Joe Rogan Experience #1324 - Ian Edwards

Ian Edwards is a stand up comedian and also hosts his own podcast called “Soccer Comic Rant” on iTunes/Stitcher. His new special "Bill Burr presents Ian Talk: Ideas Not Worth Spreading" premieres July 12 on Comedy Central.

Joe RoganhostIan EdwardsguestJamie Vernonguest

Jul 12, 20192h 30mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,018 words

0:00 – 15:00
(humming) Boom! Ian Edwards,…
1. JRJoe Rogan
  (humming) Boom! Ian Edwards, the ever, the contrarian, shows up with an Android phone, drinking tea.
2. IEIan Edwards
  (laughs) Gangster son. (laughs)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Crazy. He just followed no rules, man.
4. IEIan Edwards
  Still vegan, baby. (laughs)
5. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Sort of. You had some french fries with David Lee Roth that were made with clearly-
6. IEIan Edwards
  A legend. (laughs)
7. JRJoe Rogan
  ... with some animal fat. Uh, Jamie, you were there. What did you see?
8. NANarrator
  I saw a french fry or two.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
10. NANarrator
  Disappeared in my life.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Listen, up at MGM Steakhouse, they ain't cooking that fucking... Those french fries in anything other than animal fat. Guaranteed. They're too delicious.
12. IEIan Edwards
  I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Even at McDonald's. If you get McDonald's fries, apparently they cook them in some fucking disgusting fat.
14. IEIan Edwards
  Well, that's what makes them taste so good.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  (sighs) What does make McDonald's fries taste good, they're pretty good, but they're not my favorite. I don't-
16. IEIan Edwards
  They're not?
17. JRJoe Rogan
  I get confused when people say they're better than In-N-Out fries.
18. NANarrator
  Oh, what? How?
19. JRJoe Rogan
  I like fries that taste like potatoes.
20. IEIan Edwards
  Oh yeah?
21. NANarrator
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  In-N-Out, In-N-Out fries are far superior.
23. IEIan Edwards
  I don't like fries that taste like potatoes.
24. NANarrator
  How dare you?
25. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Look at... What? This is the most upset I've ever seen Jamie in all my years working with him.
26. IEIan Edwards
  (laughs)
27. NANarrator
  In-N-Out fries are better than McDonald's.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  I do personally feel like... You know who I, I had beef with that about?
29. IEIan Edwards
  Hilarious.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Kandy Alexander from, uh, News Radio. She was the first person to... Like, we went and got In-N-Out, like, for the whole s- the whole group of us.
15:00 – 30:00
(laughs) …
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. IEIan Edwards
  (laughs)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  I vote left on fucking everything. But you, you gotta stop f- anthropomorphizing animals. We gotta be careful. We, I'm on team people.
4. IEIan Edwards
  (laughs)
5. JRJoe Rogan
  I don't want these animals to die, but I also don't wanna go out to my fucking swimming pool and see a bear in there. And they, they have that in Pasadena. Have you seen that shit in Pasadena? This family went outside and there was a fucking bear swimming around their pool.
6. IEIan Edwards
  They got bears in Pasadena?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Bro! Big ones.
8. IEIan Edwards
  Why does it feel like-
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Like a 200-pound bear swimming in this motherfucker's pool.
10. IEIan Edwards
  Do I live here?
11. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
12. NANarrator
  (laughs)
13. IEIan Edwards
  How do- how don't I know this shit?
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Not only that, you gotta take over, man. If they decide that this is their spot, look at this shit.
15. IEIan Edwards
  Hilarious.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Look, there's a c- a few of them.
17. NANarrator
  (laughs)
18. IEIan Edwards
  It's got the whole family in there.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God. How many bears are in there?
20. NANarrator
  Three, I think.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God. Dude, these are, these things are no joke. The problem with bears is too-
22. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... once they get a f- a spot where they know they can get food-
24. IEIan Edwards
  Uh-huh.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... or they can get water or they can get something, they're gonna come back to that spot. They get habituated. That's why they have a real problem with them, with the people at Yellowstone used to feed them.
26. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, people would pull in and then y- I actually did that.
28. IEIan Edwards
  All right.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Or was there when that happened. When I was a little kid, I went to Yellowstone. My parents took me when I was probably like seven or eight years old.
30. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
30:00 – 45:00
As far as it…
1. IEIan Edwards
  far as it takes.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  As far as it takes.
3. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  (clicks tongue) Yeah, it's, um, it's a weird, you know, with many, many, many subjects.
5. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  There's, like, a weird, "Well, it's not exactly. Well, it's this."
7. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, if... There's a vaccine court for a reason. Vaccines have done damage to people.
9. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  People have gotten injured from vaccines where a- during the injection site, something happened. Peter Hotez was talking about that. He's a doctor that's a specialist in infectious diseases and vaccines, and he was explaining that there's five environmental factors that they think, or five factors they think contribute to, uh, a child possibly getting autism. They've narrowed it down to these things with the m- the most current research. But they're all during the womb. It's, it's contact with things during the womb or-
11. IEIan Edwards
  Oh, yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  ... in the genetics of the mother. They think that s- it has something to do with the developmental process while the child is in vitro (clears throat) in the woman's body.... not after birth.
13. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  They don't think it occurs after birth. But I don't know that. I mean, they could be wrong. They could be, could be current, and then they could change that opinion a year from now. They could-
15. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  ... find new evidence. That shit happens all the time.
17. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah, exactly.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It really does. It happens all the time. But what we have to do is make sure we have fucking people that are working on this shit, trying to figure out s- the way to stop diseases. Because otherwise, some Spanish flu-type shit comes rolling around, and all these-
19. IEIan Edwards
  Some simple shit and kill everybody.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  That Spanish flu killed millions and millions of people in the 1920s.
21. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah, and it doesn't-
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Millions.
23. IEIan Edwards
  ... sound lethal at all. It's just Spanish flu.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
25. IEIan Edwards
  It's just like, how did that kill people?
26. JRJoe Rogan
  (sighs) Sounds like a drink.
27. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
29. NANarrator
  To bring that full circle back to downtown LA, that, where typhus outbreaks have happened-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, great. (laughs)
45:00 – 1:00:00
You get one- …
1. IEIan Edwards
  it'll slow-
2. JRJoe Rogan
  You get one-
3. IEIan Edwards
  I know it'll slow down.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, Apple phones will slow down because they engineered them. And that made me sick.
5. IEIan Edwards
  Yes.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  That, that almost made me stop using Apple stuff. I was like-
7. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  ... I can't believe that you guys are attributing this to b- to battery life. That is a-
9. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  That's in- disingenuous.
11. IEIan Edwards
  And then they admitted it, right?
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, they admitted it, but they said they did it so that y- it would give you more battery life, because your battery degrades over time, so they engineered it. That is a convenient-
13. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  They, they also must have understood that people were gonna get frustrated with the fact that it slowed down considerably-
15. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and it would give them an incentive to buy a new phone. To say that they didn't say that, like, come on, you guys are so goddamn smart, you make iPhones.
17. IEIan Edwards
  Right. They figured out everything.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
19. IEIan Edwards
  But not that.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  You didn't figure that out?
21. IEIan Edwards
  So you figured that out on purpose.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Right.
23. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  You also are one of the most successful businesses of all time. Apple has billions of dollars cash-
25. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... just sitting there. They have so much money.
27. IEIan Edwards
  They got, they got Pablo Escobar buried money.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  They got so much money.
29. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Apple has something like... How many billions of dollars does Apple have?
1:00:00 – 1:06:58
Mm-hmm. …
1. JRJoe Rogan
  was confined to your own weight class.
2. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  You know? If I had to wrestle some badass dude, at least, uh, it was my own weight class.
4. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  You know?
6. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah, this is like the weight scale is all over the place on a football field.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, man. It's all over the place. And the athleticism is all over the place too, you know?
8. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  You get a guy like Herschel Walker in, you know, if you're in high school and there's a Herschel Walker in high school-
10. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  ... and he's on some team that you're opposing.
12. IEIan Edwards
  Right.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Good luck, fuck face.
14. NANarrator
  (laughs)
15. IEIan Edwards
  (laughs)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  There's, there's people that are just superior.
17. IEIan Edwards
  Uh-huh.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Just superior. There's not a damn thing you can do about it.
19. IEIan Edwards
  There, there, uh, there are people like that in martial arts, like, when you're, or wrestling?
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
21. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah?
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. There's things like that. And outliers, you know? There's outliers.
23. IEIan Edwards
  Yeah.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  ... in all sports. And a lot of it has to do, you know, with what you did growing up. Sometimes people do things growing up, like a lot of wrestlers-
25. IEIan Edwards
  Mm-hmm.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... it turns out, like, working on farms as a kid-
27. IEIan Edwards
  Ah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  ... is a great way for wrestlers to be super strong.
29. IEIan Edwards
  You know who sh- who make good wrestlers? Cowboys.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.

Episode duration: 2:30:30

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(humming) Boom! Ian Edwards,…

(laughs) …

As far as it…

You get one- …

Mm-hmm. …

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