Joe Rogan Experience #1310 - Sober October 2019 Preview

Joe is joined by Ari Shaffir, Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer to discuss this year's Sober October challenge.

Joe RoganhostBert KreischerguestTom SeguraguestAri Shaffirguest

Jun 5, 20193h 1mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,036 words

0:00 – 15:00
... and that's probably…
1. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and that's probably the way to do it. We're cutting in right now. Pow! Ch- pow, pow, pow, pow! (imitates gun firing)
2. BKBert Kreischer
  So what, what did it have?
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Tell me about the tour bus.
4. TSTom Segura
  This tour... Okay.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Are you the tour bus champ?
6. TSTom Segura
  No.
7. BKBert Kreischer
  No, no, no, he's not.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
9. TSTom Segura
  (laughs)
10. BKBert Kreischer
  Let's, let's, let's hold off on labels till we hear the story.
11. TSTom Segura
  'Cause I've only won one victory in this whole thing. (laughs)
12. BKBert Kreischer
  (laughs)
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Who's the tour bus... He came so close to the weight loss.
14. TSTom Segura
  He did come close.
15. BKBert Kreischer
  Yeah, he did come really close.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  And then, then we had one year where it was like socialist. It was like, uh, Marxist. No one could lose.
17. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Even if you lost, it didn't matter.
19. TSTom Segura
  Mm-hmm.
20. BKBert Kreischer
  Oh, I like that. That was comradery.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  We had one year. Yeah, it was a good f- good year.
22. TSTom Segura
  This, this year's gotta be a good one.
23. BKBert Kreischer
  What am I doing?
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Listen, last year I almost killed myself.
25. TSTom Segura
  Yeah, we gotta do it differently than that.
26. BKBert Kreischer
  You were pink, fucking purple.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Wasn't purple, but it wasn't the right color. (laughs)
28. TSTom Segura
  What color was it?
29. JRJoe Rogan
  I was worried I had rhabdo.
30. TSTom Segura
  Like brown?
15:00 – 30:00
So you just left?…
1. TSTom Segura
2. JRJoe Rogan
  So you just left?
3. TSTom Segura
  I just left. I was like, "I don't wanna get anyone fired."
4. JRJoe Rogan
  She's telling you you can't take your shirt off. It's hilarious.
5. BKBert Kreischer
  Or have a drink.
6. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Or have a drink.
8. TSTom Segura
  I love how it's like she's telling you, like, she found something out. You're like, "I was pouring it in front of everybody."
9. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
10. TSTom Segura
  "Like, I just need so- I don't wanna drink outta the bottle." I don't want-
11. JRJoe Rogan
  She thinks she's at an insurance company.
12. BKBert Kreischer
  Yeah.
13. TSTom Segura
  It's hilarious when people don't know what job they're in-
14. BKBert Kreischer
  If-
15. TSTom Segura
  ... and try to take it more seriously.
16. BKBert Kreischer
  If one of those morning shows fucked off, like the way we're talking about, it'd be like the best morning show.
17. TSTom Segura
  It'd be great.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It would be so much better than what I'm doing.
19. BKBert Kreischer
  Oh.
20. TSTom Segura
  Tom Green had a great, great, what I'm remembering now-
21. JRJoe Rogan
  He's got his.
22. TSTom Segura
  ... back when he was, like, public access-
23. BKBert Kreischer
  Yeah.
24. TSTom Segura
  ... and he was trying to promote his public access-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
26. TSTom Segura
  It became The Tom Green Show, and he just took over.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  He did some crazy shit, man.
28. TSTom Segura
  Ties in the face, yeah, exactly.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  You know what's amazing is, like, him and then that other dude, Jamie Kennedy. They did their best shit where they were, like, pranking people.
30. TSTom Segura
  Jackass.
30:00 – 45:00
It's so good. It's…
1. ASAri Shaffir
  I'll just blow this stranger to-" Oh, yeah.
2. TSTom Segura
  It's so good. It's so good.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  I have that.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  I knew guys who would get coke that didn't do coke. They would get coke just so they have coke so girls-
5. TSTom Segura
  So it was a route for those whore women.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  ... if girls wanted coke.
7. TSTom Segura
  Wow.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  'Cause some girls, when they want coke, they'll, they're like, "I am calling somebody, and I'm gonna get some fucking coke, and then I'm gonna leave here."
9. TSTom Segura
  Wow.
10. ASAri Shaffir
  Wow.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  They're like, "Hold on, hold on."
12. TSTom Segura
  "Hold on."
13. JRJoe Rogan
  "We want some coke."
14. TSTom Segura
  Some of it, though is just-
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Next thing you know, there's a goddamn orgy going on.
16. TSTom Segura
  Wow.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeehaw.
18. TSTom Segura
  Some of it's just girls are like, "Oh, I know my blowjob is worth stuff, so what can I get out of it? What am I looking for?"
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Hmm, interesting.
20. TSTom Segura
  My, my brother-in-law told me that he went to Woodstock 2, you know, like, what, 20 years ago or whatever it was.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
22. TSTom Segura
  And he said this guy got out of a ... one of his friends got out of a long line. This is an Orthodox Jew, got out of a long line with a bunch of food, like, it took forever to get through concessions. And she goes, "Look, I'm not waiting in that line. I'll blow you for that food." And they go, "Yeah, sure, let's do it."
23. ASAri Shaffir
  ... wow.
24. TSTom Segura
  Absolutely.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... she sucked his dick for food.
26. TSTom Segura
  Yeah.
27. BKBert Kreischer
  For food.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  She's hungry.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  That's, that's like your chip sauce.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  She's hungry. She got a little extra protein.
45:00 – 54:52
Mm. I agree. Okay.…
1. BKBert Kreischer
  out of all of us.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Mm. I agree. Okay. And so- Go ahead. That makes sense. And so the dance classes are tough. We get... Each get ourselves choreographers. Yeah.
3. BKBert Kreischer
  Mm-hmm.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  And we create our own dance to the exact songs.
5. BKBert Kreischer
  Don't get too hyped up because-
6. ASAri Shaffir
  Wait, wait.
7. BKBert Kreischer
  ... wait for me to talk about this.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs) Okay, but the amount of molly I would have to do to, to enjoy that dancing.
9. BKBert Kreischer
  But you can't be sober.
10. ASAri Shaffir
  But I can't be sober.
11. BKBert Kreischer
  Oh, yeah.
12. But you can November 1st if that... When we post it, you could be-
13. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, but the whole idea is the dance party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dancing learns dancing.
14. BKBert Kreischer
  Sober bros.
15. ASAri Shaffir
  Dance.
16. BKBert Kreischer
  That's true.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Sober.
18. BKBert Kreischer
  Dancing sober.
19. That's true, that's true.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  Here's, here's problems with it.
21. BKBert Kreischer
  Okay.
22. ASAri Shaffir
  Problem number one, it's subjective. You can't have something subjective. You can't have something... "Well, I think Tom danced better. Well, I think Ari danced better." You can't have a bunch of morons vote for you. Okay. Okay, let me, let me break this down. Who's got bas-... Finish up. I'm gonna write you down.
23. BKBert Kreischer
  What if, what if, what if the-
24. ASAri Shaffir
  Finish up while you raise us.
25. BKBert Kreischer
  What if the, the dance pros got together?
26. ASAri Shaffir
  That's what I was saying. Profess-
27. BKBert Kreischer
  Ooh.
28. ASAri Shaffir
  ... professionals.
29. BKBert Kreischer
  Right?
30. What, they judge?

Episode duration: 3:01:04

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... and that's probably…

So you just left?…

It's so good. It's…

Mm. I agree. Okay.…

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