Joe Rogan Experience #1357 - Ari Shaffir

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Mm, Ari Shaffir, we're…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Mm, Ari Shaffir, we're here.

   2. ASAri Shaffir0:03

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      It's Sober October.

   4. ASAri Shaffir0:04

      Bleh.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:05

      Hey, are we allowed to smoke cigars or no?

   6. ASAri Shaffir0:07

      Yeah, we're allowed to smoke cigars.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Let's smoke a cigar. Let's fucking bend the rules a little.

   8. ASAri Shaffir0:11

      I have three in my trunk.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      I have two right here.

   10. ASAri Shaffir0:13

       Oh, yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:14

       Yeah.

   12. ASAri Shaffir0:14

       I mean...

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:15

       These are good. I was, uh, smoking cigars with Burr on the show. People are gonna be mad at us.

   14. ASAri Shaffir0:19

       Why?

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:19

       "This is tobacco. You're using tobacco products. You're totally cheating."

   16. ASAri Shaffir0:23

       Well, they can suck my cheese.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:25

       Hmm. Um, they can or it can?

   18. ASAri Shaffir0:28

       They can suck my cheese-

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       Oh, okay. Sucking cheese.

   20. ASAri Shaffir0:30

       ... with their fucking stupid rules. It's already hard enough.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       Okay. Cheese.

   22. ASAri Shaffir0:34

       Do you remember one time-

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       (laughs)

   24. ASAri Shaffir0:34

       ... you weren't, you weren't masturbating for a month?

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Yeah, true.

   26. ASAri Shaffir0:37

       You remember that?

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Yeah.

   28. ASAri Shaffir0:38

       And all those people were like, "Yeah, but you're having sex. Don't do it with sex." And you're like, "Dude, I'm not playing your game. I'm doing a thing for myself."

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Yeah. Doing my game. Yeah.

   30. ASAri Shaffir0:47

       (laughs) Everybody wants rules. I start working out. "Oh, what are you doing?" "Oh, just bench." "No, dude, you gotta do legs, or you're not doing anything." (laughs) You're like, "Can you give me two times?"
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Oh. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      lane-

   2. ASAri Shaffir15:00

      Oh.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      ... and crash into my car and kill me.

   4. ASAri Shaffir15:02

      Oh. Real slippery.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      Yeah. I kept thinking like, "Be really careful." But then I realized that what that is is, like, my ego trying to protect me by making me aware of imminent threats and trying to reestablish its position as, uh, in the, the chain of, uh, command. Because, uh, like, the ... One of the things about really extreme psychedelic experiences, that they dissolve the ego to the point where you realize, like, you don't really matter. Like, you're a part of some crazy system, and the only reason why you think you really matter is 'cause your biology wants to stay alive because there's these inherent, existential threats to your existence that have always existed throughout time. And r- you know, ultimately, though, it doesn't matter 'cause you're just gonna live and die and probably live again-

   6. ASAri Shaffir15:47

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:47

      ... and die again. And it's just like this never-ending cycle.

   8. ASAri Shaffir15:50

      Your hair is a speck.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:50

      Yeah. And you're a part of some infinite thing.

   10. ASAri Shaffir15:51

       One of those guys that any time you're, like, fighting it, like, you're just like, "Agh."

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:54

       Mm-hmm.

   12. ASAri Shaffir15:54

       It, it just means you haven't taken it enough.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:56

       Hmm.

   14. ASAri Shaffir15:56

       I think that was, like, Terrence McKenna or one of those guys. Where it's like, you just have to take more, and then you can't fight it-

   15. JRJoe Rogan16:01

       Right. Right. Right.

   16. ASAri Shaffir16:01

       ... and then you're, you're just gone. You know?

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       Mm.

   18. ASAri Shaffir16:04

       Um-

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:05

       Yeah, but I was fucked up for a while.

   20. ASAri Shaffir16:07

       Really?

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:07

       But I, but I was functional. I was ... But I was real nervous and weirded out by things.

   22. ASAri Shaffir16:11

       How long? For how long?

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:12

       Weeks. Maybe months.

   24. ASAri Shaffir16:14

       Why'd you do it three times in a day? Were you trying to do that on purpose, or were you just, like, bored?

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:16

       I did it ... The first time, it was light. I went in, but I didn't go in too deep.

   26. ASAri Shaffir16:20

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       But I re- ... I saw the visuals, and I laid there, and I s- ... I was like ... I got to the door, and I could see through the windows of the house, but I didn't go inside. The second time, it just, like, opened up a fucking vortex and sucked me through to the center of the universe. And then, uh, it was really, really, really intense, and then I did it again after that. It's 'cause I loved it-

   28. ASAri Shaffir16:39

       Wow.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:39

       ... 'cause it was so awesome, I wanted to do it one more time.

   30. ASAri Shaffir16:42

       I gotta do it more.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   And he denied her…

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      And he denied her that dick after a while. He's like, "No more dick for you."

   2. ASAri Shaffir30:03

      Yeah, I think it's a great time to be a stand-up. I really do think it's dangerous again.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:07

      Yeah.

   4. ASAri Shaffir30:07

      And people are like... It's like you hear something. When you are one of those people who just go to shows, you hear something and you're just like... As an audience member you're just like, "Whoa."

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:15

      Also, the woke outrage has totally worn off and has the opposite effect. Like with Dave Chappelle, like, you know, you can just skip Dave Chappelle's new special. Oh, must be awesome.

   6. ASAri Shaffir30:24

      Oh, I love the res- about the internet all coming together just to respond to those people who go, "It's cool. Watch... Who should I check out? Those people? Thanks."

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:29

      Yeah, exactly.

   8. ASAri Shaffir30:30

      Yeah, thanks. And then it's just like ignoring it.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:31

      Well, they did it with Bill Burr too.

   10. ASAri Shaffir30:33

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       You know, but, but Chappelle's special, you know the whole thing with Rotten Tomatoes, they only allowed five different woke reviewers to take care to-

   12. ASAri Shaffir30:41

       To get at it.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Yeah.

   14. ASAri Shaffir30:42

       Uh-huh.

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       And they gave it a 0%. And then they released it to the public.

   16. ASAri Shaffir30:46

       (laughs) And we all loved it.

   17. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       'Cause everybody was mad, like what the fuck is this?

   18. ASAri Shaffir30:48

       Your job is to tell us what we like and you failed at that job.

   19. JRJoe Rogan30:51

       Well, their job...... is to review things and their ideology that they're forced to exist in is woke ideology. Anyone who's worry- working as a journalist, like, there's really-

   20. ASAri Shaffir31:04

       It's the same thing that Christians did when they used to review stuff for, like, Christian f- content. Remember that?

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:08

       Oh, yeah.

   22. ASAri Shaffir31:08

       When they would rate it based on how many kissing scenes are there, how many s- curses are there.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:13

       Yeah.

   24. ASAri Shaffir31:13

       But, like, you don't take, you don't have to see those reviews. Those are, like, a separate people's reviews.

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:18

       Well, somebody wrote something about it that I actually retweeted today. See if you can find it, about the, the connection between theology, the, the, the, uh, resemblances between woke ideology and theology. They're, they're so similar.

   26. ASAri Shaffir31:31

       The same.

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:32

       It's 'cause, yeah, it's, it's about compliance. It's-

   28. ASAri Shaffir31:34

       We want you doing it our way!

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:36

       Yes, our way, our way. Put your hat on.

   30. ASAri Shaffir31:38

       You know who-
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   A lot of them…

   1. ASAri Shaffir45:00

      seem real.

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      A lot of them are not real.

   3. ASAri Shaffir45:01

      And the comics who take the wrong side, I'm like, I don't think you really care. If I showed somebody, whatever that first one was for that, for the, for that guy, Shane, that funny comic.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:09

      Mm-hmm.

   5. ASAri Shaffir45:09

      If I showed it to the back table at Cell, be like, "What do you think of this?" To one of those woke comics who said, or people who were like, "I think it's too far." If I show them that video, if they, they really didn't like it, they would go like this. They would go, they'd look at it and they would go, "That's dumb." And that'd be the end of it.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:24

      Right.

   7. ASAri Shaffir45:24

      That would be it.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:26

      But they have an opportunity to-

   9. ASAri Shaffir45:28

      They feel like you gotta say something.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       ... sort of put that flag up and let everybody know that they're on the team that deserves virtue.

   11. ASAri Shaffir45:34

       You know, I think the guy's taken enough abuse. At some point, you gotta see the damage this internet shit does to people, and it's like, you're gonna pile on ... It's covered. He's been-

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       It's, it is hard.

   13. ASAri Shaffir45:44

       ... punished hard.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:46

       I like recognizing who's gonna always fold.

   15. ASAri Shaffir45:49

       SNL will fold.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:51

       Yeah, well, that, all comics too.

   17. ASAri Shaffir45:52

       Oh, yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       SNL is an organization with a bunch of advertisers, and apparently, that was the big deal. They had to cave to the advertisers.

   19. ASAri Shaffir45:58

       But my thing is this, can't the networks just call each other, Netflix and FX and CBS and, and Hulu and Amazon, and all call each other. Just have a meeting, the people who run it, and say, "We gotta release a statement, and the statement should go, 'No matter what somebody said in the past, we feel like for starting from here on in, we don't even know what the rage is gonna be about. We feel like we shouldn't be responsible to be judges and juries on that.'"

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:23

       Mm-hmm.

   21. ASAri Shaffir46:23

       "We feel like we've gotten it wrong too many times, and if you guys don't wanna watch, that's up to you, but you gotta take it up with the performer, the artist, whatever." And if they all just released that statement together, people just wouldn't go to them.

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:34

       They're never gonna do that, though.

   23. ASAri Shaffir46:35

       Why? Then they could just be like-

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:36

       Because-

   25. ASAri Shaffir46:36

       ... "It ain't us, you guys."

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:37

       'Cause advertisers-

   27. ASAri Shaffir46:38

       "You gotta take it up to the comic."

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:40

       Advertisers will use it as an opportunity for them to mer- virtue signal and get more people to buy their product. They'll say, "We do not support this idea that hate speech is something to be casually dismissed."

   29. ASAri Shaffir46:50

       But they won't, because they're saying it's not even about anything in particular. It's about, we're not getting involved in this.

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:55

       Mm-hmm.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:01:37

   Oh, we could have,…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      But, but whites hate you.

   2. ASAri Shaffir1:00:00

      Oh, we could have, we c- (laughs) We could just be the guys who wear the suits and, right outside the ring.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      But white supremacists hate the Jews.

   4. ASAri Shaffir1:00:07

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:07

      That's one of the things they always get mad at.

   6. ASAri Shaffir1:00:08

      They really do.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:09

      When someone goes crazy, they always hit the ... Yeah, Wanderlei s- Wanderlei Silva versus Chael Sonnen. Yeah. That's right.

   8. ASAri Shaffir1:00:15

      Wow.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:15

      Yeah.

   10. ASAri Shaffir1:00:15

       No, I want full race. This is a good start, for sure.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       But, but hold on.

   12. ASAri Shaffir1:00:19

       What?

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

       Hold on. Put that back up, Jamie.

   14. GUGuest1:00:20

       Yep, yep.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:20

       G- M- L- Make that so I can read the whole thing. Make it a little smaller. There you go.

   16. ASAri Shaffir1:00:24

       Make it, make it so it's that.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:26

       Yeah, the coaches, I think he might've coached team, yeah, I don't know about that. That, see, that's just Wanderlei versus Chael. I don't know if it's specifically Brazilians versus-

   18. ASAri Shaffir1:00:38

       Oh, right.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       ... Americans. Maybe I'm wrong. But-

   20. ASAri Shaffir1:00:41

       You could do it, all the fighters will sign up for it. They know it's a joke.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       I think it should be-

   22. ASAri Shaffir1:00:46

       We're more at odds with each other than ever. Why not capitalize on that?

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:49

       I think it should be white racists versus angry Black guys.

   24. ASAri Shaffir1:00:54

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:55

       That would be fun.

   26. ASAri Shaffir1:00:55

       Yeah. You could have Cowboy Cerrone (laughs) as the coaching wise, but-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

       What does he think?

   28. ASAri Shaffir1:00:59

       I don't know.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:00:59

       No.

   30. ASAri Shaffir1:01:00

       I would assume he's a cowboy.

Episode duration: 1:41:08