Joe Rogan Experience #1378 - Greg Fitzsimmons

1. 0:00 – 2:29

   Sober October aftermath: cigars, relapse fears, and why Greg quit drinking

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Three, two, one. Gregory!

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:05

      Joseph!

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Sober October's over, but, uh, we could-- we were allowed to smoke cigars during Sober October for whatever reason. But they do get you high.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:14

      They do give you a nice little buzz.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:16

      They do.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:16

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      It's- it's weird that that's, like, thought of as being a sobriety thing. Like that, you ain't sober.

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:22

      Is it really?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:23

      I mean, if you're smoking. People smoke cigarettes when they're sober.

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:26

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:27

       All those, um, fucking AA guys, remember, right? Those guys were always-- these guys were always-

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:33

       Those guys will tell you-

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       ... smoking.

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:35

       ... you can't have a non-alcoholic beer, which I do. I have a non-alco- I even had a drink. It'll be 30 years next month that I haven't had a drink.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Didn't you have like one or two when Meany died?

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:47

       When Meany died, I had some scotch.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       That's a weird one, right?

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons0:51

       I had like, I didn't get drunk, but I had like a few shots.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:56

       Did you, like, feel weird about that? I mean, all those years.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:01

       I think I felt so weird about him being dead that the whole thing felt surreal anyway. And, um, I haven't really, haven't had the desire- I can't say I had, can't have the desire. It's more of just, like, you- you- you feel like there's times where you wanna just do what everybody else is doing and just chill out. And you see everybody getting more mellow and relaxed and social.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:25

       Right.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:25

       And, uh, especially if I'm in a situation where , you know, it's a bunch of people I don't know that well, maybe it's your kids' friends' parent kinda situation.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:35

       Mm-hmm. Nice glass of wine to take the edge off.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:38

       (sighs) Dude.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:38

       Dude. But you did the- the couple glasses of scotch and then you didn't go right back to it.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:44

       Right.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:44

       Like you became a 21-year-old drunk Greg again.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:48

       Right. Well, a lot of it has to do with my father. And he was an alcoholic and I saw, I saw his depression. I have the same depression as he does and I felt, I felt like when I drank, it wasn't always for fun. It was a lot of times it was like dealing with feelings and bullshit like that.

   29. JRJoe Rogan2:11

       Oh.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:12

       And so, I saw him as an unhappy guy who was unfulfilled in a lot of ways, and I saw the alcohol was a big part of why his life wasn't what it, what it could've been.
2. 2:29 – 5:02

   Comedy performance rituals and the urge to change consciousness

   1. JRJoe Rogan2:29

      No, why fuck with it? I tell you what, man. I just got done with a whole month of being sober, and then I had my first drinks this weekend. I felt like shit.

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:39

      No kidding.

   3. JRJoe Rogan2:40

      Felt like shit.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:41

      Really?

   5. JRJoe Rogan2:41

      Yeah, I had a couple of glasses of wine, went to play pool and, uh, I was having a hard time focusing on the ball. I was, like, looking at the ball, I was like, "Ball? Three glasses of wine?"

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:50

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan2:50

      "That's all it takes? Three glasses of wine, I'm having a hard time seeing."

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:54

      Right.

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:54

      It took like, 'cause everything's like, oh, just a little off.

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons2:57

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:57

       It took, like, uh, an hour for my liver processed it enough where I could play pool well again.

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:03

       Do you think you just lost your, um, your, uh-

   13. JRJoe Rogan3:08

       Tolerance?

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:08

       ... tolerance?

   15. JRJoe Rogan3:09

       Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I never, I've never been a big drinker anyway. But it was interesting doing sets. That's what's always interesting. 'Cause I like a shot before I go on stage. I always like to do a shot of Jack-

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:20

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan3:20

       ... before I go on stage, just whoa.

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:22

       That's the standard for you?

   19. JRJoe Rogan3:23

       Just a little bit of whiskey. Yeah, a little bit of whiskey-

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:24

       Wow.

   21. JRJoe Rogan3:25

       ... before a big show, just one shot.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:26

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan3:26

       Bang!

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:27

       Yeah. Brian Regan, one shot of- of, uh, frozen peppermint schnapps-

   25. JRJoe Rogan3:30

       Yeah.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:30

       ... before he goes out.

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:31

       Yeah, because-

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:32

       Or a peach schnapps.

   29. JRJoe Rogan3:32

       It gives you, like, this fucking yeah!

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons3:35

       Yeah.
3. 5:02 – 8:35

   Weed as a creative accelerant: Joe’s writing process and idea mining

   1. JRJoe Rogan5:02

      That's a good way of looking at it. The one- one thing that I found that affects my writing, marijuana's like steroids for writing. Oh my goodness.

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:10

      Really? For you.

   3. JRJoe Rogan5:11

      Oh my- oh my goodness.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:12

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan5:13

      Yeah! Just dude, this weekend, soon as I started getting high again, I'm- I've fucking, my notebook's full.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:18

      No shit!

   7. JRJoe Rogan5:19

      All these crazy ideas. Yeah, man. Half of them are dog shit for sure.

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:22

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan5:23

      Half of them, at least half of them are dog shit.

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:24

       Half would be you're doing pretty well.

   11. JRJoe Rogan5:26

       Yeah. It's pretty good, right?

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:27

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan5:27

       But I got a few that I'm like, "Ooh, there's something in this. There's something in this one. Definitely something in this one." They-

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:32

       So does it, like, after the show you get high and then you write or you w- or you do it during the day?

   15. JRJoe Rogan5:37

       Well, I didn't do any shows this weekend 'cause I was in New York for the UFC and, uh, I had some, uh, friends that I was gonna s- see while I was down there, my friend Tommy. So I was playing pool with him.

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons5:46

       Uh-huh.

   17. JRJoe Rogan5:47

       And, uh, Hinchcliff came with me too, he plays pool too. But I just decided not to do comedy this weekend. I'm like, "I'm here for the UFC." I only get a chance to see Tommy, uh, he's like one of my good friends from fucking 20...... five years ago? More? 28 years ago, maybe?

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:06

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:06

       I might know him for almost 30 years.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:08

       Wow.

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:08

       I've known him for fucking ever, you know? We've become old men together.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:11

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:11

       But, uh, you know, we'd get together and play pool until, like, two o'clock in the morning. I haven't had a chance to do that forever.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:17

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan6:17

       And I only really get a chance to do it once a year when I see him.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:19

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JRJoe Rogan6:20

       So I decided not to do any shows. But, uh, just while we were playing, I was just getting all these ideas. Generally, I like writing at night when everyone's asleep. That's my favorite time to write. I like to come home from the store and I sit around with the laptop and I just start writing.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:37

       Mm-hmm.

   29. JRJoe Rogan6:37

       Just force myself to just write for an hour or so.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons6:40

       Hmm.
4. 8:35 – 12:13

   Metal detectors and hidden history: treasure hoards, shipwrecks, and museums

   1. JRJoe Rogan8:35

      Some guy just found some fucking incredible, uh, ancient treasure using a metal detector.

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:44

      Really?

   3. JRJoe Rogan8:44

      Yeah. See if you can, j- find, see if you can find that, Jamie. See if you can...

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:47

      On a beach?

   5. JRJoe Rogan8:48

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna say, oh fuck, what era was it from?

   6. NANarrator8:54

      Oh, shit. That's like a-

   7. JRJoe Rogan8:55

      No, no, that was a different one. That was a- that was a guy-

   8. NANarrator8:57

      Oh, okay.

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons8:57

      Oh, fuck.

   10. JRJoe Rogan8:57

       Yeah, that was a crazy one, too. A guy found a fucking shipwreck that was on the beach that was exposed by a crazy storm. Like, a storm came along and it pulled away so much of the sand that a fucking shipwreck was there.

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:09

       Damn.

   12. JRJoe Rogan9:10

       And so this guy's there walking his dog and he's like, "Um, what-"

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:13

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan9:13

       "... the fuck is this? This is a boat."

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:16

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan9:17

       Yeah. That's crazy. Oh, here it is. It's, uh, what is that, three million pounds?

   17. NANarrator9:22

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JRJoe Rogan9:22

       Is that pounds?

   19. NANarrator9:22

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JRJoe Rogan9:24

       Um, war hoard of 6,000 gold artifacts from 650 AD uncovered in Staffordshire field using, uh, a two dollar metal d- uh, two-pound metal detector. A metal detector for two dollars.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:38

       Wow.

   22. JRJoe Rogan9:39

       Is that pounds or euros? What is that one?

   23. NANarrator9:41

       Uh, it's pounds, yeah.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:41

       I think that's British pounds.

   25. JRJoe Rogan9:43

       So from 650 AD, so 650 years after Jesus' murdered.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons9:48

       Shit.

   27. JRJoe Rogan9:49

       Look at that shit. Look how gorgeous that is. It's still got the fur on the top. We're looking at a gold helmet, this really intricate, carved gold helmet with a- a fucking, like a Mohawk, a fur Mohawk. That's amazing.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:02

       And look at the detail. It wasn't corroded at all in that salt water all those years.

   29. JRJoe Rogan10:06

       Yeah, that's pretty amazing. Where is Staffordshire? Was it in, it said it was in a field.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons10:11

       Hmm.
5. 12:13 – 20:19

   Game of Thrones endings and TV realities: finales, slots, and streaming shifts

   1. JRJoe Rogan12:13

      Wouldn't, wouldn't you love to hear people talk back then?

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:14

      Yeah, right.

   3. JRJoe Rogan12:15

      Like, it probably was so confusing. Like, Game of Thrones, they talk like us, but they didn't talk like us.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:21

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan12:21

      They had some weird lingo back... Well, Game of Thrones is obviously fake.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:25

      Right.

   7. JRJoe Rogan12:25

      But it was supposed to be a long time ago, right?

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:27

      Yeah, and I'm sure they researched... I mean, everything about that show was so authentic. I'm sure they went back and tried to find the way people spoke at that time-

   9. JRJoe Rogan12:34

      Well, not really though-

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:34

       ... and replicate it.

   11. JRJoe Rogan12:35

       ... 'cause it's not really about a time. It's about a fantasy land.

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:38

       Well, it was... I think it was the War of the Roses, it was based on, which was, I think, around the first century, wasn't it? It was-

   13. JRJoe Rogan12:46

       Yeah, but they got fucking d- Dark Knights and... Or l-

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:49

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan12:49

       White Knights or whatever.

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:50

       Oh, yeah, no, they mixed a lot of it together.

   17. JRJoe Rogan12:52

       Night King. (laughs)

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons12:52

       But I think there was a point where the, uh, where the, the, the British Empire was divided into, whatever it was, five or six different kingdoms-

   19. JRJoe Rogan13:00

       Oh, that's what they based it on?

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons13:01

       ... yeah, that were all fighting for the, uh, throne.

   21. JRJoe Rogan13:04

       Apparently n- they're gonna do a prequel now.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons13:06

       Oh.

   23. JRJoe Rogan13:06

       Like, those guys, they were not gonna do it. They were gonna cancel it, but they're gonna do it now.

   24. NANarrator13:10

       I think it's, uh... I heard it got canceled.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons13:12

       Yeah, I heard it got canceled.

   26. JRJoe Rogan13:12

       Did it get canceled?

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons13:13

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan13:13

       But there was just something a couple of days ago that said they're, they're doing a preview, hundreds of years before, that's about the Targaryens.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons13:24

       That's awesome.

   30. JRJoe Rogan13:25

       Fuck, yeah.
6. 20:19 – 24:04

   Austin love letter: comedy clubs, traffic growth, and tech migration

   1. JRJoe Rogan20:19

      Purple's a good word for it. Well, Austin's very weird, right?

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:23

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan20:24

      Austin is this super blue area.

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:27

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan20:28

      In a red state.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:29

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan20:29

      But it's also got a lot of cowboys and guns and barbecue.

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:32

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan20:33

      It's such a great place.

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:34

       Fucking great place.

   11. JRJoe Rogan20:35

       Austin's one of the best places on Earth.

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:37

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan20:37

       It really is. And people figured that out too. You go there and the fucking traffic is absurd.

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:42

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan20:42

       And you're like, "What? Why are you all here?" Like-

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:45

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan20:45

       Oh, you found out it's awesome.

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:46

       There's a, there's a great place to shoot pool there called the Jackalope. Jackalan- Jack O'Lantern, Jackalope.

   19. JRJoe Rogan20:52

       Hmm.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons20:52

       And uh, it's just like, you just go in there and fucking everybody says hi. "Hey, you wanna shoot a game? Let me buy you a beer."

   21. JRJoe Rogan21:00

       Right. Texas.

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons21:00

       Great fucking music on the jukebox. And ah, I love that place.

   23. JRJoe Rogan21:04

       Yeah, it's not... Well, they're, they're a little y- I mean, they're kind of aware that it's supposed to be kinda cool, so they act a little cool.

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons21:14

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan21:14

       Like, you know, Keep Austin Weird, those T-shirts.

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons21:17

       Right. Right.

   27. JRJoe Rogan21:17

       By the way, if you wear one of those fucking T-shirts, those Keep Austin Weird T-shirts, you're a part of the problem.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons21:21

       You're not weird.

   29. JRJoe Rogan21:22

       No, you're not weird.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons21:23

       Yeah.
7. 24:04 – 31:18

   Epstein, autopsies, and medical weirdness: from conspiracies to mineral talk

   1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons24:04

      (laughs) Oh, fucking Epstein. Man, what a story.

   2. JRJoe Rogan24:08

      What a story.

   3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons24:09

      And so now, what did they say, that it looks like he was choked to death?

   4. JRJoe Rogan24:12

      Murdered. Yeah, his brother hired uh, uh, a real fucking autopsy guy to check it out. Including that guy, Michael Baden, from that HBO autopsy show.

   5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons24:20

      Hmm.

   6. JRJoe Rogan24:21

      That guy said he was murdered. You know who dinged? Did I ding?

   7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons24:23

      I might've dinged.

   8. JRJoe Rogan24:24

      Um-Do you remember that show? HBO, Autopsy?

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons24:27

      No.

   10. JRJoe Rogan24:28

       It was a great show that was on basically pre-internet-

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons24:31

       Uh-huh.

   12. JRJoe Rogan24:32

       ... where you would watch these wacky fucking stories of, uh, like, people that got busted murdering people by this, this one really good autopsy coroner. And, uh, this coroner, m- Dr. Michael Baden, one of the ones I'll never forget, he took this one lady, he was in love with this lady, and she died, and s- he stole her corpse and had it in his house, and p- put a tube where her vagina was, and h- he had bought cases and cases of perfume 'cause she was rotting in his bed, and he would just douse her in perfume and keep fucking her.

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:08

       Wow.

   14. JRJoe Rogan25:09

       Dude.

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:09

       And he put a tube in her vagina so that-

   16. JRJoe Rogan25:11

       He put a tube-

   17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:11

       ... it didn't collapse?

   18. JRJoe Rogan25:12

       N- well, he put a tube there so he could fuck the tube.

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:15

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan25:15

       He put a fuck hole in this dead lady's body.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:18

       Damn.

   22. JRJoe Rogan25:19

       Yeah, oh my God, dude. And apparently it was like, the smell was insane.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:23

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan25:24

       Like, horrific. And this guy, one of the r- I think one of the ways they were suspicious, like, "Why is this motherfucker buying cases of perfume?"

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:31

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan25:32

       But he put a mask over her face and, you know, j- just like, just the fact that it used to be her-

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:39

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan25:39

       ... was enough.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons25:40

       Right.

   30. JRJoe Rogan25:40

       I forget his deal. I think... I wanna say he was a doctor that was... and she was a patient of his and he was in love with her.
8. 31:18 – 33:37

   Road food realities: airports, comedy club meals, and food poisoning

   1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:18

      Hotels have gotten a lot better, man. In our lifetime, hotel food used to be garbage.

   2. JRJoe Rogan31:23

      How about airport? Airport food?

   3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:24

      Airport food's gotten great.

   4. JRJoe Rogan31:25

      Way better.

   5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:26

      You got lemonades in the air.

   6. JRJoe Rogan31:27

      Yes. Yeah, you can get real food at the airport.

   7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:29

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan31:29

      Yeah.

   9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:30

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan31:30

       I'm, that's a, that's a big issue, man. It's a big issue for people that go on the road. 'Cause you know, you're on the road like three, four days in a row eating fucking Jack in the Box, you start feeling like shit.

   11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:41

       Oh, yeah. And then if you're... I mean, comedy club food, in 50 years, has not gotten any better.

   12. JRJoe Rogan31:47

       (laughs)

   13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:47

       It's deep-fried chicken wings and-

   14. JRJoe Rogan31:49

       Except Comedy Magic Club.

   15. GFGreg Fitzsimmons31:51

       Comedy Magic's got good club- got good food?

   16. JRJoe Rogan31:53

       Dude. They give you a fucking serious restaurant steak there. Like you could go there and eat a legit excellent dinner and see a show.

   17. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:00

       Oh, what am I saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had plenty of dinners there.

   18. JRJoe Rogan32:03

       It's very good.

   19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:03

       Right, they do have good food.

   20. JRJoe Rogan32:04

       Icehouse has good burgers too.

   21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:06

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan32:06

       Icehouse has very good burgers.

   23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:07

       Uh-huh.

   24. JRJoe Rogan32:08

       Um, but, uh, Comedy Magic Club is probably the tops. That's top.

   25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:11

       And then, you know what's good too, is, uh, Hilarity's in Cleveland, they got the Pickwick & Frolic Restaurant upstairs.

   26. JRJoe Rogan32:16

       Yes, yes. I was just there.

   27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:16

       That's a good restaurant.

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:17

       I was just there.

   29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons32:18

       Really?

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:19

       Yeah, we went to see Jessie May, me and, uh, Santino. Jessie May was playing at Hilarity's, and we were over at, uh, we were at this arena. So we came down and saw Jessie May, and, uh, I had a prime rib. It was fucking great.
9. 33:37 – 49:42

   Water survival and malaria: elk wallows, SteriPens, and mosquito consequences

   1. JRJoe Rogan33:37

      Well, they used to drink wine, uh, when people would travel to prevent traveler's illness.

   2. GFGreg Fitzsimmons33:44

      Hmm.

   3. JRJoe Rogan33:44

      'Cause they didn't want to drink water, 'cause if you drank wa- Like, if you found a fucking, a pond somewhere and you try to suck some water out of it-

   4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons33:51

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan33:52

      ... like back then, there wasn't a lot... I mean, you had to boil it, that's it.

   6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons33:55

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan33:56

      You know? Nowadays, you can get... They have a bunch of different things you could do to water if you find it. Like, you could take water out of a fucking elk wallow. You know what an elk wallow is?

   8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons34:05

      No.

   9. JRJoe Rogan34:06

      W- uh, it's like a puddle that elk piss in, and they wallow around in it, and they get their scent on it, they... Especially when they're rutting, when they're having sex with the female elk. They get in there, and they piss all over the water, and they roll around in it, and so you get this muddy puddle. And sometimes hikers, like if you're on some serious fucking trek, you know, you're doing like the Appalachian Trail or something like that-

   10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons34:28

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan34:28

       ... and your water's scarce, you can't find a creek, you gotta take the water out of an elk wallow. I have friend-

   12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons34:33

       No shit.

   13. JRJoe Rogan34:34

       I have friends that have done that. And you throw it through some filters.

   14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons34:37

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan34:37

       What they do is they'll take it and they'll throw it through filters. Well, they'll, they'll put it through a biological filter first, so they- there's like a, a f- a filter that... It's like a pump. But the problem is with those, those pumps can get clogged up 'cause they're basically taking sediment and they, and then they're filtering it out, and then you get the water afterwards, it still tastes like piss.

   16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons34:58

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan34:59

       'Cause there's piss in it. You're drinking piss.

   18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:01

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan35:01

       You're just drinking piss that's not contaminated with something that can kill you.

   20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:04

       Wow.

   21. JRJoe Rogan35:04

       So then, a lot of times, guys, even after that, they take something called a SteriPen. You ever heard of a SteriPen?

   22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:10

       No.

   23. JRJoe Rogan35:11

       Steri's short for sterilization pen, and it uses some kind of light. P- pull, pull up SteriPen f... I don't wanna say this wrong, but u- utilizing some sort of light, uh, some sort of, um... I forgot what kind of light. What is it?

   24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:28

       UV light.

   25. JRJoe Rogan35:28

       UV light. And you, you keep it in the water for a certain amount of time, it just nukes everything, kills everything. But still-

   26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:36

       That's amazing.

   27. JRJoe Rogan35:37

       ... tastes like piss, so you're drinking piss.

   28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons35:39

       Yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan35:39

       You're definitely drinking piss. So a lot of times guys will take... Like, they sell these different... There's a SteriPen. So that little thing with that light, you spin it around inside your, your glass of water, and depending upon the amount of ounces, a certain amount of time, but it's not that much time sh- shockingly. It's like 10 minutes. And sometimes guys even throw, um, iodine tablets in water to like... The whole deal is just kill anything that could fuck you up.

   30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons36:05

       Right.
10. 49:42 – 1:08:41

    The great fart spiral: family gas culture, fetish porn, and absurd biology

    1. GFGreg Fitzsimmons49:42

       Dude, I've been farting.

    2. JRJoe Rogan49:43

       Whoo.

    3. GFGreg Fitzsimmons49:44

       Phenomenally. I enjoy farting.

    4. JRJoe Rogan49:46

       Do you?

    5. GFGreg Fitzsimmons49:47

       And my wife laughs at it, thank God. We wouldn't still be together.

    6. JRJoe Rogan49:50

       You fart in front of her?

    7. GFGreg Fitzsimmons49:50

       Oh, yeah.

    8. JRJoe Rogan49:51

       You don't even let her know it's coming?

    9. GFGreg Fitzsimmons49:53

       No, it's a, it's an, it's... I will walk in the room with a fart because she laughs at it.

    10. JRJoe Rogan49:59

        (farts)

    11. GFGreg Fitzsimmons49:59

        I don't know what it is.

    12. NANarrator50:00

        (laughs)

    13. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:00

        She thinks it's funny every fucking time I fart.

    14. NANarrator50:02

        (clapping)

    15. JRJoe Rogan50:02

        She's like your guy.

    16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:03

        Yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan50:04

        (laughs)

    18. NANarrator50:04

        (laughs)

    19. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:04

        She is. And she farts, she wishes she could fart as much as I do.

    20. JRJoe Rogan50:08

        Mm-hmm.

    21. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:08

        But when she does, she lets me know.

    22. JRJoe Rogan50:10

        (farts)

    23. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:10

        Our family does.

    24. JRJoe Rogan50:12

        The whole family farts?

    25. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:13

        Son farts at the dinner table, we all laugh.

    26. JRJoe Rogan50:15

        Whoa. (laughs)

    27. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:15

        Yeah. We're very open about it.

    28. JRJoe Rogan50:17

        But do you think that that's gonna carry on to his next relationship?

    29. GFGreg Fitzsimmons50:19

        I hope so.

    30. JRJoe Rogan50:20

        I hope so too. But it's hard to find a gal that's down with that.
11. 1:08:41 – 1:23:36

    Culture wars and trans sports: fairness, categories, and online punishment

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:08:41

       Because he was, (coughs) we were doing a, a gig at the store on a Friday night, and he was supposed to be on right before me. But they were like, "Actually, let's have Kyle go on after you," because apparently his whole thing needs a big setup. Confirms gender reassignment s- s- s-study. What?

    2. NANarrator1:09:02

       Yeah. Well...

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:09:03

       Um, uh, s- she confirms gender re- hold on, put that back up. (clears throat) It says, "Caitlyn Jenner confirms gender reassignment surgery in 2020" interview. Okay. But the problem is, she just did an interview recently. She said she still has it.

    4. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:15

       Hmm.

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:09:15

       What is gender reassignment surgery? They fucking wave a wand over you like a, like they knight you? "I hereby announce you have a vagina." "I have a vagina?" "Yes."

    6. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:27

       "Arise." (laughs)

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:09:28

       "You now have a vagina." "Okay." I mean, look, if you can just-

    8. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:31

       And they're tapping you on the head with your penis.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:09:33

       If you're clearly a man and you could just say you're a woman, why can't you say you have a vagina?

    10. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:37

        Mm-hmm.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:09:37

        W- we're gonna play make believe, let's just play make believe all the way.

    12. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:40

        Yeah.

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:09:40

        Fuck it.

    14. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:41

        Yeah.

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:09:41

        Because, look, my friend Zuby, he was a guest on the podcast, he, uh, claimed he was a woman for a day and broke the women's world record in deadlift.

    16. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:51

        What did he have to do to qualify as a woman?

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:09:53

        Nothing. You don't have to do anything.

    18. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:53

        You just say it.

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:09:55

        You just identify.

    20. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:55

        Oh.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:09:55

        You can identify as a woman.

    22. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:09:57

        Yeah. Wasn't-

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:09:59

        I mean, who are you to say that he didn't identify as a woman, you fucking transphobic piece of shit?

    24. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:10:04

        I know, I feel bad now.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:10:05

        You should. Jesus Christ, Greg.

    26. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:10:07

        I just...

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:10:07

        All these years we've known each other-

    28. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:10:08

        I just feel like-

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:10:09

        ... I can't believe I didn't know that you had this in you.

    30. GFGreg Fitzsimmons1:10:12

        It's, it's just my childhood, I think I was-

Episode duration: 2:37:48