Joe Rogan Experience #1407 - Michael Malice

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   And... booyah. So what…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      And... booyah. So what were you saying about tarantula hawks?

   2. MMMichael Malice0:06

      Tarantula hawk wasps.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:07

      Yeah, that- they're-

   4. MMMichael Malice0:08

      They're like- they're-

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      ... that big fucker that mane resent me.

   6. MMMichael Malice0:09

      Yeah. So this is one of the... There's a guy who made a scale, right? And he got stung by all the different insects. And this is f-... I think five. There's also a five plus. They're very hard to get you to sting them. There's a guy who, online, goes through and gets them all stung. But the reason they're so dangerous, or- or- or so venomous, what they do is they sting the tarantula, lay their eggs inside the tarantula, and then the tarantula's eaten alive by the offspring-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:35

      Right.

   8. MMMichael Malice0:35

      ... for weeks.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:36

      Right.

   10. MMMichael Malice0:36

       And then when this was discovered, this kinda stuff, in the Middle Ages, they were like, "This is a big theological dilemma, because Go- why would God (laughs) make this happen?"

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       Yeah, why would God do that?

   12. MMMichael Malice0:47

       Nature is... I mean, I could go down this rabbit hole f- for hours with you.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:51

       Please do.

   14. MMMichael Malice0:52

       Yeah, I mean-

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       Have you seen that gigantic flower that they found that smells like shit?

   16. MMMichael Malice0:56

       Rafflesia. So one of the n- uh... one of the cousins to that flower is called something infanticida. So the i- insane thing about that flower, a rafflesia, it's the largest flower in the world, it only lasts two weeks.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:07

       Yeah.

   18. MMMichael Malice1:07

       But the plant-

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       It's a parasite.

   20. MMMichael Malice1:09

       Right. So the plant that it comes from has no stems, roots, or leaves.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:14

       Yeah.

   22. MMMichael Malice1:14

       So you can't keep it on display, 'cause it is entirely inside another, uh, species of vine.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:20

       Yeah, it's completely parasitic, right?

   24. MMMichael Malice1:22

       Yeah.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:22

       It just, it just sits there, and it's fucking huge. Look at that thing.

   26. MMMichael Malice1:24

       Yeah, and they smell. Uh, they sm- uh, they're called corpse flowers 'cause they smell like rotting flesh too.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:29

       How weird.

   28. MMMichael Malice1:29

       And they don't know why it's so big.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:32

       I- I guess to trap rats. That's what I would imagine.

   30. MMMichael Malice1:34

       No, it doesn't. It's n- it's not carnivorous. It's the flower.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Yes, and seams her…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      her up inside, right?

   2. MMMichael Malice15:01

      Yes, and seams her up.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:02

      Meow.

   4. MMMichael Malice15:02

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:02

      Meow.

   6. MMMichael Malice15:02

      And he's also biting her neck-

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:04

      Yeah.

   8. MMMichael Malice15:05

      ... like sharks.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:06

      And they go to war sometimes too. They fucking fight and claw each other and shit.

   10. MMMichael Malice15:09

       Well, then he... They also kill the kids so that she'd get, uh, uh, her period again.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:13

       Cats do that too?

   12. MMMichael Malice15:14

       Yeah. Lions. All, all felines.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:16

       (sighs) I didn't know kitty cats did that.

   14. MMMichael Malice15:17

       They have that, uh, gland in the roof of the mouth, the males, so they'll make that face and then they're smelling if it's their kids.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:24

       Oh. That... They're doing that with their mouth?

   16. MMMichael Malice15:26

       Yes.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:26

       Whoa.

   18. MMMichael Malice15:27

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:27

       They can smell if it's their own kids?

   20. MMMichael Malice15:29

       Yes.

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:30

       That is fucking bonkers.

   22. MMMichael Malice15:33

       But that's just amazing that, like, "Okay, do I have to kill these children so I can rape their mom?"

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       You know who else does that?

   24. MMMichael Malice15:38

       Who?

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:38

       Dolphins.

   26. MMMichael Malice15:39

       Dolphins?

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:40

       Dolphins.

   28. MMMichael Malice15:40

       Do what? They kill the kids?

   29. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       Infanticide. Yeah.

   30. MMMichael Malice15:42

       Really? I didn't know that.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. MMMichael Malice30:00

      queens, Violet Chachki. And it's just like, look, this is something for ... What- what if there's, like, a little boy who's being at Chippendales? You know what I mean?

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:08

      Mm-hmm.

   3. MMMichael Malice30:08

      It's like, how is this a- appropriate for kids? And- and it's on-

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:11

      Different.

   5. MMMichael Malice30:11

      ... Good Morning America.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:12

      It's different. Is there a bunch of ladies screaming and trying to get that dick?

   7. MMMichael Malice30:15

      Well, I mean, that would be the equivalent, right? 'Cause he's-

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:18

      Yeah.

   9. MMMichael Malice30:18

      ... performing at gay clubs and they're cheering him on. That's a place where guys go to hook up with guys.

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:22

       Well, here's the question, too. Do you think guys have hooked up with him?

   11. MMMichael Malice30:25

       No. Oh, G- I hope not. Oh, let's talk-

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:27

       I hope not.

   13. MMMichael Malice30:27

       You wanna talk about this? Because th- this is a rabbit hole that I've been on recently.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:31

       Oh, boy, you been on the-

   15. MMMichael Malice30:32

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:32

       ... kids getting fucked rabbit hole?

   17. MMMichael Malice30:33

       Yeah, because I had a friend in October who sat me down-And he's like, "Look, I was raped as a kid for a long time."

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:44

       Oof.

   19. MMMichael Malice30:44

       And he only realized 'cause of this show, because he was watching when Jake the Snake was on this show-

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       Oh my God.

   21. MMMichael Malice30:50

       ... my friend, Matt, and everything Jake was saying, he's like, "Holy shit, this is me." And this really fucked him up for a while. And as he's talking to me and he goes, "I can't even be mad because it was another older kid, and I know he was getting it worse than me."

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:04

       Oh.

   23. MMMichael Malice31:05

       And the thing that's really fucked up is he didn't know how I was gonna react, right? So used to be Mommy's sleepy. No, Mommy was a drunk, right? And until Betty Ford, the first lady, came out as an alcoholic, now people, like if someone says, "Oh, my mom is an alcoholic," you're like, "Oh, that sucks," but you don't think anything of them, right?

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:23

       Right.

   25. MMMichael Malice31:23

       If someone's, if Daddy had a temper, no, Daddy was abusive, but we know what to do with that information. And when I started talking about this on Twitter and elsewhere, that this is really common, and because all of us do not think of kids in this way, we don't want to think about it, it's so sick, they're the ones who have to deal with this nightmare.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:42

       Yeah.

   27. MMMichael Malice31:42

       Um, and it's really, really ... Everyone I've talked to knows someone.

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:47

       Mm-hmm.

   29. MMMichael Malice31:47

       And I just told another friend when he's like, "Oh, yeah, my sister, I just found out, was being molested by her grand- ... our grandfather their whole life."

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:53

       Ugh.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Cleansing. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      aisle waving, that would either be sage, which is, I think-

   2. MMMichael Malice45:04

      Cleansing.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:05

      ... a derivative of salvia divinorum. I think not a derivative, a cousin, maybe a close relative. I think sage and salvia divinorum are extremely close-

   4. MMMichael Malice45:15

      Okay.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:16

      ... in terms of, like, uh, the genus. Genus?

   6. MMMichael Malice45:19

      Genus, yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:20

      Genus.

   8. MMMichael Malice45:20

      S- what's the genus for sage?

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:22

      I think it's real close. I think it's o- it's one of those things where they think that maybe people were burning that, but, uh, they were probably also most definitely burning cannabis. And so they were wafting through the aisles with cannabis smoke, getting everybody secondhand high.

   10. MMMichael Malice45:39

       Huh.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       Yeah. And that's one of the-

   12. MMMichael Malice45:41

       So they can have that experience, yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:42

       Yeah, to take them into this fucking Catholic journey. You know, the guy's wearing a robe, there's b- b- fucking, there's g- these stained glass windows everywhere, we're like-

   14. MMMichael Malice45:51

       Oh, yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:52

       ... "Holy shit and look at the, the epic structure."

   16. MMMichael Malice45:54

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:54

       Like, you're looking at these gigantic beautiful artworks that they're calling buildings.

   18. MMMichael Malice45:58

       Sage or salvia?

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       Okay. All sages are salvia.

   20. MMMichael Malice46:01

       All sages are salvia. Wow.

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:02

       Over time, though, the term sage has been closely aligned with cooking or medicinal use, and the term salvia has been given to more ornamental members of the genus, genus.

   22. MMMichael Malice46:11

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:11

       Nevertheless, salvia is the Latin name or genus given to all these plants. Yeah, so sage is salvia. So salvia divinorum, this incredibly potent psychedelic, is common sage.

   24. MMMichael Malice46:23

       Wow. Or close enough, basic for all test purposes.

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:25

       Somewhere-

   26. MMMichael Malice46:26

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:26

       ... yeah, in the neighborhood of it. Yeah.

   28. MMMichael Malice46:28

       And it's, it's like a mix of acid and, uh, weed for 10 minutes.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:30

       Yeah, look at those guys tripping balls, son. Those guys are walking around with salvia, blowing salvia smoke. That- that's not a coincidence, man. They could have picked fucking cedar bark, right?

   30. MMMichael Malice46:42

       (laughs)
5. 1:00:00 – 1:04:38

   Mm-hmm. …

   1. MMMichael Malice1:00:00

      Ralph had these 3D glasses and it's basically you have to, like, take an elevator then you're walking in the street.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      Mm-hmm.

   3. MMMichael Malice1:00:05

      And, like, there's a part where there's, like, a wooden plank and they put a wooden plank in real life on the side, on the carpet, and I was scared.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      We have that right here.

   5. MMMichael Malice1:00:12

      Yeah, it's terrifying.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:13

      Yeah, it's crazy. I did it the other day and then, um, the, the plank disappeared-

   7. MMMichael Malice1:00:17

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

      The plank takes off from under you and then you, like, see the ground and you start falling to the ground.

   9. MMMichael Malice1:00:22

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it, it's, it's fucked up. You know how they tell you when you're a kid if you die in your dreams you die in real life which doesn't make any sense, how would you know? But that's what this feels like.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:28

       It does feel like that. Yeah, why, who the fuck knows that? You die in your dreams, you're really dead.

   11. MMMichael Malice1:00:34

       Yeah. (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:34

       Shut up. I'll force myself to die in my dream, bitch. Come back and haunt you.

   13. MMMichael Malice1:00:38

       (laughs) yeah. Yeah, okay.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       (laughs)

   15. MMMichael Malice1:00:39

       I'll show you I'll die.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

       Imagine if they made a, an Alex Honnold one, an Alex Honnold virtual r-

   17. MMMichael Malice1:00:46

       Who's that?

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:46

       He's that climber from Free Solo, the guy who, uh, free solo climbs, like-

   19. MMMichael Malice1:00:50

       Oh, Jesus.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:51

       ... El Capitan with like straight faces.

   21. MMMichael Malice1:00:51

       That's, oh, yeah, that's no joke.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       Oh my God, he's, he, we were just talking about him. I, I, even discussing him lightly makes my hands sweat.

   23. MMMichael Malice1:00:59

       H- how does-

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:01:00

       He's ... I don't know, I love it.

   25. MMMichael Malice1:01:01

       I just, I don't understand how he conquers that ... Is he suicidal?

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:05

       No, not at all. No, he's not at all. He's just really good. He knows he can do it.

   27. MMMichael Malice1:01:09

       I ... But yeah, there's, but there's chaos theory comes in at a certain point, right? Like if s- if you're, if I'm fighting somebody a, a billion times, at one time I'm gonna land that punch to take him out.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:20

       Yes, but in his ... Look at that.

   29. MMMichael Malice1:01:22

       Oh, Jesus Christ.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:23

       Yeah.

Episode duration: 2:45:20