Joe Rogan Experience #1396 - Michelle Wolf

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Mm. Yes! How many…

   1. HOHost0:00

      Mm. Yes! How many lame wolf jokes have you had to endure-

   2. Uh.

   3. ... over your life?

   4. You know what? I like them.

   5. Do you?

   6. So, yeah.

   7. What's the worst?

   8. Bring them on.

   9. (laughs)

   10. Joe List constantly tries to get the nickname Wolf of Wall Street started. (laughs)

   11. (laughs)

   12. Every time I see him, he's like, "Wolf of Wall Street."

   13. Why?

   14. It's gonna catch on. He says it to no one.

   15. (laughs)

   16. It's gonna catch on. It's gonna catch on. (laughs)

   17. You were saying that you like the turmeric coffee, but you don't like to admit that you like that stuff?

   18. Yeah, I, like, recently got into, like, all this, like, kinda like, you know, this, like, new age-y health stuff and, and crystals.

   19. You got into crystals?

   20. I mean, a little bit. I'm on the fringe of the crystal, you know, might be-

   21. For real?

   22. ... wearing a little rose quartz.

   23. Mm-hmm.

   24. And, uh ... (laughs)

   25. What are you ... Like, what's the thought behind being into crystals?

   26. I hon- honestly think it's a lot of it's, like, just in your 30s at some point.

   27. Oh, okay.

   28. As a woman, I think you get into crystals.

   29. Yeah, if you don't get a kid or a dog. (laughs)

   30. Yeah, you're kinda just like, you're just like, "You know what? Maybe I can bring some energy-"
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   But look how pretty…

   1. HOHost15:00

      years ago.

   2. But look how pretty it is now.

   3. (coughs)

   4. G2Guest 215:02

      Eh.

   5. HOHost15:03

      (laughs)

   6. It's gorgeous. Yeah, it's gorgeous now. But I mean, when you see mountains, that's the result of activity, you know. That's a result of plates moving and-

   7. Yeah.

   8. ... shit moving upwards. Upwards, upwards, upwards.

   9. Wait, but the... We were talk... The, um, people-

   10. (clears throat)

   11. ... really trying not to care. The Lakers game last night, Lizzo.

   12. Oh, Jesus. Is that her?

   13. She... Yeah, so-

   14. What is she doing there?

   15. And I actually, I went to the game last night and she wore this T-shirt that had this big hole in the back and she was just wearing a thong out of it.

   16. Hmm.

   17. My theory is that she forgot underwear and then cut it and she was like, "I can fashion it out of this hole." But-

   18. I think that's calculated.

   19. She, um... First of all, she's sitting on a seat.

   20. Right there?

   21. Right there.

   22. Okay.

   23. Her butt is on that plastic Delta courtside seat. (laughs)

   24. Well, you know, Lil Duval? You know Lil Duval?

   25. Mm-hmm.

   26. He had a great point. He put it on his, uh, his Twitter page. He said, "How come when little, skinny hot girls wear no clothes, everybody gets mad at them and calls them sluts? But when big, giant girls..." I don't think he said, "Big, giant girls." I think he just said, "Big." I added "giant."

   27. (laughs)

   28. He's like when, when (laughs) , when big girls, when big girls dress like that, everybody celebrates.

   29. Uh, I... Well, my biggest problem with it is that, like, it's... You'll see all these women, I'm sure, being like, "She's just confident. She's confident." And I'm like, why does it still have to be... Like, it doesn't matter, it's still wrapped up in women, like, needing to feel sexy to feel confident.

   30. Right.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   So, p- …

   1. HOHost30:01

   2. So, p-

   3. (laughs)

   4. (laughs) You can p- I guess you could do that too.

   5. You just... You go up to the, the, the... (laughs) You somehow get into the, uh, cockpit, and you're just like poking the back of their heads. You're like-

   6. "Hey, we're going to, we're going to Egypt."

   7. "They annoyed me so much." (laughs)

   8. (laughs) "They made us fly to Miami." No, it's a hardwood club, basically.

   9. Oh, that's... Yeah, I'm dumb. That's a better... That would be a better way to use a weapon. (laughs)

   10. You know, how many, how many of you watched a Steven Seagal movie?

   11. Oh, right, yeah.

   12. They beat people up with pool cues. Whack, whack.

   13. Yeah.

   14. Right, does fucking karate on them and shit.

   15. But there's so much stuff like that, that like-

   16. Oh, yeah.

   17. Well, they sell glass bottles-

   18. Yeah.

   19. ... inside the terminal, which you could break-

   20. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   21. ... and then have a glass weapon.

   22. Right, but, but don't they hold those? Like, when you have duty free, don't they hold onto that stuff and then you get it later or something?

   23. I think you can buy glass bottles of like s- like sparkling water in like-

   24. Hmm.

   25. In... Throughout the thing. I think you can.

   26. Yeah, you definitely can buy a bottle of water, like a water bottle. But can you buy like a Voss bottle?

   27. I think so.

   28. I've never seen one.

   29. I think they have the little glass-

   30. (clears throat)
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   I think they wear…

   1. HOHost45:00

   2. I think they wear the robes because they're mystical, like they're the ones who are ... They have control of the law.

   3. Right. "We understand. We rule."

   4. Yes. They come in there, bang, bang, bang. They have a hammer.

   5. I would be a terrible judge, 'cause I wouldn't be able to just ... I wouldn't just ... I'd be like, "No, I just don't like this guy." (laughs)

   6. You'd be a comedy judge. There, there, wasn't there ... There was a bunch of those shows where they were trying to do them with comedians. I actually did a pilot once, way back in the day, where, um, it was like a comedy court. And then, like-

   7. I would love if we had comedy court.

   8. The idea was that you were gonna bring people in with, like, disputes, like, you know, you stole his records, that kind of shit.

   9. Mm-hmm.

   10. And then, uh, I would have to make a judgment, and the judgment actually would stick. So it's people that had, like, small claims, they would go there.

   11. Right.

   12. And they would ... And I think Dom Irrera did one too. I think Dom Irrera did a pilot for one of those. There was a few of those floating around for a while.

   13. I think it'd be fun if we had comedy court now, but, like, in the way where a lot of us comedians got to decide if you get to stay in comedy or not.

   14. G2Guest 246:00

       (laughs) Yeah.

   15. HOHost46:00

       (laughs)

   16. It's like, "No, no, you've been doing too much social justice stuff."

   17. Mm. Mm.

   18. "You're- you're- you're- you're- you're barred for the next six months."

   19. Yeah, well-

   20. "Get back to writing jokes."

   21. If you criticize someone for something and then we can pull up you doing that exact same kinda joke ... Like, if you, if you get real social justice-y-

   22. Yeah.

   23. ... about a bit, and then we go, "Oh, look at this ten years ago, you fuck."

   24. Yeah.

   25. "You did the exact same jokes."

   26. It's like, I mean, that's what people do on Twitter all the time.

   27. Oh, yeah.

   28. They're just like-

   29. That's my favorite.

   30. It's so great, 'cause people are like, "I can't believe you'd do this. This is so racist." And then, of course, minutes later, it's like, "Yeah, and so were these times you used the N-word back in 2012." (laughs)
5. 1:00:00 – 1:06:19

   How... Is that guy…

   1. HOHost1:00:00

      match with this guy and fucking flattened him.

   2. How... Is that guy ranked anything?

   3. I don't, I don't know. I don't know the specifics behind it, but it, but it's super risky for a woman to fight a man.

   4. Yes.

   5. But she wanted the challenge, and I f- completely support it. See, go to where she flattens him. See, like this dude is swing- it's fucking dangerous, but she's a super high-level fighter.

   6. Right. Wow.

   7. Boom right there, son. Out go the lights. You just got flat-lined by a woman, kid. (crowd cheering) Watch that again. Back that up again. But it's, this is a, you're talking about a guy who's just a schmoe. I mean, not a bad fighter. Knows how to punch.

   8. Right.

   9. But that's a world champion. So I'm, if, if someone wants it, like Germaine de Randamie wants to do that, I wouldn't say she couldn't do it. You do whatever you want. But the idea that you can not tell someone that-

   10. Right.

   11. ... you were a man for 30 years.

   12. Yeah.

   13. I got into a conversation with this on Twitter back when I used to get in conversations with people.

   14. Right.

   15. And, uh-

   16. Best time of your life. (laughs)

   17. The la- this lady actually said this to me. She goes, "She's always been a woman." And I go, "Even when she fathered a child?"

   18. Mm-hmm.

   19. And she goes, "Even then." I go, "We're done. We're done. We're in crazy town."

   20. It's like-

   21. Now you're just making things up.

   22. I, mentally, yes, uh, maybe she was always a woman mentally, but physically-

   23. Yeah.

   24. ... you weren't. So-

   25. Yeah.

   26. ... it's, it's the same thing like-

   27. What does that mean mentally? What does that mean?

   28. I don't know. I guess like-

   29. You wish?

   30. ... you felt inside that you were always supposed to be a woman.

Episode duration: 2:37:52