Joe Rogan Experience #1413 - Bill Maher

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Hello, Bill. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Hello, Bill.

   2. BMBill Maher0:07

      Great to be here in the man cave.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      (laughs) This is the, uh, professional extension of the man cave. This part is, uh, this is where real work gets done. This is the only part in the building.

   4. BMBill Maher0:17

      It's worth it just to see it.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      (laughs)

   6. BMBill Maher0:19

      No, really. I, I thought I was ... And I did not expect this. But, you know, as I was just telling you off the air, I invited myself on this show.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:29

      Yes.

   8. BMBill Maher0:30

      I-

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:30

      Well, you requested it, and I-

   10. BMBill Maher0:31

       I, I did. I said-

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:32

       ... I would have invited you.

   12. BMBill Maher0:33

       ... I said, "What are you doing? We're coming back on the air. Real Time's coming back in a few days, and we always do something to promote it." I went, "Let's, let's do that show." You know? "I like that show. Why can't I do the shows I listen to?" Wow.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       Got that in Mexico.

   14. BMBill Maher0:49

       You should put that in a r- uh, uh, it looks like it should be a ring for a-

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:54

       (laughs) Maybe if you slash-

   16. BMBill Maher0:55

       ... for, for a, for a roadie.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:56

       (laughs) For a roadie.

   18. BMBill Maher0:59

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       What y- ... What season are you guys coming into?

   20. BMBill Maher1:01

       Oh, fuck. I'm, uh ...

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       (laughs)

   22. BMBill Maher1:03

       I don't know. Seasons, it's hard to ... Yeah, I could just go by years. I mean, we started on HBO in 2003, but then we used to do ... For the first few years, they had us do two seasons. They took u- ... took them a while to get the idea that this is not like The Sopranos or any other show. Thi- this kind of show is a habit show. It has to be on most of the year. We used to do a season from February to, like, uh, May, and then we'd be off for four months and come back for a few months in the fall. That's not the way you can do it when you're following events, a live show.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:39

       Right.

   24. BMBill Maher1:39

       So finally, somewhere in there, they just ... Okay, so then it was one long season as opposed to two, so I guess they counted the early years as two. We've been on HBO since 2003, but of course, w- ... I started ... You were on the old show, Politically Incorrect. Somebody sent me a clip of that. Wow. I couldn't even bear to watch it, just from the way we looked.

   25. JRJoe Rogan2:00

       (laughs)

   26. BMBill Maher2:00

       It was too sad.

   27. JRJoe Rogan2:01

       Time is cruel.

   28. BMBill Maher2:02

       I- it, it's ... (laughs) Actually, we look better now just 'cause we look douchier.

   29. JRJoe Rogan2:07

       (laughs)

   30. BMBill Maher2:07

       Uh, younger, of course. I mean, that's the trade-off in life-
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   It's also, uh, a…

   1. BMBill Maher15:00

      you don't say something funny, they can't... They're not gonna laugh.

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:03

      It's also, uh, a very uniquely live th- thing.

   3. BMBill Maher15:09

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:09

      It's like you have to be-

   5. BMBill Maher15:10

      Right.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:11

      I always say that, like, if you watch a special on TV, you're really, you're getting 60% of the funny.

   7. BMBill Maher15:16

      You're right.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:17

      You have to be there live. You, if you're there live, you'll get 100% of it. So not only that, not only are you watching it not live, right, because you've got a recording of it, but now it's also a fake recording. So, it's a guy pretending to be on stage and an audience pretending-

   9. BMBill Maher15:31

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:31

       ... to be an audience, and the whole thing's-

   11. BMBill Maher15:32

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:32

       ... a disaster.

   13. BMBill Maher15:34

       Yeah. So, maybe it was a blessing in disguise (laughs) that it never got-

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       They do a pretty-

   15. BMBill Maher15:37

       ... made into a movie.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:37

       ... decent job of capturing the, the... Marvelous Mrs. Maisel does, of capturing, like, the early scene in clubs, like, of her going up drunk and talking shit, and then people telling her, like, "You c- you could probably do comedy." Like, it seems chaotic and real, but it, it gets a little less realistic as time goes on, but-

   17. BMBill Maher15:56

       But you watch that show and you like it?

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       Yeah, yeah. I liked the first two seasons. The third season, I'm like, "Uh, I hope they're not losing me here."

   19. BMBill Maher16:02

       And it takes place in the '50s?

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:04

       Yeah, yeah.

   21. BMBill Maher16:05

       Okay. Yeah, I would watch something like that, except there's just too much... First of all, there's just too much, too many things-

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:12

       Yes.

   23. BMBill Maher16:12

       ... to watch.

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:12

       Yeah.

   25. BMBill Maher16:13

       I mean, I put it on my list but, you know, I'm gonna get to that. And does everything have to be, like, a season, you know?

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:21

       Right.

   27. BMBill Maher16:21

       Does everything have to be so dra- Like, back to our subject.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:24

       Mm-hmm.

   29. BMBill Maher16:24

       Everything is either very condensed or way too drawn out.

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:28

       And you have to follow it.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   (laughs) …

   1. BMBill Maher30:00

      I love 'em. I, I would lis- I'd, uh, very often see somebody's name. I've never heard of this comic. I'll never see it again. Uh, they're doing... you know, they play four or five minutes of their routine. It's very professional. It's funny. I'm laughing. And who is this person? D- there's just... and it seemed like an enumerable supply-

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:23

      (laughs)

   3. BMBill Maher30:23

      ... of, of very competent stand-ups who have funny bits about the ketchup bottle, and I don't know any of them. And I guess they have followings, and they-

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:34

      But you obviously go to clubs, though?

   5. BMBill Maher30:36

      ... obviously work. Clubs? Fuck no. I haven't been to the clubs-

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:38

      That's the thing.

   7. BMBill Maher30:39

      It's like, uh, you go back to high school. No.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:40

      I go to the high school every day.

   9. BMBill Maher30:42

      You do?

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:42

       Yeah, I work the clubs all the time.

   11. BMBill Maher30:44

       W- I... uh, so does Leno and Lutz and b-

   12. JRJoe Rogan30:46

       Yeah.

   13. BMBill Maher30:46

       ... Seinfeld, Chris Rock. I don't get it.

   14. JRJoe Rogan30:48

       (laughs)

   15. BMBill Maher30:48

       I don't know why- I don't know why you would wanna do that.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:50

       First of all, 'cause my friends are there. I like going there and talking to the other comics that are there all the time.

   17. BMBill Maher30:55

       Wow.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:55

       And, uh, I like to do it 'cause it keeps me sharp. I, I do that lineup at the store. There's 13 other comics on the list. Everybody's hustling.

   19. BMBill Maher31:01

       But I work the road. I, I, I-

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:03

       I do that too.

   21. BMBill Maher31:04

       ... y- yeah, but I'm, I'm saying, but that's my, how I keep sharp is I-

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:07

       Mm-hmm.

   23. BMBill Maher31:08

       ... or as sharp as I can be, uh, is... Well, also, I gave up on memorization years ago. First of all, with all the pot I've smoked, it just wasn't gonna happen. I've used what I call the poor man's teleprompter for, oh, it's gotta be 20 years, which is, I have a music stand on stage. And then I have my notebook, which has my bullet points, and I don't think the audience even notices it after. I, I, it's very, every five minutes, I'm very discreetly moving the page and... But that way, I don't have to memorize anything. When I get home from the gig, I go through it, I r- redo it in the computer, print it out and it's, it's, it's just been the greatest thing because I can say, I can get to exactly what I wanna say.

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:53

       Mm-hmm.

   25. BMBill Maher31:53

       I hate comics who stand up there and go, "What else? What else?"

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:57

       Mm-hmm.

   27. BMBill Maher31:58

       It's like, "Fuck that." You should know what else. You never hear me say, "What else?" to an... I know what else and I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna try to condense it, I'm gonna give you the best show I can for 90 minutes and then leave. (laughs)

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:13

       (laughs) Look, I mean, you certainly can do it that way.

   29. BMBill Maher32:15

       (laughs) Yeah, we all have our own ways of doing it.

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:18

       Yeah, everybody's got their own way of doing it.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Right. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      to do something that's way outside the norm. I'm sure there's just... Some girls are just really promiscuous, they're into sex and there's nothing wrong with them. They just love it-

   2. BMBill Maher45:07

      Right.

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:07

      ... and they love performing.

   4. BMBill Maher45:08

      Right.

   5. JRJoe Rogan45:08

      But I think there's less of them than there are-

   6. BMBill Maher45:11

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      ... of the girls who were, were probably abused. And, you know, maybe they turned a negative into a positive. I'm not saying-

   8. BMBill Maher45:16

      Right.

   9. JRJoe Rogan45:16

      ... they shouldn't do it. I'm not casting any judgment.

   10. BMBill Maher45:19

       Right.

   11. JRJoe Rogan45:19

       But I am saying that y- you should understand what this thing is. Like what this... Why... How come some people like to fuck on camera and every- everybody else is afraid f- th- you know-

   12. BMBill Maher45:27

       Well-

   13. JRJoe Rogan45:27

       ... that you're gonna see their genitals?

   14. BMBill Maher45:28

       I don't know about the watching (laughs) porn with your, uh, son, Joe, but I wouldn't-

   15. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       Yeah, I wouldn't s- suggest it either.

   16. BMBill Maher45:35

       No.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:35

       I'm just saying.

   18. BMBill Maher45:35

       I'm kidding. But, uh, what I would tell a kid, especially a boy-

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:41

       Mm-hmm.

   20. BMBill Maher45:41

       ... um, is, "Son, what you're seeing in porn, don't think that women really like that, 'cause they don't. They don't wanna have somebody come on their face."

   21. JRJoe Rogan45:56

       Someone must. We were talking-

   22. BMBill Maher45:58

       Some... Of course. Someone likes anything. That's one of the bad things about the internet-

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:02

       (laughs)

   24. BMBill Maher46:02

       ... is that you c- in the old days, if you were some sort of weirdo pervert, you thought... And it was... The world was better 'cause you thought that you were completely alone in the world. Now whatever your kink is, you could put it on the internet. You could w- write, you know, "I want a hooker to shit on me while I play with electric trains." And (laughs) -

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:22

       It's a whole category on Pornhub.

   26. BMBill Maher46:23

       ... there'll be 1,000 people in two minutes-

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:25

       (laughs)

   28. BMBill Maher46:25

       ... who are saying, "Me too."

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:26

       Yeah.

   30. BMBill Maher46:27

       And that... I don't know. That... Now you have a community-
5. 1:00:00 – 1:13:53

   For using the R…

   1. BMBill Maher1:00:00

      when you lose people. I'll give you an example. It was about two weeks ago. The Giants, my football team, the New York Football Giants, cut, uh, I think his name is Janoris Jenkins-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:14

      For using the R word?

   3. BMBill Maher1:00:16

      Yes. Do we have to say the R word?

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

      (laughs) No, you can say retarded.

   5. BMBill Maher1:00:21

      Okay. Well, we- we're just-

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:23

      (laughs)

   7. BMBill Maher1:00:23

      We're not saying it. We're-

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:24

      You gotta look, like, "Oh, my God."

   9. BMBill Maher1:00:25

      We're ... I don't know what the fucking rules are. Y- yes, uh, and he- he-

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       Yeah.

   11. BMBill Maher1:00:30

       Okay. First of all, I don't understand why that generation feels the need to engage with their fans on Twitter, but he was. And some guy was-

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:37

       Someone needs to teach him social media. Yeah, that's-

   13. BMBill Maher1:00:39

       Some guy was criticizing him.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

       Yeah.

   15. BMBill Maher1:00:40

       And he's a good cornerback or safety-

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:43

       Yeah.

   17. BMBill Maher1:00:43

       ... uh, whatever he is. And the g- was criticizing him and he answered back-

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       Yeah.

   19. BMBill Maher1:00:48

       ... again, I don't know why, but saying, "Here are my stats. I'm pretty good."

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       "I only can do my job, dot dot retard."

   21. BMBill Maher1:00:56

       Right. Okay, wait.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:56

       Meanwhile, it'd be better if he had three dots.

   23. BMBill Maher1:00:58

       You missed a point.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:58

       It would be nicer with three dots.

   25. BMBill Maher1:00:59

       You missed part of the story I'm gonna explain. So then the guy, uh, the fan says, "Well, why does it matter? The team is losing." And that's when Janoris Jenkins said, "I can only do my job, retard," and cut, like-

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:15

       Cut from the team. Yeah.

   27. BMBill Maher1:01:16

       Cut.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:17

       Yeah. Yeah, inexcusable.

   29. BMBill Maher1:01:17

       Like the next day. And first of all, I think he said it's something like, "I thought it was a hood thing," you know? Maybe Janoris Jenkins didn't get the memo because he's not, you know, like on Twitter 24/7 and living with the wokesters that we don't do this anymore.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:34

       I think they offered him a chance to apologize and he said no.

Episode duration: 1:57:57