Joe Rogan Experience #1329 - Brian Moses

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Boo, boo, boo, boom.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Boo, boo, boo, boom. Brian Moses, you are one of the saviors of comedy. I want you to know this. Honestly, truly, really, 'cause the Roast Battle, Roast Battle is like one of the last real, like, sanctuaries for horrible comedy, like, nasty-

   2. BMBrian Moses0:21

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      ... evil, fucked up, but hilarious comedy. And the way you do it, where you make everybody hug it out at the end, and y- you know, and you, like, set the ground rules, no violence. This is just j- joke writing.

   4. BMBrian Moses0:34

      This is all, this is just, words don't hurt us.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:37

      When I first came back to The Comedy Store, it was like, how many years ago it was now? It's like five years ago or something like that.

   6. BMBrian Moses0:42

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:42

      And-

   8. BMBrian Moses0:42

      The exile was over.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:43

      ... and when I saw Roast Battle, it was one of the things that made me go, "Whoa, this place is different now. This place has changed. It's like, it's evolved."

   10. BMBrian Moses0:52

       We brought like, kind of like some like what of a, uh, a fight culture back to it. You know what I mean?

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:56

       Yeah.

   12. BMBrian Moses0:56

       You know, like where, if you have a problem, you know, we're in a place where all we use is words anyway, so duke it out that way.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       Yeah. Well, not just that. There's people that don't have problems with each other and they just-

   14. BMBrian Moses1:07

       (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:07

       ... fuck each other up on that stage. (laughs) There's like people with like devastated friendships.

   16. BMBrian Moses1:11

       Yeah, they ruin friendships. They, uh-

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:13

       Yeah. (laughs)

   18. BMBrian Moses1:13

       But I mean, but nobody's ever attacked each other, so...

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:15

       That's amazing.

   20. BMBrian Moses1:16

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:16

       Uh, 'cause I've been there a couple times. I stopped going. It makes me feel bad. (laughs)

   22. BMBrian Moses1:20

       Does it? It's consensual. Everybody-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:23

       Dude.

   24. BMBrian Moses1:23

       ... everybody's involved.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:24

       I fucking, I'm the commentator for the UFC-

   26. BMBrian Moses1:27

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:27

       ... and Roast Battle makes me feel bad. (laughs)

   28. BMBrian Moses1:29

       That's the combat sport you don't like?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:31

       Just stop and think about how crazy that is.

   30. BMBrian Moses1:33

       That's nuts. Why? How is that possible?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   It's like the LAPD.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      It's not gonna make you a better fighter. I mean, you wouldn't want your opponent to be on PCP because they would have no fear. They would just come charging at you and they might be able to just fuck you up just 'cause of that, if you panicked. But if you were a seasoned fighter and a guy had PC... Was on PCP, he would just come charging recklessly. You just crack him as he's coming in and keep moving and eventually-

   2. BMBrian Moses15:17

      It's like the LAPD.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:18

      Eventually his body would wear out. Your body can only go for so long.

   4. BMBrian Moses15:21

      Take so much. Yeah, until it becomes mush.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:23

      There's a lot of people that believe in themselves and they get flat-lined.

   6. BMBrian Moses15:27

      Yeah. (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:27

      You know? They, they 100% believe in themselves.

   8. BMBrian Moses15:29

      (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:29

      "You gotta fucking believe in it, bro. If you believe, you can achieve." Mm, not really, you know? If you believe in yourself and Francis Ngannou punches you in the face, you're going into the spirit world.

   10. BMBrian Moses15:40

       Yeah. Or, like-

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:40

       No matter what.

   12. BMBrian Moses15:41

       ACAB's beat you down, like, for, like, eight minutes.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:43

       Yes.

   14. BMBrian Moses15:43

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:43

       Yeah, with clubs.

   16. BMBrian Moses15:44

       With clubs. Yeah, like metal clubs.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       They mace you and club you.

   18. BMBrian Moses15:46

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:47

       Was that pre-tasers? Did they not have tasers back then?

   20. BMBrian Moses15:50

       So that was after the, uh, the choke, uh, 'cause you couldn't choke guys out anymore. So that's why they say they beat him down because they couldn't choke him out.

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       Really?

   22. BMBrian Moses15:57

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       They couldn't choke him ou-

   24. BMBrian Moses15:58

       You couldn't-

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:58

       Oh, that's right. They put a ban on choke holds.

   26. BMBrian Moses16:00

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:01

       Why'd they do that?

   28. BMBrian Moses16:02

       Because they were killing guys.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       Oh.

   30. BMBrian Moses16:04

       'Cause they were saying guys were on PCP when they weren't on PCP and they were, like, literally killing dudes.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yeah. Um- …

   1. BMBrian Moses30:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      Yeah. Um-

   3. BMBrian Moses30:00

      He's my favorite, by the way.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:02

      Love him.

   5. BMBrian Moses30:02

      I, he is my spirit animal. I fucking love Mike Tyson.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      I got Tyson weed over there if you wanna smoke some.

   7. BMBrian Moses30:06

      Do you really?

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:06

      Yeah. Do you smoke weed?

   9. BMBrian Moses30:08

      Yeah, I smoke weed.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:08

       How often?

   11. BMBrian Moses30:09

       Every day.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:09

       Every day?

   13. BMBrian Moses30:10

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:10

       You wanna smoke some right now?

   15. BMBrian Moses30:11

       Yeah, let's smoke some right now.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:11

       Let's smoke some Tyson weed. Hold please.

   17. BMBrian Moses30:12

       Mom, sorry.

   18. GUGuest30:16

       Oh, shit. Hold please. Breaking out the good stuff.

   19. BMBrian Moses30:18

       It's gonna knock me out, let's do it. Mike Tyson, holler at me please.

   20. GUGuest30:24

       Uh, some Tyson Ranch-

   21. BMBrian Moses30:25

       Yeah.

   22. GUGuest30:25

       ... original stuff, I think.

   23. BMBrian Moses30:27

       In California City, dude, I grew up out... That's where all the-

   24. GUGuest30:29

       Yeah.

   25. BMBrian Moses30:29

       ... the earthquakes are.

   26. GUGuest30:30

       Oh, shit.

   27. BMBrian Moses30:31

       Oh, yeah.

   28. GUGuest30:32

       I think they're launching it soon, the Ranch.

   29. BMBrian Moses30:35

       The Ranch.

   30. GUGuest30:36

       There it is.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      ... Like y- you have to wonder, like, if you made m- (laughs) Like, what if you used to sell babies?

   2. BMBrian Moses45:06

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:06

      Right? You had a- a baby-selling business.

   4. BMBrian Moses45:08

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      You sold babies, right? And then, uh, your- your grandson inherited all your money from selling babies.

   6. BMBrian Moses45:16

      Okay.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:17

      But the grandson's cool, I mean, he just ... Uh, he goes golfing and he's not a criminal.

   8. BMBrian Moses45:21

      Right.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:21

      It's fine, it's fine. But is it fine? Because didn't his money come from baby-selling?

   10. BMBrian Moses45:26

       Right.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:27

       Where's it ... Where ... Wait a minute, let's trace this money. Like here's ... It started out.

   12. BMBrian Moses45:31

       Okay.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:31

       It was this much money, and then your dad got that, and then his dad got that.

   14. BMBrian Moses45:35

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:35

       And then like ... How many generations?

   16. BMBrian Moses45:38

       Okay. So you're saying that families who were known plantation owners-

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       It's slave money. Yes.

   18. BMBrian Moses45:42

       ... should have to pay that money back to the Black community?

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       Well, wh- where did it go? Where'd the money go? What was it used for?

   20. BMBrian Moses45:47

       No, you're right, but I'm saying, all right.

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:48

       I mean, it's only 100 years ago. It's 1865.

   22. BMBrian Moses45:51

       Okay.

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:51

       (laughs) It's not that long ago, that's so recent. It was 150 years ago.

   24. BMBrian Moses45:54

       And we're just giving it to anybody that- that's on the census that says they're Black, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:57

       No.

   26. BMBrian Moses45:57

       To ... What, like an 8% ... If I'm 8% Black, I'm gonna get how much of this, you know, uh, the Jones plantation, you know, fortune?

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:04

       I'm not saying that. I'm saying that what the- the smart thing to do would be to figure out what damage was ... Like, if they really objectively looked at what damage was done to communities where slavery existed for ... I mean, how many hundreds of years in this country before it was ...

   28. BMBrian Moses46:24

       400 years.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:25

       Hundreds-

   30. NANarrator46:26

       Yeah, yeah.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:03:02

   I'm going to guess…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

   2. BMBrian Moses1:00:00

      I'm going to guess that's what it's about.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:01

      I don't think that's what it's about either.

   4. BMBrian Moses1:00:02

      (laughs) It's not about Joe Jackson.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      I think that's about getting your shit together.

   6. BMBrian Moses1:00:05

      (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:06

      << I'm clean off the ground >>

   8. BMBrian Moses1:00:08

      They also say, they also say because she bought the Beatles catalog that that's a smear campaign and like they paid those kids off to say that about him.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:14

      That's ridiculous.

   10. BMBrian Moses1:00:16

       It's a great conspiracy theory.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

       I think people, I think people are, um... You know, they're crazy if they think it's normal for a guy to have a bunch of kids sleep in his bed and hang out with them.

   12. BMBrian Moses1:00:28

       He was weird.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:29

       That is-

   14. BMBrian Moses1:00:29

       You know, Michael's on drugs.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       That is off the charts bananas that anybody would let their kids stay there.

   16. BMBrian Moses1:00:36

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:36

       Off the charts bananas.

   18. BMBrian Moses1:00:37

       It is. Also, Mike was off the charts.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

       Yeah.

   20. BMBrian Moses1:00:42

       He had so many hits.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       He was also-

   22. BMBrian Moses1:00:44

       The more hits you have, the more shit you can get away with until eventually-

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       This, it says-

   24. GUGuest1:00:47

       It's only making fun of him.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       Okay. Berman's dis- dismissed a request for bail because Epstein's impulses are not likely to have abated or been successfully suppressed. That's not exactly... I definitely para-

   26. GUGuest1:00:58

       Yeah, that's only making fun of him.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

       That makes more sense. I paraphrased hard. So that's how things get-

   28. BMBrian Moses1:01:01

       Is the Florida guy in there?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:02

       That's how rumors get started.

   30. BMBrian Moses1:01:04

       So this is in Florida. You can get away with anything there?

Episode duration: 3:13:15