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Joe Rogan Experience #1336 - Legion of Skanks

Legion Of Skanks has been called “the most offensive podcast on Earth” and the hosts and creators are stand up comedians - Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, and Dave Smith. https://gasdigitalnetwork.com/gdn-show-channels/legion-of-skanks/

Luis J. GomezguestJoe RoganhostDave SmithguestBig Jay Oakersonguest
Aug 20, 20192h 49mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:003:19

    Getting too high & fact-checking Mike Tyson’s “$40K a week” weed claim

    1. LG

      I, I rarely watch the event live.

    2. JR

      Hello, skanks.

    3. LG

      What's up?

    4. DS

      Hello.

    5. JR

      We're live. This is sort of-

    6. DS

      Hell yeah.

    7. JR

      ... we're, we're recorded.

    8. DS

      (laughs)

    9. JR

      Good to see you boys.

    10. LG

      What's up, doggy?

    11. JR

      Good to see you too, talking. Things got strange as soon as I said we're live. Everybody's like, "Oh."

    12. LG

      Oh man, we were having a great conversation.

    13. JR

      People are listening? (laughs)

    14. DS

      Right now?

    15. JR

      We're a little too high right now.

    16. DS

      (laughs) People are listening to what?

    17. JR

      That goddamn Mike Tyson weed. That Mike Tyson-

    18. LG

      We really were just having the most natural conversation.

    19. JR

      Yep.

    20. LG

      Everyone was going back and forth, nothing-

    21. JR

      And then (screech) yeah.

    22. DS

      Mike Tyson, we were talking when you went to the bathroom, Mike Tyson says he smokes $40,000 a wheel-

    23. LG

      Yeah, but-

    24. DS

      ... a, a, a week?

    25. JR

      But he also sells weed, so he just charges it, himself, a lot of money.

    26. DS

      (laughs) He can buy his own supply?

    27. LG

      (laughs)

    28. JR

      There's no way you can smoke $40,000 worth of weed.

    29. LG

      (laughs)

    30. JR

      I mean, maybe like, his whole crew.

  2. 3:196:43

    Why Mike Tyson feels surreal: rise, fall, and unexpected reinvention

    1. JR

      All in. Dude, he was one of the most fascinating guys to interview, 'cause I couldn't believe I was really talking to him.

    2. DS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      It's like I can't believe that's really Mike Tyson. Like there's certain people, like you talk to them, like, "Th- that's really Mike Tyson?"

    4. LG

      Yeah.

    5. DS

      Just-

    6. JR

      This is crazy.

    7. DS

      Yeah.

    8. LG

      It doesn't make sense. It just doesn't compute.

    9. DS

      'Cause what he's been through in his life, yeah-

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. DS

      ... like and now he's here somehow.

    12. JR

      Knowing him as a kid when he was the fucking man, and you'd see him on the cover of these magazines, like Kid Dynamite when he was 19 years old on Sports Illustrated, and just smashing everyone in front of him. And then all of a sudden he's hanging with you.

    13. LG

      Yeah, it's very strange.

    14. DS

      (clears throat)

    15. JR

      And he's getting chill too.

    16. LG

      And it's also just as a, a fall from grace and then a, a, a resurgence.

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. DS

      Yeah.

    19. LG

      It's still a weird resurgence too.

    20. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    21. LG

      Like, nobody ever saw him becoming like, you know, a cartoon character and like-

    22. DS

      Yeah.

    23. LG

      ... a fucking Broadway actor-

    24. DS

      Yeah.

    25. LG

      ... in a one-man show, and now a weed rancher.

    26. DS

      (laughs)

    27. JR

      (laughs)

    28. LG

      That's bananas.

    29. DS

      (laughs)

    30. LG

      Man, who saw that? Nobody said that was gonna be Mike Tyson's trajectory.

  3. 6:4313:48

    Tattoo ownership, consent jokes, and disastrous early ink stories

    1. DS

      No. Also, fun fact, he is the reason, Mike Tyson, solely, is the reason why now if you're on TV for even five minutes, they start scurrying about your tattoos being covered or can you get a release for them all. Because when he came on, uh, was it The Hangover movie? The company that did, or the tattoo artist that did his face tattoos sued for like, and I think won, for like millions of dollars.

    2. JR

      What? That's so crazy.

    3. LG

      How is that possible? For doing the movie?

    4. DS

      Because they used the image.

    5. LG

      Because they used that person's artwork without them-

    6. DS

      But once you put a tattoo on somebody-

    7. LG

      Nope. It's your only, nope. Yeah.

    8. DS

      You claim part owner, you claim part ownership of that person now?

    9. LG

      Yep.

    10. BO

      It makes tattoos so much gayer.

    11. LG

      It does.

    12. (laughs)

    13. BO

      You can walk around with some fucking dudes.

    14. LG

      What up, guys?

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. DS

      Oh, yeah. This is when I, this is when I married an lesbian in Alaska.

    17. LG

      (laughs)

    18. (laughs)

    19. BO

      (laughs)

    20. DS

      Uh, this is when I became, I guess, uh, partners in life with a guy in Montreal who spoke French.

    21. BO

      Jay, how many tattoos do we have in common? We have the same...

    22. JR

      You guys have a bunch of tattoos in common?

    23. DS

      One, two, three. Three. Yeah, we have the Daves, yeah.

    24. BO

      Here we go again, side.

    25. JR

      What do, what do, what do you guys have?

    26. BO

      Here you go.

    27. DS

      Oh, we're doing that-

    28. JR

      Oh, you guys get... What do you... What's happening here? There's a lot of people that can't hear this.

    29. LG

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      So what are these things?

  4. 13:4819:32

    Henna hazards, body-art talent, and trippy face-paint illusion artists

    1. JR

      Well, that's another thing about henna (clears throat) , ladies, if you, uh, or guys who are into henna tattoos, if you get those henna tattoos, like, in Thailand or something like that, sometimes it's not really henna, it's hair dye. And the hair dye can be poisonous to your skin.

    2. LG

      Jesus.

    3. JR

      Like, it's not good stuff.

    4. LG

      Oh, and you didn't even die getting a real tattoo.

    5. JR

      Well, I don't know if you can die, but I think it fucks you up.

    6. LG

      Getting painted on with hair dye. (laughs)

    7. JR

      See, let's find out what, uh... I think there's a re-

    8. LG

      (clears throat) .

    9. JR

      There was, like, a warning about this that I read, where they're saying, "Don't, don't get henna from places that aren't using real henna," 'cause they, they use cheap hair dye or-

    10. LG

      They could've just stopped at, "Don't get henna."

    11. JR

      Yeah, you could've said that.

    12. LG

      So-

    13. JR

      That's a weird one, right? It's like, I want a tattoo, but not really.

    14. LG

      Yeah.

    15. DS

      It looks like a- it looks like a spray-on tan's wearing off.

    16. JR

      Yes. (laughs)

    17. LG

      (laughs)

    18. DS

      You know what I'm saying?

    19. LG

      It looks- it just looks disgusting.

    20. DS

      PPD is con- in it. Whatever, black henna often contains PPD at high levels and when applied to skin can cause chemical burns and allergic reactions. And I don't know what PPD is. I'm trying to find that.

    21. LG

      Chemical burns?

    22. JR

      Yeah, you gotta be careful out there, kids. Don't be pouring chemicals on you.

    23. LG

      (laughs)

    24. JR

      But apparently-

    25. LG

      Joe Rogan says, "Steer clear of henna."

    26. JR

      ... it's okay to just drill holes in your skin and pump some ink in there. It's apparently fine to do that.

    27. LG

      There had to be, like, uh, uh-

    28. JR

      (laughs)

    29. LG

      ... some errors made when they were coming up with, like, ta- like, the first tattoos, people's arms-

    30. JR

      Oh, my God. (laughs)

  5. 19:3228:44

    Hemorrhoids, Ari Shaffir’s “Predator mouth,” and medical oversharing

    1. BO

      I think his butthole... I think Ari's, uh-

    2. JR

      You've said so many times.

    3. BO

      I think he's in process of getting his butthole fixed.

    4. JR

      Is he gonna get surgery?

    5. BO

      Yeah, yeah.

    6. Oh, thank God.

    7. I think so, yeah.

    8. JR

      Is it the surg-

    9. BO

      He's been bleeding since I've known him.

    10. Yeah. It's bizarre that he just lives life like that.

    11. Yeah, it's-

    12. That would shut... That's a problem that would shut me off from going out to the world.

    13. JR

      Well, what, what causes those things, hemorrhoids? What causes hemorrhoids?

    14. BO

      We, we, uh-

    15. JR

      I got hemorrhoids working out 'cause I wasn't breathing when I was lifting weights.

    16. BO

      Jesus Christ.

    17. JR

      And I was just-

    18. BO

      (laughs)

    19. Just clenching.

    20. JR

      Just clenching my butthole and it just popped out, little fucking-

    21. BO

      Like squeezing a balloon animal? (laughs)

    22. Yeah. (laughs)

    23. JR

      You've made blisters inside your butthole from squeezing it together.

    24. BO

      And it sucks. For a while... Well, this actually won't... How we got introduced to Ari's butthole was, I was complaining about me having hemorrhoids. And on Legion of Skanks-

    25. (laughs)

    26. ... we opened up my butthole. They, they... To show them, I showed all the guys.

    27. Louis did it. We didn't all open up his butthole.

    28. Yeah. Yeah. And Ari said, "That's not a hemorrhoid." And we're like, "What?"

    29. (laughs)

    30. "That's a hemorrhoid."

  6. 28:4431:37

    Sober October madness: point systems, hours of cardio, and weight-loss strategies

    1. JR

      But how much time, how much time have you spent researching, like, different methods of losing weight? And how much, uh, you looked into intermittent fasting?

    2. BO

      Yeah, I've done inte- dude, I've done... I've been obsessed with it, dude.

    3. JR

      But do you do it? Do you do it?

    4. BO

      I wanna try that. But I never... I don't... But I still don't fully understand what it is.

    5. JR

      It's simple. You just have a small feeding window. Like, uh, for me, I, I like to fast... I f- I feel at my best when I'm fasting 14 hours. So what I'll do is, (smacks lips) you know, if I eat at 8:00 PM, then I eat at 10:00 AM the next day. It's not hard.

    6. BO

      Yeah.

    7. JR

      It's pretty easy.

    8. BO

      I was doing 12:00 PM to 7:00 PM I was eating. I could eat from 12:00 PM to 7:00 PM, um, but I wasn't really eating healthy things. What I was doing... Why, Louis? When I was doing the intermittent fasting-

    9. JR

      Why?

    10. BO

      ... I was eating shitty. What I'm better at is if I just cut out most of the carbs, only fruit and shit like that, but if I cut out all the carbs and the burgers and, and the fucking bread and the pasta and the rice, I can manage that because I can get creative. And if I'm in the mood for pizza, I can figure out a, you know, a, a low-carb version of pizza.

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. BO

      You know, cauliflower crust or whatever it is. Oh, gay.

    13. JR

      Yeah. (laughs)

    14. BO

      (laughs)

    15. JR

      You know what you should do, man?

    16. BO

      Shi- calm pizza. It's really delicious.

    17. JR

      Listen, do all those things, but also lift weights.

    18. BO

      Yeah, I have been. I just started again.

    19. JR

      Yeah.

    20. BO

      Like two weeks ago.

    21. JR

      That's, that's a big one. But lifting weights is huge. It burns a shit ton of calories. And more importantly, when your body has more muscle, then your body burns more calories. So you could eat the same amount of food and you lose weight.

    22. BO

      You could do all that or, Louis, I know you just fist fought a comedian.

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. BO

      "Bring, bring me..."

    25. JR

      When I say lose weight, you mean you'll lose body fat.

    26. BO

      Joe, you eat, like, tons of meat.

    27. JR

      I eat a lot of meat.

    28. DS

      Do you ever get-

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. DS

      ... have you gotten gout, uh, stuff, ever?

  7. 31:3737:46

    Plane delays, air-marshal hypotheticals, and airline chaos stories

    1. BO

      Dude, I lied. I was on a flight yesterday, and I lied. And, uh... Because we, we were on the runway for two and a half hours. (laughs) And I was just getting really impatient. I was like, "I'm fucking hungry." I- I mean (laughs) ... I made up that I was hyperglycemic, to get food. (laughs)

    2. JR

      (laughs)

    3. DS

      (laughs)

    4. BO

      I literally... Like, I b-... I buzzed the thing, and they wouldn't come. So eventually, I started just, like, waving like a madman. And Mike Finola, who's a friend of ours, a comic, he was a few rows up. That's how he knew I was on a plane, 'cause I was being a lunatic.

    5. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    6. BO

      And I was like, "We've been on here forever. I'm, I'm, I'm hyperglycemic. I need food right now." (laughs) And they had to, like, go get me orange juice. It was the most fucking embarrassing thing.

    7. DS

      (laughs) Shit, like, like, "Here, suck a lemon." (laughs)

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. BO

      Keep getting me things. (laughs)

    10. DS

      (sucks fingers)

    11. BO

      Dude, two and a half hours outta goddamn runway.

    12. DS

      When you're angry on a plane that's not going anywhere, it's... I'm blown away by the amount of rules. Like, what... I've been... W- we've been at the gate for, like, two hours before. I'm like, "Can I just go back into the airport?" And they're like, "No." Like, it doesn't make any sense that you can.

    13. BO

      Can you leave and not, like, take the flight? Could you be like, "I want... I'm off. I'm going-"

    14. DS

      Yes.

    15. JR

      I think you can, but it's a big deal.

    16. DS

      ... unless the door's closed.

    17. BO

      Yeah.

    18. JR

      But it's a big deal. If you wanna leave, that's a big deal.

    19. BO

      You're probably-

    20. DS

      But as a Puerto Rican, if you do leave, Luis, you have to twerk on your... I don't know if you watch those videos, when people leave planes. They go, "Fuck y'all."

    21. BO

      Oh, yeah.

    22. JR

      "Fuck."

    23. DS

      (laughs) They always twerk their way out.

    24. BO

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      You will get put on a list, for sure.

    26. BO

      If you leave-

    27. JR

      They will check up your asshole every time you fly on a plane.

    28. DS

      Well, Luis already has that problem because he's-

    29. BO

      Well, me and Luis ƒ going there.

    30. DS

      ... last time, me and Ken Flu-

  8. 37:4653:00

    Starbucks as homeless camps: policy blowback, LA tents, and modern street life

    1. JR

      Sort of like Starbucks. That's why homeless people are there all the time.

    2. LG

      Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    3. BO

      I hate it. Don't even get me fucking started, Joe.

    4. JR

      Starbucks, they're American homeless camps.

    5. LG

      American Airlines says officially, "Thank God that guy wasn't black." (laughing)

    6. BO

      I fucking ... I, I live in Harlem and the Starbucks in Harlem, I mean, it looks like a bus depot. It's crazy. It's just lines of people just sitting there, charging their cell phones, not ordering anything.

    7. LG

      Well, it's because they ha- Their new policy is everyone who walks in's a customer, right? So-

    8. BO

      Yeah, they're a customer as soon as they walk in the door.

    9. JR

      This is what's hilarious. The fucking ... All ... It happened because of one bad PR thing.

    10. BO

      Philly.

    11. LG

      Yep, yep.

    12. JR

      In Philly, when these two black dudes were just trying to sit down and chill out at, at Starbucks and someone decided to remove them from the premises.

    13. BO

      Yeah, but look-

    14. LG

      Now it's like a Balmoral.

    15. JR

      If you weren't there, you don't know. Ah.

    16. BO

      I'm just saying I'm with Dave.

    17. JR

      I don't know what anyone's ... I'm just being-

    18. BO

      I'm with Dave on this.

    19. JR

      I'm not getting debate.

    20. LG

      Here's what happened.

    21. JR

      I know that you have opinions on this.

    22. LG

      Look, look. (laughing)

    23. JR

      All I'm saying is-

    24. BO

      The, the libertarian perspective is-

    25. LG

      They might have been dicks. Starbucks might have been dicks. But what I know is, they, they asked them to leave, they called the cops. The cops weren't going to arrest them. The cops told them, "You have to leave." And they still refused to leave. And the cops were like ...

    26. BO

      And also, those guys-

    27. LG

      And then they didn't ... Then they let them go. They literally just cuffed them, took them to the station, and then were like, "Go." They didn't charge them with anything.

    28. BO

      Those guys also, they also tried to order Four Loko, so ...

    29. JR

      Wah, wah, wah.

    30. BO

      They were out. They-

  9. 53:001:04:54

    Woke capitalism, boycotts, and the tribal politics trap around Trump

    1. JR

      So, uh, I saw the thing where Milo said you guys cucked out on the show the first time you were on here.

    2. DS

      (laughs)

    3. BO

      That's why we're going hard on New Balances this time.

    4. JR

      Silly.

    5. DS

      It was worth it to have Ahrii.

    6. JR

      Silly.

    7. DS

      When Ahrii said, "Fuck you," to all three of us was the hardest I laughed in that 70 minutes.

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. BO

      Yeah.

    10. DS

      He goes, "Fuck you."

    11. JR

      And Ahrii is a fucking national treasure.

    12. BO

      He really is.

    13. JR

      He's a national treasure.

    14. BO

      Dude, Ahrii has gang fest, dude. So they d- uh, Rich Vos and Bonnie McFarlane do a show where they, they ... It's called Would You Bang Him? And they have like four or five female comedians on stage. And then a male comedian comes out and does a set. And at the end of it, the girls have to decide whether or not they would fuck him based off of, you know, a multitude of things and the set, right? So Ahrii does his-

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. BO

      ... he just gets naked. So like literally take his clothes off. He's like, "Oh, I'm doing it." And then he starts chasing the female Korean comedians around the stage with his dick and trying to hit them.

    17. JR

      Hold on, hold on. Listen, listen. Before you say anything more, be- just be aware that other people are going to listen to this-

    18. DS

      (laughs) Yeah. Wait, and Ahrii's gonna admit it?

    19. JR

      ... and Ahrii is gonna admit it.

    20. DS

      He's like, "Got it." Then he held her down against her will for 10 minutes.

    21. BO

      (laughs) Thanks. Thanks for the heads-up, Joe. Then-

    22. JR

      (laughs)

    23. BO

      No, this is a ... This is on camera. This is not a made-up thing.

    24. JR

      No, it was all-

    25. DS

      Yeah.

    26. JR

      ... it was all part of the theatrical performance. So this was-

    27. BO

      (laughs)

    28. JR

      ... it was planned and agreed to and consented in advance.

    29. DS

      Oh, right. Yeah.

    30. BO

      Cabaret.

Episode duration: 2:49:45

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