Joe Rogan Experience #1396 - Michelle Wolf

1. 0:00 – 1:20

   Wolf jokes, turmeric coffee, and a sudden crystal phase

   1. HOHost0:00

      Mm. Yes! How many lame wolf jokes have you had to endure-

   2. Uh.

   3. ... over your life?

   4. You know what? I like them.

   5. Do you?

   6. So, yeah.

   7. What's the worst?

   8. Bring them on.

   9. (laughs)

   10. Joe List constantly tries to get the nickname Wolf of Wall Street started. (laughs)

   11. (laughs)

   12. Every time I see him, he's like, "Wolf of Wall Street."

   13. Why?

   14. It's gonna catch on. He says it to no one.

   15. (laughs)

   16. It's gonna catch on. It's gonna catch on. (laughs)

   17. You were saying that you like the turmeric coffee, but you don't like to admit that you like that stuff?

   18. Yeah, I, like, recently got into, like, all this, like, kinda like, you know, this, like, new age-y health stuff and, and crystals.

   19. You got into crystals?

   20. I mean, a little bit. I'm on the fringe of the crystal, you know, might be-

   21. For real?

   22. ... wearing a little rose quartz.

   23. Mm-hmm.

   24. And, uh ... (laughs)

   25. What are you ... Like, what's the thought behind being into crystals?

   26. I hon- honestly think it's a lot of it's, like, just in your 30s at some point.

   27. Oh, okay.

   28. As a woman, I think you get into crystals.

   29. Yeah, if you don't get a kid or a dog. (laughs)

   30. Yeah, you're kinda just like, you're just like, "You know what? Maybe I can bring some energy-"
2. 1:20 – 3:34

   Ayahuasca, decriminalization, and mushroom giggles

   1. HOHost1:20

      I was, like, thinking about ... Oh my God, this is so embar- (laughs) Why am I starting so embarrassing? I was thinking about maybe looking up, like, shamans in New York, you know?

   2. Whoa.

   3. To be like, "Maybe I can get, like ... Just explore the spiritual universe a little bit." I think it means I'm lonely. (laughs)

   4. It probably means you're lonely. But, y- like, shamans, like, do you wanna do drugs?

   5. Oh, I mean, I'd be ... I, I'd love to do ayahuasca.

   6. Yeah, so that's ... If ... They're not gonna be listed. You're gonna have to find somewhere.

   7. Right. (laughs)

   8. You can't just, like, right Google them. Some, some narc can just kinda Google-

   9. (laughs)

   10. ... Google ayahuasca. You could get away with it f- legally right now in Oakland, if you go to Oakland.

   11. Oh, yeah?

   12. Yeah, Oakland decl- they fucking stepped up. They decriminalized everything.

   13. Yeah, mushrooms are good.

   14. Psychedelics, mushrooms, everything.

   15. Yeah.

   16. Everything. They're like, "Fuck it, do it."

   17. Yeah.

   18. Yeah, which is what we need. With ... Slowly but surely, that's gonna be the whole country.

   19. I, mushrooms are ... I love mushrooms.

   20. Wanna do some right now?

   21. Uh, I, I have too many other things to do today. (laughs) Although-

   22. (laughs)

   23. ... I recently did them, and I all of a sudden ... I didn't realize this had happened on mushrooms. I got so giggly. Like-

   24. Oh, yeah. If you take the right amount, you get super giggly.

   25. Like just giggled for hours. I was like-

   26. (laughs)

   27. ... "Oh, this is the best."

   28. (laughs)

   29. This is ... I was-

   30. Yeah.
3. 3:34 – 4:40

   Mushroom war memories and the idea of ‘broadcast war like sports’

   1. HOHost3:34

      At the, uh, beginning of the, the, the Gulf War, like, right after 9/11, Stanhope and I got fucked up on mushrooms, like the day of the war, and we were watching TV, and they were like, "War coverage."

   2. "We all gotta serve our country some way." (laughs)

   3. Yes. That's how we, that's how we do it.

   4. (laughs)

   5. (clears throat) We get high and watch TV. And we were watching TV and they said, "War coverage begins today at 5:00." And he goes, "Holy shit, there's a kickoff for the war."

   6. (laughs)

   7. (laughs)

   8. (laughs)

   9. I, I don't ev- the, the whole ... That war, the-

   10. (laughs)

   11. That war beg- it, like ... The invasion of Iraq, the more, most recent one, not Desert Storm, but the most recent one, that is s- forever cemented in my head by mushrooms and him saying, "Holy shit, there's a kickoff." (laughs)

   12. There's a coin toss. (laughs)

   13. It was so weird.

   14. That would make war more fun-

   15. Yeah.

   16. ... if they were like, they broadcast it like a game. (laughs)

   17. It would, right? Yeah. W-

   18. They're like, "Flag on the play. There are some IEDs."

   19. It might be, it might be the future. Like, when, when you have, uh, robot wars.

   20. No, I don't-

   21. 'Cause in the future, I don't think people are gonna be fighting people.

4. 4:40 – 12:08

   Robot anxiety: MIT, Boston Dynamics, Alexa, and surveillance

   1. HOHost4:40

      Robots scare me.

   2. They should.

   3. So much. I don't know why we're making them. I don't. I was doing a gig at MIT recently, and I spent like the first 10 minutes yelling at them to stop making robots.

   4. (laughs)

   5. They make these cheetahs.

   6. Yeah.

   7. Why are you making robot cheetahs? What is the point of that, other than-

   8. Well, that's Boston Dynamics.

   9. (laughs)

   10. That's not, that's not MIT.

   11. Well, yeah, but they, like, they, uh ... But they're all the same people. They're all working together.

   12. Does Lex ... Lex works at MIT. Yeah, he's a professor at MIT, Lex Fridman, who's a, a specialist in AI. He's been on this podcast a couple times before. Yeah.

   13. Hm.

   14. They see, they're a little bit too blasé about it.

   15. Yeah. No, I don't like it. I'm not a fan. I won't even have an Alexa in my home.

   16. Oh, don't f- fuck that. They're listening.

   17. Yeah.

   18. They're listening. Yeah.

   19. And I also feel like that, like, like 10 years from now, people are gonna be like, "Uh, do you remember she said she didn't wanna have an Alexa in her home?"

   20. Yeah.

   21. Like, that's, like, gonna be the new racist.

   22. Scarlet letter.

   23. You hate robots. (laughs)

   24. Yeah. They're gonna put a mark in your door.

   25. I'll never be senator now.

   26. Yeah. They'll put a black X on your door.

   27. Yeah.

   28. Doesn't like robots.

   29. Hate them, hate them.

   30. Never be senator.
5. 12:08 – 15:19

   Quakes, Yellowstone supervolcanoes, and choosing instant doom over ‘prepper survival’

   1. HOHost12:08

      Oh, yeah. Did you see the Lizzo thing from the Lakers game last night?

   2. What, no, what you... Did you feel that?

   3. G2Guest 212:13

      Yeah, it was the truck and...

   4. HOHost12:14

      Oh, I thought it was an earthquake.

   5. G2Guest 212:14

      Happens all the time. I do too.

   6. HOHost12:15

      I panicked.

   7. G2Guest 212:16

      Every day.

   8. HOHost12:16

      Oh, I've never been here for an earthquake.

   9. Oh, I'm, we're due.

   10. Uh-oh.

   11. We're due for a big one.

   12. Oh, that's what everyone keeps saying. (laughs)

   13. They said that there was a recent shift in one of the tectonic plates that, uh, they... It was the first time it moved in 500 years.

   14. Uh-oh.

   15. And they're like, "Oh, Jesus."

   16. Yeah. (laughs)

   17. The other place I was thinking of moving to was Bozeman, Montana. You know why, Jamie? Because it's right next to Yellowstone. So if it blows-

   18. G2Guest 212:39

       They're gone.

   19. HOHost12:39

       ... it blows right on your fucking head.

   20. Wait, if the, like the geyser?

   21. Well, do you know what Yellowstone is?

   22. It's, like, a, got, like, a bunch of water under it, right?

   23. Oh.

   24. Hot water?

   25. Much, much, much, much, much more than that.

   26. (laughs)

   27. It's a continent destroyer.

   28. 'Cause I'm like, "It's just hot water, right?" (laughs)

   29. It's a continent destroyer. It's a caldera volcano. They didn't find out about it until satellites.

   30. Wait, is that the geyser?
6. 15:19 – 17:44

   Lizzo courtside controversy, body image, and phone-size status games

   1. HOHost15:19

      ... really trying not to care. The Lakers game last night, Lizzo.

   2. Oh, Jesus. Is that her?

   3. She... Yeah, so-

   4. What is she doing there?

   5. And I actually, I went to the game last night and she wore this T-shirt that had this big hole in the back and she was just wearing a thong out of it.

   6. Hmm.

   7. My theory is that she forgot underwear and then cut it and she was like, "I can fashion it out of this hole." But-

   8. I think that's calculated.

   9. She, um... First of all, she's sitting on a seat.

   10. Right there?

   11. Right there.

   12. Okay.

   13. Her butt is on that plastic Delta courtside seat. (laughs)

   14. Well, you know, Lil Duval? You know Lil Duval?

   15. Mm-hmm.

   16. He had a great point. He put it on his, uh, his Twitter page. He said, "How come when little, skinny hot girls wear no clothes, everybody gets mad at them and calls them sluts? But when big, giant girls..." I don't think he said, "Big, giant girls." I think he just said, "Big." I added "giant."

   17. (laughs)

   18. He's like when, when (laughs) , when big girls, when big girls dress like that, everybody celebrates.

   19. Uh, I... Well, my biggest problem with it is that, like, it's... You'll see all these women, I'm sure, being like, "She's just confident. She's confident." And I'm like, why does it still have to be... Like, it doesn't matter, it's still wrapped up in women, like, needing to feel sexy to feel confident.

   20. Right.

   21. Where I'm like...

   22. Right.

   23. Or you can just be a really good artist. (laughs)

   24. No. No, to be confident, you have to be... You have to stick your ass out.

   25. Yeah.

   26. Super important.

   27. Yeah, it's very important.

   28. That's what people do when they're confident.

   29. Yeah.

   30. It's like when baboons, when they're, they're in estrus.
7. 17:44 – 36:04

   Flip phones, tech minimalism, and comics being addicted to screens

   1. HOHost17:44

      Are you one of those people that wants to get into, like, flip phones again?

   2. No, I have thought about getting a flip phone, but the problem is everybody iMessages me.

   3. Yeah.

   4. And then that'll, that gets... I f- I switched over to Android before. It becomes a disaster.

   5. Yeah.

   6. You miss half the messages. Apple fucks you.

   7. Yeah.

   8. They're trying, they're trying to keep you from switching over.

   9. Of course.

   10. Yeah.

   11. It's genius.

   12. Yeah. It's...

   13. (laughs)

   14. Well, when they figured out the, the blue text too, the blue bubble carries status.

   15. Yeah.

   16. You know?

   17. Yeah.

   18. Someone with a green bubble, just like, like, what, what's wrong with you? Like, what, what are you doing?

   19. Yeah. It j- I mean, get your life together.

   20. Or you're one of them tech weirdos. Like, deep, deep, deep in tech, like you use Linux, you know.

   21. Oh, yeah, yeah.

   22. You know.

   23. You're just, like, coding all the time.

   24. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   25. A little bit like you have your own, like, you made, like, your own phone program.

   26. Yeah. Like what does it-

   27. (laughs)

   28. What do they do with their phones when they, they don't... It's not jailbreaking. You do that with an iPhone, but you do something different with the...

   29. G2Guest 218:34

       Same thing.

   30. HOHost18:34

       Is it the same?
8. 36:04 – 1:02:44

   Old medicine horrors: mad hatters, mercury, syphilis, and powdered wigs

   1. HOHost36:04

      Do you know that they used to use beaver pelts to, like, line the inside of their hats?

   2. Really?

   3. Yeah. Like, that was, like, a big thing. Like, beavers would line the inside of the hats. And there was something about the inside of hats that they used mercury, and the mercury made people go crazy 'cause mercury is terrible.

   4. Yeah, I was gonna say, that sounds like a bad idea.

   5. So that's where the expression Mad Hatter came from.

   6. Really?

   7. Mad as a hatter. Yeah.

   8. 'Cause he-

   9. It came from people not knowing that mercury was poison, so they were putting mercury in their fucking hats.

   10. This is how, like, I'm just... (laughs) I'm just like, yeah, 100%.

   11. I'm pretty sure that's true.

   12. I 100% believe you. (laughs)

   13. (laughs) It sounds ridiculous. Is that true?

   14. Yeah.

   15. I think it's totally true, right? I definitely think someone told me that on this podcast. I've... My hard drive is so overfull. So overfull. Like, I- I s-... run into people and, um, I go, "Oh, I know that guy." I'm like, "Fuck, he was on my podcast a month ago. Of course I know him."

   16. (laughs)

   17. Like, literally it's like, I- I for-... I'm forgetting everything. I wonder if it's just getting old.

   18. G2Guest 237:03

       Uh, this is-

   19. HOHost37:05

       What? Something crazy?

   20. G2Guest 237:06

       Yeah, all right. So this is the explanation I just read on this, corrosiondoctors.org, which I don't know the validity of it, but... Uh, so it was camel hair that was used as the felt material.

   21. HOHost37:16

       Mm-hmm.

   22. G2Guest 237:17

       In order to soften that up and speed up the softening process, they would use camel urine to process that.

   23. HOHost37:22

       Mm-hmm.

   24. Yeah, of course.

   25. G2Guest 237:23

       So as that became more popular, the French-... workmen that were doing that would use their own urine-

   26. HOHost37:29

       Hmm.

   27. G2Guest 237:29

       ... to soften it. Some of them were being treated for syphilis-

   28. HOHost37:34

       Whoa.

   29. G2Guest 237:35

       ... with mercury-

   30. HOHost37:36

       Whoa.
9. 1:02:44 – 1:06:19

   Cancel culture as public execution: Twitter mobs, piranhas, and ‘online activism’

   1. HOHost1:02:44

      Everybody's so angry. And it's such a mob thing too. It's funny because these are the people that don't want bullies. They, th- it's like the same people, progressive people, are the ones who are like anti-bullying, which are-

   2. Oh, they bully just as much.

   3. They bully. They, uh, more.

   4. Yeah.

   5. They bully each other. You can't be woke enough.

   6. You can't.

   7. B- 'cause they're just feeding off of each other. Like, I used to have piranhas.

   8. Mm-hmm.

   9. Okay? And one of the things that happens with piranhas is when one of 'em gets sick, the other ones fuck them up.

   10. (laughs)

   11. They, they, they cannibalize each other all the time. It was weird.

   12. What an animal. (laughs)

   13. Like, oh, they're so crazy. Like, one of 'em, you'd see one of 'em had like a little slight little w- wiggle to him wrong.

   14. Uh-huh.

   15. And they'd be like, "Come on, look at mine." Blah.

   16. And they'd just eat 'em?

   17. Yeah, they'd eat 'em. Fuck 'em up. I'd come home and half a piranha would be at the bottom of the tank.

   18. Wow.

   19. I'd be like, "Oh, you fucking creeps."

   20. Jesus.

   21. So I'd have to scoop it out.

   22. I had a hamster that ate the other hamster once.

   23. Oh, I had that happen when I was a little kid.

   24. Yeah.

   25. They had th- they had like w- wet tail. It was like a disease. think it's called a wet tail.

   26. I don't know, but it's a, it's a weird thing to walk home to when you're five.

   27. Yeah.

   28. You know? (laughs)

   29. Her name was Fluffy and she was eating her babies.

   30. Oh.

Episode duration: 2:37:52