Skip to content
The Joe Rogan ExperienceThe Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan Experience #1317 - Andrew Santino

Andrew Santino is a stand up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast “Whiskey Ginger” available on Apple Podcasts & YouTube.

Joe RoganhostAndrew SantinoguestJamie VernonguestGuest (unidentified, minor contributor)guest
Jun 26, 20192h 52mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:29

    Charcoal lookalike gag and Rogan’s steak setup (Traeger, tallow, rosemary)

    1. JR

      (humming) Hey, Santino. (laughing) My man. Good to see you, brother.

    2. AS

      Good to see you, brother. How are you?

    3. JR

      Good, man. Um, the charcoal, it's you.

    4. AS

      That's me.

    5. JR

      I sent, I sent Santino a picture. I'll send it to you, Jamie.

    6. JV

      I saw it.

    7. JR

      You seen it? (laughs)

    8. AS

      So fucking funny. I want residuals on that shit.

    9. JR

      Yeah.

    10. AS

      What is it called? Lucky dev- or...

    11. JR

      Bro, it's you.

    12. AS

      (laughs) It's me. What's it called?

    13. JR

      It's you with a steak.

    14. AS

      Devil something.

    15. JR

      Something.

    16. AS

      I put it up online, I was like, "This is so fucking funny." This is me with my own charcoal company called, uh ...

    17. JR

      (laughs)

    18. AS

      I you're in the market for some charcoal, man. Oh, Jealous Devil, that's what it is.

    19. JR

      (laughs) See?

    20. AS

      (laughs) That's so me.

    21. JR

      With that beard.

    22. AS

      Fucking steak down there with a, with a knife. Jealous Devil.

    23. JR

      Bar- barbecue is the only truly manly way of cooking.

    24. AS

      Yes.

    25. JR

      Like, nobody brags about having a baker's hat on.

    26. AS

      Yeah, there, there it is.

    27. JR

      Right? There it is.

    28. AS

      (laughs) Jealous Devil.

    29. JR

      Just Jealous Devil. All natural hardwood.

    30. AS

      Hardwood.

  2. 1:29 – 4:12

    Italian accents, Buca di Beppo portions, and the pasta coma

    1. JR

      It's a wonderful ribeye. If I go to an Italian restaurant and the dude talks like that, I am excited.

    2. AS

      Yeah, stoked.

    3. JR

      I'm more pumped.

    4. AS

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      If it's just a regular person, even if they're nice, I'm disappointed.

    6. AS

      Yeah. (laughs)

    7. JR

      (laughs) You know?

    8. AS

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      Even if it's, like, the nicest waiter ever. I'm like, "Dude, you seem like a great guy, but damn, I wish you were from Italy."

    10. AS

      Yeah, he's like, "I'm just whipping you guys up some fettuccine Alfredo." And you're like, "Ah, fuck."

    11. JR

      Hey.

    12. AS

      "Nobody from Italy back there, man?"

    13. JR

      You fuck. You Malibu fuck.

    14. AS

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      (laughs) It's a weird one, right? It's like Italian restaurants particularly. Like, I go to a Greek restaurant, I would hope the guy would not have an accent.

    16. AS

      Yeah, I wouldn't-

    17. JR

      I don't need him-

    18. AS

      ... I wouldn't care if he could Greece.

    19. JR

      He could or he couldn't, uh, as long as I can understand him, that's great.

    20. AS

      Right.

    21. JR

      But I don't require it.

    22. AS

      Nah.

    23. JR

      But I require it at an Italian restaurant.

    24. AS

      Yeah, 'cause there's just, there's something about it that's different. And then everywhere else, Mexican. You know what I mean?

    25. JR

      Yes.

    26. AS

      Everything else is Mexican.

    27. JR

      Yeah.

    28. AS

      Chinese-

    29. JR

      Ch- Ch-

    30. AS

      ... made by Mexicans.

  3. 4:12 – 21:20

    Thanksgiving tryptophan myth and why comics avoid eating before shows

    1. JR

      Bro, everybody remembers from, like, when, time we were kids. Apparently someone told me that you don't get a significant enough amount of tryptophan from turkey for it to put you to sleep like that.

    2. AS

      Yeah, I've heard it's bullshit.

    3. JR

      I wanted to know if that's true though. Could we-

    4. AS

      You know-

    5. JR

      ... Google if that's true?

    6. AS

      W- I, so I've been told that there is trypto- there's always tryptophan that's been in turkey. But, uh, the, the running joke is that ankst- after Thanksgiving dinner you pass out.

    7. JR

      Yeah.

    8. AS

      But that's actually because of all the other shit. You're eating fucking mashed potatoes-

    9. JR

      (laughs)

    10. AS

      ... tons of carbs. Fucking br- Hawaiian bread rolls carbs.

    11. JR

      Yeah. Contrary to popular belief-

    12. AS

      Same.

    13. JR

      ... eating turkey isn't the main reason you feel sleepy after a Thanksgiving feast. The oft-repeated turkey myth stems from the fact that turkey contains an amino acid, tryptophan, which forms the basis of brain chemicals that make people tired, but it's not true.

    14. AS

      That's, but it's not ... But I mean, it does, but it, it's not the thing that knocks you out.

    15. JR

      Mm. So-

    16. AS

      Being a fat fuck and sitting on your couch and drinking-

    17. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    18. AS

      ... 40 beers is what makes you sleepy.

    19. JV

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      Yeah, so it says tryptophan is a component of the brain chemical serotonin which gets converted into the well-known sleep inducing hormone melatonin.

    21. JV

      Mm-hmm.

    22. JR

      And poultry and many other foods also contain tryptophan.

    23. AS

      Chickens got it.

    24. JR

      Similar amounts.

    25. AS

      Yep.

    26. JR

      Gram for gram, cheddar cheese actually contains more tryptophan than turkey does.

    27. AS

      Suck on that, cheese heads.

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      Cheese folks.

    30. JR

      It's, it's just being a glutton, man.

  4. 21:20 – 25:01

    Texting overload, needy messages, and the ‘mental diet’ of negativity

    1. JR

      Bro. You ever have someone send you a text that's, like, a little on the needy side? And then they send you one, like, three minutes later that says, "Hello:?"

    2. AS

      Every day. What do you mean? Every fucking day.

    3. JR

      (laughs)

    4. AS

      Jamie. Every day to me.

    5. JR

      Like, uh ...

    6. AS

      "When are you coming over? When are you coming over?"

    7. JR

      Like, uh ...

    8. AS

      "I'm coming, Jamie."

    9. JR

      Leave me alone.

    10. AS

      From our afternoon pump session, you know?

    11. JR

      Some people just get-

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. JR

      ... real weird with, like, them sending them messages in a bottle.

    14. AS

      And then there's-

    15. JR

      That's what it is. It's a little message.

    16. AS

      "Huh, did you get it?" And then the other side of it is Bobby Lee, who literally never answers a text ever. Ever, ever, ever. I've sent him a thousand texts.

    17. JR

      Good for him.

    18. AS

      Yeah, he doesn't answer.

    19. JR

      Good for him.

    20. AS

      He, his, his, uh, green, you know, his notification has like 800 fucking little red, you know? He never answers, he doesn't give a shit.

    21. JR

      Dude.

    22. AS

      But I kinda l- uh, but everyone who's friends with him knows that's just Bobby.

    23. JR

      Yeah. Joey just calls you.

    24. AS

      Yeah, Joey, I texted Joey, he calls.

    25. JR

      I've been calling people a lot more. I've been calling people a lot more.

    26. AS

      It's more personal.

    27. JR

      Well, it's also, like, you can't call as many people as you can text, and I think there's an overload of communication that occurs when you're texting with, like, 10 different friends at the same time. I got dudes sending me videos of them kicking pads and people shoving me... (laughs)

    28. AS

      (laughs)

    29. JR

      I mean, look at this fish I caught. Like, I f- I fucking get these texts all day from all these crazy, interesting people. Imagine if I got that many phone calls in a day. It would be insane.

    30. AS

      Turn your phone off.

  5. 25:01 – 29:15

    Living on Snickers (Sober October joke) and extreme single-food diets

    1. JR

      It would just be like, "Ugh." You'd be barely alive if you just had to live off Snickers bars. How much nutrition is in a Snickers bar? Like, I wanna do something with that dude who did th- the 30 days with the Big Macs.

    2. AS

      The Super Size Me guy?

    3. JR

      Yeah. How about this guy?

    4. AS

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      Hey, bro. Do this. Just eat nothing but Snickers.

    6. AS

      Snickers. (laughs)

    7. JR

      See how long you stay alive. (laughs)

    8. AS

      (laughs)

    9. JR

      Snickers satisfies to a point.

    10. AS

      Satisfy your hunger, I guess.

    11. JR

      They're, they're delicious.

    12. AS

      Yeah. They're phenomenal.

    13. JR

      I love, I love a Snickers bar.

    14. AS

      My favorite.

    15. JR

      They're great to take on hikes too, by the way.

    16. AS

      What, really?

    17. JR

      Yeah. A lot of sugar.

    18. AS

      There's enough nutrition in there?

    19. JR

      You're burning sugar, man. You know when you-

    20. AS

      Yeah. So fuck it.

    21. JR

      ... you know, hiking up mountains and shit? People love Snickers bars.

    22. AS

      Wow.

    23. JR

      But, but hey, I think even the Snickers people will tell you, "Don't live off that shit, stupid."

    24. AS

      (laughs)

    25. JR

      You can't live off a... Isn't that interesting? Like, there's a food you eat that you cannot live off of.

    26. AS

      Yes. Because all food at one point you had to eat to live of off of.

    27. JR

      How many days do you think you could go with only eating Snickers bars? And should this be the Sober October Challenge?

    28. GC

      Mm-hmm.

    29. AS

      Yes. First of all, yes. And second of all-

    30. JR

      We might die. What if we died?

  6. 29:15 – 33:01

    Fitness discipline, ‘meat vehicle’ maintenance, and fighting resistance

    1. JR

      But what's really terrible is when (clears throat) ... I mean, I'm not saying you have to be a bodybuilder.

    2. AS

      Oh, but you have to fuck-

    3. JR

      But just it's you should keep your body in moving and like... It's just a laziness thing. It's a discipline thing. And the-

    4. AS

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      ... like this idea there's some sort of nobility and humility in not caring about your body, it's silly.

    6. AS

      Fuck outta here.

    7. JR

      You only get one. You get one. It doesn't make you dumber if you work out. Stop. I know that jocks were assholes and people bullied you. I get it.

    8. AS

      Yeah.

    9. JR

      But goddammit, take care of your fucking meat vehicle.

    10. GC

      (laughs)

    11. JR

      Just go take care of it.

    12. AS

      Take care of the meat skeleton.

    13. JR

      And people, "Oh yeah, you're vain. That's why you work out." Yes.

    14. AS

      Sure.

    15. GC

      Sure.

    16. JR

      That too. I like looking good. I like it. It's better to me than not looking good. I'm sorry. I'm willing to put in the time.

    17. AS

      But you know what the irony is? So because of the, the hype of... Because of the growth of, growth of MMA... Cheers.

    18. JR

      Cheers.

    19. AS

      Cheers, my brother. Because of the growth of MMA, CrossFit, all of these n- all these new worlds that have kind of emerged socially now, that are so much bigger than they were years ago, nerds from- that I grew up with in high school-

    20. JR

      Are now into workouts.

    21. AS

      ... are into working out.

    22. JR

      Yes.

    23. AS

      Yeah, that's the irony.

    24. JR

      That's a big thing with jujitsu.

    25. AS

      That's what I'm saying. Is like the biggest-

    26. JR

      Yes.

    27. AS

      ... like insecure people, now they found a home-

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      ... in something that's disciplined.

    30. JR

      It's good... It feels good to move your body. It feels good. It feels good to do things, whether it's-... taking a dance class. I'm not into that, but taking-

  7. 33:01 – 34:55

    Owning land: why you own trees but not deer + logging clearcuts and ecology

    1. JR

      Okay. Say if you have a piece of land, right? And that piece of land is 100 acres, a beautiful piece of land. You know, you don't own the animals on that land. Like, if there's wildlife on that land-

    2. AS

      All right.

    3. JR

      ... if there's a bunch of deer on that land, you can't just shoot them. You have to have tags, you have to have state-

    4. AS

      Yep.

    5. JR

      ... allocated tags. They give out a certain amount based on the deer population using wildlife biologists, and they view it from helicopters and shit.

    6. AS

      Right.

    7. JR

      They have all these different way, they have trail cameras, all these different ways they determine the numbers, then they figure out how many people can hunt. But you own the trees. Isn't that weird?

    8. AS

      Yeah, it's, yeah-

    9. JR

      Like, you own all the trees. Like, if you-

    10. AS

      Yeah, you own everything that they're around.

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. AS

      Butt them.

    13. JR

      Like, if you own some gigantic population of, of pine trees in the forest, like you own some giant swath of land that you're logging, like those logging companies do.

    14. AS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      They own those trees somehow. Howev- they don't own the deer-

    16. AS

      Right.

    17. JR

      ... they don't own the elk-

    18. AS

      Right.

    19. JR

      ... they don't own the, the eagles, but they own the fucking trees. It's weird, man.

    20. AS

      I- yeah, maybe it's because the p- the trees don't move.

    21. JR

      Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

    22. AS

      Trees can't move, man.

    23. JR

      They're easy to just, I could just take that?

    24. AS

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      You saw that thing? So-

    26. AS

      (laughs)

    27. JR

      ... (laughs) they, like, completely overfish, you know what I mean?

    28. AS

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      With the forest. And then they, they leave these big cut, like, these d- huge cut areas. Like, have you ever been to the woods and seen a per- a place that's been logged?

    30. AS

      Yep.

  8. 34:55 – 40:58

    Deer hunting realities: scent control tech, wind checking, and animal perception

    1. JR

      Well, it's never easy. They, they could smell you a, a fucking, an impossible distance away. I've-

    2. AS

      Do you put stuff on yourself to m- to not smell?

    3. JR

      I d- no, you can't do anything.

    4. AS

      You can't cover up the smell, huh?

    5. JR

      No chance.

    6. AS

      God.

    7. JR

      The only thing you could do is there's a thing called Ozonics that does work, but it only works if you're in one place. So, like, if you're in a tree stand, you have a thing that you put above your head and it sheds ozone down on your body. And what the ozone does, and this is how it's been explained to me, again, remember, I'm a moron.

    8. AS

      (laughs) I was about to say, "You're talking to a fucking"-

    9. JR

      (laughs)

    10. AS

      ... "idiot." I'm like-

    11. JR

      We're both, I t-

    12. AS

      ... I'm like, emerges on your body?

    13. JR

      ... I went to community college and then I went to, uh, Boston University, or, uh, U Mass Boston, rather, for three years, and there, continuing education program. I never even took my SATs. I'm a legitimate moron.

    14. AS

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      But apparently, this ozone shit that comes down over you, it, uh, it confuses the deer. Like, the deer gets the scent, and it's like, "What the fuck is that?"

    16. AS

      Right.

    17. JR

      Like, it doesn't know what it is. As opposed to smelling you and going, "Fuck!" If they smell you, they just run. If they smell people, they just run.

    18. AS

      Yeah, they take off.

    19. JR

      They'll run, like, hundreds of yards away. You'll see them just go like this, and they just take off. And you're like, "What happened?" And you blow some, um, this, like, uh, white talc in the air, like, a puff of talc. And as it drifts, you see which way the wind's blowing. It's a wind checker.

    20. AS

      Right.

    21. JR

      So when you're up there in the wind, you have this, like, little, it's like a, like a l- almost like a little, um-

    22. AS

      Just like an a- like a-

    23. JR

      ... baby powder-

    24. AS

      Right. (clears throat)

    25. JR

      ... type of deal.

    26. AS

      Right.

    27. JR

      And you just press it, and it, the stuff goes in the air, and you could see exactly where they went. They even have vaporizers now that do it now. I have one that, that's like a vaporizer. You press a button, it just mists, it goes in the air.

    28. AS

      To show you where the wind is?

    29. JR

      And it just mists.

    30. AS

      That's fucking wild.

  9. 40:58 – 45:39

    Polar bear horror stories, BBC “box” video, and population nuance

    1. JR

      Did you ever see the video where the BBC reporter gets inside a box, like a plexiglass box?

    2. AS

      No.

    3. JR

      And they put him around polar bears.

    4. AS

      Uh-uh.

    5. JR

      And the polar bear tries to eat him. And the polar bear's trying to eat him through this box, trying to figure out how to get to him because it knows he's in this box because it knows he's in this box. It is fucking terrifying.

    6. AS

      Dude, why would you ever?

    7. JR

      Bro, and this guy's got cameras on him the whole time. Sh- sh- sh- shitting his pants.

    8. AS

      (laughs) Yeah.

    9. JR

      Just duking left and right, filling those drawers, son.

    10. AS

      How strong is that? That thing has to be indestructible.

    11. GC

      You know.

    12. JR

      They're so big. They're so big. And we've been- we've been really fucked over.

    13. AS

      Fuck.

    14. JR

      Just let that- let that run, Jamie.

    15. AS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      We've been really fucked over with goddamn Klondike Bars and Coca-Cola. (laughs)

    17. AS

      Look at you making them look sweet.

    18. JR

      We have a super distorted perception of this fucking predatory killing machine that eats its babies.

    19. AS

      Bro.

    20. JR

      Bro, these things are fucking ruthless.

    21. AS

      (laughs) Look at that.

    22. JR

      They're the cleanup crew. They're- they're there to make sure... There's so few resources up there in the wild that this giant behemoth of a bear exists so he could just jack everything. Just jack everything and keep the populations nice and low.

    23. AS

      Look at that.

    24. JR

      Again, I'm-

    25. AS

      He's like, "You're right in there."

    26. JR

      I'm not a biologist. So they- he knows it's in there. He's just trying to gut at it. He's biting it.

    27. AS

      Goddamn, dude.

    28. JR

      Dude, look at that.

    29. AS

      That would fuck me up.

    30. JR

      Look at this, man. It's pressing on it. That's glass, man. If it breaks, you're dead.

  10. 45:39 – 55:32

    Knots, metric-system stubbornness, and why soccer never ‘felt American’

    1. JR

      How fast is that in knots, and why do we need knots?

    2. GC

      (laughs)

    3. AS

      Like, boat, boat people love that shit.

    4. JR

      What's up with boat people? "Hey, it's six fathoms." "Hey, fuck face."

    5. GC

      (laughs)

    6. JR

      "How many feet?" (laughs)

    7. AS

      (laughs)

    8. GC

      Uh, 5.2 knots.

    9. JR

      5.2 knots.

    10. AS

      5.2 knots.

    11. GC

      5.2 knots.

    12. JR

      5.2 knots is a mile?

    13. GC

      Six miles an hour is 5.2.

    14. JR

      Six miles an hour is 5.2 knots, okay.

    15. AS

      My boat goes five knots, five knots.

    16. GC

      Why would you wanna make it slower? That's so confusing.

    17. JR

      (laughs)

    18. GC

      Why would they do that when they could just do miles an hour? What is knots? I think knots were around before miles an hour.

    19. AS

      No, no.

    20. JR

      Oh.

    21. AS

      Kilometer, kilometers were also before miles an hour.

    22. JR

      Was it?

    23. GC

      Yeah.

    24. AS

      Yeah, kilometers. It was-

    25. JR

      I thought kilometers were the metric system, and that w- that was later.

    26. AS

      No, no. Knots are-

    27. JR

      We're so dumb. We're so dumb.

    28. AS

      ... kilometers then, then miles. (laughs)

    29. GC

      (laughs)

    30. JR

      Really smart people are like, "Why the fuck are they talking?"

  11. 55:32 – 1:04:59

    Stephen King praise, alien stories (Tommyknockers/Dreamcatcher), and dunking on dreamcatchers

    1. JR

      We'd be there forever. Stephen King, I mean, think about how many amazing books that guy has written.

    2. AS

      Think about the diversity-

    3. JR

      How many s-

    4. AS

      ... of them, by the way.

    5. JR

      Yeah.

    6. AS

      They're not all the same kind of ... Like, people always go, like, "Stephen King, whore." He's done w- drama. He's done a lot of different kinds of different things.

    7. JR

      But you know what I like? He almost always made it a writer from Maine. (laughs)

    8. AS

      (laughs)

    9. GC

      (laughs)

    10. JR

      Right? It was a guy from Maine.

    11. AS

      Yeah.

    12. JR

      And then this crazy shit would happen to him.

    13. AS

      That's fucking wild.

    14. JR

      Like, uh, many of his stories, not all of them, but many-

    15. AS

      Many.

    16. JR

      ... of his stories were a guy from Maine.

    17. AS

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      Yeah.

    19. AS

      Didn't he write Shawshank Redemption?

    20. GC

      Yep.

    21. JR

      Yep.

    22. AS

      Think about that.

    23. GC

      That was a short story based off, at least, yeah.

    24. JR

      Dude, you know what I love?

    25. AS

      Yeah, it's not his story-

    26. GC

      Yeah. Yeah.

    27. AS

      ... but think about that, that he wrote that, that beautiful f- and it-

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. AS

      ... it's, the rest of his shit is very dark.

    30. JR

      Mm.

Episode duration: 2:52:26

Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript

Transcript of episode HsD_J7S2cz4

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

iOSAndroidClaudeChrome