Joe Rogan Experience #1319 - Joey Diaz

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Do, do, do, do,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:01

      Do, do, do, do, do. Joey motherfucking Diaz.

   2. JDJoey Diaz0:06

      What's up, brother?

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:07

      What's happening, baby?

   4. JDJoey Diaz0:08

      I'm just, on the drive up here, I was thinking about all the busted assholes that are in the hospital today from the gay pride parade yesterday.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      (laughs)

   6. JDJoey Diaz0:14

      Can you imagine how many guys went down there just to say hello-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      (laughs)

   8. JDJoey Diaz0:17

      ... and ended up getting fucked in the ass by the states?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:19

      They had a good time.

   10. JDJoey Diaz0:20

       Bro, let me tell you something. That was one of the biggest turnouts. My friend went, and he said he had a fucking blast.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       I'm sure.

   12. JDJoey Diaz0:26

       One of my gorilla buddies said he had a blast. Blast. Gay people are great in fucking New York, all over.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Everywhere.

   14. JDJoey Diaz0:32

       Everywhere.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       They, they're celebrating. They can be free.

   16. JDJoey Diaz0:34

       I loved it.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       They can be who they are.

   18. JDJoey Diaz0:35

       I loved it. But-

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       Anybody who's got a problem with that is crazy.

   20. JDJoey Diaz0:37

       But on the dark side, let's talk about the facts here. Couple confused little young white dudes-

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       (laughs)

   22. JDJoey Diaz0:43

       ... went down there yesterday. "Sure, I'll go have a drink. Uh."

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:46

       Yeah. Some guys who just wanted to be an ally, ally to the gay folks. "I just want ... You know, I'm not gay, but, uh, I am your ally." Next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire. (laughs)

   24. JDJoey Diaz0:57

       (laughs) What's up, brother?

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       That's what guys have to remember. Gay dudes are dudes. It's, they, all same rules apply. All same rules of scumbaggery that apply to men apply to gay men. (laughs)

   26. JDJoey Diaz1:06

       Yeah, there's, like, three types of gay guys.

   27. NANarrator1:08

       They'll get you. Yeah.

   28. JDJoey Diaz1:08

       There's gay guys that aren't interested.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:11

       Yeah.

   30. JDJoey Diaz1:11

       There's gay guys that are semi-interested, and there are gay guys that live to convert you.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah, they've made a…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      Are y- are they allowed to show these, or there's-

   2. JVJamie Vernon15:03

      Yeah, they've made a deal with them because this links also to the... If you wanna watch it you can pay right here to rent it and all that stuff.

   3. JDJoey Diaz15:08

      Look at this stuff.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:09

      Oh, that's nuts.

   5. JDJoey Diaz15:09

      You know what I means? He's-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:10

      I fully support buying this movie.

   7. JDJoey Diaz15:12

      You're looking at me going, "Joey, it's a comedy. Why are they dance..." Look at the... It just adds to the brilliance.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      Yeah. They look like they're having a good time.

   9. JDJoey Diaz15:19

      Oh, they're, if they're not snorting blow, they're not doing anything. Okay?

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       (laughs)

   11. JDJoey Diaz15:23

       Now was it this movie-

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:25

       It's different.

   13. JDJoey Diaz15:25

       ... where he would walk off the set and just knock on people's door? One of those movies, bro, this fucking nut, when they would say, "Cut," you know, A team go sit down? Belushi was so fucked up from the night before, he would just wander off into a neighborhood, (laughs) knock on somebody's door and go, "You mind if I crash on your couch?" (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       No.

   15. JDJoey Diaz15:46

       Yeah, bro. They had to go looking for him in neighborhoods and shit.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       He would just find people and ask to sleep on their couch?

   17. JDJoey Diaz15:51

       God, Joe Rogan, what door could you knock on... Look.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:55

       (laughs) The Blues Brothers mayhem, John Belushi fell asleep in a stranger's house, Dan Aykroyd proposed to Carrie Fisher.

   19. JDJoey Diaz16:00

       This is crazy. Like, this was... This.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:02

       Wow.

   21. JDJoey Diaz16:03

       Caddyshack.

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:04

       Wow.

   23. JDJoey Diaz16:04

       You know when they shot Caddyshack they shot it in Florida. I heard when Paramount went down there, they fucking went nuts. They were like, "Look." They found everybody snorting coke. Rodney was throwing a party. They couldn't... You know, this is a different type of movie. These people are having fun. That's the difference. They're having fun on that set.

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:22

       Yeah.

   25. JDJoey Diaz16:22

       There's probably alcohol, the director's drinking. You know, he's keeping everybody alive. How many extras were dancing?

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:28

       Fucking hundreds.

   27. JDJoey Diaz16:29

       That's great.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:29

       And they were all in tune. And it was like, everybody loved that movie. That's one of the rare movies with a musical scene that fucking, everybody loved The Blues Brothers. Right?

   29. JDJoey Diaz16:39

       Now, The Blues Brothers started on Saturday Night Live, like, that was a sketch?

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:43

       I, I guess so, yeah.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Maybe. …

   1. JVJamie Vernon30:00

      I don't know.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      Maybe.

   3. JVJamie Vernon30:00

      Yeah, I don't-

   4. JDJoey Diaz30:00

      Yeah.

   5. JVJamie Vernon30:01

      Or that's a good ex- reason why he-

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:03

      I would imagine as fast-

   7. JVJamie Vernon30:05

      I don't know.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:05

      ... as those goddamn things are going, it must be really hard to get a camera-

   9. JDJoey Diaz30:07

      Can you believe he says that?

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:08

       ... to be able to constantly focus in and out, and...

   11. JDJoey Diaz30:10

       That's interesting. He says that Lieutenant G- Ryan Grimes VIII.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:14

       Graves?

   13. JDJoey Diaz30:15

       Graves, whatever. Uh, a squadron of UFOs followed his Navy strike group up and down the eastern coast of the US for months.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:23

       Hmm.

   15. JDJoey Diaz30:23

       That's... I'm telling you.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:24

       Yeah.

   17. JDJoey Diaz30:24

       That little fucking...I read something about the Hudson River, that all those people that live across the Hudson River, whether on the Weehawken/Edgewater side or the west side of Manhattan, those are where the people on their balconies see all that shit.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:39

       Look at this shit. "We did have issues with them when we went to the Middle East," Lieutenant Graves said. How cr- Oof. How ... Imagine them following the war.

   19. NANarrator30:49

       It's-

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:49

       Imagine if you were a- there were aliens and they came down to follow the war, so they see the war going on in Iraq-

   21. JDJoey Diaz30:54

       How crazy is that?

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:55

       ... and Afghanistan, come down, and they're checking it out.

   23. JVJamie Vernon30:58

       Just to d- go on the cynical side of this, they're not necessarily saying they are an alien ship. They're saying it's a UFO, so it's something they're not sure of.

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:06

       Of course.

   25. JVJamie Vernon31:06

       What if it's some sort of awesome drone that some Middle Eastern company has and it can just follow shit.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:12

       It's possible.

   27. JVJamie Vernon31:12

       Or move faster or something. Who knows? I don't know.

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:14

       Sure. That would be the more likely d-

   29. JVJamie Vernon31:15

       Yeah. I guess.

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:15

       ... ex- explanation, right? Terrestrial would be more likely, that someone has advanced shit. We know they have advanced shit. I mean, we know they have incredible drones. You know?
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   (laughs) …

   1. JDJoey Diaz45:00

      to sue him. And it was just a... He, and he... When I was telling him this, his face was red. He had to take his napkin down when he was banging the table. He goes, "Cokes, I just remembered the broken fucking arm."

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:15

      (laughs)

   3. JDJoey Diaz45:15

      You know, he's my age. He goes, "I forgot all about my broken fucking arm."

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      Oh, no.

   5. JDJoey Diaz45:18

      "You know, before you came in, Jamie and I were talking about Achilles tendons, and I s- and I r- remember the time ripping a ham- pulling a hamstring. Like, having to go to the hospital when I was 15, and having the fucking doctor do a something, and it was bruised. Blood was running from my ass to the top of my leg. It was fucking horrible."

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:39

      Mm.

   7. JDJoey Diaz45:39

      "I just ripped a hamstring." We were talking about, uh-

   8. NANarrator45:42

      How many-

   9. JDJoey Diaz45:43

      Uh, you know, like, just that.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   11. JDJoey Diaz45:44

       You know? And then there's, there's a theory that there's times, like, you'll go back to Newark. Like, you... I don't know if there's a fi- Are you going to Newark, that fight in Newark?

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:53

       No, I'm not gonna... I'm not working that one.

   13. JDJoey Diaz45:54

       Well, let's pretend you went back to Newark and you went to see where your grandpa lived and you saw a corner store that was still there. This is interesting. And you go into that corner store, and maybe you get a bag of Wise potato chips. Maybe you get a bun that you went there and got. They say by tasting that bun, uh, it takes you back and opens up all those fucking memories. But-

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:17

       Why eating something from the area?

   15. JDJoey Diaz46:18

       Something, something. It's like sometimes a song will trigger-

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:22

       Huh.

   17. JDJoey Diaz46:22

       ... something.

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:23

       Right.

   19. JDJoey Diaz46:23

       Fucking songs really trigger you.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:25

       Yeah, for sure.

   21. JDJoey Diaz46:26

       That's why it's important sometimes when you watch a movie or a TV show to have a soundtrack, because we have a soundtrack.

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:33

       Mm-hmm.

   23. JDJoey Diaz46:33

       We all have a soundtrack of our lives. I, I... Uh, a couple years ago I was on a podcast and we were talking about some Bon Jovi. And you were like, "Oh, I remember giving some chick a stab and listening to Bon Jovi." (laughing) Something like that, you know what I'm saying? Like, you'll say it. You'll even say it.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:47

       (laughs)

   25. JDJoey Diaz46:47

       "I fucked Mary Lou Smith in the ass listening to Bon Jovi."

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:48

       Whoa, Jesus.

   27. JDJoey Diaz46:48

       Something like that. (laughing) You know what I'm saying? Like, you'll say... You'll even say it.

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:48

       (laughs)

   29. JDJoey Diaz46:48

       "I fucked Mary Lou Smith in the ass listening to this song."

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:50

       Yeah.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:11:20

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      right there. It's like a drawing. Oh, that's kind of TV show-ish.

   2. JDJoey Diaz1:00:04

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:06

      (laughs)

   4. JDJoey Diaz1:00:07

      The smog monster had laser beams-

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      (laughs)

   6. JDJoey Diaz1:00:11

      ... coming out of his fucking eyes like Medusa. Yes he did. Yes he did.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:15

      Did he?

   8. JDJoey Diaz1:00:15

      One of them had fucking laser beams.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

      Did he really?

   10. JDJoey Diaz1:00:17

       Looks like that.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       Oh my God, the three-headed things. That, what was that called again? It's right here, hold on. I forgot about that three-headed thing. King, King Ghidorah, or I don't know how to say that. Oh, Ghidorah.

   12. JDJoey Diaz1:00:28

       Mothra, Rodan.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       It was Ghidorah, right?

   14. JDJoey Diaz1:00:31

       Ghidorah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:31

       Yeah. Just pull up a video of, uh, Godzilla versus Ghidorah. (laughs)

   16. JDJoey Diaz1:00:37

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       It was so silly, but man, when we were little kids and this shit was on-

   18. JDJoey Diaz1:00:42

       You can lose your fucking mind.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       ... on Saturday night, a Saturday morning.

   20. JDJoey Diaz1:00:44

       Lose your fucking mind?

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:44

       Yeah.

   22. JDJoey Diaz1:00:45

       Lose your mind. I used to love this shit.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       It was the best. When you found out Godzilla was gonna be on TV, you were so pumped.

   24. JVJamie Vernon1:00:51

       That's just from the actual new movie that's on.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       Oh, there's a new movie with Ghidorah?

   26. JVJamie Vernon1:00:54

       This one's out... No, this movie is out right now.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:56

       It is?

   28. JVJamie Vernon1:00:57

       It's the Godzilla: King of the Monsters, yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       And, and Ghidorah's-

   30. JVJamie Vernon1:00:58

       That's why it's brought it up.

Episode duration: 2:57:40