconds."
11. BSBrendan Schaub
  ... to go, "One-"
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, you could really do two.
13. BSBrendan Schaub
  "... two-"
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Three, four, five, six-
15. BSBrendan Schaub
  'Cause, 'cause you go-
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Seven-
17. BSBrendan Schaub
  ... one, two-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
19. BSBrendan Schaub
  ... three, four-
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
21. BSBrendan Schaub
  ... five.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
23. BSBrendan Schaub
  But he goes, "One-"
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Not only that, he's jacked up with adrenaline. He-
25. BSBrendan Schaub
  There's a huge knock out the crowd.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  He might want a guy to get up. He might want a guy to get up, he might want to help him.
27. BSBrendan Schaub
  He has interest.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  He might take extra time to rub the gloves on his chest.
29. BSBrendan Schaub
  Correct.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Ask him a couple questions.

Episode duration: 2:32:16

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Australia, two- …

Oh, it's embarrassing. …

Yeah. …

But what the fuck…

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