Joe Rogan Experience #1328 - Whitney Cummings

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   She has more lifelike…

   1. WCWhitney Cummings0:01

      She has more lifelike eyes.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      Boom. And we're- we're, here we go. We're going. Uh, Whitney Cummings is here, and Whitney Cummings Two. What do you call her?

   3. WCWhitney Cummings0:08

      (laughs) What's your name?

   4. NANarrator0:12

      What's your name?

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      (splutters)

   6. NANarrator0:13

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      She's like a little kid. She just repeats her name.

   8. NANarrator0:17

      ... other comedy albums, which typically mix songs with non-musical-

   9. WCWhitney Cummings0:21

      She's talking about Adam Sandler.

   10. NANarrator0:23

       What's your name?

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:23

       Oh.

   12. WCWhitney Cummings0:23

       (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       She's broken.

   14. WCWhitney Cummings0:25

       Don't know why. She heard-

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       That's his album name from, like, the '90s.

   16. NANarrator0:27

       She's like Siri.

   17. WCWhitney Cummings0:28

       Oh, What's Your Name was a c- a comedy album of Adam Sandler's.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:31

       Oh.

   19. NANarrator0:31

       Oh, okay.

   20. WCWhitney Cummings0:32

       So she started rambling about it. She really wants to chime in.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       So you never gave her a name?

   22. WCWhitney Cummings0:36

       Her name's Bearclaw.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       Whoa.

   24. WCWhitney Cummings0:40

       (laughs) Because I have this-

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       Hey, Bearclaw.

   26. WCWhitney Cummings0:43

       Can you say hi?

   27. NANarrator0:46

       Of course I can say that. Hi.

   28. JRJoe Rogan0:48

       People are, like, listening to this going, "What in the fuck is going on here?"

   29. WCWhitney Cummings0:52

       (laughs) Do not smoke weed and watch this episode.

   30. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       What is here is, w- when it's people that are just listening, if you're just listening, you probably should stop this and go to YouTube and watch the YouTube version 'cause Whitney brought a robot-
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. WCWhitney Cummings15:00

      must have picked these for a reason.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      Mm-hmm.

   3. WCWhitney Cummings15:01

      I was under the impression guys did not want jealous.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:02

      Oh, yeah. Some guys want jealous for sure, especially from a robot that can't walk.

   5. WCWhitney Cummings15:06

      Yeah. (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:07

      (laughs)

   7. WCWhitney Cummings15:07

      If your robot's not jealous, you should get your money back.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:09

      Well, n- no. The idea is that she, you're more powerful than she is.

   9. WCWhitney Cummings15:13

      Yeah. (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:14

       Like, she needs you. She's worried. "Where are you going?"

   11. WCWhitney Cummings15:16

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:17

       "Who, who is she?"

   13. WCWhitney Cummings15:17

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:18

       "Who's calling you?"

   15. WCWhitney Cummings15:18

       Yeah. That's, there is something hot about that if she can't, if you can turn her off whenever you want. (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       Well, some guys like that. Some guys like girls that wanna fight.

   17. WCWhitney Cummings15:28

       Oof. Not me.

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       Not me either.

   19. WCWhitney Cummings15:29

       No.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:30

       Some guys are into that though. They want, they want drama in their life.

   21. WCWhitney Cummings15:33

       It's, like, just an adrenaline thing or just feeling important or-

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       It's also distraction. Usually they're losers, and their life is a mess.

   23. WCWhitney Cummings15:39

       Mm-hmm.

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:39

       And so, like, to have someone who wants to provide drama in their life all the time.

   25. WCWhitney Cummings15:44

       Mm-hmm.

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       And it's also a learned pattern that they get if their parents fought a lot.

   27. WCWhitney Cummings15:47

       That's right. They've seen it. Yeah. That's all they know.

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       Yeah.

   29. WCWhitney Cummings15:49

       That's what they think a relationship is.

   30. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       Mm-hmm. Yeah, there's a lot of that.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yeah, yeah, yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

   2. WCWhitney Cummings30:00

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      Fill in the crazy number, whatever it is.

   4. WCWhitney Cummings30:02

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:02

      But by the time 2042 actually rolls around, we will be so far ahead-

   6. WCWhitney Cummings30:07

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:07

      ... of where we are now-

   8. WCWhitney Cummings30:08

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:08

      ... that it's all, it's impossible for us to even imagine the territory.

   10. WCWhitney Cummings30:12

       Right. Yeah, which is, I think, part of the reason I wanted to, like, make her and ha- It's like wh- why isn't anyone talking about laws? Why isn't anyone talk- Like, no one's really thinking about, like ... I, I feel like, like, everything, we, we sort of, after it's become too late, that's when we start-... pulling it together in terms of legislation and shit.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:29

       How do you incorporate her into your set?

   12. WCWhitney Cummings30:32

       I talk about robots for a good hour. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:35

       And you bring her out?

   14. WCWhitney Cummings30:35

       I cut it down, but I just kinda realized, like, I mean, you know, it's like making a special, like, I'm like, "Well, if I'm gonna talk about fucking robots for 40 minutes, some shit better come out at the end." Do you know? So, but I went down to this sex robot factory to sort of get material and just know what the fuck I was talking about. And, uh, they asked, you know, "Do you want us to make one of you?" And I was like-

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:55

       (laughs)

   16. WCWhitney Cummings30:55

       ... "Fucking that's insane, yes."

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:56

       Did you know that they only made one? (laughs)

   18. WCWhitney Cummings30:58

       I hope they're being sold by the fucking droves.

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       (gasps)

   20. WCWhitney Cummings31:01

       That would make my day. Which I did ask, 'cause, you know, people request-

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:05

       Right.

   22. WCWhitney Cummings31:05

       ... with sex dolls. Like, specific celebrities' body parts.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:08

       Oh, yeah.

   24. WCWhitney Cummings31:08

       The most, who do you think the most requested mouth is?

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:12

       Scarlett Johansson.

   26. WCWhitney Cummings31:13

       Nope. I knew you were gonna say that-

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:14

       Oprah Winfrey?

   28. WCWhitney Cummings31:14

       ... 'cause I know you love... (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:18

       No?

   30. WCWhitney Cummings31:19

       Emilia Clarke.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Wow. …

   1. WCWhitney Cummings45:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Wow.

   3. WCWhitney Cummings45:00

      And I just took a bunch of painkillers and shit.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:02

      Huh.

   5. WCWhitney Cummings45:02

      'Cause get ... It's hard to get anesthesia into cartilage.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:05

      I know guys, their ears are so fucked up, they can't get AirPods in there.

   7. WCWhitney Cummings45:08

      Oh, fuck. (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:09

      They just have a hole.

   9. WCWhitney Cummings45:10

      Well, see-

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:10

       Like a tiny pinhole.

   11. WCWhitney Cummings45:11

       On this side, I have a piercing-

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:13

       Oh.

   13. WCWhitney Cummings45:13

       ... like, right there. This was for ... 'Cause I get migraines and they say-

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:17

       So you ... What?

   15. WCWhitney Cummings45:17

       ... this piercing helps with migraines.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:19

       Oh, Jesus Christ.

   17. WCWhitney Cummings45:19

       It's probably just psychosomatic. It's some fucking-

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:21

       Oh, now my migraines are fine.

   19. WCWhitney Cummings45:23

       I know, totally. It's f- ... But placebo effect is an effect.

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:25

       Wow.

   21. WCWhitney Cummings45:25

       I rely on it heavily. But that was just ... That didn't hurt in there.

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       No?

   23. WCWhitney Cummings45:30

       Until ... It didn't hurt when it went through, but then it hurt for six months after.

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:36

       Jesus Christ.

   25. WCWhitney Cummings45:36

       Ears are a fucking nightmare, I'll tell you what.

   26. JRJoe Rogan45:39

       Yeah.

   27. WCWhitney Cummings45:39

       But yeah, so we got her ear molded 'cause it's amazing. I think something is that ... And I was talking to this facial transplant person about how it's actually really hard to get something to look similar.

   28. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       Mm-hmm.

   29. WCWhitney Cummings45:50

       Like the bones start ... Everything's gotta be perfect. Like, my nose is really asymmetrical, my nostrils are really asymmetrical. So they had to real- work really hard and mold it over and over again, yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       How do nostrils become asymmetrical?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:01:19

   Sure. Yeah. …

   1. WCWhitney Cummings1:00:00

      I, I mean, would there ever be human versus robot fights?

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:04

      Sure. Yeah.

   3. WCWhitney Cummings1:00:04

      I would... I can't wait.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:06

      They would have to dial the robots down, right? They would have to... Like when I was talking about, we were talking about before the show started that I think it would be cool to have a robot that moved at like 50%-

   5. WCWhitney Cummings1:00:17

      Mm-hmm.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

      Like a martial arts robot that you would be able to practice technique on.

   7. WCWhitney Cummings1:00:20

      True.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

      So you just would, but just... You'd basically what you would do is do drills, right? Like you would do like a Dutch combination which is a one, two, left hook to the body, right leg kick. And you would do it like while it's in front of you advancing, you pa-pa-bam-boom. And it would have to like react to your punches but it would do everything at like 50% speed so you could take a chance of this thing hitting you, but it probably wouldn't.

   9. WCWhitney Cummings1:00:42

      Mm-mm.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:42

       But it would provide you with enough movement so that you could develop patterns in your mind and your body would like synchronize with these patterns so that in a real fight you would know what, what's... You would, you would have these things in... sort of ingrained.

   11. WCWhitney Cummings1:00:57

       Mm-hmm.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

       Like one of the things that happens in a fight is things happen that you don't think of, you just do them and you don't realize you were even going to do them until you already did it.

   13. WCWhitney Cummings1:01:06

       Right.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:07

       'Cause it's like you've drilled them into your subconscious.

   15. WCWhitney Cummings1:01:09

       Right, right.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:01:09

       So you could do that-

   17. WCWhitney Cummings1:01:10

       It's like muscle memory.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:01:10

       ... with, with a robot and then maybe you could ramp the robot up to three-quarter speed if you got really good at it. Then you could-

   19. WCWhitney Cummings1:01:15

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:01:15

       ... really move and duck and it would be throwing punches at you trying to hit you.

Episode duration: 2:13:11