Joe Rogan Experience #1401 - Iliza Shlesinger

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (singing) And the first…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (singing) And the first sound is a slurp.

   2. ISIliza Shlesinger0:06

      (slurping)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Hello, Eliza.

   4. ISIliza Shlesinger0:09

      It's a cozy morning.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:10

      What's going on, my friend?

   6. ISIliza Shlesinger0:11

      I don't-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:11

      It is kinda cozy, right? For California?

   8. ISIliza Shlesinger0:13

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      It's like a little chill in the air. Makes you feel like there's real weather here.

   10. ISIliza Shlesinger0:16

       It does, like we're in a normal place.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:18

       Yeah, a normal place.

   12. ISIliza Shlesinger0:19

       With normal people.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:20

       Like, where things change, like you get a winter and a summer and a spring.

   14. ISIliza Shlesinger0:24

       Yet not-

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       Here, w- we get a slight chill, and we're like, "Oh, my God. It's real."

   16. ISIliza Shlesinger0:27

       With the season changing, though, nobody ages. Like, it's still that perennial somewhere between 20 to 45-year-old. Nobody ages.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:34

       What do you mean?

   18. ISIliza Shlesinger0:35

       Everybody in LA... Like, there's, like, this nebulous age where it's like behavior-wise and everything, like, you're somewhere between 25 and 45. And then on either side of that, you're too old or too young. But, like, everybody is this kind of-

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:47

       Hmm.

   20. ISIliza Shlesinger0:47

       ... like, just... You can act like a child here.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       That's an interesting observation. It's totally true, right?

   22. ISIliza Shlesinger0:52

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       Because they don't have the responsibility of having to, like, shovel snow and prepare for the winter and get up and scrape your windshield-

   24. ISIliza Shlesinger1:01

       Or-

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       ... 'cause there's ice on it.

   26. ISIliza Shlesinger1:02

       Or prepare for life.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       Yeah.

   28. ISIliza Shlesinger1:03

       Like, you could be, like, 40, a 45-year-old dude, and you're like, "I do improv." And I have a-

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       Right.

   30. ISIliza Shlesinger1:08

       ... roommate, and girls are, like, awesome. Like, I'll have-
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yeah. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      that I ever did when I was doing that, when I was, when I prepare for my Netflix special, the last couple of months before, I did all my shows with these phone backs. It gets to be a pain in the ass, especially when you're doing giant places. But, um, and Miami-

   2. ISIliza Shlesinger15:11

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:11

      ... is the best, because Miami, everyone is doing coke and no one is paying attention-

   4. ISIliza Shlesinger15:16

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:16

      ... to anything, and they're all looking at their phones constantly. So you could loo- you could use your phone, but you had to leave the building to use your phone.

   6. ISIliza Shlesinger15:23

      Oh.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:23

      So everyone was getting up and going out and coming down and coming in. So during the show, it was just constant people-

   8. ISIliza Shlesinger15:30

      Oh my god. Oh my god.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:30

      ... coming in and sitting down. The only place, out of all the places I did, Miami was the only place where people were constantly-

   10. ISIliza Shlesinger15:36

       It's so fucked up.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:36

       ... getting up and sitting down.

   12. ISIliza Shlesinger15:37

       Not even aware that, like, you're doing a performance.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:40

       Yeah.

   14. ISIliza Shlesinger15:40

       They're like, "We don't care."

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       Well, Miami is just crazy.

   16. ISIliza Shlesinger15:43

       It's its own thing.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:44

       Yeah. It's another country.

   18. ISIliza Shlesinger15:45

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       It really is. It's wild. It's fun. It's a great place to visit. I, I love Miami.

   20. ISIliza Shlesinger15:49

       I-

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:49

       I love the food. Uh, I love the people. I love the attitude down there. But it's just, it's not the best place to perform.

   22. ISIliza Shlesinger15:55

       You said that to me in an airport once. I remember everything you say. Uh, you said that to me ... Now I feel bad repeating it, but we were in an airport and you were going to Miami. I was going somewhere else. And you were like, "If you ..." Like, something like, "If you-"

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:07

       "If you want to starve to death."

   24. ISIliza Shlesinger16:08

       "If you want to starve to open a library in Miami."

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:10

       Open a bookstore.

   26. ISIliza Shlesinger16:11

       Open a bookstore. Because I remember thinking, "Well, no one makes money off a library."

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:14

       (laughs)

   28. ISIliza Shlesinger16:14

       Uh, open a b- You said that. And I always remembered you said that. I've only played Miami proper once. But I always play, like, Fort Lauderdale and all the things around it.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:22

       I used to do the improv with Joey Diaz. We used to go down and do that improv down there in Coconut Grove.

   30. ISIliza Shlesinger16:26

       (laughs)
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) …

   1. ISIliza Shlesinger30:00

      tour and I was like, "Malaysia is, of all the countries I did..." 'Cause I did Hong Kong, uh, and I did Japan and, uh... There was one more and I'm blanking on it. Oh, Singapore. And of all of them, I had not been to Malaysia. I'd been to the others and I had less context for Malaysia. I knew some of my clothing was made there.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:16

      (laughs)

   3. ISIliza Shlesinger30:16

      And I knew that we ship a lot of our recycling there, or try to.But I had no context. And it's interesting, because you're there and everyone is in, uh, a hijab, and they're Asian, so that's like... You don't see that a ton.

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:27

      Really?

   5. ISIliza Shlesinger30:27

      Yeah, 'cause they're all Muslim.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:28

      Muslim Asians?

   7. ISIliza Shlesinger30:30

      Uh-huh.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:30

      Did they look like Asian, like Japanese or Chinese?

   9. ISIliza Shlesinger30:32

      Yeah, like Asian.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:33

       Wow.

   11. ISIliza Shlesinger30:34

       And they were just... The crowd was on fire.

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       Really?

   13. ISIliza Shlesinger30:39

       I thought it was gonna be super conservative and weird. I made fun of the Chinese a little bit. They were like, "Yes!"

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:43

       (laughs)

   15. ISIliza Shlesinger30:43

       And they just went nuts, and they were awesome. And I just remember thinking like... And some people are expats, but a lot of them were just full-on Malaysian, and it's all because of Netflix.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:53

       Oh.

   17. ISIliza Shlesinger30:53

       And I was like, "That's... It's so special to have your comedy..." I'm gonna go tour in Russia. Like, places that you have no real context for are feeling your heart, and they're understanding what you're saying, and it's resonating with people that are nothing like you.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:06

       You're gonna tour in Russia?

   19. ISIliza Shlesinger31:07

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:07

       Whoa. That's heavy.

   21. ISIliza Shlesinger31:09

       I'm going to Europe. Like, it's just cool, and then they know other comics.

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:13

       Right.

   23. ISIliza Shlesinger31:13

       Like, they know who you are, they know who other people... And it's just... It's this sec- it's this, like, language, this community that we're, you and I, are members of, and people all want to be part of it.

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:22

       Right.

   25. ISIliza Shlesinger31:23

       Because people want to feel seen and heard, and that comedy validates that weird voice in your head, and it lets you know that you're not alone. And for so many people that feel alone, it's so powerful to feel like y- you're being seen and that somebody understands you.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:37

       Mm-hmm.

   27. ISIliza Shlesinger31:38

       And that's why it's so important to have so many different kinds of comedy, different shapes and colors, just so people can choose who they resonate with.

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:44

       Right.

   29. ISIliza Shlesinger31:45

       I, I'm never gonna be able to reach everyone, and that's okay.

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:48

       Yeah. Of course. Touring in, uh, Russia is gonna be a trip.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   In skirts, yeah. It's...…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Uh, well, I think of girls playing lacrosse as like hair all over the place and fucking this face. (screams)

   2. ISIliza Shlesinger45:05

      In skirts, yeah. It's...

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:07

      Yeah.

   4. ISIliza Shlesinger45:07

      I got ejected from a game one time so hard that I wasn't allowed to sit with my team. Like, what's a shade beyond a red card? (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:15

      Hmm.

   6. ISIliza Shlesinger45:16

      Like, a black beating heart.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:18

      What'd you do?

   8. ISIliza Shlesinger45:19

      I hit a girl.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:20

      With the stick?

   10. ISIliza Shlesinger45:20

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:21

       Whoa.

   12. ISIliza Shlesinger45:21

       With my car. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:22

       (laughs)

   14. ISIliza Shlesinger45:22

       In the parking lot.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:23

       Well, I mean, I thought you meant your hand or something.

   16. ISIliza Shlesinger45:25

       No, I hit her with my stick and it was unlawful and they made me sit next to my parents in the stands and it was so humiliating.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:32

       Whoa. Good for you.

   18. ISIliza Shlesinger45:32

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       I wanna pat you on the head. Good girl.

   20. ISIliza Shlesinger45:34

       Our team was pretty good.

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:35

       Fuck those bitches up.

   22. ISIliza Shlesinger45:36

       I played defense though, so I wasn't really a part of it.

   23. JRJoe Rogan45:38

       I had a buddy of mine that played lacrosse in high school and, uh, I remember ta- he was like telling me I was crazy to fight and I was like, "What's to stop someone from hitting you with those sticks?"

   24. ISIliza Shlesinger45:47

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan45:47

       You guys are running into each other, man. Like, don't... I'm like, don't kid yourself. I'm like, you're doing something violent. You're just doing something violent under this weird pretend thing.

   26. ISIliza Shlesinger45:55

       Yeah. Uh, under pretend civility.

   27. JRJoe Rogan45:57

       Yeah.

   28. ISIliza Shlesinger45:57

       Boys get pads and helmets and girls do not.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:00

       What the fuck is that all about?

   30. ISIliza Shlesinger46:01

       'Cause girls aren't supposed to h- I mean, you're... It's a physical sport-
5. 1:00:00 – 1:02:24

   Well, let me, let…

   1. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:00

      was like, "He said all this stuff that's anti-trans," and I hadn't heard anything, but I-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      Well, let me, let me say what he said.

   3. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:04

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:04

      Okay? And here's the thing. He went off into a spiral, right? But I agree with what he said. What he said was there was someone that he knew, someone who works in Hollywood, that had a three-year-old that they were turning trans.

   5. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:21

      Right.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:22

      And he said that that was child abuse. That was what led-

   7. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:24

      I don't disagree with that.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

      ... to his crazy situation.

   9. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:27

      Total- this is-

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:27

       I, no, I agree with it 100%.

   11. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:29

       I don't disagree with that.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       Yeah. I agree with him-

   13. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:30

       It's a child.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:31

       ... 100%. Yes.

   15. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:31

       You wouldn't let that child decide what it's eating.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:33

       Right.

   17. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:34

       So that's a very powerful-

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:35

       Somebody had a great joke. You don't let... I, or f- I, I should always-

   19. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:37

       Was it-

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

       ... say this. I wish I could remember who m- who it was. They said, "You don't let a kid pick their outfit. Why the fuck would you let them pick their gender for the rest of their life?"

   21. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:44

       Sounds just like the joke I just made.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       Yeah. But it's, somebody did it already.

   23. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:47

       Right.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       (laughs)

   25. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:48

       I'm not gonna do the joke. Uh, but, so that aside and the spiral aside, which I didn't even-

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       Yeah.

   27. ISIliza Shlesinger1:00:54

       ... participate, like, it's, whatever, like, those are your choices if that's what you're saying. I had known none of this.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       But then here's the thing. That cost him dearly. His agency left him, and then comedy clubs banned him for that. That was the beginning of it.

   29. ISIliza Shlesinger1:01:05

       I think he just steered into that skid.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:07

       Well, that's, but that's what started the skid.

Episode duration: 2:26:51