Joe Rogan Experience #1362 - Lenny Clarke

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (singing) Lenny Clarke! …

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (singing) Lenny Clarke!

   2. LCLenny Clarke0:03

      That's right.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      How are you, brother?

   4. LCLenny Clarke0:04

      Now, y- Joe, I got to tell you. Let me start by saying thank you.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:07

      My pleasure.

   6. LCLenny Clarke0:08

      I, I, I can't believe the amount of people that stopped me since I did your podcast. Because you asked me a couple of years ago. I didn't even know what a podcast was. So I did that from the moment I left here, I went down to Venice Beach, guys were watching the podcast in their car.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:23

      (laughs)

   8. LCLenny Clarke0:23

      They came out, "Yeah," so I, so then everywhere I go from captains of industry to the homeless guy the other day at Harvard Square. He goes, "Lenny Clarke! I saw you on the Rogan podcast. You were awesome!" And I'm going, "Yo-"

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:32

      Homeless guys have phones now.

   10. LCLenny Clarke0:34

       ... a home- a homeless guy and I'm going, "How did you see it?" He goes, "Oh, I seen it. Seen it on the YouTube." And I'm going- (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       (laughs)

   12. LCLenny Clarke0:39

       ... yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       That's how you know the progress of technology. Homeless guys have phones and they watch YouTube.

   14. LCLenny Clarke0:43

       Oh, oh, oh, so I'm doing Matty Ziegler, he's trying to rush me out of the studio the other day. And I said, "Well, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm not gonna mention you on Rogan." He goes, "Oh my God!" He goes, "You, you talked about me on Rogan. Everyone called in." He was all excited, so he said to say hello.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:54

       Hello, Matty Ziegler.

   16. LCLenny Clarke0:55

       He said, he said-

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       Matty in the Morning on, in, in Boston.

   18. LCLenny Clarke0:57

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:58

       He, ever since back in the day when I was, uh, delivering newspapers, Matty in the Morning was on the radio.

   20. LCLenny Clarke1:03

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       I used to listen to him on the radio when I was on my paper route. Him and Charles Laquidara.

   22. LCLenny Clarke1:07

       Oh!

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       The, the mattress, Morning Mattress.

   24. LCLenny Clarke1:09

       The Morning Mattress, yeah, yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:11

       (laughs)

   26. LCLenny Clarke1:11

       And then, and then Mark Parenteau.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:12

       Yeah.

   28. LCLenny Clarke1:12

       Who, who-

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:13

       Did Mark pass away?

   30. LCLenny Clarke1:14

       Yes, he did, and I went to see him a week before. He was at the Mass General and I went up to him and he, you know, I had him laughing. And then I said, "Do you have the AIDS?" He goes, "No." So I said, "I'll kiss you goodbye." (laughs)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah, yeah, yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      the greatest bits of all time-

   2. LCLenny Clarke15:01

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      ... because he stuck with it-

   4. LCLenny Clarke15:02

      Right.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:02

      ... and he figured it out, and he worked at it. But, you know, he's a craftsman.

   6. LCLenny Clarke15:06

      Yeah, yeah, he is. Yeah, yes, he is. Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:06

      You know, he's a guy that will go over his material, and he'll run it by other comics-

   8. LCLenny Clarke15:12

      Right.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:12

      ... and, and w- they'll work on it.

   10. LCLenny Clarke15:14

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:14

       I mean, that's one of the greatest bits of all time.

   12. LCLenny Clarke15:17

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:17

       And it, it, he stuck through it because he just knew there was something there.

   14. LCLenny Clarke15:21

       Right.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:21

       I mean, there's those too. It's like, it's hard. It's hard to t- I knew that the Second Coming project was never gonna be one of those, though.

   16. LCLenny Clarke15:27

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:28

       It was just too fucked up. It was just too fucked up. But I remember I did it one time at The Comedy Store and some lady goes, "Next subject!"

   18. LCLenny Clarke15:35

       Oh my God.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       She, she yelled out. (laughs)

   20. LCLenny Clarke15:37

       Oh, God.

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       She was screaming at me.

   22. LCLenny Clarke15:42

       I hate you.

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:43

       She was screaming at me, "Next subject!"

   24. LCLenny Clarke15:45

       Oh.

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       I'll never forget that lady, and I, I started laughing when she said it, wh- which was even worse.

   26. LCLenny Clarke15:50

       Uh, I got, I got an old lady story.

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:51

       (laughs)

   28. LCLenny Clarke15:51

       But we lived at The Barracks. There was 14 comedians living in that place in Harvard Square. I don't know if you ever came by-

   29. JRJoe Rogan15:56

       No, where was The Barracks?

   30. LCLenny Clarke15:57

       ... 'cause that was pretty hot back then. The Barracks was an apartment that M- Mike and I had, and we opened it-
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) …

   1. LCLenny Clarke30:00

      we get a- we get a big bag of blow. And w- we get on-

   2. NANarrator30:02

      (laughs)

   3. LCLenny Clarke30:02

      ... we get at Logan and (laughs) we're doing blow all night. And he goes, "Here, hold this," and so I- I- I- we land and Gav goes, "Where's the blow?" And I go, "I did it." He goes, "You did it all?" I go, "Yeah, I don't want to get busted going through customs." He goes, "Lenny, Puerto Rico's America you idiot! You did-" (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:18

      (laughs)

   5. NANarrator30:18

      (laughs)

   6. LCLenny Clarke30:18

      So now, we check- we check into a hotel and we're sign- and I keep saying, I turn to Gav, "What's my name again? What's my-" (laughs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:27

      (laughs)

   8. NANarrator30:27

      (laughs)

   9. LCLenny Clarke30:27

      So we're down here for the weekend. It's unbelievable. He goes, "Just don't draw attention to us." And now I'm all f- I'm str-

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       Why don't draw attention? Why?

   11. LCLenny Clarke30:35

       Because we're on a phony credit card!

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:37

       (laughs)

   13. NANarrator30:37

       (laughs)

   14. LCLenny Clarke30:37

       Right? And then- and then pe- and then d- so I'm- I'm throwing-

   15. JRJoe Rogan30:41

       (laughs)

   16. LCLenny Clarke30:41

       ... I'm throwing chairs into the pool. He goes, "That's right! Don't attract attention!" So we go to the dinner. We go to the most famous restaurant down there and we get the chateaubriand for two. I've al- I always wanted it. I didn't even know what it was, but they come out and they cook it at the table. And I'm shit-faced going, "Hey, everybody! You're probably wondering, 'Who's getting that dish?' That'd be me, right?" And Gav's going, "That's it. Don't draw any attention." That's it. He goes-

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:02

       (laughs)

   18. LCLenny Clarke31:02

       ... "I'm Major D- I'll be your captain today." I go, "Here's 50 bucks. Make yourself a general." (laughs) And Gav's going, "No, no, don't do that."

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:09

       (laughs)

   20. LCLenny Clarke31:09

       And I said, "Gav, I want to get you this $800 bottle of wine." He goes, "No, no, no. That's drawing attention. Why don't we get two three bottle- $300 bottles of wine?" I go, "Ah, you're so smart, right?" So anyway-

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:20

       (laughs)

   22. NANarrator31:20

       (laughs)

   23. LCLenny Clarke31:20

       ... we get to the room and he puts up with me. He's lose- so he loses a bunch gambling, right? And I don't have any money. (laughs) I'm throwing my money away on tips. I'm a big tipper and I went down. So he goes, "I got bad news." He goes, "Well, (clears throat) they shut off the credit cards." I go, "What?" He goes, "Yeah, there's no way for us to get back." And I go, "Oh. Well, why don't you take what money you've got left and go down and try to win some and send me back to Boston. Then I'll wire you money 'cause you know I'm good for all the money back then we need." He goes, "Why should I send you?" And I go, "'Cause you're- you're like the second greatest con man that ever lived." He goes, "Who's the first?" I said, "Jim Rockford." He goes, "Jim Rockford? (laughs) He's not even a real person!"

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:58

       The Rockford Files? (laughs)

   25. LCLenny Clarke32:00

       From The Rockford Files! He's not even a real person!

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:02

       (laughs)

   27. LCLenny Clarke32:02

       So Gav goes, "Stay here." So I barricade myself in the room. There was a big computer that made drinks. This was th- it was the Caribbean Hilton, I think. Yeah. Yeah, it was the Caribbe- and you could push buttons and it would make all different drinks. I drank that empty, right? Right.

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:15

       (laughs)

   29. LCLenny Clarke32:15

       I had to push that against the door. Gav goes, "Let me in as management." I got us two tickets. I go, "Yay!" I finally fell asleep 'cause I was a nervous wreck. So we fly out and Gav goes-

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:24

       So he got money gambling and got-
4. 45:00 – 57:13

   Right? Right? It's, mm-…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      me too.

   2. LCLenny Clarke45:00

      Right? Right? It's, mm-

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      Keep the demons away.

   4. LCLenny Clarke45:02

      Ab- oh, fight those demons.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:03

      Yeah, yeah.

   6. LCLenny Clarke45:04

      Get those-

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:04

      Fight 'em, get 'em out.

   8. LCLenny Clarke45:04

      ... kill those demons, yes.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:05

      Take 'em out running.

   10. LCLenny Clarke45:07

       (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:07

       Yeah, I beat the shit out of the bag.

   12. LCLenny Clarke45:08

       Ab- absolutely.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:08

       I'm, I'm trying to kill the demons.

   14. LCLenny Clarke45:10

       Yes!

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:10

       Yeah.

   16. LCLenny Clarke45:11

       Yes. But, but you eat right too.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:12

       Yes.

   18. LCLenny Clarke45:13

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:13

       Yeah.

   20. LCLenny Clarke45:13

       You've got to, you know?

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:14

       Yeah. Sugar is the number one thing. Get the fuck, get, get that shit the fuck out of your life.

   22. LCLenny Clarke45:18

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:18

       Get that, get rid of sugar. I mean, it c- you know, have a cookie occasionally.

   24. LCLenny Clarke45:21

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:22

       Nothing wrong with that. But the people that have sugar every day, they drink sodas-

   26. LCLenny Clarke45:24

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan45:25

       ... and they drink sodas and eat candy bars, you're killing yourself.

   28. LCLenny Clarke45:28

       Eh, y- you know, I-

   29. JRJoe Rogan45:29

       Slowly but surely.

   30. LCLenny Clarke45:29

       I got off the desserts by going to the Mad Russian. You ever hear of this guy?

Episode duration: 1:51:14